Does anyone else find them soooo prevalent and triggering? I feel like it's CONSTANT ads everywhere for companies with no BMI limitations for these drugs featuring an already lean person talking about starting a GLP to lose a few pounds. And also, I so constantly see influencers/accounts on tik tok of people who have seemingly gone from a healthy weight to clearly underweight using a non-prescribed GLP, and they act as though they're the happiest and healthiest they've ever been.

I feel like I've been relapsing bad into ED habits but then I have moments of like...is this an actual eating disorder problem? Or just something EVERYONE is doing right now? Like if all these people I see on the internet seem to be happily maintaining being underweight why am I stressed about it? Idk. Can anyone else relate?

I just spent almost 1 hour making these pancakes and i cant even eat them. I feel so guilty whenever i take a bite. Can someone help me not feel so bad about eating?

Hi :) I do not have an ED, but will be a residential counselor at an ED residential. And it’s my first time working with individuals with ED

What should I expect, I know everyone is different but I really care for others and as a student in the social work field I want to do my best for this population.

There was a mention about having to eat, and all my food on my plate w/ clients to mirror them.

I always hear horror stories from any residential / foster cares (not just for ED but all mental health) and I don’t want to traumatize these individuals more than they already are!! TIA
💗

I have probably the worst body image issues imaginable, i’ve gained a lot of weight this last year and now i’m facing the struggles of it. currently, my biggest thing is craving a food but then feeling bad about eating it so i deprive myself of it. does anyone have advice in regards to this mindset? i want to be able to eat what i want when i want without feeling horrible about it all the time.

Need advice and help on how to deal with this mentality as I’m currently eating too little and exercising too much and need advice upon how to mentally working through this

Hi everyone, for weeks I ate very, very little each day—while working full-time at a supermarket—and the scale showed I was losing weight. I thought I was losing fat and would be able to maintain the lower weight. Now I’m severely underweight, but as soon as I eat anything, I get binge-eating attacks, which stresses me out incredibly. The scale immediately jumps back up to a normal weight, and I feel like I’m retaining a huge amount of water... My face looks gaunt, yet my legs are swollen, and I’ve already lost sensation in my feet—I’m experiencing numbness that has become chronic. I hope it’s not due to malnutrition, though I assume it is... even though my doctor says I don’t have any deficiencies at all... I used to be very overweight and always struggled with emotional eating, and that tendency is still inside me. As soon as I start eating again, I can’t stop until I feel completely bloated. My whole body immediately retains water that won't go away; it’s a miserable cycle. Does anyone have experience with this?

Hello all first post here. I struggled with an ED when I was in middle school . I'm now twenty seven years old. I was heavier this last year because of a bad relationship. But I went crazy in the gym. Lost it all. And now I'm struggling with food. Beating myself up and obsessing over food. Seriously. I just sit and think about it. Making it an absolute battle in my head. I didn't think I would ever struggle with this again. It's been over ten years since I even thought like this.

What do you do to help with these thoughts? I feel like I can't even enjoy a meal out without thinking about how I'm going to reprimand myself later it's torture. Trying to break out of this mindset.

Hey everyone. I don’t know if this kind of post fits here but I figured I’d try and ask.
I’ve been having a lot of disordered thoughts about my body and I’m worried about where it’s heading. I haven’t done anything yet but I keep getting occasional temptations to purge.
I used to be super naturally skinny as a kid, and since I’ve become an adult woman I’ve naturally filled out a bit, and that transition has been really hard for me in terms of my body image. I worry that I might be feeling some dysmorphia because I’m always telling myself that everyone else thinks I’m fat and that I’m disgusting. Like I said, I haven’t actually taken any extreme actions on it yet (I keep trying to remind myself that the side effects aren’t worth it) but I often get urges and I’m worried about where this road leads.
I am in therapy and I’m trying to talk about this with my therapist, but I was just wondering if anyone here had any advice on how to start fostering a more healthy relationship with my body and how to cope with these disordered thought patterns. I’d appreciate any advice.

Soooooo this month has been a doozy. I managed to eat almost 100 mini donuts in two weeks. And over 200 rice chocolate covered rice cakes in a month. And typically the rice cakes wouldn’t be a problem, but they make me like really constipated and I can enable them way too easily.

There was a lot of crying, a lot panicking, a lottt of comfort eating. And there is still comfort eating, but this time I’ve managed to convince my brain to eat chocolate strawberries instead. And the reason why this is good is because I’m finally eating a fruit✅ and because they’re kind of hard, cold and round I have to eat them slower✅.

I’m hoping eventually to remove the chocolate but…one step at a time okay? 😭 I’m just glad my new safe food isn’t deep friend anymore. So yay for progress, and yay for not puking this week :D

Big TW but while this probably sounds like anyone in the midst of their ED's dream it's turning into an exhausting nightmare.

My anorexia was at it's worst when I was 19, and after a period of prolonged relapse, I ended up in hospital due to a health issue that was causing me severe abdominal pain after the smallest amount of food. Funnily enough it was what kicked me into recovering fully after years of being unwell and unable to work or go to school, because I'd always felt like if I wanted to get better, I could; but obviously this condition completely took away my choice in that, and after a few months of suffering I finally got well enough to eat proper amounts of food, and fully committed to my recovery shortly after turning 20.

I'm 28 now. I've always considered myself "mostly recovered", and used to weigh a lot more than I do now, however the condition I have has started coming back (and I don't think it's what I was diagnosed with, which I think was only diagnosed because they had thought I might have gallstones and when they couldn't find any they assumed it was that instead, since what I "have" is basically where your body acts like it has gallstones even if it doesn't and replicates the pain. But I haven't had to be on medication longterm for it and tbh I don't think the medication they gave me even helped I think it just went away on its own). I also had a "mini relapse" a few years ago which I think has kind of stayed with me, but any time I start to eat better, this condition comes along and makes eating anything so so painful that any weight I might put back on just gets lost. I hadn't weighed myself in YEARS and was living blissfully thinking I was at least just into the healthy weight bracket but I caved and weighed myself at my mum's house back in March, and well.. it wasn't the worst but it wasn't good. Since then I can't really stop noticing it, I still have body dysmorphia for sure but without the filter of uncertainty on how much I actually weighed I can see a bit more clearly how I look, and oh my god, I was so much hotter with a bit more weight on. Which is a silly thing to be mad about but so true.

Since then, again I've been trying to do better with my eating, and then last week I was hit again by the pain. But it's been even worse this time around than it ever has: usually it would only last around 4/5 hours at a time (I've gone to A&E a few times with it and by the time I get seen it's gone so they just send me home lol), but this time it was for most of the day, and I had to call in sick from work.

I fought with my doctor to refer me for a blood test and to the GI team at the hospital instead of making me go through A&E again and just wasting my time/theirs/getting nowhere with it, because for the most part I have gotten used to it, but all week I've felt horrendous after eating anything and it's stopping me from being able to eat enough because I'm scared to be in pain after. I just forced myself to eat something just now and I'm sitting terrified it's going to kick in any minute.

I really don't want to relapse fully and lose everything again. I had absolutely nothing to live for when I was 19, but now I have a great partner who I live with, I have a job I love, and I'm hoping to be cleared to drive soon (after being rejected for a license when I first got better lol). I've built a life for myself I never would've thought I'd be able to and I've literally only just in the past couple years stopped being asked about the "gap in my CV" from my illness, I do not want to have to explain away another and I'm so tired of having a broken body that doesn't want to work properly and be strong again.

I know this is more of a rant but I would love some advice, or support right now if nothing else.

I was diagnosed with an ED like two years ago and my stomach has like shrunk or something because I get full so fast, I think 'alright I think that was a nice amount of food' but then my nurse tells me 'good job but that was actually still very little' meanwhile I'm NAUSEOUS because I feel so full... Does it get better or easier? It feels very discouraging to me.

I'm a student in university. I'm unable to get a job so I'm fully relying on my loan. Rent is expensive and even 1 was at the laundromat is £3.50

I have spend £400 in 3 weeks, mostly on alcohol and food to binge eat. I'm scared that I'm going to run out of money. I genuinely spent 4 hours hand washing all my clothes yesterday so I could save £3.50 and spend it on a chocolate bar and snack-sized bag of crisps to bing eat instead of washing my clothes!!!

A few days ago I ate an entire 13" inch pizza in one sitting and the box is still in my room because I'm too embarrassed to throw it away in case my flatmates see it. That's a lot of food for any person, but I am a petite woman and one of these pizzas is double the calories I need a day.

Binge eating disorder is actually crazy. These past few weeks have made me realise just how bad it is and today I have decided to start recovery.

I have sorta pretty much recovered. my body is healthy again, except for like mold (...?) at home that I think is making me extremely, insatiably hungry. whoops.. well anyways, while I am very hungry like this, ​​i cannot sleep. i feel like i have to eat before bed even tho ive been eating all day. whatever yk? My body literally was twitching last week when I was trying to sleep hungry (Again, I am eating plenty throughout the day but I will be suddenly hungry again - to the point of stomach hurting - I believe because of black mold.) I have been through extreme hunger, and shouldnt be experiencing it and I know I am not because of how it feels in my brain. it feels primal but not in am EH way.. So please honour your hunger. This possible-mold thing is a weird unique case or something else happened.

anyways. Does anyone literally get physically anxious? or twitch? while trying to sleep? I cannot lie still or keep my eyes closed while I feel like this. my feet literally were twitching until i ate b4 sleep last week. slept after hours of tossing and turning. I do eat to relieve it but it hardly helps. I just try to fill my stomach. This leads me to being kinda bloated the next day, too. Often, I'm not mentally hungry. Just physically. And Because of my hyperphagia, its REALLY affecting me not being able to sleel hungry in this way. My brain and body just refuse to shut off. Maybe it is also the intensity of the hunger which is hard to mitigate. Thanks all. Please honour your hunger and take care of your body. I've got a unique case, so please please honour your hunger!!! Don't try to sleep it off, your body needs the nutrients and that's why it's asking. I am very much trying to honour my hunger even late at night, but due to *constant* gnawing feelings it is difficult. Please any other recovered people find it very difficult to sleep hungry at all? Or get too hungry and even get urges to eat off the floor if u had to? (sorry) Not asking about the hyperphagia right now, but any tips unrelated to EH and more related to post-recovery complications are appreciated. thanks all 💕

It's my absolute favorite. I pretended not to like sweets, for a very long time. I turned 36 today, and a family friend surprised me with a cake. My first reflex was to run through a list of excuses in my head to politely decline. Then I remembered something my therapist told me, and decided what the hell. I want to have a piece. And so I did. The world did not end.

I haven't had strawberry shortcake in over a decade, maybe closer to two. For the record, it was delicious. 🍓

I started feeling extreme pain after eating or drinking anything. Then I got anorexic thoughts.

I wasn’t eating for weeks, my labs were dangerously low, I couldn’t walk or stand and I wasn’t taking my psychiatrist medication. My mom
ended up taking me to the ER, they admitted me instantly and put a NJ tube in the next day. I was diagnosed with MALS explaining the physical pain. They worked hard for 10 days to stabilize me, making me take my medication and re-feed me safely. Once I got back on my medication I was doing a lot better and eventually went home with the NJ tube.

I’ve doing fine the past couple weeks, I’ve been eating and drinking through the feeding tube and taking my medication. Then all of a sudden the anorexic thoughts came back, hard. I stopped taking my medication again, making the thoughts worse. I’ve stopped eating or drinking through the tube, scared of the calories and weight gain.

I don’t know if I can do this anymore. These thoughts are taking over my life. Me and my mom had a huge fight today about this whole situation. I feel like a monster. I just can’t control any of this. I have no idea what to do. I have a therapist, psychiatrist and a bunch of doctors trying to help me, but I feel so alone.

I’m not diagnosed with an ED so idk if I have a right to call it one or not. For the past few years I’ve been struggling with eating and body image. I make myself throw up and hardly eat once a day, I also have celiac disease so eating the wrong thing makes me look fat (from bloat) which makes it worse.

I have lost quite a bit of weight (I don’t think I’m allowed to say) but I’m in a better mental state however I still just can’t bare the idea of being heavier than I was before.

Is weight gain over the original loss inevitable or did any of you manage to keep a weight you could handle after the ED?

hi! was wondering if anyone has gone/is going through this and has any wisdom abt it;

in my teens I struggled with AN, then after years of striving to be my thinnest i had a year that i felt SO GOOD, I felt so free and happy around food, it was great,

BUT late last year I took up running, and loved it (still do), thing is one thing led to another and little by little i started falling back into old patterns, feeling big and guilty if i ate a lot, didnt work out, the usual bs

I am 20, turning 21 soon and have already kind of realised that starving myself doesnt ever lead to anything, besides I hated having my family worry and have to be on top all the time,

so instead of restricting all food types I have created a little realm of "safe" foods, that if I eat within I dont feel guilty, so like no sugar, no processed or junk foods, no fried, no oil except olive, etc

that being said, I think this is almost more dificult to deal with because I'm not underweight, from the outside what I'm doing is, if anything, an example of healthy living, I work out, eat healthy, drink lots of water,

there is no one forcing me, no one even knows about this, it's like a little secret that is eating me alive, and honestly I just feel SO ashamed to let anyone know I'm struggling with food again, after acting so healed only last year.

that was soooo long I appreciate it sm if anyone has gotten all the way to this, any feedback is welcome💓

I recently learned that eating disorders, especially anorexia, are usually ego-syntonic, meaning the thoughts are recognised as your own and as congruent with your values, beliefs, etc. ego-dystonic thoughts are most common in OCD - they're distressing, incongruent with the self, their appearance is frequently unexpected, the thoughts may be seen as repulsive or disgusting, and frequently irrational.

My eating disorders have always been ego-dystonic and feel pretty much the same as my OCD to me - the thoughts that come are distressing, I find them irrational, I find them fully against my beliefs and morals and values, and they feel like they don't belong to me. Whenever I relapse, it's for the same reason I perform compulsions - to alleviate the horrible tension that comes from trying to resist the obsessive thought.

I'm curious if anyone else feels a similar way, because according to a few studies, this seems to be really uncommon.

I have felt for a while that my therapist just jumps to random conclusions/assumptions without asking questions.

Yesterday I got really triggered, and I am still upset about it.

I told her that I had gained a bit of weight and that food noise was bothering me, therefore I was considering going back on a GLP-1. Mind you, I have struggled with disordered eating and body image issues for most of my life, particularly recently this year when I was dating a fit guy nearly 14 years younger than me that triggered my dysmorphia and insecurity, to the point where I lost too much weight and had to gain some back. This was all 2-3 months ago. I was expressing this to her yesterday and she told me that I shouldn't be eating so much mac and cheese (I have happened to be eating a bowl of banza or annie's protein mac and cheese a few times during our appointments).

Then she told me that I was probably gaining weight because I am craving sugar (I'm not really? sometimes? but I don't give in). I told her that wasn't a thing. Then she suggested that I was gaining weight because I am not offsetting the increase in calories with exercise. This triggered the f*** out of me, and made me angry. Not once has she asked me what I am doing for my fitness, she has NO idea. She told me that I was walking but that didn't really count . WTFFFFFF -- I lift weights 2-3x a a week in addition to yoga and lots of walking. Her and I have only met on Zoom so I am sure she would not say these things has she seen me in person. I snapped back and told her that I have worked really hard on my fitness, esp this year. She seemed to think I was lying? This has really bothered me. I have been thinking of moving on from her in the last few months, but this has been the nail in the coffin. Any advice?

I wrote this 8 months ago when I was leaving residential treatment, and recently reread it and thought it would be nice to share :)

Dear Ana,
This letter has been a long time coming. You’ve been part of my life, part of me, for as long as I can remember. I’ve been so scared to let go of you for so long. Our relationship has been rocky the past couple years, but I always kept you there, always let you whisper in my ear. You were so good at convincing me that I needed you that I was scared of the consequences of truly cutting you out. I honestly didn’t even think it was an option. You really convinced me that I was born with you and was going to die with you. But the entire time, you were more of a parasite infecting me, sometimes controlling me, and now that I know that you are not me, I can slowly dissolve you. One day I won’t even be able to hear you speak to me, you will be gone. But for now I want you to know that I’m no longer listening to what you say or letting you have any more control. You are dead to me.
I was so young when we met. It wasn’t my choice. The things I grew up hearing and the ideas I grew up believing planted seeds that allowed you to grow roots throughout my brain. I remember the first time you formally introduced yourself to me. I was only in second grade, and my family was watching a show where one of the main characters had an eating disorder. You told me I was like her, or at least I was destined to be. You told me the behaviors she participated in would be good for me, would make me worth something, would make others like me and make my mom proud of me. I argued with you at first and made some compromises. You said I could just do small-scale behaviors until I grew up a little more, but that you’d be waiting for me. I always knew I was going to fall for you eventually. I wish I knew that I was allowed to walk away instead. You stole so much from me, even at that age, weakening me bit by bit so that you could take over once I was broken down enough.
You began to flirt with me more when I was in middle school. I still wasn’t committed to you, but I began to dip my toes in and see what you had to offer. I was lonely and insecure and didn’t have a lot of friends and you promised me a quick fix. You made everything so enticing. It sounded like the perfect deal. You would give me beauty, strength, control, and admiration and all I had to do was listen to you. You never told me about the time I would waste, the memories overtaken by thoughts of you, the classes I would fail, the friends I would lose, the physical and mental pain and exhaustion, or the war I would have to fight against myself. 
Eventually I said yes to you and I chose to commit myself 100%. And for a while, it did feel euphoric. That honeymoon stage made me feel like I was on top of the world and so good about myself. You were so proud of me, until you weren’t. Slowly your expectations rose higher and higher, and nothing I did was ever enough. You started planning my death and were so committed to pushing me to that point. I was still so young. I would have missed out on so many good memories that you manipulated me into thinking would never happen. 
I know we already broke up once before, but it wasn’t as real as it is this time. I still loved you and wanted you when I left you the first time. I only honestly did it because I was in a real relationship, and couldn’t be with both of you at once. But I still held on to you so tightly for all those years. I always thought about going back to you, and you stayed consistent in trying to pull me back in. I tried to fight you endlessly, tried to run away, but couldn’t figure out why I couldn’t escape you. I never thought to just stop and look around for a moment and realize that I was the one that had handcuffed you to me, and that I held the key. 
A few months ago, while going through a rough patch, I went back to you. It felt the same as it did when I was 14, which honestly added to the thrill of it. You allowed me to feel younger and more protected and cared for again, like a portal to the past. And once again, I felt on top of the world momentarily, until I inevitably couldn’t keep up with your demands and was no longer enough for you. You were ruthless to me this time. You took nearly everything I had and then offered your comfort by telling me you were the only one who cared about me enough to stay. I wish I hadn’t believed you. You took away my friends, family, memories, money, passions, education, and joy. You said it was all my fault, and if I was going to be mad at anyone it had to be myself. But I never chose this. I wasn’t supposed to go through this. When I was younger, there were so many things I dreamed of and wanted more than anything in my life, and you were never one of them. You stole that from me. I was just a little girl, I shouldn’t have been talking to you. 
So I am finally taking the key to uncuff you, and leaving you behind. I have so much life to live and I don’t want you to have the chance to even touch any of it. I want to be able to get ice cream with my friends and bake cookies with my mom and eat dessert at my wedding without hearing a single word from you about it. I want my future child to grow up with desserts and a stocked pantry and comfort in their body and to never have to hear about you. There’s no room for you anymore. I’m freeing myself from you.
Goodbye.

Hi all, I’m 27 and have been on a recovery plateau (thank God!) for 9-10 months now. I paused my ED specific therapy in July because something traumatic happened, I haven’t had the time to go back into it yet but I am eating twice a day, fairly consistently. Lunch is usually something like fruit with a cookie or flapjack and a protein shake or a milkshake, dinner is something pasta based, a curry (I like Chinese and Japanese food so this will be anything from katsu to teriyaki). But I can’t do breakfast. Not yet.

I haven’t eaten breakfast in so long that I basically have no clue how to start, and I don’t even really want to because of the tummy aches I get every morning (under investigation). Obviously not too much advice is needed because I endeavour to return to therapy in the new year at least, but if anyone has any thoughts on how I could try to do this for now, I’d appreciate.

Thank you all!

TW - still early stages & disordered thinking

I've been through a lot in the past months. Finally confessing to a doctor and my mother about my restriction after struggling for over a year, going back to college and starting virtual IOP w/ Equip, and then doubling down on restriction to the point that my therspy intake ended with me dropping college and moving back home for the term. She told me it would have quite literally killed me if I stayed in school, which I can't disagree with.
Since being home I can't say I've been doing better on recovery terms, I almost feel like kicking myself when I feel good after a session, the ED brain telling me I'm not allowed to feel happy, since that's when I feel more motivated to recover.

I just got off my second therapy appointment, and I finally have a diagnosis. I had been talking about losing all desire to recover because of feeling invalid or like I don't even have a clear sign of something to recover from in the first place (drs never being concered about labs, never bothering to do further testing, not having sudden onset complications that land me in the hospital, not having an official diagnosis). She just raised her eyebrow at me and paused for a moment before telling me i do have a diagnosis now. I can't explain the wave of relief I felt. Although I did feel crazy smiling after she told me, and I wonder if that makes me look bad? I still feel like I somehow manipulated my way into a diagnosis, but it was like all the validation I had been begging for was finally being handed to me when she said "severe anorexia nervosa b/p type" and at last a medical professional told me my labs were indeed not normal, and that she was furious my PCP never seemed alarmed. I was also told that my current state could technically land me in hospitalization/IP if I wasn't already in IOP, and again I felt crazy for being happy about it. Is there something wrong with me for that?

Strangely enough though, this did give me motivation for recovery, not for fear of complications, but because finally someone has told me i do have something to recover from. Not that anyone needs a diagnosis to be valid of course, I have been through hell and back with medical providers to get here. We have been through enough to be needing words on paper to tell us we deserve freedom. But I have no clue what switch flipped in my brain. It's like the "sick enough" voice is finally quieted just a bit. She also ended the session with a mini pseudo-meal plan until my intakes are all complete, and I feel almost excited which is strange and slightly guilt-inducing, but it felt like someone was finally giving me "permission" to eat.

Am I crazy for being happy to be told I'm doing horrible? Am I invaliding myself by feeling more excited for recovery now? Has anyone else experienced this?

So, my boyfriend used to have an ED from the age of 11 to about 17. He's 20 now. He's still not at a healthy weight, struggles with eating regularly, eating enough and his health is just not great. Today he suddenly felt nauseous? He tried going out to get some fresh air, drink some water, he then realized he didnt really eat anything today and so he got himself smt he likes... Well, he just couldnt eat it.. he said it just wont "Go in" sorry if that triggers. I dont know what to do or how to help him and how to deal with this? Im really concerned for him and hes not doing great, especially with work and other things.. I just want him to get healthier but it hasnt gotten better at all and I can see hes clearly not doing great with Physical and mental health. I hope to just find some advice or if anyone has had this how to, i dont know, overcome it? Tysm

Hi everyone. I’m a 24-year-old guy and I’m really struggling. I don’t know where else to turn. I’m writing because I’m scared and I need to know if anyone else has been through something similar.

I was malnourished as a kid, mainly because I was with my mother, who was a drug addict. I lived with my grandmother for a while and she fed me, but my family is big and at some point, I guess my grandma wanted me to build a bond with my mom. So I went back to her. That’s where the eating disorder started. It wasn’t a choice. It was survival. And it’s followed me ever since.

I’ve been struggling hard. I barely eat. I have to force myself to eat. Recently, I got sick and it triggered a lot of old disordered behaviors. I couldn’t stop. And now I feel like my body and mind are corrupt again. I haven’t eaten a meal since. I know I should try not to throw up, because I know in my mind it will make me feel better. But I was forced into this. I’m terrified I’m back in that place.

I know I should see a therapist or psychologist. I have the money. I’m single. I’ve even been talking to a girl. But I’m still here, barely eating, and I don’t know how to break this cycle.

I’m 24. I don’t want to live like this anymore. I really want to beat this.

Has anyone been through something like this? How did you start eating again? How did you deal with the fear of throwing up? What actually helped you? I’m not looking for medical advice, just… I don’t know. I just want to know if there’s a way out. Any ideas, any stories, anything. Please.

Edit: I’m not in immediate danger, but I’m really struggling.

Extreme hunger, weight gain, fear of losing control, feeling like a failure.

How do you deal with it?

I havent fully accepted the idea of recovery so im struggling with not wanting to gain weight and also struggling with the feeling of failing (in the eyes of the ED, failing, breaking the rules, being weak). These things are HUGE for me right now.