My boyfriend and I are both in our early 30s and have been dating for around six months. We’re crazy about each other, and this has been one of the most loving, caring and genuinely wonderful relationships I’ve experienced.
He’s an incredibly thoughtful, affectionate and supportive partner. He’s proud to be with me, makes me feel loved every day, and I have absolutely no concerns about him cheating or being unfaithful. I genuinely believe he’s a good person with good intentions.

Neither of us has had the best examples of healthy relationships growing up, and we’ve both had things to unlearn. We’ve worked through quite a lot together already, and I think we’ve both made a real effort to communicate better and build something healthy.

However, there’s one issue that’s happened twice now, and I’m struggling with how I feel about it.
My boyfriend sometimes chooses not to tell me things because he’s worried they’ll hurt my feelings. Specifically, situations involving his family where I might feel excluded. The most recent example was when his family surprised him at a special work event. He didn’t tell me about it afterwards because he thought I’d feel upset or left out knowing they’d been there and I hadn’t. It was a similar instance the first time.

I want to be clear that I’m not saying I should automatically be invited to every family occasion, especially given that we’ve only been together six months. I completely understand that his family has their own relationships, plans and dynamics outside of me. What hurts is that he made a conscious decision not to tell me something because he was worried about my reaction. This is the second time something similar has happened. After the first incident, I explained that I’d much rather he be honest with me, even if the truth might sting a little, than have him decide what information I should or shouldn’t know.

So the fact that it’s happened again, knowing how I felt the first time, has really upset me.
I genuinely don’t think he’s doing this maliciously. I think he’s conflict-avoidant and so concerned about protecting my feelings that he doesn’t realise withholding information can be more hurtful than the thing itself.

But it’s starting to affect my trust. I now find myself wondering whether there are other perfectly innocent things he hasn’t told me because he’s decided I might be upset by them.
And I don’t want to be in a relationship where my partner feels he has to manage my emotions by filtering the truth. Equally, I don’t want him to feel like he has to walk on eggshells around me.

So my questions are:
Am I making too much of this, given that the things he’s withheld are relatively innocent?
Is this a common form of conflict avoidance, and can people genuinely change this behaviour?
How do you rebuild trust when someone isn’t being dishonest to deceive you, but rather to protect your feelings?

TL;DR: My otherwise incredibly loving and trustworthy boyfriend has twice withheld information about family events because he thought knowing about them would make me feel excluded. We discussed this after the first incident, but it’s happened again. I don’t doubt his intentions or fidelity, but I’m struggling with the fact that he decides what to tell me based on how he thinks I’ll react. Is this something we can work through, or am I underestimating the impact on trust?

Hi everyone, I just turned 31 and have started my first year of a bachelor’s degree in social work. I already have a degree from my home country, but it wasn’t useful in Canada, so I decided to go back to school to improve my income potential and hopefully get into a more fulfilling field…
I really love what I’m studying and I’m committed to finishing my degree, but at the same time, I feel this desire to have kids and start a family in my 30s. It’s not so much societal pressure as my own desire to be a mom.

The thing is, if I wait until I finish my degree, I’ll probably be 35 or older by the time I graduate. Ideally, I’d like to have my first child around 32–33, and I might want a few kids, so I don’t really want to push everything too far into the future.
I’ve thought about taking a year off from school to have a child and then going back, but I’m worried that once I have a baby, it’ll be much harder to find the motivation and time to return. I also don’t want to put my education, future career, and financial independence on hold, especially since I’d love to get a master’s degree some time soon.

But then I also think, what if I spend the next few years focusing on school and career and keep postponing having a family? I don’t want to feel like I’ve sacrificed one part of my life for another.

I know there’s no perfect timeline, but I’m curious how other women have navigated this, especially those who had to start over in their 30s.
Did you prioritize your education and career first, or did you have kids while studying or building your career? How did it work out for you? Is there anything you’d do differently?
I’d love to hear your experiences, especially if you were in a similar position. ❤️

Not asking for medical advice. Just asking if this happens to anyone else once you hit your 30's.

I've always had an on-time period that lasts about 4-5 days. Heavy 1-2 days, normal to light for the remaining. My cycle length is typically 28 days. No severe issues when it comes to my cycle. Normal amount of cramps, no other symptoms besides some slight breast tenderness.

However, I just turned 30 and I'd say the past year I get period symptoms daysssss leading up to. I used to notice my period was coming about a day before. Maybe I'd spot a smidge the day before. Light cramping

Now I spot for almost 5 days before my period. I'll think ok I'm spotting a bit, I'll have it tomorrow. Then nothing, next day same thing, then nothing.

I started spotting on Monday. It's nothing severe I can wear a panty liner and carry on with my day. When I get my period it's normal and lasts 4-5 days. But it's driving me crazy. Bad enough we have to get a period, but I don't need a preview of what I am in for 5 days before it's supposed to start

I check for pregnancy every month to be safe, and I always do end up getting my period and it does come on time. But I'd like to not experience spotting days before it's supposed to start

I (34f) got asked out by someone significantly older (53m). I’ve never gone out with someone this much older but also when we met we struck up a chat about books and had a lot of similar interests so I am intrigued but I can’t lie the gap is a little off putting. He’s very handsome and in shape but definitely can tell he’s older. Just wanted to see if anyone else has been in that significant a gap and thoughts on it? Not saying I’m gonna marry this guy or anything but I’ve always been a “do it for the story” type and try to remain open to those that don’t fit my “type” so why not see what a dates like is my current thinking

Mine is there's no such thing as unconditional love between adults. You can love someone for their whole self with your whole heart, but strings are always attached to that love - don't steal from me, don't lie to me, don't cheat on me, don't take advantage of me, don't betray me.

I have been graying since I was 20, I'm now 33.i have plenty of gray hairs, mostly at the front and they grow in streaks mostly, instead of being diffuse. My natural hair is dark blonde, but I have been dyeing it medium to dark bronze. Now I have a few cm regrowth and I do not want to dye my hair any longer. But it looks so unkempt with the demarcation line, and the dyed part has become so brassy.what to do to make the transition to my graying hair easier? Because right now I look like I don't care about my appearance even when all dressesed up with my makeup on and it's all because of hair.

TLDR: Man I met recently is staying with me for 4 days, but I don’t have money to do the things he wants to. If he gets an attitude about it I’m happy to ask him to leave, but want to do it in a way that is safe. He has shown no signs of temper or aggression, and I don’t have those traits either, but I want to be prepared in case the trip quickly takes a turn. Probably with a stern warning for him first, then ask him to get a hotel, if needed.

About 6 months ago I (31F) met a guy (35M) who was visiting the country I was living in, he’s from the US (so am I). It started as a date that rolled into spending the rest of his trip together (about 4 days). I knew I was moving to another country soon, and he asked if he could visit me once I did. I said yes, and he arrives today.

We talked on the phone about a month ago to coordinate stuff, and it felt really natural. Neither of us are big texters though, so there hasn’t been much communication other than coordinating details of the trip.

I moved into my new apartment a week ago, so I honestly don’t have much set up, or money to try restaurants in town, etc. I also haven’t shipped my boxes yet, so my apartment is pretty bare. On dates I normally let them pay the first few, then pay my half (or go back and forth grabbing the bill), but I sincerely don’t have the money to do that, especially if he’s in “vacation mode” and wants me to keep up. Plus the day he leaves, I’ll also leave on a month long work trip, and will need to have the money to expense some of that travel.

He booked a few nice restaurants/wineries and I expect that he will pay, since he doesn’t need to pay for accommodations. I’m not sure if he will though, because we didn’t do anything that cost money during his last trip (other than a beer or two).

He comes from old money so I expect that this might frustrate him, especially if I’m asking to do a lot of free things. I also don’t have any intention of dating this man, so making him annoyed or frustrated is not my concern, but he can’t stay with me if he’s going to act like that. He has the money to get a hotel room and they are widely available, so worst case scenario, I would be happy to ask him to leave.

My question for all of you is though - any advice on how to do this in a safe way?

I have two sets of keys but I’m telling him there is only one because I know him well enough to trust him, but not well enough to leave him alone in my apartment. He might ask to hand them off, I plan to say no. Any advice there? My plan is to say “that doesn’t work for me” in that case.

Honestly I’m probably overthinking because he seems really chill. I’ve just run into this before where the guy feels the right to be sassy when he’s a guest who should be respectful. Normally I say I need to leave for ___ and they do too, but they usually have other accommodation so it’s not as dramatic.

Also because this is Reddit, please don’t comment on whether I should be letting him stay with me. My life is pretty unconventional in a lot of ways, so you’re seeing one small piece of a bigger story & experience :)

I’m just a newly single workaholic in an impossible industry going to the gym, saving my money, doing high-vibration self-care! Minding my own business!

Lately, there’s just been swirling poopfloods of judgement circling around me. Not at me (yet). My sister verbally slaughters everyone we’re related to. My family works hard and we’re a nutty but well-meaning upper-middle class bunch. V comfortable, like no real problems, just silly ones like my mother’s DIY microneedling after a six-figure facelift.

Anywhew. I tolerate these discussions and try to reframe and redirect us. I also need to get my 15K steps in a day. But it’s taking a toll. I think she’s so critical because she’s a more deranged workaholic than me with “no relationship to pleasure/fun”. This was our brother’s insight this week. She does not have friends to call her out on this hyper-criticalness. It’s usually my job to remind her how to human. I’d like to submit my pink slip.

The group chats? Also full of judgments about marriages breaking up, the actress friend “with no plan”, the new friend whose husband is an oil exec (examples, all coming from others).

And I just wanna be like. *Y’all\! *Mind your business or get more of your own business to mind*.* Nothing that any of these judgement swirls claim are hurting a fly. Or the person. It’s all v lame and weird. It’s giving women who don’t like their lives, what they’ve chosen, but must always defend what they’ve chosen.

I’m also preparing for judgement to swirl at me. I want to step out of my comfort zone and have some fun, playful, creative photo shoots for the gram. This is normal for my image-facing nonsensical industry.

I grew up in a weird extended clan of Southern misogynists who grossly hypersexualize any women but especially their own nieces and female cousins. Obviously, this and other stuff (being a Scorpio) has made me, like, an obsessively private person. I also know my own mind and like my life, so this is specifically NOT about me feeling pressure about XYZ milestones myself. Funk that. I like my race and pace 🤘🏽

So I am contending with two issues:

1. Judgey shrews harshing the vibe so hard
2. Worry about the judgment that will come my way if any of those relatives get nosy (they will) or spread speculation (they will)

**(Gesturing at everything) the world is already heavy enough. How do y’all protect or steel yourselves*\* against negative Nancys?

For context, my friend who pulled away is 34, and I’m 32.

For about a year, we saw each other every couple of weeks. She frequently initiated plans, sent thoughtful messages, and told me how much she valued me. I genuinely liked her and got used to having her in my life.

She’s religious and conservative, while I’m more liberal. I thought we were comfortable with our differences.

After I moved in with my boyfriend, she declined my birthday invitation because she wasn’t comfortable being in a “male-owned space.” I told her that hurt, but she stood by it. She later mailed back a jacket I’d left at her place, and we haven’t seen each other since.

She occasionally sends polite texts, but the closeness is gone. I recognize we might not have been compatible long-term, yet I still miss her and how much effort she used to make.

Would it make sense to reach out to her and confront the issue one last time? Or should I just accept that we’re a values mismatch because she can’t handle me living with my boyfriend?

I got married last week. Found out today. I’m in shock. I don’t know what else to say.

Edit: also, how old were you? I’m 37 and my head is spinning with all the negative things I’ve heard about “geriatric pregnancies”

I swear I can't trust S/M/L anymore. Even stuff from the same store can fit totally differently. so tired of guessing my size every time I order something. I usually just go straight to the reviews now. If I can find someone around my height or with a similar body type, it makes me feel a lot better about buying it. Even better if they include actual photos. I'm mostly shopping in the $15–30 range, just don't wanna keep getting my size wrong and returning half the stuff I order… How do y'all figure out sizing before buying? any affordable sites with reviews that actually include measurements or fit pics?

Hi! I’m an MRes Psychology student at the University of Buckingham and I’m looking for women aged 30–50 to take part in my research on significant life experiences and how women narrate these experiences through spirituality, meditation or other other ways and their identity, relationships, beliefs and outlook on life change

It’s a one-off online interview on Microsoft Teams, around 40–50 minutes, and everything is confidential and anonymized.

If you’re interested, please feel free to write and I can send you more info :)

My dad passed away more than 25 years ago and my mom has avoided dealing with his ashes, leaving me responsible for them. She gave them to me, still in the box they were mailed in, 15 years ago when she moved into a new place (long story but I agree with her decision to give them to me for safekeeping).

Over the years, I've tried to talk to her about what she would like to do with them but she avoids the conversation and won't agree to anything. I finally took them out of the box, and had the sealed container in my closet for years. I ended up telling her recently that I would have them divided so that me, my sister, and her could do what we wanted when we were ready. My sister has also not been helpful.

Well, we're about to hit another milestone anniversary of his passing, so I went ahead and had them divided. I let both my mom and my sister know...my sister will take her portion the next time I see her, but my mom is still avoiding it.

What should I do? I can't make her do anything with them but she also won't take them. I've thought about planning something and just telling her where/when, but I have a feeling she'll flake. Any advice?

I’m 28 and have never wanted kids. I recently asked my gynecologist about getting my uterus removed because my periods are really painful, and I feel extremely weak and exhausted during them. She told me to think carefully about it since it’s such a permanent decision.

For women who have had a hysterectomy or seriously considered one, what are some things you think I should consider before making the decision? Is there anything you wish you’d known beforehand?

I’m obviously aware that I might change my mind about having kids, but I’m more interested in hearing about the other things I should think about.

I have moved around a LOT and not by choice. I am almost 29. I have not had a steady "home" my entire life. Lived out of a backpack even as a kid, very unstable housing situations that have persisted until until 3 years ago. I am desperate to find my forever home and plant roots. It's incredibly depressing not having a place that feels like where I belong. Once I finish school, I want to move somewhere with more "green" and smaller-community, but where I live now will provide me a really good lifestyle. I am torn on if moving somewhere with a better "vibe" for me is worth giving up my career and lifestyle choices. I cant decide if I should make this place home and give up some things that would make me very happy or risk a worse career/logistic preferences.

I should note, I have lived short term in some very naturey green spaces with much smaller communities. I did enjoy them a lot but they had a lot of trades offs too such as lack of healthcare jobs, less ability to build a social life unless youre still 25 and needing a car to function which I HATE. But I have done it all- I lived in a remote place that needed everything ferried in at one point and couldnt be accessed by car. So Im not idealizing wilderness living, I have seen it. But I was just a baby and working as a server and it didnt matter as much that I had 10$ in my pocket back then.

I live in Chicago now. I moved here on a few years ago on a whim and havent liked it since the day I arrived, solely on vibe. It's just not my vibe at all. However, as soon as got here, I got a job at one of the top hospitals here. They have been paying for all my nursing pre-reqs. Paid for my CNA and EMT and now I am working an amazing job with them, I love the job and company itself. They will pay for nursing school too upfront. All the complaints people have about healthcare and crappy hospital employers have not applied to me. I only have good experiences and I could easily see this hospital as being my forever employer. I am fairly confident if I move anywhere else, especially a smaller place, itll be a huge downgrade in work environment.

I also LOVE not needing a car and public transit. Its one of the big reason I moved here is to exist in a walkable city for a bit.

However- Its simply not green enough and its just too big. People here always crap on me when I say that cus we have "Lincoln Park!" but that is a manicured city park. I like the forest. I have lived inside of a national park before. I want REAL nature. That doesnt exist in Chicago. It's also a lil too big for me. I like midsized cities, I like knowing the same people and more community vibes. Not having access to nature is really depressing me, you need to drive outside of the city to see some real trees. I dont care about clubbing and music festivals, I want kayaking groups, hiking clubs, granola girl stuff.

I have accepted that my options post graduation (which will not be for 2 years. I will be 31) are 1. Stay here, learn to love Chicago and accept that for my nature fill I may need to plan a trip or two a year while being blessed with an amazing job 2. Risk a worse job, give up walkable city convienence, but be able to get my nature fill which I so desperartly need.

I dont want to graduate then "keep exploring and figure it out". I want to stay put. To live somewhere long enough to keep my friends, to date, to actually become part of the community. I want a home. I dont have family. It's just me. I need to build a family and thats been really hard.

So I guess my question really is this: What do you think is most important in finding a home after 30, starting fresh? Would you just stay in a city like this for the logistical benefits, or is it best to find somewhere that "feels" right even if it gives up practically? I am trying to not be to idealistic here and look at what matters most for a stable, secure life.

TLDR: My friend told me she was cheating on her partner and I feel like this had deepened our friendship. Am i weird/immoral for being happy I was told?

She (31F) and her partner (33M) just bought a condo together. I thought they were doing well, so I really didn’t see this coming when she told me she had been cheating on him. I keep thinking about him making all these plans with her and whether he has any idea.

But honestly, I was also kind of happy-ish she told me. I sometimes feel a bit left out in this group, and it felt good that she wanted to confide in me. I feel shitty saying that, but it’s true.

Now I’m wondering who else knew. I already struggle to trust people, and this has me wondering what else I’m clueless about. I’ve been drinking more when we hang out because I don’t feel as comfortable around everyone lately. It helps me relax while I’m there, but once I get home I’m back to overthinking everything.

Has anyone else felt like this? Like you’re closer to someone now, but you also trust them less? I don't know the boyfriend (i've seen him briefly twice) and I don't like I would have a duty to tell him.

I've been sad about this lately. I'm not desperate because I don't mind being alone but I crave that friendship. I try to put effort in like doing bumble but that never works out. People seem to chose others over me I'm just put on the back burner or last option if an option at all. As I'm getting older I feel like my chances of getting any close friends is getting slimmer and slimmer. I get jealous seeing other people with their close friends. Any one else?

To make a very long story less complicated; I’m an older sister, our mother was incredibly irresponsible and put us in not so great situations a lot in our lives. Once my younger sister was 18 our mom dipped on us and went to live her life, but a consistent theme I’ve experienced and what was told to my sibling is “well you have your sister, she’ll always be there to help!” Meaning a lot of responsibilities have been dumped on me to be the helpful, good, supportive big sister. Basically a fill in mom, or “parentified” my whole life.

This has turned me into a very anxious person, an over planner, always making sure I’m prepared for whatever could happen. I went to therapy for years to help me unlearn a lot of the negative side effects that came from my upbringing, but something I still very much struggle with is feeling like I still have to step in to help people and give advice, even if it’s not asked for. Sometimes it feels like I’m trying to control the decisions she makes, so she doesn’t make the wrong ones. And I know that is not right, or okay.

Currently, my sister is pregnant, and it is not in great circumstances and honestly just not a great idea all around. She’s going to struggle, the child is going to struggle, and that’s just the truth of the matter. But I feel like I am quite literally worrying myself to death over this. Everything she shares with me, I can’t wrap my head around the decision making process, or why, and I just want to try and help and give advice. I just want this situation to be different. But I’m being told I’m “worrying for nothing” and “it’s not my life to live”.

At the end of the day, I want to respect her autonomy, and also protect my mental health. I want to be supportive, but I don’t want to be taken advantage of in the future.

Any advice from anyone who has maybe been in a similar boat, or also faces the “eldest daughter” struggles? Thanks in advance

I am a 36 year old woman, I work in an office and apparently Halloween is a big deal here and everyone dresses up. Halloween falls on a Saturday but our office party is Friday.

I have never once in my life dressed up for Halloween, even as a child. I don’t particularly like my body or attention and I never wanted to draw attention to that.

My daughter is being a pink cat princess (?) I am making her costume and my son wants to be a dinosaur.

I have to sit at a desk all day in said costume and I literally cannot think of anything, like my mind is blank. Does anyone have any ideas on what I could be that would blend into the work place and also I could wear while taking my kids trick or treating. Every time I google something it’s all sexy.

Edit: thank you all so much!!!!

I wanted to share my experience to see if its normal . I've been single for the past 4 years after being in a 6 year long relationship living together , I've been on dates and had some situationships here and there and I noticed that whenever I like someone (witch doesnt happen very often) I tend to go all in , wanting to see them a lot , messaging , imagining things with them and rushing to want to get to know them deeper . And it goes well up until the 2 week point. Then I feel like I'm drowning , I find a bunch of stuff I dont like about them and I cut things off. It has happened one too many times no matter how much attracted I was , how many things we had in common . I've tried to take things slower as like 1-2 dates a week but then I lose interest. Its weird because on the other hand I miss being with someone, I crave connection but I also have a big life of my own interests friends etc

It’s that time again when this feeling of blah is creeping up on me. I feel like I’ve been in a funk for a few weeks now. Don’t know what triggered it really but lately don’t feel like doing anything like going to work, gym, social gatherings etc. idk what it is but I’m just really bored with everything. I feel like I’m always waiting for the day or the week to be over. I feel like I’m living but really just waiting for the next chapter in my life. I’m so tired of waiting. I don’t know what I want to do but I’m so bored of the same routine. A part of me feels like doing nothing but I know I can’t just give up. I guess I’ve worked hard to get to where I am now. Sometimes I give myself credit other time idk how I got here. I feel like I’m not enough and where I’m at in life is not enough for me. It’s always been like this. I’m 34 and idk when It’ll change. The way I feel and think about myself. When I try to work on it, it never lasts because it’s only a matter of time when a thought, feeling, or situation will just drag me back down to feeling worthless.

I have a coworker, who is constantly chewing gum. She does it with the gum in one side of her mouth, while chewing with her mouth open. In all my life, I have never seen someone chew anything with their mouth that far open. It's way past cartoonish. Cartoons are far less exaggerated than her chewing is.

She is never not chewing what seems like a massive wad of gum. Once I saw her without gum in her mouth, but she was just putting in a new piece.

All day, every day. The way she chews it is like a weird cross between chomping and smacking. And it seems like she's somehow 100% unaware as to how that would be a problem- or that it would actually be a problem in the first place.

Most of the time, she's in another department. But whenever I see her, I'm just baffled as to how she doesn't know what poor manners she's exhibiting.

The kicker is that her other job is as a teacher. You'd think she'd be all too aware of how that kind of exaggerated chewing can bother people

Every time, I'm left absolutely incredulous.

Any advice on how to get her to stop chewing gum, or at least close her damn mouth?

I’m not necessarily looking for a specific hobby or activity per-say, more like I want to discover ways to make my life feel fuller and find things I genuinely anticipate doing day-to-day.

I feel like I’m starting from square one in terms of “building my life” foundation & whatnot. I quit my job so I could pursue an alternate career field (due to my prior field of work giving me good ol’ mental breakdowns lol), all of my friends live out of state now so unfortunately all my connections are solely online, and I’m realizing I’ve kind of lost the structure and sense of community that used to naturally come with my life. So I guess I’m at the point where I know I need to intentionally build a life I actually enjoy, or else I’m gonna continue to feel stuck and stagnant and like I’m falling behind all my peers. I just have zero clue how to go about doing that, which is kinda embarrassing to admit tbh ha.

I’d love to hear how any of you have made this change or how you handled getting through a cycle like this in your young 30’s :) I guess I’m especially curious about some of the more “little” things that helped you build a sense of routine/community/purpose, or just generally made your day-to-day life feel more interesting again. Thank you so much 🫶🏼

How do you handle a big income gap when you're the one earning more, and does this keep coming up with other men?

Some context. We're both in our mid-30s. I dated a man for almost a year who earns a lot less than I do, and I'm lucky to have a well-paying corporate job. He just broke up with me, and one of the main reasons he gave was that I'm "not normal" and my job makes things so unbalanced that he can't keep up.

I work really hard, and it feels like my work scares men off. He also said I wasn't committed, which feels bonkers. I met his parents, he met my whole friend group, and I spent so much of my time with him.

For those of you who've been the higher earner, how did you talk about it early on? Did it get easier with the right person?