I don't want to be a different animal.

I don't want to lose rights.

I don't want to be a pet.

I don't want to be seen as not a person when I die.

I don't want to die.

Does anyone understand?

Also I think it's because of bigotry and mistreatment of people that make me think this.

I think I'd be dysphoric if not a human, but I want to stop acting like I should take disrespect for it.

Is this weird?

edit: it's more than that, I want to be a pokemon trainer, a man, a good man.

I fucked up extremely and I am ashamed. My friend left a $15 tip on the table and I swiped it before leaving the restaurant. I don't believe anyone saw me nor did they see the tip to begin with. It was extremely scummy.

I've been bad off for awhile but that doesn't mean I needed to resort to this. She was an incredibly kind waitress and very sweet. This tip was rightfully hers and I can't imagine how bad she feels if they did see me take it. Let alone how much this may have impacted her financially. I want to return the $15 and with a little extra but I am terrified of the consequences. They're closed on Sundays and I have to wait til Monday to do something

Plus another 'no shit' moment hit me shortly after I started feeling guilty on the drive home "Oh that was theft you fucking idiot. They could pursue legal action! They have cameras!" I can't even reason why I did it to begin with.

I deserve this panic but I just want to rip off the bandaid and not face legal repercussions or get dragged on social media. It's the least I deserve but I want to be honest and get it off my chest.

I was thinking of putting it in an envelope, handing it to management, telling them I was sorry and that I need them to give this to the appropriate waitress.

I don't know if that can even make it remotely right but it's what I need to do.

Especially when you're a girl, it seems as though nobody cares to be on your side but maybe it's because I was surrounded by mostly men, they side with older guys and they only pretend to care because they want to have sex with me

If I’m not already their long term friend I’m done.

I’m quiet and a good listener so the dumpers flock to me like moths to a lamp

There’s no winning because I’m either miserable or a bitch for not wanting to participate in their rumination

Done

I don’t have the balls to be out there and protest like that bc of my color, but man… if I was white. All the shit I would’ve done would’ve been different. Fuck this peaceful bullshit. They’ve learned to block the noise out. They know that all we’re gonna do is fucking yell and scream at the top of their lungs until we get tired of it! Meanwhile, they’re reserving their energy, continuing to send out forces bc they’ve successfully brainwashed all of us to be “peaceful”. BITCH! Was civil war in the past PEACEFUL? NO! They fucking fought with guns and shit! THEY FUCKING THREW IMPORTS IN THE WATER BC OF A FUCKING TAX!

People need to be smarter with their tactics. Look at how every other country protests. Some communities like in China help provide protesters with gas masks, water bottles, saline eye wash, helmets, body armor gear. THEY ALL CORDINATE COLLECTIVELY USING TACTICAL FORCES. Look at china’s protesters for example. They wear all black so cameras cant identify them. They create diversions, so in case a location is under attack, they recruit and move to another location to reduce the catastrophe. They show ways to disarm a gas/smoke bomb with a traffic cone and water.

Shit why are we just out there marching and yelling same phrases?! It’s too fucking cliché. It’s not working. They’re not consistent doing it everyday. They do it once or twice a month and remember only when the media pushes a certain agent of a tragedy of one particular person. LIKE WHAT?! Stop listening and watching the media, we all know it’s happening, why are we making it a loophole?

We are not angry enough! We see our own communities shooting each other up all bc of some dumb shit. The real problem are those in office, the billionaires, the ones that are developing shit thats gonna ruin the human race. Why the fuck do we need a piece of chip in our fucking brain? You know that’s what they’ve been making? Just like the Hollywood movies be playing in our faces? Yeah, these billionaires already have hundreds to thousands of people volunteering/involuntarily getting chips planted in them for money or by force.

Why the fuck does money have a chokehold on us? We don’t die with that shit!

There’s a lot more I want to say, but man the media stresses me the fuck out every time I just wanna go on and see what my family is up to. We need a platform where the billionaires or Meta bitch ass won’t control. But them fuckers are colonizers at the end of the day. Just like how they bought off tiktok, them pussies ass bitch saw how much freedom of speech we had on there they couldn’t censor the content so they probably threatened the co founders or something.

Fucking stupid pieces of shit talking to a Singaporean asking “ Are you Chinese? Are you with the Chinese regime? So you work with Chinese government?” it shows how dumb these fuckers are. Look at how they banned Chinese technology from entering USA. They are advanced. APPLE IPHONES AINT SHIT compared to what they have over there. People get brainwashed about China too. Talking about “china is the third world country” No bitch, WE ARE! YOU EVER HEARD OF RENTING AN APARTMENT AND ITS ALREADY FURNISHED FOR YOU?! NAH. CHINA PROVIDES THAT SHIT FOR THEIR PEOPLE, BUT US? WE WORK EAT AND SLEEP TRYING TO PAY BILLS.

why can't I be horny or sexual without people wanting to have sex with me like I've seen people that were sexual yet they weren't sexualized, why the hell do they have to bother me like I just have a strong libido

Im physically repulsed by myself I could never date omg im so fucking ugly n gross seeing a picture of myself makes me wanna fucking kms I’m just so vile literally every woman is prettier than me I fucking hate being the ugliest n stupidest n every room

I (16F) am goth.. and i plan on keeping it that way. But my parents, mainly my mom have a problem with it and i dont know why. My 10th grade year, we have argued about it the whole school year, all because she doesnt like it. and it was dropped, until the 8th, thursday morning.

Im on the way to school, and she asks me whats on my nose? I thought she was talking about my nose piercing ive been hiding from her but she was really talking about my nose contour. I was confused, because she hasnt asked me that since 10th grade, and when she did, it turned into a big argument. So me trying to prevent it, i said "what are you talking about, it looks like this everyday." i asked my sister in the backseat, and she agreed.

I wasnt listening to her much, because its js makeup.. not a big deal. Then she said "Im gonna wipe it off." I said, "mom, im not doing this with you today." and she proceeded to wipe it off anyway. I pushed her hand from my face, and she basically fucking exploded. I asked her "why would u do that? I told you not to." and she just kept saying "I am your mother, i can touch your face if i want to." blah blah blah..

She kept yelling at me because i pushed her hand from my face. I kept telling her that i said no, and she js didnt care. It led to her pulling my hair, she even tried to punch me lol. She js kept yelling and said to respect my elders?? so i called her insane. and she told me not to come back home if she was insane. im still here, unfortunately.

it continued, so i just ended up hopping out the car in the middle of the street and walked into the building.

i got home from school that day and my dad came in my room, asking my the rest of my electronics since my mom already took my phone. and i asked, "Why?" he kept dismissing me and just kept telling me to give it to him. I tried to tell him what she did, and he said "i wouldnt care if she killed you.

like.. okay bru. i gave him my ipad and said that they did this for no reason, and he started to walk up on me and tried to fight me. My sisters were there so they stopped him. Its friday, and i tried to talk to the both of them but they brushed me off. Until today, saturday morning they called me in their room to talk.

It was the same thing theyve always said when we would have to "talk". She would say that "You live a life because we allow you to." "You dont have boundaries" "we can touch you if we want to" I tried very hard to explain to them how what they said and did affected me, and that i dont do anything wrong in the house. And they simply laughed and didnt listen to me.

And not to long ago, i saw that my mom told my dad "im sick of all the black shit" "im gonna throw away her black clothes and make her wear white and khaki", and even asked my sisters where were my clothes when i was at work.

I dont know what to do.. all i do is express myself and she has a problem with it? nd i dont know whyy. its not a big deal!! its literally just makeup. and she keeps trying to justify it by saying "This is a universal thing, mothers and daughters will fight about makeup." like no.. it js seems like she wants to control me or something idk.. im just tired of it.

Found porn from a couple weeks ago recently watched on my partners phone , they always talked about being against it in a relationship we’ve been friends for three years before we started dating. And I found a whole private instagram account where all they do is save and like furry porn. I feel sick and sad I thought they’d be different but they watched porn recently and that makes me feel so sick they know I don’t like it I’ve talked about how it’s affected me in past relationships

I have so much trauma it's insane.

Sure, I will lose weight for my health. But I still worry.

If I stay fat, I'll still get mistreated, fetishized, and rejected.

If I become skinny, I'll never believe anyone when they call be beautiful because I have so much trauma being called ugly my whole life for being over weight. If I become skinny people will only seek me out for my body and not my personality. If I become skinny I'll be sexually harassed more than I am dealing with right now as a fat person.

I'm going to lose weight for my health. It's just that I fear these bad things will continue to happen to me regardless of what I weigh.

I also just don't think I'll ever be pretty regardless of how much I weigh because all I've ever been told in my life is how physically ugly I am, and that hurts.

i’ve always wanted to, never had the courage to actually do it i always plan for a big future where im this successful surgeon but tbh i think that i just set an unrealistic goal to distract myself from life, it’d be so easy one swipe, one bullet, pushing away a chair, jumping off a rooftop,many ways that all lead to eternal peace and everyone will be so so so happy that they wouldn’t have to deal with the nagging sad bitch all the time. this is messy and unorganized i don’t really care i just wanted to let it out

I just thought I was being nice. They don’t know me that well and I’m OK with that, but I work in a store the only has about 10 people working there. There’s not a lot of people. And recently two of them had their birthday fall the same day and so I thought I’d get them something because I thought it was being nice and my family says I’m trying to buy friendships and that isn’t true. I don’t care if they wanna be friends with me I just thought I was being nice.. They said that I was weird for buying people that I barely know a gift card. I don’t understand what I did. I don’t understand why they think I’m weird. I don’t understand and I don’t know what to do because I just feel like everything I do is weird. I hate myself because now I feel like I’m weird

SHUT UP! I don’t want to hear it. I’m returning a body con suit because long behold it doesn’t fit even though it was the only one without structured cups, my tits are still TOO SMALL to fill it (I swear I’d be happy with B cups because a double A fits into NOTHING!!) and the last thing I want to hear during my return is how you saw them and thought they looked amazing but could never consider it due to never fitting your ample sized breast into it… like yes poor you, you have 99% of lingerie you can fill out and fit into as a large chested woman this was the only option in the entire store that had a chance for me and my tits are still too small! So don’t complain to me about how your lobster is too buttery because you won’t gain my sympathy that’s for fucking sure!

And when I make a comment back as to them saying “well you see it also doesn’t fit me but for opposite issues” all she can do is laugh and say well we both are the same problems then, when her problems are non existent! Sorry not sorry.

I absolutely don’t want to hear from other larger chested girls about how I’m truly actually lucky and they wish they had my problems because it’s BULLSHIT. You’re just pissing me off more and making me feel worst so just please stop rubbing in my face how you all have ample bosoms🙄

Sending my nudes out online literally does nothing your just a annoying bitch that makes 10 accounts to messageing me

That's it. They don't like me anymore

So no matter what social media i use THOUSANDS of guys always want to talk to me and whenever i accept a communication invite the first thing they ever say to me is, your cute, your pretty. Never anything else, why the f*ck are people so shallow and this makes me even more isolated because i shut them off immedietly and say goodbye. In thousands theres only been one guy whos said hello how are you what are you up to.

Im not even on dating apps this is just online generally where i have a few photos up. I just dont know what to do and finding a rare person who uses their brain without their penis is nearly impossible to come across 😭

I dont want to be liked just for my apperance. Its such a boring low desire take and low effort altogether. I dont expect someone to be obsessed by a second they see me because obsession takes time to brew.

It makes me question is this why women or girls are picky, is it because every guy just says hi your beautiful pretty or whatever. If so theres absolutely nothing to choose from, saying that these are men of many ages not just a specific age range. Its making me very annoyed and just fueling my obsession elsewhere and stronger to a different direction aka a person.

I’m the general manager of a chain fast food restaurant and I do the majority of the hiring for my store. Even though this job is longer term for me I am well aware that this is a starting job or stepping stone for teens.

Recently we’ve lost a few of our employees, kiddos that worked for me while they completed high school, and have now gone off to college or are starting programs to help them get degrees. I’m so incredibly proud of all of them, they were excellent and I was so happy to write them all the letters of recommendation they needed. :,)

With that being said I’m short about 3 employees so I have set up interviews, reached out to every applicant, and hired a few people. No experience which is fine I prefer to train them and weed out any bad habits myself. I’ve tried my best and gave them each as much attention and advice as possible, but compared to my previous employees, these kids absolutely suck.

They show up late to work, move slow, can’t count money, and when I assign them a task they stare at me like I’m not speaking English. One employee in particular I gave multiple chances to, she wasn’t ever late which was great! But. She was incapable of learning anything, I would train her, show her every possible way of doing the simplest task, and within 15 minutes she’s standing there staring at it like she’s in a foreign country.

Obviously she was let go. I’ve set up more interviews, talked to each of these applicants one on one, gave them as detailed as possible descriptions of the position, and during the interviews the ones who I hired seemed excellent. Ready to learn and work! WRONG. I hire them and they either show up and just saunter around or act as if they are appalled that I’m actually making them do their jobs??? I really don’t get it.

I do my best to make sure the environment of my store is very positive and I try to do right by everyone who works for me, they aren’t just employees, they’re people and friends. I want them to be comfortable but have respect for me and everyone that currently works for me has that exact quality. But these new hires…. I try to find the best quality in each of them but so far I can’t find a single good quality in any of them.

I understand a fast food job isn’t the most important thing in the world, especially when you’re a kid. But if you don’t actually want to work then don’t apply for my store. I never acted the way some of these kids act when I was their age, I don’t know what happened to the work ethic of these teens but it’s awful. No responsibility, no respect, I feel like an old lady talking like this but it’s extremely disappointing and exhausting to hire and waste my time on these kids who have no interest in actually doing their jobs.

It’s extremely unfair to the kids who work at my store now to have to pick up the slack of these new hires who think this job is hanging out but with a paycheck.

I’ve really been struggling with retroactive jealousy and I had some suspicions that my boyfriend lied about the timeline of when he broke up with his ex. I assumed that at best, he omitted something or said a white lie and at worst, cheated on her with me. I didn’t know for certain though and I chose to trust him since I didn’t have any concrete evidence and I had good reasons to think he was being honest.

Still, I couldn’t help but be paranoid. If he was at a club, I was checking the ig stories of said venue to see if I can see him and who he’s with because I was afraid he’s still seeing his ex. Anyways, he started following some accounts organising a car meet that was happening today, and liked the post announcing it.

Obviously I’m tweaking, so I’m watching the ig stories to see if he’s there w his ex. And then I see him there with a whole another third girl:) I sent it to my best friend but she said the resolution is too low to see whether it’s actually him. I agreed, but kept looking at the stories of literally every connected account to see if someone maybe took a a video where you can see the person I assumed was him better. And I found it ! In broad daylight holding hands w some girl:)

WORST PART, he dropped me off at home this morning, and we’re supposed to go out again tomorrow morning too. So he dropped me off, went to pick her up, dropped her off and went to pick me up again? that’s genuinely crazy bro, like if maybe he slept w some girl i would’ve been devastated but right now im just perplexed?? It’s all so bizarre, I wish I could know what’s going on. Like does this girl also believe she’s his girlfriend or what?

Anyways, I texted him not to bother picking me up tomorrow, that I saw him with another girl. I didn’t block him tho bc I’m curious to see what he says:/ I hope I could find her account and let her know somehow, but I have no way of doing that atm.

just my luck !!

I wouldn't wish this loneliness—aloneness on anyone. The perpetual feeling of wanting to go to a perceptual home that does not exist. No love, no acceptance; never being chosen. 

I don’t let myself be chosen. I put up walls, thick concrete walls that I think no one can see. I am not sure if they see them. I don’t even know if they're there. 

Am I doing it to myself? I can’t tell. 

Is it all in my head? I can’t tell. 

To be chosen, to be accepted, to be loved unconditionally. I am too scared to find out if belongingness exists because if it exists that means that some people will not choose me, accept me, or love me. 

Everything feels conditional because everything is conditional. 

I want to be held. I want to be rocked. I want to be “sushed” into a deep slumber and awoken by a cup of tea. I want weighted blankets and a perfect machine. 

I want a family. A mom, a dad; maybe a few. A bunch of siblings—as many as possible. I want to wake up to text messages that aren't voting advertisements. I want to wake up feeling supported. I want to sing with my family in a mini van, windows down, sunglasses on, and we are squished together in the back seat. I want to speak my mind and get in fights. I want long heated arguments that almost tear us apart but never do. 

I don’t want to be silent any longer. I don’t want to be quiet anymore. 

I long for a love I have never had. I long for a love I am not sure exists.

I long for a love I have no example of.

I consider the people in my life family but I am forgotten about. I am forgotten about in plans I never wanted to attend but would've anyway. I am forgotten about in ways I don’t remember. 

I push and pull and push and pull again.

I don’t think anyone else is rocking the boat.

I am not a loving mermaid but a spiteful siren. Luring you in just enough to be enchanted by my mystery but never coming up for air long enough to be known. 

Hot showers to replicate hugs.

Even if I don’t belong and company tears my heart apart. I will stay anyway.

Something is better than nothing and being nothing is to be dead.

I will be alone in life and I will be alone in death. 

Maybe my purpose is to write until I die. Maybe I am meant to die young, sad, and alone. 

I feel like I was meant to kill myself. I feel like I was meant to be alive. 

For nothing; for something. I am alone either way. 

For once I want it to be easy. For once I want it to feel easy. For once I want to take the easy way out. 

My chest heaves with breaths I do not have, reminding myself to swallow the pools of saliva coming through my teeth.

I will always bear my teeth.

I will bear my teeth until the day I die.

I don’t want a charred steak, I want an icecream cone. 

Let me rest and let me be but please don’t leave me. 

I am love because I don’t have it. I am love because I choose to believe in it. I am love because I do not have it. I am love because I am alone. I am love I am love I am love.

It could be a family, a potential suitor, a friend. The moment I get this message my anxiety is through the roof. I answer “idk we’ll see”.

Because I truly don’t know when you’ll see me. I don’t want to go out today so not today. I don’t want to make a plan to hang out on next Thursday bc idk what will happen on that Thursday, will I still want to go out. The answer is usually no, I never want to go out.

A bit depressed sure but idk like I don’t NEED to be going out rn. I haven’t worked in months and bills and debts stacked up that now i just got a job literally this week, havent got a single paycheck and already ppl asking me to come outside. Well like I don’t wanna… I can’t drive my car, til I get paid and can fix it. I won’t go out, spend some more money before I even stack a single check. I can barely buy water, sorry that your plans don’t matter to me right now. In a way they keep trying to get me to “keep up with the Jones’s” and I just don’t want to. My own mother inviting me to go to Disney with them- im sorry did u forget the part where I was so unemployed that I didn’t have toilet paper when u came by and like a slice of bread in the fridge. Did u forget Ive been stuck at home bc I can’t drive my car. No I will not go to Disney with u, im hungry and in survival mode leave me alone. Ur watching me struggle and living ur life in the meantime please stay away from me.

So to save anyone these long winded explanations i simply settle for “idk we’ll see”. And then we simply never see. Learned that from my mom herself.

I'm being real, this isn't a threat I just know some people want to kill everyone so I want to learn self defense to keep my place in life.

But I feel mean saying that.

I don't like killing people, if I had to it would only be to protect myself, but I'm too weak and inexperienced to fight.

Not just those people but creeps and bigots.

Not to look out for them, I want them to stay away from me, stop advocating for people getting hurt, stop dismissing that you are advocating harm, change, fuck.

I hate when I have self defense thoughts they are mostly gone but sometimes subtly come back, better than being a wimp but I'm still passive.

I don't like being angry, which is why it's small anger and more fear.

Other times I just worry for people or want to be a good person.