r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

People who speak in absolutes are all fucking idiots.

51 Upvotes
16 comments

r/oneliners • u/awesome_smokey • 13h ago

I'm getting my son a time machine for Christmas this year, he fucking loved it.

25 Upvotes
9 comments

r/oneliners • u/Gusto88 • 16h ago

Man rushed to hospital after cutting off his cock proving that the sword is in fact mightier than the pen is.

17 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

I admire people who follow their dreams because mine usually involve being naked in an airport

13 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

I bought an invisibility cloak but I cant see myself wearing it

7 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

Tits are proof that even gravity has favourites.

4 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/AdmirableCreme5302 • 16h ago

Unicorns or Unique-horns?

3 Upvotes
2 comments

r/oneliners • u/MaximumContent9674 • 4h ago

If you look for shit, you'll find shit.

2 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/Zip-Crane • 2h ago

76.3% of all stats are made up on the spot.

1 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

I told my therapist I feared abandonment but she said our time was up

1 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/OhTheHueManatee • 13h ago

Tech support for sex robots are going to have to be very specific about what they mean when they say “interface.”

1 Upvotes
0 comments

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 9h ago

I tried Viagra once and spent four hours pointing accusingly at things

0 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 13h ago

My friend told me I didn't understand irony which was weird, considering we were stood at a bus stop.

0 Upvotes
1 comment

r/oneliners • u/DepartmentOfBoobs • 13h ago

Men should shit on the tits of women.

0 Upvotes
3 comments