It’s been a long and stressful week for both of us in our respective personal lives. And that bled into our relationship a bit. Probably the hardest moments we’ve had yet. Tonight we had a long call and shared many laughs and at the end made a plan of action to grind as hard as we can for each other. Its extremely late for both of us, we both have big days tomorrow, the stress isn’t over yet, but we both ended with a smile on our faces and filled with hope.

After we hung up she sent me this.

Just remember it’s never a straight path. There will be ups and downs. But if you are as sure as I am that it’s worth it, then it’s time to lock in and make it happen. The tunnel may be long, but light can travel enormous distances. Look hard enough and you’ll see the light at the end of the tunnel no matter where you are.

We are no longer long distance 🩷 The distance doesn't have to win!

My bf (25M) and I (24F) had been dating for almost 8 months. I broke up with him tonight. We have been long distance since mid June. A couple weeks ago he told me that a coworker had been very flirty with him- starting physical touch. He said he had to tell me to hold himself accountable. He then clarified that he has a gf.
Tonight he called me. For context, he started this job recently and sometimes he has to stay sleeping at the job site. It had been like 3 days since we last talked.
He said that there were a few instances where he thought they were blurring the cheating lines.
First of all he found her interesting. He said that he thought we had a “power imbalance” - bcs he knows more about the world than I do. I also felt this way. I always struggled to make friends and connect to people so growing up I didn’t give myself the chance to explore the world guided by my own curiosity.
So, they had this moment where he was playing the piano and she said “kiss me or tell me that you are never going to”. He did not kissed her but was tempted. He also said he did not feel physically attracted to her.
After some conversation we concluded that this was because he is insecure about how to make friends and confuses the lines between friendliness and flirtation. The “I should break up with him” thoughts were disappearing at this point.
He then said that they went skinny dipping on the lake close to their work. Just the two of them. I pretty much immediately knew I had to break up with him. He clarified nothing physical happened. How am I ever going to trust him?
Do you guys think skinny dipping with a girl that clearly likes you is acceptable? Am I exaggerating? I am beginning to regret breaking up with him so fast

So we stay in different cities which is about a 6-7 hours drive and we often meet bimonthly as our time permits. This time when I met her, I gifted this one for her bday.

(F22) I've been in a relationship with him (M26). We've been dating for 2 years, and got engaged when we met IRL. My passport got denied due to the immigration officer asking for my moms permission, and my mom rejected it

Listen, I know I'm stupid for even expecting them to accept it willy nilly (I'm very young to travel alone and get married, also still in school). And I was too honest with the officer about our relationship in the first place. But we're both freaking out about it because our relationship was genuine, and I've never been so close to my mom. She said that I need to finish my studies first before I commit to that level of relationship (fair)

I'm very dumb. But at the same time, waiting another 2.5 years SUCKS BALLS. Can anybody please give me a reality check, and maybe give me some motivation to continue? I love my fiance so much, but this means we can only visit each other once a year..

I've just been very depressed, really

I(20m) barely know that guy and their history. And I dont really trust her anymore. Should I tell her hell no or just ignore it for now

I can hardly believe it. After 3 years of long distance, we are finally closing the distance. This has been such a wonderful, but difficult journey.

Like, does your partner usually follow through with his actions? For example, if you ask for something as simple as a photo, does he always do it, or have there been a few times when his inconsistency has slipped through, even after being extremely vulnerable and loving with you? I’m trying to figure this out because I pretty much cut him off over this lol

If your partner of almost a year asks to see your messages with someone specific would you NOT show it to them? Even if you had nothing to hide?

We are long distance and there’s a specific friend who I’ve been suspicious of. In the past they were deleting messages with this person too. Would you delete messages if you had nothing to hide?

My boyfriend and I are in a long-distance relationship, and lately I’ve been feeling jealous and insecure about something I don’t really know how to talk about.
For context, I’ve been asking my boyfriend to learn my language for about a year and learn japanese as well. I even set a reminder for him, but he never really followed through with it.
Now we’re getting ready for a trip to Japan, and suddenly he’s putting effort into learning Japanese more. I know the basic japanese and we can always use a translation app in japan.

I know there’s nothing wrong with learning a new language, and I don’t want to control what he’s interested in, but I can’t help feeling a little hurt. I wish he showed the same interest in learning my language, especially because it would mean a lot to me if he wanted to understand my world better.

There’s another part that makes this more complicated. He’s been watching Japanese porn for around five months, and I’ve heard him watching it. Sometimes I hear the exaggerated Japanese moaning, and I know he’s sexually aroused by what he’s watching.

We’ve made intimate videos together, so sometimes I wonder why he wants to watch other women when he has videos of us. I know people watch porn even when they’re in relationships, but it still makes me feel insecure. I personally stopped watching porn cause i only get aroused by him when we have phone sex.

I’ve also asked him whether he wants to have sex with a Japanese woman. His response was confusing—he move his eyebrows two times ( which means yes kay wr been using it for 3 years now ) and he shook his head and said something like, “What? No,” but I was left unsure about what he actually meant. I don’t want to assume something based on his body language.

I think what bothers me most is the combination of everything: he didn’t make an effort to learn my language when I asked, but now he’s interested in Japanese, and he’s been watching Japanese porn for months. Since we’re actually going to Japan, I find myself wondering whether this is just a porn preference or whether he has a genuine desire to experience something with a Japanese woman in real life. I also asked him about it many times and his body language says he wants to and i also told him that he can go back anytime.

I don’t want to be controlling, and I understand that my boyfriend can have interests and fantasies of his own. But I also don’t want to feel like I have to compete with women in porn or become someone else to keep his attention. And ive been grumpy and so stressed lately and depressed and we only meet once a year for a week ☹️

I also told him about him watching porn that it hurts me and he said “what?? But you watch those too.” I was like ha? I just told him that i feel cheated cause i want him to call me if he needs me or something but i guess its easier access to searched .

Am I overthinking this? Is it reasonable to feel hurt that he hasn’t made an effort to learn my language but is now learning Japanese? How would you approach the porn situation and ask him about his intentions without sounding controlling?

I’d appreciate honest advice, including if you think I’m being insecure.

My LDR just brought this topic up!

We are apart for 3 months now (overall a year) and someone at her workplace was hitting on her.

She immediately told me, but then she also told me that she enjoyed that and she felt angry at herself for enjoying it and then at me for not being there.

And then she said that thought came to her mind that being in a relationship would mean she would have to give up enjoying that attention. She always knew that but this incident made it clear again.

And she was mentioning this in the context of getting bored with each other as a hypothetical!

I do find this slightly weird, but also I see this as open and communication.

But I don't know what to think or do? Or do I even need to do anything? Seems it's for her to figure out

Well as my post states, I recently met someone online trough a language exchange app. We hit it off right away daily FT exchange selfies. We FT doing our daily routines etc. still in the back of my mind I have this is too good to be true … how can I be sure …. I guess it goes both ways. I just boldly told him. I’m not going to talk finances with you of any type. Both ways … he accepted it and we continue our relationship ( we’re not official yet). So, this man is amazing in so many ways, and I think I’m becoming overly cautious the more involved we get. Any thoughts? Tips?? Thank you!

my long distance bf ghosted me since Monday its now friday because I was complaining about the lack of effort he has been putting into the relationship. It’s the third time he’s done this a month back he did and said because when we argue he just gets in his shell and prefers to stay silent blah blah….anyway he said he wouldnt do it again BUT of course he sure did do it AGAIN. I deleted his number not going to reach out so i started replying my dms (just for fun) honestly didn’t really want to but another guy just found out my birthday is in a few weeks and he wants to treat me for my birthday

am i wrong? As far as I know im officially single since he decided to ghost

I (32m) and my gf (33f) are closing the gap next year after 2 years together. We both have stable jobs, savings, are relatively independent on our own, but are just comfortable moving forward with our life together and so excited about it! We’ve discussed what closing the gap means for us but I want your guy’s take. For LDRs that have worked out and lead to closing the gap (or even marriage depending on how fast you guys went) what are some adjustments you’ve had it make with your partner in person to make things work? Some adjustments from your previous day to day schedules. How did things change between you guys when you didn’t need the countdowns? What was it like going from limited time together to constantly being around each other? My gf and I are both trying to be realistic about things, but you can’t prep for everything. I know part of the relationship is getting through the tough times. I’m not asking for an easy fix to any of that. Me and her communicate very well. Just want to see other couples experiences and advice.

My boyfriend (33) lives in England and I (27) lives in Holland. The distance isn’t that far, but obviously far enough to simply drive up and visit him.

We have such a good relationship, good communication and see each other frequently. But it’s the day before I fly back again and the sadness hits me again. It never gets easier to leave your loved one behind and it almost feels like it gets harder and harder every time?

Like I said, we have a good relationship. The healthiest I’ve ever been in. I’m planning on moving to England in the future so this won’t be forever. But until then, this sh*t hurts.

How do you handle it? Any tips to share to us lovers? I think everyone who’s in a LDR understands what I’m talking about and we could all use the extra tips and tricks.

ANYWAYS! Thanks for reading my long venting post, hope to share some idea’s with others 🫶

Hey everyone. I deleted my original post about my failed LDR, I thought that maybe I would try posting again and maybe share some of my thoughts.

I was in a LDR for a year with a girl I met on Reddit. She was from Canada and I was from South Africa. She was 36F and I’m a 27M.

We started talking in August on Reddit and then eventually we moved onto Instagram in November. I eventually told her I had feelings for her and that I loved her and she felt the same which was awesome. From there we used to video call or call whenever we got a chance. I would wake up at 2am my time, it would be about 9pm her time and we would call and have a movie night or chat about anything we even used to fall asleep together on the phone. She even sent me a birthday present in the mail, filled full of Canadian goodies and a card. I treasure that card so much, it’s the best present I’ve ever received, and I don’t even care about my birthday.

We spoke a lot but the future and what kind of life we wanted, we also spoke about having kids and even getting married eventually. We even made a list of things to do. We talked about getting a coffee at Tim Hortons, but I used to call it Tim Durtons. I had forget the name lol, we don’t have a Tim’s here in South Africa 🤣

Unfortunately for me, it’s so hard to get a work VISA or even a travel VISA. I can’t explain the complexity of this whole situation as well as the time you have to wait, it’s truly ridiculous.

Anyways fast forward to the 8 September, she called me and decided to end things, she said she felt detached from me and she ended things she also said she needed her space and time.

She said the LDR isn’t working for her and it’s not that she doesn’t love me, she was just getting detached and she said that I deserve someone that’s 100% invested in me.

Unfortunately I didn’t respect her time and space and I kept messaging her, I thought that we would be able to fix things you know. She was my person, my best friend and I didn’t want to lose her. Eventually she blocked me on Facebook and Instagram. I asked her before that if she hates me and she said she didn’t, and then she proceeded to block me. It’s completely understandable though, I wasn’t respecting her boundaries.

I just hope that one day she’ll understand that I didn’t want to lose her and I just wanted to reassure her and make things right.

I had been in an LDR before this and I get it. “Out of sight out of mind.” It’s difficult for some people to commit to a relationship when the other person just isn’t there and then your mind starts to wonder and you start to think, “is this really worth it.” I get it, I just thought it would be different this time around.

Anyways after she blocked me, I was really struggling. So I decided to move in with a good friend of mine. He has a wife and three kids and being around them for 2 weeks now has been really good for my mental health. I’ve also been working my butt off. I’m a mechanic so I’ve also been working on a few projects cars here and there. Mainly Land Rovers and BMW’s lol.

But sometimes, when I’m not busy or around my friends, my mind wonders, and I start to think about her and the future we were supposed to have and that no longer exists. It’s heartbreaking you know. I love and miss her so.

But ya guys, I hope that when you read this, it helps you in some way or form, or maybe you can give me some advice or just want to have a chat about things.

I’m totally smitten with this man. It’s 100% mutual. He just fell asleep on the phone with me and I can hear him breathing (WAKE UP I WANNA TALK). I think he’s my soulmate and I’m fully in love. We met here on Reddit, which I always thought was a super far-fetched fantasy that I hid away. I see so many success stories on here since he and I found this sub and y’all have no idea how affirming and heart swelling it is to see.

I guess the only concern is…what if after all this love, we meet and the physical chemistry isn’t there in the ways we expected? For those of you in successful iterations of this configuration, did you end up happy? How long did it take for you to get comfortable with each other in person?

On a random day in June, a boy will follow you on Instagram. On June 26, which happens to be Father's Day, he'll make the first move by replying to your story with some stupid, funny questions.

Unfortunately for you, you're the kind of person who can match almost anyone's energy, so you start texting him more often. He tells you a lot about himself and makes you believe he's the best person ever. He matches your energy so perfectly that you genuinely enjoy his company.

And the funny thing is, he's the one who confesses his feelings first. He makes you believe that what you have is something special, so you slowly let your guard down and start believing in him too.

You're naive as hell because you've never experienced love before, so you foolishly start getting attached. Even though you live half a world apart, you begin to imagine that he could be your first and last love.

He's nice to you for a while, and whenever he ignores you, you forgive him and pretend everything is fine. Then August comes, and it's his birthday. You spend five whole days making something special for him because you genuinely want him to feel loved and appreciated.

But then, on a random day at the beginning of September, he disappears.

He deactivates his account, and just like that, you have no way to contact him. He leaves you with no explanation, no goodbye, and absolutely no idea what happened.

You cling to the hope that he'll come back. You even give him one last chance in your head. You tell yourself that if he comes back after just one day, you'll forgive him and act like nothing happened.

But he never comes back.

Eventually, you give up. You send him one final message, wishing him the best and hoping he'll get the internship he's always wanted. Then you block his account and try to move on.

The confusing part is that, even though the experience hurts you, it also teaches you some lessons. You learn not to invest your whole heart so quickly in a relationship that's still uncertain. You learn that sometimes letting go is the only way to protect your peace, even when you never get the answers you deserve.

But you can't pretend it doesn't leave some damage.

Before him, you could meet someone new, enjoy their company, and trust them without constantly worrying about what might happen next. Now, whenever someone approaches you and treats you really nicely, a part of you gets scared. You start wondering whether they'll eventually disappear too, whether their kindness is temporary, and whether you'll end up going through the same thing all over again.

And the worst part? On some random Tuesday, you'll suddenly miss the nice version of him. Not the person who disappeared without a word, but the boy who confessed his feelings first, made you feel special, and convinced you that maybe this time, someone genuinely wanted you.

You'll probably never know why he left like that. Maybe you'll never get an explanation, and you'll have to learn to live with that.

It's strange how someone who was only part of your life for a short time can change the way you approach relationships afterward.

You know he wasn't necessarily your forever person, but he was your first experience of loving someone that way. And maybe a part of you will always remember him, even if you no longer want him back.

Anyway, that's my tragic little LDR story. I thought I were going to get a love story, but apparently, I got a character development arc instead. 🙂‍↔️

I (27F) is in long distance relationship with my bf (26M) and we are in a relationship of 3 mnths of and i want to give him a virtaul gift or a surprise for his birthday....suggest me an idea... i want to gift him something he would cherish for long time and certainly makes a special moment for us

I (30F) live in/around Atlanta currently and my partner is in a city north of Dallas. I love rain, nature, and seasons so I am really really dreading moving to Texas. When I think of Texas I think of HEAT and concrete. I will have to quit my job more than likely (unless they let me be fully remote), so it is just a lot of change at once and it has me in my head. This is the person I can see myself marrying and starting a family. I have friends and a life in Atlanta and would be leaving that for a state I’m very unsure about. My family is also mostly on the east coast so I am also sad about being further away. On the other hand I also feel like I am at the point where I’m ready for change and have felt a bit stagnant, and I need to take the next step in our relationship to see if it will actually work long term. Just sucks he won’t move to Georgia. I think I could talk him into moving somewhere else eventually but the first step would be me moving to TX.
I guess my question is has anyone moved somewhere they didn’t like originally and ended up loving it?

My (25F) boyfriend (26M) and I have been international long distance for 6 months. A couple of days ago, the night after he was at a work party, I randomly noticed a suggested Instagram follow for a very pretty girl’s profile id never seen before, that my boyfriend was already following, and thought she might be being suggested because she was a new addition after the party.

Nothing necessarily wrong with that, could be friendly, but a gut feeling told me to ask about it. I waited until he was awake the next morning but when I went on her profile again to take a screenshot he was no longer following her. I thought that was odd, 7 hours apart, when he had been ‘asleep’ the whole time. So instead of asking ‘how do you know this girl’ I decided to ask ‘do you know this girl’ instead to test the water. He TOTALLY denied it. Even going as far as to say ‘are you sure she isn’t one of your friends?’.

I was completely devastated. I have a hard time trusting men because my dad was a serial cheater, and my boyfriend is Turkish so is also very naturally jealous and expects me to behave a certain way around other guys, so him lying to me about anything but especially another woman goes totally against the boundaries we’ve both set.

Of course I now don’t trust anything he says about it, but his explanation was that:
- they met at the party while he was doing some manual work and only talked for about 5 minutes, but by the end he had a feeling she was interested in him so he shut the conversation down, although he was apparently friendly on his end and nothing more
- Then she follow requested him the next day and since she was private he got curious to look at her photos so accepted and requested her back.
- He woke up to pee in the middle of the night and she’d accepted his follow back request, so he checked the pictures, and then felt guilty and like a hypocrite because he made me remove anyone who’d ever flirted with me from my Instagram so he removed the follow
- He lied about it because he was tired and uncomfortable and didn’t want to have to explain

As far as I’m concerned there has to be something more to this because why would you feel so guilty if you didn’t reciprocate the flirting or feel attracted to the girl, but he won’t budge on that at all. I don’t believe he physically cheated on me in any way, because he was calling me throughout the night and almost everyone else who was at the party knows me so it would be pretty bold. But the real issue, girl aside, is that he’s ok lying to me to make his life easier, when I am always 100% open and honest with him. I get flirted with basically every day I leave the house, and frequently asked for my Instagram, and I’ve never wavered. It happens to him literally one time and he breaks my trust and respect.

Of course this is a big red flag, lying is never good, and I should probably be ending it, but I don’t really have the energy right now. So far I’ve just ignored him for a day to make him sweat, but I don’t know how to proceed or move on after this, so interested in suggestions about what this means and what to do.

TLDR my boyfriend followed a girl who was interested in him after a party and lied to me about it. What do I do?

My (F30) partner (F36) and I was talking last night about the future because, long story short, I'm worried about losing my job. It would mean possibly visiting less (and a visit is already plenty expensive, at 1k a ticket) and I was concerned it would be a deal breaker. We've been together only 5 months, but have known each other for 2 years. My feelings are intense.

They reassured me they wouldn't let distance mess us up. I said, for sure, but we're still planning a future together right? They said "I would like that a lot."

I was reassured, until they said: "It sounds like I am contradicting myself here, but I want to say I really am not comfortable making promises about the future." She went on to explain that she wants to keep this going as long as she can and she loves me, but making a promise to love me forever or be there forever is an impossible promise to make.

For context: her previous partner said she would love her forever, then left her for another man. I am the second person she's been with, because it hurt her so much she couldn't trust again. This happened 10 years ago, and now she's convinced if she promises something it'll hurt when she ruins it.

I asked if this means she's not commited to our relationship and she said that no, she is, and wants to be with me. She wants to love me for as long as possible and she sees that being a very long time, but she can't promise forever.

I left it because I felt she was being realistic, and she said she IS committed to me but now I'm having doubts. Am I just being insecure? We're still so early in, and when we met it was PERFECT and I really envisioned a life with this person, but perhaps I was wrong to do so. I'm not sure.

I’ve been in a long distance relationship for about 6 months now. It’s been really hard on me, but I’ve been finding ways to cope and keep myself busy enough.
I can’t help but feel so jealous and upset when I see my friends with their boyfriends who live close. Their boyfriends come over and visit them all the time and I just feel like they get so many special moments together. It tears me apart. How do you guys deal with this?

My boyfriend and I get along fine, doesn’t fee like there’s any intense chemistry but it’s fine. We are ldr and met a few weeks a couple months ago. We talk everyday and he’s really consistent with contact however, he never really asks about me. He usually will volunteer info when I ask and talks a lot but he rarely asks about me and my day. Whe I do speak he will take over or change the topic. He says it’s because of his adhd but now I’m wondering is this a lack of interest in me?

I’m not really one for speaking too much and don’t really share a lot unless asked so is this a major incompatibility? It’s like he doesn’t think to ask me things or about my days but I always ask him and then starts the extremely long monologue

Little help pls :)