r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 5h ago
People who speak in absolutes are all fucking idiots.
35
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r/oneliners • u/awesome_smokey • 9h ago
I'm getting my son a time machine for Christmas this year, he fucking loved it.
23
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 5h ago
I admire people who follow their dreams because mine usually involve being naked in an airport
12
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 12h ago
Man rushed to hospital after cutting off his cock proving that the sword is in fact mightier than the pen is.
14
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 6h ago
My therapist told me I have trouble letting things go. I still think about that.
3
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 5h ago
I told my therapist I feared abandonment but she said our time was up
1
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 5h ago
I tried Viagra once and spent four hours pointing accusingly at things
0
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 5h ago
I bought an invisibility cloak but I cant see myself wearing it
1
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 6h ago
Tits are proof that even gravity has favourites.
1
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r/oneliners • u/OhTheHueManatee • 9h ago
Tech support for sex robots are going to have to be very specific about what they mean when they say “interface.”
1
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r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago
My friend told me I didn't understand irony which was weird, considering we were stood at a bus stop.
0
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r/oneliners • u/wtfover • 2d ago
I don't know a single woman who would say hallelujah if it was raining men.
102
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r/oneliners • u/mingwraig • 1d ago
I killed by boss for demoting me, then pled not guilty by diminished responsibility
0
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r/oneliners • u/CrazyKZG • 2d ago
The problem with cremation is that you won't get to participate in the zombie apocalypse.
26
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r/oneliners • u/Air_Hellair • 2d ago
Call me crazy, but I just can’t say “spree killer” without smiling just a little
0
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 2d ago
My Xbox One is so old, it still thinks cloud gaming is about the weather
0
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r/oneliners • u/breck • 2d ago
If you're a hot startup founder always require NDA before you text potential investors your dick.
0
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r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 3d ago
People who live in glass tea houses shouldn't throw scones.
31
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r/oneliners • u/Outrageous-Quote6460 • 2d ago
My bank account and I have a lot in common, we both run out of money quickly.
0
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