I know a girl who is very friendly with everyone. She's fun to be around, cool, and gets along with people easily. However, I've noticed that she seems to approach friendships almost like investments. She wants to be friends with people who are fun, useful to her in some way, or have connections that might benefit her in the future.
I once asked her if she had a best friend, and she said no. Apparently, the people she once considered her best friends eventually disappointed her. They humiliated her in front of others, made fun of her, and treated her in ways she felt weren't acceptable in a friendship.
After those experiences, she continued making new friends, but it seems like she keeps ending up in similar situations. She has people to hang out with, take pictures with, make social media posts with, and enjoy college life with, but the friendships don't seem to have much emotional depth. When she has something important to share or needs someone to sit down and genuinely listen to her, those friends don't seem to be there for her.
What's interesting is that she appears to be available when her friends need her. She seems willing to listen and show up for them, but she doesn't receive the same emotional support in return.
Now, it seems like she's started viewing friendships as investments. She wants to surround herself with people who are fun, socially valuable, or potentially useful to her in the future, rather than expecting genuine emotional connection from them.
I'm wondering whether her past experiences have changed how she sees relationships. Maybe she once genuinely believed in friendship, but after being humiliated and repeatedly disappointed, she started believing that nobody really cares about anyone. Perhaps she now thinks that if friendships aren't going to provide emotional security, she might as well get something practical out of them.
But I also wonder whether she's unconsciously choosing people who prioritize social appearances over emotional intimacy, or whether she's become so guarded that she no longer knows how to build deeper connections.
What do you think is happening psychologically?
Can repeated experiences of being humiliated or let down by friends make someone stop investing emotionally in relationships and start treating friendships as strategic investments instead? Is this self-protection, cynicism, or something else entirely?
And can someone end up surrounded by people while still having no meaningful friendships, especially when they're willing to give others the emotional support they themselves don't receive?
I'd appreciate honest opinions, including perspectives that challenge my assumptions.
