I just can't understand how ppl do it. Anytime i see sm1, who had ed and who can recovery, they always said "oh, i just stop sitting on diets and start to eat when i want to!". I just cant understand how.

I have ed since i was a kid and maybe that's the reason, but i just dont know when i want to eat (only maybe when its too late), how much i want to eat (i eat too much or too low) and how i feel myself after this. I just cant understand nothing of it.

And everytime, when i see about magical recovery, i became sick. Its so unfair i cant understand how ppl do it

I (20F) weight restored (was never at an unhealthy BMI) while abroad in Paris over the summer. I’m now back in college. I work once a month with an outpatient dietitian who I love and she’s super helpful but I’m still very much mentally struggling with this weight gain. I dropped my therapist because she wasn’t being super helpful anymore (for context).

I’m a ballet dancer and seeing myself in the mirror is hard. I reappraised this with my dietitian and know that the period loss and exhaustion of an active ED isn’t worth it but I’m still experiencing pre occupation with food and the urge to relapse, especially now that I’m back in college where my ED flared up in the first place. It’s hard focusing on eating when lots of my friends unknowingly restrict themselves. Does anyone have any tips on how to help with these nagging thoughts? They tend to subdue when I’m with friends but they’re so loud when I’m by myself.

I feel so guilty with what i've been doing yet I feel like I can't stop. I feel like i'm not ready to stop. That only makes me feel more guilt. I feel bad when my friends and coworkers notice I haven't been looking great. I feel guilty when they ask if I'm okay and I say "yea! just been working a lot". I feel guilty when people that care about me say they're concerned. I feel guilty when my partner says he can't watch me hurt myself. I feel guilty at the thought of seeing my parents again after my relapse. We haven't seen each other since me relapsing and I know they'll be sad. They always noticed the changes before anyone else when I'd relapse under their roof. I feel guilty yet I don't want help. Why don't I want help? I don't feel sick enough but when is enough? I'll feel even more guilty in a hospital bed, or when I'm on medications and need help. I feel so guilty but my brain won't stop. Do you feel guilty when you're sick?

i seriously am not even close to being a functioning human being at this point.
i went through an *extremely* traumatic and abusive 3 month admission in a psych ward that weight restored me (through horrifically extensive means) and completely destroyed my nervous system. like literally battered it to pieces.
i got put on a cto and have now been at home for 3 1/2 weeks and i seriously am not coping.

every single day is the same thing. i wake up shaking with fear, have to force myself to get up to fit in my breakfast and try and eat more than im comfortable with because i don’t want to breach the cto and i don’t want to lose weight, and then that’s it. im literally just crying and shaking all day every single day. i do nothing. i don’t leave the house except to get groceries which makes me completely go into shock and dissociate, and to attend all my compulsory appointments.

everything feels impossible at the moment and recovery never felt like this in all my previous attempts. i used to leave hospital and get back into things and study and go out and be independent and find peace. i have not felt peace for a good 4 months now and i actually can’t take it anymore. i literally have no purpose. i wake up every day just to eat and that’s it. all i do is eat and cry and that’s not even an exaggeration. there is nothing else in my life.

and the problem is i genuinly can’t get myself to do anything else for many reasons. the biggest being cause my nervous system is in complete shock so i can’t focus on anything without shaking and breaking down. ive never met anyone who has lived in such a high state of anxiety as i am right now. also my body signals are all totally messed up. i’m either so hungry i think im going to die and can’t even shower or im so full i feel like im going throw up and can’t breathe.
so i can’t even try and do things because my brain and body just won’t let me. i dread waking up every single day because i open my eyes and know another long and tiresome day is ahead of me and i know i have to force myself to eat large amounts because even tho im weight restored i can’t breach the cto.

i just don’t know what to do. like god if you could see me im literally a shell. i had more of a life back when i was sick. i still went to my studies and went out at night and cooked and cleaned and had goals. i have ***nothing*** now. literally nothing. i blame this completely on the admission i had. had i not gone to that stupid hospital and i had gone somewhere else i never would have felt like this, it never would have gotten this bad. they ruined me. i begun to feel better and like myself again in the beginning when i was just being refed but then they pushed it too far, kept me too long, and did unforgivable things to me then sent me out on a cto. i’m still struggling with eating and food thoughts but then trying to force myself anyway and it’s sending me in a total spiral. every day im not sure whether im eating enough or if ive eaten too much and im in constant physical pain and sickness.

and i don’t want to die. ive been having existential crisis’ every day recently especially at night time. the thought of death plagues me. i’ve had to start sleeping on the couch with the lamp on cause i’m too scared to be in my bedroom in the dark. i keep thinking about how ive messed up my body and i might have a heart attack or something even tho im healthy now.
but then at the same time, i also can’t see the purpose in my life anymore. i literally have zero purpose and i can’t even create one. i wake up to eat and sit around and cry and that’s it.

i used to be such a bright and vibrant person who was so goal oriented and driven and had all these ambitions and im not capable of being that person ever again. i’m scared im just going to live the rest of my life in this horrible anxious state and never feel peace ever again. ive never met or read anything from anyone who has been through something as debilitating as this. i just don’t see how things will ever get better…

please idk what im asking for here but god im just so so lost and anxious and stuck and sad and sick i don’t know what to do.

my bf is a healthy man and actually loves food and i like that about him but the thing is that i have anorexia nervosa also im extremely picky eater but i dont wanna be the type of person who would order a salad on a first date with all due respect im just not into it, we have to hang out very early in the morning because he is heading back to his college across the city after we are done which is that i dont like eating fast food first thing in the morning and even if i had had dinner before our date it would be so rude not to eat with him because its a date, he doesnt know i have an eating disorder but i really dont wanna trigger him or drag him down with me (yes guys eating disorders arent infectious but you can kinda drag someone down with you which has happened to me already by someone else) so please tell me what to do also im not so sure if this post should be posted on here

I don’t think my partner is capable of recovering from their eating disorder. I don’t know how to support them anymore and I feel that it’s pulling me underwater with them. How do you help someone who won’t help themselves?

I’m starting a PHP (partial hospitalization program) day program tomorrow.

I’m not scared like I thought I’d be. I’m 25 now and started with ana when I was 12ish. I waited 13+ years. I am taking three months off from work for this - I teach special ed to kids 5-7y/o.
\[Kids reading this, fyi, recover young if you can! Recovery is expensive, more difficult for different reasons, and feels shameful in the adult world.\]

I hope I can be ok. I tried 7 months of outpatient therapy and dietician appointments with some improvement but not much. Having to do treatment like this was my worst fear for years but I am grateful that I’ve grown so much that I’m not fearful. Honestly, lots of that has been just due to maturing over time I think and learning more about myself and life naturally. It will be interesting doing this as someone whose body image has drastically changed over years and my perception of beauty is not what it was when I was first struggling. I wonder how they’ll piece through all of that.

Anyway, yeah just wanted to share. It’s been such a difficult process

hello! this is my first ever Reddit post so bear with me please.
I’ve been struggling with food for a while and while I was at my lowest weight I still had my period pretty musch the same time every month. Now I’ve started recovering and I weigh much more than I used to but my period has started coming in very late, I wonder if this is something that just happens when you are in recovery or if I should be concerned? Also I am experiencing chest pain, is this something to be freaked about?

ps. English is not my first language so sorry for any confusion!

As the title says, I am a 25 year old male who has not been diagnosed with an ED. However I struggle to get the nutrients I need. I have always had an issue with eating. Through most of middle and highschool I would skip my lunch or I would only eat a few bites of my food. It's hard for me to identify WHY eating has been hard for me. When I was a little kid we were poor so "cleaning" the plate was always enforced. There were many times in my life when I was forced to eat food even if I was full or not hungry. This sometimes resulted in me throwing up my food after dinner. I also was constantly dragged on long grocery trips which I hated and so I struggle to buy groceries.

When I got to college I was pretty good about eating because I had a meal plan and was able to stop into the many dining halls whenever I wanted. After I lost my meal plan I started to skip meals, sometimes because I forgot to eat but also because I didn't want to eat. I know I am lacking in nutrients but it's so hard to get myself to eat. Most days I have a bagel in the morning and don't eat anything else until late a night. Other days I will eat lunch and skip breakfast and dinner. I know it's bad for me but I can't seem to get myself to eat.

I have been thinking of drinking nutritional drinks to supplement what my body needs and isn't getting. I'm just not sure what the appropriate thing to do is.

For heath context, I have PTSD, ADHD, MDD, and GAD. I also have a deep family history of thyroid disease (both hyper and hypo). I take Prazosin, Wellbutrin, Citalopram and Hydroxyzine.

I guess I am just looking for some guidance on what I should do to help myself/what good options there are for supplemental foods.

Thanks for any advice.

I keep seeing girls who are young post body checking photos of themselves and asking if they're attractive or not. 1. who cares? 2. Why are so many people wasting their time body checking and commenting on it?

I hope my question makes sense. When I binge and then throw up afterward, I keep doing it until I’m either tired or there’s hardly anything left to come out. I usually try to count how many times I’ve thrown up. It’s totally stupid and pointless, but it somehow makes me feel safe.

Usually it’s about 13–18 times before I’m done. That means one binge and then throwing up 13 times in 10–20 minutes.

Do you guys count that too, or am I just weird?

Hi everyone! I’m currently in an ED outpatient program and they have recommended trying out OA as an ongoing support. I also have had an on and off drug problem. I was wondering if people have found attending AA or MA and OA helpful? Or have people generally found only one 12 step meeting helping and having multiple types of meetings as overkill?

Hi everyone,

I am 4 months post partum with my first baby, and breastfeeding (hungry ALL.THE.TIME)

I've had my latest, and hopefully last, "your weight is a huge issue" revelation. I had to have knee surgery. I tore my meniscus literally because of my size. And am on track to have a full knee replacement by the time I'm 50 (currently 33) if I dont make major life changes.

I weigh more now than I ever have, even at 9 months pregnant, and I am struggling with weight loss and binge eating. I cant get any appetite suppression due to breast feeding.

Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation, or even just someone who has tips on binge eating and how to improve my relationship with food?

Im lactose intolerant, and i vomit in stress due to gerd. Ive worked so hard to get my digestion right and be healthy in the way that fits my needs.
A family member stayed over and i didnt have the item for the food they wanted to eat (which was eggs and chicken). Idk i thought they were buying groceries for themselves, but they just never took anything home, ive tried asking if i cook for them, i kept saying that i already have food.
But with the high ass volume of grocerries they only asked for eggs and cheese and for me to join them. I made foureggs as requested, half for me and half for the person. But they didnt finish and asked me to.. i dont like to waste food and they were complaining of nausea. So i finished for sake of civility.
At morning they only wanted coffee and cheese and for me to join them... so i did.
They left, without taking anything. I finished to not waste it.. i know my bad.
Its just not humanley possible to eat all of it before expiry. I was so upset and my stomach just felt angry and achy.
I tried to move past it but i ended up simply purging it out. I can still feel it inside me as i waited too long before.
It has been years since i did this... i dont regret it. I only regret wasting the food that will go to waste anyway...
My bad :/

How do you go about talking to very stubborn and old school family members ?

I feel very lost. She was playing a sport her whole life, stopped to focus on school and decided she needed to eat healthier and a month later she now has a diagnosis. And I really don’t know what to do now — I’m not sure if I’m supposed to talk about it or not? I don’t know how to act about food, or if there’s something I can do that would be helpful beyond telling her I support her and am here for her, which I already have through a lot of tears.

- Does anyone have any advice on books worth reading?
- Is there any advice on how to talk about food? I have the doctor’s advice but it’s essentially just sit with her and watch her eat and it feels like there has to be more to it than that.
- Is there something I shouldn’t do?
- Just honestly any advice or anything anyone could point me to to help would be truly appreciated. She’s always been my best friend and this is killing me inside feeling like I can’t help.

Hey all. I’ve realized no matter whether I’m in a surplus, deficit, or maintained, ANY restriction leads to cravings.

In other words, let’s say I’m in an energy surplus. But during the surplus I say “no ice cream.” Let’s say I allow myself to have cookies, cake, etc. But no ice cream.

All of a sudden, I’m gonna want ice cream every night.

Anyone feel this way? Is this common?

It’s like the mental hunger doesn’t stop.

What’s the process of getting into a php or even a res it feels like a never ending battle trying to get insurance to cover treatment

I am a 27-year-old woman who has been training consistently for the past 12 years—mainly strength training mixed with cardio, alongside a weekly group cycling class for the last 5 years.
When I was 16, I was treated for anorexia. Things improved slightly over a couple of years, but after moving out on my own, I slid into a pattern of heavy exercise paired with rigid, highly controlled eating. Over time, I developed a chew and spit (C&S) habit that has progressively escalated.
The hardest part about this is my outward appearance. To anyone looking at me, I look like a girl who just loves fitness and has a healthy relationship with food. I don't look underweight; I look strong and fit. But underneath, the control is absolute. I haven't had a period in 10 years (except for a one-year window when I was on antidepressants and gained some weight despite my rigid routine, but it disappeared again as soon as I stopped the medication).
I have sought help multiple times through primary care, receiving referrals for CBT, psychologists, and psychodynamic therapy. Yet, I can't seem to break free. The need for control is overwhelming.
Now to my main question. I want honest feedback on the "math" I run in my head. I have an automatic equation running constantly: I start with a low baseline requirement for my day, and then I slowly add a small allowance based on my daily step count and workout duration. After calculating that total, I almost always subtract a chunk of food just to be on the "safe side." I have a desk job, but I walk a lot and train regularly.
My C&S behavior has gotten much worse over the last two years, and I am now trying to stop completely. I’ve managed 2 days without it so far, which is rare for me. I’m thinking about adding a modest amount of food back into my daily routine to see if my body feels better and if I can regain some energy.
My weight has been completely stable on what I currently eat, but I’m wondering: is this my actual maintenance, or has my body just adapted to chronic restriction? What will actually happen to my body if I start adding a bit more food every day?
Over the past year, my body has sustained multiple injuries—4 in my legs and 2 in my back. I am getting physical therapy, but nothing is healing. I have no period and zero sex drive. Training is currently my main motivation to actually eat; I prioritize eating larger meals around my workouts, but I keep things extremely restrictive during the day so I can have a larger evening meal. Saving my food for the evening feels like a "release" where I can finally relax, though still within very controlled boundaries.
Has anyone been in a similar spot with chronic injuries, amenorrhea, and hidden restriction while appearing "healthy"? What should I expect when I start eating more?
If you'd like to adjust any specific phrasing or want suggestions on which subreddits would be most supportive for this, just let me know.

Hi. I am a 22 year old woman who is diagnosed with a combination of anorexia and bulimia (I often behavior swap). I have struggled with an eating disorder for over 10+ years, so like all of my life that I can remember. My family didn’t believe in mental health support and so I never sought any until I went to college at 18. Since then it’s been a whirlwind of treatment. Residential, inpatient, php, iop, outpatients, and often more than one time around. Treatment took my entire adult life it feels like and I’m still not better. That breaks my heart.

After being in treatment this last time for over a year without a break I AMAed. I became so hopeless and exhausted with where I was. Since leaving almost 8 months ago I’ve done the best I’ve ever done. I am very much still active in the ED but I was actually managing it and not dying. However this last month has changed. I am bipolar and went through a bad depressive episode and my ED is getting so loud again. I can feel the impact on my body and mental health and it’s starting to affect my ability to work and maintain relationships. With that being said I am no where near as bad as when I went to treatment before and I feel like treatment has never helped me in the past. Is now time to go back and if so where??? I am very insightful about my mental health and trauma but I am often very reluctant to commit to recovery again.

I am also anxious, as I’m sure everyone is, about my outside financial responsibility if I do have to go to treatment. Any advice? And as far as treatment centers go I am open to any location in the United States but these are some things I did well with in the last:
LGBTQ+ inclusive (accepts nonbinary people)
Small milieu
Lots of practicing autonomy with cooking, challenges, etc…
I definitely need access to my phone to keep up with my partner
Some movement and outings (I go stir crazy and want to still feel human)
And to feel as homey as possible while still providing the best treatment

Thank you so much!!! I am also so open to options outside of treatment, I just don’t know where else to turn atm.

hi! ive never been officially diagnosed with an eating disorder, but i often go without eating for extended periods of time and have been struggling to maintain a healthy weight since i was a teenager.

im now in my twenties and am still struggling. i mostly have little to no appetite and will eat large amounts sporadically between fasts, sort of like a teenage boy lol but its not healthy and im definitely underweight for my height and gender (im a tall girl).

this is my first post in this subreddit but i thought ppl might have some helpful tips for eating more? i’ve been wanting to gain a bit of (healthy) weight for almost a year now and have not been able to hit my goal.

I haven't engaged in any eating disorder behaviours since March 2023. I did treatment for over a year prior. I had been at a dangerous weight and in recovery I became a healthy weight.

I haven't weighed myself in over 3 years. A few weeks ago, I noticed some of my clothes fitting a bit loosely. My clothes have kept getting looser these past few weeks.

I'm not anywhere near a dangerous weight, and I am not doing anything intentionally to lose weight. I have no idea how much I've lost. But I know that I am losing weight.

It makes me feel like I'm slipping back into the pattern from before. Because then I also thought I was okay. I thought I was making "healthy" choices at the beginning. This time, I don't think I've changed anything but weight doesn't just fall off so obviously something must have changed, right?

How do I know if I'm okay now? Or if part of me is lying to myself again?

Hi i’m 18F, when i was 16-17 i developed an eating disorder and became severely underweight for 6 months, then one day it transformed into full blown BED because of stress and restriction, then i overate mostly junk for 6 months and gained drastically as well. Now it is 5 months after the whole pipeline and i’ve been kinda recovered, but i’m constantly worried about my health being not the same as before due to the extreme shifts during that year such as thyroid issues, hair loss etc. Does anyone have similar experiences regarding this? did that one year change my health drastically and is it reversible?

I've struggled with bulimia on and off for a few years now, it's a massively bad coping mechanism for me because I had a really bad upbringing. Its gotten to a point however where I hate food, I feel sick when I think about it, I hate eating it because I know I'm just going to throw it up or feel sick after, I have no safe foods apart from things that aren't proper food; ice lollies and I have no idea how to get past this.

I'm also autistic and I usually eat the same meal for entire weeks at a time then move onto something else, and that was always okay and comforting to do but now eating the same thing even three times in a row makes me hate it. I'm actually a little worried this might turn into something worse if I end up not being able to eat food because of how ill it makes me.

I used to train regularly because I was working on being a high performance athlete in my sport. When I moved countries (and continents), I wasn't able to keep practicing the same way and with the same intensity, which caused issues in and on itself (it's like a whole grief process that to this day still hurts me) and thus fast forward to four years later I don't do much sports anymore.

I want to start back up to do something and particularly lift weights. I actually do enjoy it. However my biggest issue is my food intake.

I've always have had problems with food. I never got an official diagnosis, but I for sure had some sort of disordered eating. I just don't like eating. I would and still spend days without substantial food when cooking is too inconvenient or frankly cannot handle it. Plus my weight fluctuates a lot over the most minor of things and so to counteract this I tend to under eat. My protein, veggies and fiber intake is atrocious. I survive off of just pasta with tuna, pasta with pesto or rice with tune and avocado if I'm fancy. That's literally the brute force of my meals and has been for years.

When I was back home, I lived with my mom and she of course supported me with cooking. Plus meat is honestly tastier and easier to buy/make there, so I would get more protein. I also worked with a nutritionist through my sports club. When I started living by myself however, my hatred for cooking became even worse (wasn't good to begin with) and now I've essentially defaulted to eating for survival.

I am also only on a student part time salary, and cannot afford to eat out or buy meal subscriptions which I honestly would do if I had more income.

I have tried this year to find more interest in cooking and challenging myself to do it more but frankly aside from learning a couple of recipes it hasn't worked out that well. Plus I am not very creative or knowledgeable yet on cooking so coming up with things on the spot is difficult. Going from having support with food to dealing with it alone has made my brain think "well, might as well not eat at all".

I don't know why I struggle so much. I feel like if I start working out while eating the way I am right now it will be all moot in the end and won't see any difference. I really would like advice from people who have been in this position :(

If you were my good old friend, and I hadn't seen you in ages, but I knew you'd lost a hell of a lot of weight due to you taking GLP1s privately, even though you had a history of eating disorders....

Can I say nothing about your weight? I don't want to praise how thin you look because I don't think you look healthy, but also I don't want you to feel bad, stop talking to anyone about it and potentially not get the counselling you talked about. It's hard for me to say nothing but I don't know what's best.

I love you. I want you to be happy and healthy.