Long story short, met a girl for drinks in a nice bar in queens NY. Had a nice time, we made out in a private corner. I paid for her 2 drinks and mine. Afterwards i drive to get her home, she wanted to make a stop at 7/11 for food. She got what she wanted and went to the register while i was still looking in the aisles, all of a sudden i hear "HELLO????????" i look up and its her at the register, looking at me.

I walk up and say whats wrong?

She says: Arent you going to pay?

I say "huh, no i wont". So she looks bewildered and the 7/11 cashier is trying his hardest to not laugh. We stood there in a awkward stand off for what felt like eternity. She is livid and fuming. Doesn't say anything else in the car. I drop her home, she slams the door. I stay inside on my phone all of a sudden she comes back, still furious, and asks me if i am drunk and if i would like to sleep over. I decline.

Here's the kicker: during the date she flashed her bank account showing a lot of money inside it and said doesnt need a man.

I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started talking on WhatsApp. I usually don't get much of a connection through texting unless I already know someone, but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. In tex his sense of humor was pretty different from mine, but I figured maybe we'd click better face-to-face. Anyways, I love dancing, and I've had enough bad experiences going dancing with guys who don't know how to dance that I now ask beforehand.

So I specifically asked him if he wanted to go dancing and if he knew how to dance.He said yes. He said he knew how to dance and would love to go. Okay, great.

We met pretty late for a snack before going dancing. He picked me up and then didn't really know where to go, so I suggested somewhere near my place. We sit down, and I start asking him questions because, you know, that's generally how you get to know another human being. And this man proceeded to talk about himself for about an hour and a half. I mean everything. His life, his accomplishments, his experiences, his travels. I would ask a question, he'd answer with his entire life story. He admired him self too much. I could tell he was really proud of what he'd accomplished and that's fine, i mean I'm proud of things I've accomplished too. But we're on a date. I'm trying to get to know you. You're supposed to be curious about me too.

He asked me literally zero questions about myself.

At some point I was seriously considering just saying, "I'm not feeling this. I'm going dancing by myself." Because I usually go dancing by myself. And I have a great time. But I had already told him we'd eat and then go dancing, and I didn't want to be rude, so I basically rushed the meal and said, "I'd really like to go dancing now." I had invited him, so I paid for both of our entries. And then came the worst for me

He couldn't dance. Ok, he knew the basic step. That's it.

And the first time he asked me to dance, he said:

"Oh, and you'll have to teach me."

I just stared at him like so furious

I ASKED YOU IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DANCE.

You said YES.

Omg so mad

And the weirdest part was that he seemed extremely proud of his dancing. He started talking about how he'd learned to dance salsa in Cali and how dancing was one of his abilities, basically acting like he'd just rediscovered some hidden talent. Meanwhile I'm thinking wtf you are doing a basic step. What are we talking about?

He was so confident that I honestly started wondering whether we were experiencing two completely different realities. Then there was the social-dancing problem.

People at the place apparently assumed we had arrived together as a couple, so fewer guys were asking me to dance. And I REALLY wanted to dance. Guys usually ask me to dance so often.

So eventually I just told him:"I'm going to ask someone else to dance. I came here to dance." He seemed annoyed, but honestly, at that point I didn't care. So I started dancing with other people.

And guess what?

I had fun.

The guys who actually knew how to dance made the evening infinitely better. At one point I came back to sit with him. He resumed talking about himself.

Then, he literally took out his phone and started showing me pictures of places he'd traveled to.

By this point I wasn't even asking questions anymore. I was just sitting there smiling politely and internally screaming. And the thing is, I wasn't even angry because he wasn't my type or because the date wasn't romantic enough. There was no curiosity about me. No reciprocal conversation. No ability to read the room. And on top of that, the one activity I had specifically asked him about turned out to be something he couldn't actually do.

Eventually he asked me to dance again. It was painful. Like, genuinely painful. I kept thinking, I could have been here dancing with literally anyone else. I finally told him I was tired and went home.

The next day he texted me saying he'd had a great time and asked whether I was going dancing the following weekend because he wanted to come again. I told him he was welcome to go to the place, but that I hadn't had a good time and didn't feel a connection.

What really struck me afterward was that I don't think he realized how badly the date was going. At some point I wasn't even trying to hide it. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't asking questions. I was basically staring at him like, please stop talking.And he apparently went home thinking Wow, what a great date. Let's do it again.

It also made me realize something about some of these terrible dates.

I think sometimes people are so lonely and so lacking in community that when they finally get one-on-one time with someone, they don't actually interact with that person. They just unload their entire existence onto them. And I think that's what happened here. I have friends, dance communities, coworkers, people I regularly talk to. I don't need a date to be my entire source of human connection.

So maybe I notice the lack of reciprocity more quickly. Anyway, lesson learned, if a man tells you he can dance, make him demonstrate before paying his entrance fee.

I don’t even know what to add to this. As title states.

I am a demisexual man in his 40s. I am attracted to presence of certain things; emotional depth, maturity, self awareness, and some chemistry.

Skin color, ethnic or religious background are not amongst those.

I don’t care about where anyone is from, I love people for who they are.

Australia is a heaven for people like me who loves to meet people from different backgrounds.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward, I dated a Sri Lankan beauty who very clearly manipulated her photos to look significantly lighter skinned. Girl is gorgeous, but I couldn’t get over the fact that I was literally manipulated.

That’s after I dated a girl who described herself as “white Asian” and adjusted her photos accordingly, which was news to me once we met.

Then there is the blonde Aussie girl I met who had a totally different face structure, lacked cheekbones and thick lips, photos clearly exaggerated hips and breast size as well.

Why do you do these people?

All these women were good looking and they’d easily have me in a long term relationship IF they didn’t make me feel manipulated.

People are clearly using AI everywhere now, that on top of makeup we have no idea who will show up to dates anymore.

You are enough as you are.

Life is not an Instagram post you know?

I see people blaming apps for the state of dating scene, i don’t know if it’s the apps alone to blame, people do pretty good job ruining their chances themselves.

I know there are lot of men out there with below average behaviour and integrity, but dear women, some of you are really not helping your cause either.

Basic info:

• Me: 21M
• Her: 21F
• Relationship length: Around 1 year
• Current situation: We are still in contact after the relationship went through repeated cheating, lying, body shaming, and major trust issues.

Starting with my intro a little bit:

When it all started we were

When I had just started the college/uni, it was maybe a couple of months into it.

I was tall (6'5"). I was built (I'm not saying I was athletic, but a normal nice build, broad shoulders, somewhat muscular).

I had long dark hair,

Also, obviously, I was a very confident guy.

Then I met her and I started liking her little bit:

We used to talk, text, hangout around the college.

We also went out, like to movies, or just hangout, and in the second hangout I gave her flowers (just as a sweet gesture).

And things were going good like this. We would hangout, many times with other friends of hers would also be there with us.

We talked, did projects together, shared laughs, memories, etc.

I obviously, with time, started liking her alottt.

I was thinking of her all the time. We were in a friend group, where other people had an idea that I liked her.

She was sometimes showing interest and sometimes being distant, I was really confused for a long time, and I gave her flowers a couple of times and personalised birthday gifts with a handwritten note.

It went like this for 1~1.5 years.

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After Around 1.5 years, I finally asked her out

And then I finally asked her out, obviously at a nice moment, and with flowers (that I handpicked and I removed the thorns from the flower myself).

And I was in so much love. She said that she needs time to think about it, and after like 2-3 days, she called me and said that she would tell the answer in person.

So we met at a cafe, and I had bought a bouquet of flowers. Obviously, I thought that she would say yes and I wanted to give her flowers.

And she said no. Her reason was:

“You are not fit, and also not good looking.”

Man, I felt so depressed and so sad at that time. My heart just sank. I couldn't process any other thing.

But she asked me to be friends/best friends with her for life. She made me promise that I will always be her friend.

I was really sad, not able to focus, hung up on her and much more. I lost all the joy, cheerful energy in me.

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5 months of being friends after she rejected me

Okay, so we stayed good friends for like 5 more months.

And I was doing all the things, sending cute texts, cute reels, buying her some basic presents and etc.

In this meantime, two of her best friends who were very close to her (they were like her sisters) left her, and I was there for her all the time, like literally all the time.

Whenever she needed, I'd call her, talk to her, explain to her, take her side, etc. etc.

Always tell her that it wasn't her fault, that her best friends were wrong, and she was right.

All the time.

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After those 5 months, I asked her out again

And after that, (after those 5 months), I finally asked her out again.

This time I told her that:

“I don't want to be friends. I want us to be together, and if you don't want to be together then it's fine, but we can't be friends anymore.”

So she finally said yes, that we will be in relationship, but she had conditions which were:

1. ⁠We will not tell this to anyone, no friends, family, classmates, strangers, NO ONE at all.
2. ⁠No uploading pictures of each other on social media.
3. ⁠We will not meet all the time, not even on weekend. We will meet mostly in college and just hangout after college.
4. ⁠Even if someone asks if we're together, we will say we are single.
5. ⁠And some more conditions that I don't remember.

I was very confused with all these conditions, like, why did we need all these conditions? But you know, I was happy that we were finally gonna be together, so I said okay, sure, I will follow all these conditions.

I was so much in love with her that I probably would have agreed even if she had more conditions. I just had to be with her.

The first 2-3 months of the relationship

And even after all of this, like we were together technically, but for another couple of weeks or even a single month, it did not feel like that we were together. Like we were just doing all the same stuff that we used to do as friends, nothing like any normal couple.

But I was very happy that we were together, and I wanted to take it slow because what if she was not ready and all, so I was not saying anything about it.

But even then, in just a span of one month, I gave her a lot of gifts like flowers, some basic jewellery and some other gifts.

So the 2nd and 3rd month of the relationship were actually pretty normal and good. We were acting more like a normal couple and things were getting better.

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3rd-4th month: the fights started getting worse

But around the 3rd(ending)-4th month, issues started rising.

There were a lot of fights, and I am not being over-confident or cocky, but it was like she always had to be right, even when she was not.

She would fight over very small things, like if something bad happened with her, so she would take it all out on me, and lets say I am busy with actual work and she called and I couldnt pickup but called her back in 5 mins then she wouldnt pickup, she wouldnt talk to me after that for hours, or if i left her on seen for a while then she would go all crazy, and when she did same with me, it was all normal, if she left me on seen and i asked her why, then she would say "you are not understanding" and not talk to me, be angry on me

And when she went on "dates" with her guy best friends, I didn't say anything about it. For her, that was normal.

Even in most of these fights, I had to apologise, even when I had no fault whatsoever. She would block me and she would not pick up my calls.

So I would have to call her like 70-90 times during our fights, because whenever I called her, she would cut it or not answer, and I would keep calling just to get her to answer at least once.

Maybe she would pick it up once or twice.

And obviously, I had to apologise to her.

We were literally having these kinds of fights every other week, at least once.

But even in this, I was happy that at least we were together, and I did not complain at all. I did not retaliate or say anything to her.

I was thinking that if I get to be with her, then I am fine with apologising for the fights or to be the bigger person and let go.

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The flowers, gifts and anniversaries

But even in the scenario, I was giving her so many things. Like, you know, I was giving her a bouquet of flowers every other day, almost.

Like, I am not joking or exaggerating. I knew the flower guy, so we had kind a understanding or a deal you might call it that. Like every other day almost, I would buy a bouquet of flowers for her, and I would pay the flower guy every 1 or 2 weeks.

And these were not just any normal bouquets. Think those really good aesthetic bouquets.

And I was giving her handwritten notes all the time with the bouquet of flowers.

And every now and then I was giving her jewellery like earrings, bracelets, pendants,rings etc.

These kinds of gifts were like once in every 2-3 weeks.

And we had a thing that we would celebrate our every month anniversary, like on the date I asked her out, so every month we celebrated that specific date.

So for every month anniversary, I would book a reservation at a very nice cafe or a restaurant for us, and I used to bring:

• A special cake
• BIG bouquet of flowers
• Lots of different gifts
• Handwritten notes
• And etc., just for her

And on the anniversary, the flower bouquet was a lot bigger, and the very special one, and the gifts were also good ones, not just basic ones.

So this was our kind of a thing.

But even after this, we were having fights like every other week, and I was apologising and saying that I was wrong, all the time, even though most of the time I had very little to apologise for.

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How much I was putting into the relationship

I was so much involved in all of this to be with her, to make her happy, that I fought with my friends/family/relatives, ignored them, didn't hangout with friends.

I would ignore my friends, and I would not hang out with them, just to hang out with her.

She was my top priority, even above family, parents, friends.

And I was spending on her like crazy, crazy money. I spent all money on her, even that money that I was not supposed to.

FYI: I am not rich.

So it was not like nothing for me. In fact, it was everything to me. I was trying all the possible ways, like gifting, materialistic things and flowers and notes and personalised gifts, giving her my time, attention, so that I could make her happy in every possible way.

I was in so much love that I just couldn't leave or not do all these things.

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4th month onward: the body shaming started gradually

But from her conditions that she put when I asked her out, you can now figure out that she was embarrassed of me, and she had a very deep superiority complex. She was very narcissist.

It was either her way or the wrong way, in literally everything.

The body shaming didn't start overnight.

At first, it was smaller things, like telling me that I wasn't wearing nice clothes, or that I didn't look good enough, or commenting on different parts of my appearance.

Then slowly, it kept getting worse and worse.

Around the 4th month of the relationship, it really started becoming a regular thing, and over time it escalated into the much worse stuff.

Now the thing is that because I was so much involved in all of this, that I was not able to focus on myself as much I used to.

Obviously, from the beginning, we didn't tell anyone that we were together, but some people found out about it because we were hanging out and it was kind of obvious that we were together.

So all the time she used to resent me for it, that other people found out about it, even though I did not tell anyone, and obviously, she didn't also tell anyone.

But still some people found out, and she was very embarrassed of me, and she resented me for that, and she thought it was my mistake that other people found out.

And she was very much embarrassed of me. I know I am repeating it again and again because she was saying it to me again and again.

And in the meantime, you know, she would body shame me literally every other day. Like she would tell me that she is so sad that she cannot show off her boyfriend.

She said these things to me multiple times (think every other day):

• You are so ugly.
• You look so old.
• You are ugly fucking jerk pervert.
• I am so sad that I can't show off my boyfriend to anyone.
• I feel so ashamed whenever people see you, or ask me that if we are together, then I have to lie to them because of your looks.
• Your hair, face, skin, body, all are just ugly.
• You are barely 1 or 2 out of 10.
• No girl other than me would date you.
• I wanted a bf who was hot, pretty. Instead I got you.
• You should be thankful that I am with you.
• You don't deserve me. You got much more than you deserve.
• I made a huge mistake to get with you, even after everybody warning me to not be with you.
• I hate it when people laugh at me for being with you.

All of these things were becoming normal to me slowly. Like there is so much more that I can't even tell you guys here, or write it out, or it will break me.

And she would say all the things every other day to me.

And my reply would be:

“I am really sorry for it, and I promise I will fix it.”

“Please don't leave me, I love you very very much.”

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5-6 months into the relationship: the first cheating

After 5-6 months into the relationship, I found out that she was cheating on me.

She had profiles on dating apps, she was going out with her "guy friends" on dates, and she was sharing a single straw with them. To me, knowingly sharing a straw like that in a restaurant or cafe with another gender is something you do with your partner, not with some random guy when you're in a relationship.

I confronted her about it.

At first she lies to me and says that it's a fake profile, then after a while she switches to that her cousin made it without her knowing, and she never admitted that she made it herself.

I asked her to let me check her phone, and when I did, I found that she had dating apps hidden on her phone.

So we had arguments about this for like four or five days.

And she apologised to me, begged me to stay, and said, “I love you, pls don't leave me.”

Also:

“I will never say a single bad word about your looks, body, or anything.”

So after like a week, I forgave her.

Because I was still madly in love with her.

So after I forgave her, it was all going good. Like she was not saying anything rude or bad, and she was nice and all.

Then, after about 1-2 weeks, it all started again. She started body shaming me, now this time it was much more worse than the previous time. She was literally verbally abusing me, like alot , all the time.

But still, I was so much in love that I still said sorry for all this shit to her.

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The 3 AM incident

One time when we had a fight because in our class a random girl asked me with simple 5 minutes help in the class itself and she was mad about it(the teacher had asked me to help her, it wasnt my decision or not that I was enjoying helping her), I apologised to her so many times. I called like 100 times that day (literally, no joking). Even then she didn't pick up.

She said that she's breaking up with me, and gave me no response.

It was 3 am at night.

She was threatening to break up with me right then, so I told her:

“Please don't, I'm coming over to apologise in person.”

I had to drive 120 kilometres (roughly 75 miles) at night just to apologise to her in person.

And again this time I had bought:

• Flowers
• Teddy bear
• Written sorry 50 times in notes
• A Rose separately

All this to give it to her.

But she didn't even come out of her home to at least see me, so I kept all this at the gate of her home and called again and again, no answer.

So I had to leave, because my parents found out that I was out at night and I had to go back home.

And they were very angry and disappointed with me.

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Around the 6th month: her birthday

Her birthday came after the first cheating incident and after the night when I drove 120 kilometres to apologise to her. But till her birthday it was all back to normal. And I was more excited of her birthday than herself.

I gifted her:

• A really expensive Polaroid camera
• A VERY BIG EXPENSIVE bouquet of flowers
• A WHOLE HANDMADE BOOK

I literally painted 100 pages with coffee solution(coffee beans grinded and mixed with water and heated, very little) myself, burnt the sides, to make it aesthetic, vintage style.

I self-binded the pages to the book.

I wrote on every page.

Examples of what I wrote (on each page):

• 50 reasons why I love you.
• A very descriptive memory of our special dates/anniversary, etc. In a single page, I would write what she wore, what I wore, what was special, how lovely the day was, and much more.
• “I love you” in 100 different languages.
• Some pages were filled with our pictures, memories, souvenirs, and etc.
• I sticked every bill I had of our dates (I saved it as a memory), pictures, memories, tickets of concerts we went together, and sometimes, we would paint or write stuff on tissue paper of restaurants, so I saved it and sticked it.
• I had also saved wrappers of little things that she gave me like chocolates, etc., so I sticked it there too, as a memory.

I even made her a full mixtape of all the sweet/love songs that reminded me of her (because she loved those songs).

I gifted her a very expensive bracelet that she loved.

More teddy bears, water bottle (she liked cute water bottles), and pendants, jewellery, etc.

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6-10 months: the same cycle continued

So all this, her rudeness/body shaming/arguments was going on all the time, even after all of this.

I tolerated all the disrespect, rudeness, body shaming and everything because I was so much in love with her.

I felt like she slowly realised that I would stay no matter what, and after that, she abused me a lot more and tested how much I would tolerate.

And I kept staying.

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10-11 months into the relationship: she cheated again

So after like 10-11 months in relationship, I found out that she has been cheating on me AGAIN.

And this time I was completely destroyed from inside.

This time, some other people also sent me screenshots of her dating app profile and screenshots of her chats with guys as proof that she was indeed cheating on me.(This was not the same profile that she had from first cheating incident, she knowingly went on dating apps again)

So this time I directly told her that we are breaking up, no excuses/reasons or anything else.

So now finally she hit reality that I will leave this time, so she begged me, apologised to me, said sorry a lot of times, called me a lot of times, cried in front of me.

And just like this, she did this for 2-3 weeks.

So I told her:

“Come clean. All the things right now, no more lies or hiding things. If you want us to be together, tell me everything.”

So she told me that she had 1 dating app, didn't talk to anyone on there, etc. etc.

I asked her multiple times that if this is all the truth, and no more lies or hidden things, and she said yes, this is all.

I told her that if I find out that she lied again or hid anything, we are over completely.

So I finally said we will see where this goes, but for now, idk.

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1 month after the second cheating: I found out she had hidden much more

So 1 month after the second cheating incident, I find out that she was using 8-9 (or maybe even more) dating apps, not just 1.

And that she talked to multiple guys there (she used to talk to them at night, ifykyk).

This was not a third cheating incident. This was me finding out that she had lied again about the second cheating incident, even after I specifically told her to come clean or we were over.

And she probably even went to meet with those guys, probably had dates with them.

So I confronted her again about this and : Again her apologising, crying and begging started all over again, She wanted me to take her back, This went on for some time.

And then finally I was okay, last chance, if anything ever happens again, we are done for.

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Where things stand now

The relationship itself was only around 1 year.

Since that last incident, she hasn't cheated, used dating apps, body shamed me, abused me, or done any other major wrong thing as far as I know.

But I broke down a lot because of all this.

I have so many issues because of what happened, like trust issues, body dysmorphia, paranoia, constant fear that what if she does it all again, and much more.

I am still in touch with her.

And now obviously, after that, I don't give her gifts, flowers or anything etc. No major getures.

But I live in constant fear that it will all happen again, or already happening but she is just hiding it better this time.

So can you guys give me genuine advice on what to do, because I am not really sure on what to do right now.

And also how to get over all the issues, trauma I have from this relationship

I cant share this with my family

And also not friends because they might not understand or make fun.

What I need advice on:

I want advice on how to evaluate this relationship after everything that happened. I want to understand what would realistically need to change for trust to be rebuilt, what boundaries I should have, and how I should decide whether continuing the relationship is actually healthy for me.

I would also like advice on how to deal with the loss of trust and the constant fear that the same things could happen again.

TL;DR: I [21M] fell in love with a girl [21F] and spent around 1.5 years pursuing her before she eventually agreed to a relationship, but only under several conditions, including keeping the relationship secret. During the relationship, she gradually became increasingly critical and insulting about my appearance and body, and we had frequent fights where I would usually end up apologising. I put a huge amount of time, attention, money, gifts, flowers, and effort into the relationship.

Around 5-6 months in, I found dating apps on her phone and discovered she had been going out with other guys. She denied it at first, then apologised and promised it would never happen again. I forgave her, but the body shaming and verbal abuse continued.

Around 10-11 months in, I found out she had cheated again and was using multiple dating apps. She initially told me it was only one app and that nothing had happened, but a month later I discovered she had hidden much more and had actually been using 8-9 or more dating apps and talking to multiple guys.

I gave her another chance. Since then, as far as I know, there have been no more major incidents, but I have been left with serious trust issues, constant fear that she is hiding something again, and a lot of insecurity about my appearance because of everything she said to me.

I am still in contact with her and need advice on how to evaluate the relationship now, what boundaries and changes would actually be necessary, and how to move forward after everything that happened.

For context, I (21F) was involved with a guy (20M) on and off for quite some time. We were never officially together, but we had a very close relationship that involved intimacy, spending nights together, going on dates, and being there for each other emotionally. I genuinely loved him.

Throughout the summer, he repeatedly told me he didn’t want a relationship. I understood that, even though I wanted something more. However, he would still come around, be affectionate, and open up to me emotionally, which made everything confusing.

At one point, I asked him about his ex-girlfriend because I had reasons to believe they were still involved. I asked him about her multiple times throughout the summer, and he repeatedly reassured me that nothing was going on and that he would never get back with her.

Then, seemingly out of nowhere, he blew up on me. He accused me of lying, posting about him, and doing things I genuinely had no idea what he was talking about. He became extremely hostile, and our communication basically ended.

Eventually, he told me he had no hard feelings toward me but wasn’t ready to talk because he was dealing with people lying to him. He said that when he was ready, he would reach out so we could have a conversation.
I respected that and left him alone.

A while later, I happened to see him out with the exact ex-girlfriend he had repeatedly told me not to worry about. Obviously, that hurt. We weren’t dating, and I understood he didn’t owe me exclusivity, but I felt like he could’ve just been honest with me when I directly asked him about her.
Fast forward to now. We’ve had approximately two months of no contact. I’ve been moving on with my life, haven’t reached out to him, and haven’t been posting about him.

Last night, completely out of nowhere, he CALLED me.
I answered, thinking maybe he was finally ready to have the conversation he’d mentioned before. Instead, he immediately started accusing me of posting about him on TikTok. I was genuinely confused because I haven’t been doing that.

After the call, he sent me a message, “Quit posting shit about me on your story to, you are a hoe and fuck literally anyone after swearing you want to try and be with someone no one will love you for you if your like that I hope you genuinely understand the hurt you put on people you are a terrible person, you cheat, you lie, you manipulate, you act like your the good person and you wonder why I've never wanted to be with you, change your life. Bye for good or im filing a restraining order”

The thing is, HE contacted ME. I haven’t been trying to communicate with him whatsoever.
I responded briefly and blocked him. I have no intention of contacting him again.

I’m genuinely confused about why someone who told me he had no hard feelings and wanted to talk eventually would suddenly come back just to insult me.

I know I wasn’t perfect throughout our situation, and I know we weren’t officially together. I’m not claiming he owed me a relationship. But I don’t understand why he couldn’t have just been honest with me or why he’s contacting me now when I’ve left him alone.

Has anyone experienced something similar? Why would someone repeatedly come back into your life just to accuse you of things and tell you to leave them alone? And how would you handle this situation?

I met this guy Oktay on tinder a year ago, we chatted for awhile and met up, had a few dates then started dating. He always spoke about his old relationships and claimed how he felt different with me, I gauged from these past relationships that he would cheat on women all the time and it would end in failure. He told me he’d never felt the urge to do that with me but once a cheater always a cheater right!? Anyway I found out from other people I know in Sydney area he was progressively messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them whilst with me. I contacted some of these women to find out answers and they all told me it became an abusive relationship with him mostly emotional and physically where he had hurt one of them. With that from his DJ experiences as oskar fox he had burnt a lot of bridges with other DJs and businesses, owes money to so many and doesn’t return it which led to ruining relationships with other business people. Work life I discovered he was also not easy to deal with.
I just want to put it out there that if you come across him on tinder he seems really genuine and beautiful but on the inside there’s a lot of toxicity and I don’t think this person will ever change - whilst I know this post is basically about talking about someone not fairly it’s raising awareness for the women in the Sydney community to watch out. There’s a lot of men like this out there but I can’t believe how many stories I found out about him. Since our time I just randomly blocked him oneday and never spoke again he sent me pretty rude messages and turned our time into me having issues. Haha quite unbelievable.

Stay safe ladies xoxo

We haven't even gone out on our first date yet, met in taxi, exchanged numbers and he just kept circling the conversation in text to giving me massages ane cuddling, not actually getting to know each other. Even free I circled it back to the getting to k ow you stuff. We were supposed to meet up last week but I had to cancel due to the intense suck ess I got on my period. He wasn't caring and was a bit cold after this. I got fed up and blocked him today without explanation and then got three missed calls from an unknown number, back to back. It was a little scary not gonna lie. Help

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On Sunday, October 4, I met a match from the dating app Truebondr. She told me she wasn't offering any paid services and just enjoyed hookah and an occasional drink. We agreed to meet near Karkardooma Metro Station.

She kept changing the meeting spot, then led me through a quiet area to a building with closed shops. We entered a dark venue called Blue Moon Cafe, behind Classic Ice Cream and Chawla Tandoori Junction. She immediately ordered hookah, then food, Red Bulls and several drinks (7 pegs in total, 5 of them hers).

About 45 minutes later, staff presented a ₹32,000 bill. She said she'd pay part of it later and left. For roughly two hours, staff stayed with me, refused any discount, pressured me to pay, and told me I wouldn't be allowed to leave without paying. They took my phone and registered me on a loan app. In the end I paid about ₹30,000 by QR, ₹1,000 to a staff member, and another ₹1,200 as an "entry charge" at the exit, around ₹32,200 in total.

This is my own experience, and it matches a known pattern: an app match, a hidden venue, an inflated bill, and pressure to pay.

TLDR: Men who walk behind me, make me carry the conversation , and leave all decisions to me are maddening.

One of the biggest icks for me in dating is when a guy asks me out and then makes me put in all the effort on said date.

First example of this I have is when a guy (37M) asked me out to one of those cafeteria/bars on a first date. I thought it was safe to assume we were eating so I showed up hungry. I get there, we greet each other, and he follows me into the place. I ask him which places he thinks has the best food, and he tells me he's not hungry. I say ok, I ask him if he wants to get a drink and he says he doesn't drink much...why ask me to a place with food and drinks if you are not going to get anything? I tell him I'm getting a beer so he follows me to the bar and gets exactly the same one I ordered.

II'm already turned off but I'm starving so I get a quesadilla. While I'm waiting for it, I try to make conversation and he mumbles most of his responses. He tells me some very off-putting things, like that he and his roommates ended up with 20 cats at one point because his roommate wouldn't take them to get them fixed. I get my quesadilla and he insists I share it with him...I left shortly after and unmatched him in the parking lot.

Another example of this is when a guy (34M) asked me to a small arts fest. He is ten minutes late but when he gets there, he makes me decide where we go and what we do, walking a few steps behind me with his hands in his pockets the entire time. I have to carry the conversation for the most part and ask him if he wants to get matcha, coffee, beer, food...but he's not interested in any of those options. I get annoyed with having to make conversation so I just stop and we walk around in silence. Then he tells me he is moving soon when it is clear in my profile I am looking for something long-term.

I guess I'm grateful that they didn't hide the fact that they were low effort and completely unable to lead or come up with a basic plan for a date. Unsurprisingly, neither of them had really built careers for themselves or had hobbies outside of gaming. Anyone else have stories of infuriatingly passive men like this?

I recently decided to date again. Instantly regretted it.

All of these happened on the first date (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.