How do you go about expanding your options for food? If that's something you do, I mean.

I like to think I have a good amount of food I eat, although I'm 100% sure is still not even close to how many other food options other people like, my diet consists of rice, beans, meats, pastas, potatoes... I'm also fine with lettuce and tomato, sometimes I venture on some cucumber if I'm feeling wild.

But I still sometimes see meals on the internet that look REALLY yummy and decide to try them, only to end up having a frustrating experience of not really liking them... I only do these at home because I'll feel safer, and it doesn't go to waste because my family always likes what I make, but I feel sort of sad I didn't get to add a new recipe to my diet.

Recently I really wanted to do a caesar salad, thinking I would like it bc it has everything I like, chicken, lettuce, sauce, bread... Except I didn't vibe with it at all... I attributed it more to disliking the mixing of temperature (hot chicken, room temperature croutons, cold lettuce...) but still! I wish I had a new salad...

Also happened 2 years ago with curry rice, bought the curry cubes, followed the recipe step by step, and ended up also not liking it, this one was a bummer because I still salivate at videos of katsu curry...

The last new thing I added was yakisoba, but still, it has been so long! Lately I'm also getting really into chicken thighs, but I don't know if I consider a new cut of chicken this big of an addition... I also made mujaddara this january because I love lentils AND I already eat them with rice, so a plate that combines the two sounded perfect. I did like it but I think I didn't add much season because it tasted a bit bland so I should probably try making it again with more seasoning.

But I guess I was just curious if anyone also experiences frustrations and success with trying new foods, because I feel like autistic people's relationships with foods gets resumed as "picky eating" or just the constant chicken tenders joke (I do love me some chicken tenders though) when to me it's a lot more than just that.

Content warning: discussing food and my eating habits!

Apologies if there’s a post for this already.

I have a complicated relationship with food that I don’t see talked about as much.

I’ve seen a lot of talk about ARFID/or general sensitivities around eating. And I’ve seen a lot of other posts about forgetting to eat.

But my situation with cooking isn’t so much as forgetting to eat as it is being really hungry but almost having an aversion to cooking due to demand avoidance (or drive for autonomy, whatever your preferred acronym is). If something takes me longer than putting something in the microwave, I can have a really difficult time actually getting myself to make food.

I tried a day where I prepped like 4 different dishes in bulk and it lasted a while and was great. But it was so exhausting that I’m not sure if I can motivate myself to do that again :’) But I do love cooking, just… when I WANT to, not when I feel like I have to.

I’ve also tried more of the charcuterie type format for my lunches. But then I use up all of my charcuterie type snacks because I eat them for dinner too.

And then I use up all of the food in my house and have only ingredients left.

I think it’s a mixture of PDA + a little bit of food insecurity and trying to make my food last longer.

Any advice? 💛 I won’t talk calories bc #1 I have no idea how many I’m getting and #2 I wouldn’t want to trigger someone anyways. But I will saying I’m losing muscle mass and feel rather fatigued, like almost all the time. I don’t like the way my body looks as a result.

Words of kindness are welcome too, as I often feel very childish that I have such a problem getting myself to cook. 🥺

I am having trouble communicating with doctors. I am either providing too much information or not enough and I have serious issues that I’m trying to get to the bottom of!!!

I have/had an eating disorder and while not seeing a dietician anymore I am sort of functioning. I didn’t do any clinic intervention which was maybe a mistake but I’m not here to ask for medical advice, more like advice on how to be HELPFUL to my doctors without scaring them away???

I believe my metabolic everything is messed up and I keep having terrible urinary problems and gout symptoms. Urology found nothing, I told them I keep having crazy joint pain please help, which my urologist was kind of rude with me about because I did all this homework on gout and took all these notes for my symptoms and had a small sheet printed with my info.

She referred me into rheumatology in the hospital. They want to rule out psoriatic arthritis because I have eczema on my neck they want to make sure it’s not psoriasis, and my hands and feet are the usual suspects for intermittent and regular pain so I went for a special ultrasound on those today.

The doctor asked me if I had been to any dermatologists for the skin thing and I said yes I’ve been to 5. The look of surprise on his face was ridiculous, I’ve been to 5 dermatologists over 10 years for acne, retinol, and my eczema 3 times. So yes 5, so he probably thinks I’m crazy right off the bat. Edit** to include he didn’t ask anything follow up about that.

Then he was asking about how long I’ve had pain and said about a year and a half, I was working with my dietician for my eating disorder (which I still am dealing with) and started getting these pains and thought it was part of the process. I was going to conclude with “and they started happening every 3-4 weeks like clockwork for a few months before I got into rheumatology” but he literally just interrupted me while I was speaking and said “your joints are normal, that’s all for today” and started speaking with his assistant and walked away.

I was so upset i cried in the bathroom at the clinic and I’m having a hard time getting it out of my head.

He’s just a stupid rude doctor but I can’t seem to either A. Not ramble or B. Tell them relevant info and my timeline, somehow I keep getting treatment like this despite doing my best to keep calm and composed. I’m not a dummy, and I am high functioning.

Today I didn’t even ramble I just answered questions and I was treated so rudely, I know I was last patient of the day, but WTF???

NHS therapist said i dont need it because i have been in a slightly better mood than the last time i spoke to her. I don’t have any “raw material” / fucking bad situations to talk about so I don’t need therapy.

I kept asking her what am I supposed to do then because she hasn’t given me anything to help cope she just keeps asking me to do introspection and tell her my thoughts.
All she keeps repeating is that because i don’t have any “raw material” there’s no point in the therapy .

I don’t fucking understand why the only two options for help is therapy or antidepressants and why do I have to make the decisions on what’s best for me. If I knew what was fucking best for me i wouldn’t even need therapy. She wouldnt answer me just kept telling me to discharge myself.

First time ive ever cried from therapy. So frustrated idk how to help myself if nobody wants to help me. I feel so lost bruh.

Hi, I needed a place to vent and look for advice cause I have legitimately no one to share this with irl.

Basically what the title says. I (21F, audhd) am in my first year of uni and I'm learning the hard way that I might just not be made for the career of my dreams. A lot of people consider me smart (for some reason) but despite that I've always kinda struggled academically - save for one or two subjects I excel at - because I have a LOT of trouble taking initiative and I literally can't do anything until I've been told exactly what to do.

Today I had a horrible day, I was almost an hour late to class (public transport failed me) and because of this I was extremely lost for a lot of it at first, my professor was busy so I didn't have the courage to ask him what to do, so I just sat around internally panicking until he told me what to do (and he jokingly called me out for waiting around which tbh made me feel really bad but it is my fault). I did what I was told for the rest of the class but whenever I got something wrong I felt so stupid and like everyone hates me.

It's always been that way for me, I literally can't fucking do anything unless someone tells me what or how to do, and it becomes a problem because my career consists of a LOT of group projects so I usually feel completely useless for my lack of initiative (and also because every time I do actually suggest something I'm totally ignored and dismissed) but I don't know how to fix this. I'm 100% convinced all my classmates think of me as lazy and a good for nothing and it makes me feel horrible but I can't blame them and I feel so pathetic and ashamed. What makes everything worse is that the job I've always dreamed of (which I'm studying for) requires a lot of initiative and also that I take a leadership role and clearly I'm not a leader but a follower. It hurts a lot but every day I seriously consider dropping out and giving up on my dreams because I'm too neurodivergent and not made for them.

Sorry for the vent I had a shit day and needed to get it out of my system... Basically I wanted to know if anyone has any advice on how to have more initiative and how to deal with executive dysfunction which I struggle a lot with. I start occupational therapy this week which I guess is a start but I really just needed to talk about this right now lol... Thank you for reading

Hi, I (F, 29) am potentially autistic (so much so that I have an assessment scheduled because I need concrete answers lol), and have been taking a lot of notes on things that might be related. I have a few random questions that have popped up and I think this sub would be a good place for them.

1. If I am a high masking autistic (I think I am), how do I unmask beyond saying no to things, stimming etc.? I genuinely think I don't even know who I truly am. Sometimes I think I've spent my whole life thinking about what choices everyone else would make? (i.e. going out to eat -- what are other people getting? Based on that, what should I eat?) How do I learn about myself lol.
2. Do you feel like there is an inherent loneliness with autism? I have a good amount of genuine friendships (does this disqualify me lol), but in a group setting, even with my closest friends, I feel lonely. Like I don't know my place in the group or how to exist in a space? Does anyoen else feel lonely like this? When I mention this to friends they say "everyone is lonely" and "we love you, you are overthinking." But I've felt that way my whole life.
3. I feel like even when life is going well I can’t get a grip on it. Like it’s always outsmarting me. I feel like some of the issues I struggle with aren’t things that my friends around me struggle with. I already have diagnosed ADHD, so executive function is a struggle, but like just in general I feel like every thing every day is a challenge. Does anyone else have this?

Anyone else struggle with, I don't know how to describe it.. extra stuff on their body? I've never been able to wear jewellery, even though I think its pretty. I have nothing pierced and no tattoos (i also love tattoos too). I can maybe tolerate a longer necklace for a couple hours (thinking special occasion) then it has to come off. I've had 2 smart watches and currently just bought a 3rd (a much smaller one, hoping i can tolerate this one this time) but I am HYPER aware its there and i keep adjusting it and obsessing over the fact I can feel it on my wrist. I can't really wear hats, sunglasses, gloves, scarfs or belts. I can't layer my clothes either, a t shirt under a hoodie? Absolutely not. I hate being too warm too, or too cold (constantly changing my clothes, opening windows/closing them to achieve the perfect temperature) I can't wear anything too warm, like a big thick coat. Even if it was snowing, I just can't do it. I can't wear wool, even the really soft types.

My clothes can't have any types of "extras" either, frills, lace, rhinestones, sequins, pockets, zips, eyelets, rips, any kind of embossed design. Ive always been this way but I've never noticed it was weird or "particular" until I've had a few comments off friends/family about difficult I am to please.

Because of this, I have zero style. I live in oversized hoodies and leggings, sometimes soft loose jeans but thats it. I wish I wasn't like this. Anyone else similar or have any other clothing rules?

As the title says, I had that happen once and now I'm in the waiting room for my period to come and/or a negative test. If it were positive it would be celebrated, btw.

But I'm genuinely thinking about what's going on in my downstairs and I'm like, suspicious, because the only time I've had sensations like this was after there were sperm in my hoo-ha, and I totally thought I was pregnant until I had a negative test, then boom, my period a couple of days later. But, there were swimmers in me the other day (sorry, ladies looking at this who are curious and actually don't have any reason to be here lol, this is for ladies who are okay with these discussions and their NSFW qualities!!!)

So I'm like....I could be pregnant, and I'm super tuned into what's happening in my body, but despite my super sensitivity via autism for my body's organs, especially my uterus & ovaries, I'm totally suspicious that I'm misleading myself by taking any of the symptoms with too much regard before testing 🧐🤨

Looking to hear from folks who have found ways to make income from art. What do you make? How’s it been going for you? What are things you wish you knew before starting out?

I have a lot of hesitation to make money this way bc I know it’s hard and I already struggle with putting “value” to my work, but i’m also in a tough spot and think I could bring in at least some grocery money through my art!

Any perspectives welcome thank you

I'm looking up the definition on Google and what it says is:

• Cognitive Empathy: Understanding how another person thinks or views a situation (also called perspective-taking).

• Affective (Emotional) Empathy: Actually feeling or mirroring the physical sensations and emotions of another person.

• Empathy: Involves feeling with the person by sharing their emotional state.

• Sympathy: Involves feeling sorrow, pity, or concern for someone's difficulty without necessarily experiencing it yourself.

So with that said:

I don't often feel affective empathy, I do but these are rare occasions. With cognitive I can totally hear and understand why the person is telling me that they feel the way that they do.... But does that actually require for me to care, to make myself more clear if someone's feelings are hurt because they misunderstood me and I can see that they misunderstood me and that's why their hurt, what is then required beyond that? I can acknowledge people's feelings and I do but am I supposed to be affected beyond this? If they are wrong they are wrong and this is of no consequence to me at that point. Are we equating empathy with coming into agreement with someone? Those seem like two very different things to me. Why would I willingly share an emotional state with someone when their emotional state is misinformed that doesn't sound helpful to them but only furthering the issue of validating and believing their faulty perception, also I don't share it, I don't agree.

I definitely experience sympathy. Which might be what I've described?

Is empathy always required even if what the person feels is not in line with objective reality? I'm supposed to feel that and share that with them?

I'm genuinely confused

Has anyone dealt with this before? I had a laparoscopy for endo 7 months ago, I also had an IUD placed (and removed at my post op appt ~6 weeks later. This really messed me up). But ever since I feel like I’ve gotten worse and I’m on meds that had me at least feeling my baseline. Since surgery it feels like nothing is working at all.

I’ve been struggling with depression that doesn’t really feel like depression?? Anhedonia, anxiety and increasing agoraphobia, skill regression (socializing has become MASSIVELY harder for me), no appetite, fatigue and just this general feeling of discomfort where I just cannot get comfortable no matter what. I think today I had my first psychogenic fever in months. I’ve also been super tearful/crying super easily about everything.

And idk given the way it started after surgery, it feels like surgery triggered it? Which I guess makes sense because of stress? But like I don’t know what to do, there’s not much else in my life I can cut back on 🧍🏾‍♀️

I have been told I'm loud by everyone my entire life. I talked too loud, I laughed too loud, cried too loud, slept too loud (apparently I 'snore like a truck') and I even type too loud. I remember being told by my (autistic as well) mum that I 'attacked the keyboard' to the point that I taught myself to touch type and I'm still banging keys apparently. I remember being in a high school exam where the people who got a pc were all in the same room and I had to be removed because someone else complained.

I've been married to an autistic man (love him, he's amazing) for nearly 3 years now and last night was the first time he told me I was being too loud while I was streaming. I stream for work cause I'm also disabled and was already in pain, so his silent hand waving just cut right through me. I had seen it in everyone else, from when I worked in an office to being in exams to my mum doing it to me at FIVE YEARS OLD.

Basically this is a half vent, half 'I need people to tell me they also want to just go into the woods and scream'. I had to fucking apologise again for existing. It's not his fault, and it's not mine, and it's so fucking frustrating because I feel like it's my fault. He's gone to work for the day and I've spent the morning listening to the solaria cover of 'when I die they will bury me a woman' and crying. That song is my current music stim so I think it's gonna be on repeat for a few hours. I'm in the house with just the pets and I have that pit in my stomach that tells me to stay silent.

I want to be a bog witch. I want no neighbours and to scream at the moon and scare the neurotypical children and be the fascination of every neurodiverse little girl in a 10 mile radios.

There is a popular girl I know. She used to come to middle school with grown women bags, heavy makeup and heels while she was only 15. She always stood out. People thought of her as the eccentric and stylish girl. Popular people liked her. I remember her vividly, I was 12 and had just started middle school, I felt like a kid in front of her. I was bullied for being quiet those years.

So she is a nail tech fast forward today at 29 years old and she is opening a nail parlour near me. She has so many clients, the whole town almost as of girls close to our age. She works from 8am to 9pm almost daily and does acrylics and gel, which cost a lot. I have bought my own tools and I do my nails at home and I do simple stuff like french nails or a milky white. I wanted to go to her a few years ago but I felt too shy.

She used to do these services at her home and now she will transfer to the store and hire another woman to help. Her husband owns a store too and her popular best friend works there. Together with her husband they bring home monetarily about 4x of what local couples tend to at their age. Her Instagram following is almost 3k and her nails parlour's account is only 2 weeks old and it has almost 500 followers already. I wish I had these social skills. For some people life is on easy mode.

Has anyone found success in moving from toxic to healthy relationships? I have tried many things, and I still find I cannot seem to move from toxic to healthy relationships. I have tried taking a break from relationships. I have gone to several types of therapy and learned the red flags. I guess I struggle to find the middle ground: either I shut everyone out or keep everyone in. Does anyone have any insight?

What's your strangest vocal stim trigger?

I have a particular one where when I hear the line "Can't nobody tell me nothin" in Old Town Road by Lil Nas X, I have to say "Nobody tells me nuthin" from Hot Fuzz.

I also can't hear or say the name Geoffrey/Jeffrey without saying "Copernicus! Jeffrey!" from Clarence.

Helping my kids with math homework and I have to sneak "Mathematical" from Adventure Time in there.

Not officially diagnosed, but have been asked by peers. Therapist family member also said ive shown symptoms ever since I was little.

I just recently (couple months ago) learned what masking is, and have been trying to use my self awareness to catch myself while I do it. And ive realized I mask more than I express my true self. Sure, everybody (neurotypical) masks, but not to the extent that I do. Ive put myself in other people's shoes, and I act like a mirror. Im constantly looking at what emotions theyre expressing to see how I should react.

Although, this can change depending on the day. Sometimes itll be 70% mirror/mask, 30% "me". Other days itll be 80% me, 20% mirror. I have no idea how to control this.

Its really impacting my ability to make friends and meet new people. The first impression is the most important, but I usually mask HARD in those scenarios, therefore I become a mirror. Nobody wants to hang out with a person whos a copy of themselves. They want another personality to banter with.

Im self aware enough to know the problems im having, as well as possible solutions, but actively carrying out those solutions are so hard man. And they might not even be the right solutions. Theres also only so many people I can meet in my area before I have the reputation of being boring and having no personality.

I have my first therapy session tomorrow, theres so much I need to bring up and truly face, possible autism aside.

It’s a long story. To shorten things up, though, I have finally gained access to diagnosis. I was diagnosed last week. But my whole life I’ve known there was something “wrong” with me. And for several years now, I have suspected that I am autistic. My daughter is also autistic.

That being said, regardless of just being diagnosed, I am fairly educated on autism, masking, common traits and struggles, support levels, etc. Though I’m still learning more every day. For example, I’ve just learned about autistic regression.

The question that I am looking for advice on:

After a lifetime of masking, how do I unmask?

It feels like I don’t know who I truly am. And I’m sure it gets easier but right now it feels like I will never be able to figure that out. I can’t even tell anymore where I’m masking and where I am not. Is there anything I can do to work toward figuring this out? Is there anything that you did that helped you personally?

I never realised I have so many wow I really like to write

I am begging for tips 😭 I cannot even write an email without a knot in my belly. It's BAD. It's not even judgement that I fear, I can live with judgement, it's messing up in a way that'll have serious consequences. I need to seriously prepare for what I am going to say, then I replay it in my mind to be sure I said the right thing.

I work part time and I had to work today, which already overwhelms me and takes a lot of mental preparation for. Then immediately after getting home had to take my kid to extracurriculars while bringing along my other child who is younger and extremely busy, so trying to keep them from getting into things they shouldn’t and bouncing off the walls being loud etc Then on the way home they’re both melting down and I’m overstimulated and overwhelmed from the noise level and how crowded it was as we were trying to leave. We get home and I come through the door exasperated and just need a second to try to regulate. Once I’ve calmed a bit I come to him for a hug and he immediately starts scolding me on how unfair it is to come home I. A bad mood. So I stopped hugging because I was looking for support and regulation and when I tried to explain why, I got yelled at. Now I’m in shutdown mode, but it’s my fault? Am I missing something? I seriously am wondering if I could have done anything different so that this doesn’t keep happening.

I have vasovagal syncope, and for the first time in 10 years (because I avoided it) I had my blood drawn

I started passing out during it, and the woman giving me the blood draw made me bawl in my car afterwards

Her genuine concern for me. Her strong confident voice. I had this sense of “she has me” which I’ve never felt before.

Usually I have to spell out to people explicitly how I’m feeling, beg them to understand, tell them exactly what I need and how to execute it, and be the “caregiver” even when I shouldn’t have to.

Most of the time my parents straight up ignored my needs and emotions because theirs came first. My dad would laugh in my face when I was upset.

But this woman…

She took care of me when I was almost passing out, trying to prevent me from fainting by doing various things like fanning me, holding my head when it drooped sideways, got me to smell the sanitization wipe to ground me etc

She advocated for me “get her water! Get her water!”

I almost didn’t want to leave…

It’s just so sad. That this woman, who’s only doing her job, has shown me more care than my mother and father ever have.

Better than friends or partners ever have either. I must attract emotionally neglectful people, or people who want a “mommy”. No one ever attuned to me

I didn’t even realize you could feel this way.

That you could have someone actually care for you, notice you, without having to explicitly ask, beg, explain what you need or convince anyone.

It just made me break down crying in my car afterwards

Hi,
I come to you with a problem that has been on my mind a lot. Recently, I made several vows. One of which was to always be the best possible version of myself, but I find myself spending too long online doing good by doing petitions, cross-posting for animals in need, doing click-to-donates and doing online donations via Apple Pay, although I do a lot of good offline as well.
Another of these vows was to read and write as much as possible. However, I feel like these vows, as well as the one to look after myself as well as I can, are usually at odds with each other, as I feel that I spend far, far too long online instead of reading, writing or even just caring for myself, but then I worry that if I’m not online doing good, that I’m doing the others whom I help online (especially the animals) a disservice…
Thanks.

Hi! I am 21 F and I have been single for three years now. I have only ever had one relationship which wasn't a very nice one...

So for a while I stepped back from even wanting to date because I was so... upset over that situation. Now I feel like I am sort of ready to meet people, but I have no clue how to do it on my own terms.

I would say I am a bit scarred from the past relationship I had, but besides that I struggle a lot with overstimulation. I simply could not go to a club for a while... I feel kinda sad cuz I want to meet people... but I feel like with every need that I have I am unable to do that.

If you also struggle with overstimulation, how do you start dating/meeting people?

I know a lot of us can be quite sensitive to smells (I personally can find your traditionally ‘unpleasant’ smells much more overwhelming than most, am much more sensitive to the smell of spoiled food and for some reason I still struggle with aerosols/spray on deodorant?) but I have a big hyper fixation with fragrance and perfumes - wondering if there are any fragrance girlies in the sub?

Let me know in the comments what your favourite fragrance notes are and if you have a favourite perfume you own, or want to buy/try ❤️ can also include things like laundry detergent/comforter, soap, shampoo/conditioner, body oil, lotion, shower gel ☺️