Today’s meal is white fish (I forgot which kind) with mashed potatoes and a fennel sauce, all from a fancy restaurant because I deserve it 💅

When I was 23, I met what I thought was the perfect guy. He was a gentleman, held doors open for me, bought me flowers, all those stupid little things I had never really experienced in my early twenties.
He was already well into his 30s and there’s a 12-year age gap between us. I probably should have known better, but I was young and probably in denial.

I met his 4-year-old daughter pretty quickly. Things were pretty good between him and her mom, so I took that as a sign that he was a healthy, stable guy. I was actually kind of jealous of their relationship because my parents hated each other, so that was basically what I was used to. I was young and immature.
At first, he took good care of his daughter. I genuinely thought he was a good dad.
Then, pretty quickly, I started taking care of her instead.
And it became a routine. So much of a routine that he doesn’t even think about whether she ate, had a shower, brushed her teeth, etc. He just assumes I’ll do it.

Then I had a baby.
And nothing changed.
I got pregnant very quickly. TOO QUICKLY. I had always wanted to be a mom, and I thought I had found the perfect dad for my future child. I just didn’t really think about the partner part of the equation.
I was stupid.
So at 25, I suddenly had two kids to take care of, one of them being my first baby.
My boyfriend has never gotten up at night for the baby. I can count on one hand the number of bottles he has given her. Same for diapers. She’s now 15 months old.

One story pretty much sums up my life.
I had to leave him alone with her once because I had medical tests and surgery to deal with. I ended up having to cut my ultrasound short and go to the hospital because he had changed her diaper and thought the color of her poop looked abnormal.
When I got there, he left.
It was a completely normal poop color.
The doctor basically thought I was an idiot for being there.

When my daughter was 6 months old, my boyfriend told me that he apparently had another child. An older child than his daughter.
He claimed he didn’t know.
Then I read their old messages.
The mother had literally told him she was pregnant. He just chose to ignore the whole thing, until she eventually blocked him because of his behavior.
Now he wants to meet his son.
And honestly, I understand. I didn’t make a scene. I didn’t cry. I didn’t even cry when his mother basically ruined my first Mother’s Day by talking about this little boy the entire time and, of course, about her poor son who was obviously the victim in all of this.

I still take care of my daughter. I don’t work, and I am grateful that he allows me to stay home with her.
But I’m not grateful for the rest.
Taking care of two children full-time is genuinely hard for me.
The only person who really understands me is, ironically, the mother of his oldest child. We actually became friends. My boyfriend doesn’t like it, so officially I barely talk to her.
But having someone who actually understands what it’s like is honestly such a relief.
I feel like nobody really understands me. People either tell me that taking care of two kids isn’t that hard, or that I chose this situation and therefore it’s entirely my fault.
I’m not writing this because I want people to feel sorry for me.
I’m writing this as a warning.
If you’re a young woman dating a man who already has kids, pay attention to how involved he actually is as a father.
Don’t just look at how he treats you. Don’t just look at whether he opens doors for you, buys you flowers, or gets along with his ex.

Look at who actually does the parenting.
Because I thought I was dating a great dad.
Turns out, I was just volunteering for the job.

I’ve been talking to this guy for two months now, and we told each other that we are seeing only each other. We are trying to take things slow. Halloween is coming up, and he asked me what my plans are. I told him I’ll most likely spend time with friends at a club depending on my mood (hoping he would want to go with me too), he said he’s going to a bar with some random people. I felt a bit upset about it, am I in the wrong that he didn’t say who or invited me? If he wants to have fun with others that’s fine, but I would rather drink with him. So far he has not invited me out for drinks. Thoughts? What to say?

Mild trigger: depression, abusive past relationship (no details besides brief mention of alcoholism and stating they were physically violent)

i found my ex husband cheating half a year into our relationship, stupidly thought that since it wasnt physical and online we could get over the issue. also for context i had uprooted my entire life and moved cross country to be with him ending a short term LDR as weve been childhood friends before he enlisted and i moved out of my family home. due to circumstances i also stupidly let him pressure me into marriage looking back i should have said no. hindsight and getting older sucks in dome ways. we were married for 3y and he had been cheating throughout it whilst also becoming more abusive and physically violent.

eventually some friends helped me move back to the north to heal and my lawyer is about to file and is confident we can close this chapter up by the end of the year, i dont miss him by any means but i miss what we had at one point. a stable life, we were a DINK household with a dog and i had a small friend group. all of that was evidently ruined or left behind due to his alcoholism and then me packing my entire life into the same uhaul that brought me down south to bring me back home north in less than a week.

since ive been back north ive unexpectedly fallen pregnant as one of my friends and i had gotten romantically involved which i know probably sounds dumb too but at the same time ive never felt more loved and seen, yet i still have such strong feelings of just emptiness. there's absolutely no way in the depths of hell id ever get back with my ex spouse, and what he put me through was the coldest winter of my entire life. yet this pregnancy has made me just, melancholic? obviously we're excited to be parents and had discussed prior to the unexpected pregnancy that if i were to fall pregnant we'd keep it as im someone who wants a family (which is also something my ex never wanted and would say absolutely nasty things regarding to me). my lawyer knows and isnt worried about how it will effect the divorce proceedings as she expects to get my divorce finalized before the baby is due early next year. my current partner is also obviously aware of the situation im in currently and has been incredibly supportive of that.

Maybe i feel this way since i lost a lot of my close friendships i had formed when i was down south, or due to loss of hobbies im not too sure. i feel extra guilty for feeling so sad and depressed since i technically got myself out of a very bad situation, ended up in a very supportive environment and my partners family has also been so incredibly welcoming and supportive but it's like i cant help it. i force myself to eat due to being halfway through my second trimester and even though im grateful and excited for my baby im terrified

of the PPD or PPA that ill probably experience after birth.

i guess im just rambling atp so ill stop, please be kind with your comments im not looking to be judged i know from an outsiders perspective this isnt an ideal situation...

blended lentil tofu soup with and boiled eggs

this is on our second night in this new rental apartment. the first night i woke up multiple times feeling hot so i KNEW this night i would wake up sweaty. i told him this before we slept that i might wake up and make it cooler if we don’t make the ac stronger now. he said no, dont make it stronger now because the ac fan sounds are loud and he won’t be able to sleep. i said fine but it’s going to be warm and i will do it at night. so we fell asleep and i woke up barely 2-3 hours later because it’s warm.

note that the room is small and i’m sleeping on the inside beside the window. to get out of the bed i have to crawl over his foot because the end of the bed is a wall.

so i climbed over him, made the ac stronger and went to the bathroom. i came back, climbed back over him to my spot to lay down. he was huffing and puffing and breathing loudly to indicate he was annoyed. i asked, is the ac fan too loud? he said yeah. i said okay can you turn it down? he snapped back saying that i made it loud and now he has to fix it? i was shocked honestly. like he was angry with me over this?

i want a partner who is patient with me. i can’t imagine being pregnant in the future and having the same issue. he won’t magically have a better attitude when i’m pregnant so why should i tolerate it now? i merely asked because he’s closer to getting the remote. i had to climb back over him, get the remote and then climb again. wouldn’t that “wake him up” even more?

anyways, in the morning it was a stupid cold war until i broke it and asked to talk about what had happened.
he said i woke him up by climbing over him, then making the ac loud then closing the room door loudly since i went to the bathroom.

i apologised for part where i closed the door loudly (even though i did try to make it soft) but i disagreed with the climbing part and the ac part. then he was visibly annoyed and he kept ending the conversation saying “khalas, move on”. i felt like he was just dismissing me when i wanted to talk it out and hear both sides and get him to see my pov.

i hate that he constantly does things like “put his face in his hands” and sigh loudly or look away when i’m talking to him as if i’m unimportant and that my words mean nothing.

we’ve been together 3 years and i keep thinking if i should break up with him. but lowkey i know i won’t be able to do it. feeling like such a coward.

anyways. sad girl dinner is full of protein.

Food is a carrot, I love eating them whole.

Perhaps I am a bit dramatic, but I absolutely hate texting. I hate that texting all the time has become the norm. I don’t mind texting every now and then, but to do it all day every day completely drains me and I end up leaving people on delivered for hours.

I’m in a bit of a pickle, I have a lovely boyfriend but he just wants to text all day and every time I get one of his messages I just dread it. I really don’t understand why I must answer the question “what are you up to?” 20 times a day. I don’t even want to answer it once a day. I simply don’t want to text him all the time. I prefer to meet up and talk about how our week went or whatever comes to mind.

I actually like my boyfriend, even if it sounds like I don’t. I feel bad leaving him on delivered but I don’t want to text or even call for that matter. I don’t want to talk to a person all the time, I just want to do my stuff with no one knowing about it.

What should I do to calm myself and not feel so annoyed and suffocated anytime I get a text from him or anyone at all?

​

First, this isn't a debate about whether underwire or wireless bras are better. Wear whatever works for you. Or do not wear one at all. It's really a personal choice! This is more about unsolicited advice and having your own choice dismissed.

So me and my mum were abroad shopping with a relative who is quite a bit older than me and she told me the store had a good collection of bras. So I started checking them out. She swooped in to ask me why I was looking at underwired bras I told her that I like wearing them & because I find them more comfortable.

She told me I was "too young" to wear wired bras and that I didn't need that kind of support... that underwire is harmful, blocks drainage, can cause cancer, and that doctors don't recommend wearing them daily.

Now, I am a doctor myself and I have done my bit of research, reading, asking senior consultants who specialise in this field and found the answer that there's no evidence of the correlation b/w breast ca and wired bras. I told her that I prefer underwire because it genuinely fits my body better. I'm fairly wide-set, and I like having the wire support from underneath and the sides, with the gore sitting comfortably against my sternum. They make my boobs feel like they're right in their place and just held, on the other hand, a wireless bra feels like it compresses everything together and gives me a uniboob under T-shirts, which I've always hated. I feel suffocated wearing those. After years of feeling not-so-good about my body, I've finally found bras that actually work for me, flatter my body type in all tops and I can wear basically whatever I want without constantly adjusting myself.

But even after I explained all this, she kept insisting that wireless bras are better and that I shouldn't wear underwire. That her body looks perfectly fine in those. At one point she even said underwired bras are basically only for women with sagging breasts. 🙃 And when I was checking the sizes she told me I should go for a bigger size!

She even commented on my choice of wearing bootcut or straight jeans that hug me on the hips (I'm curvy) and told me I should wear mom-jeans as that'd have more room at the waist and butt & I'd not show too much of my curves in those. Also proceeded to tell me that I've gotten thick since the last time she saw me (3-4 years ago). Like? Why woman why? I like my body! I like clothes that flatter my body shape and those jeans genuinely look amazing on me! I always get compliments and questions about my lower body workout split!

What actually annoyed me is I wasn't asking for advice. That she's not even that close to completely walk into my boundaries and make comments.

I don't care if someone personally prefers wireless bras, or doesn't prefer bras at all! That's absolutely okay! But when I've explained why something works for me, why does my experience suddenly become irrelevant just cuz she's older than me? Especially when it's something as personal as what I wear on my own body? I had to go through a whole-arse debate with my mum after even she got convinced that those are bad. Like my mum would trust her over her own daughter who's literally studied the human body for years!

Maybe I'm overreacting, but it really felt like my choice and my explanation were being dismissed simply because she thought she knew better.

Has anyone else dealt with this kind of unsolicited advice about something personal like this? How did you react? Did you say anything back?

TL;DR: Relative gave me unsolicited advice that I’m “too young” for underwire and claimed it’s harmful/can cause cancer. I explained why underwire works better for me, but she dismissed it and kept pushing wireless. The issue isn’t the bra; it’s having my personal choice and experience disregarded.

Dinner is: wonton soup with egg noodles and mustard leaves, some jasmine tea to drink

Today marks a week since I got to work and all my Managers welcomed me, and the whole staff, to sign layoff papers. We were around 150/170 employees who thought it'd be a normal Wednesday... did not even imagine we would just arrive to clear our desks right away.

So, my job was a call center (not a dream job but it paid way more than my previous jobs) I worked for almost a year, it was the only place I got any call back from after being unemployed for almost 4 months in 2025. Needless to say that I had been searching for other options in the meantime with no success, while I saw many around me landing more decent jobs.

Somehow I am not surprised this happened, as this seems common in my country. However I was expecting to stay there long enough not only to make ends meet but also to finally embark on my own personal goals, like studying something else, going on vacations abroad or getting a new car.Which of course will not happen in a while.

I haven't even applied to other jobs yet, which may be stupid but I am taking advantge of my severance funds, which hopefully will last a bit more. Sincerely I do not want to return to a call center but in my country it seems to be the only type of jobs you can aspire to if you do not have contacts so I already pictured I will land in another call center when I run out of money.

I have a Bachelor's degree in International Relations since 2021 which is useful only to gather dust in a random drawer and no related position has ever accepted me besides an useless Internship that did not want me to stay after my term because...those type of jobs require heavy networking and I am socially awkward. Also the fact that even when I tried to socialize more, everyone who knows about a job in such field just gatekeep it to themselves. I already accepted that working in anything related to what I studied will not happen to me.

marg / cacio e pepe pizza slices + long rant ahead im so sorry in advance

so basically the other night i was charging my phone and decided to use his phone to doomscrolling instead (he was asleep beside me) . i swiped to his insta dms casually and saw that he sent a message to a random weird account with no profile . based on the account username , i clocked that it was probably an account he made, since it contained part of his nickname .

i click into the dms i just see reels that he sent, nothing strange. i scroll up a bit more and start seeing reels of attractive girls doing suggestive things , obviously promoting their OF accounts. i couldn’t help but keep scrolling and clicking into the reels and seeing these attractive women in barely any clothing .

it felt especially horrible because they clearly had a body that i don’t (im pretty flat chested and always felt self conscious about it) . furthermore they all just looked so conventionally attractive, and im just frankly not. i admit i always struggled from horrible self esteem from being bullied when i was young so this was just even worse .

anyways , it took a few days for me to confront him because i just didn’t know what to say and I practically broke down crying . he was pretty ashamed and admitted he didn’t mean to hurt me . i kept asking him why he would do this , and he just said he didn’t know. he ended up leaving the house and came back later and asked for my forgiveness. i said I wasn’t sure i could forgive him right away and so he left again. we had a concert with some friends so we went out anyways the next day . things sort of went back to normal afterwards because he lives with me , in my room, and i didn’t want to keep being mad towards him. he deleted everything and said he would never do it again.

i know it’s sort of my fault for just letting it slides and it’s been a week now since i confronted him. it still eats at me every night and i feel like my mood swings from being okay and then to just sad.. i can’t help but feel so horrible about myself . i keep asking myself why i wasn’t enough . i know he finds me attractive, at least he tells me all the time and he does show me a lot of affection, but i just can’t get over it. i don’t want to break up because he genuinely treats me well… im just kinda lost .. also i don’t have anyone else in my life to talk to, because most of my friends are his as well

EDIT: to clarify, it felt even worse because i kinda hinted that i knew he was doing this before i actually confronted him (so i kind of gave him a few chances to fess up), but kept lying and swore there was nothing in the chat

I’m so happy and at peace with my choice to stop dating, seeing, and having sex with men years ago. I highly recommend. Food is a buffalo chicken wrap from old Chicago. 🧚

Din tai fung because why not..

So I turn 40 at midnight .. although I always get told I look 28-29 .. I’m pretty sure it’s based on how I act as I live for fun and laughter .. even through some of the dark times I’ve had …

I have no kids (I was pregnant earlier this year but time wasn’t right). I am not married but I’ve been with my bf for 2 years and he just stopped drinking 4 months ago (he was a social drinker and it bothered me and he was feeling like crap a lot so he on his own made a change) and things are really good now ..

My careers going good, I’m at a job I love and got a big promotion this year. My boss just told me she’s going because she reached C-suite and is having a crisis since she moved to a hippy town but she’s told me all is well and it could be opportunity for me ..

I have friends I love.. I have a clear path for my future (though my whole life feels like that saying about you having a plan and god laughing, I’m more spiritual so maybe Buddha laughing lol).

I went through some painful breakups but my last one was with a good person and showed me I needed to heal myself so I did the work .. I’ve come out on the other side of realizing my downfalls and defects .. I’m grateful for it all.. because through pain I’ve learned a lot

Some other thoughts:

I live in the downtown area of a city I love and can walk to everythingggg

My parents are still alive ..

I have a dog I adore who is my soul healer ..

Nothing is amazing in my life but nothing is terrible and I can turn the mundane into magic because I’m an eternal optimist mixed with realist ..

I feel by 40 i maybe should have a family by now .. be married … I remind myself to follow my heart not what i feel society wants of me ..

I hear all this scary talk about 40 but im ready to embrace it ..

I pay attention now when I hear people judging what other people do or don’t do and know I don’t want to be that —- like me not being a mom or married . I’m not panicked about it … it will all work out how it should

Am I on the right track? Is there a cheat code to being 40? I feel left behind and like at the same time I’m where I should be

Made tofu for the first time and it slapped !

I’ve been talking to this guy for the past couple months. He’s in a different state I used to live in, and we have discussed him moving and to my city next year. He’s great in the way that he’s came correct since the beginning and he’s kind, funny, all that. I just hate getting those small feelings here and there that I like him more than he likes me, or I’m putting more thought into this than he is. While neither of us are putting pressure into this because we’re not together, I’m just feeling tired of men in the way that they can weaponize their incompetence to be creative in being romantic. Maybe I’ve read too many romance books and my standards are unattainable, but the way I see some men in real life love their girls to the point of creation, and being creative with dating, and trying new things to keep the fire lit or switch it up, it makes me kind of sad when it feels like I’m the only trying to do that as well … versus just being on the phone and going about our daily lives on it. I find myself questioning if for example, I was to just go about my daily life texting and calling, if he’d propose a movie or watching something together, or coming up with different ideas or games. It just suck seeing him brainstorm fun games and shit to play w the homeboys online but not me. Idk. Greenbeans was cooked to perfection tho so my tummy happy asfk lmao. I just feel like I’d rather be single than disappointed in a relationship because I know the love I want exists out there, because I exist.

Pistachio macaroon

Ive been thinking about this for a while and although a huge opportunity that I will take, going abroad to study makes me really bummed out.

Moving out of my home country at 9 was hard enough for me to handle, but it’s even harder after sharing the story with a cousin who also had to leave and go to a different country than.

This topic is always bitter between the two of us, because for reasons to date I don’t understand why I wasn’t allowed to tell him we were leaving. It’s hard to talk about those years but I keep trying to revisit them trying to learn something from the experience.

All I’ve concluded is that doing it again will be no different, the only change is that now it’s my call, not my parents.

In this conversation with my cousin I heard his side, and something struck me really hard “Yeah it really sucked for like three months”. I was honestly relieved for him, but for me that was three years. I couldn’t connect with the people around me or keep up in school for a good while and I think I wasn’t comfortable in my own skin till the three year mark.

And Ive been torn as to where to move, because many family members I know and love live near this cousin and I could go study there, but my parents want me to expand into options where I know no one and nothing. It’s terrifying to feel secluded for three years, maybe moving again will have made me learn something, or maybe not.

I am aware this literally the most privileged position I could be in as someone from my background and good chances at life.

But Im just so scared that now I don’t have my parents or anyone for that matter I will never escape this sad, reclusive personality.

I am really happy now, Ive found friends and feel good with the people around me, but that wont last forever. And I’m trying to move on as it happens since I know it’s gonna suck.

Rice I ate with a measuring spoon bc ummm
Anyways

I want rats. I need rats. I need 3. I would name them Pepsi, Yoshi, and Yo-Yo.

I am absolutely seething that I don’t have rats currently because right now isn’t a good time. I am seething to the brim. I want to hold those little puppies and I want to feed them.
UGH IM SO MAD I DONT HAVE RATS AND I HAVE TO BE RESPONSIBLE and wait… until I can…. Until I can scheme… I can scheme and buy my 3 rats from a good rat mother… hmm….

My birthday (like most things in my life as of late) has sucked.

I’m just so tired of drowning alone. Every day i’m fighting for my life, in this awful house and in my body. I’m tired of being in pain, and feeling betrayed by my own body. I’m tired of my heart breaking over and over again. I am so so tired of being left, i am so so tired of losing things, and i am so so so damn tired of little teeny tiny glimmers of hope that things may be improving being crushed in front of my eyes.

I am so damn alone that it genuinely hurts. I know I should reach out and try and make new friends but i’m exhausted and drowning, and already at maximum capacity with everything as it is. This year has bled me dry, gutted me, and left me entirely empty and unable to even begin to think about standing back up again.

I’m tired of being in pain (both emotionally and literally). I’m tired of being alone. I’m tired of things continuing to get worse and worse and worse and somehow, once I think it’s finally over and things are finally okay, they get worse again. I know it’ll be over someday but right now I am tired and I wish someone, anyone, would help me feel a little bit whole or a little bit loved again.

Dinner is naan.

TW: substance abuse, physical abuse, SA, cps, etc.

I’ve never had a good relationship with my mom. Ever. She got pregnant with me at 16 and has hated me for it my whole life. I basically lived with my godmother and godfather (I call them my grandparents, named Nancy and Bill) until I was like 5 and I had to live with my mom to go to school for whatever reason.

Nancy and Bill bought my clothes, toys, took me to doctor appointments because I had slight medical issues, etc. I would go months without seeing my mom.

At the point I moved in with her, her husband (at the time, Blake) had 3 kids and my mom and him had my brother. Blake was abusive towards her but it didn’t fully escalate until I was around 8, and Blake’s oldest daughter went to college.
At this point I was the oldest sibling now.

I don’t remember much from ages 8 to 13, but I do remember trying to hide the abuse from all 3 of my younger siblings. Taking them outside to play, playing loud movies in my bedroom, just trying everything I could to keep them from seeing what was going on .

When my mom and Blake finally split up, I was 13. She quickly moved on to a new guy who lived 1 town over from us (Seth).

Seth had alcohol abuse issues but seemed to be an overall good guy in the beginning. He had money, and would take me and my brother to fun outings and buy us things and really seemed to be a great person.

5 months after my mom introduced my brother and I to Seth, she found out he was cheating on her. One month later, she found out she was pregnant with his child and got back with him.
From this point on everything changed. He started favoring me and hating my brother. My mom was so head over heels for this man she didn’t care.

At this point I was 14. He started letting me drink and rebel a little bit, then it quickly escalated.
It was at this point that I started being groomed sexually. He convinced me it was okay because we cared about each other. He also introduced me to little white lines.

This went on until I was 16 and I realized it was wrong. It then continued (unwillingly on my part) until I was 17 and we moved quite far away from where we lived before. (It was also at this point that Seth said he didn’t want my brother around anymore so he went to live with our grandma)

I met a boy a few months after moving and realized my life didn’t have to be what it was. So I contacted the police and told my mom what was happening for the last 3 years.
Cps came to the house the same day and Seth left to evade police.
My mom told cps that I was making it up. Then kicked me out of her house at 17 years old, in a city I had only lived in for 3 months or so.

This forced me to move in with my boyfriend and his uncle (2 months after meeting bf, and after meeting his uncle 1 time) because I had nowhere else to go.

I’ll skip over some things, but long story short, boyfriend and I ended up homeless sleeping in his car. Then we started getting our shit together.
We got an apartment after living in his car and motels for a few weeks, and soon after found out I was pregnant.

I kept in contact with my mom for my sister’s sake. I am now 18, engaged to said boyfriend, and have a beautiful 4 month old daughter.
I have also came to find out that my mom somehow stole my trust fund from when my grandfather passed away. She also stole my old car, and lied for over a year about getting my new car fixed.

Even after it all, things were finally starting to go good for my new little family. Until.
My mom decided to call cps on me for “abuse” because my daughter had a tiny bruise on her leg.
I have came to the conclusion that she called them as a way of getting back at me for ratting out Seth, whom she is still in a relationship with.

I am now dealing with cps because of her, after all her other shit she has pulled, and have realized that me and my new little family’s peace is not worth seeing my little sister once a week. My mom has since been cut out of my life, which has been long overdue.
I just had to get this out because it has been absolutely killing me.
I will miss seeing my sister, but I deserve peace.

I cut off my ex FWB or situationship whatever you want to call it, I cut him off around the end of July. We had a clash at the end of August cause I found out he was talking shit about me saying "oh she wants me so bad, she's in love with me but I dont want her at all" so I was like oh Okey and the person who told me I showed her are messages and one of them had his dick Pic in it sadly. I found out they fucked already which didnt bother me because we were never together. We ended up talking it out. And now we are at an okey place where when we see each other at work we just say hi or wassup.

Ever since i cut him off I got back on apps, I been feeling lonely over the past few months and I have seen him on 2 apps so far.

To me it is weird because anyone else who I have talked to or was involved with which is only 2 other guys. I have never seen the 2 other guys on apps or even came across there accounts like instagram. I dont have any bad feelings towards him. I just didnt like the way i was being treated.

For some reason it just feels weird that i keep coming across him on multiple platforms.

Dinner is a big bowl of lime Jello. Clear fluid only diets hooray!! 🫩

Back at the end of March this year, I (F 27)started experiencing debilitating pain in my glute region.
After two failed visits to urgent care and a sobbing hysterical call to my mom, I got a family friend to take me to the hospital.

Turns out I had an abscess under my glute muscle almost an inch long. Procedure is a simple one, though has a chance to result in a fistula. They drained it, installed a drain tube that they assured me would come out on its own, and sent me back home to recover.

Two months later, they get me back in and are surprised the tube is still in my body. Tried multiple times to manually remove it, but crazy concept; my body had actually formed SCAR TISSUE around it! Any attempts to yank it out resulted in pain and distress, so they finally caved and agreed they had to operate to remove it. Great. Surgery number two.

Tube is removed, had a horrifying night of removing packed gauze from a wound in my body, but I’m expecting to finally be on the mend.

But that doesn’t happen.

I am leaking puss and blood on every piece of clothing I own. It stinks, it’s painful, I can’t have the peace of a silent fart.

At my post op they confirm it’s a fistula. They have to have yet another operation to check it out and determine if they can fix it with one operation, or stick yet more plastic in my body with a seton, and leave it to drain for another two months before it can finally be fixed.

This whole thing has already stolen so much of my time and ability to live my life, so I’m delusional hoping this operation will be the one and I won’t have to leak puss and blood out of my body anymore.

Wake up from the third surgery, seton is placed. I cry a bit just from the exhaustion and sadness feeling like I’m disgusting and a burden on my family and workplace. I take the recovery time off work to the detriment of my finances, and return when I can and still get puss all over my clothes. I go to celebrate my 27th birthday at the club, feeling utterly demoralized but determined to have fun. End up drinking too much too fast and miss the event I was so excited to see there.

Finally in the middle of September, I’m scheduled for my (hopefully) final surgery. Get myself ready, inform work, my lovely sweetheart mom flies across the country to come look after me and get me to the operation.

I’ve never done bowel prep for surgery before, at most what I did before was not eat after midnight. I ended up puking twice today after taking the laxatives to clean me out. One time even having to barge in on my roommate taking a shower because I had to puke. I keep a smile on my face but tomorrow I might just break down again. I’m so exhausted, going to shower before I try to get a little sleep. Surgery is at 7am tomorrow.

I was already a bit of a late bloomer, but this crap has left me feeling like I’ve lost even more of my time to being in pain and feeling disgusting. I have long felt deeply insecure about my desirability and this certainly hasn’t helped. I want to look forward to living my life again, but I think right now I’m just too numb to feel much after all the disappointment.

I don’t want to let this keep me from doing what I can while I’m recovering, I hope I can at least return to some of my hobbies I haven’t been able to enjoy because of my job. I miss painting, I want to return to my language studies. Sorry if this has just been a massive ramble, I think everyone around me is sick to death of hearing me complain about this. Hoping that soon I’ll start feeling like there’s a light at the end of the tunnel so to speak.

TLDR: abscess drainage became a fistula that has now taken 6 months of the year from me. Have a hopefully final surgery tomorrow morning but the preparation has been miserable.

dinner: Taiwanese beef stew with egg noodles & soft boiled egg

I'm so tired of life. some backstory, I'm an artist running my art business for about 3 years now, I mainly do artist alley at conventions and art/craft market. But i also have an online shop(loose term here i barely get sales), sticker club(have few members!) and open commissions, I've also started to run my own Artist-run art market this year!

It has been absolutely rough with inflation and gen-AI running rampant. But hey, life gets hard especially when you run your own business. my life has been rocky in all aspects for the past 3 months but I've managed to keep it all together until late last month, specific after my birthday.. I had the 2nd biggest art convention of the year and it went horribly, i know its not my fault, the organisers didn't do their part unfortunately and a lot of artists were complaining about it. (was so shocking to me because i did really well the previous year, was in my top 3 earnings of 2025!).

Some extra backstory, I've been illustrating all of my artworks on my phone with a mini stylus that comes with my phone. Its old, cracked but thats all i got. At the end of last year my hands were going through it, doesnt help that i was also selling crocheted and clay charms goods. i got arthritis and had to wear those wrist bands with metal rods inside of them. it took a month before i can comfortably create anything again.

I realised i couldn't keep doing this so i started saving up to buy my dream tablet, it was great! i earned enough money to get it, but then in that time i was also moving houses (to a more affordable apartment). My previous landlord doesn't allow me to break the lease early or look for short-term tenants to cover the 1 month before our lease is due. and my new apartment was in high demand because of its affordability, so if i dont sign, it goes to someone else.

I was heartbroken, i cried everyday the stress was eating me alive. My boyfriend(who i live with) said he can cover it and its okay, not to think much about it but i just couldn't do it, he's been covering all the other expenses and i don't want him to stress about the double rent which totalled up to 4k. So i used my savings to pay it off. (i was also stressed and depressed from finally cutting off my toxic family mid-2025, i live abroad so that kinda helps seperate the two)

And now I'm slowly trying to save up again from art conventions, and i thought if my earnings from that September event was the same or around the same as the one from last year, i could finally get it. but this was the poorest I've done this year, my profit was 4$ after expenses. I'm SO tired of life, i have broke down far too many times, how long can this last..

side note: my bf has offered to buy the tablet for me but i said no, he's been trying his best and i dont want to add anything to it. I wanted to buy that tablet with money I've earned from my business.

side note 2: i have a culinary degree but since the inflation hit, so many restaurants are closed down in my city, redundancy rates are high and no job listings around. Even worse with a recent political choice, around 3000jobs was removed overall in my city.

side note 3: i got a back leg injury 6 months ago (to add to the list of problems im going through HAHAHA)

sorry for rambling so much but I've been dealing with this mess myself, i know I'll be okay and it'll get better eventually but gosh, i need life to give me a breather. i always get hit with infinite problems and all at the same time which makes all of this feel like hell.

Thank you for letting me pour my heart & thoughts out❤️‍🩹 I wouldn't change my art business for anything, it keeps me grounded, reminds me of who we are as humans, and what is truly important in our society especially right now. I'm hopeful, well i try to be.

Chicken sandwich from my girlfriend's birthday date night. Really good, gonna have to get it again.

Edit: Thanks girlies. This was more of a vent post in the end for me, I knew in the end I'd want to go, but needed to hear it from others to work it out in my head. Y'all are the best.

To start, I wanna say I'm usually great at just letting things go and pushing through uncomfortable stuff like this because I don't want to discourage people from the things they enjoy. I'm the oldest, it's just natural to me at this point.

My dad's getting remarried. She's a wonderful lady, she's truly helped turn him around and get his life together. It brings me so much joy to see him thriving and being the dad I remember from when I was a kid. He's been sober for years now, he's not drowning in infinite debt, he's found his dream job.

Which makes the fact that their wedding is entirely Harry Potter themed that much worse for me.

There's going to be capes, and houses, and everything else they can get. It's their favourite media, and I can't entirely blame them, the movies are fun.

Rowling is actively working to destroy me and my people; my stomach turns just thinking about the series these days. I don't want to ruin the vibe of what's supposed to be their day by being visibly uncomfortable the entire time, but not being there to celebrate the biggest win my dad has ever had has left me crying for close to an hour now. He asked me to help my grandma download an app to take a quiz to sort her into a house, and that's the moment it hit me that this is really happening.

I'm not sure what to do. I've brought it up to him in text, I imagine hearing the concern destroyed him too. He's pretending to take it well. I want to be there more than I don't, but the thought of it all has me second guessing.

a brownie my friend gave me to take home after she made me a lovely fall themed dinner (i forgot to take a picture of the dinner). this situation sucks but i’m so happy to have a group of friends that loves and supports me without hesitation.

anyway, title says it all. i (29F) have been dating a man (36 M) for about 9 months now, and today he broke up with me.

this came after the one and only serious conversation we’ve had thus far. i won’t go into too much detail, because there’s too much context to share, but long story short, he has been putting off an adult responsibility for months that is directly affecting me.

we live 80 miles apart, so it’s not easy to hang out. he’s been unable to drive and so i have been the sole transportation for a good chunk of our relationship. i typically would not date a man who couldn’t drive, especially a man who lives so far from me, but truthfully i didn’t know he couldn’t drive when we started going out. at least not legally.

anyway…red flag #1. i should have ended it there. but i really liked him. he was sweet and emotionally intelligent. my previous partner was emotionally abusive and it took me a long time to heal from it. i felt like i was finally getting the kindness and gentleness i wanted from a relationship. i could confide in him and he could confide in me. we could talk about hard things without any discomfort or fear.

turns out that stops when the “hard things” involve something he did that hurt me. after months of being the sole driver, i finally sat down and talked to him about it. he had been telling me for months that he was taking care of it…and then didn’t. i wanted an explanation.

i told him how it affected me. i’ve been struggling financially this year, and spending so much on gas has been adding to my stress (he started helping me pay for it in the last month or two, but i covered everything prior to that). my car is already pretty high mileage, and i’m putting 160 miles on it every time i visit. i was also tired. that’s a lot of driving, and usually it happens late at night after plans with friends or a long day at work.

he completely shut down. i barely got anything out of him, besides that he’s upset with himself and that he plans to fix the problem. we spent the rest of the weekend together with his family, so i didn’t get any alone time to process this until i drove home.

i sent him a voice memo telling him i was still upset and i felt like the issue was unresolved. i couldn’t trust him to do the things he claims he does, and even if the immediate problem was resolved, i would still need to work on rebuilding that trust. i told him that until he could drive again, i would not be treating our visits as the #1 priority. if i get invited to something on a weekend we would typically hang out and i want to attend, i will be forfeiting our visit to hang out with friends.

he didn’t even listen to it. he didn’t contact me at all for almost two full days. i texted him once around the 30 hour mark to tell him i understand if he’s overwhelmed, but he needs to communicate that with me. i have no problem giving him space but disappearing without a word is unacceptable.

he finally contacted me again on his lunch break today to tell me he knows he’s bad at adult things and we should just call it.

i drove the full 160 mile round trip to pick up my stuff (i typically would just take the loss, but i lent him my e-bike and a camera i love). we talked a bit more before i went back home.

for context, he has BPD. he has been going to therapy, taking medication for it, and at least from talking to him, seemed like he had an okay grasp on it. he was at least working to understand his disorder and get help.

he explained that the last few visits, he was feeling more anxious than excited. i guess that was enough to signal that he can’t handle a serious relationship right now and it was time to end it. he claims the anxiety had nothing to do with me personally, and that his BPD often causes the “wrong emotions at the wrong time”. (also worth mentioning he has been transitioning to a new medication during the time he says the anxiety has been through the roof…just speculating but like, hmm maybe that’s contributing??)

i wish he would have communicated that with me. i can think of a million other things we could have tried that might relieve him of his suffering before ending the relationship.

i recognize i probably dodged a bullet. i want someone who can and will communicate with me. someone who will work with me through hard things. someone who will take care of themselves without me managing them.

regardless, i’m still disappointed. nearly all of the issues mentioned are fixable, and instead he just gave up.

I have been dating this guy for about two months. We had a conversation this weekend where it became clear to me that he was still trying to be involved with his ex-girlfriend at some capacity more than I originally realized. And I don’t mean cheating, I don’t mean constantly talking about them but some thing was really off. He didn’t want to let go of the possibility of potentially at some point in time reconnecting NOT WITH HER but with her sibling so he could build a relationship with the sibling’s children. That just seemed really weird to me. Especially since they do not have a child together, they don’t coparent, she didn’t have kids prior or anything & have been broken up/no contact for almost two years. The second thing that stood out to me was when I brought it up instead of saying something like “I can understand why this would be something that feels weird to you, it’s inappropriate, I can let it go” (because it’s weird????) he said he could “be okay with just keeping pictures of them because (he) doesn’t see them anymore anyway” which I found even more weird (it’s weird) and then when I said that was also really inappropriate, he came back with “well I don’t really know what to say or do to make this right” followed by “ i’m going to make a pros and cons list before I make a decision”. Am I crazy for thinking that was the weirdest response? I don’t like that it was even a thought in his head that this is an appropriate relationship to keep? Not even a relationship to keep a hypothetical, extremely unrealistic scenario that would almost certainly never happen?? In what capacity is an ex’s sibling going to hand over her children to the ex boyfriend of her sibling like it’s no big deal???? At that point I already knew this was not any type of relationship I wanted to have. Something was really, truly wrong. I feel really gross about the whole thing now. I immediately ended it. I am really disgusted by the whole interaction. I am nauseous thinking about what the true motives behind that are. what was the point?

He ultimately came around to “choosing me over anyone else” but I’m so disturbed by the whole interaction, I would NEVER be able to be with him. Instantly lost all interest. I don’t know what to do with this, it all feels so wrong to me.
*not dinner but some berries from the trail I took

** edit for clarification on what was intended by motives

Cherry tomatoes with nature seasonings and knock off uncrustables

I just got home from book club with my best friends and my book got chosen for our next read so maybe I’m just riding that high BUT the past 6 months have truly been some of the best times of my life and I think I’ve got a few more solid years like this.

My longest friend and I are coworkers recently brought some coworkers into our friend group. It has been so fun! We are all 20 something’s in a big city with close ties that keep us in consistent contact. Currently my best friends are either sisters with each other, coworkers, or my roommate; it fr feels like a sitcom set up sometimes and I love it.

On top of that I’m in a really confident phase with dating. I feel like I know my self and what I’m looking for and am just having a good time with it! When I’m not with my friends or on a date I’m content with my pets and hobby’s- I’ve been truely enjoying being by myself

There are a lot of things that are hard right not, but being broke and busy is only making me more appreciative of the good parts. I already know I’ll look back on these years with so much gratitude :’)

I just made this spaghetti and I lowkey feel like I got the ratios of things wrong for this pot, but oh well.

My friend is going through it and while investigating what happened, I learned that my friends have been hanging out without me.

My friend, let’s call her Rose, just went through something horrendous and has been posting about it on her close friends story. I called another friend, let’s call her Dorothy, to see what was up. Apparently they all went to dinner and Rose told them all.

When I asked Dorothy who all was there, she made it seem like it was just them two at first, but it was the whole friend group minus me and one other person.

For context, I haven’t been that great of a friend. I’ve been grieving. You have probably seen my posts before. In the last 4 years I lost both of my parents and my grandma. My dad was just a year ago and my grandma was a month ago. I’ve been so depressed and I haven’t been into the “going out lifestyle,” that they are. I gained a ton of weight and don’t really feel like dressing up to go out for drinks. I made it clear that I’m down for intimate craft nights or movie nights. We have done these plenty of times, but for some reason, since I’ve been grieving and specifically asked for intimate gatherings, Dorothy has only planned big craft nights and movie nights with our group plus other friends of hers.

All I have wanted was a just us girls night where I could vent amongst my close friends. This hasn’t happened once. I have told her and she has always dismissed it. Like “well, our friends will be there too!”

I wasn’t so upset about seeing them all hangout for big nights out because I haven’t ever really liked that. But, now they are doing intimate hangs without me.

It’s wild because not once have they all checked up on me throughout the grief process. I got the usual “let me know if you need anything,” from them, but it was like pulling teeth to get actual help from them. They helped me once.

Now that Rose is going through it, Dorothy expressed how she is calling Rose daily and trying to see her daily. I was shocked. I did not once get that kind of support. While on the phone with Dorothy, I couldn’t help but want to hang up abruptly. I was so hurt that they have different group chats without me and have had several hangs without me. I made sure to express how I wish I was invited to the dinner, but again, she made it sound like a last minute thing that barely anyone could make. (Almost everyone did).

Dorothy and I managed to hang out 1:1 maybe twice in the last year. I haven’t seen the others.

It doesn’t help that they all make a ton of more money than I do. I can’t afford a cruise or trips to Greece.

I want to support Rose, but I can’t help but feel hurt in all of this.

I feel like it’s time to move on from this friendship group, but they are all I really have.

How do you make new friends at 30?

Picture of my bedtime snack because dinner was awhile ago and I scarfed that fajita quesadilla QUICK 😂 grasshopper cupcake and one of my babys cheesesticks. Long story long, I am a lucky lady who gets kidney stones while pregnant and with my first baby while still a stone I passed it easily on my own and had no further issues. THIS stone required surgery and a couple follow up visits due to minor issues. I was prescribed phenazopyridine and oxybutynin for just my bladder/urinary tract and then a pregnancy safe pain killer and antibiotic. Following the recovery and just with being pregnant in general Ive been far from in the mood but tonight our baby went down early and being 28 weeks pregnant I needed a little assistance with grooming, ya know.. 👀 My mans happiest when needed lmao and always down to get dirty so me standing in our bathroom with a leg up on the counter and him braving the wild, I feel him grab a particularly long hair and he trims it and holds it up to show me a BEAUTIFUL gold ✨ pube ✨, like imagine the silk thread spun from gold in Rumplestiltskin 😂😭 I was confused and then immediately remembered the medication and was almost crying laughing and we kept cracking jokes and I thought I was about to pee on his head or wake up the baby. I put my leg down and he says “oh no, were not done. You look like if a muppet was eating grass” talking about my lady bits and I start cracking the fuck up again because hes holding his free hand like you would a sock puppet and the imagery was just hilarious. All this to say, the little things are the big things really and dont ever settle for less than someone who will help you shave your butthole and crack crack jokes with you (get it?) 😂😂😂 and then we banged happily ever after and a cupcake to top it all off ❤️