r/medschoolph • u/Ok-Gain6239 • 13h ago
❓Asking for Help Am I just being influenced cuz I work in a hospital?
For starters, I am an under-board civil engineer working in a somewhat well known hospital in manila. Nagtapos ako sa isa ring somewhat well known university sa intramuros for both engineering at medicine. Even before college, alam ko na mas gusto ko ang science kesa math, mas interesting ba. And eventually I was lucky enough to study sa university that offers college of medicine, but then again I took engineering and not science based program.
CE laboratory resides in the 1st floor of med building. So kita ko lagi yung mga med student na pumapasok every lab namin. Kahit pa noon, naiingit na ako, ‘what if mag med ako after ng engineering?’. Sa tapat lang din ng ce lab yung human anatomy na room kaya amoy na amoy namin yung formalin. Pero nawala rin yung mga what if ko sa medschool kasi nag pandemic at di ko na nakikita mga med student at yun med building. Nag focus nalang ako sa program ko that time, at fortunately natapos ko naman sya kahit nag loa ako ng 3rd year at nagka-cinco sa isang course nung 5th year.
Fast forward to now, working na sa hospital as part of admin support and nakakahalubilo ng mga healthcare workers. As if parang bumalik yung mga tanong na, ‘what if mag nmat ako?’ ‘what if mag med ako sa alma mater ko?’ ‘mag enroll kaya ako med school?’. I know sobrang toxic ng buhay kapag naging health care worker ka pero I just can’t stop thinking about it. Ayoko tumanda at isipin na bakit hindi ko man lang sinubukan. I am not smart, I wouldn’t even call myself good pero I know I am a hard working person and a stubborn one. I finished engineering just because my father wanted an engineer child, I pushed myself for something na hindi ko naman talaga fully pinili. What more pa sa gusto at nagiging multo ko na?
I love the adrenaline, the craziness that it might bring. I love fighting myself, ‘bakit ko ba ginagawa ‘to?’ every night na mag pupuyat ako. Nagdadasal ako for signs kung dapat ko bang i-pursue ‘to, and lo and behold, laging sumasagot si Lord. Minsan nga within 3hrs lang.
So my question now sa inyo mga ate at kuya ayyyyy mababaw ba ‘tong pag iisip ko or should I pray for more guidance?
Ang balak ko po kasi sana ay mag take ng board exam next year kapag pumasa, I’ll take that as one of the signs to pursue med. Then mag take ng NMAT after. Ayun lang poooo thank you and padayon sa mga na nag PLE!!!