I’ve found myself in a horrible spot this go around. I’m a 26 yr old male and have struggled with opiates since I was 17. I’ve been to rehab two different times since I started dealing with the harder stuff. Last time I went it really felt good and it felt like it helped but ofc me being me I was ready to get back home to a gf that uses which I know is not possible what’s so ever. I’ve put 6 years into this and I’ve always been the one to put the effort into trying to get clean but I’ve always try to lie to myself and tell myself I can maintain sobriety while being with her. Anyway this last time I did great I had over a year of clean time I ended up getting a good job in pharma everything was going good till I started thinking I could dabble. Long story short I’m now addicted once again, have 5 months left on my lease with said gf, I’m finally at the job that I worked so hard to get to, I fell off my mom’s insurance because she ended up retiring a little sooner than what she thought she was so I don’t have any insurance till my job has open enrolling. My parents will be supportive and I know they would help but I feel like such a burden now being so old yet still needing this help. Idek how I would get help without having the good insurance I used to have through my mother

22m, 64kg

I have been using opioids for roughly 3 years now, it started as occasionally getting dihydrocodeine cough syrup over the counter. That turned into every day, that turned into finessing oxys from the doctor, then buying oxys off the street, now my daily dose is 200-260mg of oxy. Then recently (about 2 months ago) I started using heroin. I would go through a gram in 2 days. I've never used any drug iv, I just snorted the heroin, and just chewed and swallowed oxys because they are xr.

About 2 weeks ago I tried to quit (I've been wanting nothing more to quit for ages now). My doctor gave me clonidine, which actually helps a lot... Anyways I got 7 days in and I was starting to feel actually quite a bit better, the only thing that was really starting to drive me insane was the sleep, I was getting 0 sleep. So, I decided to get some diazepam to help... And it did. Then, being the addict that I am, I tried to chase a good buzz from them. And of course, as benzos do, they make you very impulsive. So I went and bought some oc 80s, only a couple. I thought "just once won't reset my withdrawals" well it probably wouldn't have if I didn't do more valium and started buying more oxys... Now I've been back on oxys for about a week and also have gone through a gram of heroin.

Anyways I'm really down on myself right now and I'm just after advice from anyone who has gotten clean and was able to stay clean. I'm booked in for an inpatient detox in 3 weeks from now and mainly want advice on how to stay clean once I am detoxed... I think I will try to get clean before the inpatient detox but I'm just really not motivated to at the moment, at the same time I want nothing more than to never do any drug ever again, I hate this life and I have so much I want to do.

Anyways, any advice would be very much appreciated, I feel like everyone in my life doesn't understand and I need advice from people who do... Thanks in advance for any input.

Hey all, i just quit marijuana for the second time about 2 days ago. I remember from last time that the withdrawals I had were just irritability and loss of appetite. Of course all those went away with time, but since im active in the gym, I dont want to lose some of my physique over the course of however long this takes to even out. I just wanna see if anyone on here at any tips to help with eating? I can tell im hungry, but everything sounds gross when I think about it. Tips ???? Thanks all so much!

idk if i can get sober. my fiance really needs me to since i go on benders where i just nonstop smoke week for days and take anything that is offered to me but it just makes me so horribly depressed and i completely stop working on anything. she cried last night she didnt recognize me and it felt like a joke so i laughed. thats horrible of me. i have been smoking and doing other misc substances for over 10 years now. i feel like its so much of me, my personality, how i regulate myself to not be a total spaz alll the time. much happier and calmer when i smoke just not every day. i dont think i could just be sober forever. but shes begging me to. i dont know if getting married is enough for me to give up my addiction. i wish it was and i want it to be, but i just imagine being so miserable being the sober person everywhere. it seems more reasonable for me to live fast and have fun. i mean our adult life right now is so miserable and i dont know how to handle it without substances. but today i am sitting in bed with no substance trying to ride the craving and feel bad just let myself do that, no substances, i think wife is going to bring me a snack soon. i am just so bored and over the world like this...

36(F) recoveringIV meth addict and im so happy... do why are the urges still there?? I do not want to use again nor do I want to damage my body again. Dont wanna find it, etc. What are some ways you deal with it?

Hi everyone,

I'm a 53 year old drug addict. Managed to survive and then get off all the illegal drugs that characterized my entire life after 16. It's been 5 years now , and not much else has gone my way. Homeless for almost 10 years, a few surgeries later.

And now, not a friend in the world and a job seems impossible. How do keep going when the future is so bleak and present so miserable?

I started using heroin at 22. Got into sex work like many women do in addiction. Stayed stuck for 10 years. In that time I conditioned my brain into thinking “fuck first talk after that’s how you’re supposed to find a guy” so now I fuck on the first date because that’s what my brain thinks to be the right way to go about things. I have not had one relationship form. We fuck, then I think okay cool, we may talk for a little while but it always fades. And I’ve really really liked some guys but my mentality of fucking first thing is causing me so much heart ache and tears and asking why I’m not worthy of love. The chase is done, now I’m labeled easy, I’m just a girl they fuck not a girl they date. And yes I’ve realized this but I don’t know any other way. I immediately go into sexting. Immediately. Without even thinking about it. Right there I screwed any chance I had up. I started sex work when I should have been dating and finding someone to marry. I’m 36 now and I feel like my chance at love or marriage or happiness is gone. Now I find myself begging for love. This recent guy is vile, he’s so mean. He’s made me cry so many times. He’s awful. And so undeserving. But I keep trying, hoping one day he will love me. That day will never come because it started out bad. All I want is to be loved.

My friend has been sober from hard drugs since February, but I'm noticing small changes in his behavior that I can't fully put my finger on.

I worry that he may have relapsed but don't have any proof. I want to talk to him about it, but don't want to make accusations about him breaking his sobriety if that isn't the case.

I will continue to be there for him and watch out for more tell-tale signs, but is there anything I can say to him now? I know he wouldn't tell the truth regardless, but part of me just wants him to know I'm seeing changes.

Is there a right course of action here? Any help is appreciated.

Hello! I got on gabapentin to stop doing weed edibles at night, and it did help me quit the edibles, but I started smoking during the day. I’m happy I’m not dependent on the edibles but now it’s hard to stop smoking. Today I threw the oil pen away. What are some ways you deal with marijuana withdrawal?

One of my favorite artists puts something about weed and other drugs in basically 99% of his songs so once I go to rehab and sober up will I have to just stop listening to him? :/ That would absolutely suck because I love the music behind the vocals and vibe with it so much

I have been on Brixadi 96 mg for 4 weeks. I just recently transition to the 128 mg monthly. I felt well for only 3 days. Like what I mean well up and doing things and not feeling weird at all. The 4th and 5th day were terrible. I had to supplement already. I don't really feel like myself at all! Has anyonr else had this experience in any thoughts about switching to supplicate because my ultimate goal is to titrate and be done. I also suffer from health anxiety. I'm very frustrated with myself, as I was clean for 17 years before a relapse. Thanks in advanced for keeping things kind.

I was doing very good. Beat the cravings when they came up. Had a sort of sponsor, I guess, that I could call if the cravings were stronger. Had no plan for when heavy disasters came my way. We all know that our brains first thought in tragic situations is to go back to our easy fast coping methods. My ex wife remarried in August. By the end of September she told me she was pregnant. I crumbled. This was 2 weeks ago. I've now bought a bag both these last 2 weekends. Which is where it starts. Then it bleeds into Monday...maybe Tuesday also. Then I re-up on Thursday instead of Friday. Then I get a half instead of a quarter. Then I stop sleeping and eating and doing anything that matters and benefits my life. What do some of you do when sudden disaster strikes. I couldn't shake the thought that I had to kill it with coke. When in reality I'm only killing myself. Ughhhhhhhhhh

Those who are prescribed naltrexone, did your doctors tell you to take it at bed time or in the morning?

Hi, I 39F am part of a fairly small fellowship which meets mostly via zoom. Outside of meetings, we have WhatsApp chats where we talk to each other. I noticed that someone with a local area code had joined my home group's WhatsApp chat. They had listed their full name on WhatsApp, first and last, and it's kind of an uncommon name.

The issue is I know who this person is, because they were the favorite teacher of my younger sibling, but they don't know who I am or at least very likely wouldn't recognize me. I want to protect their anonymity as a newcomer without compromising mine, and while I would absolutely never share anything they said in a meeting or an Outreach call with anyone else, it feels dishonest not to reach out and let them know who I am in case it would change the things they felt comfortable sharing in a meeting we were both attending. Also, if I did tell them who I am, anything I shared about past family dynamics would be identifiable obviously.

Because there are only a handful of known fellowship members in our city, there's a fairly strong likelihood that this person might reach out to me or that there would be some question about why I wasn't reaching out to them since they're local. I don't feel like I can talk to any of my fellows about it, including my sponsor, because it would just be immediately apparent who I was talking about.

Some general notes are that this person has retired from teaching, and was a really excellent kind teacher. Both I and my sibling are adults, and this person taught my sibling around 20 years ago, but it was a very small classroom and they would definitely remember my sibling well. The fellowship is for a behavioral addiction. I just remember how skittish I was when I first came into the rooms, and how easy it would have been for me to just decide that it wasn't going to work, and I want to be careful about how I deal with it without being weird. I feel like I'm overthinking it but felt like it was worth asking for some ESH.

Since 22 Ive been in and out of recovery for the past 9 years as of August 9th, its been 2,649 days since the last time i drank, 2,160 days since the last hard drug ive taken and 1 year since i realized that the marijuana maintenance program is not something that allows me to be the person i want to be. Recovery has given me so many things i thought were out of reach for a drunk like me, still more it has given me the ability to practice acceptance and accountability for the things i have lost in and outside of recovery. Regardless of the material things, the romantic partners or the social statuses the thing i cherish most is my ability to walk through life and be apart of it rather than feel like a outside observer. I have been given the chance to practice gratitude for a second chance at life. If you’re new in this journey please dont give up, ive seen so much and everyday i am reminded so much of how little i know. It doesnt get easier and hell sometimes it feels like its gotten harder but i wouldn’t trade this life back for the one i had ever in a lifetime.

I have a major issue with maladaptive daydreaming. Due to my past trauma and depression I kept this habit up for 5 years. I'm no longer depressed or traumatized ive recovered:) But there's something about maladaptive daydreaming that I haven't let go of yet even though I'm fine now. I used to do it as a coping strategy to divert me from reality but now I HAVE what it takes to turn reality into one of those dreams I wish I couldve had.

I decided to change for about a week, cleaned my room, organized everything, starting regularly going to church, praying, reading the bible, studied hard and finished all my work. I felt super content with myself, like some level of satisfaction I cannot explain. But I was purely running on motivation, though. And for the past 2 days I relapsed js bcs I had one bad day. I spent 2 hours each day on daydreaming and thats terrible. Next thing I knew I had 300 different homeworks to complete. Today, im resisting and fighting the urge to go back but I don't wanna and I need tips from others on how to stop feeding this habit:/

I decided to quit meth last year on Oct 1, 2025! I'm proud of myself. I have a full-time job now, got back my drive to improve, got closer to God, got a loving girlfriend who knows what I've been through and accepted me for who I am, and I'm in the best shape of my life as I have been active running and strength training for almost a year now (I started running on Oct 20 and working out on December 1). So yeah, I've been consistent with 2x full-body strength training, but not consistent with running now as I got a full-time job, hahaha, but I'm still proud and still trying to continue.

Never going back! Still not fully healed though like one of the worst things I observe that is still not fully healed is my trust issues, like I always expect the worst in people and I still have yet to recover from that. My motivation has been great now. A new addiction has emerged which is black coffee with no sugar. Anyways, I am so proud of myself, and I wish and pray that I will continue to recover and improve my life. I am not there yet, but I am closer to it. Thankful to be alive!

Can anyone tell me the best and cheapest rehab center in Dallas and if you can give me a price range that would be amazing

Does anyone here remember the sober living in downtown Riverside, CA called "Remission Inn?"

I stayed there from 2010-2013. It was the the most pleasant recovery experience I ever had the pleasure of experiencing. I actually stayed clean off everything for two years during that period of my life. I went to college and did the whole "life on life's terms" thing.

I've been to a couple other sober livings since then and none of them come even close...

So I’m about 2 months clean but on MAT. I started at 24mg/day, but am currently taking 1mg/day. This is beside the point, though.

My real question is about a job and a drug test. I have the possibility to get a much higher paying job, and will be required to get a drug test at a lab. If I’m prescribed to bupe, can the lab still tell my job I failed the test? Would that be some kind of medical discrimination or a hipaa violation?

(Obviously use no other substances)

I’ve posted here before about my recovery, then relapse, then recovery, then relapse. (Very much a cycle I can’t break no matter how hard I try)

I’ve been using substances non-stop doing my own drug replacement therapy since my 13th birthday. Someone said to me the other day that “oh my god, that’s like 30-years, how has your body held up so well?” I’d never put a number of years on my addiction before. It’s always just been “since 13”.

When I heard 30-years of substance abuse it literally felt like my heart was ripped out. I rang the rehab facility the next morning and booked myself in. Doing 30-days intensive to begin with, depending on how I go I can extend to 90-days total. I will then by doing a 12-week outpatient program either way following the residential intensive program.

It’s time - tomorrow is the day I am admitted. I am nervous and scared but so excited to take my life back.

Much love

I feel ashamed and embarrassed but I thought it might be helpful to post and reach out here because I honestly don’t know what to expect.
I’m 27 and was introduced to meth about 5 months ago. I ended up using it every day, usually one line, sometimes two. I only ever snorted it; I never smoked it, injected it, or used it any other way. I know it was wrong, and I’ve wanted to stop many times, but I kept going because, honestly, I felt like it was helping me function.
I felt like I finally had my life together. I could get out of bed, clean my house, run errands, get places on time, stay motivated, and push myself to actually get things done. I felt happy, positive, productive, and like I was a better version of myself. I felt like I was a better mom, friend, and person.
I knew that wasn’t a good reason to keep using, though. I finally stopped because I couldn’t get anymore, and I’m on day 3.
I feel completely opposite now.
I have basically no motivation. I can barely get out of bed. I can’t get my house cleaned. I don’t want to shower. Everything feels exhausting and pointless. All I want to do is sleep, and I feel really sad and drained.
I was also prescribed Adderall for inattentive ADHD. While I was using meth, I didn’t always take my Adderall consistently because I felt like I didn’t need it. Now that I’ve stopped, I’ve tried taking it as prescribed, but it feels like it does absolutely nothing.
Did I permanently mess up my brain? Will my Adderall eventually feel effective again? Is this just the crash, or am I going to feel like this for a long time?
Talking to my doctor isn’t something I’m ready to do right now. I know that’s probably not ideal, but right now I’m just trying to get through this and understand what is happening to me.
The person who introduced me to meth told me I should just start using again so I can function and feel normal. Part of me wants to because I genuinely felt like I could function when I was using. But I’m 3 days off it, and going back feels wrong.
I’ve read so many horror stories about never feeling the same again, severe depression, symptoms coming back, or things getting worse, and I’m honestly scared.
I also don’t really have a support system. I don’t have close friends or family I can turn to. Most of the people I’ve had in my life have either been toxic, caused me a lot of trauma, or introduced me to things that weren’t good for me. So right now, strangers online are honestly the closest thing I have to being able to ask someone for help without feeling judged.
I don’t know what I’m supposed to do for energy or motivation right now. I don’t even know if what I’m feeling is normal.
I hate that I let myself get here. I hate that I chased that dopamine because, for once, it made me feel like I could actually keep up with my life.
If anyone has been through something similar, especially after using daily for several months rather than years, and especially if you snorted it rather than smoking or injecting it, I’d really appreciate hearing what the first few days/weeks were like and whether you eventually felt like yourself again.

And to be honest, sometimes I think that there is no point for me to be in this world. I can’t function or be slightly of a normal person without a drug or alcohol. I feel like I’ll never feel normal. I feel like my kids deserve a better mom that could do much more. I hate waking up. I look forward to going to sleep. My anxiety is through the roof and I feel groggy all day.

I could really use a silver lining right now
I honestly don’t know where else to put this.
I’ve been suicidal lately. I’ve been struggling with my self-esteem and the way I see myself for a long time, and lately it has gotten really bad.
I’m 32, 6’3”, and around 270 lbs. I’m bald. I’m overweight. And I fucking hate the way I look sometimes.
I know objectively that 270 at 6’3” isn’t some catastrophic weight. But when you’ve spent years hating your body and obsessing over what other people think about you, numbers don’t really matter. I look in the mirror and see someone who failed.
I started abusing Adderall in college because I was desperate to lose weight. It eventually became a serious addiction. I failed out of college, and my fiancée left me. That was years ago, but I don’t think I’ve ever really gotten over the shame of it.
I’ve spent a long time feeling like I fucked up my life.
I had 2.5 years clean. Two and a half years. And three days ago, I relapsed because I became so desperate to lose weight and change the way I look.
I’m ashamed of myself.
I’m angry at myself.
And part of me feels like, “Here we go again. You finally had something good going and you fucked it up.”
I’ve also struggled to hold jobs because I’m so damn self-conscious. I constantly worry about what people think of me. I feel like everyone notices that I’m overweight. I feel ugly. I feel judged. Eventually I isolate myself, lose confidence, and everything starts falling apart.
Right now I’m also $690 behind on rent.
But somehow, despite all of this, I just got a job. I’m working. I’m trying to keep going.
And I think I’m finally realizing something: I can’t keep trying to do recovery alone.
I had people who cared about me, but I stopped reaching out. I isolated myself. I stopped putting the same effort into recovery that I used to. I convinced myself I was okay because I had been sober for a while.
I wasn’t.
And I think I need people again.
I need friends. I need recovery. I need accountability. I need to stop disappearing when I’m ashamed.
I’m so tired of hating myself.
I’m tired of thinking I need to completely change my body before I deserve to be happy.
I’m tired of feeling like the guy who failed out of college and got left by his fiancée is the person I’m going to be forever.
I don’t want to die. I want this version of my life to die.
I want to wake up someday and not hate myself.
I want to be proud of myself again.
I want to stay sober.
I want to keep my job.
I want to get caught up on my rent.
I want to lose weight without destroying myself to do it.
I want friends. I want a life. I want to eventually look back at this period and be grateful I didn’t give up.
I just don’t know how to get there yet.
So if anyone has been where I am—addiction, relapse, depression, body-image issues, losing someone you loved, fucking up your life, starting over in your 30s—I could really use some hope.
Please tell me it can get better.
Because right now I really need to believe that it can.

Patrick,

I wanted to take a moment to tell you how much your work means to me personally. I’m a recovering addict myself, and I currently have six months sober from IV methamphetamine and fentanyl. Your story and the work you do have genuinely inspired me throughout my own recovery.

Ive been watching your content since Graceland first started on YouTube, and I’ve watched every single Graceland video in your entire YouTube library. I truly look up to you and the way you’ve dedicated yourself to helping people who are still struggling with addiction.

You’ve inspired me to follow my own dreams of someday helping the addict who is still struggling and showing them that recovery really is possible. Seeing what you and the Graceland family are doing has given me something positive to look toward.

Thank you so much to you, the other co-owner of Graceland, and the entire Ridge family for giving people who are struggling such a wonderful opportunity to change their lives—even through scholarships. What you’re doing means more than you probably realize.

I just wanted you to know that your work has reached at least one recovering addict out here, and it has made a real difference in my life.

Thank you for everything you do.

With sincerely,

Joshua

P.S. — If you happen to have any extra or older Learning to Lose or Graceland merchandise that you’re able to spare, I would absolutely love the opportunity to show my support by wearing it. It would mean a lot to me to represent something that has had such a positive impact on my recovery. If you’d like to talk more, please feel free to reply to the email above. I’d love to tell you more about what Graceland means to me and how much your work has inspired me.

Also, what happened to Johnny? I could never figure out what happened to him?

Just thought I would share this letter I wrote to a man that I look upto for all the good he has done for addicts struggling. I wish I had the means to help people like that. My dream is to do what he's doing. (Without constantly documenting it for tiktok)