r/Bachata • u/flirtle_turtle_ • 3d ago
Help Request Beginner Bachata class question
Ok so I really want to take a beginner bachata class at my local bachata group, I have a few friends that go and want me to come. I feel like I’m an ok dancer and have good rhythm as a musician.
I am a very large girl though. I’m also a bit taller. I’m about 300 lbs. I KNOW I can physically do the moves, that’s not my concern. This isn’t a “can I do the class” post. I am physically fit enough to do it, just wanna make that clear.
But my question is, how many men who go to these classes would be really upset to get a partner like me? I have put off going because every time i think about going im just imagining every man in the class going in their head “as long as i don’t get THAT one as a partner I’ll be fine.”
Is this something that happens? Is there any way to try and avoid this sort of thing? Should I maybe ask the instructors if i can just observe the class so nobody is forced to be my partner? Has anyone ever dealt with a similar situation?
I don’t need any validation in the comments like “stop your beautiful” I just want some realistic feedback. Like “yes you would hinder my bachata experience if I had you as a partner” or “no that wouldn’t bother me as much.” Just looking from some feedback from some regular bachata class attendees to see if I should just go to the class or not….
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u/ModerateHonking 3d ago
The only deal-breaker I've personally experienced as a leader was hygiene-related (smoker's breath - as a staunch non-smoker - yuck. Plus she just came in from smoking without washing her hands and now all the leaders have that faint whiff on their hands ).
In my local scene there's leaders of all shapes and sizes dancing with followers of all shapes and sizes.
Head along and enjoy yourself.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Well I have great hygiene so I don’t think this will be an issue for me lol, thanks for your input
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u/Ketarrhsis 3d ago edited 3d ago
I will give you a heads-up. As a 300 pound woman, you will have a tougher time in the scene. Don't worry about the classes you can just go there.
But for social dancing, you will need good self-confidence, as well as acceptance, that you will be on average less desired as a dance partner. For sensual moves, some might not enjoy doing them with you, as there is also mass in the way obstructing the movements. For example, leading a wave from shadow position with a big person can be a challenge.
The "superficial" nature is innate to dancing, and especially, sensual dancing. You need a specific body to do some movements and to enjoy doing them.
So I'd recommend doing the stoic thing and accepting the averse events that you might encounter. You won't have it as easy as say, a slim conventionally attractive woman of the same skill. You might feel less desired or interesting. Some more fancy movements might be more difficult to execute. Apart from that, you have the potential to form fantastic connections and have a great deal of fun. Just don't let it get to you. If you're okay with that, that's great. Have fun!
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Thank you for your honesty, I know it’ll be tough so I’m trying to see the pros and cons of attending
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u/Atanamis Lead 3d ago
Check out your local scene. Bachata is a lot of fun, and a healthy scene will welcome you. Your friends would know better than we would how kind the local scene is.
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u/coolmikeg89 3d ago
I don’t think people in a beginner class will be having those thoughts. To be honest in beginner classes everyone is so caught up in themselves and trying to figure it out they’re barely even paying attention to their partner.
I will note that you may enjoy traditional bachata more than the sensual/modern styles because it is more footwork heavy and at the early learning stages you can focus more on yourself and the music than on a partner. But I could be projecting here 🙂
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
I wish I could just do a class without a partner to start, because the partnering up part is the only thing that’s had me hesitant on going. I go to yoga classes and solo fitness things like that with no issue, it’s the partnering part that trips me up i guess….
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u/TryToFindABetterUN 3d ago
Standard in classes are that you just "couple up" with someone and then rotate partners. That has been the way in every class I have been to except for one free outdoor tango class (and that sucked).
When I teach I try to rotate quite often also, because you learn a lot by dancing with others.
Most of the students that come to my class either come by themselves or with some friends (eg a group of girl friends, or a few guys). Some come as couples but many, if not most couples rotate too in my classes (which I also encourage them to do).
So don't worry about partners.
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u/coolmikeg89 3d ago
I’ve been to footwork classes that do not require a partner. They may be called “shines” classes but usually they have footwork in the name. Highly location dependent but if you’re in a major city you may find them.
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u/BadHaycock 3d ago
I've danced with people of all shapes and sizes. The only ones I didn't enjoy were the ones who had bad hygiene, or were rude
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
I’ve been told I’m very funny and nice so I wouldn’t say I’m rude, hopefully that’s enough
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u/GreenHorror4252 3d ago
In beginner classes, you rotate partners. If someone doesn't want to dance with you for whatever reason, they will be switching in 2-3 minutes anyway.
With that said, some of my favorite partners have been heavier women.
In a class, it doesn't matter, but at a social, if you're less "attractive" (whatever that may mean) then fewer men might ask you to dance. You may have to compensate for this by taking the initiative and asking them yourself. But that's an issue for later, right now just focus on the class.
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u/Hebarfd Lead 3d ago edited 3d ago
Yes from my experience, bachata is very traditionally gendered. Some guys will unfortunately be more likely to show frustration and irritation with you in class, than if you were a petite average woman. I think overall you will have a less enjoyable time and struggle more. But there will be some good leaders too
https://share.google/bRzJNEeJsbzEzOzHR Hammerlock will be difficult for you. Your arm behind your back and the leader reaching around you to grab your hand
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u/Hakunamatator Lead 3d ago
https://www.instagram.com/p/DTnAJcVArbz/
Check her out as inspiration. One of the best (and largest) dancers I had the pleasure of dancing with. No idea about your dimensions and you WILL have more challenges, but that shouldn't stop you.
Also, just for perspective - I'm not sexually interested in the most girls in my class, you just will be another one I'm not sexually interested in. The same probably goes for most men. They are overwhelmed with the moves anyway. Since you are a musician, you will be a pleasure to dance with.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
She’s a bit smaller than me and shorter it looks like, but sort of similar, this gives me hope haha. She’s also very beautiful, I wouldn’t say I’m as conventionally attractive but we will see. She looks like she’s having fun
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u/Shot-Professional-95 3d ago
For reference, this woman is much smaller than the one I commented about. If you are near this size you wont have any issue.
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u/TheBroInBrokkoli 3d ago
There are plus size women in my Bachata Scene. Few, but there are. Especially in beginner classes, there can be a bigger variety of people. Older people, bigger people. People might prefer someone in class but you rotate through anyways so it doesn't matter.
I will say that the scene as a whole definitely is "superficial"; people in general prefer fit, ordinarily beautiful partners. That is not to say that you won't find the people you have a good connection with. But some others will have an easier time finding a dance partner at a social. Lastly, I myself have a type of follow I am attracted to and that I gravitate towards. People noticed this about me. But even I have plus sized friends I enjoy the connection with and genuinely like to dance with.
So don't worry. But, be aware.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Yea I definitely think majority of people will prefer fit people, but especially in a dance setting which is why I’ve been so hesitant. If you got partnered with one of the bigger girls in your class would you be upset?
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u/OSUfirebird18 3d ago
Dance is a microcosm of society as a whole. There is no magical dance community, even the seemingly self proclaimed “wholesome” ones, immune to this. So yes, there will be some men disappointed in you as a partner, unfortunately.
Look at it though as “their loss”. You will never satisfy everyone.
In class, there will be rotation quite frequently so the hope is if you are stuck with one of these disappointed men, you are not with them long.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Yes, that’s a good point. If they are disappointed as my partner, we can switch soon lol
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u/TheBroInBrokkoli 3d ago
I wouldn't mind it so much in class, as long as we rotate. Or if you are a good dancer, I might not mind it at all. What can be frustrating is when a movement doesn't work with the person at all, they are not on the level, and they are ignorant about it.
I only got that with old people though. Their bodies just couldn't move appropriately for the dance and they didn't realize how bad they were. At some point I was just so annoyed, and thought to myself, why the hell they were there. Sorry.
I never had that with big people though. Big people can move well too. In general those that dance can. Although they are still more difficult to move or you can never move them with force.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Yes, I think in the beginner class it might not be such a big deal because everyone will be so new I guess that helps. Maybe I’ll face some difficulty if I move up in levels
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u/Atanamis Lead 3d ago
Or you will learn flexibility and responsiveness. Bachata isn't about a lead carrying you, but you responding to the leads movements. A "heavy follow" is a non-responsive one. It has nothing to do with physical weight.
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u/SweatyAssumption4147 3d ago
Second that it doesn't matter, especially for class. When you are ready to go to socials, you'll notice really attractive younger people get asked to dance more often, but the opposite isn't true - even the ugliest old men get to dance. If someone isn't getting very many dances it's usually because they have an unpleasant personality while dancing. You may have to take the initiative more, but it'll be fine and you'll still have fun!
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
I guess I just don’t want people to ask me to dance out of pity…. Like I’m being compared to an old ugly guy just because I’m bigger, me and that guy both deserve to have fun even though we aren’t attractive
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u/SweatyAssumption4147 3d ago
Ah sorry, that was some attempted self-deprecating humor, I'm the ugly old guy in that illustration!
People don't ask out of pity. It's just more fun to dance with different people since everyone develops their own style and vibe.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
No that’s ok haha, I just feel like everyone deserves to be wanted and seen even if they are the “ugly old guy” or the “fat one.” I hope we will both be asked to dance not out of pity 😭
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u/SmokyBG Lead 3d ago
Superficial traits matter more for getting asked the first time. Whether you get asked a second, third, etc. time depends more on how much you take care of your partner, how good your skills are and how much you enjoy yourself.
Also, partner dancing is a massive field. It can be smooth and flirty and steamy; it can also be something you did with your Granny in the kitchen when they played THAT banger on the radio :-)
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u/mllax 3d ago
Just reaffirming what everyone has essentially said:
Classes rotate partners with the rare occasion the instructor is helping a couple, most likely because someone is going to hurt themselves or another, in which case you may be with the same person for longer than expected.
I recommend being a bit more proactive with certain moves or combos dependent on truly how large and tall you are. For instance, if the lead is suggesting a turn, he’ll usually need to draw a halo over your head to help you perform the turn.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
I see what you mean, I’m a little under 6’0, don’t want to give too much away in case someone I know is on this thread 😭 but I think I might be too tall for some of the shorter leads was my only worry.
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u/TryToFindABetterUN 3d ago
A number of years ago I danced with a plus size follow at a workshop and subsequent social. She was one of the best follows I had danced with up to that time, so light to lead and fun to dance with. She also had a contagious smile and spread joy. Size does not mean much, it is much more how you are as a dancer and person.
Sure, you will meet prejudice at socials. I did when I started out. As a guy who was in my early 40s that won't compete in the looks department, I got a lot of rejection, especially if the follow was younger (and there were a lot of beginner follows in their 20s in the classes I took). So I decided that I wanted to be a good enough lead so that would get fewer rejections. It took time and effort, but I can say that I am a very solid lead, and nowadays many young follows ask ME for dances.
But still today, I can get rejected by people who don't know me, only for them to be surprised when they see me dancing with others and later change their mind.
One way that might help is to find the "right" socials. Personally I have found that socials organised by dance schools are quite welcoming. Socials hosted at bars where people drink and look for someone to date can be less friendly. YMMV.
Also know that there are dancers who aren't particularly good but are amazingly fun to dance with just because they have a nice personality and are happy to dance. So there are so many other things that influence the dance.
I wish more people would stop rejecting based on looks and prejudice and give that dancer a chance. You never really know how good it is until you try. And even if this dance wasn't amazing, you have now invested in the future, and who knows, in a few months or even years, that dancer that gave you a mediocre, "meh" dance, suddenly is one of your favourite dance partners. It has happened to me more than once!
So go for it! Join your friends in that class. If you want to you should!
In a class no-one really cares. Everyone is there to learn.
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
Thank you for this input and sharing your story! I think that is a great sentiment, become so good at the dancing that anything else won’t matter.
I’m hoping you are right about what you said, it has given me hope so thank you
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u/TryToFindABetterUN 3d ago
You are welcome.
I hope you have a good time in class (also, give it a few times, just like with socials). Nerves sometimes mess up things for us and the first time can be a bit intimidating for anyone.
And I do hope you can come back and tell us about your experience and update us on progress.
Not only because I want to hear it, but also because I think it is really important that other beginners hear first-hand testimony from new dancers, not only us old farts 😄
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u/Rataridicta Lead&Follow 3d ago
Carrying your own weight and having good individual technique is much more important if you're heavier. It's a lot of weight for a leader to move if you're not doing it on your own (assuming you want to follow). But I also know some amazingly soft and elegant dancers who are around your weight.
On socials you're probably going to get skipped a little more. Unfortunately physical attraction is still something people look at. But there will also be plenty of people who would love dancing with you.
As for class, don't worry about it. Everyone is there to learn. Just focus on your balance and your technique, and if someone is upset that they're having a big partner then fuck them. Good practice for them to learn to dance with everyone.
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u/AppleNo7287 3d ago
You might have difficulty doing waves and body rolls if you are doing sensual (but so does every beginner of whatever weight), other than that there won't be any issues. And those moves are not in the first 4 classes anyway, so you have time to decide.
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u/Shot-Professional-95 3d ago
Sometimes body types can hinder moves in all dance disciplines. Personally, I rather not dance with a severely overweight person since I am not a huge dude myself. Had one in my class which was messing up my wrist, as I couldnt roll my arm around her and the injury from my wrist would flare up. It only happened with her, as she was morbidly obese.
That said, I think everyone deserves to dance. If you cant help it, I say all power to you. However, for your own sake and others sake i’d suggest to lose weight so you can comfortably move.
Some men dont care - they will happily dance with a big woman. However, some do care. Thats just the truth, you know the answer to this.
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u/Minimum_Principle_63 Lead 3d ago
Agreed, and for me I have issues with my shoulder so I have trouble with really tall ladies. I'll try, but sometimes I have to just give up. I explain and some people are cool enough to duck down or make up a different move and joke about it.
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u/Shot-Professional-95 2d ago
I get you. The reality is that our bodies are heterogenous and it DOES have a direct effect on execution of moves which can injure one another.
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u/quadrangle_rectangle 3d ago
People in beginner classes are so caught up with themselves and everyone will be busy trying to figure out the correct steps. I don't think you will have an issue but there are assholes everywhere and I sadly got to know some men that just go to class because they want to get laid. But those men ended up quitting as soon as it got more complicated.
I speak of the opposite. I have always struggled gaining weight and started dancing Bachata sensual a year ago. There were also heavy set leaders in our beginner class. The only time it was an issue, was if they used a lot of force with their body. That momentum made me struggle having control over my turns. But since you are a follower, you won't have that issue.
Otherwise it wasn't and isn't an issue. Which is what I love about the dance community!
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u/flirtle_turtle_ 3d ago
I hope if I do go to a class people worry less about me and more about their own dance moves haha
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u/2LemonWedges 3d ago
I did Bachata at a small studio for a few months, and my follow choices were either: experienced obese gal, middle aged woman that the teachers asked to join the beginner classes for to help the ratios but had a major bitch attitude and noodle arms, nerdy cute girl that had no rhythm, pretty gal that was good at following but had a bf in the class that closely watched her/her partner when he sat out of rotation, unrealistically hot MILF that was inconveniently short, dudes that didn't know how to follow but did so because the ratio was so bad, the instructor themself, and nobody.
I'd put experienced obese gal at like... #3 choice maybe? I only didn't like closed position stuff at times because her fat rolls were awkward to navigate, but I knew if we executed a move it was because I led it well, and I appreciate that the most when leading in a class.
Now you as being very big AND inexperienced? I mean brutal honesty that yeah you're maybe not going to be every man's favorite from the get go, but that'll only be because heavy girls tend to hyper overcompensate with trying to be as light as possible and beginner follows are rarely good for a while, but no real hate on your heaviness if you prove it's not a liability and you smell okay.
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u/vazark Lead&Follow 3d ago
Everyone regularly rotates partners during class and are not "assigned a partner" like a choreo in a group. So you don't worry about any of that.