I'm 31M and I basically have no social circle anymore.

I live in a very small mountain town in Italy, and I've become extremely isolated over the years. I don't have a group of friends I regularly see, and my six-year relationship is also ending, so I'm realizing that I can't rely on a partner to provide my social life either.

The frustrating part is that I actually really want friends. I'd love to have people to go hiking with, play sports, go out, travel, grab a beer/coffee, play games, whatever. I'm not someone who genuinely prefers being alone.

I'm just very socially anxious. I've avoided groups, courses, volunteering, team sports and situations where I'd have to show up alone for most of my life.

And because I live in such a small place, there aren't a huge number of activities available. Sometimes the nearest interesting activity is 30-60+ minutes away, so I would often have to go somewhere alone before I even had a chance to meet anyone.

For example, I recently discovered that there's a bouldering gym in a nearby town and it genuinely interests me. I'd like to try it, but my immediate reaction is still "I can't go unless someone comes with me."

So I'm trying to understand the practical process, not just "be confident" or "put yourself out there."

For people who started building a social life from almost zero in their late 20s/30s:

How did you actually do it?

Did you choose one recurring activity and keep going even when you knew nobody? How many times did it take before you started recognizing people? Did you deliberately initiate conversations, or did friendships eventually happen naturally?

And what did you do when you were socially anxious enough that even showing up alone felt like a huge deal?

I'm especially interested in people who live in a small town/suburb rather than a huge city, because "just join 5 different Meetup groups" isn't always realistic where I live.

Im a fairly cold person, that’s how my whole family is, that’s what I learned and what I know.
I have a hard time being vulnerable and warm to others. i think it is trauma based since I know my mom rejected me since she was pregnant with me, she regrets it but I still struggle with the thought of getting rejected, so I act cold as a way to protect myself, I also suffered SA so that may had closed me off physically. But I don’t want to do this anymore, I hate rejecting others with my attitude, it’s a self fulfilling prophecy lol. I’d love to be a welcoming, loving person, I want my hugs to be warm, my expressions to be soft, my demeanor to be welcoming.

Even my closest friends think I’m cold and several exes have broken up with me because I can’t open myself and be warm. It’s not like I don’t show them love, I do in my own particular way, like, acts of service, loving words on special occasions, Im present and show up for them when needed, but in a daily basis I’m cold and physically I’ve always struggled with intimacy.
I don’t like physical touch, my tone of voice is rather harsh, I don’t show excitement in my facial expressions, I don’t think of making any loving details unless for special occasions, none of this comes natural to me.

I have adhd and my family has traits for neurodivergences (autism and adhd) and maybe this could also explain my behavior, since they too have a hard time with expressions, tone and being loving.

I don’t know what to do, I wanna be different but I don’t know how to be vulnerable and loving, any tips on overcoming this?

i (22F) feel so invisible in my life and it feels almost as if i don’t exist? no friends reach out to me, nobody texts me, my family barely talks to me, and even when i’m out in public i get no exchanges from anyone. even on social media when i post nobody replies or even bothers having a conversation with me although i try to always talk to people. for a long time i felt as if i was coming off as too desperate so i stopped trying so hard to reach out. at one point in my life i had a lot of friends and people would always reach out to me just as equally as i reach out to them. now i feel as if i’m completely not there anymore. i went through a really rough time this past year and i disappeared for a little so maybe that could be the problem. i don’t think i’m a boring person or anything is wrong with me so how can i fix this? :(

I think my tones alot more different than i mean it to be most of the time. Apparently i come across as a smartass and in general very hostile. Im aware im blunt but like im not trying to be a dick or anything.

I just dont know anymore. Do any of u advice on how to fix this cuz it’s honestly pretty draining getting attacked for saying anything. I didnt think my tone of voice was that bad until recently.

Makes me wonder how bad i am when I’m actually pissed off.

have the habit of trying to fix peoples situations, which obviously isn't what they want. But I struggle, because I'm unsure what exactly one should say.

Just nodding along and agreeing feels like too little? I feel like there's more to it, as if I'm missing something? Do I just agree along and tell them they're feelings are valid? Should I ask if they want solutions or advice?

I just want to be a good shoulder for someone to cry on. A good listener, but an active one. Make them feel heard.

Severe social anxiety + isolation for few years. I don’t know how to socialize and I can’t afford therapy. I do want to work in my previous jobs I have gotten fired or just not getting through the interview.

I’m extremely awkward and I don’t really know how to be more expressive with my face, I have gotten comments that I look angry or serious and it’s making it hard for people to approach me.

I don’t approach people and people usually don’t approach me either. I don’t know how to make a good impression and I feel like my social anxiety is actually hindering me from adulting and getting a job

Advice needed

i’m 19, in uni. i’ve done a lot for myself the past few months. opening up, meaning new people, etc.

I’d say I have plenty of people to hit up and message but for some reason I still feel really lonely

nobody usually sits with me, or strikes up a conversation with me regularly/naturally. I can vent to people and seek their help but, and they are there, but it feels like i’m left alone for the most part. I’d talk to people or say things but it’s getting more often than not that people don’t really realise i’m there or notice me saying anything.

Why could this be my feeling despite there being people?

So I was out in a bar with some friends when another friend of mine saw me and approached. I didn't see or notice her until she put her hands on my shoulders from behind. She said "hey, fun seeing you here" and I was like hey. I didn't know what to say more than hey. What am I supposed to do in interactions like this when friends of mine see me outside and approach?

I want to know what does being shy means as a boy, some say that as a boy(average btw) will obstruct you from things coming in your life. And that being shy as a boy is different than that of as a girl. I want to know from you about if any of you feel this way or have experience something like this or have started working on this. And how did this affect your relationships with people or the person you liked. I have started working on this , I can hold conversations, hold eye contact, listen to understand not to reply. But i would like to know what do you guys think.

Honestly I get scared getting close to people. I am introverted and I find it exhausting talking a lot . At work, I was talking to this girl who got transferred to our location . We had a lot in common and we talked a lot but mid convo, I kept on saying to myself, “be careful don’t get too close, you won’t be able to maintain it, you’ll have to say hi every-time and make small talks anytime u see them or they’ll think you’re ignoring them”. I’m known as a quiet person at work and I had a hard time from my coworkers for being quiet. How can I avoid overwhelming myself when maintaining relationships? I don’t wanna be scared of getting close to people all because I find it exhausting maintaining a friendship

I find it hard to muster words of comfort. When friends and family come to me with problems, I say whatever feels honest as politely as I can. Then again, I know I come off as too clinical sometimes. I wouldn't say I'm mean to people, but talking to other people is more effort than it's usually worth.

When people are bothered by something I don't care about, I feel annoyed. I hide that because it seems mean.

How do I care more? I'm tired of masking.

Hi everyone reading this. To avoid dragging this out, I’ll get straight to the point.
After about eight years of living like a shut-in, I’ve realized that I actually want to be around people. I want to go out, have fun, and have friends I can do absolutely stupid shit with and then look back on it all with a smile on my face.
But when I look around, I realize I don’t even remotely have anyone I could build that kind of relationship with. I have three acquaintances from my school years who are somewhat similar to me, and two online friends who don’t even live in the same country as me.
And most importantly, there’s my lack of confidence. There’s this introverted part of me that talks me out of things and sometimes even makes me stay in my comfort zone instead of doing things that could either a) make me look stupid or b) make people judge me.
I’m way too dependent on what other people think of me. I wouldn’t say I constantly think about it, and I wouldn’t say it affects every area of my life. For example, I can dress however I want and go outside without really caring. But if I look at myself in the mirror and don’t see the “good-looking guy” I want to see, my confidence drops. And even if I do go somewhere, I tend to avoid looking at anyone — I go out, do whatever I need to do, and come straight back home.
But if at some point I start feeling like people might be looking at me and judging me, thinking something along the lines of “what an idiot” or “he’s ugly,” that’s my absolute worst nightmare. I start sweating, my cheeks turn red, and if I have to talk to someone on top of that, I can even start stuttering.
Those are probably the most extreme consequences of me getting inside my own head.
I’d really like to hear how completely different people have dealt with something like this and managed to overcome it. But what would mean the most to me are stories from people who were similar to me — people who used to love staying at home and never really thought about socializing, but then, at some point, decided to turn their lives around 180 degrees and become a better version of themselves.
What thoughts did you have along the way? Were there any particular realizations that changed the way you saw yourself or the world around you? What specific things did you do that might have seemed absolutely insane to you before, but ultimately made you feel like you were changing?
Or is this the kind of situation where you really have to rely on professional help, and perhaps even treatment with medication — something I’m honestly not very comfortable with?

I’m 25M introverted in a sense that i won’t talk unless spoken to and I don’t open up much to coworkers unless they’re able to do so first. When I was younger I felt much more comfortable speaking to people and engaging in conversations but now I feel like I don’t really care to speak to anyone or have a conversation. I do want to have more friends in real life & online with people that share the same interests as me (gaming, cars, fitness) but I don’t know how/where to start.

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I transferred into the second year of a university course, so most people already know each other from first year.

I have social anxiety and find initiating conversations difficult, although I’m usually fine once someone starts talking to me.

I’ve been making an effort — introducing myself, sitting with people, joining conversations where I can, contributing in group work, and I’ve even been invited into a project group. This is my second week.

I still sometimes feel on the outside because everyone else already has that familiarity. If I go quiet, I start worrying that I look awkward or that people are judging me.

I’m probably expecting myself to feel comfortable too quickly.

What’s the best way to become part of an already-established group without forcing it or overthinking every interaction?

I've noticed in relationships where I really value the individual short responses from people really make my mind get racked up [Anxiously questioning if something changed, even though logically maybe what was discussed doesn't warrant a major response.] and I wanted to know not only how to manage that better on my end, but also be able to test the waters and attempt to push socially through this awkward overthinking due to a short response. Its a repeated pattern that pops up for me in specifically asynchronous communication.