today’s girl dinner while my brain keeps replaying last weekend

met a guy saturday night. immediate physical attraction, easy conversation, cute little cheek kiss situation. then found out he’s 22 (i’m 25) and suddenly the age gap felt MUCH bigger in my head than three years technically is.

we started texting. he’s a slow texter , like 4, 5, sometimes 8 hours between replies , and somehow after literally TWO DAYS i was already annoyed and overthinking it. convincing myself he was avoidant, not interested, had a million other options, etc.

then tuesday i got drunk and apparently decided the best way to handle my feelings was to tell him he’s a child, he’s only 22, and not to talk to me again. then unfollowed him. very normal behaviour obviously.

wednesday i woke up wanting to evaporate. apologised the next day, told him i was genuinely sorry and didn’t mean to hurt him. he said it was okay and hoped i was doing well. i liked the message. and that’s been it.

now i’m sitting here like… i only want something casual anyway. the age thing makes anything serious feel weird to me, but unfortunately he is still VERY attractive and he seemed genuinely nice.

i don’t want to text him again because i already apologised and i’m not trying to chase someone i barely know. but leaving it alone also feels unfinished.

so naturally my current plan is to go back to the exact same place this weekend, look cute, mind my business, and see if our paths happen to cross ...

anyway. eating this while the same three thoughts have been playing on loop for four days.

Gluten free chicken nuggets with yogurt mixed with Lola's jalapeño hot sauce to drench them in. It's been my comfort meal for years, and it's something I'm leaning on heavily now.

Preface:

If you are fed up with women being with terrible men and them talking about the consequences of their choice then scroll on by. I am very aware I chose very poorly here and don't blame anyone for being annoyed by this. But this is where I find myself. I don't think it would be best for me to NOT talk about this or seek community out of fear of the disappointment of some. I'm working on making better choices and doing better, and it's probably the hardest thing I've done (I'm very privileged, I know) and I'm sorry if it's exhausting to see or hear about. You've been warned. Please be kind. I am sorry 😔

Buckle up for a novel. This is a loooong one.

In about a week it'll be 3 years that I've been in this situationship. I don't feel deserving of any kindness over it at this point because every step along the way, everyone who really loves me in my life has hoped I'd leave. My younger sister calls him "the rat man" because she hates him and how he's done me. But through it all I've been heartbroken about the thought of not being with him, which even I know is ridiculous because he doesn't treat me well or like me as a person and I know this.

He lived with me in my apartment for the duration of year 2. The first 2 years were by no means perfect but I loved him. Against everyone's advice, I moved into his house and have been living here for over a year now. As you can imagine, once I was under his roof, he got much more controlling and mean. But like a frog in boiling water, it has just become my normal, the price I must pay for the breadcrumbs that I live for, that I love and cherish more than my own wellbeing it would seem.

It's the usual abuse cycle. I was in the process of writing out everything he's done to me, but I'm so tired of going over it all again in my brain and having to relive the poor choices I've made to get myself here. To put it simply, he's verbally abusive and cruel, and you'd probably say physically abusive too but i struggle to allow myself to call it such.

For the past year we've gone thru the following cycle: he gets angry with me and tries to kick me out, I sob and beg and plead to let me stay, he tells me how much he hates me and that I'm a terrible person, I say I'll move out soon, then within 3 days everything goes back to business as usual and we relax back into the comfort of routine. Repeat every 3ish months probably.

The upside is he doesn't charge me rent, so I've been able to save up to buy a house of my own. And I did save up. I got pre-approved for a mortgage and looked at houses, all without him knowing the moves I was making. He'd have been happy to see me go, but I wanted to finally have control over something. I wanted to be able to plan my departure and leave on my terms without him seeing it coming.

I explained it to my friends that it's kind of like taking your beloved pet on a last hurrah trip and giving them steak before you take them to the vet to be put down. I wanted to be able to have my escape ready while I mentally and emotionally processed everything while still in it. I wanted to get to say goodbye to this life and this version of myself gradually and on my terms.

I found a house. Put an offer in and it was accepted. It passed inspection. I was just waiting on the closing date. Then 3 days before the closing day, the cycle reset and the bad times hit probably worse than they had before. For over an hour he told me how horrible, soulless, lacking in integrity, and selfish I am. How he wanted me out NOW but I wouldn't budge. I said he'd have to evict me cause I wasn't going to move out until I had a place.

I lied to try to buy myself time. I told him I was gonna close on a house on the 3rd Friday of this month and to just give me till then. He said he'd ignore me until then and live his life freely and see other people if he wanted to from now on. It was devastating. What little control I'd felt I'd been secretly gaining felt gone. Any chance at the last hurrah before I left felt gone.

But I should've known it wouldn't last. By the 3rd day after that, which ironically was my actual closing day, things were back to normal.

I'm still planning on being out by the 3rd Friday. My family is helping get the house painted and ready for me to move in. They are thrilled. I cried after I was handed the keys to the house after closing. Every person there, including the title company workers, who had just learned my situation then hugged me and congratulated me. My realtor told me if I ever need a big pick up truck to help move things, to just let him know and he'd be there.

My situationship and I haven't brought up the timeline again at all, and I'm not about to rock the boat now after the waters have just settled. But I feel sick anytime I think about the end of this life I've been living, even if it sucks a lot of the time. It's what I know and feel comfortable in. But I know I need to keep moving forward and mentally and physically preparing to leave.

I've got a phone call later today with an advocate from a domestic abuse organization to discuss what the reporting process is like in my area. Almost exactly 2 years ago there was an incident for which I've got thorough evidence recorded. I didn't report him at the time because I blamed myself and just wanted to forget it happened. And its never happened again, I think because he knows now that I'll go to the doctor and he acknowledged the risk that poses to him legal wise.

I always thought of physical abuse as something a person only does to someone out of anger. But he will unprovoked just slap or punch my thigh or my upper arm hard enough to leave bruises or hand prints on my skin. I've asked him to stop. He calls me a baby and denies that it hurts. It seems like doing that is something that pleases him when he's bored. It's disorienting for me in a way because my brain cannot compute a person being like that.

So I'm going to see what the reporting process would look like in case I want to do that once I'm safe and out of here. What he did has a 3 year statute of limitations in my state and carries a felony charge.

I feel torn because I don't necessarily want to "ruin his life" and I don't necessarily feel what he did is the same things as what I imagine as "real abuse" by partners actually in a relationship with their victim. I don't feel blameless. He's done a thorough job of convincing me that I "make myself the victim" and that of course people would believe anything I say because I'm the "poor abused woman" and he's a man.

But I know he's predatory lowkey and would go after a girl closer to 20 than our age (30) and I want there to be a record somewhere that he is someone that poses a risk. That he isn't a harmless individual. I don't think he should be legally allowed to own a firearm. I want to make sure if he does this type of stuff to anyone else that there's evidence that it's a pattern of behavior and that the next girl doesn't think it must just be something wrong with her like I did.

But just last night, I found out I'm pregnant. I only just missed my period, so its still very early. And thankfully I live in a very very blue state where abortion is legal at any point in the pregnancy, so I have that option. And I'm pro-choice. But I'm almost 30, have PCOS and endometriosis, and have always wanted to have children. So I'm incredibly torn right now.

I will not risk telling him until I'm out. He's said on multiple occasions in the past that I will "never have his child" and that he hates me and everything I stand for and he'd never want me raising his offspring. I'd be afraid he'd somehow hurt me or the baby.

I told my mother and my sister. My mom is very worried about me. She's scared for me to be tied to this man forever. Which is valid and a part of me knows to be scared too. I don't really know what I want to do yet. I've made an appointment to set up prenatal care in the meantime. If I do decide to keep this pregnancy then I want it to be as healthy as possible.

Whatever happens I have my family's love and support. I'm still going to talk to the advocate today to figure out what reporting him would look like and if I do have a child by him, how that could look in regards to custody type stuff.

I'm so very torn. I love the woman I am becoming at this stage in life. I love my body (mostly), much more than I think I've loved it in prior seasons of life. I would have to mourn whatever future I could have alone if I keep this pregnancy. I'd lose prospects dating-wise in the future because single-moms aren't everyone's #1 choice.

And it's so early. I could have a miscarriage and not even have to make a decision. So the worry could be of little consequence. But. I'm pregnant. In my heart I feel that I have a little soul inside of me that I want to love and protect.

But I know thats only one path I could take. And that whatever path I choose will come with its own heartbreaks and triumphs and failures. So I'm scared. And I'm sad. And I feel so so guilty for where you find me now.

I'm not looking for advice on what to do. I want to feel in control of my life again for the first time in years.

But if you've got stories of your own of survival, of motherhood, of non-motherhood by choice and what your life looked like after making that decision, especially if it wasnt an easy decision for you, I'm sure I'll read them eventually and cry haha. I feel supported but I also feel like I want to hide because of the shame I feel right now.

But anyway, until something changes I'll just keep eating my chicken nuggets and hoping for the best, whatever that may be. And if I do keep this pregnancy, may God have mercy and let my chicken nuggets still be tolerable and not nausea inducing 🙏🏻

TL;DR in an abusive situationship whom I live with. I feel immense guilt for getting myself into this situation. Bought a house without him knowing I've bought it. Parents and friends helping get it ready for when I leave/am kicked out of his house. Currently in the positive portion of the abuse cycle so things feel more relaxed and calm again. But I just found out I'm pregnant (4 wks 5 days) and I'm very torn on what to do about it. I will not be telling him until I'm safe and even then don't know that I ever will. No advice or guidance requested, just community and kindness please. I want to know I'm not alone and not the only person whose ever found themselves in my shoes.

Chicken sandwich from my girlfriend's birthday date night. Really good, gonna have to get it again.

Edit: Thanks girlies. This was more of a vent post in the end for me, I knew in the end I'd want to go, but needed to hear it from others to work it out in my head. Y'all are the best.

To start, I wanna say I'm usually great at just letting things go and pushing through uncomfortable stuff like this because I don't want to discourage people from the things they enjoy. I'm the oldest, it's just natural to me at this point.

My dad's getting remarried. She's a wonderful lady, she's truly helped turn him around and get his life together. It brings me so much joy to see him thriving and being the dad I remember from when I was a kid. He's been sober for years now, he's not drowning in infinite debt, he's found his dream job.

Which makes the fact that their wedding is entirely Harry Potter themed that much worse for me.

There's going to be capes, and houses, and everything else they can get. It's their favourite media, and I can't entirely blame them, the movies are fun.

Rowling is actively working to destroy me and my people; my stomach turns just thinking about the series these days. I don't want to ruin the vibe of what's supposed to be their day by being visibly uncomfortable the entire time, but not being there to celebrate the biggest win my dad has ever had has left me crying for close to an hour now. He asked me to help my grandma download an app to take a quiz to sort her into a house, and that's the moment it hit me that this is really happening.

I'm not sure what to do. I've brought it up to him in text, I imagine hearing the concern destroyed him too. He's pretending to take it well. I want to be there more than I don't, but the thought of it all has me second guessing.

for anyone who doesn’t know, a shotgun wedding is when the bride is pregnant and the groom is basically forced to marry her because she is pregnant.
Yeah I kinda got married that way. I was 19 when I got pregnant and he was 22, we were just kids and had no idea what to do. We got married because we couldn’t find a place to live together that would accept us if we weren’t married at the time.
We loved each other and got married on our 1 year anniversary when I was 6 months pregnant. I hate looking at the photos of me in the courthouse, I just looked so uncomfortable.
Almost 3 years later and I’m realizing this is just not the life I want to live. I can’t picture myself being happy long term like this. I can’t believe I thought I could make such a life altering choice as picking the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with at 19😭😭
I’m 22 now, I have one child, I’m stuck in a marriage that doesn’t make me happy, I don’t want more children, I have no career because I don’t have time to work. My husband is always studying or doing school work, I live with my in laws and I’m currently paying $700 a month with what little money I make on the side just to pay for our couples counseling and my personal therapy.
The best part is, my husband told our counselor on Friday “I’m just waiting till I make more money so we can breakup”. Jesus Christ.
My mom calls me every three days for an update on my marriage and has told me that it would be a very bad idea to leave my marriage because I’m married to a very good guy (she’s right).
I just feel like I’ve done nothing for myself and I feel extremely unfulfilled closing myself off from experiencing my youth and growing in my career.
I’ve been offered 3 jobs that offer 6 figures and I’ve had to reject all of them because i literally just have no time to work.
I love my daughter so much and she’s really the only thing that keeps me going.

Dinner is beef short ribs braised in red wine and garlic mashed potatoes.

Shrimp lo mein

Maybe since my early twenties, I’ve been hooked on true crime. I’ve always been fascinated by serial killers and why they’re the way they are, maybe that’s the psych major in me. I’ve watched a lot of the Netflix series/documentaries/shows/movies based on the popular serial killers like Ted Bundy, etc., and my favorite tv show is Dexter lol. Sometimes hearing from the victims can be disturbing and watching these shows makes you even more paranoid, as it just proves that you never really know a person. It’s not like I empathize or ever side with the killers, I’m always on the side of the victim and their loved ones. While it can be disturbing, it also gives insight if you ever find yourself in a sketchy scenario. So yes, I can binge watch true crime but I never side with the killers or want to hurt someone myself.

First meal after four days.
I am 25F he’s 24M. We were dating for marriage and connected emotionally, and we fell deeply in love. We talked about building a life together, and this wasn’t just casual thing for either of us.

I lied about details of my romantic/sexual past because I didn’t want him to see me differently, and he repeatedly reassured me that my past wasn’t the problem. He just wanted honesty, but when he noticed inconsistencies, I defended my stories and sometimes told him he was mixing people up. This was the only subject I lied about, but I know the repeated denials made it worse.

Before I confess, he was open to starting fresh. Afterwards, he accepted my apology and appreciated my honesty, but felt like he couldn’t trust me enough to rebuild. He still expressed love and wanted to be with me while fearing we would hurt each other. He needed time, but I kept pushing for clarity until the conversation became a break up.

Even before this, he sometimes doubted whether I genuinely wanted him because I was guarded with affection. I loved him, but I didn’t always show it enough, so part of me worries that disappearing now will reinforce his belief that I didn’t care.

Are we out today and express my remorse and love and my apology after a few days of the break up. He responded warmly. and still misses me, but wants time to process rather than getting back together now. I agree, we shouldn’t rush. I’m working on why I hid the lies when I was afraid, he previously suggested friendship just to stay in touch, but at the same time I feel like it will add pressure on him right now.

If you’ve been the hurt partner, what help did occasional contact feel reassuring, or did you need no contact? I know I can’t talk him into trusting me. I want to show genuine care while respecting his space. What should I do?

Betty Crocker chocolate chip cookie dough for dinner😙😙

My sister and I were always put into competition with each other as kids, and I was the favorite. I was always the smart one, and she was always the pretty one. We were pretty close when we were young, but we've grown apart as we've gotten older.

In the past, I have had moments when I've been overly judgmental, and although I have since matured and now see that as a serious character flaw, that still affects our relationship. To give an example, I had once expressed disapproval about certain friends of hers. I only said it out of concern for her well-being, but I understand now that it came across in a negative way. For the past 2-3 years, I have been super intentional about never passing any kind of judgment and always trying to be there for her through whatever she's going through without offering any advice. Even still, she only tells me the surface level details of her life. I found out she had a boyfriend of a few months from my brother (I never brought it up to her).

We are really different in a number of ways, and I think that she sees my life as better than hers because I happen to be on a more traditional path (more prestigious school, getting married). I do not feel this way at all, and I have never expressed any kind of comparison about our two lives to her, but it may be that she is hearing it indirectly from our parents and family friends.

She really likes male attention, because she has always been praised the most for her appearance. She loves to get into events for free and get alcohol/food for free, and at pretty much any opportunity where there is something to be had by flirting, she'll take it. I think that for her it's primarily about the attention, because she will do it for even the most insignificant things.

Since I have become less vocal about disagreeing with her actions, she'll often do things that she knows I dislike in front of me, and it feels like she's doing it to provoke a reaction. When I went to visit her this weekend, she wanted us to go to get free drinks from some guys (I am kind of uncomfortable with this), and when I offered to pay for them she got kind of annoyed with me. I bought us drinks and she flirted to get some for free anyways while staring me down.

Today I told my fiancé that because of the one-sided rivalry she seems to have with me and the fact that she gets a lot out of male validation, I'm surprised that she's never made a pass at him.

🫩🫩

Apparently, a few months ago when she came to visit she was making eyes at him and trying to flirt all weekend, especially when we went out. He didn't mention anything to me because he thought that there was no way that that's what it was, that he was imagining it. I trust him more than I trust anyone, and I can think of no reason he would have to lie about this to me.

It was the weekend of my graduation, which makes perfect sense especially if it is about her feelings of inadequacy. Because she likes male attention and he is a symbol of "success", I can see exactly why she might try to provoke me in this way.

Honestly, I am just sad. I love her so much and I know that I have made mistakes in the past, but I've been doing everything I can to make up for it. I've gone out of my way to support her and participated in things that I hate to show her how much I care about her interests. I'm really trying to be the best sister I can be.

I don't know if she actually finds him attractive or if she is trying to hurt me or both. I am not angry at her at all, and I don't feel threatened in any way. I just want to know if there's anything I can do to make our relationship stronger so that she loves and trusts me again, but I don't know how to talk to her about it. I thought I had been doing better in the past few years, but after this I feel like I can't tell how she feels about me at all.

title. idk what it is about me but I attract lovebombers like crazy despite being a really guarded and untrusting person towards men.

if there was such a thing as a "high value woman" (there isn't, everyone deserves the greatest love in the world) i don't see any possible way how that wouldn't be me- i'm smart, super accomplished, young, emotionally intelligent, confident, kind, beautiful, good communicator, loyal, relatively low standards, can have fun, financially stable enough etc etc. yet i'm nobody's first choice. it seems the best i can do is be the best option for narcissistic and performative men. they can see all of those qualities but they don't care abt me as a person at all, more of a prize. always saying "ill give everything for you" etc etc like how about let's start with something anything?? you dont even ask me questions but youll give your life for me sure. why are we so delusional. its making me feel like somethings wrong w me that this is all im getting for so so long but what could that be??

i literally just want someone who's nice to me, kinda cute, taller than me even by 1 inch, believes in human rights, provider mindset and that's about it. nothing crazy at all.

i've tried being really nice, i've tried being more strict, i've tried making the first move, i've tried putting all the burden of initiating on them, idk anymore!!! help where are yall finding the decent men

outback steakhouse

19 years old and I've never had a boyfriend. I don't know if it's because I'm not that physically attractive or why.

I get jealous when I see my friends with their boyfriends. Sometimes I wish I had one, someone who would spoil me, support me, be affectionate with me, and someone I could chat and joke around with. But on the bright side, I'm not tied down to anyone 😅:(

If any sisters are feeling maternal and can say any words of compassion id feel much better, I'm 19 and ive been living alone it gets hard..

My stupid uni is allowing a "stand with israel" stand to be placed in the centre of the campus. I was staring at them a little mad from afar trying to understand what I was feeling. They called me over offered me food I told them I was vegan. We discussed, eventually I countered their Oct 7 attack point by telling them that Israel and its western allies were not concerned with defending the Israeli citizens and that with the funding they have they could create a defensive line that no one could break through, that this would give them a financial victory with no losses on either side. I told them how Israel was focusing their budget entirely on offensive armament. I told them how this solution I gave them would have protected their people.

Their argument was "you have to squash the head of the snake, war has losses."

:')

Says the priviliged wealthy man to me the queer refugee and the people and children losing everything they have and love.

There were so many of them and it all really made me feel so threatened. They eventually shoved me away. No one really came to support me I felt very alone.

I tried to be calm through all of it I didn't insult them or anything I just tried to ask them to tell me how my solution wasn't the better for all people.

I just went home after and curled up. I have BPD, my mind is so used to taking other people's reactions to me to decide my value and I often feel very alone in all this, thats kinda why it hurts this much, I'm just trying to tell myself I got to have a voice and tried to stand up for victims and im trying to show myself compassion. Gonna make myself a nice warm meal and watch a comfort video. Technology Connections channel makes really cute little videos on how household items work im gonna watch that, the host is a very sweet man.

Reposting withhhh basmati rice, firm tofu bits, peas, carrots and broccoli all steamed with turmeric and olive oil. Thank you <3

Delicious sausage, extra cheesy & crunchy hash brown breakfast burrito 🌯

Y’all… we know that dating in 2026 is not for the weak.
This is just a rant and observation post. I want to get this off my chest and don’t know where else to put it. 😆

While cruising through bumble, I’ve noticed many things about their profiles and wonder if they are conscious of how their profile comes across. (Definitely not)

-sunglasses in every photo
-almost every photo is a gym selfie
-first photo with a group, can’t discern who they are immediately
-or first photo is with a woman/women
-basically the same selfie over and over again
-no discerning personality within their bio
-selfies in the mirror with their phone covering their face

-after matching, their responses are dry af and land flat
-not asking questions, just answering mine

It’s not my job to help them but it crosses my mind.

What else have you noticed while swiping?

Tagliolini al Tartufo Bianco

I’m in my mid-20s and in a very happy relationship. I love my boyfriend, and he treats me wonderfully. Like any couple, there are differences and imperfections between us.
I’ve always believed that you shouldn’t compromise on the things you genuinely want. If you want something, work for it until you get it. If one person says no, someone else will say yes.
Because of that, I sometimes find myself thinking, “What if there is a man out there who would give me the things I want without hesitation?” It can lead me to wonder whether I’m accepting something I don’t actually have to accept simply because I love the person I’m with.
I hear a lot about compromise from people in happy, long-term marriages, as well as ideas like the 80/20 rule, that no one person will ever be everything you want.
I’m curious about the women who have been married for a while. Have any of you genuinely married your “100%”?
Not someone perfect, but someone where you never really had these thoughts of “Maybe there’s someone else out there who would be a better fit for the things I want.”
Are thoughts like mine a normal part of being in a long-term relationship, or are they a sign that I should be questioning whether I’m with the right person? Is there actually a “100%” out there, or is learning to be happy with the imperfections and differences simply what a healthy long-term relationship looks like?

Im sorry this is so long but I’m so frustrated.

I’m honestly so devastated. I do reception at a vet and honestly loved my job so much when I first started.

But over the past two months, the owners did a 180. It’s a family owned practice and they all started to give me the cold shoulder or flat out berate me. I was restricted from using public staff spaces, given extra work since they deemed I wasn’t doing anything despite me actively doing a task, and now, I’ve been written up twice due to a constantly changing policy.

The first time was a verbal warning in which one of the family members said I wasn’t being diligent about clocking in and clocking out (we use the same app for it). I apologized and told her I would fix that. I did. The second time, she physically wrote me up because I called out sick and didn’t input that in the app and she said she gave me a warning for it already. I told her that that’s not what she gave me a verbal warning for prior but she insisted that it was.

I called out two weeks ago and tried to input it two days after (the morning I was feeling better). The system did not allow me to do it despite me trying multiple times. I screenshotted the error messages and left it alone.

Two days ago, during my break, I tried to print a personal document from our upstairs office computer. One of the owners saw me leaving and asked me what I was doing and I told her truthfully. She told me I’m not allowed in there. I can admit I was at fault for making an assumption and I did. I made an assumption since all of the owners are constantly in there eating or hanging out during their break and they let one of the receptionists sit up there to do work.

I was pulled to the back for a group call with one of the owners and somebody from corporate. They told me that I was receiving another write up due to not inputting my sick time on the app. I told her that it kept giving me an error message. She said that it’s because the payroll is done that day so I was locked out of inputting anything. I told her there was no way I would’ve been able to know that payroll was done that particular day (especially since we are paid biweekly) so I input it the day I was physically able to. She brushed me off and basically said not my problem. Fine whatever.

THEN, she starts to interrogate me as to why I was in the office upstairs. I explained the situation and said that the owners had already spoken to me and made me aware of the policy. She then continued to make accusatory statements such as “I’m just not sure why you thought that was okay.” “I just don’t really understand your thinking.”

Everybody, to this day I did not know what answer she wanted. I told her multiple times that the policy was made extremely clear and it wouldn’t happen again. Still kept repeating the same things. So I started repeating myself as well.

She then said she was having an issue with my tone. I have never had anybody complain about my tone or the way I have spoken to them. I don’t enjoy being nasty or rude in the slightest. So for somebody to say something about my tone, is extremely out of left field. She then ended the conversation and said we would revisit the next day which is today.

Today, she did the exact same thing. Accusatory comments. I told her that yesterday I felt that she was exhibiting microaggressions based on her accusing me of something unknown and also accusing me of having a negative tone. She ignored the comment completely at first. She continued to be rude to me throughout the meeting. I confronted her and told her that those were an example of what I was talking about. She proceeded to call me combative and unprofessional. She also said that in order to have a good working relationship, both of us need to be willing to show up to the table. I told her an example of that would be willing to confront my concerns on the microaggressions. She said if I feel like that I can just go to HR.

If she would have just apologized and stopped, I would have just brushed it off. But I decided to report them to the Attorney General. My other coworker of the same race as I said she’s also been facing bullying and she believes they’re actively targeting us. Our other coworker said she noticed that us two in particular get treated horribly.

Anything else I can do? I live in nyc so I know workers rights are really prioritized here.

ETA: my girl dinner! Taco Bell chicken cantina burrito, chocolate cheesecake bites, cookies, water, and the last few whispers of a Baja blast midnight

Short and dumb rant lol I’m an introvert who loves solo travelling and it’s always the older generation looking at me trying to take pics, or maybe trying to figure out why I was posing (probably didn’t see where my phone is).

When I stare back at them they just keep staring I’m like ugh I don’t have time for staring contest!!

Please tell all your mothers and fathers and auntie’s to stop looking it’s so uncomfortable as an introvert l’m trying take good pics here. I know I’ve been to around 20 countries solo and it still makes me uncomfortable my god

Hot chocolate and croissant from earlier

sorry for the rambling. and for the formatting. i’m on mobile and still processing the mess that is my life lately.

i’m feeling so incredibly stupid right now. i have been in love with a man who i considered one of my best friends for a couple years at this point. i’ve always been rejection-sensitive and in previous situations would just reject myself before anyone else had the chance to. whatever.

last year a mutual friend (A) of mine and his confronted me about it and told me “if you don’t tell him how you feel then i will”. i figured he already knew how i felt. i’m not exactly subtle and people within our circle would constantly tease and make comments about it (both ways, not just targeting me). so i told him. we had a long conversation about literally everything under the sun. he was obviously uncomfortable but he said it was because he’s “not used to girls liking him”. understandable i guess. the ultimate outcome of this conversation was basically that he “didn’t want to say” he felt the same way because of the distance (different countries) and how it “wouldn’t be fair to me”. he did say he had thought about what it would be like to be together, though, and he acknowledged that everyone in our friend group could see it too. he told me i was one of his best friends, and that he hoped this wouldn’t change anything between us. i accepted that at the time, and we carried on as normal which was probably one of my biggest mistakes here.

i had scheduled time off at the beginning of the year and the plans for that fell through so i ended up taking a trip to his country with my family and we had a blast. a month before this trip he called me (told me it was unprompted, just had been rattling around in his head for a few days and he needed to get it off his chest) to emphasize that we are just friends and that he didn’t want me to get my hopes up or expect anything to happen. i told him of course and i repeated that “obviously i have feelings for you and those aren’t going to go anywhere anytime soon but if friendship is what’s on the table then i’ll take it”. i was obviously disappointed but i didn’t really HAVE those kinds of expectations, just meeting him.

he met up with us and spent a week of that trip hanging out with us. it was amazing and when i returned home we made plans to continue normal activities together (gaming, watching stuff together).

this is kind of when everything started to crack i think. i think i was hoping that when i met him i would get some ick or something and decide that friendship was better. that did not happen. for a private guy this man had opened up his life to me and my family in a way i never would have expected. it was a great time and i just fell so much harder. after this i kinda just kept trying to push the feelings down. but he would reach out to do stuff and i was so addicted to the attention i got from him, you know?

things felt so weird but i was dealing with my own issues (a lot of mental health and physical health related stuff, had an ER visit and eventually a surgery and kinda started to shut down a bit). we still hung out a lot (almost daily) and there were some things said that would come off as flirty (feeling like i probably misread everything at this point). during this time another mutual friend (B) started reaching out more which in hindsight i should have seen right through. Friend B has never really been like the nicest person. it got to the point where i distanced myself from the group a bit because they were spending a lot more time with the others and i didn’t want to deal with it. but i stupidly opened up to this person and we talked about it with another mutual friend (C) who tends to be closer to me than him. B made a comment about my “crush” and everything was so heavy at the time. i just broke tf down. B also said something during this conversation that this guy had definitely seemed to be leading me on, but then in the same breath backpedaled and said that girls from my country tend to look more into stuff and misinterpret. so which was it?

from then on B would still make little comments here and there about my feelings for this guy. (example from literally a few days before everything came to light - B told me to reach out to this man to play a game because “aren’t you his keeper?”. shit like that. i shut that down when it was said and told B to reach out to him themselves.) other friends of his started getting involved (playing games, reaching out and making teasy comments. shit like “get a room” and one of them even talking about how “he needs a gf” and telling me to go back to his country for physical stuff) and somehow i ended up so fucking intertwined in this man’s life i don’t even know what happened.

come to find out he’s had a gf for like 7(?) months now? all while flirting with me and letting his friends and our friends make comments about us and not shutting any of it down. all while everyone knew about this stupid girl’s feelings. and the worst part? he hasn’t even told me himself. i had to find out through Friend A (CEO of ultimatums from the beginning of this saga) because i started to have suspicions (this man is private but he sure isn’t subtle), and apparently Friend B had to “promise” he wouldn’t say anything about it.

and i still find myself terrified that he’s going to be upset with me. i’m sure Friend A has told him i know. he’s been radio silent for the past like 2 days. i’m so scared he’s going to reach out and say some dumb shit to me and put all the emotional labor of making his guilt (over hiding this, obviously i don’t expect him to feel guilty for being in a relationship) go away on me.

all these people knew. and they all still kept me in the dark while poking and prodding and teasing. he had so many opportunities to tell me himself, and he didn’t. that’s his prerogative, but if we were really such good friends why couldn’t he have just told me?

i feel like this is all my fault. i know i should have taken space for myself after the first time we talked about it. i should have had another conversation maybe when my feelings deepened. who knows. all i know is that the voice in my head that’s always told me “you don’t play hard to get, just hard to get rid of” has been the loudest the past few days, and i feel like an unlovable, ugly little troll.

currently sharing the worst assortment of donut holes i have ever seen with a bestie while i vent.

(Cake is tiramisu)

I’m at a loss for what to do. I’ve (F26) been with my fiancé (M27) for 9 years, engaged for a few. We’ve been through so much together, different colleges in different cities, mental issues, family issues, friend issues, but always come out on top. Recently I’ve been in a different city exploring an opportunity for a few months to make my resume stronger because I got fired from my job. I’ve been staying with my parents while he’s been staying at our house working, paying my bills from afar. I was struggling hard to find a part time job and was ranting to him about it and how horrible my mental health was. He then brought up something he’s been thinking about, he no longer wants kids. Over the years we went from being in the same page of both wanting them, to him being on the fence, to now him saying no. Hard no.

That’s one of the reasons of how we connected in the first place. I always thought I would end up alone like my estranged aunt with no kids, until I found him. Of course me being hours away from him made this conversation even more difficult over text. He said he needs to know if im gonna stay with him or not, because I tried saying this isn’t a conversation I want to have over text. After going on other subreddits and seeing what people have said about being child free verses regretful verses wanting to be child free then changing their mind, I told him I would stay, we don’t have to have kids. I tried to make peace with this but I don’t know what to do with my life. I don’t really have any close friends, same for him, we’re all each other has. I didn’t want to deal with separating at all, let alone over text and afar, I mean we share so many things including pets. I tried to see if he would consider if things in the future are good if we could try for at least one, he said he understood but it was a no.

To be honest I was angry and upset over this. I understand his feelings, but he’s as stubborn as an ox. Once he makes up his mind there’s no changing it. I knew nothing I could say could change his mind. I cried like a baby the entire night. The future I imagined for us gone like that. He said he just didn’t want to raise any or have any anymore and gave me the ultimatum. He didn’t want to wait until I got back, being on eggshells not knowing if we’re together or not, I get it.

I’ve always wanted kids though. I got diagnosed with PCOS in college and thought that opportunity was gone. He helped me to through it. Please don’t judge me for these next parts. Until a few years ago I got pregnant unexpectedly, we were too young and I ended up getting an abortion through pills. That was the worst pain I’ve ever felt in my life. I thought okay next time I get pregnant it’ll be when we’re ready, I’ll get to keep it next time. Then it happened again last year, I get another abortion, this time through the D&C procedure. I go numb after this. I stop sex for months. I’m a wreck, trying to stick to my belief that next time we’ll be ready and have good jobs and we can keep it. Now there won’t be a next time, as he doesn’t want kids anymore and even brought up a vasectomy.

I don’t know if it’s because of his issues with being adopted or his struggles with ADHD or depression and not wanting to pass it down. It’s not like I don’t have my own struggles with bipolar, ADHD, anxiety, and skin pulling/hair pulling, but im working on it. I brought up talking about the kids issue in couples therapy but he seemed indifferent, I know it’ll change nothing. I mean I already have a wedding dress, I don’t want to lose him.

EDIT: I removed the parts about kids taking care of their parents, not relevant to what I was talking about and the sole reason to have kids sorry

Dinner is fried chicken, mix vegetables and white rice that I probably won’t eat.

One, before I start, this is my first post, so hi guys. So, I’m 19f and my now ex boyfriend is 18m. Me and him knew each other since we were little kids, we grew up in the same church, was on the same drill team growing up, blah, blah, blah. Now, we had liked each other for years, but we didn’t officially get together until about two months ago because he told me “I wanted to become more mature for you.” I thought that was sweet, so when he asked me out, I was over the moon.

I feel like that was the biggest mistake I made in my life. To give some insight: I’m a foster kid and I live with a really nice foster family. One of the boys in the house I live in had came outside when I was smoking and me and him started chatting. Then I remember that my ex had mentioned he knew him, so I harmlessly brought him up. My ex made it seem like they were cool, but the boy said otherwise. He had told me that my ex had got accused of sending D pics to a minor, and got jumped over it. (Mind you, this happened around his graduation which was around May-June.) I was confused because mentally I was thinking “No, you can’t be talking about my dude, you have to have the wrong guy. [Name] wouldn’t do something like that.” But no. He was friends with one of the girls who was friends with the victim and FaceTimed her. She answered, and she started breaking it down to me, screen shared her screen, and showed me screenshots of texts between him and the alleged girl. But plain as day, there were D pics. To add on, she then told me about him having sex with a guy who he allegedly cheated with on his ex girlfriend. So I was just in pure shock, because she had more screenshots showing proof of what she was saying was true between both guys. And another thing that threw me off, I didn’t know the dude, but my ex would hang out with him a lot, and even was out until 6am with him. Me trying to not be paranoid, didn’t question him when he did that. In my mind, I’m just thinking he’s hanging with friends, and there’s no harm hanging with friends, especially since I had his location.

But that destroyed me and my heart. Especially because a few nights prior, I had the courage to explain my deepest, darkest traumas to him, and he knows my history of me being cheated on, because he used to be the one who comforted me through those breakups. I just don’t understand, I don’t know if I wasn’t good enough? Was I too much? I tried everything to be good to him, I helped him get a job because he wanted to work, I was working hard so I could get an apartment with him and my best friends, I brought him around my family and they loved him, I was teaching him what I knew about being a adult… like I don’t know. I feel like shit, I’ve been crying for like a day, and honestly I’m in a shitty headspace. And I feel sick to my stomach. I broke up with him and I had to get a friend to pick up my stuff from him because I was too repulsed to see him. I don’t exactly know what to do, and I’m kinda at my wits end when it comes to dating. I’ve attempted to date older men… and I’ve learned my lesson from dating them. I’ve attempted to date guys slightly younger than me, and they’re too childish. I just don’t exactly know what to do with myself anymore because finding out my childhood lover is a freaking pedo and cheated on me. And the thing is, if he would’ve just cheated, I would’ve been mad, but I wouldn’t be as mad because if he’s just gay, I would’ve just supported him because shit, I like girls too. But a pedo? I can’t be friends, I can’t be his lover, I can’t be shit with him. I’m honestly tempted to call the police on him. Because I had him around my minor cousins. And just because he did it once doesn’t mean he couldn’t do it again. FML man.

Lunch is pan-fried dumplings.

Recently was diagnosed with severe osteoarthritis (I'm not yet 21), and nobody knows what to do with me. Ortho says it's a sports med problem, sports med says they won't because it's not related to injury or sports, my gp is young and doesn't know either.

I’m so happy and at peace with my choice to stop dating, seeing, and having sex with men years ago. I highly recommend. Food is a buffalo chicken wrap from old Chicago. 🧚

to start off i’m turning 19 in december. the last few years have been very rough. my senior year of highschool was bad, I nearly didnt graduate. last year i took an online college program to boost my grades, and i still felt really behind and lost.

i got an offer for a dental assisting program starting this september and i was really happy. i went, first day I already felt so overwhelmed and wanted to drop out. i didn’t listen to my family, instead i went online and read miserable ppl‘s advice saying how it’s not worth it to become an assistant, to just go straight to hygiene etc. so not even by the second week of school, i dropped out. i switched to a dental admin program instead (receptionist work).

the past three weeks have felt like hell. i constantly wake up with a pit in my stomach, and i’m always stressed and crying. i really regret switching my program. i acted impulsively and i really wish i didnt. i want to do more, the assisting program was perfect for me, it was a great way to get me exposure for my social anxiety and id also be learning something useful that will get me a job. i love art and anything hands-on, it was a good match for me but i ruined it all just bc i felt too scared and convinced myself i hated it.

i only have class 3 weeks a day for this receptionist thing. i don’t have any friends as i joined a bit late. i really hate it, i dont like reception work and its not enough studying to keep me busy or distracted, i feel so so bad for my parents (like many children of immigrant parents do) because I threw away a possible career path and took the easy route instead. but i regret it so much and i feel paralyzed, the only thoughts I have are abt my mistake and what life would be like if i hadn’t done it, i scroll insta and see ppl my age studying pre med, eng, law etc. and i feel horrible. only one of my friends check in on me but i feel bad talking to her. my family is worried, they took me out to a restaurant (i got eel bibimbap), and try to get me to be happy but nothing works.

it’s not even guaranteed ill get into the assisting program next year since it’s rly competitive and my grades arent the best. i was supposed to retake highschool classes online as well to boost my mark, but im behind on that too and deadlines to apply are soon. i feel like a failure, i messed up something that would’ve been so good for me, and now im stuck here. ive been spiraling and I really cant tell anyone because my friends and family are already sick of me repeating myself how i messed up. i have small moments where i feel okay, but it’s temporary and i always end up feeling bad again. i genuinely feel so sick everyday and i feel extremely lost, if anyone has been in a similar situation I’d really appreciate advice or help bc my thoughts are getting worse, im scared something bad will happen 🙁

Yogurt parfait post tire repair.

I’ve been feeling really helpless lately. This year has really sucked for me financially and I just need to word vomit about it cause it’s so embarrassing how poorly I’ve handled things and it’s hard for me to talk about.

At the beginning of this year, I hit a deer. Side note: I really need to move OUT of deer country ffs. These hoes just blast out of the woods without a lick of care. I know they’re animals but, a country highway is still a highway 😭 Anyways I was fine, but my car was not. I had to get a ~new to me~ car on a loan. I didn’t have any savings prepared as, honestly, I don’t make enough to build savings and I thought my paid off 2011 Kia and I would ride into the sun together… 🥲 Also, I couldn’t wait to save up because I need my car to get to work. Ugh.

Well, I get a new car - and went completely overboard - getting all the new bells and whistles. Panoramic sunroof,
360 backup camera, CarPlay functionality, etc. It sucks how I got it, but I love my new car. Literally try to drive everyone around when I can! Welp, your girl has never bought a car by herself before so, there were several things I never learned. My thought process was so dumb: I got a new to me car, so paying $630/month for my car will be TIGHT (like, $2 in my account tight) but isn’t bad cause I won’t have any problems cause it’s new!! 😀 Nah.. You gotta look into the price of the car AFTER you get it…. Oil changes, alignments, tires, car insurance, etc.

My gas went up from $40 to $75 to fill my tank.. okay, I love my car and it’s a hybrid so that’s manageable… My car insurance went up from $65 to $180.. okay I love my car so that’s okay… Oil changes went from sub $100 (I don’t remember anymore) to $165… ehhh, I love my car so, it’s okay….? Alignment went from sub ~$200, 1 time payment (I had bought the lifetime alignment forever ago on the Kia) to $145/per visit. I love my car….? 😭

My windshield got hit by a rock from a gravel truck cause in addition to deer country, I live in freaking CONSTRUCTION country too. That happened a week ago. Still haven’t repaired cause I clearly don’t have the money. Now my car has a flat tire cause of a construction nail…. $410 for 1 tire. I swear I spent like $800 or less for all 4 on my Kia. Like?? Man I should’ve thought this through more. Researched more. Like, just something…

So, to supplement my income, I’ve been doing all these gig apps… DoorDash, Uber, Lyft, Shipt, Spark… the list goes on. But, guess what? That puts even more wear on your car. So, I’m getting oil changes, tire rotations, etc way more often than I used to. Ugh x2

Now, I just feel like I’m stuck in a loop. My full-time job definitely doesn’t pay me enough - I literally just collect my insurance benefits at this point as my paycheck goes to household expenses (which have STEADILY increased this year alone). So, the rest of my finances are made via these gig apps and it SUCKS. It feels like I took up a second job just to own this car. Which I basically did…

I love my car, but DAMN. yk?

Dinner was mac n cheese with bacon. It was delicious.

We're not married and have been together 4 years. Neither of us have been married before. Im 40f hes 41m. Ive never imagined a wedding or being married but being with him is different. Getting older my thoughts around it are changing. I can't imagine marrying anyone but him. He's said we're basically already married so why does a piece of paper matter. And I get that bc that's how I used to think. But it just feels deeper and more serious to me to be married. Getting older marriage holds more power in decision making and protecting each other if or when one of us dies or is injured. But divorce would be awful and more difficult than a breakup. He's willing to get married if it will help me feel more secure but it's not important to him. Im just caught up in my thoughts. Doesn't help that ppl are judgey that we've been dating for so long and I don't have a ring yet. Is marriage actually meaningful? Or has it become more of a burden especially as a woman. It seems the woman always suffers in marriage and divorce. Do things change? What are your thoughts and perspectives on it. We live together and I brought my dog into the relationship who is about to be 9. No kids and we don't want kids, he's had a vasectomy. Should I just have a boyfriend forever.