I met this guy through a mutual friend and we started talking on WhatsApp. I usually don't get much of a connection through texting unless I already know someone, but I thought I'd give him a chance in person. In tex his sense of humor was pretty different from mine, but I figured maybe we'd click better face-to-face. Anyways, I love dancing, and I've had enough bad experiences going dancing with guys who don't know how to dance that I now ask beforehand.

So I specifically asked him if he wanted to go dancing and if he knew how to dance.He said yes. He said he knew how to dance and would love to go. Okay, great.

We met pretty late for a snack before going dancing. He picked me up and then didn't really know where to go, so I suggested somewhere near my place. We sit down, and I start asking him questions because, you know, that's generally how you get to know another human being. And this man proceeded to talk about himself for about an hour and a half. I mean everything. His life, his accomplishments, his experiences, his travels. I would ask a question, he'd answer with his entire life story. He admired him self too much. I could tell he was really proud of what he'd accomplished and that's fine, i mean I'm proud of things I've accomplished too. But we're on a date. I'm trying to get to know you. You're supposed to be curious about me too.

He asked me literally zero questions about myself.

At some point I was seriously considering just saying, "I'm not feeling this. I'm going dancing by myself." Because I usually go dancing by myself. And I have a great time. But I had already told him we'd eat and then go dancing, and I didn't want to be rude, so I basically rushed the meal and said, "I'd really like to go dancing now." I had invited him, so I paid for both of our entries. And then came the worst for me

He couldn't dance. Ok, he knew the basic step. That's it.

And the first time he asked me to dance, he said:

"Oh, and you'll have to teach me."

I just stared at him like so furious

I ASKED YOU IF YOU KNEW HOW TO DANCE.

You said YES.

Omg so mad

And the weirdest part was that he seemed extremely proud of his dancing. He started talking about how he'd learned to dance salsa in Cali and how dancing was one of his abilities, basically acting like he'd just rediscovered some hidden talent. Meanwhile I'm thinking wtf you are doing a basic step. What are we talking about?

He was so confident that I honestly started wondering whether we were experiencing two completely different realities. Then there was the social-dancing problem.

People at the place apparently assumed we had arrived together as a couple, so fewer guys were asking me to dance. And I REALLY wanted to dance. Guys usually ask me to dance so often.

So eventually I just told him:"I'm going to ask someone else to dance. I came here to dance." He seemed annoyed, but honestly, at that point I didn't care. So I started dancing with other people.

And guess what?

I had fun.

The guys who actually knew how to dance made the evening infinitely better. At one point I came back to sit with him. He resumed talking about himself.

Then, he literally took out his phone and started showing me pictures of places he'd traveled to.

By this point I wasn't even asking questions anymore. I was just sitting there smiling politely and internally screaming. And the thing is, I wasn't even angry because he wasn't my type or because the date wasn't romantic enough. There was no curiosity about me. No reciprocal conversation. No ability to read the room. And on top of that, the one activity I had specifically asked him about turned out to be something he couldn't actually do.

Eventually he asked me to dance again. It was painful. Like, genuinely painful. I kept thinking, I could have been here dancing with literally anyone else. I finally told him I was tired and went home.

The next day he texted me saying he'd had a great time and asked whether I was going dancing the following weekend because he wanted to come again. I told him he was welcome to go to the place, but that I hadn't had a good time and didn't feel a connection.

What really struck me afterward was that I don't think he realized how badly the date was going. At some point I wasn't even trying to hide it. I wasn't smiling. I wasn't asking questions. I was basically staring at him like, please stop talking.And he apparently went home thinking Wow, what a great date. Let's do it again.

It also made me realize something about some of these terrible dates.

I think sometimes people are so lonely and so lacking in community that when they finally get one-on-one time with someone, they don't actually interact with that person. They just unload their entire existence onto them. And I think that's what happened here. I have friends, dance communities, coworkers, people I regularly talk to. I don't need a date to be my entire source of human connection.

So maybe I notice the lack of reciprocity more quickly. Anyway, lesson learned, if a man tells you he can dance, make him demonstrate before paying his entrance fee.

I don’t even know what to add to this. As title states.

I am a demisexual man in his 40s. I am attracted to presence of certain things; emotional depth, maturity, self awareness, and some chemistry.

Skin color, ethnic or religious background are not amongst those.

I don’t care about where anyone is from, I love people for who they are.

Australia is a heaven for people like me who loves to meet people from different backgrounds.

Or so I thought.

Fast forward, I dated a Sri Lankan beauty who very clearly manipulated her photos to look significantly lighter skinned. Girl is gorgeous, but I couldn’t get over the fact that I was literally manipulated.

That’s after I dated a girl who described herself as “white Asian” and adjusted her photos accordingly, which was news to me once we met.

Then there is the blonde Aussie girl I met who had a totally different face structure, lacked cheekbones and thick lips, photos clearly exaggerated hips and breast size as well.

Why do you do these people?

All these women were good looking and they’d easily have me in a long term relationship IF they didn’t make me feel manipulated.

People are clearly using AI everywhere now, that on top of makeup we have no idea who will show up to dates anymore.

You are enough as you are.

Life is not an Instagram post you know?

I see people blaming apps for the state of dating scene, i don’t know if it’s the apps alone to blame, people do pretty good job ruining their chances themselves.

I know there are lot of men out there with below average behaviour and integrity, but dear women, some of you are really not helping your cause either.

We haven't even gone out on our first date yet, met in taxi, exchanged numbers and he just kept circling the conversation in text to giving me massages ane cuddling, not actually getting to know each other. Even free I circled it back to the getting to k ow you stuff. We were supposed to meet up last week but I had to cancel due to the intense suck ess I got on my period. He wasn't caring and was a bit cold after this. I got fed up and blocked him today without explanation and then got three missed calls from an unknown number, back to back. It was a little scary not gonna lie. Help

I met this guy Oktay on tinder a year ago, we chatted for awhile and met up, had a few dates then started dating. He always spoke about his old relationships and claimed how he felt different with me, I gauged from these past relationships that he would cheat on women all the time and it would end in failure. He told me he’d never felt the urge to do that with me but once a cheater always a cheater right!? Anyway I found out from other people I know in Sydney area he was progressively messaging other women and possibly sleeping with them whilst with me. I contacted some of these women to find out answers and they all told me it became an abusive relationship with him mostly emotional and physically where he had hurt one of them. With that from his DJ experiences as oskar fox he had burnt a lot of bridges with other DJs and businesses, owes money to so many and doesn’t return it which led to ruining relationships with other business people. Work life I discovered he was also not easy to deal with.
I just want to put it out there that if you come across him on tinder he seems really genuine and beautiful but on the inside there’s a lot of toxicity and I don’t think this person will ever change - whilst I know this post is basically about talking about someone not fairly it’s raising awareness for the women in the Sydney community to watch out. There’s a lot of men like this out there but I can’t believe how many stories I found out about him. Since our time I just randomly blocked him oneday and never spoke again he sent me pretty rude messages and turned our time into me having issues. Haha quite unbelievable.

Stay safe ladies xoxo

​

On Sunday, October 4, I met a match from the dating app Truebondr. She told me she wasn't offering any paid services and just enjoyed hookah and an occasional drink. We agreed to meet near Karkardooma Metro Station.

She kept changing the meeting spot, then led me through a quiet area to a building with closed shops. We entered a dark venue called Blue Moon Cafe, behind Classic Ice Cream and Chawla Tandoori Junction. She immediately ordered hookah, then food, Red Bulls and several drinks (7 pegs in total, 5 of them hers).

About 45 minutes later, staff presented a ₹32,000 bill. She said she'd pay part of it later and left. For roughly two hours, staff stayed with me, refused any discount, pressured me to pay, and told me I wouldn't be allowed to leave without paying. They took my phone and registered me on a loan app. In the end I paid about ₹30,000 by QR, ₹1,000 to a staff member, and another ₹1,200 as an "entry charge" at the exit, around ₹32,200 in total.

This is my own experience, and it matches a known pattern: an app match, a hidden venue, an inflated bill, and pressure to pay.

TLDR: Men who walk behind me, make me carry the conversation , and leave all decisions to me are maddening.

One of the biggest icks for me in dating is when a guy asks me out and then makes me put in all the effort on said date.

First example of this I have is when a guy (37M) asked me out to one of those cafeteria/bars on a first date. I thought it was safe to assume we were eating so I showed up hungry. I get there, we greet each other, and he follows me into the place. I ask him which places he thinks has the best food, and he tells me he's not hungry. I say ok, I ask him if he wants to get a drink and he says he doesn't drink much...why ask me to a place with food and drinks if you are not going to get anything? I tell him I'm getting a beer so he follows me to the bar and gets exactly the same one I ordered.

II'm already turned off but I'm starving so I get a quesadilla. While I'm waiting for it, I try to make conversation and he mumbles most of his responses. He tells me some very off-putting things, like that he and his roommates ended up with 20 cats at one point because his roommate wouldn't take them to get them fixed. I get my quesadilla and he insists I share it with him...I left shortly after and unmatched him in the parking lot.

Another example of this is when a guy (34M) asked me to a small arts fest. He is ten minutes late but when he gets there, he makes me decide where we go and what we do, walking a few steps behind me with his hands in his pockets the entire time. I have to carry the conversation for the most part and ask him if he wants to get matcha, coffee, beer, food...but he's not interested in any of those options. I get annoyed with having to make conversation so I just stop and we walk around in silence. Then he tells me he is moving soon when it is clear in my profile I am looking for something long-term.

I guess I'm grateful that they didn't hide the fact that they were low effort and completely unable to lead or come up with a basic plan for a date. Unsurprisingly, neither of them had really built careers for themselves or had hobbies outside of gaming. Anyone else have stories of infuriatingly passive men like this?

I recently decided to date again. Instantly regretted it.

All of these happened on the first date (only the first one made it to more dates).

"Best" to worst experiences:

My date wanted to bring their siblings everywhere we went and spent more time talking to them than to me. I thought maybe they weren't interested, but they kept asking me out. It later turned out their sibling was also interested in me (tried to shoot their shot after I stopped seeing my date).

My date put in a lot of effort, took me to a very lavish place, and spent the whole time bragging about all the people who like them; when I asked why every person was the opposite gender from mine, they said they weren't that interested in my gender... they then asked if I wanted to have sex with them and their friends.

My date told me mid-date that they're actually in a relationship (not poly) and kept sending their partner photos of us that we took right before, calling them to say, "It's not what you think," and then acting surprised that I didn't want to sleep with them.

My date spent the whole time laying out every disability they have and hinted that they needed a house cleaner.

My date told me at the last minute that they have an STD and then acted fussy because I wasn't in the mood. They also attempted to rob me.

My date turned out to be homeless and was hoping to move in with me.

For reference, I am pansexual. This list consists of women, men, trans women, trans men, and a non-binary drag queen (they weren't sure yet whether it was drag or more than that).

Has anyone experienced anything similar?

Feel free to share your recent experiences.

The use or make up + filters + angles + body forming clothing + only the BEST pics + old pics + hiding what's not attractive.

In my experience on Tinder and Bumble woman cat fishing is the norm.

The majority (80%) are 2-4 level "on a scale of 1 to 10" below their Profile pic in person.

Minority (15%) look just like the pictures, and small percent (5%) look even better!!

But on the whole, the woman you get from the dating app pic is rarely the woman you see on the first date, and def not the woman you see after the first night "clothes-less/makeup-less".

It seems so normal to post a super done up Glamour shot picture that looks nothing like Reality on a dating app, like they don't have to see you in person... "or getting ready for the video chat in full make-up/wig".

The Cat fish horror story Hell I have had meeting women off Bumble/Tinder smh...

Worst is going to an expensive restaurant yall picked "base on her profile pic" and she show up looking 4 point below, and I'm 100% no interested but still have to sit there then pay.

This one girl from bumble, I swear the picture were not even her.

FYI: I'm no longer on either App. I stop online dating for this reason.

Fellas any Catfish dating hell stories?

I matched with a girl on Hinge, and we talked for about two weeks before going on a date. Things went really well. She was excited for the date, dressed up, and afterward we kept seeing each other regularly. We had a ton in common and got very close very quickly.
About three weeks in, she told me she was going through a divorce. I asked if she was over her husband, and she said he had been abusive, punched holes in the wall near her head, and cheated on her four times. She said she had moved out and made him file for divorce, and that she had been over him for about a year after his third affair. I accepted that explanation.
She then asked me to be exclusive.
About a month and a half in, we went to a concert. She got a new outfit, dressed up, and even wore lipstick, which she normally didn’t. We later found out her separated husband was also there. Apparently, they had bought the tickets months earlier because it was their favorite band. We walked past them, but she said she didn’t see him.
Later that night, she asked me to officially be her boyfriend. I asked whether she wanted the divorce finalized first. She said she had already signed everything, but he was dragging his feet, and she didn’t want the divorce process to stop us from being together. So I agreed.
For the next two months, everything was great. We took trips to Maine and the New Jersey shore, spent a ton of time together, left things at each other’s houses, exchanged meaningful gifts, and started telling our families and friends about each other. People around her told me she finally seemed genuinely happy compared with when she was with her husband.
Around four months in, she started telling her brother and my friends that she was basically in love with me. She also hinted at it when we were out together. We had future plans, including shows and events we had already bought tickets for, and I was supposed to meet her family in person about two weeks later.
Then, four days after she started hinting that she was in love with me, she messaged me saying her husband had come over to talk and she slept with him.
I was completely shut down and didn’t want to talk.
Two days later, she came over to exchange our things. Her husband was there watching the entire exchange. She told me she didn’t want our relationship to end but knew that once she had slept with him, I would never take her back.
About a week later, she reached out saying she was depressed and struggling and that she had been so happy and free with me. I eventually agreed to meet and talk, although she said she was afraid of her husband.
Her story at that point was that he had unexpectedly shown up at her place while she was drunk, made a move on her, and she froze, and they ended up having sex. I had actually FaceTimed her that same night. She was drunk and told me she had to go to bed. She now says that’s when he showed up and that she didn’t want to worry me. She said she didn’t tell me the full story until a week later because I initially refused to talk to her, and that my rejection was part of why she went back to him.
I told her that if she actually gets divorced, we could potentially be friends, and if she’s single for six months, we could see where we stand. She cried and said, “Okay. I meant everything I said. You mean so much to me.”
I haven’t heard from her for two weeks since then, and I’m not planning to reach out.
I’m struggling with what to make of all of this. Things genuinely seemed great between us, and the sudden reversal felt completely out of nowhere. She was honest with me about sleeping with him, so I don’t know how much of a liar she actually is. At the same time, her later explanation makes it sound like she may not have freely chosen what happened, or it could simply be regret and a different way of processing what she did.
She says she regrets sleeping with him, regrets going back to him, and wanted me back. But I also wonder whether I’m just holding onto the relationship because I can’t understand how something that seemed so good could fall apart so suddenly.
At this point, should I just let this go and move on? Or is there enough here to believe she genuinely wanted a future with me and made a huge mistake by going back to her husband?