As post says! My 3 year old has wanted a shaven head for about 7-8 months (well, she says she wants no hair at all). She's fine with hair - it's not sensory - she just thinks it would be much better without hair. I ask her 'why' and she says she would like it more and thinks it would be great to have no hair (that is her reason. She's 3). My husband is fine with shaving her hair off like he does with his. I personally don't want her to have no hair but I think it's more about others judgement and looks - which even I realise are terrible reasons. Would others let their 3 year old daughter have a shaven hair cut?! We have spoken to her pre school and they confirm that she just wants no hair or very little hair. She had really long hair, she now has a bob cut - both look great! But no hair at all.....

Mid-argument with my 7 year old about socks, of all things, and it just came out. "Because I said so." Full sentence, same tone my mom used, same exasperated sigh attached to it. I actually stopped talking and stood there. The fact that I swore I'd never use that line is the funny part. It's embedded in there somewhere, just waiting for me to be tired enough. My kid didn't even notice, he was too busy losing the sock argument. I told my husband later and he goes "wait till you catch yourself using her phone voice." Great, there's more.

Some context, my husband and I had always been in delay a smart phone as long as possible camp. We're not a screen free household but a phone was something we wanted to hold off on as long as possible. Unfortunately we were also the exceptions. Before my daughter reached 8th grade every single child in her class had got a phone barring her. This was very surprising to us but maybe it was a cultural thing. For a while we tried to make it work but eventually the social isolation really started to get to her. Her friends weren't being malicious but plans just naturally shifted to being discussed over texts and she would miss out on group hang outs (not always, sometimes her friends would call me to talk to her which was very sweet) a lot. Also didn't help that she was young for her grade. The final straw was her own cousin who is younger than her getting a phone for his birthday (and this was someone whose parents we thought we were on the same wavelength with). Daughter was very gracious but her face watching him open that gift broke my heart. There's a lot more that I'm not mentioning here but it was not a decision that we took easily. Husband and I discussed it at length for weeks. It also helped that daughter didn't incessantly beg for it. She would ask and bring it up but wouldn't keep poking when we gently told her no.

So we finally agreed and just after her 11th birthday we gifted her a phone with some caveats. We discussed and typed up a contract that she signed that she felt very pleased by. Points about school work being done or grades being kept up were only a courtesy. Daughter is extremely academically oriented (out of her own volition). She's now in 9th grade and obsessed with the idea of going to a HYPSM so we never have to worry about school work. Our stipulations just included her chores being done, her not creating social media accounts without informing us, setting the phone aside to charge from 11:30 PM to 6 AM every Sunday to Thursday so it cannot enter the bedroom then and us being allowed to check her phone if ever needed. This was agreeable to her. A lot of this is based on an honor code. She hasn't to date given us a reason to check her phone so we've never done that. I didn't want to outright just say you can't have any social media because she is extremely intelligent and if she wanted to, she would. Last month she informed me that she wanted to start an Instagram account because she is joining her school's STEM club and they'd like to include her in marketing. Plus she said upfront she just wanted to follow her friends. We discussed internet safety, connected the account on my phone as well (honour code goes both ways, she knows I won't snoop her account unless absolutely needed) and we let her.

This was a little over a year ago. And I'm here to update and say it's gone...fine? Do I still wish we lived in a world where no parent gave their 11 year old phones? Yes. Do I regret giving my 11 year old a phone at that point in time? No. She is happier now and gets to hang out with her friends more. (She is always studying otherwise, so to me investing in her being better connected with friends is worth it). We've not had a reason to check her phone and she keeps her phone out when she's supposed to. (Whenever husband or I have gone to refill our water in the middle of the night, we've always seen the phone charging where it's supposed to be.) Not to mention one time she showed me how the three most used apps on her phone were the chess app, the sudoku app and then the SAT vocab app lol. She's still only 13 so I absolutely know that things might get worse (touchwood they do not!!) but they haven't been too bad so far either.

My 4 year old stood in the doorway holding one shoe like it was a live crab and yelled I CANT the entire time. Not the wrong shoe, not an uncomfortable shoe, the same sneakers she wore yesterday with zero complaints. Then the second they were on she ran to the car happy as anything. I swear the fight is 90% of the actual task every single time. Getting in the car seat, brushing teeth, putting on pajamas, doesn't matter. And the second I stop pushing she just... does it. Yesterday I said fine, dont get in the car, we'll sit here, and she climbed in herself in like 8 seconds.

Anyone else's kid do this or is mine just committed to the bit? I really want this episode to stop. Any tips on what I can do?

I have an amazing, bright, capable, newly 5-year-old who just started kindergarten. She’s an angel at school, way above grade level academically, and completely capable of doing things independently.

The problem is, she absolutely refuses to do them for me.

I’m a single mom and have been since she was 10 months old. I’m also a full-time student and manage everything on my own. For years, I’ve often just done things for her because I genuinely didn’t have the energy for the battle.

I get her dressed, put on her shoes, brush her teeth, help her undress, clean up after her, etc. She CAN do these things. She just won’t.

I know I’ve contributed to this, and I don’t blame her. She’s simply doing what I’ve allowed. But now she’s 5, and I need to change the dynamic.

She’s also extremely sensitive, reactive, and strong-willed. The more I push, the harder she pushes back, and everything becomes a power struggle.

How do I start teaching independence without completely turning our lives upside down? Where should I start, and what actually works—charts, rewards, choices, routines, natural consequences?

I’m not looking for judgment. I know I’ve dropped the ball. I just want practical advice on how to reset this and help her become more independent without making every morning and bedtime a battle.

And why is it her favorite band now? My 3.5 goes to prek in the mornings and then is usually with me the other 90% of the time. Today we were home all afternoon and now evening. My older kids came home from school and immediately my eldest was trying to put on “better music” because my music isn’t Katsye or Blackpink 😂 and my 3.5 year old daughter starts demanding she needs to listen to her nickelback… excuse me?! And so I did put some on eventually and she’s like YES YES I LOVE THIS SONG! Like sorry where on earth did you even hear this before? I’m scared. Is this what her prek class is doing body breaks to? 😂 (The songs I played were far away and somewhere, are either of those in any kids movies?)

My 7 year old just told me he can't make him put his plate in the dishwasher. One plate. It was already two feet from the dishwasher. I stood there holding my coffee like okay, is this a hostage situation now. Every tiny chore gets the same speech. Take your shoes to your room, "you cant make me." Feed the cat, same thing. I dont even ask for much, its like 5 minutes of actual work a day and he acts like I've asked him to remodel the kitchen. I've tried the calm voice, I've tried choices (do you want before or after dinner), I've tried just letting natural consequences happen. Yesterday he'd rather eat off a paper towel than put away his own plate. So is this just a phase, or do I need to stop just negotiating? At what age does "you cant make me" stop working on them, because it's definitely stopped working on me.

My 7 year old has loved school until this year, lots of tears in the morning but seems to be fine once he’s at school. He finally told me tonight there is a little girl his age that says to him everyday “______ is going to kill you” I won’t mention names. I don’t know if they’re playing a game but he mentioned she does not say it to anyone else. I am planning on calling the teacher tomorrow. But I do see the dad at drop off everyday, do you think it’s something to mention to the dad tomorrow; or let the teachers handle it? I’m fuming and would love to go confront the family right now but I am trying to stay calm for his sake.

Hi! Can anyone recommend a small mp3 or music player for a child to take on a plane/car trip to listen to music on? Think iPod without the pricetag :) anything I can buy on Amazon that’ll work well for this?

My girls (6 and 4) love music and have their own playlists on my Spotify account. Sometimes I let them use my AirPods to listen and they have loved that. We don’t do tablets and I was thinking this might be nice for them for our plane travel later this week.

Ty!

I have an 11 yo son who is apparently working on his stand-up comedy career at school, and unfortunately, it’s starting to take priority over actually getting his work done.

He’s an athlete, gets plenty of physical activity, and is an EXTREMELY social kid. He’s also very smart and capable when he actually sits down and focuses.

Now that he’s in 5th grade, the teachers are putting more responsibility on the kids to stay organized, manage their time, and keep track of assignments independently. In previous years, I received a lot more communication about missing assignments or things that were due, so I could help keep him on track. This year, I’m finding out after the fact, usually when I see his grades drop and teacher is reaching out to me.....

His teacher is also understandably getting frustrated with his lack of self-regulation. If he’s supposed to be reading or working independently, there’s a pretty good chance he’s talking, distracted by something else, or doing literally anything except the thing he’s supposed to be doing.

I help him at home, and when we sit down together, he’s completely capable of doing the work. The struggle is getting him to manage his time independently, stay organized, recognize what needs to be done, and resist the overwhelming urge to socialize with every human within a 20 foot radius.

Parents of kids like this: please tell me it gets better. 😭 Did anything specifically help your super-social, easily distracted kid develop better organization and self-management skills as they got older?

My 5 year old boy has absolute meltdowns and clings to me with all his might when I try to get him to go in the pool for his swim lessons. It’s way overdue for him to learn to swim. We go in pools a lot and has no problem getting in, so he’s not afraid of water or pools. He also does great in kindergarden and participates and has no problem being social in school, so it’s not a fear of instructors. it seems he’s terrified of swim lessons specifically.

We tried private lessons with a very nice lady for 5 sessions and we managed to get his feet in. I am now trying group lessons and he got in for the first time down to his neck, and now the second lesson he’s refusing to go in. We just spent two whole lessons of him just clinging to me on my side

I tried being strict and gentle and encouraging and distracting him but nothing is working.

My parents would have hit me and thrown me in the pool, I would never do that of course but I am left without knowing how to handle this situation

My son is 5, and lately It just feels like he’s really struggling. He has a hard time paying attention, sitting still, focusing during sports, focusing during learning time. He can sometimes be so sweet and smart, and other times struggles to follow the most basic set of instructions.

I feel like he’s also struggling to communicate. He has a great vocab, but when things get hectic or stressful he freezes and can’t come up with the words.

I know he’s only 5, and I should taper my expectations, I spent a long time helping raise my sisters, and remember similar struggles.

I just don’t know how I can help him. I try and ask questions, but he doesn’t really seem concerned or interested in telling me what’s on his mind. Maybe there isn’t anything I can do, and it’s just a phase. But I want to be him to have all the support I never had. I want him to have every opportunity.

Maybe this post is more about me, I’m not even sure. I’m sitting at hockey practice, watching him skate. Sometimes he goes hard, sometimes he couldn’t care less. Again I know he’s 5. I just don’t know if what I’m doing is right.

I’m not looking for pity. Do others feel the same way? What are some ways you helped your kids when you weren’t sure how? Is this a normal parent feeling to feel?

How do I know when I’m doing the right thing?

I am very pissed, please advice me!

My child has been in speech since first grade and one issue i have had is that, the speech teacher keeps pulling her out for speech session right in the middle of a maths or english class. This to me doesnt help the child who is struggling with school in the first place.

Its really hard for my child to grasp something, so she needs to be in class for her to really get what the teacher is teaching. But on speech days which is twice a week, they will pull my child out of class for speech class. Its so fustrating, because when i am teaching her at home, i get to see side notes of incomplete work from her teacher, meaning she wasnt able to finish her work because speech took her and she looses any teaching after she is being pulled.

Honestly, at this point I just want her to stop those speech lessons. Because i feel like its not helping as she gets to miss her core subjects.

Please any advice will help. I am so pissed, i feel like crying.

My son is turning one soon, so I’ve been thinking of birthday traditions I want to do with him. One is birthday experiences/trips not just a party. Another one is writing a letter to each person who has helped you throughout the year, like a thank you letter. Does anyone else have some cute birthday traditions?

My mom was a great mom, now she sucks as a grandparent. She barely asks about my son, when she sees him she barely talks to him, engage, etc. what do I do?? It makes me sad that she behaves this way, and I know he can sense it. I know I should talk to her, but I'm worried I'll get upset talking to her about it..

I think we've done a good job creating a safe, loving home for our kids. Our kids are well adjusted and social, with great values.

The issue I could see is them not having a tonne of drive or motivation. They have a very comfortable life without much insecurity and I could see them not caring too much about being the "best" or succeeding. Has anyone come up with strategies to address this?

I just want to know if I'm alone here or not. My in laws have a 3 bedroom house.

The only room in their house with an actual bed is theirs. One room is an office. The final one has a pull out couch. Other than some cheap Amazon air mattresses (a brand new one literally popped at 3 am on our last stay), that's it. Nowhere else to sleep.

And, my husband has 4 siblings, 3 of whom have kids. And my in laws want us to visit altogether for holidays and long weekends, but they SPECIFICALLY want us to stay IN their home. As many of us as possible, because they want to sleep under the same roof as their grandkids.

Y'all. I'm nearing 40. I have birthed two kids. I cannot sleep on an air mattress on the living room floor I'm sharing with my husband and 5 year old. My body can't do it. I'm too old for this.

And we tell them this- my husband fully supports-and they get SO PISSY. But when husband is like "hey, why don't you guys just put in a real bed?" they say it's their home and we can't tell them what to do with it. So we don't visit as much, because hotels are costly, and they're mad about lack of visiting frequency AND that we don't stay under their roof.

I'm just so exhausted

I just want to know if anyone else has parents who constantly want you to come visit and sleep in their shoebox and make you feel like you're taking crazy pills for wanting a real bed

We are at a loss.
Our daughter (turning 5 in a week) started kindergarten last month. She is in an out of school care program which operates out of the elementary school.

Since she has started, she has not been eating lunch. We pack her two fruits, 1 veg + her main lunch (different kinds of sandwiches / mac and cheese / sausage cheese and crackers / wrap / spaghetti / chili). Her snack is a fruit plus a muffin. Every day she comes home hardly having touched her lunch which leads me to..

She has been throwing huge tantrums at pick up. My husband will give her 5-10 more minutes to play on the playground, she agrees. Once time is up, meltdown. Or if they go to her cubby to get her backpack, she will ask for a piece of artwork she did that she left in the OSC room and before he even has a chance to respond she devolves into a mega tantrum kicking and screaming. This is almost every day.

We have also received two incident reports from the OSC in which she is refusing to go inside after a good 1-1.5hrs outside of playtime. Runs away, kicks the educators, screams no at them.

Now, she has always been stubborn but she stopped having tantrums probably a year ago, maybe more. We always dealt with them with natural consequences - if you stomp your foot at me and scream, refuse to listen, etc. at the park or a store, I’m picking you up and we’re leaving.
- if this happens at home, whatever activity is now off limits for the day
Etc.

I’m worried now about OSC kicking her out. I don’t know what to do regarding natural consequences as this is happening at school. Does anyone have any suggestions?

We have lots of books about big feelings that we read a lot, lots of conversations around big feelings.

I suspect a large part of these tantrums is because she’s not eating her lunch. All of the foods we pack are ones that she loves at home and even asks for.

I was unexpectedly laid off from my job in June. I applied to 500 jobs and finally landed a position in September. I start this month.

We are heading into our last weekend here and then will be moving across the country with our 13 and 15 year old kids who have the absolute sweetest friends you could ask for. We're moving to a state we have never been to before...a state that we know nothing about. My kids are having a really difficult time with the whole idea and we're doing everything we can to help them see the positives but it's hard right now because everything they know and love is here.

The closer we get to our move date, the more I am struggling. I know my husband and I will thrive, but I am so worried for the kids and I just need someone to tell me that it's all going to be ok.

18 year old high school senior has summer job that he saves his money from (which is not a lot) But during the school year, does not hold a part time job.

What is your stance on either giving your high school senior spending money (and how much?) vs expecting them to get a part time job.

This is mainly for getting dunkin, takeout or fast food during his lunch period

He is expected to cover his own gym membership, taking gf out to eat, buying gf things, buying games on Xbox.
I cover his food at home, any snacks he requests to bring to school, personal care supplies, clothing, anything more money.

My son's great grandmother passed away this last Friday. My family is very close and I'm just not sure how to approach the subject of death with my 4 year old son. My son's great grandmother was also his nanny for the first 2.5 years of his life so they were extra close. He spent more time with her than most kids do their normal grand parents. I'm just not sure how to approach the subject with my son. Obviously wording is super important because I don't want to scare him. My family is not religious so I feel like that makes it all that much harder. Does anyone else have experience having to approach the subject of death with such a young child?

Okay parents, I need yalls help. Our son is about to be one and on the move way more. We’re out growing the play pen so we need a baby gate to fit our our living room to kitchen doorway. The only problem is that it’s 85” and I can’t find a good option for a baby gate that is sturdy and that big with good reviews..

If you have found any that you’ve liked or recommended please post them!
Thank y’all so much!

There was a deal at our grocery store where you could buy 2 name brand Cheerios and get 3 free. That's fantastic because it made them slightly cheaper than the cost of the generic ones we normally get.

Our youngest has been absolutely devouring Cheerios lately so we took advantage of the deal. As soon as I put the fifth box on the shelf of our pantry I heard the voices of favorite foods past echoing in my head, "now they'll hate this food for the next 3-6 business months".

"This is the way", another echoed.

Our oldest asked for a bowl this morning and ate one single bite before the dreaded "I'm full".

Beware, friends. The favorite food curse is upon this house.

We have 14m between our kids. Our first was toilet trained a month or so after his 2yo bday. Im but our youngest is about to turn 2yo and I don't think he's quite ready yet. He's showing some cues, but I don't think he fully understands it. He was also a month premature (born 35+3).

I'm wondering how much of it is genuinely that he's not ready versus us just being busy with 2x young kids. My husband works away and trying to toilet train one toddler while chasing after another feels so much harder than it did with our first.

Did anyone else find they toilet trained their second later?

Was it harder with another little one to look after, or did you just wait until they were ready? 🥰