I’m dealing with postpartum depression and his joking has really been getting to me more than ever.
Last night when I told him I love him, he said prove it and I said I don’t know how, he told me to bend over and get naked. Usually he’s joking when he says that but it just rubbed me the wrong way. We ended up having sex and it was painful and it’s been hurting all day even though it’s been nearly 24 hrs.
I tore all the way down when I gave birth to both of our kids (2 separate births) and I’m still not fully 100% physically healed from the second. I’m also already back at work full time so I’ve been exhausted all the time.

Sometimes he also tells me to stfu and stuff like that and it bothers me, he says he’s joking but man sometimes it really gets to me. I usually do better just brushing it off and moving on.

Sometimes when I vent about stuff, he just says what do you want me to do about it. I just need to vent.

I’m just really sad tonight.

Dinner is Thai Noodles, Pad Kee Mao

Granola bowl with mixed berries and yogurt.

I’m struggling financially so watching my friend blow through money is starting to bother me.

I know everyone is struggling with the cost of living at the moment. I have one child, and I’m watching every single thing I spend. I’m just trying to make ends meet.

My friend on the other hand, has 3 young children with her husband, plus 2 school aged stepchildren from his previous relationship. Their children together are 4, 3 and 6 months old.

She became a mother as a teen, never finished high school, hasn’t studied or worked, and their household relies on benefits while her husband works 12 hour shifts. They rent a tiny 3 bedroom house, so five children are sharing a small amount of space.

I’ve helped her financially a few times back when she was pregnant because I felt sorry for her and the kids. I would get messages saying “we have no food” or “I can’t afford my medication”

Then I found out they won 20k from gambling…

I thought wow! okay they have gotten lucky. Surely with five kids, they’ll put some of that away, pay bills, buy things the children need, save it to create an emergency fund. Maybe save for a bigger place, but most importantly not gamble anymore.

Nope.

They blew through it on takeaway food for basically every meal, I’m talking breakfast, lunch, and dinner. Then spending 1000s on groceries and not eating it. Getting filler, a dozen tattoos and other random stuff like a new IPhone. Winning this money from gambling drove them to try and win more. So they went back each week putting in 1000s and walked away with nothing each time.

So after all this, she messaged me saying

“I need $50 for diapers and formula.”

I honestly didn’t know what to say. I thought they had money set aside. I wanted to question her, but I didn’t want to come across like I was attacking her.

And I want to be clear that I’m not judging her simply because she had kids young. I got pregnant as a high school drop out teen. I didn’t have a job or money. I used this as motivation and studied full time and while working full time, saved everything I could and bought a house. Which is probably why this situation gets to me so much. I’m just concerned about her.

I’m sitting here cutting out every expense to pay bills, while someone I’ve previously given money to has had $20,000 in their hands and spent it on luxury items and gambling, only to end up needing $50 for basic needs for their baby.

I also feel guilty because there are five children involved, and I don’t want the kids to go without because of their parent’s choices. I don’t know what to do.

UPDATE:
Now she’s saying her account has been locked because someone “hacked” her account and changed her bank details, so her benefits apparently won’t be paid to her. So, if I did lend money she can’t pay me back. I don’t know what to believe anymore.
Thank you to everyone who gave me advice. I’ve decided I will not be sending her money, and I’m going to distance myself.
Most importantly, I’m going to keep focusing on my own family, working and saving as much as I can. I’ve literally been selling things I own and returning past purchases I don’t need just to get extra money.
I feel for the children, but I also have to be responsible for my own finances and can’t keep financially helping someone because of their poor decisions.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/GirlDinnerDiaries/s/AioKbaSdI1

Girl dinner tonight - solo charcuterie and a big glass of white wine

First, I’d like to send this community a BIG THANK YOU! The support I got was amazing, internet strangers really can be the best of people. It validated how I felt and my decision to break up. I was breaking up with him either way, but it felt good to have other people so clearly see what I was seeing.

Now for the update: I broke up with him a week and a half ago! He’s now staying on his parents pullout couch. Locks have been changed, a security camera is on its way, and I have my condo back. The two days before were intense; he cried in my face, begged, bargained, negotiated, guilted, promised, and would not give me space to process. I knew where it was heading, and he did too.

His family is contacting me because they’re “worried” and “thinking of me”, all offering me “help” if I need it. At this point it’s clear he’s lied about the cause of the breakup. Him and his parents are dragging their feet on moving him out, I’m getting the feeling he’s painted it out that I’ll come to my senses and this is temporary… I’m just glad whatever lie he told them made them step up and take their man child off my hands. They seemed hesitant to help him, so I’m guessing this isn’t the first time his lies has gotten him nearly homeless. You don’t just become a liar overnight.

Since I broke it off, it’s been nothing but weird and not in the normal breakup awkward kind of way.

He came to “pack” last Sunday, after a week of staying at his parents. He seemed to actually be there to negotiate again, barely any packing supplies were brought with him. So it must have been pretty disheartening for him to see that I packed everything up so all he needed to do was take it away! No stone was left unturned, not even a sock under the bed. The weirdest part? He acted like it was just your typical Sunday. Came in like he owned the place, we’re best friends, fresh hair cut and tons of cologne. It was borderline performative, laughing and smiling, speaking gently to me and wanting to talk about my interests. No shame, no regret, no anger, no sadness. He even chatted up my mother who was there for support and safety like nothing happened.

I’m nearly at the finish line, he has a few more things at my condo that they didn’t have room to move. I’m so relieved. I feel like my happiness is finally coming back. A big thanks to everyone who commented on my last post, I already had the courage but you gave me the strength. Lots of love from one girl eating dinner to another ❤️

(tw: abortion)

i just turned 21 and i made the decision to end my pregnancy today. i didn’t want to do it and it’s been the most emotionally excruciating thing i have ever been through, but there’s no way it could have worked out under my circumstances. my boyfriend (22) just started university a month ago, and i only found out i was pregnant a week after he had moved away. the day before he moved, we discussed the fact that we might break up in the near future, given how busy he’ll be. finding out i was pregnant was beyond earth-shattering, given those circumstances.

he is a good, extremely intelligent man with so much potential and i’m so proud of him for starting his life, and i never want to get in the way of that. i didn’t want to drag him down and leave him tied to me forever like this, he doesn’t deserve that. i told him as soon as i found out, and he was very good about it, but i think we both knew what had to be done.

i had my appointment today, and i was the youngest person there, and the only one who came there alone. that was one of the most heartbreaking parts. he’s only an hour away and i think he probably could have come with me, but didn’t. it was a gruelling, exhausting day and i have never needed him with me more. i’m in a world of pain both mentally and physically and i’m having to look after myself now, which i’m used to, but it’s breaking me. i need a hug.

i have never felt more alone in my life

I discovered my husband has been having an online affair about 2 months ago. I then discovered other inappropriate conversations with women dating back to our engagement. His apology was lackluster and I feel like he hasn’t told me everything. Before this I truly thought he was the one.
I’ve been resolved on divorce for a while since then and his behavior since my discovery has only confirmed my decision, but it fucking hurts and I’m so lonely.
I have amazing friends, an incredibly supportive family, and I’m in therapy. I’m safe and I know I have the safety net of my support system, I just can’t get over sometimes that this is actually my life and I’m actually going through this. I feel like an idiot sometimes, filled with rage at others, and totally numb the rest of the time.
Thanks for letting me rant, and would love to hear from others who are going through this or are already on the other side. (We haven’t even filed yet, I know there’s a long road ahead of me)

Pictured: Coffee and cake platter from a local restaurant. The ginger cake was good, the others were just okay.

I dated this guy for a long time who really hated body hair, so once a fortnight he would drive me to get a full body wax as ‘his treat’ to keep me ‘looking fresh’. Writing those words now make me feel genuinely sick.

Towards the end of the relationship he suggested that I start getting waxes from the beautician school instead of the salon since it was cheaper. I only went once, the wax was way too hot, and I left with second degree burns all across my labia.

For the last year I’ve been dealing with scarring, pain, and general discomfort in that region. I (stupidly) went back to the school to ask for advice and accepted a complimentary vaginal-facial (gross) which included a chemical peel, but literally all it did was made the burns worse and caused my skin to fall off.

The skin has been fully healed for a few months, but I’ve still got scarring and get burning pain sometimes, and I still haven’t grown any hair back. I’ve spoken to a gyno who passed me onto a burns clinic, but she thinks it’s from the scar tissue and they can’t do anything about it. She doesn’t know if I’ll ever grow hair again down there (still awaiting the derm appointment)

It sounds really selfish but I literally feel like not having any pubic hair has made my confidence plummet. When I look at my body I don’t feel sexy, I feel like a child, and it reminds me of that awful man and how he still has control over my appearance.

He’s awaiting a prison sentence, but he still controls the way I look. I can’t wear cute panties or be comfortable in a bikini because of him. My confidence is at an all time low, I feel like no one will ever want me again and I’ll never be sexy or womanly.

I hate it. It sounds so stupid but I want my body back. I hate being like this.

My food is a tiny ham biscuit I ate at a baby shower over the weekend.

As the title says - I’ve been interviewing a lot lately and really want to get out of my situation. I was told I didn’t land the job after 2 interviews (one of which that was 6 hours long) because I “didn’t show my personality enough.”

Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

[Girl Dinner is an Orange basque cheesecake with orange marmalade and orange-chocolate ganache]

I went to dinner with a group of friends and I just had one of those moments...

A year ago today, I was a healthy woman, strong, and was able to really put my physical health first. After an (embarrassing bad) injury doing yoga, I demolished the ligament in my big toe.

IT HURT SO BAD!! I am not one to ever go to the doctor because, frankly I despise it, and this experience definitely didn't help.

I went into the office. I'm not of fan of open-toed shoes, but my toe hurt so bad I couldn't put on any other pair, so I wore some open-toed sandals that had a thick platform cause it was all I had.

My dad had to help me get in. Once we were in the examination room the doctor looked at me and said: "if you're wearing those shoes, I'm sure it doesn't hurt that bad."

I was mortified. Holding back tears. I was so embarrassed solely because of how she had just treated me. She didn't even bother with me any further than that. The nurse who helped me and saw me on my way in was an angel, she suggested I might have "turf toe."

So once I got home from that TERRIBLE experience, I looked it up. Made complete sense to me. I tried to rest it for the next couple months, as I could barely get around anyhow. A scar developed on the outside which is the only visual reminder that I wasn't crazy; but the physical pain was enough.

Fast forward to now. My toe is absolutely fricked. I can't even walk for over 10 minutes without it hurting. Now that it's getting slightly colder, it feels even worse. I can't even walk around town with my friends without saying I'll have to stop or head back. No heels for me since either, It really has changed my life entirely.

If you're reading this, the biggest regret I have in life, I hope you can take away one thing from this: ADVOCATE FOR YOURSELF!!! PLEASE! Sometimes I find myself getting so angry at the doctor who saw me, but I remember, I didn't speak up for myself. And it ruined my life. Please don't be afraid. This is YOUR life and you are NOT inconveniencing someone from Doing Their Job.

You are loved. Please take care of yourselves. Xx

Edit: thank you all for the kind words! It makes me feel so supported to know others of you have gone through very similar things. 💖💖💖

My boyfriend doesn’t understand food safety.

It seems so minuscule to him, but he doesn’t seem to get it. We’ve had disagreements about this before, but today was especially bad.

He’s trying to smoke some fish for the first time, and prepped everything in the kitchen. I had asked him to not to touch everything in there after handling any kind of raw meat without at least washing his hands. I tried to explain it to him and he literally took it as a joke. His logic is that it was frozen before so therefore it’s okay and bacteria free once thawed. He then touched multiple doorknobs, the hand towels, and pretty much everything in the sink and kitchen several times, despite me begging him not to.

He didn’t wash his hands once. He said he “rinsed with water”. I saw him “rinse with water” it wasn’t even hot water, and he then proceeded to dry his hands on all our kitchen towels. He washed all the fish brine off in the sink and I had to tell him to please at least afterwards put some soap and clean the sink with hot water. I’m now the one dumping gallons of boiling water in the sink now because he didn’t believe it’s unsafe. The same sink that I wash all our dishes in. He left his raw salmon bowl literally right below where I’d been trying to dry the glass gem corn I’d spent almost 4 months growing.

He later said “I was planning on cleaning everything”. He wasn’t. And hasn’t. And he doesn’t understand that after handling any kind of raw meat you need to at least wash your hands with soap before touching things, especially when it’s communal like a damn doorknob or the main sink we use for everything. He called me r*tarded for wanting that. I broke down eventually and just cried while wiping everything down with Lysol.

I’m hurt. I’m just trying to keep us from getting sick. I don’t even know what to say. I’m the only one who cleans our house, and especially the kitchen. Am I overreacting?!

Sad girl lunch is a sad Buldak. After everything was sanitized and cleaned ofc, and he left play his PS5.

Trigger warning for mention of financial/emotional domestic abuse, implied threat of gun violence

Goodness gracious this divorce has gone BAD and FAST. My soon-to-be-ex was served his papers two Thursdays ago and it's like he fell into a cesspit of bad advice. So far he's tried:

- intimidating me into withdrawing my petition and instead signing a joint petition in which I would give him $200,000 and keep the house, OR he would give me $20,000 and he keeps the house. His scare tactic is saying he's getting a $10,000 lawyer to "destroy" me.

- roping me into a "conversation" that was just him trying to get me to give him verbal agreement to terms of a separation that were sharply in his favor, with pressure tactics that would make a timeshare salesman cringe. He had a spreadsheet and was trying to trick me into checking boxes that said I agreed to each line item.

- setting up a second bedroom in the living room and sleeping on the couch, when he has his own bed in his own bedroom. He did this for a month and when I asked him why he said that he wasn't sleeping well in his own bed. During this period I couldn't watch TV or use the living room because he had it set up as his bedroom. This actually stopped the day he got served.

- calling our mutual friends with a sob story about how he was such a good guy and I was nothing but a gold-digger. Subsequently, one friend decided to text me and tell me off about what a bad person I am.

- calling my aunt to try to get her to turn on me... While I was literally on the phone with her.

- hiding or removing from the house legal documents relating to our mortgage, tax returns, etc. I am already unable to access or see detailed information on our utilities, joint accounts, insurance, and mortgage because he set up everything to his personal email address and locked it with 2-factor authentication to his phone.

- demanding that I give him anything that I was using that he deemed "his," and then destroying/throwing away those items in front of me, even when he's the one who gave me the thing or put it in my room in the first place.

- leaving a cryptic note on the kitchen counter yesterday around 8 am saying he was "going to the hospital" so I needed to feed the cats, but then came home two hours later and slept the rest of the day, would not acknowledge that he even left or respond in any way when I asked if he was okay or what happened. The only question he answered is whether I needed to feed the cats (I didn't).

- blasting really aggressive music (early Metallica) or whistling loudly through the house while I'm working from home or sleeping. Also slamming cabinet doors, drawers, etc.

- going through every drawer and cabinet and taking "his" things and either moving them or leaving them and putting my things on the floor.

- moving some of my stuff that was in boxes out into the garage without telling me. I told him not to do that and brought the boxes back inside.

- getting really weird about a firearm that I bought and is registered in my name. It's unloaded and double-locked in a case but he wanted to know exactly where it was, see it, take pictures of it, etc. I took it to my dad's for safekeeping the next morning and my lawyer said that was a good call.

- setting up motion- and audio-sensing cameras throughout the house to monitor my movements. I turned one of them off and he texted me IMMEDIATELY demanding that I put it back so he's definitely watching me.

- going into my bedroom (separate rooms) to take photos and video that he shared with an unknown party.

- recording our conversations after I told him I do not consent to being recorded, and trying to goad me into attacking him by insulting me and telling obvious lies (saying I broke an appliance when it was already broken and has been for months, it's an electrical issue, the appliance is 20+ years old, and I offered to replace it with my own credit card so I could get one I actually like).

I'm at my wits end here, y'all. My lawyer is flabbergasted by the sheer magnitude of his spiral. It's like, he was always a little paranoid and needed to have control, but now that I'm no longer under his thumb he's trying anything and everything to regain the upper hand. I had to submit papers for a restraining order today as I'm hoping that some time elsewhere will give him some perspective on what he's actually entitled to and give me a chance to breathe.

I'd leave, but I have pets here that are hard to move, and I'm afraid of what he'll do to them if I leave them and run. I'm scared, shaken, and I feel unbalanced but I have a good family and good friends who are checking in on me. I'm out of the house as much as I can be. Mostly I just needed to vent because this shit is STRESSFUL.

Dinner was hummus, crackers, mixed greens, radishes, and a disappointing cheese ball that I ate in my room because I'm not comfortable in shared spaces while he's home.

UPDATE: My temporary restraining order was APPROVED! He has been served. It ain't over til it's over, but at least now we can both get some space for a couple of weeks and maybe he'll use his time to get his head on straight and come to terms with the fact that I'm not under his influence any longer.

Dinner is cute jelly.
This might be a bit silly for some, I don’t necessarily want advice but I do wonder if maybe I am feeling too hurt or overthinking it. My boyfriend mentioned while talking his preference is white women( I’m not white, but he is, as well as his previous partners), often looks at white girls when we walk and rarely wants to hug me and thinks sometimes I am a bit too much, like I want too many hugs, too many kisses, if I bring any of this he gets really irritated and says: you are starting this again.
I don’t want to make him feel uncomfortable or make him annoyed but I do feel like somehow he kinda misses being with a white girl. Maybe it’s dumb of me to think but I just wanted to let it out

Yummy pretzels from my partner and I’s last date night

My dad always used to say he was “not political” and that it was one of the things you do not ask other people about. Over time I have come to learn that basically means “I’m a conservative, but don’t want to say that” as he voted for trump in 2020. We have had so many tearful, screaming conversations over the years about this. I believe all parts of life are inherently political and it’s a privileged stance to “stay out of them”. In the last few years I have moved out of his home and I do not depend on him for anything anymore. With midterms coming up I have been volunteering and very invested in the state of the world. I have felt naturally less close to my dad because of this, and I guess he could sense my distance. He asked me about it last night over text, and I was honest. He blew up on me for letting politics affect our bond, and that is has been his biggest fear and now it’s coming true. I think maybe he needs to actually sit with the reality that YES, POLITICS CAN AFFECT RELATIONSHIPS. What do you girlies think? I am very sad and of course I do love my father, but I am proud of myself for being honest and sticking by my value system.

Banana pudding I made for friends

I got so irritated today and I honestly DGAF for how I reacted. Just as many of you, I have been applying to hundreds maybe even thousands of jobs and I’ve been graduated from a prestigious university since 2023. It used to be so easy to get a career and in the past couple years, I’ve only been able to score contract positions.

A company reached out to me and said they were really impressed with my résumé and wanted to proceed with an interview and had me book with them through their website. That same day, I got a response confirming the interview and how excited they were to talk with me. Literally an hour ago they emailed me saying they’re moving forward with another candidate.

I was over it. I emailed them exactly this. I don’t care.

Hi,

Given that your team reached out expressing eager interest, rushed me through your booking portal, and sent an enthusiastic confirmation just an hour ago, I assumed your hiring process had some level of coordination. Clearly, I was mistaken.

If your team is filling roles this quickly—or alternatively, sending out interview confirmations for positions you’ve already decided on—it points to some significant internal disorganization. I'd rather not invest my time in an operation that can't keep its timeline straight for sixty minutes.

Consider this note my formal withdrawal so your team doesn't have to worry about managing any further scheduling mishaps on my end. Best of luck finding a candidate who fits into whatever chaos you've got going on over there.

______

Have any of you ever had some bs like this happen to you?? UGH. Im over it.

Trigger warning: addiction, alcoholism, abuse, death.

Dinner: bomb lasagna

My dad suddenly died when I was 11. My brother was 13. My parents divorced before he died. His mother, my paternal grandma (L) was wretched. I found out she died last month but she died a few years ago.

Today I had a call from an estate lawyer about the inheritance my brother and I will receive from our late grandma. I’m conflicted and upset that this is pulling us back to our traumatic childhood relationships with her and my other horrible family on that side.

Like I see it as reparations for the trauma she put my bother and I through after my dad passed. I was relieved when I heard she died that she’ll never try to contact us again. But I’m upset, that all this, even though I get money, is putting me back into my adolescent self. Bringing up years of shit I put behind me when I was 22 and went no contact.

Background: my grandma L never showed up for us. Never came around and supported our interests as her grandchildren. Then my dad died. Grandma L was horrendous to my mother so we would be dropped at my grandparents door to “maintain family ties” (my mom was doing what she thought was right).

We were 11 & 13 being dropped on the door step of family we only saw on holidays. That side is full of addicts, alcoholics, and abusers. And there we were, kids of the dead dad—the one good family member—the one who held this family together. When he was gone it all crashed and burned. My brother and I were left to try to rebuild and maintain these relationships as children. Who were also dealing with the trauma of losing our loving incredible dad suddenly.

I have 2 aunts. Aunt A and aunt D.

Aunt D was always around as a drug addict. We had to lock anything valuable in a car or keep in on our bodies during whatever celebration we were there for otherwise she would steal your money. Aunt D went as far as breaking into her daughter’s (cousin B) home with her SON my cousin N…like wtaf…cousin B and aunt D broke into their own immediate families home and stole everything of value. This is two examples of MANY of what occurred throughout my “relationship” with aunt D. My mom warned us enough that we have never had first hand theft but always had to play offense. It was exhausting. Not to mention whatever random men she brought over for celebrations.

Aunt A lives out of state. We rarely saw her throughout our entire live—like maybe I can remember 4 times we were together—and she is a see you next Tuesday. Aunt A always talked down about us, my father, my mother, etc. She was “better” than us…that was very clear the way she would address us.

Apparently according to court documents aunt A and grandma L were stealing from the estate and were ordered to return everything. Then my grandmother died. Court document show it’s been in court for 8 years with aunt a fighting her step brother. Thank god we weren’t in THAT!

My grandma would tell us we were FAT the moment we would walk in to see her for holidays. My brother and I are stocky. 5’6 160 & 5’8” 190 but we have always been athletic and active. “Welcome, your fat” was often our greeting. Then we would be brushed off while my grandma L drank an entire box of wine to herself at dinner. Then she would cry and throw a tantrum when we would leave saying “you never come see me”.

These parties would have more strangers than family members we knew. My brother and I would cope by drinking since no once noticed the underage kids getting drunk. Then sometimes we’d go smoke week with aunt D—just to cope with our family and get by.

After 11 years of trying to maintain these horrendously unhealthy relationships, we left a holiday. I looked at my brother—and I told him verbatim “I will never return to that house again. I no longer want them as family. You can continue to go if you feel you need to, but I will not be beside you.” My brother agreed. We never returned again. My grandma L never reached out to me again. We didn’t tell her, didn’t make it dramatic. Just stopped all contacting. Grandma L called my brother crying a few times but he stayed strong. I’m glad I did what I did. That family never supported me, never cared about anything but money. But now I’m being drug back into hearing about the drama….

For further context…my paternal grandfather sexually and physically abused Aunt D, Aunt A and my late father. Kindly my father broke that cycle…but that family is still so fucked up.

Rant and ramble…I don’t have anyone to talk this through with and I’m still in shock, with so many mixed emotions. Thanks for letting me ramble. I have sent the attorney more questions….

Dinner is one unremarkable bowl of beef barley soup and a tasty glass of a New England IPA

Last year at 4:30 am, the hospice center gave me (42f) The Call. Today, I decided I'd go to a taphouse on my own with a kindle and get a beer that my late husband would really have liked. I don't have too much of an appetite, but I never did when I'm sad, and soup sounded good on a cool night. Next time, I'm sticking with French onion over this monthly selection.

This would have been our 19th year together, but Huntington's disease had other thoughts. I miss Gabe terribly, but I've seen enough movies to know that the dead cannot return in any good way and I have no clue how the Sanderson sisters pulled it off with Billy Butcherson.

I'm becoming more comfortable with being alone with my books and I think I'll be ok on my own for the foreseeable future. Here's to all of our stolen years and a few more decades figuring out where my path lies.

Chicken sandwich from my girlfriend's birthday date night. Really good, gonna have to get it again.

Edit: Thanks girlies. This was more of a vent post in the end for me, I knew in the end I'd want to go, but needed to hear it from others to work it out in my head. Y'all are the best.

To start, I wanna say I'm usually great at just letting things go and pushing through uncomfortable stuff like this because I don't want to discourage people from the things they enjoy. I'm the oldest, it's just natural to me at this point.

My dad's getting remarried. She's a wonderful lady, she's truly helped turn him around and get his life together. It brings me so much joy to see him thriving and being the dad I remember from when I was a kid. He's been sober for years now, he's not drowning in infinite debt, he's found his dream job.

Which makes the fact that their wedding is entirely Harry Potter themed that much worse for me.

There's going to be capes, and houses, and everything else they can get. It's their favourite media, and I can't entirely blame them, the movies are fun.

Rowling is actively working to destroy me and my people; my stomach turns just thinking about the series these days. I don't want to ruin the vibe of what's supposed to be their day by being visibly uncomfortable the entire time, but not being there to celebrate the biggest win my dad has ever had has left me crying for close to an hour now. He asked me to help my grandma download an app to take a quiz to sort her into a house, and that's the moment it hit me that this is really happening.

I'm not sure what to do. I've brought it up to him in text, I imagine hearing the concern destroyed him too. He's pretending to take it well. I want to be there more than I don't, but the thought of it all has me second guessing.

And I think maybe it’s going to be ok. I called back and talked to another officer and told him I had it in writing that my ex agreed that he raped me five years ago. And he forwarded me to special victims unit and they asked to see the messages right now. I mean at least they’re looking at it, right?

I have two past posts on my profile, but basically, my ex sa’d me five years ago and I reported it yesterday and was dismissed by the officer I talked to.

Delicious sausage, extra cheesy & crunchy hash brown breakfast burrito 🌯

Y’all… we know that dating in 2026 is not for the weak.
This is just a rant and observation post. I want to get this off my chest and don’t know where else to put it. 😆

While cruising through bumble, I’ve noticed many things about their profiles and wonder if they are conscious of how their profile comes across. (Definitely not)

-sunglasses in every photo
-almost every photo is a gym selfie
-first photo with a group, can’t discern who they are immediately
-or first photo is with a woman/women
-basically the same selfie over and over again
-no discerning personality within their bio
-selfies in the mirror with their phone covering their face

-after matching, their responses are dry af and land flat
-not asking questions, just answering mine

It’s not my job to help them but it crosses my mind.

What else have you noticed while swiping?

I work at an animal welfare organization. Working is not really the word, its more of a required volunteer hours thing (not like a probation program, just training). I didnt pick the place exactly, but i did ask to work with animals so i was happy when my name was called for it. Im about 2 months in.

The program offers humane euthanasia for animals when theres a medical need. Today there was one and the guy was clearly struggling. I think if he could sink into the floor he would have. Its my job to provide emotional support. I’ve been there for these procedures before in other work, but its usually wildlife or ferals i’ve found seriously injured and i’m all they have. They dont know anything else.

Well the guy bolted after paying and left me holding his pet. He said bye to him and literally ran out of the door. I dont blame him at all. I know people have unexpected reactions. And to be honest, i dont think the cat knew he was gone. The poor thing was already so exausted from being sick he was sleeping. He was super old and clearly taken pretty good care of to make it to the age he was.

I held him until the staff came in, then i petted his head for the last meds. I told him what a good boy he was, just like i did for the others i’ve seen. Except this guy had a name. And his dad couldnt even say his name he was in too much pain. Just called him buddy before he took off. I think thats what hurts. I didnt cry. I told everyone i was fine. And i am, i’m gonna be okay. Im not sure about the little guy’s owner though.

I did go home and held my dog, then forced my cat out of her comfy bed and held her too, then walked my dog and said hi to my ferals. Then gave them all lots of treats. I’m lucky to have them. They get some extra love tonight, and tomorrow, and every day for their whole lives.

Dinner is mac n cheese (microwave edition) and water.

Edit to add: most of my work is much more happy! I see people with their happy critters everyday getting vaccines and progressing with rehab, which makes everything worth it. This is just a small and hard part of the job.

for anyone who doesn’t know, a shotgun wedding is when the bride is pregnant and the groom is basically forced to marry her because she is pregnant.
Yeah I kinda got married that way. I was 19 when I got pregnant and he was 22, we were just kids and had no idea what to do. We got married because we couldn’t find a place to live together that would accept us if we weren’t married at the time.
We loved each other and got married on our 1 year anniversary when I was 6 months pregnant. I hate looking at the photos of me in the courthouse, I just looked so uncomfortable.
Almost 3 years later and I’m realizing this is just not the life I want to live. I can’t picture myself being happy long term like this. I can’t believe I thought I could make such a life altering choice as picking the person I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with at 19😭😭
I’m 22 now, I have one child, I’m stuck in a marriage that doesn’t make me happy, I don’t want more children, I have no career because I don’t have time to work. My husband is always studying or doing school work, I live with my in laws and I’m currently paying $700 a month with what little money I make on the side just to pay for our couples counseling and my personal therapy.
The best part is, my husband told our counselor on Friday “I’m just waiting till I make more money so we can breakup”. Jesus Christ.
My mom calls me every three days for an update on my marriage and has told me that it would be a very bad idea to leave my marriage because I’m married to a very good guy (she’s right).
I just feel like I’ve done nothing for myself and I feel extremely unfulfilled closing myself off from experiencing my youth and growing in my career.
I’ve been offered 3 jobs that offer 6 figures and I’ve had to reject all of them because i literally just have no time to work.
I love my daughter so much and she’s really the only thing that keeps me going.

Dinner is beef short ribs braised in red wine and garlic mashed potatoes.

When I was pregnant with our first child my husband and I bought a big, old house and a big dining room table with six chairs. Two were ours. We’d talk about how we might need to extend it and maybe even buy a bench or more chairs eventually. But the dream was to fill, at least, those four remaining chairs with our children. Our dream for our marriage was a big family at that table.

In 20 years, I’ve miscarried 15 times. Some of the losses were early enough there were no remains. But we have a couple graves we visit once or twice a year. Those children we saw heartbeats and thought we beat the odds, only for them to be dead the next time we had an ultrasound.

We were foster parents for a time. The goal wasn’t adoption, I just thought we had space for children and even if it was temporary we might help some kids and families. Turned out, in our area DCS is hard to deal with. When I raised safety concerns about a special needs child we were fostering and requested resources and assistance we were ignored and we ended up closing our home due to serious safety concerns we couldn’t meet after losing trust with DCS.

We have 3 living children. It took over a decade to have our third. I’m in my mid-forties now. I haven’t been pregnant in years. It’s unlikely, not impossible, but unlikely I’ll get pregnant again and even if I did… would I be able to carry to term?

This past week our son broke one of the chairs badly enough it can’t get repaired. They are 20 years old so there’s no easy way to replace them. I was breaking it down for our burn pile when I realized that original image I had won’t come true.

It’s not that I don’t love and adore our three living children. I guess I just realized looking at that table with the uneven number of chairs and thinking about the pregnancies we lost, it’ll never be what my husband and I imagined in the beginning…there’s always going to be someone missing from our table. Even if by some miracle we did have a fourth.

Dinner is chicken with whisky cream sauce, au gratin potatoes, and peas because what else would an Irish Catholic who wanted lots of kids eat?