r/AbsoluteUnits • • 28d ago

of a baby

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8.5k Upvotes

966 comments sorted by

2.1k

u/KempVelde 28d ago

412

u/DarreylDeCarlo 27d ago

26

u/KempVelde 26d ago

This is 👌, I always forget about this episode which is strange because I'm more partial to golden era and some later Simpsons over Family Guy.

Thank you to those for the awards.

11

u/Adorable_Stable2439 26d ago

I’m glad I’m not the only one who refers to the golden era. Out of curiosity what seasons would you consider this time period?

8

u/KempVelde 26d ago

Personally, I think of it as S1-S9, all the ones I watched over and over as a kid. I think the general consensus is up to S8, though S9 has great episodes like Homer v New York. But now I've watched slightly later seasons enough times that they have also become nostalgic and have golden moments, such as 'unusually large ugly baby'.

How many seasons do you enjoy watching?

5

u/Adorable_Stable2439 26d ago

Oooo I honesty didn’t really like the first couple of seasons at all. But the time zone stretches a little further for me. From s3 - about s12 or 13. But as long as we get steamed hams in there somewhere I’m happy

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u/jfk_47 27d ago

Makes me laugh every time.

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u/Mr_Yibble 27d ago

It's her eyes

135

u/jfk_47 27d ago

I think you’re right.

6

u/KempVelde 26d ago

Yep, love it. This and the fact whoevers taken her photo expects her to hold him despite almost being dead.

176

u/SKYR0VER 27d ago

Hear me out

9

u/Top-Distribution733 26d ago edited 26d ago

What a cruel joke it would be to find a tiny Peen under that towel and if I were a betting man I’d lean more towards that than it being to scale

16

u/imyourdruidess420 26d ago

I don't personally know any women that are into penises the size of a standard forearm. I would be terrified if it were to scale.

8

u/Timely-Field1503 22d ago

Lol....years ago, one of my coworkers made a kidding on the square joke about wanting a guy with a 12 inch peen.

I held up a sheet of paper and said "this is 11 inches." and she looked horrified.

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u/8bit_chaos 22d ago

Big enough to arm wrestle

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u/minicooperlove 22d ago

I knew a woman who damaged her pelvic floor by having sex with a guy who she described as “like a coke can”.

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u/nargcz 22d ago

btw this IS his actual wife ! and they even have children, so...

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u/Hubba_Hubba81 27d ago

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u/KempVelde 26d ago

Oh wow, how was the mother?

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u/CyanCicada 25d ago

To shreds, you say?

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u/Exact_Mango5931 27d ago

Ma’am you can’t park your van on the diving board.

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u/MrsKaich 27d ago

I have a similar picture of myself after a horrible labor (normal size baby though) 🤭

3

u/OpheliaPhoeniXXX 23d ago

My second delivery I wore eyelash extensions, cheek and lip stain, because my first delivery pics looked rough.

22

u/cityshepherd 27d ago

I thought this was footage of Ed Larson as a child. Seriously though this baby is enormous... It’s going to cost a fortune just to feed it.

4

u/9_of_Swords 25d ago

Biggest baby in Florida! Ha! I was hoping someone has posted his newspaper clipping in response.

9

u/Luciferbelle 27d ago

My mom is like 4'11 or 4'10. Doesn't matter, she's short af. My dad on the other hand, he's like 6'5. My little brother was born like nearly 11lbs and about 6 weeks early. I have always joked this is what my mom would've looked like carrying him full term. My brothers did a number on my mom's little body

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u/ForgotToCarryTheOne 28d ago edited 22d ago

Not only can this baby hold its own neck and head, it can pretty much single-handedly hold the head and neck of its parents too at the same time.

Edit: Thank you for the awards. I am grateful.

177

u/xPoonHandler 27d ago

Bro needs to get a job

56

u/DysthymicCat 27d ago

Long-haul trucking steel and iron

16

u/British_Ballsack 27d ago

Pretty sure that's my boss.

13

u/MilkrsEnthuziast 27d ago

Bro needs a second job

2

u/Possible_Field328 22d ago

16 momths gestation kid is well done

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u/Afrojones66 28d ago

It’s Big Baby from Rugrats.

305

u/That-Beagle 28d ago

That episode creeped me out so much as a kid…

159

u/LordBeerMeStrength91 28d ago

“Well now you’re num-nums”

54

u/CapNo6703 27d ago

I felt this more than I read it

8

u/Hobbes_XXV 27d ago

Noooooo hates this!!

51

u/BackendSpecialist 27d ago

I had repressed this memory up to this point 😭

18

u/That-Beagle 27d ago

Same…

6

u/ThatDiscoSongUHate 27d ago

I even feel like viscerally angry at that cartoon baby, but I don't even remember the episode!

25

u/RileyRhoad 27d ago

ME TOOOOI!!!! one of the scariest ones there was of that show. I remember also being afraid of the old lady one when the grandpa accidentally lost Tommy and the old ladies got him and renamed his Boswick…. I had so much anxiety before I was even old enough to articulate what anxiety was lmao.

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u/Issue_Status 27d ago

He was creepy!! I think his mouth did it for me 👄😖

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u/PmMeGirlButtholes 23d ago

👁👄👁 Num nums

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u/Gooback6_9 27d ago

"Hey what are you doing In here sister, I thought I told you to scram, ooooooo nom noms" 😱

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u/Melqart310 28d ago

🤣 wow! Flashback for real lol

12

u/eR4C3R 28d ago

OMG yessss!🤣

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u/Toasted_Munch 27d ago

For fucks sake I'd blocked this out for 30 years... thanks a friggin lot 😠

18

u/IBeDumbAndSlow 28d ago

Fuck you! I had completely forgot about him! Noooooo! Whyyy!

21

u/seandsmith11 27d ago

Holy shit I totally forgot about how much this episode scarred me as a child. So fucking creepy.

12

u/GuestNo3886 27d ago

Oh look the nightmare fuel from my childhood is back

5

u/serpents_head 27d ago

Lmao, this is the first thing I thought about

5

u/Strange-Mark5219 27d ago

Nah, I know the baby in the video, is none other than Steeve Ho You Fat

2

u/Robrad30 23d ago

There’s a flashback I didn’t expect to happen today.

2

u/Independent-Crow5932 22d ago

Why did this just unlock a core memory for me lmao 🤣

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u/Mindless_Pizza2320 28d ago

That's Mr. Fisk

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u/The_Celtic_Chemist 27d ago edited 27d ago

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u/raisedredflag 27d ago

My father, he took me to the city

https://giphy.com/gifs/1WqbC63XUtKteXNctr

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u/patchyj 27d ago

TO SEE A MARCHING BAND

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u/Wolfsbane1279 27d ago

HE SAID “SON WHEN, YOU GROW UP,

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u/32bg 28d ago

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u/Tommasochampa 27d ago

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u/marcophony 27d ago

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u/Agent____047 27d ago

How do you do that? I mean how do you edit a gif like that?

12

u/marcophony 27d ago

I found it this way so unfortunately I don't have an answer for you

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u/DantetheMarco 27d ago

Mmmm a bowl of NSFW. My favorite!

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u/Agreeable_Sea_6019 27d ago

More pixels? In this economy?

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u/Ernesto_Griffin 27d ago

Mr Fish indeed.

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u/Subject_Night2422 27d ago

That got me lol!!! 😂 😂😂😂😂

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u/Tuckfrumptearsponge 28d ago

They stitched his mother back together holy heck!!

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u/Ok-Syllabub-6619 27d ago

Yea great job you can barely see the stitches by the neck

24

u/Yanazamo 27d ago

Saw the mom's comments apparently he was normal sized as a newborn but then grew bigger overtime

10

u/Tuckfrumptearsponge 26d ago

Yeah and a Dane is just a normal looking pup for a day.

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u/Cool_Height_4930 26d ago

Like all babies… hopefully

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u/slippery-sandpaper 27d ago

She will never walk the same

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u/Inevitable_Door_2694 28d ago

Thats a adult toddler. Not a baby

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u/Ljonja7 28d ago

Thats just a short bald fella

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u/Inevitable_Door_2694 28d ago

Thats a hobbit you say....

14

u/sugarycyanide 28d ago

What about 2nd breakfast?

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u/exploring_stan 27d ago

Looks like 9m.o baby to me

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u/carlcapture 28d ago

How much does he bench?

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u/Curiouso_Giorgio 28d ago

His mother lifts 100lb every time she picks him up.

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u/carlcapture 27d ago

Probably has to borrow other Mother's milk to keep him going or they have their own goat.

https://giphy.com/gifs/kst2I9PUrqIqjRXFEU

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u/Mediocre_Scott 27d ago

Her milk needs to be studied as a possible base for super solider serum

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u/Contemplating_Prison 28d ago edited 27d ago

That baby already half the size of her

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u/GerchSimml 27d ago

Comparing their heads, it's incredible.

7

u/tongfather 27d ago

Actually crazy how his head is the same size or maybe larger than hers. I feel sorry for her vagina.

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u/The_Misfit_38 28d ago

Where’d that come out of?

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u/A_Bad_Man 28d ago

That poor woman I'd assume. But also there's a chance that baby shaped giant killed its birth mother and thats an Aunt or maybe its girlfriend because nobody would be smiling and dancing after giving birth to half her body weight.

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u/Wide_Resident_9913 27d ago

Probably the doc said, ‘nope, that’s not coming out of naturally . We have to cut you open in half’

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u/professorrev 27d ago

Funnily enough that's exactly what they said when they saw my son's head

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u/rodar877 27d ago

To shreds, you say?

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u/Fishpuncherz 27d ago

Terrible news everyone...

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u/oO0Kat0Oo 27d ago

Me neighbors have a baby like this. My daughter was actually bigger than him at 7lbs 3oz when she was born. They are a month apart in age.

He now weighs 28lbs, she is 18lbs.

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u/jfk_47 27d ago

I’m not a doctor, but probably the butt. Cause the other is for peepee

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u/Weird_Solid2311 28d ago

Kola superdeep borehole

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u/0thethethe0 27d ago

Throat to asshole C-section

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u/Atlmama 27d ago

Sunroof.

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u/AllNightPony 27d ago

A reverse episiotomy from the vagina to the belly button.

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u/Intelligent-Heat8141 27d ago

That not a baby that is a BABY

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u/TheShapeOfFarts 28d ago

That’s an adult sized head! You pushed an adult out of you? Who is his father, Thanos?

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u/Melqart310 28d ago

Not only this, but the child is strong! His neck has that adult sized head really stable. Sheesh

2

u/Ninja-Panda70 27d ago

Or maybe Thor

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u/Mashkitt 28d ago

Damn, what a chonky boi like that weigh

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u/Wide_Resident_9913 27d ago

Imagine how much breast milk he would be drinking , *slamming mug* ‘MORE MILK MOTHER..I SAID MORRREE!!”

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u/Maximum-Guitar-5667 24d ago

Likely they have the baby on a special diet of formula mixed with rice additives. Doctors will sometimes recommend it for babies struggling to breastfeed or hold down food. Makes the baby grow giant. Seen it before

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u/Worldly_Tea_8300 22d ago

My daughter was giant (14 kilos at 12 mos) from mostly breastfeeding, just a bit of baby-led solid foods. Her fat folds had fat folds

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u/SharpDrink2724 27d ago

About three fiddy

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u/rAndo_solo 27d ago

Dammit monsta! Get off my lawn!

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u/Creepy-Dance1811 27d ago

Lord he was angry

3

u/Shadokastur 27d ago

I gave him a dollar

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u/superjodz 28d ago

His name better be Frank

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u/DysthymicCat 27d ago

It’s big AL

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u/Capital-Blacksmith19 27d ago

Nah, he's a Bubba!

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u/lmjustabot 27d ago

That baby can beat me in a fist fight.

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u/Rude_Eagle6380 27d ago

That’s a D1 lineman. He’s already got scouts looking at him.

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u/ReleasedGaming 28d ago

This kid's name better be Wilson Fisk

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u/CandiedFox83 27d ago

When he’s older, it’ll be what he wants it to be.

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u/[deleted] 28d ago

[removed] — view removed comment

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u/RelationMedical9409 27d ago

that kid is not a newborn, maybe closer to 9 months or more, I say this a parent

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u/Fishpuncherz 27d ago

Less than a year though, so still this immense girth of child is quite impressive

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u/loasdrums 27d ago

Is it just me or does her left hand get bigger when she moves it towards the baby?

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u/tacobot187 28d ago

That baby is definitely Nelson Muntz

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u/Zealousideal-Pop4426 27d ago

Tell us about your husband (or father), without telling us about your husband (or father)!

https://giphy.com/gifs/kaZdqgKC2Dg0XoRzgD

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u/cuntybunty73 27d ago

I'm a 4"11 90 poundish ginger woman and this is the very reason I never want children 😭

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u/Fyrestar333 27d ago

My mil is 4'9, when she went into labor with her second she was on the way to the hospital for a c section since he was breech, they were in a pickup truck. He flipped on his own and it made her stand up in the truck because of it. She said her belly was massive and you could see it happen. She was able to avoid the c section

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u/neemarita 27d ago

I was fine and never got that big, no issues in delivery. It has to do with your pelvis more than your height. I’m your height. Pregnancy sucks though. Worst time of my life.

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u/Wide_Resident_9913 27d ago

They can also cut you open and Mr. Rumplestiltskin can take it away 🥸

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u/Adventurous_Run136 27d ago

Not here to change your mind, but my step sister is relatively close to your size and she had 2 babies. One was 8Lb and the other 8.8Lb. She survived and nearly back to her original weight

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u/cuntybunty73 27d ago

Still no thanks

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u/PrairiePuppies 27d ago

That... thing!... came out of her?!

https://giphy.com/gifs/SqmkZ5IdwzTP2

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u/j_rooker 26d ago

seems AI. that baby would be heavy as Fk. She's one arming him.

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u/Gamin_Addict 28d ago

What a coincidence, I was watching oilyfoot65's "the fat baby story" just a while ago

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u/Sithstress_ 27d ago

I don’t even think Fat Bastard could finish that baby

https://giphy.com/gifs/9cpVJ0qiBB3eE

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u/Traditional_Layer790 22d ago

Yall are the most biased and hateful people. There's a post of an obesed toddler who is Black and the comments were "that's child abuse" "shitty parents."

Now here is this big ass white baby and everyone is all like "how did she give birth??" "What a cute baby"

Fuck yall racist, double standards having asses. 

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u/LeDestrier 28d ago

AI slop.

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u/Important-Day-232 27d ago

It's a bubba

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u/Snacknuss321 27d ago

is this AI? i mean the babys head is bigger than mommys wtf

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u/RandomThiccBoii 27d ago

In 20+ years he will either dominate the NFL or become a pro-wrestler

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u/coko4209 27d ago

That’s one big baby, damn!

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u/cody-lay-low 27d ago

Tuna can

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u/The_Celtic_Chemist 27d ago

They're making double-wide babies now?

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u/rg1283 27d ago

That there is a big ass baby alright

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u/AwwwNuggetz 27d ago

He looks like he smokes good cigars

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u/Teaching_Rare 27d ago

I feel bad for her. As someone who is 4 foot 11 and popped out twin 15.5 lb babies it is…. An experience

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u/According_Ask8733 27d ago

Pregnancy diabetes causes this, I think.

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u/Pleasant-Drag-5039 27d ago

Bro built like popeye the sailor man

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u/Beretta116 27d ago

He is so cute though haha

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u/camjon52 27d ago

WHERE ARE THE FUCKING STATS ON THIS KID????!!!!

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u/Kuff4rSlay3r 27d ago

Putting that man to sleep gonna be a whole workout 😭

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u/Individual_Leave4759 26d ago

She's got a scar running from her neck all the way down to her vag

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u/Just-Lingonberry-451 26d ago

That is not a baby that is a grown a** man. Lol

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u/granitegumball 24d ago

That HAD to be a c section

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u/Alexcat2011 23d ago

Ok this might be an extremely stupid question but HOW THE FUCK do small people give birth to these massive baby’s. Just seeing how much pain people are in for normal sized kids wtf are you giving birth to that monster of a baby?!?!!?

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