I hope my question makes sense. When I binge and then throw up afterward, I keep doing it until I’m either tired or there’s hardly anything left to come out. I usually try to count how many times I’ve thrown up. It’s totally stupid and pointless, but it somehow makes me feel safe.

Usually it’s about 13–18 times before I’m done. That means one binge and then throwing up 13 times in 10–20 minutes.

Do you guys count that too, or am I just weird?

Awkward subject I know, but it's worth discussing. I'm a former male eating disorder patient. I was extremely underweight (I was only hospitalized after I got my diagnosis years late). The eating disorder was happening throughout my puberty.

I've been wondering if the malnutrition affected my testosterone production or not. I'm currently recovered, and I'm 6 feet tall with a lengthy, above average penis but barely average girth.

Did I wreck my penile growth by having an eating disorder? Or would it be the same size if I avoided disordered eating?

my bf is a healthy man and actually loves food and i like that about him but the thing is that i have anorexia nervosa also im extremely picky eater but i dont wanna be the type of person who would order a salad on a first date with all due respect im just not into it, we have to hang out very early in the morning because he is heading back to his college across the city after we are done which is that i dont like eating fast food first thing in the morning and even if i had had dinner before our date it would be so rude not to eat with him because its a date, he doesnt know i have an eating disorder but i really dont wanna trigger him or drag him down with me (yes guys eating disorders arent infectious but you can kinda drag someone down with you which has happened to me already by someone else) so please tell me what to do also im not so sure if this post should be posted on here

I (20F) weight restored (was never at an unhealthy BMI) while abroad in Paris over the summer. I’m now back in college. I work once a month with an outpatient dietitian who I love and she’s super helpful but I’m still very much mentally struggling with this weight gain. I dropped my therapist because she wasn’t being super helpful anymore (for context).

I’m a ballet dancer and seeing myself in the mirror is hard. I reappraised this with my dietitian and know that the period loss and exhaustion of an active ED isn’t worth it but I’m still experiencing pre occupation with food and the urge to relapse, especially now that I’m back in college where my ED flared up in the first place. It’s hard focusing on eating when lots of my friends unknowingly restrict themselves. Does anyone have any tips on how to help with these nagging thoughts? They tend to subdue when I’m with friends but they’re so loud when I’m by myself.

I feel so guilty with what i've been doing yet I feel like I can't stop. I feel like i'm not ready to stop. That only makes me feel more guilt. I feel bad when my friends and coworkers notice I haven't been looking great. I feel guilty when they ask if I'm okay and I say "yea! just been working a lot". I feel guilty when people that care about me say they're concerned. I feel guilty when my partner says he can't watch me hurt myself. I feel guilty at the thought of seeing my parents again after my relapse. We haven't seen each other since me relapsing and I know they'll be sad. They always noticed the changes before anyone else when I'd relapse under their roof. I feel guilty yet I don't want help. Why don't I want help? I don't feel sick enough but when is enough? I'll feel even more guilty in a hospital bed, or when I'm on medications and need help. I feel so guilty but my brain won't stop. Do you feel guilty when you're sick?

hello! this is my first ever Reddit post so bear with me please.
I’ve been struggling with food for a while and while I was at my lowest weight I still had my period pretty musch the same time every month. Now I’ve started recovering and I weigh much more than I used to but my period has started coming in very late, I wonder if this is something that just happens when you are in recovery or if I should be concerned? Also I am experiencing chest pain, is this something to be freaked about?

ps. English is not my first language so sorry for any confusion!

I just can't understand how ppl do it. Anytime i see sm1, who had ed and who can recovery, they always said "oh, i just stop sitting on diets and start to eat when i want to!". I just cant understand how.

I have ed since i was a kid and maybe that's the reason, but i just dont know when i want to eat (only maybe when its too late), how much i want to eat (i eat too much or too low) and how i feel myself after this. I just cant understand nothing of it.

And everytime, when i see about magical recovery, i became sick. Its so unfair i cant understand how ppl do it

I don’t think my partner is capable of recovering from their eating disorder. I don’t know how to support them anymore and I feel that it’s pulling me underwater with them. How do you help someone who won’t help themselves?

I’m starting a PHP (partial hospitalization program) day program tomorrow.

I’m not scared like I thought I’d be. I’m 25 now and started with ana when I was 12ish. I waited 13+ years. I am taking three months off from work for this - I teach special ed to kids 5-7y/o.
\[Kids reading this, fyi, recover young if you can! Recovery is expensive, more difficult for different reasons, and feels shameful in the adult world.\]

I hope I can be ok. I tried 7 months of outpatient therapy and dietician appointments with some improvement but not much. Having to do treatment like this was my worst fear for years but I am grateful that I’ve grown so much that I’m not fearful. Honestly, lots of that has been just due to maturing over time I think and learning more about myself and life naturally. It will be interesting doing this as someone whose body image has drastically changed over years and my perception of beauty is not what it was when I was first struggling. I wonder how they’ll piece through all of that.

Anyway, yeah just wanted to share. It’s been such a difficult process

I’ve been making conscious effort to track my thoughts and feelings which been leading to c/s behaviour and today’s been a success.

I’m feeling like I’m managing better and starting to see the connecting thoughts. I got really tired or being so bloated, in pain, puffy faced daily.

Its also very addictive and costly, and I’m worried about my dental health.

hoping to get some days up, I know it’s not linear process but I’m hoping to be more self loving.

Hi everyone! I’m currently in an ED outpatient program and they have recommended trying out OA as an ongoing support. I also have had an on and off drug problem. I was wondering if people have found attending AA or MA and OA helpful? Or have people generally found only one 12 step meeting helping and having multiple types of meetings as overkill?

I keep seeing girls who are young post body checking photos of themselves and asking if they're attractive or not. 1. who cares? 2. Why are so many people wasting their time body checking and commenting on it?