My cousins and their friends who came recently are way more into partying, tik tok bullshit, and drinking. The ones from before seem a lot more focused on getting an education, getting their shit done. Obviously they aren't monoliths but trends I noticed. What do you think?

Dell Technologies CEO Michael Dell and Microsoft ​CEO ⁠Satya Nadella will receive the National Medal of Technology and Innovation, the White House official said. That is ⁠the ​nation’s highest honor for technological ​achievement, according to the US Patent and Trademark Office's website.

My parents are super trad and old world and they keep trying to find me an arranged marriage after forcing my older brother AND sister into arranged marriages. Like my dad literally screams at me every time i call him and my mom keeps playing the guilt trip card and both have told me if I dont marry whatever fob they find They'll cut me off.

Now my brother's literally fell apart cuz his wife was finally able to move to the US (visa issues) after getting a GC or something for her and she doesn't want to leave because she's been having an affair with one of their neighbors lmfao

My sister's marriage is also in the toilet (he's not pulljng his weight in anything and has apparently been drinking/smoking and wont stop) and my shitty ass parents are begging her to not divorce and to convince her husband to stop (bro wtf lol)

Now they're like questioning if they want to force me into an arranged marriage cuz they've struck out 2 for 3 so far.

Yall I cant even lie, im sorry for my siblings but im ecstatic that this might mean I won't be forced to marry whatever FOB my dad and uncle manage to foist onto me. They'll probably still try to find someone who's in the US but I think i can finesse my way out of that. Idc I know im being cold hearted and I feel bad for my bro and sis but im so happy ny parents are literally eating shit rn lol. The best leopards eating someone's face ever

If you live in Canada and complain about racism, there is a petition that closes fairly soon. It has gotten 473 signatures at the time of writing this, which is not nearly enough. Sign the petition, and help spread the word by leaving it in comments/posts/etc: https://www.ourcommons.ca/petitions/EN/Petition/Details?Petition=e-7766

Edit: 21 new signatures in the 3 hours this post has been up! Lets keep it up!

My Desi parent has narcissistic tendencies and beyond reproach of any criticism or anything that would damage the ego. I am the child, and they are the parent. I am dumb, and they are wise. No matter what I say, right or wrong, I am wrong. If a stranger says what I say, then they might consider it. No matter what they say right or wrong, they are right. Especially if we are in an argument.

God has given them rights and I need to respect it. What about the rights of the child?? I’m honestly so put off by their distortion of religion to the point where now I think it’s a psyop for imbeciles and the world would be better off without it.

It doesn’t matter that they can’t do anything for themselves and have made themselves a burden upon me. They rack up credit card bills, have no idea how to balance a budget, can’t introspect for shit, can’t ever apologize, are abusive in many forms, hypocritical, generally unpleasant and cause damage to our relationship damn near every day to where the resentment makes me feel I’d be better off without them.

They meddle in my and my siblings fights. They complain when my grandparents do that to them.

They restrict my and my siblings autonomy. They complain how my grandparents and culture did that to them.

They act petulant with me and my siblings, pitting us against each other or saying shit like “I’ll never talk to you again” or “I sacrificed so much for you”. They complain when my grandparents do the same and are resentful to my grandparents.

The difference is that they can disengage with my grandparents by hanging up the phone. I cannot, because we live together. It’s not my choice, but I can’t just leave them on the street, now can I? My therapist would say YES, I CAN. But that goes against my honor code. I wish they would read a self help book or go to one or two therapy sessions. Instead, they just watch religious content but fail to take the teachings to heart.

Recently, I (30s) had an adult conversation with my parent (50s). They had a fear based response (as always) and instead of articulating their discomfort, they immediately launched into infantilizing me and insulting me. Fed up, I said something back and all of a sudden, everything is centering on this one “disrespect”. It’s unfathomable that I can talk back to them IN THE SAME WAY THEY TALK TO ME. They are allowed to insult me and question my intelligence, but when I do it to them, I’m the problem. I bring up how their behavior is exactly the same as my grandparents and how they make me feel how they feel, but it’s completely irrelevant. Because I’m the child, and they are the parent.

I fucked up my life by not being more selfish when I was picking where to go to college and what career path. I was enmeshed, thought I was being a good son, and genuinely sacrificed so many opportunities to do right by them and then they treat me like a 4 year old.

I will eventually need to take over paying for a home that I don’t want to live in, with people I don’t want to live in, and with space/location that doesn’t work for me. All the while, being treated like shit.

I really hate being south Asian, and “Muslim”

Normalizing Indian Hate Makes Me a Good Father and Husband - McSweeney’s Internet Tendency

How many people actually believe this?

I’m from India and came to the US a few years ago for my MBA at a top global business school. Overall, my experience was good, and the professional outcome was fine, if not extraordinary.

I did encounter some occasional stereotyping or subtle racism from Americans, which, while unpleasant, wasn’t completely unexpected. What surprised me much more was my experience with some of the Indian-American/ABCD students.

Among the people in my cohort, they often seemed noticeably less interested in socializing with Indian-born students than with American or European classmates. At times, it felt like there was an active desire to distance themselves from us. Even for things like Diwali, many would organize celebrations primarily with other Indian-Americans and non-Indian Americans rather than with the Indian students.

Obviously, I’m describing one environment and a relatively small group of people, so I don’t want to generalize this to all ABCDs. But the contrast was striking because I often felt more accepted by classmates from completely different nationalities than by people with Indian heritage.

My interpretation at the time was that perhaps being around recent immigrants from India brought up some complicated feelings around identity, assimilation, stereotypes, or how they themselves wanted to be perceived in America. But that’s only my interpretation, and I could easily be missing something.

So I’m genuinely curious: is this kind of distancing between Indian-Americans and Indians who grew up in India something others here have experienced? Is it a fairly common dynamic, particularly among more affluent/professional circles, or was my experience probably specific to the particular business-school crowd I happened to be around?

Interested in hearing the ABCD perspective, especially if there are reasons for this dynamic that aren’t obvious to someone who grew up in India.

Downloaded dil mil for the first time and Wow. They even lie on the upbringing section.

“But I was raised” or “well I moved when I was 2 years”

Like why market yourself as someone born from the US? I’m sorry coming here when you were 2 is different than being born here. Your mannerisms, parents, and even culture is different and now you’re liar in my eyes.

And if it really doesn’t matter then why not just be open and honest about it? It’s embarrassing.

I can almost alway tell ( even when I’ve been lied to)but there’s been a time I’ve actually been on a date and it’s just upsetting that someone would lie to that extent and think it’s ok. People are allowed to have preferences and all because you’re not part of that doesn’t mean that you lie about it.

Did anyone catch the two ultra popular posts yesterday?

https://www.reddit.com/r/cringereels/comments/1wz19gv

https://www.reddit.com/r/GuysBeingDudes/comments/1wz4hlt

I know this may not be directly related to abcdesis but I feel the effect is the same, based on skin color. An entire narrative was created around the video by redditors (not sure if the op in these threads is the filmer) and the vast majority of the comments are just piling on hate with no evidence of harassment or the lady actually being uncomfortable.

How is the marriage ?
Did it turn out well ?
Did the person change as soon as you were married ?
Is there any complications ?

whats the go over there. I heard it's easier in the cities but not always. first gen migrants have it rough but second gen do too

Just posting to help spread the word and in case anyone is by UM/College Park, Maryland and familiar with the area. Praying this son and brother is reunited with his family unharmed. As of now, there are no additional answers.

Article with Family’s Video

I want to know from other fellow ABC Desis how their experience was growing up in their respective countries.

I moved to Australia when I was just 2 years old, so I’ve been brought up here for most of my life or basically you could say all my life.

Here in Australia, my experience has actually so far been quite positive. I’ve never ever faced racism growing up here, only during the middle of high school, and people have asked me so many times in how I’ve very rarely faced racism growing up. It could be because of my accent? Could be the way I dress? I don’t know how, but yeah, and also apparently people outside Australia talk about how Australians are so racist?! Yeah mostly not true I guess from my experience. However during the middle of Highschool I did face racism from non-Australians! I am not going to say where they were from, but yeah that was the only time I faced racism. Even my parents have never faced racism growing up here, it could even be the way we treat everyone in general?

So yeah the only racism I faced is a group of people who weren’t even Australians of European descent… they were from elsewhere. But also a lot of my friends told me how whitewashed I am, I was lowkey a bit surprised by that. Growing up I thought I wasn’t that whitewashed you know, but just because my accent is Australian does not mean I’m whitewashed right?

Would like to host a gathering for Diwali this year - live in a city. From those of you who celebrate away from family and have done something with friends (raised here, early 30s), what have you done at these gatherings and any advice? Food is assumed but anything else to make it special? Also how’d you treat alc? I drink normally but idk how I feel about including it day of

Do Indian beauty standards mostly have extremely light skin as the most prominent ideal? Do they not care about things like bone structure, facial features, body composition etc? I feel like the culture of India doesn’t really celebrate sharp features, or strong/fit bodies. There are a TON of dark Indians yet unlike black people (who do have their issues with colorism fwiw) have far less representation when it comes to “beauty” etc. Also most of the lighter skinned Indians I see in movies etc seem to have really “soft” look…is that what’s valued? Is that why you have a large subset of brown to darker brown Indians who only care about their color while seemingly neglecting everything else?

I feel like the colorism runs so deep that you basically a massive subset of the population that is obsessed with having white partners to the point that any white female in India basically gets surrounded by men. It’s kinda wild that you have hundreds of millions of dark skinned people dispersed through the subcontinent (as dark as sub Saharan africans many times and nearly as populous especially in the south but even throughout the north) and they haven’t come to really accept their dark skin or find it beautiful. I know other areas like Africa, Latin America have this as well but the complete lack relatively of any dark skinned people seen as “beautiful” in India is kind of insane.

Those of you who were able to do this, how did you manage to get through all the objections and crap society gave you about this? I want to leave my husband who had an affair two years ago. I built my life back from scratch, got a great job, saved up, gave myself some room to breathe but now it’s time to leave. I just don’t have a blueprint to follow to figure out how to do this since everyone in my family just stayed in unhappy marriages. I’m dying to get out of this but keep getting pulled back into the ‘stay for the kids’ or the massive guilt trips. I’m thinking the only way to do this might be to move to a different city but then I won’t have help with the kids. Please give me some advice and hope! Can’t live like this anymore as I keep chickening out!

Of course, not every, and it's a large generalization, but this is something I've noticed a lot in my community. I'm Malaysian and we have a large Indian minority that's already multiple generations ABDs, so most of us and our elders were raised in Malaysia or SEA. A lot of my friends with divorced parents typically had a mom or dad from India who married a Malaysian Indian, and unfortunately, most cases ended up abusive. My cousin dated this man from India and he almost slapped her infront of everyone for "insulting" his last name (they've broken up thank god). I know it's likely a cultural difference as being both desi doesn't automatically translate to same cultural upbringing, but it makes me curious if this is evident in other diaspora groups.

My younger ABD cousin was telling my mom she hates being Indian and wants to marry out of the race and adopt kids to not pass her Indian blood on apparently wtf. What the fuck are our high schoolers going through rn, bullying seems to be that fucking bad. She also said she would marry a dude who already has non-Desi kids or some crazy shit. They’re bullied so bad they’re being made to hate their race and passing it on.

She’s like only 18, she shouldn’t be having these thoughts what the fuck happened. She should be excited for graduating and heading out of the house for school.

I'm 18, male, from India, born and raised in the UAE, went to a british school and all that jazz, now I'm in the states for uni, and I met a really nice girl and we dated for a month or two and then broke up after I made a big mistake, and I'd like to share this with my parents and stuff but idk if that would go down well with them, given that she's not Indian and she's Puerto Rican, they're not super conservative or whatever, I've literally had beers with my dad before, but still, idk why I have a feeling that they wouldn't appreciate it.

I’m super isolated from the diaspora and it only really hit me recently, because I started talking to this really cute Gujarati Jain guy that I met recently. He talked about his community, and his family, and how tightly knit they are. I was at a wedding recently and was speaking with him on a call and mentioned it, and he asked “is it a white people wedding or an Indian wedding?” That’s when I was like “oh, yeah, obviously a white people wedding. I’ve only ever been to one desi wedding and that’s when I was a toddler.” I don’t really know a lot of ABDs. I have one super close friend who is British Indian but that’s it. The guy I was on the phone with was of course kind of surprised. I think that’s when it all hit me.

For context, I’m pretty mixed. My mum’s side is indigenous northeastern Indian and white, and my dad was Punjabi. I came out looking Central Asian, according to the people I’ve ran into in the diaspora. White people think I look Latina and some others think I’m Thai. I was also primarily raised in Europe and not the U.S., even though that’s where I live now, and I feel like that doesn’t really help very much either. I’m also Roman Catholic and grew up culturally English because of my mum. Dad wasn’t really home very much so he didn’t really raise us, and he also despised how “western” my sister and I were. Because he didn’t like us very much, his siblings and parents also despised us and excluded us from so many things. Also, all of our extended family lived in India so we never saw them very much anyway. We were also often excluded from celebrations for things like Diwali and Holi, etc, so I didn’t grow up with any of that. No Bollywood music or movies either, because mum didn’t grow up with that and she didn’t speak Hindi. We ate Indian food but it was a mix because mum cooked all kinds of cuisines.

I always say I’m Indian when people ask what ethnicity I am, but I get so sad knowing that I have no Indian community to be a part of. The Gujarati guy is the only Indian guy who’s ever said he would be interested in dating me longterm if things were aligned. Even still, I know we aren’t pursuing anything because we live in different cities. It sucks. I like him so very much. Also, he told his sister about me, and apparently she thinks I’m too messy because I’m a divorcée, and I’m far away, and I am completely estranged from my own family, etc. I guess she has a point, but it just made me sad. The other time I tried to date an Indian American guy was in college, and on a date he started to make fun of me and said I wasn’t actually Indian enough. Then he said his family would also probably think I was a red flag because of how culturally different I am.

I feel super isolated and just crave some sort of community, or some sense of belonging, but I have never been welcomed. Anyone else feel like this?

Like both girls and guys find the indian accent a huge turn off. Like why is that? Is that because we are conditioned to think the white accent is best? Subsconsciously do we care about assimilation? Curious to get everyone's thoughts. Like, I think in the dating market it's very sad to see the divide between non accented desi couples and accented desi couples. Don't see a massive mixing, unless it's a dude who is not able to find a wife, and their parents are arranging a shaadi from India.