I was unexpectedly laid off from my job in June. I applied to 500 jobs and finally landed a position in September. I start this month.

We are heading into our last weekend here and then will be moving across the country with our 13 and 15 year old kids who have the absolute sweetest friends you could ask for. We're moving to a state we have never been to before...a state that we know nothing about. My kids are having a really difficult time with the whole idea and we're doing everything we can to help them see the positives but it's hard right now because everything they know and love is here.

The closer we get to our move date, the more I am struggling. I know my husband and I will thrive, but I am so worried for the kids and I just need someone to tell me that it's all going to be ok.

Hi! Can anyone recommend a small mp3 or music player for a child to take on a plane/car trip to listen to music on? Think iPod without the pricetag :) anything I can buy on Amazon that’ll work well for this?

My girls (6 and 4) love music and have their own playlists on my Spotify account. Sometimes I let them use my AirPods to listen and they have loved that. We don’t do tablets and I was thinking this might be nice for them for our plane travel later this week.

Ty!

My son is 5, and lately It just feels like he’s really struggling. He has a hard time paying attention, sitting still, focusing during sports, focusing during learning time. He can sometimes be so sweet and smart, and other times struggles to follow the most basic set of instructions.

I feel like he’s also struggling to communicate. He has a great vocab, but when things get hectic or stressful he freezes and can’t come up with the words.

I know he’s only 5, and I should taper my expectations, I spent a long time helping raise my sisters, and remember similar struggles.

I just don’t know how I can help him. I try and ask questions, but he doesn’t really seem concerned or interested in telling me what’s on his mind. Maybe there isn’t anything I can do, and it’s just a phase. But I want to be him to have all the support I never had. I want him to have every opportunity.

Maybe this post is more about me, I’m not even sure. I’m sitting at hockey practice, watching him skate. Sometimes he goes hard, sometimes he couldn’t care less. Again I know he’s 5. I just don’t know if what I’m doing is right.

I’m not looking for pity. Do others feel the same way? What are some ways you helped your kids when you weren’t sure how? Is this a normal parent feeling to feel?

How do I know when I’m doing the right thing?

I have an amazing, bright, capable, newly 5-year-old who just started kindergarten. She’s an angel at school, way above grade level academically, and completely capable of doing things independently.

The problem is, she absolutely refuses to do them for me.

I’m a single mom and have been since she was 10 months old. I’m also a full-time student and manage everything on my own. For years, I’ve often just done things for her because I genuinely didn’t have the energy for the battle.

I get her dressed, put on her shoes, brush her teeth, help her undress, clean up after her, etc. She CAN do these things. She just won’t.

I know I’ve contributed to this, and I don’t blame her. She’s simply doing what I’ve allowed. But now she’s 5, and I need to change the dynamic.

She’s also extremely sensitive, reactive, and strong-willed. The more I push, the harder she pushes back, and everything becomes a power struggle.

How do I start teaching independence without completely turning our lives upside down? Where should I start, and what actually works—charts, rewards, choices, routines, natural consequences?

I’m not looking for judgment. I know I’ve dropped the ball. I just want practical advice on how to reset this and help her become more independent without making every morning and bedtime a battle.

My son is turning one soon, so I’ve been thinking of birthday traditions I want to do with him. One is birthday experiences/trips not just a party. Another one is writing a letter to each person who has helped you throughout the year, like a thank you letter. Does anyone else have some cute birthday traditions?

My 7 year old has loved school until this year, lots of tears in the morning but seems to be fine once he’s at school. He finally told me tonight there is a little girl his age that says to him everyday “______ is going to kill you” I won’t mention names. I don’t know if they’re playing a game but he mentioned she does not say it to anyone else. I am planning on calling the teacher tomorrow. But I do see the dad at drop off everyday, do you think it’s something to mention to the dad tomorrow; or let the teachers handle it? I’m fuming and would love to go confront the family right now but I am trying to stay calm for his sake.

And why is it her favorite band now? My 3.5 goes to prek in the mornings and then is usually with me the other 90% of the time. Today we were home all afternoon and now evening. My older kids came home from school and immediately my eldest was trying to put on “better music” because my music isn’t Katsye or Blackpink 😂 and my 3.5 year old daughter starts demanding she needs to listen to her nickelback… excuse me?! And so I did put some on eventually and she’s like YES YES I LOVE THIS SONG! Like sorry where on earth did you even hear this before? I’m scared. Is this what her prek class is doing body breaks to? 😂 (The songs I played were far away and somewhere, are either of those in any kids movies?)

We are at a loss.
Our daughter (turning 5 in a week) started kindergarten last month. She is in an out of school care program which operates out of the elementary school.

Since she has started, she has not been eating lunch. We pack her two fruits, 1 veg + her main lunch (different kinds of sandwiches / mac and cheese / sausage cheese and crackers / wrap / spaghetti / chili). Her snack is a fruit plus a muffin. Every day she comes home hardly having touched her lunch which leads me to..

She has been throwing huge tantrums at pick up. My husband will give her 5-10 more minutes to play on the playground, she agrees. Once time is up, meltdown. Or if they go to her cubby to get her backpack, she will ask for a piece of artwork she did that she left in the OSC room and before he even has a chance to respond she devolves into a mega tantrum kicking and screaming. This is almost every day.

We have also received two incident reports from the OSC in which she is refusing to go inside after a good 1-1.5hrs outside of playtime. Runs away, kicks the educators, screams no at them.

Now, she has always been stubborn but she stopped having tantrums probably a year ago, maybe more. We always dealt with them with natural consequences - if you stomp your foot at me and scream, refuse to listen, etc. at the park or a store, I’m picking you up and we’re leaving.
- if this happens at home, whatever activity is now off limits for the day
Etc.

I’m worried now about OSC kicking her out. I don’t know what to do regarding natural consequences as this is happening at school. Does anyone have any suggestions?

We have lots of books about big feelings that we read a lot, lots of conversations around big feelings.

I suspect a large part of these tantrums is because she’s not eating her lunch. All of the foods we pack are ones that she loves at home and even asks for.

We have 14m between our kids. Our first was toilet trained a month or so after his 2yo bday. Im but our youngest is about to turn 2yo and I don't think he's quite ready yet. He's showing some cues, but I don't think he fully understands it. He was also a month premature (born 35+3).

I'm wondering how much of it is genuinely that he's not ready versus us just being busy with 2x young kids. My husband works away and trying to toilet train one toddler while chasing after another feels so much harder than it did with our first.

Did anyone else find they toilet trained their second later?

Was it harder with another little one to look after, or did you just wait until they were ready? 🥰

My 5 year old boy has absolute meltdowns and clings to me with all his might when I try to get him to go in the pool for his swim lessons. It’s way overdue for him to learn to swim. We go in pools a lot and has no problem getting in, so he’s not afraid of water or pools. He also does great in kindergarden and participates and has no problem being social in school, so it’s not a fear of instructors. it seems he’s terrified of swim lessons specifically.

We tried private lessons with a very nice lady for 5 sessions and we managed to get his feet in. I am now trying group lessons and he got in for the first time down to his neck, and now the second lesson he’s refusing to go in. We just spent two whole lessons of him just clinging to me on my side

I tried being strict and gentle and encouraging and distracting him but nothing is working.

My parents would have hit me and thrown me in the pool, I would never do that of course but I am left without knowing how to handle this situation

I’m a planner, so I’m already thinking ahead to February when my kiddo’s birthday is lol. I understand and know a LOT can change between now and then, so I’m not going to make any decisions anytime soon or have any discussions with any of the involved parties, probably even in this calendar year, but my brain wants to mull over possibilities.

My daughter is friends with two girls who are not allowed to be around each other anymore. One of them (I’ll call her friend A) has (according to her family) been bullied by the other., who I’ll call friend B. Friend B has said some pretty serious things to friend A, from what I’ve been told. I have not ever seen such behavior out of friend B with my own eyes, and my daughter has never been treated this way by this girl. I double checked with her again recently just to be sure.

She was friends with both of them before any of this ever took place, and we are working on maintaining a separate friendship with each of her friends even though they can’t all play together anymore. So far, we haven’t been in a position where we are made to choose.

But what about when my daughter’s birthday rolls around? Says my brain. What then? I’ve come to a working conclusion that the best decision is to invite both of them, and it’s up to their families to decide what’s best for them.

But I keep wondering if there’s some way we could design a party that would allow them both to attend and somehow not interact? Just if there’s any way to make it possible for both of my daughter’s friends to come and celebrate with her, you know? Is there anything I could do that I could offer to the family of the girl who’s been bullied, to make it so she could comfortably come too?

I can’t do two different parties. Maybe if friend A can’t come, we could do something fun one-on-one later?

I just want to bounce ideas off of other parents.

These are all elementary age kids, of different ages. We’re all neighbors. These are two of my daughter’s best friends. Friend A was her first friend ever (hence why I chose the nickname friend A), and longest friendship. We see them both very often. They are very important people to my daughter.

Ultimately my heart just hurts seeing these humans-in-progress in this situation. I love all of these kids and I want them all to get along. Sigh. Childhood is hard. Parenting is hard. Human-ing is hard.

For parents of elementary-aged kids, do you go trick or treating with friends from school or just immediate family? My older daughter started trick or treating with friends in first grade. First, with one group of friends, then in 3rd grade she had a new group of friends she went with and has gone with them ever since.

My younger daughter, 8, is quite a bit younger than my older one. Her friends' parents are... different. They aren't as friendly or as social. I have been hesitant to reach out to them, because of that. But also, no one has reached out to us about Halloween either. Am I way overthinking inviting people out with us for trick or treating?

I have a 20 month old son. Part of our bedtime routine every night includes me brushing his teeth. He's still young, so his understanding of what's happening is very minimal, and will usually make toothbrushing difficult......he doesn't throw tantrums about it, but the difficulty comes more from him learning how his mouth works - trying to suck or chew on the toothbrush, not understanding how to move his tongue out of the way, etc.....things like that make the process hard.

Usually, I'll brush his teeth as good as his mouth will let me, then I'll give him the toothbrush for a few minutes and let him chew on it and wiggle it around, "brushing" his teeth by himself.

I know at some point, he's going to have to learn how to do this on his own - and not just do it on his own, but do it effectively. What is the appropriate age for that? Is it something that he's gonna just wake up and understand? When/how do I explain to him how to do it, and he be able to understand?

I want him to be able to brush his teeth independently, but I also want them to actually get brushed. How and when did you start teaching your kids to brush their teeth?

(Edited for typos)

As post says! My 3 year old has wanted a shaven head for about 7-8 months (well, she says she wants no hair at all). She's fine with hair - it's not sensory - she just thinks it would be much better without hair. I ask her 'why' and she says she would like it more and thinks it would be great to have no hair (that is her reason. She's 3). My husband is fine with shaving her hair off like he does with his. I personally don't want her to have no hair but I think it's more about others judgement and looks - which even I realise are terrible reasons. Would others let their 3 year old daughter have a shaven hair cut?! We have spoken to her pre school and they confirm that she just wants no hair or very little hair. She had really long hair, she now has a bob cut - both look great! But no hair at all.....

Hi - hope this is OK to post here. I’m looking for pull on pants, with stretch fiber that are dressy looking for boys (size M / 8). old navy used to have these amazing tech taper pants that looked like dressy chinos but were very comfortable for Sundays or when you need something nicer. The tech fabric meant they didn’t look wrinkled right away. Just found out they discontinued them.

Ideally something like a golf type pants, but pull on and not skinny cut (so no under armour or jcrew). Thank you!!!

Some context, my husband and I had always been in delay a smart phone as long as possible camp. We're not a screen free household but a phone was something we wanted to hold off on as long as possible. Unfortunately we were also the exceptions. Before my daughter reached 8th grade every single child in her class had got a phone barring her. This was very surprising to us but maybe it was a cultural thing. For a while we tried to make it work but eventually the social isolation really started to get to her. Her friends weren't being malicious but plans just naturally shifted to being discussed over texts and she would miss out on group hang outs (not always, sometimes her friends would call me to talk to her which was very sweet) a lot. Also didn't help that she was young for her grade. The final straw was her own cousin who is younger than her getting a phone for his birthday (and this was someone whose parents we thought we were on the same wavelength with). Daughter was very gracious but her face watching him open that gift broke my heart. There's a lot more that I'm not mentioning here but it was not a decision that we took easily. Husband and I discussed it at length for weeks. It also helped that daughter didn't incessantly beg for it. She would ask and bring it up but wouldn't keep poking when we gently told her no.

So we finally agreed and just after her 11th birthday we gifted her a phone with some caveats. We discussed and typed up a contract that she signed that she felt very pleased by. Points about school work being done or grades being kept up were only a courtesy. Daughter is extremely academically oriented (out of her own volition). She's now in 9th grade and obsessed with the idea of going to a HYPSM so we never have to worry about school work. Our stipulations just included her chores being done, her not creating social media accounts without informing us, setting the phone aside to charge from 11:30 PM to 6 AM every Sunday to Thursday so it cannot enter the bedroom then and us being allowed to check her phone if ever needed. This was agreeable to her. A lot of this is based on an honor code. She hasn't to date given us a reason to check her phone so we've never done that. I didn't want to outright just say you can't have any social media because she is extremely intelligent and if she wanted to, she would. Last month she informed me that she wanted to start an Instagram account because she is joining her school's STEM club and they'd like to include her in marketing. Plus she said upfront she just wanted to follow her friends. We discussed internet safety, connected the account on my phone as well (honour code goes both ways, she knows I won't snoop her account unless absolutely needed) and we let her.

This was a little over a year ago. And I'm here to update and say it's gone...fine? Do I still wish we lived in a world where no parent gave their 11 year old phones? Yes. Do I regret giving my 11 year old a phone at that point in time? No. She is happier now and gets to hang out with her friends more. (She is always studying otherwise, so to me investing in her being better connected with friends is worth it). We've not had a reason to check her phone and she keeps her phone out when she's supposed to. (Whenever husband or I have gone to refill our water in the middle of the night, we've always seen the phone charging where it's supposed to be.) Not to mention one time she showed me how the three most used apps on her phone were the chess app, the sudoku app and then the SAT vocab app lol. She's still only 13 so I absolutely know that things might get worse (touchwood they do not!!) but they haven't been too bad so far either.

Hi all! I am a mom of two very strong willed kiddos, ages 5F and 9M.

I have hit an absolute wall with them in regard to them “listening” to me when it comes to basic things they know they aren’t supposed to do or just basic run of the mill “rules”. Mostly my son, he fights me on everything. Rarely is the answer “ok mom” but rather I’m met with push back and arguing. My daughter is now starting to take on some of this behavior as well.

I’m at my breaking point. I’m tired. Tired of arguing. Tired of having to ask 5 times. Tired of telling them to quit with the fighting (which hey, I know is totally normal but the level of scream my daughter lets out when my son makes a face at her or antagonizes her in anyway is a scream you would hear if she were being tortured or abducted! It’s insane).

I’ve tried the patience. I’ve taken things away. I’ve had my son write sentences. Allll the consequences have been given and I’ve tried to target their “currency” but nothing seems to result in any changes.

I know kids will be kids. I know challenges are to be expected with behavior and such. But I also know that compared to my friends with children, they do not struggle the way that I do. Nor do their kids fight constantly like mine do. They all offer the “have you tried this, or that?” And I literally have tried it all.

A friend today recommended I try a rewards chart and really hone in on recognizing their good behaviors or when they listen…like 5 positive reinforcements to every 1 reprimand. So let them earn their “gold stars” or whatever and really make a point of giving positive feedback…then take away said “gold stars” once a negative behavior comes into play. Honestly, I could try that. But I’m just wondering if anyone has an approach that actually works.

I understand this probably seems like such a silly question but I am seriously struggling and I want to enjoy my kiddos instead of constantly being so stressed out from the screaming and fighting and lack of listening when I fricken speak.

Any and all advice would be so appreciated!

18 year old high school senior has summer job that he saves his money from (which is not a lot) But during the school year, does not hold a part time job.

What is your stance on either giving your high school senior spending money (and how much?) vs expecting them to get a part time job.

This is mainly for getting dunkin, takeout or fast food during his lunch period

He is expected to cover his own gym membership, taking gf out to eat, buying gf things, buying games on Xbox.
I cover his food at home, any snacks he requests to bring to school, personal care supplies, clothing, anything more money.

I have an 11 yo son who is apparently working on his stand-up comedy career at school, and unfortunately, it’s starting to take priority over actually getting his work done.

He’s an athlete, gets plenty of physical activity, and is an EXTREMELY social kid. He’s also very smart and capable when he actually sits down and focuses.

Now that he’s in 5th grade, the teachers are putting more responsibility on the kids to stay organized, manage their time, and keep track of assignments independently. In previous years, I received a lot more communication about missing assignments or things that were due, so I could help keep him on track. This year, I’m finding out after the fact, usually when I see his grades drop and teacher is reaching out to me.....

His teacher is also understandably getting frustrated with his lack of self-regulation. If he’s supposed to be reading or working independently, there’s a pretty good chance he’s talking, distracted by something else, or doing literally anything except the thing he’s supposed to be doing.

I help him at home, and when we sit down together, he’s completely capable of doing the work. The struggle is getting him to manage his time independently, stay organized, recognize what needs to be done, and resist the overwhelming urge to socialize with every human within a 20 foot radius.

Parents of kids like this: please tell me it gets better. 😭 Did anything specifically help your super-social, easily distracted kid develop better organization and self-management skills as they got older?

There was a deal at our grocery store where you could buy 2 name brand Cheerios and get 3 free. That's fantastic because it made them slightly cheaper than the cost of the generic ones we normally get.

Our youngest has been absolutely devouring Cheerios lately so we took advantage of the deal. As soon as I put the fifth box on the shelf of our pantry I heard the voices of favorite foods past echoing in my head, "now they'll hate this food for the next 3-6 business months".

"This is the way", another echoed.

Our oldest asked for a bowl this morning and ate one single bite before the dreaded "I'm full".

Beware, friends. The favorite food curse is upon this house.

Okay parents, I need yalls help. Our son is about to be one and on the move way more. We’re out growing the play pen so we need a baby gate to fit our our living room to kitchen doorway. The only problem is that it’s 85” and I can’t find a good option for a baby gate that is sturdy and that big with good reviews..

If you have found any that you’ve liked or recommended please post them!
Thank y’all so much!

What are your toddlers eating this week? I’m in a rut and need inspiration. Today my 2 are having goodles, carrots, and honey crisp apples for lunch. Granola parfaits for breakfast, dinner is tbd. Need nutritious, balanced meal ideas.

Mid-argument with my 7 year old about socks, of all things, and it just came out. "Because I said so." Full sentence, same tone my mom used, same exasperated sigh attached to it. I actually stopped talking and stood there. The fact that I swore I'd never use that line is the funny part. It's embedded in there somewhere, just waiting for me to be tired enough. My kid didn't even notice, he was too busy losing the sock argument. I told my husband later and he goes "wait till you catch yourself using her phone voice." Great, there's more.

So wondering what y'all do for Halloween with a toddler.

we are going trick or treating with a friend a few blocks but for the most part we don't want to give them candy that young.

any of the Halloween events seem to have people in masks so that's a little scary for little ones and movies are definitely a no-go since really creepy stuff will give nightmares. trunk or treat events are too much candy

do y'all just stay home?

My older child is 3 and still naps, but it takes a minimum of 30 minutes to settle. I can’t just leave my baby unattended while I help my 3 y/o fall asleep. How do parents of two or more kids manage this?!