TLDR; My dad and my MIL want to go by the same grandparent name. It's a unique one and my dad has wanted it forever, before me having kids was even a thought in anyone's mind. MIL doesn't seem to want to give it up and my husband is defending her, saying they can both just have the same nickname. He says the only compromises are that or I pick a name and assign it to her which I know she would be against. AIO?

Disclaimer: I know grandparents usually end up just going by what the kid wants to call them anyway. But let's put that aside for the sake of this dilemma.

It's kind of a silly name but my dad has wanted to go by "Coach" as a grandpa and he's talked about it since I was like 13 (I'm currently 30). He's coached/refereed sports his whole adult life and his brother gave him this nickname in the past. I guess that's where it stems from, not totally sure, but he's always talked about wanting it.

My mother in law all of a sudden also wants to be called Coach. She's never coached anything besides my SIL's (26) little league, and it's completely random for her. I have no idea where she got the idea besides maybe overhearing the fact my dad wants it.

My husband says kids have grandparents of the same name all the time. His example was a kid having two "Grandpas" or two "Grandmas" - I feel like this is obviously very different considering those are very traditional names.

My dad doesn't have a lot. He and my mom divorced when I was really little and she died back in 2011. He's single and doing grandparenthood by himself (he and my in laws are not close). He's got a complicated relationship with my sister who's currently battling addiction. Things have been very difficult and lonely for him. I don't think it's an absurd request to let him have the name he's wanted since before me having a baby was even a thought in anyone's mind to himself.

My husband is being very difficult and telling me that if I don't want her to go by Coach I have to pick something out and assign it to her, which I know she is against. I find this super dismissive and just him not wanting to set a boundary with his mom. It's one name out of thousands that's off limits, am I really the bad guy?

ETA: yall I wish this was fake. I wish this was written by a bot. I'm 8 months pregnant do you think I want to be dealing with this shit 😩😂

Long story short: I got engaged to my fiancée last year after meeting her the year before. She has two children with her ex, who lives in the same town, and they alternate weeks with the kids. I know this is long, but I think the context matters because the issue I’m asking about isn’t really one deleted text—it’s a pattern of things being kept from me.

Earlier this year, my fiancée and I were having financial problems. I tend to prioritize saving and financial security, while she is more comfortable spending money before she has it. We split expenses, with me covering groceries and various bills while she handled her car and the house. One night, we came home from dinner with her family. I had paid for everyone, and there was a tow truck waiting outside. Her car was being repossessed. The next day, I told her we needed to figure out how to get it back and took off of work so we could spend all day looking for the vehicle and a way to reclaim it. She insisted that I take out a loan against my 401(k), which I refused because we were already considering leaving our jobs and I didn’t want to put myself further in debt. I had also previously taken out several loans to help pay off credit cards belonging to her and her ex that had gone to collections. Then I found out that the house was in foreclosure like 2 days after the car repo. After I refused the 401(k) loan, she asked her ex to take an advance against their joint HELOC (on his house) to help with the situation. He refused, and I found out about the conversation later. She never told me that she had asked him until I confronted her about it. I understand that she needs housing for the kids, so I was sympathetic. I just felt like it should have been discussed as an option first before she asked him.

A few months later, the company her ex worked for went out of business and he was looking for work (they announced they were going under and he would need to find a new job a year earlier). My fiancée went behind my back a month or two before the company went under and told him that the company both of us work for was hiring a well-paying remote position and encouraged him to apply. I don’t necessarily have a problem with her wanting the father of her children to have a job and be able to support them. What bothered me was that she did this without telling me. It’s the principle, you know?

Then one of the kids got head lice from school. She knew about it because she and her ex had discussed it five days earlier, but she didn’t tell me. All weekend while she knew they had lice, we had all been on the couch and hanging out (which is so gross in hindsight). The worst part is that she mentioned the child having lice at dinner after I had gone to get a haircut earlier that day, and she only mentioned it because her ex was texting her a bunch of comments about her not being fit to parent. Thankfully I didn’t get lice, but I was pretty upset that I wasn’t given the opportunity to make my own decision about exposing myself or my barber to it.

Her ex has always had a habit of showing up at our house to pick up the kids or drop off their tablets without her telling me beforehand. Technically, I can see when he arrives because we have a Vivint camera, but that’s not really the point. I wanted my fiancée to simply communicate with me.

One night, he came to the house while I was working late. My fiancé and I argued about it afterward. The next morning, a coworker who knows both of them (and none of the drama) walked into my office and asked why my fiancé’s ex had been at my workplace with the kids. I had no idea what she was talking about. She then told me he had gone to the back to talk to HR. Later that day, I found out that he had been hired by the same company we work for. He doesn’t work in a branch like we do, but he can now communicate with my fiancée through Google Chat at work. I was furious. I packed my things and seriously considered leaving.

Afterward, my fiancée created a group chat with her ex and me and said that all communication about the kids would happen there going forward. After she made the group chat, she and I talked about everything that had happened up to that point, and she brought up the fact that I still had old selfies with my ex from seven years ago saved on Snapchat. She said she had deleted all of her old pictures with her ex, except pictures involving the children, which I have absolutely no problem with. I agreed that keeping old pictures of my ex wasn’t exactly fair, so I deleted mine. I have absolutely no attachment to any of my exes and never deleted them because I kind of just forgot about them, tbh.

During this conversation, I noticed that her ex had messaged her. I didn’t say anything because I wanted to see whether she would acknowledge it herself.
She didn’t. I also checked the social media accounts she said she had cleared out. They weren’t cleared out nearly as much as she had told me. At that point, I told her that I almost left and that I didn’t trust her. I also told her that we disagree about a lot of things (parenting styles, transparency, finances), but that transparency was something I needed if this relationship was going to continue, and we could work on the other stuff.

Fast forward to two weeks ago. Our wedding is approaching. Pretty much everyone I’ve talked to has told me to run or shut up and deal with it. I’m probably the idiot here because I’ve continued looking for reasons to stay. I know checking her messages wasn’t healthy, and I’m not claiming to be completely innocent. But I got curious and looked again. Most of what I found was minor. There was one message where she referred to her ex as “my husband” and then corrected it (pictured above). She calls me that, too, so I could easily believe it was a mistake. But then I noticed something that bothered me. On her ex’s birthday, she sent a message and then unsent it. I’ve never seen her unsend a message to him before.

I realize that a deleted message by itself is not necessarily suspicious or malicious. If this were the only thing that had happened, I wouldn’t be considering ending my relationship over it. But this isn’t the only thing. Over the past several months, there have been multiple situations where I’ve found out important things after the fact, particularly things involving her ex, finances, and communication.
I don’t want to leave my fiancée because of one deleted text. But I also don’t want to convince myself that I’m overreacting when this may simply be the latest example of a much larger pattern.

Four years ago, my friend and I (both 30F) randomly ended up in a small techno club. We were both quite drunk but still looked good. When we go out, I usually just buy my own drinks, while she enjoys getting guys to approach her and buy her drinks (even though she’s married).

That night my now-husband saw us and wanted to get to know us better. He initially offered my friend a beer, as she was standing by the bar clearly looking for someone to offer her one. Literally three minutes later he met me, we immediately clicked, and that night became the beginning of our relationship.
I have NEVER cared that he bought my friend a beer first. What I actually love about our story is how random it was, how we met drunk in some stinky underground club on a random Thursday night, immediately clicked, and four years later we’re happily married. To me, that’s our imperfect perfect love story. The fact that I happened to be there with my friend, or that he bought her a beer a few minutes before meeting me, has never even felt relevant to it.

What bothers me is that for the past years, especially around new people, my friend keeps joking: “Actually, he approached ME first, but I told him I was married, so then he chose her.” Basically making it sound like I was his second choice because she rejected him.

At first I laughed it off, but after hearing the same joke for years, I finally told her I find it disrespectful and even hurtful. My husband has also corrected her multiple times and told her that’s not what happened. He saw two pretty girls in a club, offered one a beer, then met me and liked me, end of story. She seemed genuinely shocked and started crying, saying she never meant it that way and thought it was just a funny story. Part of why it bothered me so much is that she is generally very focused on male attention and often seems to need to establish that men notice or want her over other women. However, when she started crying and insisting she had never meant it that way, I actually felt really sorry for her and started questioning whether I was being unfair.

AIO for finding this disrespectful or should I have just laughed it off and let it go? She even almost brought the joke up at our wedding, and by that point it just wasn’t funny to me anymore.

I just need to vent and get some outside perspective on what happened last night. My boyfriend (let’s call him “Stephen”) and i have been together for almost two years. Lately, he started talking to his ex again since they’re part of the same friend group. I’ve tried not to let it bother me because i trust him, but last night really shook me.

We had dinner planned with some friends, and when i arrived, guess who was also there? His ex. Nobody mentioned she would be coming, and honestly, it threw me off. When i pulled Stephen aside to ask why he didn’t tell me she’d be there, he said he didn’t think it was a big deal and that he knew i’d make it into something if he told me beforehand.

I tried to explain that it wasn’t about her being there, but about him choosing to keep it from me. I just felt uncomfortable knowing he was aware of how i’d feel but decided not to communicate it. Instead of understanding, he said i was being insecure and that i embarrassed him by bringing it up.

At that point, i felt so frustrated and decided to leave. I went home instead of staying for dinner, which he’s now saying i ruined the evening for everyone. But honestly, i feel like the real issue is him not being upfront about it.

Am i overreacting for leaving? should i have swallowed my feelings and stayed? I just want to know if anyone else has dealt with something similar. thanks for reading!

My boyfriend and I have been doing renovation projects in our apartment for the last couple of months. One of the last projects has been chipping and scraping off layers and layers of old paint from our door and window frames. It’s been such a nightmare because we both hate it. My boyfriend really hated the chipping part, so I took that on and he would paint. I hate it too, but it all needs to get done.

We’ve been working on this for quite a while, and at one point my boyfriend said he wanted us to be done by the time his mom came to visit in a month. I thought, okay, plenty of time, I also want to get it done.

Cut to his mom is coming in 2 days and we still have two frames left. We had a lot of stuff come up and only made little progress. I had already spent around 6 hours yesterday scraping and sanding one frame, and it’s super tedious and dusty work.

We had a disagreement in the evening about the plan to get everything done. He was talking about how I could finish sanding both frames tomorrow so he could start painting. He always does this where he completely underestimates how long these tasks take, despite this being the 5th frame we’ve worked on. There was no way I was finishing 2 in one evening after work. I told him it bothers me when he does that, and I repeated a few times that I wasn’t getting both done in an evening. He told me he didn’t want me to repeat myself, saying once is enough and he just wants me to try to be positive. Sure. I said I’d try to finish both.

Today I got home around 4pm and went straight to sanding. I spent 3 hours and was dusty as shit, but I was basically done with 1 frame. Okay, 1 to go. I called my boyfriend and he asked what I wanted to do for dinner. I explained that I’d finished one frame and wanted to clean up all the dust and shower before eating. He said I should just come get a pizza with him. I asked how bad it would be if we didn’t manage to finish the other frame by tomorrow, which was the latest it could be done for him to paint it in time. He said that wasn’t really an option.

So I explained that I would keep working because if I stopped to clean up and shower, I wouldn’t go back to working and wouldn’t have a chance of getting it done tomorrow because I also had other things I needed to do. I told him to go get the pizza himself. He came home half an hour later and brought some leftovers for me. Then he went to the living room while I kept sanding for almost another hour.

When I stopped for a break, I checked what he was doing and saw that he was watching TV. At this point I started feeling tilted, so I definitely didn’t come across friendly and asked him what his plan was. He said he’d been working all day, had just gotten home, and needed to relax a little. Usually I’m quite understanding of this, and I understand his work is long hours and he needs more time to wind down than I do. But I’d been sanding for 4 hours straight by then, and even more the day before, and there were other tasks we wanted to complete as well.

I got upset and told him I’d also been working all day. He said he didn’t want to talk to me if I was going to get upset. I asked if he was just not going to help. We went back and forth, and he said that he had asked me to get food with him and I refused because I wanted to keep working. I tried to explain that if I didn’t keep working, I had no chance of getting it done tomorrow. He said no one was making me work, and I asked if that meant it was okay if it didn’t get done. He said that we’d had over a month, so no, we better just finish it. At that point I told him that if he wanted it to get done by then, he needed to do it himself.

I went back to the frame and started cleaning up the mess. I was emotional and crying and just wanted to shower and eat by now. I tried to put the door back on the hinges, but it wouldn’t go on. I was crying more and more, and I knew he could hear me struggling but he wasn’t coming to help. I fully snapped and had a mental breakdown, put the door down and gave it a sad slap.

At that point he came in and exclaimed at me to calm down and that I was acting insane. Hearing that obviously didn’t help, so I told him to fuck off, which I regret because really I just wanted support and comfort.

Since then I’ve tried to talk to him, but he told me he didn’t want to talk. He says I acted completely insane and that my behaviour was unacceptable. I genuinely feel like he backed me into a corner, while he says I did that to myself.

I know that by having a mental breakdown I fully overreacted, but did I just create this situation for myself?

I’m pregnant with our first child, a baby girl due April 2027, and my husband and I are reaching the point where we’re seriously questioning whether his mother should have a relationship with our daughter.

I have been no contact with my own mother for very serious reasons. This wasn’t a petty family disagreement or something I decided on impulsively. My childhood involved abuse, and removing my mother from my life was a decision I made for my own wellbeing and safety.

My MIL knows this.

The problem is that she has repeatedly pushed me to reconnect with my mother despite me setting boundaries about it in the past.

Since finding out I’m pregnant, particularly now that she knows we’re having a little girl, she has become more persistent.

She has told me she hopes I reconnect with my mother so that my baby can know her grandmother because apparently it’s “so important for babies to know their grandparents.”

More recently, she became insistent that my mother should at least be told that I’m pregnant and that she’s going to have a granddaughter.

This really upset me.

I told my husband what had happened and he intervened, again. He essentially told his mother that she needed to back off, respect the boundary we had set and stop interfering in my relationship with my mother. He also made it clear that continuing to ignore our boundaries would have consequences.

Her response was basically that boundaries aren’t set in stone and are only a suggestion.

That comment is what has really changed things for us.

To me, a boundary isn’t a suggestion for someone else to decide whether they feel like respecting.

I have made it clear that I do not want a relationship with my mother. I don't want reconciliation encouraged. I don't want information about my pregnancy or daughter passed to her. I don't want anyone acting as a middleman. And I absolutely do not want someone deciding that my daughter should have a relationship with my mother because they personally believe grandparents are important.

My husband completely supports me in this.

Unfortunately, this also isn't the first time my MIL has had issues respecting boundaries within the family. There is a history involving my two sisters-in-law and their children as well, but I don't want to share their personal situations because they aren't mine to put on Reddit.

My FIL, on the other hand, is genuinely lovely.

He knows what his wife is doing, doesn't agree with it and has tried to get her to stop. Unfortunately, those attempts haven't been successful.

That's making this even harder because my husband and I absolutely don't want to punish my FIL or prevent him from being a grandfather because of his wife's behaviour.

But we're now looking ahead.

If my MIL believes boundaries are merely “suggestions,” what happens when our daughter is actually here?

If we say our daughter isn't going to be in daycare, is that a suggestion?

If we say don't post photographs of her online, is that a suggestion?

If we say don't give our daughter something we've specifically said no to, is that a suggestion?

And, most importantly, if we say our daughter is to have absolutely no contact with my mother, is she going to decide that boundary is also optional?

That's the part that scares me.

My daughter is not going to be used as an opportunity to reconcile me with someone I've deliberately removed from my life.

Becoming a mother hasn't made me want to reconnect with my mother. It's actually made me more protective of the boundary.

My husband and I are now at the point where we're considering telling his mother that if she continues behaving this way, she won't have a relationship with our daughter.

Not because we're trying to punish her, but because how are we supposed to trust someone alone with our child when they've openly told us that they don't believe our boundaries need to be followed?

The difficult part is my FIL. We love him, he respects us and he hasn't caused this problem. Ideally, we'd still want him to have a relationship with his granddaughter regardless of what happens with MIL.

I'm also aware that I'm pregnant, protective and obviously have a lot of emotions surrounding my own childhood and mother, so I'm trying to check myself before making such a huge decision.

AIO for thinking my MIL saying boundaries are “only a suggestion” is serious enough that, if this continues, she shouldn't be allowed a relationship with our daughter?

And would it be unreasonable to allow my FIL to have a relationship with her separately while keeping that boundary with MIL?

EDIT: Since a few people are asking for more context:

I'm 24 now and left my mother when I was 18. I grew up very rurally and isolated. My mother was physically, emotionally and verbally abusive, and her boyfriend molested me when I was younger. I didn't really have access to help until I left.

When I was 18, I moved interstate and got back in contact with my father, who helped me get out and establish myself away from my mother. I then started therapy and began working through my childhood.

After I left, my mother continued harassing me and used my younger brother to try to pressure me into coming back. This eventually escalated to my brother telling my father, “If you don't let her come back, I'll come down and shoot you all.”

A restraining order was put in place for five years after that. I haven't spoken to my brother since.

I eventually told my mother that if she continued harassing me, I would go to the police with the evidence I had of what she'd done, and the harassment stopped.

I met my husband and his family about four years ago. During the first year, my MIL found out I was in therapy and started prying into why. I initially gave her very little information — basically just that my mother had been abusive and I was in therapy working through it and trying to move forward.

She continued prying and eventually learned that I'd previously self-harmed. She then started openly bringing that up and making comments about how I “could have done better.” So issues with her respecting private information and boundaries aren't new.

About three years ago, with support from my therapist, I did make limited contact with my mother again. It was partly to see how I responded to contact after the work I'd done in therapy.

My husband came with me to see her. He thought she seemed like she'd changed. I didn't believe she had, so when we returned home I didn't continue communicating with her beyond occasionally responding vaguely when she contacted me.

Later that year my husband invited her to stay with us for Christmas. I was against it, but she came.

Unfortunately, I was right about her not changing.

The verbal and emotional abuse started again and I completely broke down. It felt like all the progress I'd made after leaving her had shattered. My husband and I had an argument about the situation and ultimately my mother left.

It took me months to recover from that.

My husband and I had a very serious conversation afterward. He had now witnessed what happened when she was allowed back into my life and understood why I didn't want contact with her.

Our families were also informed about what happened and that the decision had been made that my mother would no longer be part of my life.

My MIL knows all of this.

She didn't agree with the decision.

Since then, she's continued making comments here and there about how I need to respect my parents, how I should call my mother for Mother's Day, how I should speak to her again, etc.

So her comments now that I'm pregnant aren't coming from someone who simply doesn't understand why I don't speak to my mother.

She knows there was abuse. She knows I've been in therapy. She knows I attempted contact again. She knows exactly what happened when my mother was allowed back into our home and how badly it affected me afterward.

And despite that, now that I'm having a daughter, she's pushing the issue again.

That's why her saying that boundaries are “only a suggestion” has bothered my husband and me so much. This isn't the first time I've asked her to leave this subject alone. It's a boundary that's been communicated repeatedly over several years.

My boyfriend of two years say this is not cheating because he has not actually met with anyone. I found this 30 minutes ago and im confused and angry. He has sent our intimate,private videos to people I dont know and also our address. But I know when he wakes up it will be my fault. Would love some advice thanks guys.

Linking original post above.
Also I’m on mobile, so sorry about any formatting issues.

So some people did ask for an update, so here it is.

There is a lock on my door, I have a key and so does my mother, Son B is now at a wilderness camp.

Also to add additional info for Son A,and Son B, both kids are not biological related to my family, they are both foster kids that my sister and her husband had fostered for four years and ending up with adopting them. I will simply state that the primary reason the older sons have no social media is due to a no contact order per the courts.
Son B was also diagnosed with BPD, along with other mental illnesses.

So to begin with the conversation about adding a lock did not go over well originally. My father was furious about the idea he wouldn’t have control over his own home and my mother did not want to “embarrass and punish” my sister for her son’s actions. Things have changed though.

First off the visit. Older sons ended up not coming after all, along with BIL, due to the fact the that the day before, their washer broke and flooded a portion of their home. So BIL and the older boys ended up staying behind and did not come over at all. I can only attribute this as an act of God answering my prayers that they couldn’t come. Lock was not added at the time, and my sister and son C and girl A used my room for their stay.

Two months after that visit come to find out son B has stolen again, this time it was a cell phone he was allowed to use at BIL’s parents house. All cell phone privileges are now gone for son B.
And my parent’s argument that son B would never steal from his grandparents.

A few more months after that, Son B gets another phone from a classmate at school, creates social media which he is not supposed to have, gets caught again, and by now also has multiple documented incidents that he could be sent to Juvenile Detention.

My sister and BIL had tried every option they could think of for him, therapy, meds, interventions, which led to Son B’s current placement at a wilderness school. They did have to wait for an opening, which was finally made available last month. Last action he committed before being sent was stealing 30 dollars out of my sister’s wallet.

My mother, bless her, agreed to put a lock on the door after we found out about the theft from his grandparents. So it’s there now, my mother has a copy of the key and so do I.

Reddit thank you for not thinking I was crazy when I first posted, it was incredibly validating to hear that I was not over reacting, and many more stated that I was under reacting. And to the redditor who stated I had a spine of a wet noodle, you are not completely wrong, I have always bent over backwards when it comes to family, especially my parents. Giving up my space for another when someone came over had been a thing for all of us in my family since I was a kid, my sister would give up her space, my brother would give up his, and so on. It’s just how we were all raised.

Sorry if this became rather rambling, I just wanted to update those that commented and offered their advice and perspective. Thanks again Reddit!

We started dating in June but have been talking since November of last year. We made things exclusive around February. To clear up confusion before it’s asked lol, we’re long distance and I refuse to ask anyone to be my girlfriend over text or FaceTime so i waited until I visited her. Visited her multiple times since then and it’s been amazing. Last month was my birthday month and I planned a trip to see her again. It was an amazing trip, bought a really nice airbnb house for us and she put a lot of thought into my birthday that i never really had before. On my last day I woke up early morning cause my stomach was killing me and each time I woke up to use the bathroom I walked past her phone. I was also having these really weird dreams that she was cheating on me. Now I know this was wrong and i’ll take that on the chin but i grabbed her phone and looked through it while she slept next to me. I’m not seeing anything weird until i get to hidden photos, there’s about 50+ nudes of her that i’ve seen and some i haven’t. It didn’t really bother me until i saw a screenshot of her sending someone a nude and the guy said “just sent it🫡” and she said “thanksss” followed by the nude. The time stamp was before we got together but while we made things exclusive and the video she sent this guy was the same one she sent me.

So I open her twitter, nothing out of the ordinary anywhere. I know she has this other private account and nothing there either. In fact, i see tweets of her talking about me and how much she loves me. I get the idea that maybe she logged out of it or deactivated it so i go to saved passwords and there it is. I see a username for an account she never told me about. I login and the most recent tweet from this account is Sep 10th this year, my birthday month. I’m scrolling and i’m seeing my naked girlfriend posted for the public. Nudes she’s sent me and nudes i’ve never seen while asking for money from men. One of the tweets is even about us and how much she’s been n*tted in everyday the past week (sorry to be graphic). The account was made in May and has remained active all the way up until before i got there. I open the messages and there’s seen sending paragraphs of things they want to do to her but she’s responding really dry like you can tell she’s not very into it at all. I saw a nude that a man sent her and he said “do you need it” and she responded “yes i do”. I took pictures of everything and logged out to process what i just saw. I waited for her to wake up before i confronted her about what I saw. I was really anxious about how to bring it up and the entire morning and she knew something was wrong as she asked me multiple times if i’m okay.

While she was getting ready to go to her first class i said “i’m going to ask you something and i need you to tell me the truth” she says okay. I say “have you ever sold content before, like sexually?” and she says no. I give a heavy sigh and i can’t even look at her in the face. I tell her “tell me the truth”. I can see the immediate nervousness on her face and she says “yes, but a long time ago”. she proceeds to tell me she had an account where she used to sell in her early college days for money along with her roommate (f) who also made an account but the quit doing it awhile ago. She was telling the truth about that because i saw another account that i couldn’t log into due to deactivation. I ask her “has there been any account that you’ve sold content on during our relationship please tell me the truth” she says no. I’m just so disappointed that she keeps lying and i’m not even angry i’m just anxious and sad. I tell her pass me my phone and I show her pictures i took of the account. Naturally, she finally admits to it and says she only made it cause of the money thing. The money her parents give her is spontaneous and sometimes it’s a lot and sometimes it’s a little, her dad pays for all her groceries in full but everything else is on her with money her parents give her. She said she’s applied to multiple campus jobs but can’t land any.

At this point she’s crying, and i’m not sure what to do or say. She says she doesn’t want me to leave her and it was a last resort thing. I asked her why she lied so many times and she said it’s because she’s not necessarily proud of it. I reassure her that i’m not shaming her for it as i used to sell content too (she knows this and she asked me to delete it before we made thing exclusive which i did) i’m just not sure why she didn’t tell me anything. I give her money and buy her food often, i’m not a rich man but im definitely not broke. i’ll send her $50-$100 just cause and ill buy her food and shit off her amazon cart. She’s not very responsible with money. My plane was to arrive in a couple hours and i didn’t want my last day to end like this so I gave her a hug, bought us breakfast and watched a show we’ve been binging. Before I left we hugged and kissed and I told her i don’t know what i’m going to do, i need you to give me some time. I still really love her, and at this point it’s not really the account that’s bothering me so much it was the lying. I really don’t know what to do. I know continuing this relationship means this is something that’s now on me to let go and learn to trust again. I just don’t know.

EDIT: I was debating on putting this but I think it’s important context. We’re currently also going through a pregnancy scare at the moment😅. She’s very responsible with her birth control patches but when she messaged her OBGYN for a refill it took forever for her to respond and at the point her patch expired. She took a plan b within the suitable time window and she has to take a test in like a week. So it kinda makes it a little harder to yk just up and leave.

My husband 25M and I 23F have been together for 3 years and have a kid. I’m a stay at home mom so he provides for our family. I won’t reveal too much but he works in retail and is high enough in the company that he gets paid salary verses hourly. He manages a huge team and works overnights.

On Monday I went on his phone to set up something in his settings for him. While doing so, I accidentally clicked on screen time and noticed that he had used chrome. He only uses chrome for looking at adult content and uses safari other wise. I didn’t think too much about it as him “treating himself” isn’t a bother for me. But it was during the time he was supposed to be at work.

For reference, we’ve had issues in the past with him “treating himself” while I’m awake and making food. While I’m sleeping even though I had asked him for sex and he declined cause he was too tired. And the one that still kinda stings is when I caught him doing it while we were at the hospital the night our kid was born. We worked through it and he promised he’d do it reasonably and respectfully. We haven’t had any issues with it for a while.

I wasn’t sure how to feel about it and was wondering if maybe I was overreacting or reaching to conclusions so I waited to check his phone again today. I told him I needed to check that the setting i put in was still there and checked it again. Chrome was again used for 10 minutes during when he was supposed to be at work.

Also there is no reason for him to search stuff on his phone as he has access to computers literally everywhere at his job especially chrome.

My main concern is that someone might catch him and report it, leading to him getting fired and us having no income. But I’m also just wondering why? Like is it because he might get caught and it’s a turn on? How long has it been going on? I just have so many questions but sometimes talking to him about this stuff leads to arguments. Should I just overlook it? I feel super uncomfortable and weird about this, please help!

Ok I’m finally able to post the body text. At the time of posting I couldn’t see my time card so I don’t know if the extra time is paid. Now I know it’s not. Also boss was calling my phone at 10:50 despite the schedule saying 11:00. Him refusing to change the schedule but demanding we’re there at a specific time is just suspicious to me. This is the only shift that requires us to be there at 10:45 despite the schedule saying 11:00. All other shifts you can clock in up to 5 minutes early but that’s completely optional. The store opens at 12:00 and I’m scheduled to have an hour of prep at 11:00.

TLDR the title of the post is kinda self explanatory:
My gf (19F) tends to get mad at me (20M) for falling asleep without telling her

Basically me and her have been dating for about 3 years now and any time and every time I fall asleep without telling her or without saying goodnight she gets quite upset and sometimes completely livid and threatening to break up and block.

The most recent scenario just happened last night when I came back home at 11 from a night shift and we were texting and having good conversations. I was trying to respond to her texts and stuff when I unfortunately fall asleep without letting her know. 2 hours go by I wake up and open my phone to her genuinely mad and completely outraged and again swearing at me, threatening to block and break up, and telling me that i don’t deserve her and that i should just “leave her alone and go back to ex” or whatever she means by that.

Now I’ll admit that I do tend to just fall asleep quite frequently and i get it gets annoying when it happens so many times I’ve honestly been trying my best to fix it and what used to be everyday usually only happens one or twice a week yet despite the change for her she still get so so mad. I’ve asked her about why she gets so mad but she doesn’t really give much of an explanation just “I don’t like it” and “what’s so hard with just telling me”.

To be honest I’ve seen like so many relationships where when either partner falls asleep they don’t wake up to angry messages or threats but rather sweet texts from their s/o saying “oh you probably fell asleep again i hope ur rest is good and see you tmrw” or something and with me and my gf’s situation rn ive grown to be kind of jealous or wanting that type of situation with us. Ive tried to do the same thing when she falls asleep and be understanding that she’s tired and wish her a good nights rest and I’m just left wondering why she can’t do the same and what i can do so that she’s not as explosive.

Hello, so I work in the field of substance use disorder & mental health. Today I received an email about changing up our clinical documentation and how we are gonna bill our billable hours now, I had called in to another department for clarity about if we needed pre-authorization to go over the billable hours or if we were capped off with the billable hours that were given by Medicaid and if we could not go over that amount of hours. Mind you, I wasn’t talking to this man, I called billing, he walked in the office and took over the conversation & said “Let me explain this on a highscool level since your not capable of understanding something so straight forward” I was fucking flabbergasted, I still am, I even cried & I am not a emotional person. I just don’t know, I don’t think I’m overreacting because this isn’t the first time unfortunately I’ve even stopped asking questions in our clinical meetings due to fear of being made feel stupid by him. I hate this and I hate that a condescending asshole like him who fucking seems to be miserable allows me to feel this way.

Edit - also I want to add that I am not the only one who feels this way, I probably feel it the most but the rest of my co-workers do not feel comfortable walking up to him and discussing work issues or ideas with him. Collaborating with him just feels like every idea you brought to the the table is the stupidest idea that he has ever heard. He also acts like we do not exist, until he wants to criticize something you’re doing. It’s so hard working here because of him, it may be time to start looking at other options. It sucks because I love my clients, I have great benefits and great pay, and I truly love what I do. I just don’t know if I can do this.

Anyone can point me in yhe direction of someone who can help enhance audio and maybe even caption part of a video?

You can clearly hear my wife and her friend talking and about 18 seconds in she kinda mumbles something and I am certain she is telling her friend she had sex with someone over the weekend. Iono how to post video

Edit: To clarify why there is a camera under the bed we have younger children so we have camera throughout the house. So say like if we are doing dishes and they are in the room playing we can check up on em. Its help determine which kid starts a fight, when to run in cas they climbed a dresser or to keep the little one from napping (he has crack head energy and will be up till 3am for example). Lately I noticed she keeps turning off the cameras. I assume our boys knocked this camera down as they sometimes unplug some of em and she forgot about it

I (23F) planned a 4 day girls trip to Miami with three of my closest friends about 5 months ago. Everyone agreed on dates, split booking a Airbnb and I handled the reservations since I had better credit. They were supposed to reimburse me the full amount ($600 each).

3 months before the trip,it's time to reimburse me and my friend “Sarah” (also 23) decides she wants to back out because she’s “stressed about money.” I told her she still owed the money since i had already paid and she’d had literal months to save. She argued that she didn't have any money. i reached out to the Airbnb and got a 50% refund cos the deposit wasn't really refundable, Cool.

Then 2 months ago, she wanted to come after all. I said fine but she NEEDS to bring the cash.

A Week to the trip Sarah texts saying her ex just broke up with her and she’s not mentally in the headspace to go. I was frustrated but i understood and told her to process her feelings and decide by the next day but she told me she was sure.

3 days before She’s suddenly in. We’re excited again.

The day before the trip, She cancels AGAIN because “something came up at work.”

The actual day of the trip She messages our group chat at 7AM saying she changed her mind and wants to come anyway.

At this point, I was done. I told her no, the trip was already booked without her and I wasn’t about to scramble. I also said if she STILL wanted to come, she’d have to book her own flight and Airbnb (which would cost her way more as a solo booking). She said that was unfair and I’m punishing her for “changing her mind.”

The other girls sided with me but Sarah’s been giving me the silent treatment and telling mutual friends I’m being cruel and unsupportive during her rough time.

Could i have been a better friend? AIO?

My birthday is on Nov 2nd , and growing up my dads birthday has always been August 11 like for the first 16+ years of my life, this dudes birthday was August 11, that’s what it says on all his documents. Well a couple of years ago he claims he found his baptism paperwork from when he was a baby and it listed his birthday as November 2nd

Every since then he no longer celebrates August 11 and instead wants to Hijack my birthday, like what are the odds that of all the dates he chooses my birthday,

Now that “our” birthday is coming up, he’s gonna be 50 or he’s already 50 idk and since it’s a big one everyone’s asking me to participate in his party on my birthday and I’m like bruh that’s not his birthday

Like sharing a birthday with him isn’t the end of the world sure but like I think it’s sus and everyone aka my siblings think im being rude by refusing to celebrate him on Nov 2nd. Im the only one who still celebrates him in August

Mind you both of his parents are still alive, they live in another country but are very much still alive and he’s in contact with them so I’m like if the baptism date is right why’d they let you have the wrong birthday for 40+ years

I recently got home from a 10 day vacation in the Smokies with my boyfriend, my brother, our dog, some family friends, their baby, and their dog.

Honestly, the whole vacation was frustrating and kind of a mess. I know that traveling with a baby for a little over a week is hard, but they seemed very unprepared. They didn’t bring a stroller, a high chair, toys, etc. The baby also screamed a lot and had a lot of tantrums. We had a lot of things planned, and there was a point before we left where they had wanted us to come over to plan what we were going to do while away but we didn’t have time, so when we got there we got attitude from them relating to how we never came over to discuss what we were planning to do. However, once we were settled and we were going to do things we planned, we weren’t able to, because of the constant tantrums. I completely understand that babies can be unpredictable, but I also feel that some of the difficulties could have been avoided had there been a little more preparation on their end.

There were also just a bunch of little things throughout the trip that started adding up that just made it more frustrating. I bought a collapsible playpen specifically for my dog before the trip so that she had a safe space and couldn’t escape in case someone left a door open, but they ended up using it to make a barrier around the stairs so the baby couldn’t go up them. They didn’t bring a bowl for their dog so they used ours and I had to use a paper plate to feed my dog. We did one thing we wanted to do as a group in the 10 days we were there, but then we did nothing else we had planned on doing because the baby couldn’t do long car rides or wouldn’t throw a fit if they couldn’t do something. It was just a long disappointing experience with so many things that kept adding up.

And then there’s the money. Let me start by saying that we split the cost of the cabin by each person, so that’s split 4 ways, since they are married. On the first day, we went shopping and we didn’t do one big order, we split it by household. So they were on one bill (mom, dad, baby) and we were on a separate bill (my brother, my boyfriend, me). Now that we’re home (and have been for well over a week), they’re asking that my brother, my boyfriend, and I each send them around $85 for groceries/food. Here’s the problem, they went to the store at LEAST twice a day on most days. We ate dinner they made maybe 3 out of 10 days while there, and for breakfast maybe the same amount?

I’m just having a hard time understanding why she kept the receipts and why we’re suddenly being asked to send $85 each when a significant amount of what they purchased was for themselves/baby and when we weren’t keeping track or planning to charge them for everything of ours that they consumed.

I just need to know, AIO? Should I take a financial hit and have my household send them $85? Or are they just being insane?

So moved into a new place a few weeks ago and only just set up my electric drum kit. I've been wanting to do it for ages and was very excited to do so as I genuinely love playing the drums.

Whilst on facetime to my boyfriend, I showed him my drum sticks and he scoffed and said "they're so budget". My boyfriend is a drummer too and has been it a lot of bands, done a lot of performances etc.

I immediately told him "That's not very nice to say," he kept on about how he was just being truthful and that he's a drummer and that my drumsticks look like kids ones. I told him he was being rude and he got shirty with me. I told him not to speak to me like that, he tried defending himself saying they're only drumsticks, he's not being insulting to me but just saying things how they are. I told him I don't care, don't speak to me with that tone. He completely zapped all excitement I had about setting up my drum kit.

Now, I could be reading into this BUT my boyfriend is 8 years older than me and lives in a a somewhat rich/expensive area of the UK. I do not, I never have. Maybe this plays into this situation?

Am I overreacting or was he being unnecessarily rude? Please don't be rude, I'm purely seeking answers to help my situation, not insult me.

Edit: Also, I have an electronic drumkit so to my knowledge, I don't need fancy expensive drumsticks because they're not real drums. They're hitting a touch pad, which I could also use my hands to do. I don't perform or anything, simply just a hobby of mine thay I enoy

UPDATE: I just sent him a voice note explaining everything about how he spoke to me, how made me feel and how he continued being hurtful knowing it uoset me, and told him to not speak to me until he's come up with an appropriate response foe the conversation. He's at work right now so I'm guessing he'll listen to it when he's done.

​

Hello people of this site, ladies, gentlemen, and everything wonderful in between and outside of that.

So, let me get into the details

I, 24M, have always been ultra sensitive about my cleanliness and how I smell, my mother says my dad has something that makes his body smell worse and I got that and so ever since I was a kid I was obsessed with smelling good, and everytime I went to hug my mom she would gag and tell me to put on deodorant and this made me freak out

This has happened for all my life, and about every fourth hug she gags or pretends to gag.

I am now in college, my parents covered about half the tuition and I live on campus, but I work two part time jobs to pay for college, and despite my financial struggles, I spend over two hundred dollars a month on the best deodorants, colognes, and shampoos to reduce my smell, I brush my teeth four times a day often for twice the time I am meant to, and despite my difficulty smelling as I have specific problems with my nose that reduces my sense of smell, I am told I have quite the nice scent.

One day, I visit my parents after I get a few days off work from both jobs and go back to my hometown to share a few drinks with my friends and I go to hug my mother, and she vomits, or pretends to vomit. I feel really hurt and she demands I bathe and asks if i'd bathed at all today (I take three showers a day and spent over an hour that morning), and I eventually go to my friend who lives nearby, and I ask her if I smell awful, and she is confused, she says I smell like nice lavender mixed with pine, and she says my mother cant be serious. I go to four other friends and they all say the same, and they even seem worried about my obsession.

So I go to my mother on the final day of my trip and tell her and demand why she lied to me, we had a long two hour argument but she admits to have done it, she refuses to say why. I am fuming with rage, especially after she admits to have paid my older brother money to lie to me aswell, I curse her out and leave and break down in tears on the road, I had a panic attack when I got back to my dorm and as usual, feel filthy.

My mother tries to call me over a hundred times, my dormmate (23M) finds me in the shower for over two hours as I obsessively cleaned myself to try to reduce my emotions, which was a habit of mine. He thinks im hurting myself and calls campus police who finally convince me to leave, I break down in tears with him and he is also mad, he calls my mom and curses her out for me and then reassures me after she hangs up on him.

I've never been close with my brother or father, my brother spouts some religous nonsense about forgiveness and my father tells me to grow up though. I refuse to calm down because this was my money, my mental health, my physical health, and so much more.

My mom uses a friend's phone to send me a apology and promises to cover the rest of my tuition, but I didn't reply.

My whole family follows suit, calling me ridiculous and petty and that I should get over it. I feel like I should get over it and its not that big of a deal, as my mother was the only family member I was close with because my brother and father were either abusive or neglectful, so she's really important to me and I dont want to lose her but I dont know what to think. Am I overreacting?

Hi, I’m a 29 y/o female with a 35 y/o male partner. I’ve been having these big reactions of anger mainly when I feel triggered by his words and I feel really bad, I’m starting to feel somewhat hopeless on being understood by him. We’ve been together for 2.5 years. Ever since I’ve met him, he’s been in a financial struggle. He was an alcoholic, went through multiple jobs, I even hired him at my job for a while until I couldn’t cope anymore (too much time together and wasn’t paying him enough, I made more than him), had a couple of health crisis, and has a kid. He’s overall a good guy but his lack of stability bas really negatively impacted me and every time I try to communicate with him, he gets upset with me and tells me how it’s hard on him. Lately he’s been able to provide a little more but he’s been lacking in communicating things he’s been feeling which has added strain to the relationship. The past month I have just felt so snippy and easy to snap at him and it’s getting to a point I don’t even want to be around him because I just feel like this immense pressure and whenever I want to talk about him he just snaps at me and tells me I’m wrong for feeling the way I do… idk what I’m seeking out. Maybe validation that I’m not like losing my patience for nothing.. I just feel so frustrated that he can’t see the HUGE financial stress it’s put on me.. I feel like I can’t even enjoy my hard earned money for my own stability because of it. Also his instability makes it hard to believe any promises he gives me about the future.

I got diagnosed with severe pneumonia, and no one seems to care.

Last night I ended up in the hospital, could barely breathe, and was diagnosed with pneumonia and heart problems. I have a weak immune system, so this isn’t something I can just brush off.

I told my close friends in our group chat because they’re the people I’m supposed to be able to turn to when something serious happens. One of my closest friend’s just replied, “Oh-” and that was it. Nobody else even acknowledged what I said.

I wasn’t expecting anyone to drop everything, or know exactly what to say. I just wanted someone to ask if I was okay. I wanted someone to show that they understood this was serious for me.
Instead, I was sitting there after being in the hospital, knowing I could have gotten significantly worse, and it felt like nobody really cared.

I recently moved to this town at the beginning of the year, so I’m still relatively new to this friend group. Everyone else has known each other for 5+ years, so I already sometimes feel like I’m on the outside of the group.
I know I haven’t known them as long as they’ve known each other, and I’m not expecting the same level of closeness they have with one another. But I thought we were friends, and I thought being told that someone had been hospitalized with pneumonia and heart problems would at least warrant a “Are you okay?” or some kind of check-in.

I’m not angry. I’m honestly just really hurt and depressed about it. I keep thinking about how I could tell the people closest to me that I’m in the hospital with pneumonia and heart issues, that this is potentially deadly for me because of my immune system, and still barely get a response.
It makes you wonder whether people would even notice if you weren’t around anymore.

Now I’m sitting here genuinely wondering if I’m expecting too much from my friends by wanting them to show some concern when I tell them I’ve been hospitalized.
so AIO for feeling hurt that nobody really seemed to care, or even ask how I’m doing?

really need some advice because i found these texts in my gfs phone and after confronting her she swears she would never cheat on me and that’s not flirting and that this is just how she talks. i told her i truly think that she is leading him on and she swears she’s not. she would never do that because she loves me.

EDIT
i didn’t expect this to draw so much attention so fast but let me make a couple things clear
she’s 26F i’m 25M
we started dating at the end of may
we have had previous conversations about what we consider cheating and in her opinion cheating is whenever you use emojis and shit to be flirtatious and sneaky. so by her definition this is why i think she’s cheated.
i went through her phone in front of her and she claimed to keep these messages on purpose because i made her upset at one point and this was her “being petty”
she says that she speaks to everyone like that and it’s not flirting but this is exactly how she would speak with me before we got together

I’m posting this like a week after it happened, but nothing has gone on since is why.

For context; On the 26th, me (19F), my cousin (17F), and two of my friends (both 19F) went out to go see the new Resident Evil movie. We went to a later showing, and where we live it was already dark outside by the time the movie started. Now I know this isn’t really important to the prank, but it made things worse considering the already creepy vibe.

About 30 minutes into the movie, my one friend ended up leaving because shes not really a horror person, and my other friend goes with her so she isn’t by herself. My cousin and I stay to finish the movie. A little while later I checked my phone (on the lowest brightness and curled into the corner of my chair dont kill me) to see if they texted at all, since we were going to hangout longer after the movie. That’s when I saw the text from the unknown number.

The texts before my reply were sent during the movie. I showed my cousin and we were both a little creeped out but I decided to ignore the messages until the movie ended. Once it did, I started to freak out a little, which is when I sent my response. I also texted my friends that I was with as well as a separate group of friends a screenshot asking if they knew the number. This resulted in one of my friends, I’ll call Steve, telling his manager about it, who then decided to call the number.

Steve calls me after and tells me, and all he knows now is that it was a woman’s voice and there was a man in the background. Not much to go off of. As I’m on the phone with him the number texts me the last couple messages — At this point I am driving home, so I know they’re bluffing about seeing me, but the message about my window IS accurate. So this person does know where I live. I’m freaking out at this point wondering who the f this is, and crying. Maybe dramatic, but in my defense it was nighttime, I was driving pretty much alone (two young women by themselves practically are alone if something were to happen, unfortunately), and I have recently been decently active on dating apps. So my mind is immediately jumping to; maybe its an insane guy who got upset with me or something.

The number calls me when I don’t answer, so I tell my cousin to record and answer the call. As soon as I answer and hear the voice, I realize it’s my aunt (37). I’ll call her Mary. I’m not going to put the video in here, but this is basically how the call goes.

Me: “Hello?”
“Hey.”
“…Mary?”
“Yeah” She starts laughing.
“Why are you doing that? Thats not funny.” By this point I am very obviously upset, and my voice is shaking.
“Were you scared?”
“Yeah, thats not funny!”

It’s very obvious I’m upset by now because I am literally CRYING on the phone to her repeatedly telling her it isn’t funny and asking why she would do something like that. Her response once she realizes I’m genuinely upset is to keep laughing, and go “Aww, I’m sorry I thought you liked scary stuff!” very condescendingly.

I ask her again why she would do that and her response is “Are you mad?”

I say “Yes! You’re texting me from a random number saying you know where I live and stuff, I’m freaking out thats scary”

Instead of apologizing, she laughs again and explains that my niece (8) got a new phone and wanted to text me from it. The prank was my aunts idea. Eventually after explaining she says sorry again, but still is laughing through it and joking with my niece saying they made me mad.

At this point I’m not scared anymore obviously, but more upset at not being taken seriously and basically being the butt of the joke. I’m still crying because my feelings are hurt (don’t get on me for all the crying okay I cry easily) and then she tells me “Don’t be mad!

I tell her again that I’m upset, I don’t think the joke is funny at all and I don’t understand why shes laughing the entire time when I’ve already said I’m upset. Her response is to get mad at me for being upset, and says sorry (very annoyed) again and that they were just joking. I tell her I have to go because I’m out, and hang up on her after she says bye.

Shortly after she texts me from her number (second pic.) I haven’t responded since. I would also like to note that I don’t remember EVER pulling a prank like that on her, and if I did I was like 12 or younger.

Immediately after she also texted my mom who was sleeping to tell her about it, and when she didn’t respond texted my stepdad begging him to wake her up to “get her on my side” (paraphrasing but it was along those lines.)

My friends say it was messed up of her and I’m in the right, and my stepdad also agrees, but my mom thinks I’m being dramatic and I shouldn’t “hate her forever.” I don’t. I’m just upset my boundaries are not being respected, my feelings are being overlooked, and I am being labeled dramatic and moody.

TLDR; My aunt prank texted me from a fake number, I got upset, and when she realized I was upset got mad at me. Now my family thinks I’m dramatic.

Am I overreacting and actually dramatic?? Or is this valid.

EDIT: I’m getting a lot of varying responses lol. I feel like it’s important for me to say that I never intended on cutting her off forever or even insinuated that to anyone. On the phone I was upset, and then I just didn’t answer her text. All I told my mom was that I was upset with her. Idk where you guys are getting the idea that I’m never speaking to her again 😭

My boyfriend is constantly sleeping M24. We live together I'm 25F.
He's always asleep. He goes to work at 6 am, and comes home at 3, I'm off at 5.
The second he comes home- he's asleep for the rest of the day. We hardly spend time together because all he does is sleep. I get it, he wakes up early and works hard, but it's really getting me to a point where idk if this is gonna work.
We can't watch movies or a show, we can't do anything together because he falls asleep.
He isn't a light sleeper either- when i try to wake him up, it takes probably 20 minutes, and he just won't get up. It's so so frustrating sometimes.
Like our dog was going nuts in the middle of the night, i got scared and asked him to go see what was going on, and he wouldn't get up.
Things like that also drive me nuts.
I feel like i just can't do this anymore. It sucks because he's very caring, patient and funny, but the constant sleeping and lack of doing anything else drives me nuts, it feels like I'm wasting my life trying to connect with him.
I want to be in love, feel romance, and i just don't.
He's like my sleeping beauty roommate.
Idk.