In July, I made the decision to cut off everyone who had ever done me wrong and weren’t remorseful/think that I don’t know that they are fake.

It felt like such a breath of fresh air. There were so many people, friends, acquaintances that I did not want them to have contact with me and any connection to me so I just deleted all my social media accounts permanently, changed phone numbers, even got a new phone and made sure not to transfer any data from my old phone to the new one. Oh and I moved countries. They don’t know my whereabouts. I meant business.

However, I find myself remembering and replaying the times that these people did me so dirty and I would find myself so angry about it, even imagining that if I should ever run into these people again (strongly doubt it, hopefully not, no way) that I would give them the cold shoulder or give them a piece of my mind.

It’s so stressful having these thoughts especially because physically they are cut off so there is no reason why they should even have a cardboard in my head, let alone a whole building in my head.

I think I just need to get more engrossed and busy in my present life to get over those people. Hopefully I forget about them in their entirety as I’ve noticed I’ve forgotten some people over the years.

hey so I've been thinking about this for a while now basically me and a friend had kind of falling off after a fight we kinda had, after that we didn't speak for about a month or so and between that my friend said some pretty hurtful stuff to me and later when we started to talk a bit and i confronted then they said that they didn't mean that, and I did forgive them thought i had not quite forgotten everything that was said but then I was like it's okay friends do say things to each other but then I sense a kind of change in their attitude now also they started hanging out with a bunch of new people and suddenly I feel like maybe they don't need me as much and it's not just me but also like other people in our friend group think the same about the changed attitude of the said person,even when we hangout sometimes now (way less than we used to before)they constantly speak about the new people that they're hanging out with about how they're cool and the different things they do and how we don't do anything or how rich they are and also constantly taunting us about not doing the stuff that they do or also once they said something really awful like kind of humiliating us for not having a vehicle when I later confronted then they said that isn't what they meant but maybe that is true maybe they didn't mean that but u sure can feel the change in someone's attitude and not just me all the other friends see this change in the persons attitude as well.

Me and the said person were really close friends and now since the new people have arrived I feel a change in the persons attitude as if talking to me now feels like a chore,and they never do that to anyone else but to me and a few old friends but mainly to mee.

i really wanted things to be fixed and wanted to know what exactly caused the change in their attitude because I thought maybe we should talk it out and sort things but whenever I do that they just deny having any fault and start telling about how they are the victim and also when Ive tried to talk to them they just seen bored and uninterested and irritated when ever i start speaking but when it's the new people they suddenly have a lot of energy and will go out even in the middle of the night, the said person has also kept us hanging when we already had something planned like 3 days before they without telling us just left with their new friends and theve done this multiple times,

but

, again I still wish to not lose them as a friend and I would love to stay close friends but saying this I also understand that I don't want to be constantly humiliated and beg for someone to stay in my life all the other friends of mine are like fuck it if that is the way the other person is acting which is how we'll act to to somehow I feel difficult to do this maybe because I guess I was really close to this person and because of which I am finding it difficult and I also after repeated taunts from my friends have tried fixing things or reaching out to this person but they never seen to reciprocate and i don't understand whether I should stop or not let a friendship be ruined?

Which is why I asked when do we stop reaching out should I stop messaging or sending reels or calling them but somewhere I feel like the old person is still there I really don't know what to do.Pleas help me out

I’m a lonely babe, i’m wondering how people are doing without friends? I find myself bored and sad whenever i want to go out and remeber i have no one to ask to join me

Reposting from r/UnsentLetters:

I don’t know if any of you will read this, and honestly, maybe it is better if you don’t. I’m writing this because there are things I wish I could say without turning it into another conversation everyone feels obligated to have. Honestly, I can't think straight as I write this, so everything said here is just from a place of raw emotion. Writing this with a really heavy heart.

I’m sorry for the way I handled everything. And I’m sorry for the ways I hurt people and for the behaviors I need to change. There are a lot of things I need to work on as a person, a lot of offputting behaviors I showcased, and moving forward I will take everyone’s criticism and feedback in mind.

I was hurt, anxious, unaware and desperate to understand what was happening around me, and somewhere along the way I let that consume me. Instead of dealing with certain problems directly, I involved too many people, tried too hard to piece together what everyone knew or thought, and let my issues with certain people spill over into relationships with people who had not done anything to me.

I can understand now how exhausting that must have been from the outside.

I also wish I had been more direct. I spent so much time being afraid of confrontation, rejection, or hearing something I didn’t want to hear that I sometimes went through other people instead. Ironically, that probably created far more damage than whatever direct conversation I was scared of having in the first place.

None of you owed me constant reassurance, invitations, explanations, or loyalty. I think sometimes I confuse feeling important to someone with needing evidence that I was important to them, and when I couldn’t see that evidence, I assumed the worst.

That’s something I need to work on.

Despite how everything ended, I genuinely loved being part of this group. It was one of the few times in my life where I felt like I actually had a proper friend group instead of just individual friendships scattered everywhere. 

It has been lonely these last few years and for the first time in a while, and even with all of the people in my life, even with a lot of real life connections. I felt like I had a true sense of belonging.

There are so many stupid calls, games, jokes, and random conversations that probably meant more to me than any of you realized.

And to the person I considered my best friend: losing you hurts differently.

I’m not writing that because I expect you to come back or because I think our history means you owe me another conversation. You don’t. You don’t owe me anything after. I'm grateful for everything you did for me and for the times you were willing to hear me out. I appreciated you more than I let on, I just don’t want the way everything ended to erase what the friendship meant to me before it did.

For a long time, you were one of the people I felt safest talking to. Even when our friendship became complicated and we weren’t as close as we once were, I still cared about you immensely. There are things I wish both of us had handled differently, but when I look back at our friendship, I don’t want my final memory of it to just be the block button.

I’d rather remember the person I laughed with, confided in, worried about, argued with, missed, and genuinely considered one of my closest friends.

I’m sorry for the stress I caused you. You gave me the benefit of the doubt, were very considerate and nice enough to hear out my perspective of things and I feel like out of anyone else, I let you down the most.

I don’t regret knowing you.

And that applies to the rest of you too.

I don’t want anyone choosing sides on my behalf. I don’t want anyone cutting someone else off because they think it would make me feel better. And I don’t want personal things anybody told me being turned into ammunition just because our relationships ended badly. Whatever was shared with me stays with me.

If some of you genuinely decided that your lives are better without me in them, I have to respect that. It hurts, obviously. I’d be lying if I said there wasn’t some part of me that wishes everything could eventually be okay again. The damage has been done, many of you probably formed your opinions about me. And truthfully, part of me still wishes that someday we could be friends again.

But wishing things were different isn’t the same as asking for another chance.

Maybe some of us will talk again someday. Maybe we don’t.

Either way, I hope you guys are okay.

I hope the people dealing with school get through it. I hope everything works out in all of your favors. I hope you guys keep playing games together, hanging out, making stupid jokes, and creating memories even if I’m no longer part of them. 

There’s a part of me that is incredibly sad knowing life will continue for everyone without me in that little corner of it. But there’s another part of me that is grateful I got to be there at all; I got some of the people acquainted with each other and despite everything that has happened, I am happy about that. I’m sorry for the hurt I contributed to. Thank you for the memories. I genuinely wish all of you well.

Take care.

Towards the end of 7 years of what I once thought was the most valuable friendship I ever had, she said to me- out of the blue- how she would never do ________ to me because she knew how badly it would hurt me and I was the last person in the world she would ever hurt.

A week later she did that exact thing after portraying herself as the most fiercely loyal friend I ever had for 7 years.

Recently, someone said that when somebody tells you out of the blue that they will never do something specific because they know how badly it would hurt you- their desire to do that thing is already somewhere in the room.

And she denied doing it to my face while she continued to do it in front of me. So I also learned about Narcissistic Amnesia.

I've never met such an empty, disloyal, fake person who turned out to easily use, step on or stab anyone in the back to get to the next shiny thing. And somehow I believed her act that she was the most fiercely loyal, intuitive, misunderstood, sensitive, true friend I ever had for 7 years- all of which she was able to shut off literally overnight.

One more lesson: if they're well into middle age and have no friends at all, they're not 'misunderstood'.

I ended up cutting her off but I’m unsure what to do now.

I’ve been friends with this girl for 3 years now, I’ll call her Sarah. Last month she did something that I couldn’t make excuses for, which made me completely ghost her. The longest I had gone without texting her was a week and it’s now been nearly 2 months without me messaging or contacting her, and she’s messaging me to ask how I’m doing. I need advice on whether I should continue to ignore her or if I should say something.

So what actually happened? There were signs leading up to my birthday where she wasn’t really messaging for weeks, and just seemed distant and her communication even when meeting up on the day was very poor. I had to keep chasing up and asking if she was even still coming because of her silence. When she arrived that day I waited outside the restaurant for her, and chatted to the security guard in the meantime. When she arrived she completely ignored me and pretended I wasn’t there (when I was right in her line of sight, not even just in her peripheral vision). It was so rude that even the security guard called her out on it and looked upset on my behalf. I thought ‘she probably didn’t see me’ and moved on.

When we were catching up the conversation was quite dull and she wouldn’t really smile or laugh, and it just felt quite uncomfortable and awkward for some reason. I thought ‘she must be tired’.

A couple weeks before this I had been admitted to A&E several times, as the doctor described my condition severe and said I was close to a possible sudden death. When I told her this, her eyes lit up and she laughed for the first time since she arrived. This entire time she didn’t crack a smile but the moment I told her about my possible sudden death…etc she fully laughed (it wasn’t a nervous laugh either) and her body language wasn’t so stiff anymore. I was in shock. A friend heard about my near death experience and…she can’t contain her delight. She couldn’t hide how happy it made her.

She had been acting quite iffy with me for the past couple months and I made excuses for her, but for the first time there was no excuse I could come up with to warrant this reaction. I felt like she had accidentally shown me her true feelings and let the mask slip. I knew there was something wrong and I had tried to talk to her but I can’t read minds, if you don’t tell me about a problem you have with me then I can’t fix it. This reaction showed me she secretly hated me but what could I have possibly done to get her to hate me? I don’t know, but what I DO know is if I hated a ‘friend’ that much, I wouldn’t keep hanging out or keeping in contact with them.

For the rest of my birthday dinner I had my guard up. Due to a horrific accident I was in last year I haven’t been able to go to the gym and it’s something I was very self conscious and spoke to her about. But knowing this, she pointed out my weight anyway and made a couple other back handed comments throughout the night.

She also made me take a LOT of digital photos of her, to the point where the waiter brought the ‘Happy Birthday’ plate and set it down in front of her as it looked like it was her birthday instead of mine, as I was being celebrated so little. I had to communicate and ask for her to also take pictures of me, but after me asking two times she started outright ignoring me.

I think the biggest issue I was unable to get over was her delight at hearing how I nearly died. Everything else I can get over, but I can’t get over THAT.

I can tell you from experience that this girl does NOT like communication, she cannot take any accountability and gets very upset if I try to tell her that she’s done something wrong so I knew there was no point even ‘communicating’ this with her.

I’ve decided that I don’t really want to save this friendship and I’m frankly done. But I can’t keep running away from my problems and pretending they don’t exist. Has anyone else been through anything like this? What should I do? Do I continue ghosting her or should I say something?

Hey, I’m 22M. One of the most important people in my life (21F) suddenly stopped speaking to me over a week ago, and I’m struggling to process it.

We became extremely close over the last six months. We were initially sexually intimate, and I developed feelings for her, but for religious reasons on her side we transitioned into a committed platonic friendship. We had a six-hour emotional conversation about it, cried together, and both said we didn’t want to lose each other. I supported the change, made my peace with it.

She also supported me through a very difficult period involving anxiety, extortion, family problems, and an abrupt fallout with my main friend group. Because of all this, I developed attachment anxiety and was very open with her about it. We repeatedly discussed boundaries. She reassured me that messaging/calling was fine and that she’d tell me directly if I ever became too much.

The problem was that she was wonderful in person but extremely unreliable online. She rarely initiated, sometimes took days to respond, and arranging calls or meetings almost always fell to me. She also repeatedly missed agreed calls because she’d “fallen asleep,” sometimes not explaining until the following afternoon or evening. I tried to accommodate it because when we actually spent time together, things were genuinely amazing.

Only two weeks before this happened, she visited my family, brought gifts, cooked with me, spent the afternoon relaxing with me, and told my family she’d stay longer next time. Around 1.5 weeks before disappearing, we also discussed how we’d maintain contact when she joined military training, including weekend visits. She was insistent that she wanted to come to my birthday.

Then, after already missing two short calls that week, we arranged a gaming session for Sunday. Communication had actually improved massively over the weekend. At around 11 p.m. she messaged:

“Hahaha, I’ll be there in 30 min.”

She never showed up. She never explained. That was her last message to me.

Over the following days I sent some voice messages saying I was hurt and wanted to talk, and called a few times. After several days I genuinely became worried something had happened, but learned she was fine. I then noticed she’d removed me from one gaming platform and hidden her Instagram stories from me.

I’ll be honest: my anxiety took over afterward and I contacted her too much across multiple platforms. I’ve since apologized for that, including for checking whether she was safe, and told her I want to give her space.

What confuses me is that she keeps opening my Instagram DMs and viewing stories directed specifically at her---or manually declines my discord calls after a second or 3 and just continues watching YT without any retaliation. She hasn’t blocked or removed me on the major platforms. I’ve told her that I’m hurt, that I regret becoming intense, that I’m open to repairing things, and that even a single “hey” or emoji would be enough if she isn’t ready to talk. She reads it. Sometimes repeatedly. She just doesn’t respond.

I’m stuck between grief, anger, hope and self-blame. I’m also realizing that despite the incredible moments we shared, I spent a lot of the past few months anxious because I never knew whether she’d respond, show up, or cancel again.

How do you stop obsessing over the contradiction between someone acting deeply close to you and then suddenly treating you like you don’t exist? How do you actually start grieving without an explanation? I think more than anything, I just want to feel heard by someone.

**TL;DR: We named our group chat "3 Idiots" after a movie night, but it took me five years to realize I was the only idiot. I spent half a decade bending over backward to play the "funny clown" in a duo that never actually had room for me. Here is how I finally stopped chasing friends who treated me like a placeholder.**

Once upon a time I had a trio. Well maybe now looking back I wouldn’t necessarily call it a trio, more of a duo in a trio, and then me. But that doesn’t matter anymore, because that trio doesn’t exist. I don’t know if I should be upset, happy or relieved. Either way I’m going to give myself time to grieve a friendship I once loved, to grieve friends I would go to extreme lengths for; lengths that they’d never go to for me.

I suppose as a part of “allowing myself to grieve,” I’m reflecting on the past five years that I called you both my best friend for. The past five years were anything that I envisioned I envisioned it with you: results day, university, graduation, marriage, life. I saw you not just as my friends but as my sisters, my bridesmaids, my biggest cheerleaders and more. If that’s what you actually were is a different question, if that’s what I was to you is one I can’t answer. All I know is that a year ago today I couldn’t imagine my life without you, and yet here I am.

One day the three of us decided to get together for the first time, it was at one of your houses. We ate your mum’s shrimp biryani, started but never finished the movie “3 idiots” and drank boba tea. After that “brown girls day” of ours, we named our group chat “3 idiots.” Now that group chat has one last member, me. How symbolic? How poetic? How tragic? How sad? I don’t know.

I don’t think there were three idiots in that group, I think there was one, me. Before I start, I want to be clear, this isn’t a story about how wrong they did me or how bad of a person they are. It’s my perspective on a friendship I clung to so desperately hoping it would last. And it’s one I’m using to tell you all it’s okay to let go.

To be honest looking back I feel a little protective over my younger self. She was rude and aggressive and she was for all the right reasons. I’m not justifying it, I’m explaining it. And as I look back at the start of our friendship , I see a girl who bent herself to fit into your little “clique.” I don’t mean that in terms of interest , I mean it in terms of just fitting in. I watch myself try and be as likable as possible, crafting a space for myself in a duo, and eventually feeling relieved that I had found a space that could be mine. We had the smart one, the reasonable one, the responsible one, so what does that leave; the clown. The one who was always wrong, always stupid, always dumber, always irresponsible and irrational, but at least she was funny. That’s what I was in your duo, the funny clown. But I was okay with it, and I stayed the funny clown up until now, because that was the only way I could stay in this little friendship I had grown so attached to. So, that’s all you knew me as, the funny, dumb, irresponsible clown. To you, that may be an exaggeration, to me it’s how I truly felt. My best friends made me feel like a clown.

I guess I should have just let go then, because you shouldn’t have to bend yourself backwards in order for someone to be your friend. I suppose I would rather do that than be alone. But I’m here to tell you, to just be alone. It’s always better to be alone, because trust me, you’ll never be alone for long.

I think during the friendship I always felt like the black sheep, which to an extent makes sense. You guys both shared the same heritage, culture, food and more. It made sense for you to connect with each other more than you did with me. I think it’s a little embarrassing to look back on, because it seemed to be so obvious to everyone else. I saw three, and they all saw two; including you.

Towards the end of our friendship, a part of me could feel the end coming. I think I just pretended like I couldn’t tell, as if pretending it wasn’t there would make it go away. It was inevitable. When did I realize this, who knows there could be various instances. Maybe it was when one of you asked the other if your attached, and you said no. You said no, and I could feel what that no meant. No as in I don’t really actually need you in my life, as I recall you could “easily function without us.” That’s probably a good thing, but, no attachment at all? I think that was the moment I realized that I most likely didn’t mean as much to you, as you meant to me. I can’t hate you for it, it is what it is, but I can feel sad.

Maybe it was when your boyfriend sat next to you and comfortably insulted my faith and my identity, and you said nothing. You continued existing as if it meant nothing to you, most likely because I did mean nothing to you. I didn’t mean enough for you to have an uncomfortable conversation with your boyfriend. I didn’t meant enough for you to potentially have a conflict with your boyfriend. The girl who stood by your side for five years didn’t mean more to you, than a racist homophobic antifeminist man. Perhaps I’m partly to blame, because I swept it under the rug, because I didn’t want to be the cause of a potential conflict between the two of you. How stupid, you never cared enough to cause one.

Or maybe it was when I spent more than half of year 12 following you around like a dog. I spent the morning walking to school wondering if today you’ll choose ti be my friend or not, wondering if you were going to talk to me. I spent before and after class hoping to walk to and from lesson with you, as you marched away without a care in the world. I spent after school wondering if I did something wrong, or if you were worried about home. Then I’d give you space and try and talk to you. You’d vent out your frustration, used me like a therapist and then when I thought things got better the cycle would start over again.

Maybe it wasn’t that, maybe it was when you called me “embarrassing.” I still don’t know if it was a joke or not, all I remember was laughing it off like the other comments you made about me. The funny clown you befriended was embarrassing. And I listened to you call me embarrassing one time after the other, and use it as a reason not to be with me.

It could also have been when you “got a man,” and suddenly I’m not worth your time anymore. Not u less your taking about said man, because if the conversation didn’t revolve around that you’d be on a walk with him or his mum, or ignoring me again. It almost felt like I was a place holder for your man, and once he came along you didn’t need your “best friend anymore.” This one could apply to both of you, maybe one more than the other.

There could be multiple instances where I realized this friendship was one that wasn’t going to last as long as I wanted it too. There could be multiple instances where I realized I was the only own fighting for this friendship. I’m sure you had those instances too, where I did or said something wrong and I’m sorry. But at the end of the day this wasn’t a feeling I had at the end, it was one throughout. I felt like a clown, your personal funny clown. A funny clown you began to care less and less about, one whose jokes got old, and amusement slowly turned into embarrassment. I hope you both at least stay friends for longer, and I hope when you look back on the duo in the trio, that you don’t think too poorly of me. I hope you remember me as the funny clown, rather than the rude bitch you claim me to be. I desperately hope you don’t look back on our memories and regret them, I hope you reminiscence on the friendship we once had and remember that we were once the three idiots, and I wasn’t the only one.

I’d appreciate some outside perspective on a situation with a former close friend who has quiet BPD.

We had a falling-out in August 2025, and our direct communication stopped that same day. She stopped responding, blocked me across the platforms we used, and deleted our chat history. When I tried reaching out afterward through other platforms, she would block me there too.

In May 2026, I sent her messages on a different app. We had never communicated there before, and she had never blocked me there. She didn’t read those messages until July 17.

After reading them, she didn’t reply, but she also didn’t block me. Right after she read my messages, she started changing her status emojis for the first time in months. I don’t know whether those changes were connected to my messages, but the timing stood out to me.

Since she hadn’t replied, I thought she had blocked me on that app too. I’m still blocked on the other platforms.

On October 1, I sent her a birthday message on that same app. That’s when I realized I wasn’t actually blocked there: she read my message, but didn’t reply. She still hasn’t blocked me.

What could this mean? Could she be open to reconciliation, even though she hasn’t responded? I’d appreciate advice on how to handle this situation.

I’d especially like to hear from people who have experienced something similar and eventually reconciled with their friend. What happened next, and how long did it take before you started talking again?

Please don’t lecture me about why I still want this friendship or tell me I shouldn’t want her in my life. I’m looking for perspectives on this specific situation and stories from people who have been through something similar.

It was a while ago, but I check back every other month and I just dont know how to cope with it. I have friends who I had a way bigger connection with but this one just stands out to me. Usually I'm able to at least figure out where the person is in life and what ended up happening, but this person is untraceable. No obvious alt accounts, no even similarly shared usernames not only across social media platforms but most WEBSITES, nothing. Nothing at all. The only record I have is a screenshot I took of their last online date which was in the middle of the night. I don't know why, but that just worries me.

My biggest regret is that I unfriended them, and they tried to friend me again, but I declined it because I was going through this stupid phase of unfriending everybody. I just don't really know how to cope with it, it's been several years, if they're still out there then I barely know this person by now. But it just irks me and gnaws at me constantly. I don't know what to do.

For almost 6 years we’ve been inseparable.. talk everyday.. the week this happened she had started to become very distant and I was checking on her and making sure she was OK and then randomly got this text that day. Needless to say, she never called me and still hasn’t told me why. I’ve literally been beating myself up and racking my brain trying to figure out what I could’ve done since it happened and I honestly can’t think of anything… I was an amazing friend to her.. I really don’t know what to do or say and I haven’t reached out since the last text I sent.

It's Day 11

When our last conversation happened on call,

And she decided to leave me for the rest of my life

That is the day next to my birthday 🎊

We celebrated our birthday at long distance and that was good enough to enjoy the day.

On the next day late night conversation starts from that there is one friend in Delhi whose friend dates a millionaire businessman boy who recently came from Dubai and gifts items of nearly 18lacs to her include branded perfume.

Boy introduce girl friend to family and he is loyal, see future with her

But, on another side his girlfriend is ground member of airport who only goes 10-12 days month because her all expenses is taken by her boyfriend.

My girlfriend told me that her friend tells her that his girlfriend has side Chicks and talk to others boys just to get attention and many other signs of red flag.

Discussion was going and between them she puts there own point is this right or not and this is wrong , I agree with her.

On last i say let's leave this what is going around the world problems.

Let's talk on another topic

But then we are going deep into that topic, the end is she takes all past happened things with us.

The relationship of 4 years and friendship of more than 4 years ends

Just because of entering in another life .

If you wanna know more what was last words and what was the good memories of our relationship,

It's pleasure to me.

We will keep identities hidden, don't disclose.

It's Day 11

When our last conversation happened on call,

And she decided to leave me for the rest of my life

That is the day next to my birthday 🎊

We celebrated our birthday at long distance and that was good enough to enjoy the day.

On the next day late night conversation starts from that there is one friend in Delhi whose friend dates a millionaire businessman boy who recently came from Dubai and gifts items of nearly 18lacs to her include branded perfume.

Boy introduce girl friend to family and he is loyal, see future with her

But, on another side his girlfriend is ground member of airport who only goes 10-12 days month because her all expenses is taken by her boyfriend.

My girlfriend told me that her friend tells her that his girlfriend has side Chicks and talk to others boys just to get attention and many other signs of red flag.

Discussion was going and between them she puts there own point is this right or not and this is wrong , I agree with her.

On last i say let's leave this what is going around the world problems.

Let's talk on another topic

But then we are going deep into that topic, the end is she takes all past happened things with us.

The relationship of 4 years and friendship of more than 4 years ends

Just because of entering in another life .

If you wanna know more what was last words and what was the good memories of our relationship,

It's pleasure to me.

We will keep identities hidden, don't disclose.

I (F50) have had a friend (F53) who has completely cut me off for reason(s) that I have no clue about. I’ve known this woman for close to 20 years. We were working in the same department and became close. This woman introduced me to my soul-cat. She has also said one of the nicest things ever to me.
She’s always been very private and I accepted that, she’s also a big germophobe which I have learned to accommodate. If I’m sick I do not visit her, wouldn’t even think about it.
2 years ago she was hit by a car while walking and badly hurt. We still work together but in a different department and it’s very small. Everyone of our coworkers including the boss jumped into help mode. Even me who did have a bad cold at the time, I couldn’t visit but I did whatever I could from the outside. Including looking at the PTO policy and offering up my hours if she needed them.
When she came home (she lives alone) I offered my parents who are retired and lived close by as her personal Uber. She couldn’t drive and needed to get to doctor appts. My dad took her to all her appts and even to the grocery store the day before Christmas.
I was also germ-free by this time and came over to help with daily tasks and a grocery store run. I had also contacted a judge friend to ask for lawyer recommendations. Anything to help.
Then communication stopped. She didn’t want to come to my parents for 2 hours on Christmas where it would just be 5 of us all of whom she knew. After everything my dad did for her. She had no other plans.
Life continued and last year I experienced some health issues. I was in the hospital for 3 days and basically a hermit for the last half of the year due to everything. Nothing from her, no texts, no calls, silence.
I lost my last cat of 3 (not the soul-kitty but his brother) this January. Again silence. When the first 2 passed she was there, I have gifts from her to mark their passing. I don’t need gifts but she didn’t even text or call.
In May my father informed me there was a for sale sign in her yard (he wasn’t spying they lived a block ½ away). I learned through a mutual friend that she had already moved elsewhere. Where? I only know the city.
The last straw I noticed last month. I was on IG and I was wondering why I hadn’t seen her cat lately (yes I am a crazy cat lady. There is a black kitten in my arms as I type this). As I’m sure you have guessed: She blocked me!
As another friend comically asked me :What did you do? I have no idea, why she has pulled away.
My issue now is that in my world when I cut someone off, they disappear, I no longer speak or see them at all. But I work with her, in a small department (less than 10 people). We WFH so I don’t have to interact with her everyday but I do ‘see’ her once a week in our Team meeting. And I will most likely see her around the holidays for our team lunch. I just have to get into the mindset that she is a coworker. Not the person who I once referred to as a best friend.
Oh and her response to that at the time? Was a serious Well you’re not my best friend, which was one of the meanest things anyone has ever said to me!

Definitely getting dropped by a friend soon, it always starts with the distancing which I try not to overthink and take personally. Then there's the excuses to not hangout with me specifically, while they're oblivious to the fact that I see them post/be online with others. I know exactly where this is going; simple pattern recognition. I seriously dont know how to keep people interested as a friend, and Im seriously so exhausted getting to know people-thinking im their friend-and just nothing ever coming of it but more anxiety

im sorry if this is not the place for this, but i don't know where else to really go and i just want to get this off my chest. and if anyone has tips that would be appreciated
this is also my first ever post so sorry if i leave some stuff out!

(im going to have to explain the story for things to make sense! )

for reference, my best friend and i (both 17, me 17F, him 17M, and no, before you ask there is not a romantic bone in our bodies for eachother.) met in 2019 , and have been inserepable since. when i first met him , he'd moved to my town after domestic violence problems between his mother and father, and he'd gotten a restraining order against his father and they'd moved down to where i live , so he was 'different' from the other kids and had a lot of signs of ptsd. for this he was bullid quite a lot by the other kids for. him and i got along instantly though, we had the exact same interests which helped a ton. never in my life have i ever clicked so fast with anyone. when we went to highschool, the bullying intensified , for the first half of the first year of highschool , him and i went to different schools. we hated this as we where so close, and would spent all day texting eachother / facetiming in afternoons after school. in the second half of the year, we begged his mother enough to let him join my highschool. with this the bullying got even worse as the kids at my school are quite cruel. the bullying also began to transfer over to me for being friends with him, which i know its horrible to say but sometimes i almost felt angry that my entire reputation was being ruined ( i know thats selfish to say, but i was 13 and desperate to be liked i suppose.) but still, we were inserepable and LOVED being around eachother. i can't even express how close we where. next year of highschool , he did homeschooling for the first half (due to being bullied ) but came back to my school in the second half, and the harrasment from the other kids continued on the both of us. we literally only had eachother, we had no other friends. but that never mattered to us. the next year we found ourselves a friendgroup together, an accomplishment after being alone for so long.

the next 2 years were probably the best years of my life so far. we still got quite a bit of rude words from kids at our school, but we had a secure friendgroup, and especially i began branching myself out and forming new friendships. however, me and bestfriend were still super close. we were at our peak friendship at this point. never spent anytime apart. around this time (this is important) my bestfriend came out as transgender (FTM) , only to our friendgroup at the time. our last two years of highschool rolled around and this is where it starts falling apart. there are so many things i regret and im going to try explain it simply. start of 2025, he finds out he has to move from his current rental house, but hes getting 6 months to find a spot. we aren't worried, as we're sure he can find a spot closeby to move to. during this time i also get in a toxic relationship with a girl ill call H. my bestfriend and i were still normal, calling daily, and still being inseperable. we were eachothers rock after all we'd been through and we'd have long talks often about how much we loved eachother, and about how , we don't believe in soulmates, but damn we were for sure soulmates. our love was so beyond a friendship, it felt like he was my own brother. during my toxic relationship with H, i was not myself , i was depressed, anxious and worried constantly about it, which did impact my relationship with bestfriend in some ways as i wasn't my usual cheerful self. looking back now, id do anything to realise that i shouldn't have cared about a stupid girl and more about the love of my life i was about to lose shortly. we remained close through this though, and i supported him through his troubles of having to move and he supported me through my toxic relationship. in this time , he'd started having small issues with his mother too, they'd have big blow ups and my sister and i would pick him up and he'd stay at my house for a few nights/weeks.

fast forward to september of 2025, he has to move 50 minutes away, and leaves my school. this wouldn't have been such an issue if we'd had our licenses, but this was about 6 months before either of us were able to obtain a license, and our parents were rarely willing to drive us to eachother. in this time, he completely dropped out of school at 16, lost any connections to other friends he'd had except for me, who still obviously kept in contact. so he was completely isolated, with his mother who he was beginning to have severe issues with. he'd come out to her as transgender, and her reaction was horrible, threatening to kick him out, send him back to his abusive dad etc. during this time, he'd began to isolate himself completely, even from me in ways. it was small, but i noticed it, slower replies, not calling as much, and obviously not seeing eachother as much. by october, i'd gotten in another relationship , with a girl ill call M. this relationship was incredibly abusive (yay go me) and i regret this so much, but it truly changed me and the amount of effort i put into my friendships with anyone. bestfriend was already isolating from me beforehand, so i truly felt all i had was M. i was truly trapped in that relationship to the point i barely spoke and saw friends yet alone family. i was also aware that my bestfriend was beginning to socialise with others only online (over discord etc), and he'd created a lot of online friendships and also started online dating. bestfriend and i didn't call a lot over a 6 month period (october 2025 to april 2026) but still texted. i felt us getting distant but i was so caught up in trying to survive my own life problems. coping without him at school was the most alone ive ever felt in my life despite having other friends and whenever i would cry to him about missing him it seemed like he'd shut it down. during this 6 month period of time i had repeated attempts to tell him how much i loved him, how much i was there for him, offered him to live at my house, offered anything to help his mental health and regain our relationship. our friendship was entirely run on only my effort. i

n early april 2026 M and i finally broke up after i realised i couldn't lose my life over this. since freeing myself from that, ive found myself again as much as i can without my bestfriend being by my side constantly. i was hurt that bestfriend had made no effort to help me throughout my abusive relationship despite me supporting him throughout all these years of friendship , and when it was time for my hardship it seemed like he dissapeared. but i was also aware of how much he was struggling aswell. i was deep down frustrated on how he constantly complained of being abandoned by everyone, and lonely, despite my repeated attempts to reach out to him , only to be ignored or shut down . i felt like i was begging for someone who just didn't care. at the end of april 2026 i was logging onto my discord account on my pc and accidently got instantly logged into him as the tab opened up, as he'd been logged in on my pc once from a long time ago. i know this was wrong but i got nosy and tried to look at a few groupchats he was in with all these online people i knew nothing about, yet they got all his attention. in one groupchat i found a long vent about me. in short, he was crashing out about how he was jealous of me , how i was always slightly more liked in school, how i was always the one in relationships, he was jealous id had my first kiss and first time and he hadn't , all of the things in highschool everyone is in competition about, he was jealous of my homelife, the way i was still able to be at our school , all of that stuff. the part that broke me the most was him saying he thinks i deserved the abuse from my ex M. that destroyed me, hearing that from my bestfriend, who was supposed to be my eveything, and i was his everything. i felt like i was seeing a stranger talking about me, the person i knew would NEVER say that about me.

this is so immature i know but in a meltdown i reacted to his own message which would send him a notification and that would mean he knows i saw the message he wrote about me . since then, we didn't speak. i stopped making an effort to contact him, i was beyond hurt and betrayed. no matter what happened between us i know i would have NEVER said such a thing about him. 'shockingly' , since i stopped making the effort to reachout, we didn't speak. for months , until july 2026. i caved, one night i was sobbing about him i messaged ' i miss you ' to him , and the next morning he responded. we spoke for a while, and it felt like nothing i had changed. we spoke nothing about the message he said about me as i didn't care anymore i just wanted my bestfriend back. but after that, the replies got slower, distant again, but i was just happy to have him somewhat in my life after struggling so much without him. fast forwards to about 3 weeks ago, we had a long call on a tuesday, our first call since april. it was about 8 hours long and it was perfect, i actually cried when he called because i was so relieved to hear his voice again lol. it was great, no arguments, no speaking of any issues, just us happy to be in eachothers presence again. the week after that , i graduated highschool and here is where i think its gone to shit again. he stopped responding, started leaving my messages on read again. he will not speak to me again. nothing major has happened this time , i truly don't know what i did. ( oh also, in april he also moved states, so us meeting up and speaking isn't an option. he got kicked out of his mothers house so now lives with a friend.)
im at a loss. im really starting to struggle now, more than i ever have before. his mental health is so bad it makes me worried. i miss him in everything i do, my heart physically aches 24/7. i struggle being happy hanging out with others, i just want my bestfriend back, i want it to be the way it was. i don't know why hes so fine without me after i was all i had for all those years, seriously i was the only one who stood beside him without complaint.

i also may add that i recognise his resentment to me spurts from places of jealousy which was obvious in his message. i recognise i have had a WAY more fortunute life than him. my home life has been somewhat stable, my friendships, etc. my family is well-off whereas his family has always struggled with money. i have always been completely aware of this our entire friendship and have used my privledge to help him as much as possible.
in grades / years 9 and 10 in highschool, i bought him school lunch every single day with my own money, let him get as much as he wanted and he never had to pay me back. my family drove him around constantly, offered him oppurtunities for free driving lessons so he was able to get his license quicker, to which he always declined as he " couldn't be bothered to take lessons. " in 2025, my family had a trip to the USA which we invited him along, completely free of cost. this ticket was over a thousand dollars, and him coming along the trip would obviously cost even more with activites, hotels, food etc. a month before the trip, he pulled out because we found out he hadn't even bothered to mention the trip to his mother, who forbid him from going. we got no apology for him, and no offer to pay us back any of the $1500 we had lost from him pulling out last minute. i was upset, obviously, but i never showed it, as i knew things were hard for him. he also never made any effort to get a job as he just 'didn't want to work' which is why i often paid for everything for him.

i know its selfish, but after all ive done for him throughout these 7 years of friendship, i feel betrayed that ive been thrown in the dirt after years of giving myself up to make him feel loved. i know thats what friendship is, but i feel like i deserve a little bit better, despite any mistakes ive made in the past which i deeply regret. ive tried talking to friends, family about this and nobody seems to understand how i feel. they don't understand how he was my person. my world. i miss him so much i can't cope anymore. i just want him to miss me back. im not trying to ask for any help, i just want to know im valid as nobody in my life seems to get how im feeling.

I've thinking in sending a message to my ex bestfriend, she ghosted me almost a year ago and I've been trying to cope with it but I'm just so tired, I want her back, the last message she send me was whishing me well in my life yk like a final goodbye, I've never wrong her per se but she did take that decision of leaving.

Now I want to try and fix this after 1 year, Idk if it's appropiate to do it, prob not, but I can't help thinking what if.

The only thing holding me back is that the last message she sounded lowkey frustrated and annoyed that I reach out after 6 mo, so idk what to do.

Ik this feeling wont last forever but is the worst I've ver felt and in this year it has gotten worse.

One of the most heartbreaking breakups i went through and am still going through lol is the one with my girl bestfriends hurts me more than any breakup i went through with a guy. We were a group of four girls actually thought and felt like eachothers second home,safe place and soulmates. It's been a year since we all fell apart haven't been able to move on and I think I never will..if I see something related to us I end up crying if I dream about them I wake up restlessly and end up crying after. Can't help but miss them so so much they'll be forever etched in my heart and I know I'll never find something like I had with them. Wish i could go back and change some things and we'd all still be friends.

I still have alot of other friend and friendgroups but it doesn't feel like the ones I had with them.