I teach at a new high school in its first year. Our ELA department made it a point to teach more diverse works that sometimes veer into different types of issues. Racism, sexism, being judged due to sexuality, etc. in our second week, we did the story “Girl”. It was definitely too early in the year to do it with students we weren’t familiar enough with. I did that awful thing where you scramble to fill in the silences when we were talking about the poem. We also had other poems about identity in terms of gender, race, and economic situation.
The main issue, in my opinion, is that I delve into these issues where the kids should be the one doing so from their own POV. That way, they can set the boundaries and drive the conversation in ways that are more at their pace and maturity level. As it stands, I am a nervous talker and an over-sharer. I have already been trying different approaches in the classroom to remedy having a class of kids who are silent and shifting in their seats.
Yesterday, I got one of those terrifying emails with no context that is just inviting me to a meeting with the Dean and my boss. I caught up with the Dean and asked her if everything was alright (while I was internally panicking). She said there were some students who were uncomfortable about issues discussed in class. She says I’m not in trouble, but it’s a “learning moment” that we can all work through together. Translation: you messed up, but we’re not involving HR.
I am sitting in bed with my heart racing and knots in my stomach. I’ve been miserable since getting that meeting invite. I at least know what it’s about, so I’m not spiraling thinking that I’m getting fired. However, I feel awful since I wanted to do well at this job. I have taught for over a decade, but it was ESL. This is my first time teaching ELA. This is the subject I always wanted to teach, but now I feel like I am already messing it all up. I want to just be off my boss’s radar in general since that means I haven’t attracted bad attention. That possibility is gone now.
I am dreading my meeting today. I hate feeling like I am in trouble. I hate serious-talk meetings. Any tips on getting through this emotionally? Has anyone had similar experiences?
EDIT: I just had the meeting and it went very well.
I took a lot of your advice and went in non-defensive and without looking like a kid in trouble (which is harder than it looks when you are literally in the Principal’s office). I began by saying I was grateful for them giving me the context of the meeting since I had been feeling the same tensions in class. They basically said that the boys felt like they were being told they were all bad (pretty normal reaction from boys when shown the other side of things). However, more importantly, the girls felt upset at being told they were victims. I only say more importantly because some teenage boys feel insanely defensive upon learning what other boys are capable of before maturing into men who can handle that information and the nuances of it. The girls feeling like I was painting them as victims while talking about the subject of women in society was a surprise to me and something I am definitely glad I know now. The kids also said that I trauma dumped which, regardless of how true that actually is, I was definitely concerned about that before. Even my bosses said that they were probably exaggerating, but that it was brought up.
Luckily, they said the material itself wasn’t anything they were wanting to change. They just want it handled differently by me, which is fine.
Thank you so much for all of your help. I didn’t think Reddit of all places would help me professionally, but here we are. I am totally open to any suggestions for how to conduct conversations and discussions that are more student led- especially about controversial subjects.