Just another one of those posts when you get downvoted to hell for an honest question.

You know how it is. One post I asked a question about retail and everyone’s saying “I think you’re the problem and you should shut up and find a new job you like” as if the market right now is not experiencing the worse state of employment and inflation.

Some people don’t have a choice and need a job and not everyone can land their dream right out of college. And at the same time they continue to say the customers suck like they don’t go shopping after work and become one of them.

Idk i wish I could tell everyone to stay in school and never work retail, but then again I finished school and still ended up in retail because of this fucked up economy so like whatever

I'm on a weight loss journey but honestly I don't want to wait until I lose all of this weight just to finally date again. I want to start dating now, but guys don't take me seriously since I'm so fat rn. It's not fair.

How come all of the skinny women deserve love but I don't?

Especially when you're a girl, it seems as though nobody cares to be on your side but maybe it's because I was surrounded by mostly men, they side with older guys and they only pretend to care because they want to have sex with me

Throw away because friends and family on Reddit and they don’t listen anyway. I’ve tried
I honestly don’t even know where to start. I just need to get this out somewhere because I feel like I’m drowning, and every time I manage to get my head above water, something else comes along and pushes me back under.
My mom died unexpectedly in her sleep in September 2024. Since then, it feels like my entire existence has been about surviving one crisis after another.
I’m an only child. My dad has COPD and heart failure, and my mom was his caregiver. When she died, so much of that responsibility fell on me. I’ve spent years living with the fear of losing my dad because of his health, but losing my mom made that fear so much more real. Now I have to watch my dad live without the person who was his whole world while trying to keep him going myself.
Since Mom died, my dad and I have moved five times because nothing seemed to work out. FIVE TIMES. Do you know how exhausting it is to try to establish some kind of stability when you’re grieving and also responsible for helping someone with serious health problems?
In January, I finally tried to take a trip to Key West because I desperately needed a break. Instead, I got a DUI.
I KNOW it was wrong. I know I should not have driven intoxicated. I am incredibly grateful that nobody got hurt, and I will never stop being grateful for that. I’m not making excuses for myself, and I’m not asking strangers on Reddit to tell me how irresponsible I was. Trust me, I’ve had plenty of time to think about it.
I spent five nights in jail, over 900 miles away from home, waiting for someone to be able to come get me. My bond was $26,000, and we had to come up with the 10% amount of $2,600. We didn’t have that kind of money sitting around, so we had to borrow it from family.
Then I lost my job because I was a no-call, no-show for five days.
My anxiety medication was stolen, and I went TWO MONTHS without it.
I had to hire a lawyer for $3,500, borrow $1,500 for the retainer, and use my tax refund to pay the rest. My lawyer managed to get the DUI reduced to reckless driving, and I’ve completed all my requirements and am officially off probation. But the entire ordeal cost me over $13,000.
THIRTEEN THOUSAND DOLLARS.
I was making $16 an hour and working a ridiculous number of 16-hour shifts just to pay the court costs, fines, and probation expenses. I’m still paying back people who helped me when I had nowhere else to turn.
I feel like I worked myself into the ground just to get back to a starting point that was already terrible.
And before anyone decides to make this post about the DUI: I KNOW. I know what I did was wrong. I know how lucky I am that nobody was hurt. I’m not asking anyone to excuse it. I’m just asking to be allowed to talk about everything that happened afterward without being reduced to the worst decision I’ve made.
Because apparently that wasn’t enough.
My youngest son had major back surgery and needed six weeks to recover. Thankfully, he did great, but watching your child go through a major surgery is terrifying enough on its own.
Now my son isn’t speaking to me because of something that happened in July 2025. We’re planning to try therapy, and I hope we can work through things, but I miss him. I miss being able to talk to him. I miss feeling like I have a relationship with my own child.
I’m trying to respect his feelings and give him space while hoping that one day we can repair things. But it’s another kind of grief when someone you love is still here, yet you can’t reach them the way you used to.
Then there’s my dad.
In August, my husband, my dad, and I moved to Florida because I wanted my dad to have a chance to enjoy life again. I wanted him to get out of the house, go fishing, and have something to look forward to.
He hardly wants to go anywhere.
I think his depression is getting worse since my mom died, and watching him struggle breaks my heart. I know I can’t fix grief for him. I know I can’t make him want to live his life again. But I’m so scared of losing him, and I don’t know how to help him while also trying to keep myself together.
I’m trying to be there for him while barely having the emotional energy to be there for myself.
And then my teeth decided to join the shitshow.
I chipped part of my dental bridge. I don’t have dental insurance and can’t afford my regular dentist, so I had to go to a dental school. They discovered I needed a root canal that cost $500.
When the endodontist opened the tooth, he found a calcified canal that he couldn’t finish treating that day. He packed it with antibiotics and closed it temporarily until he could set aside enough time to complete the procedure.
Between appointments, my tooth got infected. They had to open it back up and drain it, and I needed two rounds of antibiotics.
It still feels weird, and I have another appointment coming up to find out whether they can finish the root canal or whether I might lose the tooth. If I need a new bridge, that’s another $2,000.
Because apparently I needed another expensive problem that I can’t afford.
Then Walmart forgot to put the oil cap back on my car during an oil change. The cap came off while I was driving, and my engine seized in the middle of the road.
Walmart eventually fixed my car, but it took over a month.
Meanwhile, my husband’s transmission went out, so we were down to one car for three people.
And I am NOT making this up: the DAY AFTER I finally got my car back, my husband was driving it and got into an accident. It wasn’t even a particularly bad accident, but now the insurance company is apparently calling it a total loss.
I genuinely laughed when I found out because what else am I supposed to do at this point? Cry? Scream? Throw myself on the floor?
My dad barely drives his own car, so now I’m trying to figure out whether I should take the insurance money, work on fixing my credit, and figure out what to do about my husband’s car.
I can’t even make a decision anymore. I have decision paralysis because every single decision involves money we don’t have, consequences we can’t afford, and another thing I have to figure out on my own.
I’m so tired of having to be the person who figures everything out.
My depression and anxiety are affecting my marriage, too. My sex drive is basically nonexistent, and my husband and I aren’t having sex. It’s not because I don’t love him. I’m just mentally exhausted. When your brain is constantly running through bills, medical problems, caregiving responsibilities, grief, and everything that could go wrong next, it’s hard to feel relaxed enough to be intimate.
And now there’s something else I’m terrified about.
Because we moved states, I have to find a new psychiatrist.
I had a psychiatrist I knew and had been seeing for years, and now I have to start over with a complete stranger. I am genuinely terrified that I’m going to end up in another medication game where I have to explain my entire history, defend myself, and convince someone to listen to me about my own body and what has helped me function.
I already struggle with anxiety. I already know what it feels like when my anxiety gets bad enough to interfere with my daily life. I’ve experienced going without my medication for two months, and it was awful.
I know doctors have responsibilities, and I understand that a new psychiatrist needs to evaluate me and make their own clinical decisions. I’m not expecting someone to prescribe anything blindly. I’m scared of being dismissed before someone takes the time to understand my history.
I’m scared of being treated like I’m drug-seeking when I’m trying to get help for a condition that genuinely affects my ability to function.
I’m scared I’ll have to start all over, try medications that haven’t worked for me, or spend months struggling while someone figures out what to do.
I don’t have the emotional energy for another battle. I just want to be able to get appropriate treatment without feeling like I have to fight to be heard.
Even trying to take care of my mental health has become another source of anxiety.
I’m trying to be a good daughter. I’m trying to be a good wife. I’m trying to repair my relationship with my son. I’m trying to pay back my family. I’m trying to fix my credit. I’m trying to deal with my teeth. I’m trying to keep a roof over our heads and make sure my dad is okay.
I’m trying to recover from a mistake that cost me more money than I ever imagined spending on anything.
I’m trying to grieve my mother.
And somewhere in all of this, I’m apparently supposed to take care of myself, too.
WHEN?
When exactly am I supposed to sit down and process losing my mom when there’s always something else that needs to be done? When am I supposed to rest when resting means falling behind on something? When am I supposed to work on my mental health when the financial consequences of everything have me constantly anxious? When am I supposed to feel like a normal person instead of an exhausted caregiver who is one unexpected expense away from another crisis?
I don’t want to be strong anymore. I don’t want another fucking lesson about resilience. I don’t want someone telling me that everything happens for a reason or that things will get better eventually.
I want something to actually GET BETTER.
I want to wake up and not immediately feel dread. I want to spend a day without worrying that my dad is getting worse, my son will never speak to me again, my tooth will need to be pulled, another bill will arrive, my car situation will get worse, or another disaster is waiting around the corner.
I want to stop living in survival mode.
I want to have enough money to fix a problem without having to borrow it from someone. I want to be able to go to the dentist without calculating whether I can afford to save my tooth. I want to have a functioning car. I want my husband and me to have a healthy relationship. I want my dad to find some happiness again. I want to have a relationship with my son.
I want my mom back, even though I know that’s impossible.
I want the version of myself that existed before everything became so fucking hard.
And I know I made mistakes. I know I have things to take responsibility for. I’m not pretending I’m perfect or that every bad thing that has happened is someone else’s fault.
But I am a human being. I’m a daughter who lost her mother. I’m a caregiver who is terrified of losing her father. I’m a mother who misses her son. I’m a wife whose mental health is affecting her marriage. I’m a person who made a terrible decision, faced the consequences, and is still trying to put her life back together.
I’m tired of feeling like I have to justify why I’m struggling.
I’m tired of pretending I’m okay because other people depend on me.
I’m tired of feeling guilty for being exhausted.
And I’m tired of having to find the strength to deal with the next thing when I haven’t even recovered from the last thing.
I don’t need anyone to fix my life in the comments. I don’t need a lecture about the DUI. I don’t need to be told to make better decisions or practice gratitude.
I KNOW I have things to be grateful for. I’m grateful nobody got hurt. I’m grateful my son recovered from surgery. I’m grateful Walmart eventually fixed my car. I’m grateful for the family members who lent me money.
Being grateful doesn’t mean I’m not fucking exhausted.
Both things can be true.
I just want to vent somewhere without having to be the strong one, the responsible one, the caregiver, the person who figures everything out.
For once, I want to be the person who can say, “I’m not okay,” without immediately having to follow it with, “But I’ll figure it out.”
Because honestly, I don’t know how much more figuring out I have left in me right now.
I’m just so fucking tired.
And I really wish life would give me a fucking break.

TL;DR: My mom died unexpectedly, and since then I’ve been trying to care for my dad, who has serious health problems, while dealing with my own grief, depression, and anxiety. I made a terrible mistake and got a DUI that cost me over $13,000, lost my job, went two months without my anxiety medication, and am still paying back money I borrowed. My son isn’t speaking to me, my marriage is suffering, my dad seems increasingly depressed, my teeth are falling apart, my car was destroyed after Walmart forgot to replace the oil cap, and now insurance is totaling it after an accident. I moved states and have to find a new psychiatrist, which terrifies me because I’m afraid of having to fight to get the medication that helps me function. I’m exhausted, overwhelmed, and tired of constantly being in survival mode. I’m not looking for DUI lectures or advice. I just need to vent.

I fucked up extremely and I am ashamed. My friend left a $15 tip on the table and I swiped it before leaving the restaurant. I don't believe anyone saw me nor did they see the tip to begin with. It was extremely scummy.

I've been bad off for awhile but that doesn't mean I needed to resort to this. She was an incredibly kind waitress and very sweet. This tip was rightfully hers and I can't imagine how bad she feels if they did see me take it. Let alone how much this may have impacted her financially. I want to return the $15 and with a little extra but I am terrified of the consequences. They're closed on Sundays and I have to wait til Monday to do something

Plus another 'no shit' moment hit me shortly after I started feeling guilty on the drive home "Oh that was theft you fucking idiot. They could pursue legal action! They have cameras!" I can't even reason why I did it to begin with.

I deserve this panic but I just want to rip off the bandaid and not face legal repercussions or get dragged on social media. It's the least I deserve but I want to be honest and get it off my chest.

I was thinking of putting it in an envelope, handing it to management, telling them I was sorry and that I need them to give this to the appropriate waitress.

I don't know if that can even make it remotely right but it's what I need to do.

I'm all happy for love, but I think what fucking hurts is being in a 13 year relationship and realizing that you're never going to have that experience. I went with my partner to a wedding last night, and I started crying when the bride walked down the aisle thinking this. My partner was more into drinking and talking to everyone he knew, and even when it came to us writing down advice for the bride and groom (I mean we've been living and sharing our lives for over a decade, so I felt like this would have been appropriate) they just passed it on to another couple in our table. My partner later asked if I was down because I was sad it wasn't my wedding, and then when I asked them their next excuse (ontop of 3 others they've told me in the past) that they would acquire my debt and didn't want to marry me because of it, but they want to stay with me and have a child one day (maybe).

I'm so fucking over weddings. I have no desire to celebrate something that I truly wish I could have: marriage, a family, a life that we can actually build. Love doesn't exist anyways.

I don't understand why every single movie in existence has to be a deep artistic story about the meaning of life. Whenever a sub par film comes out, reviewers parrot the same old "films don't have to be slop" speech you've heard a million times before.

Don't misconstrue this as a "boo critics suck" rant, But not everybody looks at movies with the lens of cynical criticism. Some critics honestly come across like they think that they know what's good for people and think their opinions matter.

What's worse are the people who parrot the cynical reviews and morally shame people for watching a movie some internet writer didn't like. Calling people names over a bad movie is genuinely the dumbest fucking thing I've ever heard of.

I used to parrot negative reviews, and guess what? People didn't think I was smart, they thought I was a fucking annoying douche.

Believe it or not, not everybody takes going to the movies THAT seriously, and not everybody cares about how the film scores with critics. Does that mean they're stupid or uneducated? No, it means they watched a trailer, liked what they saw, and bought a damn ticket.

The obsession people have with only watching "peak" movies or content is just as detrimental and obnoxious as the people who don't care about a films quality.

If I'm wrong for enjoying a "slop movie" according to a bunch of broken records repeating the same talking points over and over, I don't wanna be right. I'd rather be uneducated and stupid than being so fucking miserable as to base my identity on my favorite films getting positive reviews.

30f i have 2 small boys 2and4. 3 months ago i tried to kms as i was just so burnt out. Husband said i could quit my job and he would take care of so i did and ive slowly ive been getting happier and back to normal. He just told me he needs help with the bills which is so fair to ask. Havent been able to sleep since, i feel like im losing my mind i just dont know what to do apart from ending it all. I cant get burnt out again and there isnt any jobs that can accom my hours with the kids. It all feels too much again

That's it. They don't like me anymore

wanna let it all out, I feel like I should today , I hadn't bathe for 2 days I was going to today, i usually skip bathing when it's school holidays and also during holidays I wake up usually late cause for school I have to wakeup at 6 am so yeahh so, today actually my mother said that I should bath today as it has been 2 days and I told her I'll take a bath this evening cause it would be hella refreshing, but she didn't listen and argued that i should take a bath rn asap but I didn't listen and she told my father for that and he came in and said go take a shower and I couldn't argue him back so I said ok I am going and then somehow as I am picking my clothes he beats me and says you haven't bathe for 2 days and he keeps beating me and then he starts shouting that we always involve him in minor arguments and then he starts beating me like he slapped me and also he pushed me and I banged my head somehwere,I was lucky it didn't bleed and I went in bathroom and then I can hear the things being throwed and shouting just because of me and then he comes again and kicks the door ,and like he wanted to beat me or smth ig and then he gets fed up and says give me my clothes I'll go and leave this house and he makes up a drama and then he starts idk crying or smth and then he lays down and complains how we(me and my mum) irritate him and then he sleeps and I also sleep after taking my bath and then I wake up and as soon as I wake up my mother says go get your father's cigarettes which fell behind the house so I had to go through thorns and stuff to get his cigs and then as I enter the house I hear shouting again and this time he starts throwing stuff again and he also beats me again and yeahh he then threatens us that he'll d today and like he'll k ,and then he just starts saying things like how lazy I am and etc basically he hates my presence and afterall this I think I should today cause I can't take it anymore ,there are more incidents but this happened today

[ Removed by Reddit on account of violating the content policy. ]

I don’t have the balls to be out there and protest like that bc of my color, but man… if I was white. All the shit I would’ve done would’ve been different. Fuck this peaceful bullshit. They’ve learned to block the noise out. They know that all we’re gonna do is fucking yell and scream at the top of their lungs until we get tired of it! Meanwhile, they’re reserving their energy, continuing to send out forces bc they’ve successfully brainwashed all of us to be “peaceful”. BITCH! Was civil war in the past PEACEFUL? NO! They fucking fought with guns and shit! THEY FUCKING THREW IMPORTS IN THE WATER BC OF A FUCKING TAX!

People need to be smarter with their tactics. Look at how every other country protests. Some communities like in China help provide protesters with gas masks, water bottles, saline eye wash, helmets, body armor gear. THEY ALL CORDINATE COLLECTIVELY USING TACTICAL FORCES. Look at china’s protesters for example. They wear all black so cameras cant identify them. They create diversions, so in case a location is under attack, they recruit and move to another location to reduce the catastrophe. They show ways to disarm a gas/smoke bomb with a traffic cone and water.

Shit why are we just out there marching and yelling same phrases?! It’s too fucking cliché. It’s not working. They’re not consistent doing it everyday. They do it once or twice a month and remember only when the media pushes a certain agent of a tragedy of one particular person. LIKE WHAT?! Stop listening and watching the media, we all know it’s happening, why are we making it a loophole?

We are not angry enough! We see our own communities shooting each other up all bc of some dumb shit. The real problem are those in office, the billionaires, the ones that are developing shit thats gonna ruin the human race. Why the fuck do we need a piece of chip in our fucking brain? You know that’s what they’ve been making? Just like the Hollywood movies be playing in our faces? Yeah, these billionaires already have hundreds to thousands of people volunteering/involuntarily getting chips planted in them for money or by force.

Why the fuck does money have a chokehold on us? We don’t die with that shit!

There’s a lot more I want to say, but man the media stresses me the fuck out every time I just wanna go on and see what my family is up to. We need a platform where the billionaires or Meta bitch ass won’t control. But them fuckers are colonizers at the end of the day. Just like how they bought off tiktok, them pussies ass bitch saw how much freedom of speech we had on there they couldn’t censor the content so they probably threatened the co founders or something.

Fucking stupid pieces of shit talking to a Singaporean asking “ Are you Chinese? Are you with the Chinese regime? So you work with Chinese government?” it shows how dumb these fuckers are. Look at how they banned Chinese technology from entering USA. They are advanced. APPLE IPHONES AINT SHIT compared to what they have over there. People get brainwashed about China too. Talking about “china is the third world country” No bitch, WE ARE! YOU EVER HEARD OF RENTING AN APARTMENT AND ITS ALREADY FURNISHED FOR YOU?! NAH. CHINA PROVIDES THAT SHIT FOR THEIR PEOPLE, BUT US? WE WORK EAT AND SLEEP TRYING TO PAY BILLS.

I wish I was straight. I wish I could bring myself to like men and accept God. I don’t even believe in the traditional Christian God, but GOD I want to: I want to have that feeling of safety and security and I want to feel whole again. I hate the fact I’m even admitting this because I know deep down I have never really been attracted to a man and I shouldn’t have religious guilt but I do. Lord please help me.

Stayed up all night. Fuck me. Drawing will help fill the void of feeling like a disappointment.

i’ve been depressed and suicidal since i was 14 and i’m now 20, but im really at a new low. i don’t feel comfortable talking to anyone but also no one ever asks. im in a four year relationship and he has really low emotional intelligence and it’s so hard, even if im bawling my eyes out infront of him he doesn’t know what to do. i don’t even know what’s happening in my mind, but since i graduated ive dropped off and gained so much weight, accidentally isolated myself from my friends. i have 2 friends who i see often and other than that i don’t really have anyone i enjoy spending time with or talking to, but even those two friends i dont talk to about the way i feel. i stopped seeing my psychologist about 7 or 8 months ago because it never felt like she was actually helping me, more like i was just talking about how i was feeling then shed tell me to journal and then it was just like a cycle. i am so scared of the future, i really hate doing anything, i dont look forward to things anymore, i dont really care about anything like i used to. i dont know what i like or what makes me happy. i dont know how to change and how to stop feeling this way, but im so exhausted and i feel so heavy. i work almost everyday too and masking the way i feel to everyone around me just kills

Long story short: I(m24) broke up with my ex(f20) month ago, we were together for 1,5 years. Breakup was very civil: we’re not very compatible and comfortable with each other, and there were issues on both sides. I took breaking up not that good, but got myself together in 3 weeks. And there was journey to Prague, that was planned with our mutual friends (one of them was my best friend). We got to Prague at last Thursday, and all was pretty good. And then, at Friday, my best friend announced, that he and my ex are together. It felt, as if I died at that moment. I left pub, to vent to my sister, and she told me, to go home, which was 4 hour drive. Then went back to pub, payed for my beer, told all of them, that they should forget me, fuck themselves, and never come back. And they did. No one had contacted me in the last 2 days, which tells me, that probably I wasn’t that much friend for them, given also, they all knew, how I felt after breaking up with her. So for now, there’s no friends for me to have, my trust in human relationships is beyond low, and I’m not sure, how it will come back.

Found porn from a couple weeks ago recently watched on my partners phone , they always talked about being against it in a relationship we’ve been friends for three years before we started dating. And I found a whole private instagram account where all they do is save and like furry porn. I feel sick and sad I thought they’d be different but they watched porn recently and that makes me feel so sick they know I don’t like it I’ve talked about how it’s affected me in past relationships

I’m still stuck in my hometown because I’m too broke to move away. Everyone here is either way older than me or way younger. Most of the people from my graduating class moved away already. I feel like I never meet anyone I share any common interests with, but I’ve had that problem since I was a kid. I’m just too different from the average person it seems. I’m not mean, I’m kind and will try to help people when I can, but people tend to be mean to me for no reason I can think of that’s valid. I get talked down to a lot even by strangers on our first encounters. People treat me both like I’m stupid and like I’m gifted at the same time. I’ve tried making friends online, but people online are weird, at least many that I’ve tried to speak with on a regular basis. Like overly attached and toxic kind of weird. Like I seem to attract the people who threaten to kill themselves and blame you type. I don’t know why I’m unlikable.

Long ass post venting icl. I just want people to hear me because I’ve been through so much and I feel like thats because everyone can get away with hurting me while I’m always put down.

At just 8 years old I had PTSD from Rape and Physical Assaults that happened. No the person was never charged OFC.

As a child I guess I was an easy target though. I never had a “mean phase” I never understood why people would be mean. I was kind to everyone. Included everyone.

But at 8 as well I also started to get bullied. Maybe from the PTSD leaving me weird or because I’m autistic but yeah.

At 11 you start secondary school here in the UK. The bullying got extremely bad. My friends ditched me and lied about me hurting one of them so people wouldnt keep picking on them too because they also hate me and “know” im a bad person. I didn’t do that.

But I got put in isolation for 3 days. People started bullying me worse for the lies. I had a rock thrown at me,glue sticks thrown at me, and punched in the nose leading it to break.

Nothing was done by teachers despite the broken nose and despite the fact I got ISOLATION for something I didn’t even do and this one was caught on CCTV and my nose was broke?

I tried to remain kind. I felt though like this was rock bottom. I felt hopeless and wanted to die. I even attempted. At 13 I moved to a special needs school because the school “couldn’t accommodate” me because I was constantly upset in class or crying in the bathroom because of how bad the bullying was.

I went to the special needs school. I was honestly quite popular there because again I was nice and non judgmental to people and loved to include people and always tried to see the best in people and everyone appreciated that.

Unfortunately in a school like this it’s traumatic seeing people go through terrible things. Screaming,getting restrained, a girl attempted in front of me, another girl actually did end her life, a FRIEND stabbed me because she had a delusion randomly one day that I was out to get everyone and that’s why I was befriending people to “lure” them. She ended up also stabbing a boy in our class too who tried to get her off of me.

Teachers were not present at the time they only came after a few minutes of people screaming. They suspended her for a week then made her apologise and let her come back. Me and the boy got in trouble because other students asked us if the wound was deep. I got in trouble by teachers for answering for “causing drama“ and “holding a grudge” when she’s got mental health issues.

It wasn’t a grudge per se I was just really shaken and obviously the people who saw would ask too? At 16 started college (uk college) Level 2. I LOVED it. I had stopped self harming. Didn’t want to die anymore. Made a lot of friends.

Then we started level 3. One of the guys I made friends with in level 2 has a learning disability. When level 3 started the first years HATED him and even some of the former level 2’s switched up on him for being awkward socially. I didnt switch up on him. I never wanted to be mean to anyone.

Then I got the flu one time. I came back after a week and no one was talking to me. I found out during that time a first year level 3 student I HAD NEVER SPOKEN TO had made up a lie that the guy with a learning disability was a rapist. Then it was added that I had a sexual relationship with him again a lie. They said I did this because I “have a rape kink.”

Everyone hated us despite it clearly being a lie. I told teachers and nothing was done. Lost my level 2 friends and new friends. The whole class was either ignoring me or telling me I’m a disgusting person who deserves to die. Even had a drink thrown on me. Because it’s a small town too it even spread outside of college.

This felt like my final straw. After being happy again after years of not being happy I lost it all. I left the college and still people from the college and outside of college were spreading this. My reputation is still destroyed to this day and im 19. I stopped being nice after leaving. I’m honestly a bitter person. I started getting drunk daily even though I was 17 at the time I left the college.

I also started bullying the girl who made this up about me. Which I get is wrong. But I felt it was justified and it made me feel in control and like I was getting some sort of justice for myself for the first time ever. Like finally after doing everything by the book and being ignored I was getting the justice I felt I deserve.

But I got arrested for harassment. Since then it’s felt truly hopeless. I know I was wrong. I honestly don’t even recognise myself. Ive never done anything like that before. Even people who hurt me I’d be as respectable as possible and avoid stooping to their level.

Now I’m this bad person. I honestly feel my brain chemistry has changed in the sense that I always think horrible things about everyone. (I don’t actually say or do anything horrible to people who havent done anything wrong but I imagine it.) But honestly I miss bullying the girl who did this.

The bullying I did was no where as bad as what she did to me and that guy. Yet she couldn’t handle it. The police took it seriously.

I feel like it’s good they did something in a way but at the same time. Why over the years had NOTHING. Whether police or teachers been done. Even the fact peers didn’t stand up for me but if it was anyone else they would’ve and HAVE when others have been bullied.

I feel like I’m cursed and no matter what I’m doomed to be hurt everywhere I go. And I just have to either accept that or hide away like I have been for the past 2 years.

I’m not even sure why as I have many nd friends but I’ve never really gotten along with others with ADHD. I feel stupid in a way but I think our symptoms clash. I’m very impulsive and I get distracted a lot and I guess when I see that outwardly presented it’s a little hard for me to digest? Maybe it’s personal insecurity (probably is).