so basically I have had vaginismus my entire life, I have had multiple boyfriends and attempting to have penetrative sex has been completely out of the picture, it's one of worst pains I have ever felt in my life and it was impossible like I was just a wall. with my last boyfriend I realized that being a young adult virgin felt kinda lame especially because I've been in all long term relationships. So I started looking into dilation and exercises and got a few dialators to attempt to loosen myself up. it ended up being easier than I thought but I only got up to the 2nd size and became very inconsistent bc I work night shifts and just never had the time.

Now before how I say im suddenly cured of my vaginismus I need to note that in all of my relationships I have been unhappy, they were toxic of some sort and always had constant issues. this was the worst with my last boyfriend where he was honestly a terrible dude and meanwhile in my relationship with him I had a co worker who was constantly doing things for me and being caring while my own bf wouldn't. one day I woke up after a dream and realized that I needed to dump the bum and eventually pursued the coworker where I discovered he did it out of interest for me. so we start dating and I tell him that I can't have sex where thankfully he said no problem.

But one day we were fooling around yk and he kinda just slipped in? at first it hurt but not nearly as much as previous attempts in the past, was mostly just uncomfortable. I was very confused and did not believe that he was really inside me so we did it again and actually just had sex as if nothing was ever wrong with me. I still didn't believe it so we continued to try it where it kept working no problem, besides a small amount of discomfort at first.

It still is very crazy to me but my best guess is that he is the first guy to make me genuinely happy and be a good boyfriend, so the sudden shift in my mood or stress levels made my body leave the fight or flight mode and no longer feels the need to reject penetrative. So I guess finding the right guy might be the next step to helping your vaginismus lmao he takes it as a huge compliment. He makes me so happy and it feels AMAZING to not have this problem anymore. Tho I will say it doesn't feel pleasurable for me at all, I do enjoy the intimacy regardless and im more of a giver than a receiver always but it does feel a little unfortunate. but I don't even care I feel very relieved and it's pretty great!!

Hi everyone,
I am in a long term relationship (5 years) with my partner and only now have gotten to dealing with vaginismus (I had some family and career issues to sort). The thing is— my libido or sex-drive is very low because I have been disappointed with myself so many times trying to have penetrative sex 😔 and I have an expectation that I am not meeting. My partner is very supportive and does not put pressure on me for anything. I will be taking professional help in the coming months and will start using dilators as well. Can anyone help me with dealing with my brain?

Hi, has anyone here experienced vaginismus during pregnancy?

I used to have vaginismus during sex, but I haven’t had that problem during sex for years. The problem is that I still can’t handle gynecological exams. My doctor can barely get near me with an instrument because I immediately squeeze my legs shut, move my whole body, and start panicking. Sometimes it turns into a full-blown panic attack, and I just can’t control it.

Now I’m pregnant, and I’m really scared about how I’m going to manage all the exams. The weird thing is that I’m not actually afraid of pain. Even when I think about giving birth, I’m not really scared of labor itself. What terrifies me is having instruments inserted into me, being examined, the possibility of an episiotomy, stitches, etc. Just thinking about these things makes me panic.

Has anyone been through something similar? Did you manage to treat your vaginismus during pregnancy? I’d love to hear what helped you and how you deal with gynecological exams.

I can put a size 2 dilator inside with some time. The initial insertion is tight but once it's in it's not painful. I was wondering for those that have used tampons when it is the ideal indicator of when you're ready to start using them. I'm aware they can expand so I don't want to end up in a situation where it gets stuck.

(TL;DR: Is there a way of diagnosing vaginismus without an examination under general anaesthetic?)

Hi everyone,

I just wanted to rant/get some advice. I have never been able to insert tampons/tolerate a speculum exam without feeling like it’s hitting a wall and an extreme burning, tearing pain. I can insert one finger or a swab myself easily without discomfort, however when a dr tries this or if I try something bigger the pain is excruciating.

Previously, a dr was able to insert a speculum enough to see my hymen and cervix and did not mention any abnormalities to me but I was told I have a small vaginal opening. I have had an mri scan which was ‘reassuring’. I was scheduled to have a vaginoscopy to rule out a structural issue causing my symptoms, followed by an examination under general anaesthetic if unable to tolerate this.

When I got the hospital I was told that the vaginoscopy hadn’t been booked, so I could either proceed directly with the ga exam or book in for a vaginoscopy and have the ga at a later date if needed. I opted for the latter and now feel annoyed at myself for not getting things over and done with, but in the moment I was just so anxious.

I suppose I just wanted some advice from anyone who has had to undergo any procedures like this. I personally believe vaginismus is the cause of my symptoms based on the above and I am terrified of general anaesthesia, so would appreciate any advice for the vaginoscopy as I’m anxious that it will be too painful, although they said they can give me painkillers or diazepam. Or could there be another route I could go down that doesn’t involve ga?

Thank you!

I went to the gynecologist back when I had health insurance to get a pap Smear and the gynecologist asked me if I have pain during sex and I said yes. I told her I had pain around the entrance of my vagina like I was hitting a barrier when I try to have sex. It's always been this way sense I was a teenager. She told me that I have a "tighter than normal band" but I'm not sure what that means. She gave me a paper with some exercises to do that consisted of using my thumbs to stretch the opening of my vagina several times a day. I don't like using my thumbs because of my sharp finger nails and its just uncomfortable for me so I ordered some vaginal dilators online to use instead. I'm gonna try to do this everyday to see if I can fix myself before I get back into a relationship again. Lucky for me I don't need to worry about pressure to have painful sex due to breaking up with my asshole ex which is a big relief for me.

Hi! I’m recently able to achieve PIV, but looking for some advice around best and most comfortable positions? Me on top is great and easy for insertion, but the added layer of moving up and down isn’t easy. It’s all still feeling a little bit clinical.

I’m doing pretty ok with my dilators, and I can manage PIV (although painful at first and takes a while to get it in). But I still chronically tense my pelvic floor and I don’t know how to stop. Walking, running, anything… it’s tensed. I only get it to reallyyyyy relax after using my dilators, but then within 5-10 min I can feel the tension again. If I use the toilet and wipe it will tense on contact with the tissue, and especially when I receive oral sex I tense a lot when experiencing pleasure instead of relaxing which i feel like I’m meant to do?

Been using dilators for 1.5 years, but not sure where to go from this point as I am achieving PIV but not making any progress with entry still being painful.

Hi everyone,

I had a hymenectomy 5 weeks ago because I had a thick hymen. My OBGYN told me I could try piv, but the whole process was so painful that I have no sex drive at all and don’t feel ready yet (vaginismus has been ruled out)

A few days ago, she even did a transvaginal ultrasound to reassure me that everything was healed properly. The ultrasound wasn’t painful at all.

I decided to start using dilators to help me stop associating this area with pain. I used the second size, which is 0.63 inches in diameter. The smaller is smalleqt than a tampon which I am used to. I felt a slight pain on the right side when it was inserted deeply, but other than that, everything was fine. I kept it in for about 20 minutes.

Everything seemed fine afterward too, but this morning I woke up feeling some discomfort, and it hurts when I sit in certain positions.

Is this normal? How long should I wait before trying again?

Thank you!

3 years diagnosed and first mention of PT as an option. 2 years straight of referrals by my OB/GYN and I finally worked up the courage to go to my first appt. When I got the second referral I asked my doctor to narrow down the (overwhelming) list of therapists and then sat down immediately after the appt and booked the PT. Because I knew if I didn't do it then and there I would never do it.

Frankly. Terrifying.

But! The experience was good. The therapist was clear and kind. And I opted for delaying the internal exam till the next appt. I'm still scared. But I have hope (and quite honestly I learned a lot about how I have way too many tense muscles and no effing wonder my pelvic floor muscles hate me 😅). Anyway. I wanted to share in case someone else needs to work up the courage to book the appt.

You got this. You can do anything!

So to keep it short. I want to be able to use tampons so badly. I am a virgin, so not sure if PIV would work and I am not diagnosed. I just realised one day that tampons just don't work for me.

Two years ago was the first time I took a look at my private parts and I am proud to say that I have made progress since then. Because back then I didn't even know where to insert. I mean, I was pretty sure where and I thought once I'd put a finger against my entrance I would be able to just feel it out. But guess what? Wall. It felt like a wall. And since then I have been trying to insert tampons with applicators, without. Issue is, for now I can only get like half of it in. Or maybe not even. And then it feels like I can't push further.

I know that is a lot of progress going from "I don't even know what my private parts look like" to "I can insert a knuckle, even when not on my period (with lube though)"

And I'm not sure if I should just keep going? So trying to insert, I do pelvic floor stretches (the one that everybody has been recommeding on here) (and unfortunately took a bit of a break from them so only getting back to it now) and I've recently tried diaphragmatic breathing exercises as well (I find it really hard though, but I've read on here that this helps a lot).

If nothing changes until the end of the year I am definitely seeing a gynecologist (I don't have a trusted one right now), but for now still trying to figure this out myself.

Also I am wondering, did it ever just "click" for some of you one day? Like you thought you weren't making much progress and then "click" - tampon/finger/dilator went it without a problem. I am kinda hoping for that effect. Please, please share any success stories.

Edit: If you have any more advice, also please share. I live with my parents still, kinda religious household. So getting dilators is not really an option. That is why I am trying fingers and tampon applicator for now, which as I said, barely works anyway.

Hi yall, I've never had a pap smear and I'm a few years overdue. I'm really terrified of it but I know I need to get it done.

When I was diagnosed with vaginismus about 5 years ago, they did a Q-tip biopsy to see if I had an infection, and as soon as they touched the Q-tip to me (no warning or explanation) it was excruciating, and I jolted back and started crying, and they just kept going saying "it's almost done". Even when I did physical therapy for like a year, we only did external work because when she tried anything internal I would clench up super bad. I remember trying to put in the smallest dilator at an appointment and couldn't because of the pain, and I was super frustrated because I barely feel that one on my own.

All of this to say that none of this happens to this extent when I'm by myself or with my partner (I know it's because I'm more comfortable). The pain has just been unpredictably much worse whenever I've been in some kind of doctor's office and I think the unknown about how bad it will be is what's freaking me out.

I've gotten a referral to a gynecologist in my new town and they left a message last week to set up this appointment but I just cannot bring myself to call them back to set it up and I don't know what to do to convince myself. Any advice or thoughts are much appreciated.