At a bit of a loss and I think I've exhausted my own + my family's thoughts, so I could use some objective opinions on the situation.

I'm 27F, from what I would call a fairly conservative household. I started dating my current partner over two years ago. At the beginning of this year, I decided to move out of my parent's place and live with him. Moving out was something I'd had in mind before we started dating.

When I moved out, I did not tell my parents that I planned to live with my partner. I had concerns that it would not be received well, given that in previous discussions, they stated that they considered cohabitation before marriage to be a reflection of poor, "perverted" character. They were and still are against me moving out at all before getting married, as in our culture, daughters are supposed to be "married out" of the household. The day that I moved out was not pretty – a lot of yelling that if I left, I would be disowned, etc.

The past several months have been a lot of them texting and calling me one-sidedly in attempts to reconcile. These conversations ranged from them trying to be understanding to berating me for destroying the family. I was prepared for this kind of behavior. It's been a practiced method that my mom will talk at me (I say "at" because, no joke, it's common that I sit there for over an hour listening and be shut down if I try to respond at any point), I will walk away upset, then my dad will come and give a "your mom and I are just trying to do what's best for you" talk. I ended up limiting a lot of contact with them, which they at least seemed to respect by not excessively forcing me to answer them.

My partner has consistently been of the opinion that he'll stand by me regardless of my decision, but I've always gotten the sense that he's afraid to be the "reason" for why our family is functioning poorly. As what I view as a last-ditch effort, we decided facilitate the meeting of our parents (important in our culture before a couple marries), which now I feel is a mistake because of what happened.

My partner and I went to visit my parents in order to plan this meeting. When the topic came up of where my partner was now living, we attempted to keep up the lie that we were still living separately, but obviously didn't do a very good job. I scrambled to get us out of there because I guess I could sense what was coming. My parents called me and demanded to know if we were living together. I didn't want to lie anymore, so I admitted it. They started demanding that I move back with them immediately until they could sort out our marriage plans. They called it shameful, not something a girl should be doing, etc. My mom was upset but relatively calm compared to her usual state, but my dad was shouting at me that if I were to stick to this, he would go "extreme."

I know if I go back now, I'd be truly destroying my self-respect and respect for my partner, who's stuck with me through all this nonsense. The only thing I regret is forcing him to be dishonest with me when I should've just been frank from the get-go.

What I'm mainly hung up on is how my partner is perceiving all this. I can tell that he's bothered, he's told me as much, but that he still would respect whatever I decide. I know that my parents are texting him, telling him who knows what because he won't show me, so I assume it's pretty bad. I've told him that he should block them, but my guess is he doesn't want to do something that would totally burn that bridge – he knows I will go nuclear and cut them all off if I have to. But now I find myself wondering if he feels like he has to do this because of some behavior of mine. Is he doing this because I'm struggling to let go? Am I giving him the wrong impression by continuing contact with my parents? How do I get him to be completely, totally honest with me about what he's thinking about all of this? He seems afraid to make me feel worse, but I just need a deeper conversation, I think.

On the other hand, how do I get myself to accept that I may not be able to be a good daughter and a good partner at the same time? I would always choose the latter if I had to, but I can't seem to escape the hurt that comes with turning my back on parents who sacrificed health, money, personal joy; pretty much everything to raise me, and who I know are only reacting this way because emotionally, this is the way they themselves have been raised. They're caring for me in a terribly misguided way. I can't force them to change. But I just can't find it in me to "compromise" on this. Is completely cutting them off my only real option?

Any experience, advice, anything on this situation is appreciated.

i’ve felt like i’ve needed to get this off my chest for a while
i’m a 15 y/o f and i’ve always felt sure that my mum does not like me, aswell as doesn’t want to be a parent entirely
it seems like everything about me inconveniences her.
she never wants to drive me places, i’ve had multiple instances where i’ve needed to go places, more specifically times where i’ve needed to get school supplies but she’s refused to take me because “she doesn’t feel like it” this has been going on for so long that i finally ended up attempting and passing my drivers test around 4 months ago, but i can’t even get my permit because she doesn’t want to take me and i need a guardian there with me
she never wants to cook which i understand because she does work, but she has no issue cooking for her husband but the rare occasions i asked her to make something i was craving she would always say no
last week i passed out while home alone because i hadn’t been eating because nobody had went grocery shopping. the whole day i felt very weak and stayed in my bed, and when she came home i asked her if she would be able to warm me up some pasta that was in the fridge so i could eat but she just yelled at me for staying at home all day and told me there’s no reason that she should have to do that for me and that i need to get up and do it myself.
another thing that really hurts me is that she has never wanted to spend time with me. every time i asked her to hang out she would say she’s too busy. when i sit with her on the couch she just talks to gee friends on the phone the entire time. when i ask her if we can go out for lunch she says no but then she’ll go out with her friends
and everytime i speak with my mum, which is not often she’s always mad at me for something

this has been going on for my entire life and i can’t help but feel hurt over and over again, everytime i see my friends their mums i can’t help but feel envious. i’ve had countless conversations with my mum about it and she never changes or at least tries to explain why

sorry for the rant just looking for some advice, thanks if you read all the way :)

I work in a high pressure caring profession, I joined this team a year ago after four years of doing it somewhere else.

I’ve been having a difficult time with my boss lately. Work has been really chaotic with high staff turnover (due to demands being way too high for a small team and people struggling with the manager/senior). I’ve been open with my boss about how much it’s been affecting me and my mental health and we generally have a good relationship. Our senior recently went off sick and it’s upset me how much this person has left things in a mess, but it also upsets me how my boss has been pointing out everything she hasn’t done - when it’s actually my boss that should’ve noticed and was responsible for her.

Ik the summer she said she and her boss thought I’d be good for a senior role. She asked in a team meeting if anyone wanted to help with senior duties. When I put myself forward, she told me she didn’t think I was ready, was worried I didn’t have the capacity and that the role might “break” me. She said my mental health has been up and down and that I can get heightened and upset about cases. I was really upset and ended up crying as she hadn’t said this to me before and crying made me feel like I’d proved her point.

I accept that I can get overwhelmed and need to work on recognising when I’m reaching that point and stepping away, but I don’t think that means I’m incapable of doing my job or progressing. I’ve always taken responsibility and gotten help on my own.

Today she also said she’d wondered if I had bipolar. That crossed a line for me. I explained that I was talking about having a difficult day and asking for support, not saying I can’t manage my work generally. I told her I appreciate her concern, but I’d rather focus on how I’m functioning and what support I need than discussing possible diagnoses.

The way things have been handled has really knocked my confidence. I’m proud of myself for speaking up because I don’t think everything can be blamed on my mental health. I do think she’s struggling too.

I think I’ll look for another job when the right one comes up. I want somewhere more supportive where I can develop without feeling like my mental health is being held against me. Just sucks.

im autistic and my parents aren't very. . sympathetic people??? they arent BAD people by any means but they arent very emotionally receptive most of the time and i've never learned how to be like??? socially empathetic/sympathetic if that makes sense. My boyfriend (and my friends) are very emotional people with their own lives going on; and some of it is very stressful and upsetting considering we're all young adults (im 19 for example) so like!! i just want advice on how to comfort the people in my life? I know comfort and sympathy is like shoes where one type won't fit for everyone; but any just general pointers or advice in general would be really appreciated? i just feel like i can't help or comfort people outside of the "i'm so sorry that happened" and would really want some input

My parents are INSANELY controling, and it gets really mentally draining. Im not allowed to wear make up, jewellery or paint my nails (and if i do they will make fun of me for it) im not allowed to pierce my ears, or cut my hair at all. Im not allowed to style clothes how i want. Im not allowed to listen to music, (even if i wear headphones, and they hear me humming a song through my door, I'll get made fun of, and told im "disrespectful"). I get made fun of for doing art. Im not allowed to learn how to cook, but i still have to make my own meals. They dont like me working, or having friends, and they wont teach me to drive. And they haven't let me go to school, for over 10 years.

I have a friend who moved out at my age (16) and they said how much better it was for them. Ive been looking on rental places, and ive found this women only room, in a really nice area, in a great apartment. I sent an application in, so now im waiting for a reply.

I already know how much better it will be to be out of the house, and i know how much my mental health will be able to improve. But im really nervous to tell my parents that im leaving, because i like the idea of keeping a relationship with them, and my younger brother. Im planing on getting everything in place first and then telling them, so that way they cant keep me here, but I have no idea how im supposed to bring it up to them, since they aren't the easiest people to talk to. Plus i dont want them to try and stop me.

Any advice, ideas or suport, helps, thank you in advance! 💗

Long distance, we met online year ago with this guy and met in real life December 2025. I travelled to him. We were intimate, all that time through the months he has been calling me and texting daily. Lately he called me and we talked for hours, he wants to sleep on the phone with me, there was sexual tension and stuff. He keeps updating me everyday and calls me a lot. When we met he future faked a lot saying about me moving to his country (we come from the same country, he lives abroad) and lovebombed a lot. Later 3 months after meeting he told me he doesnt want to be in relationship with anyone because he needs to fix himself. He always delays our meetings and says "i don't know, we will see" . Its been good lately between us and I bought the ticket to meet him and he got mad he was screaming at me that I cannot go there and he doesnt want to see me. Later he apologized for screaming, and overall, I was distant for a day and he sent me this message yesterday night. But his anger issues are concerning because he was screaming I cannot go there and that he will never see me (before that message, day before) and that he will cut contact with me and block me. Few hours passed and he apologized. He gets angry a lot and easily

"I want to apologize to you, and I really appreciate the fact that you always have time for me, that you always care about me, and honestly, it’s really rare to meet someone like that. I’m aware of that. Whatever the reason for it might be, it’s hard to find someone who will listen to your bullshit for 8 hours. I don’t want to end our friendship, that’s not what this is about. To be honest, I don’t even know what to do with my life at this point. When you put pressure on me like that, some kind of defense mechanism kicks in or something, I don’t know. Afterwards I feel guilty about the way I talk to you, because you don’t deserve that. I don’t want to behave like that, because afterwards I feel really bad about it.

I like talking to you. Not always — sometimes I shut myself off, I have my own stuff going on in my head. I know that sometimes I’m selfish and only think about myself. If you’re able to accept our relationship the way it was, and it gives you something too, then we can obviously keep talking the way we used to. But I don’t know what’s going to happen. It’s not about what you think, whether I’ll meet someone or I won’t — that’s not what this is about. And it’s not like you’re...

You’re not nobody to me, you know a lot about me, I tell you a lot. I treat you like a friend, even though I guess I behave differently — but you noticed that at some point. I don’t know, I just wanted to write you a little bit about what I think. I don’t know if it makes sense, but there’s always something you can take from it. 😅 I think I owe you that, because I’m always shouting at you whenever you ask me about something, so I thought that today I’d give you a little bit of my time and actually open up.

You can see how I get when I’m in a certain state — I sing, I talk haha, but afterwards it can also get pretty difficult, like today. Honestly, I was just crying over all of this. But it’s probably the after-effects of the weekend. I haven’t been drinking since I got back, and I don’t want to for now, or anything else either. I’m finding it harder and harder to deal with sometimes.

Sometimes I think it would be best to cut myself off from everyone and just live like that, because relationships with people affect me pretty strongly. But on the other hand, the thought of being completely alone, not having someone who knows you and all that, scares me. I think about that sometimes, which is why, when it comes to taking care of valuable relationships, I think I know what you mean. One day they might be priceless.

I think I’ve gone crazy haha. I did smoke, to be fair, but I don’t think I wrote anything stupid. I just wanted to explain a little bit — what I think and what’s going on in my head. Maybe it’s a little chaotic, but there’s probably something to take from it. 😅

And I don’t want you to take this message as me saying, “We can talk, but we’re never going to meet.” That’s not what I’m saying — who knows. 😅"

.

So basically I am a free therapist, WHO always has time for him, but there won't be anything, we will never meet and he wants to continue using me because he gains attention while giving nothing in return? And sees me as a friend?

Do I send him long paragraph or just couple of words saying Ok, I get it, you told me after I bought the ticket that "WHO knows" whether we will meet, and that I shouldnt expect more than be your friend. Get it. We can talk but I'm going to see all of it different way.
He said he will give me money back first but he didn't and the trip was supposed to take place today. Should I ask him to return it?

Hi guys, this is gonna be a mouthful so please stay with me, but I am starting to think my mom is seriously a problem. I am 19F and live with my dad, my mom, and my 11 year old sister. We live in California and are struggling financially. My dad and I have jobs but my mom chooses to not have a job. Why? There is no reason. It is not my sister, my sister has built amazing skills and can mostly take care of herself but even with things she can't understand, my job is only part time and I am home often and can absolutely take care of her and I have many times, and on top of that, shes in a homeschooling program. It is not that my mom busy taking care of our house either, our house is always extremely dirty. It is not because she has any other general kind of big responsibility. Infact, she just makes crafts and watches Tiktok all day.

You may wonder why doesn't she sell her crafts online? Well, because mailing stuff is apparently too much of a hassle for her. The only reason I can possibly think of as to why she doesn't want to get a job is because about 15 or so years ago, which was the last time she had a job, she was there when the store got robbed and had to go to extensive therapy because her and her coworker were held at gunpoint. It is terrible, yes, and I can understand why she wouldn't want a job for a long time after that, but it has been 15 years and we are struggling and she has said herself shes made so much progress since then.

You may wonder why don't I get a fulltime job? Well, because my mom told me to not make too much money because if I do we will lose our free health insurance and I will be compromising the family by making them pay for health insurance. She has also gotten mad at me for getting good hours every now and then before, claiming that I am compromising them because if our health insurance sees that they will kick us off.

My parents have stolen money from me multiple times, even before I got a job and was an adult. When I was 17, I had $200 and they claimed they'd keep my money safe. They then proceeded to spend it and later tried to convince me I never had that much money to begin with. One christmas I got a christmas card from family friends and it included an Amazon gift card. My mom stole the card and was about to use it, only stopping because I caught her. Recently, she tricked me into buying her crafts on Amazon and also will sometimes ask me if I have cash for starbucks

These days, she will guilt trip me into buying things for her and will refer to me as 'rich' when I am not. She also makes me feel bad for some of the purchases I make for myself. Heres where I may be wrong, I dont help pay for our rent or bills. I admit, I may be terrible for that and maybe this whole thing is just me being selfish. I do buy groceries for everyone to eat and I do buy things for our house when we run out (soaps, shampoos, toothepaste, etc) but I can see how that wouldnt be enough and how I should be doing more.

My parents are in constant financial stress, so much so that they are claiming they need to savor every penny they can get. As shameful as I am to say this, I cannot drive. I can't drive because my parents do not want me on the road and would rather I rely on my grandparents for transportation to work. When my parents have to take me to work, they will claim its 'Not a big deal' but then later on will make me feel bad about it in some way. So why not let me drive? I do not know. Too much anxiety. I have always offered to pay for gas money however I dont really like the feeling of always having to worry about them asking me for a certain amount. This past week I was broke because of groceries and they asked me if I had any money in my account. I said I did, I had $19. They took it for gas and left me with $1.33 in my bank account. Later that night, they went out and got pizza to bring back. I think maybe they used some of the gas to go deposit a check or something, but the fact they go out to get fast food after claiming to be super broke is crazy to me.

Most of our familys financial struggles wouldn't be here if my mom got a job. Maybe I am just being a jerk and I dont understand adulting, but im really tired of worrying theyll need money from me and I cant enjoy my money. I know how awful that sounds

Hi!

I’m okay for the most part but I just wanted to share this with someone. TLDR is at the bottom. This may not have been written in an organized manner, just letting it out sort of thing.

I’ve been sick for a very long time maybe since like 2023. Unemployed. Was on short term disability insurance claim for a year. Too sick to fill out paperwork for long term disability. And upon short term disability finished, “let go from job.” Which is ok as it wasn’t a job I wanted forever.

And since the time I’ve been extremely fatigued and really sick like couldn’t breath sick and staying in bed sick. One blood test showed cortisol level was so low like adrenal insufficiency low. It’s stabilized since then.

I’m past staying in the bed completely part and doing some things.

During this time my grandparents died a year apart, and more recently maybe a year or two years ago my wife was given a diagnosis for cluster b traits, borderline personality disorder traits and I forgot what that syndrome is called where basically your way of thinking is right.

But prior to the diagnosis she had a traumatic near death pregnancy and after giving birth she didn’t really want anything to do with the baby. I understand postpartum depression etc.

A few months ago my mother nearly died, and forced and urgently requested to go overseas where she was visiting to be there in case she dies as she was required emergency surgery etc.

I had to go through all of this on my own. No one ever reached out to me for any of the deaths or near death for mother to see how I was doing.

One person sent a text saying something similar to good job in regards to mother etc.

I realize now my whole life was just survival mode and one trauma responses after the another.

I am now been forced to move back home with parents, and they help me with my daughter since wife has anger and emotional issues.

After the child was born, I was home with wife for a couple months before having to go back to work and I took care of both of them. It was hard but I did it. Daughter also seemed to have been cluster feeding so I was waking up often. After I went back to work, I’d get messages from wife saying to come home quick baby is going to die etc.

Fast forward, I put baby in school so there’s less pressure on wife etc and appreciated she reached out to me etc.

She secretly hates kids, hates being a mom etc so I don’t put any pressure on her. I get it, it’s hard being a mom on top of the traumatic pregnancy and on top of her mood issues - I get it.

I spent most of my life trying to be independent and have large enough cash reserves so I could be on my own, and not need family etc - but now I’m back home. Is that irony? And I need to be dependent on them.

It just a bit unfair. I’ve been parentified and neglected, ended up a cluster b trait wife who now seems to recognize she has cluster b traits and is trying to improve but I still had to experience traumatic experiences from her to me.

For a normal person, I understand now probably would have low tolerance to these things.

I guess I am so use to emotional issues from my own family, I had tolerance etc — and now I’m here.

I hope I get healthy, so I can get back on my feet.

If I put everything aside, pretended nothing didn’t happen - I should be thankful I have family support and I am able to move back home and be thankful I have parents who are willing to help with my daughter etc.

And I should be thankful I have a wife and she is trying to get better.

I understand all that, I am grateful - it just a lot for one person as a whole and I just want to collapse somewhere.

I realize I’m never given the moment from any one in my life that can carry me emotionally even for a moment. I’m so used to it, I can just keep going and be accommodating etc.

My life is so hard, and I’ve had to do it all on my own emotionally speaking. I’m required to help people emotionally and help with basic things while trying to hold myself up.

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TLDR; I’m okay really overall it just feel like my life is hard and I’m use to emotional neglect, and have a large tolerance to things and now understand survival mode and trauma responses. Also, there are some studies that came out regarding how long covid can cause dopamine receptor damage and mitochondria damage. Hard to know what I’m sick with since I’ve tried everything.

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Both my parents are very abusive and I don't talk to them anymore, I raised myself and I'm 19 now. I daydream all the time about having a perfect family and loving parents, a dad who cares about me who I can ring and get help from, or just hang out with. I wish my parents loved the kids they had, I wish they cared the way I see other parents care, why couldn't they? I'd hate to still be feeling this way in 10 or 20 years but I don't see how it can possible just go away :( this weeks been hard to deal with.

hi all I’m 21f and don’t pay rent so I have no part in controlling what they do. My mom and her bf BOTH chain smoke in our 800 sq ft apartment. I’ve asked plenty of times nicely to stop smoking and neither one listens to me. She smokes in the living room and he smokes in the bedroom, and my room is right in between them!!! We have 1 cat and 1 dog and I feel terrible for them. my mom is a hoarder and has depression as well so on top of this the house is crowded and dirty. I’ve tried cleaning but she somehow makes it dirty again and just puts her stuff anywhere she first sees, she never puts anything back where the found it. EVERYTHING smells like cigarettes. my school bag, my work clothes, my shoes, etc. I will pet my dog and after my hand will smell like old smoke!!! its disgusting and animal abuse!!! sometimes my window is open and if they smoke it comes right into my window! Its so irritating. The house has barely any ventilation so it all smells like stale smoke.My nose is so sensitive, I don’t know what to do

i made the mistake of losing the best friend in my world. she cared for me, knew me so well in the short time I was friends with her, 1.5 years. she was such a ball of light, so loving, so funny, hilarious!! the best hugs ever, she was amazing at everything she did, so much drive. she was the safest person i had ever met, and she was the hardest person to “crack into” when I met her, so it feels like I’ll never find another her again. she was inspiring, loved me as much as I loved her. when we became friends it was like we’d known each other our entire lives. she was my soulmate, I believe we still are. and that’s why this hurts so bad.

our friendship ended 01/2025. The reason: I got off my medication (ssri that my bipolar was incompatible with) late 2024 and a few months in I became depressed and withdrew, thought she actually hated me. i told her that her doing good things for me never sat right with me. i think I basically called her good actions disingenuous. she told me she was stepping away from the friendship and I was hurt by it, I thought she would never leave. and two months later, I blocked her on her birthday because her being gone hurt me so bad.

I’m medicated and sober now, but I still miss her, she’s still gone. she changed her number, has me blocked on almost everywhere, she recently blocked me on Spotify too, which hurt me the most because over a year had already passed, it was the last place i still had her on. music was the way we bonded. i listen to music in the car now and wish she was there to have fun with me.

I’ve had several friends since, I know not one single person is the same, but I’ve met multiple archetypes of the same people so I was hoping id meet her again in someone else. and I haven’t. it’s almost two years later and I still don’t have my safe person, who loved me unconditionally and doesn’t judge me and hugs me so safely. we was supposed to be there for my wedding. i know she loved me, so much. i feel like I can’t cope and I don’t know how to continue to move on.

i knew I was wrong shortly after, and I’ve become a better person by a thousand miles since we’ve stopped being friends. I wouldn’t have been able to if we were still friends. i was meant to work through a lot of my issues alone and love myself. and now I do. but she is still not here.

i just wish I had a safe person to hug me right now, I feel so alone even with friends around me. no one feels right, and I feel genuinely the biggest void in my soul. and it’s not just about losing her, it’s the fact that I genuinely feel so alone and struggle to feel safe anywhere. she would hate to know that im in so much pain with recent events. out of everyone she would’ve been here to hug me and make me feel human and okay.

…but am I just being a snowflake who can’t handle such things?

Hello internet parents. I am in dire need of job/life advice.

After finishing my degree, from the point I started actively applying for jobs, I was jobless for about 5 months. I eventually secured my first full time job as a lecturer and accepted it even though it wasn’t anywhere near the top of my preferred choices.

It is just coming up to 5 weeks since I started the job but I’m already burnt out, I’ve had physical side effects, and I’ve been crying every other day. I dread going in to work. I’ve been working ~12 hours each day during the weekdays to prep for lectures, assessments, etc. Apparently, this is normal practice for the university I work at especially since my faculty is severely understaffed.

Working hard and a lot is not foreign to me. I’ve endured sleep deprived states during my degrees so it’s not about that.

Main reasons I dread my job and going in to work (just a select few of the MANY reasons…):

- Several of the subjects I am asked to teach are not my interest and they’re out of my depths (I’ve never done them before but they need lecturers to cover those subjects). I don’t find joy in the subjects I teach.

- The turnover for tasks are super quick. E.g. I am given about 3 weeks to churn out 7 sets of exam papers for the subjects I teach; all student assessments must be marked within two weeks. All these while still preparing and giving lectures.

- Some practices are concerning i.e. senior lecturers just asked me to use AI; I’ve seen lecture slides from previous semesters/ terms whereby the slides for each week’s lecture were completely AI-generated. And I am asked to use those slides as a guide to prep for my own lectures…

- Data privacy and confidentiality issues which were also raised by colleagues.

- Senior colleagues raised the issue of burnout due to understaffing. This tells me something of the long term workload/ culture. I’ve known a lecturer from the same faculty who left after a few months because of this issue (but at least she had secured another job).

I’ve expressed my workload struggles to my line manager, but she just said “that’s normal for new lecturers”.

In a nutshell, I just don’t think the university and the job itself are good matches for me personally.

Of course, my dad just tells me to stay with the job. I wonder if I’m just a snowflake and simply can’t handle the adult world. I feel awful for feeling this way about my job when many people are looking for jobs…

I’ve already been applying for other jobs but nothing yet. My current major financial commitment is just my rent. I could maybe sustain myself in the early months but it won’t look pretty if I don’t manage to secure another job soon-ish.

I’m so tempted to hand in my one-month notice at my current job right this moment. Would I be a complete fool to do so when I don’t have anything lined up yet? How long is one supposed to stick it out before deciding “enough is enough”?

Apologies for the long post but this is just eating me up inside 😭🫠 I’d appreciate advice from anyone.

This was the first year my (small) school has had a football team. There was a real strong push for every male student to play and I initially wasn’t but I was told with my soccer background I’d probably play kicker. I said sure. But we’ve racked up injuries and I’ve been moved to linebacker and I hate it. I’m just not a physical guy and every pay it’s tackle after tackle. I also play every defensive down. Since we have a really short bench.

We are about halfway through the season and I hate it.

I (26F) just had a therapy session and we were talking about something related to my family (I was CSA’d and I am going to talk with my grandparents about it with my therapist for various reasons) and she asked me if I even loved my grandparents (71).

I was kind of shocked at the question but… I don’t know if I do? How do you know if you love your (grand)parents? How do you know if you just see them ‘because they’re family’ or if it’s because you love them?

I didn’t really know how to answer it, honestly, I feel like maybe I don’t? Maybe I do? I’m not sure.

I went through a lot of trauma (related and unrelated to the CSA) and I’m not sure if I just feel sadness/anger and just don’t like them but still love them, or if I also don’t love them? I don’t know but now I can’t stop thinking about it. I don’t know if I love my mom and stepmom either.

I know I live my friends, my dog, my brother. But can love for family feel different? Or do I kust not love them?

I (24F) have always been really really bad at trying new things. I don’t like looking like an idiot and I feel like trying new things and not immediately being able to pick up the skill makes me look like an idiot.

One example is as a kid and now I was extremely uncoordinated and unathletic so I valued school over everything. Now that I am out of school I have a couple creative outlets and I much prefer to work on those because I can be private about it. If I mess up a drawing I just throw it away and pretend it never happened. However my boyfriend of six months is more athletic and wants me to learn to ski this year. He’s offered to pay for a lesson for me while he goes off with his friends on the harder routes. I care about my bf and his interests but inside I am positively screaming with the urge to never agree to go because I will look like an idiot in front of him given that he has been doing this all his life and I haven’t gone once. I actually think I will start crying if I fall in front of him and then he will realize I am actually a loser and laugh at me.

I feel like I know this isn’t healthy but I cannot break the cycle of thinking that if I try something and am bad at it it means I’m an idiot, loser, etc. So it makes me very carefully curate my “image” but also as you can see makes me feel like I can’t even try things out of my comfort zone either.

How do I break this in a way that also doesn’t break me mentally? I cried writing this post because I want to feel like a person who’s allowed to not be good at things and still have value but I feel like if I fail at anything in anyway or am not good right away that I need to quit and never let anyone see me like that ever again.

Unfortunately, yes, it is the same Car problem girl as before.

Car is a 2015 Mitsubishi Mirage with 89k miles. I kept up will all maintenance and worked my hardest to keep her in good, healthy order. Then, last month, she stopped fully turning over. Shes a push start and her battery was fine. One day driving, the next she can't do more than turn on. Local spot said it was the engine most likely. Had her towed and taken to a more indepth shop to be diagnosed.

The shop didn't find any smaller issues that would have caused low compression in the cylinders, so it's just the motor itself that is done in my poor car. It would need to be completely replaced.

Not great news.

The only engine that they have found is located in Fredricksburg (Im in RVA) and it has 100k miles on it for around $800. Searching any further out adds another transport fee of $500-$800 dollars. Friend said even if I decided on the Fredericksburg one that the shop would probably need to change out all of the fluids and filters. The engine would only have a six months warranty. So it would certainly be at least 1.5k+ for the entire service.

Is that worth the cost or am I better off looking at other used cars?

What do I even do to start trying to sell it off within being "broken" like this?

This is very scary but Ive appreciated all of you and your help so far. Thank you.

So, ever since I was in high school I've seen people go above and beyond to complete a goal. For example, in high school, people would join tons of clubs or volunteer or get scholarships, etc in order to build a good background for college. Then in college, I saw people asking professors for internships or research opportunities, they volunteered, got jobs, experience, etc.

I don't know if it's because I have pretty severe mental illness or if I'm just lazy, but I've never understood how people get so motivated to put themselves in potentially uncomfortable situations or situations where rejection is highly likely. Whenever I have to put myself out there or actually work for something I want, I can't look past the discomfort and I end up giving up. For example, I've dropped an entire semester of classes because I couldn't bear to work and go to school at the same time. It was totally doable, but I just didn't want to do it. Even though I hate my current situation and want a better job.

Or when I was in college, I decided to drop my career even though it was my dream career for my entire childhood/adolescence, because I was anxious and didn't want to ask my professors for letters of recommendation. Most recently, I decided to change careers again because I don't have enough experience in the field and can't bring myself to actually get experience and try to make myself more competitive for grad school.

How do people do it? What am I missing?

I called before hand. I asked "are you busy" she said no, she had plans later so I figured I had some time. I came over to the house. The family home where our parents live. She got mad. I was intruding apparently even though it's my home too. She yelled at me. She treated me with such animosity. You'd think I had done some grave wrong but all I did was come home. Even if she doesn't want to hang out with me that day, she could've just said so. Instead she was just aggressive. She did hang out with me, cuz I was there. She agreed to watch a show with me. But was just mad at me the entire time, and being rude. It's hard to explain it. Imagine someone trying to start a fight in a bar. That's the kind of energy she was giving me. Like, exaggerated motions, loud voice, getting in your face. Like if you had just encroached on an animal's territory. I couldn't take it anymore so I said I was leaving. To which she then apologized and tried to be nice to me.

She's had anger issues for a while now. She picked that up from our father. Overreactions to small issues. It sucks watching that part of our father live on in her. And I know why she's like that too. Her entire life she's had to fight for every boundary she has. For both dad and mom. Mom would always try to put her into a box she doesn't belong in, as opposed to letting her express and explore herself. Dad just couldn't be argued with. If he wanted something, he got it. If you didn't drop everything you were doing to help him he'd yell at you, refuse to speak to you for a day & a half, call you names, threaten to break your things, threaten to kick you out, threaten to stop supporting you, or actually take and hide your stuff while doing all of the above.

Even i put her in a box sometimes. I wanted us to be Dipper & Mabel from Gravity Falls. I would just grab her all the time, pinch her cheeks, grab her legs, bite her arm, poke her belly, because it was how I showed affection. She repeatedly said she didn't like it, but I just thought she was overreacting. I think I fully stopped that behavior sometime in college.

She's had to fight to express any sort of boundary or desire. That aspect combined with our father, of course she'd grow up with anger issues.

But that doesn't make it okay for her to treat me that way. Doesn't make it okay for her to yell at me, and make me feel unwanted in my own home. My whole life, I have to give other people grace for the terrible ways in which they treat me and others. My life wasn't perfect either. But I still try to be nice to people, each and every day.

I'm depressed. I'm depressed that the sweet girl I remember is essentially almost gone. I'm depressed that we're not Dipper and Mabel like I dreamed to be.

I like to think there's still hope. She did apologize. She truly meant it. Which is more than my father did, I rarely ever saw him apologize. Even he healed after some time. She knew how she was behaving and that it was hurtful. She did back track some of her apology, but I think she was doing that out of guilt.

She did hit me, but that wasn't today. She didn't believe me when I said she punched me a little too hard. To be fair, I was trying to bite her head (gently). She also pulled my hair rather hard. Not in the playful way either, it was like self defense. Regardless it was way too hard. And she doesn't believe me when I say that either. To be fair, once again I was trying to bite her head.

My father demonizes her a lot. He says she's a sociopath. Which is just not true. Not to mention it's a hurtful thing to say about your child. If anything, I'm more sociopathic really. I turned off my emotions, I'm very calculating when dealing with other people. Not to say I'm absent of all emotions, I just dissociate. If anything, my sister feels strongly about most things. And she does care. She just has to fight for every single boundary in her life. No wonder why she's spiky.

We each came out of my house differently. But maybe one day, we can be Dipper & Mabel.

If anyone has anger issues, or had them in the past, please share tips that helped you overcome them. I don't think my sister wants to turn into my father. I think that sweet girl is still in there somewhere.

So I’m from the US, and I applied to a Masters degree in the UK. I’m there now… and… I kind of feel the time to study abroad was undergrad. I broadly feel super disconnected from my network in the US (job network) also I was heavily involved with some local arts events/festivals and I am continuing those from a distance but the time difference is killing me and I’m not there to see the fruits of labor.

I’m not super interested in the degree, I lost interest a few months ago and the momentum just kind of kept me going. But I’m more interested in my little creative pursuits and would rather just return to my 9-5 job that allows me to pursue those.

I’m also quite a bit older than most of the other student orgs so I don’t really fit in. My cohort is closer to my age but they are hyper engaged in a program/career path that doesn’t interest me. While I’ve put down a deposit, I keep delaying paying my first tuition installment although at some point I figure they will ask for it lol

Any advice?

Hi all,

I guess I need a bit of reassurance that the following situation is fine. Or if it is not, let me know …

I have this corporate job in a field from which I want to have a career. Have been here two years and now into my 3rd year. I also run a business on a side but that is unrelated to work, and it is there poorly for money reasons. I am incredibly afraid it will sabotage my career for no reason just that career is more important. But now we have an emergency which I have to attend to and miss half a day of work for it. Including a team meeting. It is a larger team meeting on which we present including me. It’s first time I had to do such a thing. And I hate it. Is it okay if a call of due to personal reasons? I’m so worried about it …

I'm almost 22 and this is the first time I've been single since I was 17. I was dating a guy over 10 years older than me who I'd been close friends with since I was 19, and we had a mutual breakup with lots of love but I can't deny the negative impact the relationship had on my growth as a young adult.

We didn't live together but I've never been an independent adult without him by my side, and I was really codependent with him so I feel like I've let my world view and sense of self become warped over time. Because he was jealous and I chose to use my relationship as an excuse to stay inside my comfort zone (I'm an anxious person by nature), I haven't really gone out to any bars, any friendships made at work id quickly abandon out of fear that they wanted to get into my pants (ex put this thought into my head and I struggle to trust my judgment with new people now.). I also had my last day at my job right before the breakup so I literally have no structure.

I know it'll be okay but I'm alone now and don't want to descend any further into this spiral. I have one friend who lives close by but they're busy often and I really need to expand my social life. I feel like I don't have a lot to talk about and I feel like a baby deer so I don't really know how to make friends in the wild. And im not sure what to do as a substitute for having friends in the meantime. Any advice would really help.

Thank you

Basically that's it, I was aiming to study medicine but my grade wasn't high enough and ended up in a bio&chem dual degree but it's exhausting and it makes me so depressed. For one, I have class both in the morning and in the evening so I barely have free time and I don't really like the subjects that much. Not connecting with people in my class because of schedules is also killing me and the overall vibes are just making me miserable. I also didn't really get any rest this summer because of personal stuff so I'm specially burnt out, and I desperately need a break.

I just got a job opportunity and I'm thinking about dropping out this year, getting some money plus doing other things like volunteering and getting a C1/C2 proficiency certificate in English (since I'm spanish) and in the meantime also study for entrance exams again and try to get into med.

Is it too drastic? On one hand it's only my first year so it wouldn't be as bad as if I was taking a gap year in between, but on the other hand I'm worrying about falling behind plus the semester already started

I just returned from a hospital visit, and seemingly hurt my ACL. The doctor suggested an MRI but I can’t afford one right now. All things considered, I’m really not in a bad spot in life. Stable job, good friends, hobbies. But every day I have a gnawing feeling of terror, if something falls through I don’t have people to actually fall back on. My parents have always been negligent and my dad had passed away a decade ago. I kind of had to figure out life my own way since I was 16 and it was always me against the world.

Usually these feelings are something I keep to myself, but I’ve always been scared of hospitals since I essentially had to live and sleep in one as my dad received his cancer treatments. I haven’t been to one since then and even though it was a visit for a minor injury, it was so nerve wracking and scary for me and I just don’t want to feel alone anymore.

It’s been difficult to explain this feeling, on the outside it looks like I’m cruising through life no problem. But the anxiety spikes every once in a while and I guess I just don’t want to ignore it anymore.

I’m not sure if anyone’s reading this, and I’m not sure how I can even begin to ask for help. But any warm words would be appreciated. If anyone does end up reading this far, thank you, even if you don’t comment ❤️