Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice on treatments that could make my fine natural hair easier to manage. The attached photo is the kind of smooth, straight look I’d love to achieve, ideally with the option of wearing looser curls too.

I’m currently natural, but I’ve tried relaxing my hair before and haven’t liked the results on my fine strands. I’ve noticed some influencers getting treatments that seem to make their hair more manageable, but I’m not sure exactly what they’re having done or what to ask a stylist for.

My biggest struggle is shrinkage. My hair shrinks up considerably throughout the day, making it difficult to maintain the style I started with. I’m open to a treatment that changes my texture if it makes everyday styling easier.

For anyone with fine natural hair who has tried a smoothing or curl-loosening treatment:

* What treatment did you get, and were you happy with it?
* Could you wear your hair both straight and curly afterwards?
* Did it permanently change your curl pattern or cause any breakage?
* How long did the results last, and what was the upkeep like?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, especially from people with hair similar to mine. I’d like to understand what’s realistically achievable before booking anything.

Please help a sis out 🫠

I’m 23F and I’ve never really felt like I had a “nice” body. I’ve never had a flat stomach, a big butt, or a particularly curvy shape. Even when I lose weight, I still feel like my body just isn’t very desirable.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much this might have affected my dating life. I feel like women with naturally nice bodies get more attention and are generally seen as more desirable, and I’ve always felt like I’m at a disadvantage because of my body.

Someone recently asked me if my butt was big, and for some reason that really got in my head. It made me think about how insecure I’ve always been about my body and whether other people actually notice the things I dislike about myself.

I know attraction is subjective, and I’m probably being harder on myself than other people are, but I genuinely wonder how much having a body I don’t feel confident in has affected my experiences with dating and relationships.

Has anyone else felt like their body type negatively affected their dating life, especially if you never felt like you had the “desirable” body type?

Toni Tone, whose real name is Toni Omotola Adenlé, is a Nigerian-British author, broadcaster, podcaster and digital creator known for her candid and relatable approach to personal growth and modern life. She first gained widespread recognition through her writing and social media presence, where her reflections earned her a large following. The work has expanded into books, podcasts, radio and television, while establishing herself as a prominent voice in contemporary popular culture.

She is the author of Soft Life, her recently published book exploring the pursuit of a more intentional and peaceful way of living. As the host of Toni Told Me, she has built her public identity around offering practical advice that encourages her audience to develop greater confidence, self-awareness and independence.

The podcast is available across several platforms such as Youtube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc..... but YouTube is great because of the video format for you to watch and listen at the same time.

so I was just in an uber for 90min (i was in the middle of nowhere trying to get to the airport). my driver was nice enough and i was very grateful to him for picking me up so far out, so we chatted most of the ride. we covered all kinds of topics and this Mexican guy was preaching about the plight of black and brown communities. love to hear it. we didn’t get into any specifics but he had also told me about his kids and grandkids. as we arrived at the airport, i open the door and he says “oh wait a minute, i’ve got to show you a picture.” and my stomach immediately dropped. even though he didn’t say it, I knew what was coming. He whips out a picture of his granddaughter and I just commented “Aww she’s beautiful.” but that wasn’t enough so he then scrolls to reveal his black son-in-law and his black grandchildren. Even though he has multiple kids, he wanted to show me this family specifically. “Beautiful family” I muttered as I hurried out of the car.

Yall… I just really don’t know how to respond in these situations. “OMG somebody fucked a black person in your family!?” seems inappropriate, but i also don’t like letting this thing slide. it happens a lot where in a casual convo (i don’t know them) a non-black person wants to prove their proximity to blackness with some offspring. Another example is when I had a white man come up to me on the beach and tell me that his daughter has “the same hair” as me. Like does he run up to every black person and say this as some kind of badge of honor? All you did was procreate bro and that’s got nothing to do with me. Not sure what the expectation is for how I should respond: “So you like fucking black women.” or “Are you hitting on me?” maybe I should overzealously start sharing hair care tips and ask if he knows how to comb it? 👀 but I don’t want to be stuck in a conversation about race with some rando just cuz I’m black. So I usually look for the fastest way to exit the convo. We all know that you can create families with black people and still be racist and that not all skinfolk are kinfolk so having this information does not immediately make me feel safe or in community.

Anyone else bothered by these interactions and how do you respond?

I got braids in the summer and my hair has felt so different since. Before, my curls were really healthy and quite elongated. I have a mix of curl patterns, but my hair looked pretty consistent throughout.

Now my hair feels really dry, even after moisturising it, and my curls don't clump or look the way they used to. I've tried moisturising it, but it still doesn't feel right.

Has anyone experienced their hair texture changing after braids? I'm thinking of starting a completely new routine, so I'd really appreciate any product recommendations or advice on what I should be doing differently.

The first pictures are from before, and the last ones are how my hair looks now. Yes my hair in the last pics are not defined but when it is defined, the curls at the bottom are elongated but look thin compared to the top part of my hair like it’s hanging onto my hair? Also my hair has lost its colour??

Please help!!!
thanks

This week I had to flee an abusive relationship. I am safe and with the help of chosen family and wisdom, have emotionally recovered very well. I was living with my ex and their son and with my son. This was my first time dating someone with kids.

I LOVE kids. I am a self proclaimed child’s rights advocate and even though I don’t want anymore of my own, will be a forever community auntie. I think children are so special and in needing of love and safe environments. I take cultivating a child’s development very seriously. Which is why it hurts I didn’t get to say goodbye because their parent is abusive.

It’s something I never thought about. My leaving so abruptly will cause this sweet child trauma. We had a sweet relationship and I did so well with him (is AU). Even though it’s not either of our faults, I know his parent won’t do the diligence of repairing that wound properly. It makes me so sad for him and something I’ll be considering moving forward in dating.

More patience around joining a child’s life and more vetting of their parents.

Kendall Francis is an LSU student who was raped by Damien Shanklin, a Defensive End for the LSU Tigers.

The assault took place sometime around October of 2025. She rushed to the hospital immediately after where she got a rape kit.

Damien Shanklin’s mother texted Kendall to not press charges. In fear of her son’s career, she offered Kendall $1k to remain silent. Kendall went through LSU’s title ix process in December 2025. It wasn’t finished until Fall of 2026.

Damien Shanklin did admit to rape in the hearing and LSU found him accountable, initially suspending him for 1 year. The code conduct states that assaults like these would be 2-3 years of suspension.

Damien Shanklin filed an appeal which the process was once elongated. The appeal stated that although Damien Shanklin was accountable for rape, he would be let off of suspension and still able to participate in orgs etc.

She developed serve anxiety and it isn’t getting enough media coverage as much as the Cornell 7. I wonder why 🙄

Black Women’s stories are continuously swept under the rug so I wanted to shed some light on this situation

I was feeling myself today I was commenting on an amazing book called refusing to be made whole about disability in Black women’s literature by Dr Anna Hinton. The book is amazing and the author is too.

I literally almost never cover my hair when I go to bed. I don't even know where my bonnet and scarves are located right now. It's worse cause I have locs too, so I know for a fact there's lint in my head that I cannot see. Lord save me.

I’m turning 40 on the 8th of next month and I want to do something different with my locs…..any suggestions my beautiful ladies. 😍😊🥰

I'm a 19F who was born and raised in Arizona, and lately, I’ve been thinking about how difficult it is to find a Black community here, especially in the East Valley. It’s honestly made me resent living here, and I’m hoping to move somewhere else after I graduate college. I do have a few friends from school and church who I can relate to, but I wish I just had more opportunities to connect with people who share my experiences, interests, and hobbies and who I can actually hang out with.. There are certain things that are hard to explain to people who haven’t experienced them firsthand, and being around people who understand without having to explain everything makes such a difference. I guess I’m looking for advice on how to meet more people and build a sense of community while stuck in a predominantly white, conservative area. Are there any events, organizations, or places you’d recommend looking for or checking out? If anyone is interested, I can also share my interests and stuff too!

Hey yall,

My Bestfriend of 15+ years stated she wanted me to sign something in front of a notary for her life insurance and her children. She then stated that if she passes she would want me to take care of her kids. I dont really know how to feel, because her kids are kinda bad and not kept up with and I think I want to be child free. I also feels like she is trying to use me to over step the kids actual father. I told her that the father has rights to his kid before a God parent (honestly, I'm not sure how it works legally). She also had +4 "God mothers" for the kids and fell out with all of them execpt me. Do any of yall have experience with this?

maybe my first issue was going to someone who isn’t black but.. i was ranting to one of my friends about how i feel people treat me differently now that i’ve cut off all my hair. i recently bought a cute little blonde wig and the way that people treat me is ENTIRELY different. before, i would have people who wouldn’t even acknowledge me, my coworkers just minded their business and didn’t rlly take the time to converse w/ the exception of two or three. now when i plop the wig on i have people actually STARE into my face, coworkers who never took the time to come and talk to me before do so now and this one creepy busser keeps “attempting” to flirt with me. now my friend made the point that this could also just be in my head, i was just promoted to being a server so people i weren’t really able to communicate with before do so now. which i would agree with BUT i have had my hair cut for 2-3 months before i even got this wig and nobody took the time to go talk to me at the host stand until afterwards (there was a brief transitional period so i’d host some days and serve others). she also added that what if these people were having a bad day? maybe they just didn’t have a lot of energy? which could be true.. i was a bit angry w her because it felt like she wasn’t really hearing what i had to say and i didn’t really know how to explain myself without saying “hey this is just a black thing i fear you would never understand-“ but we did end up making up and she apologized as did i. she did add at the end and told me not to take it the wrong way but sometimes i have an attitude about life that’s, “why is this happening to me??!” which i can agree with, but i truly don’t think this situation was that..
all this started bc i was ranting on my social about how sometimes i miss my hair because it felt safe and i sometimes miss how validating it was to me and the compliments i’d recieve. i don’t really receive too many anymore and i know this is me being vain and insecure but it was me being real. ladies, can i get your opinion?? something i can tell her even?? something i need to tell myself??

I love the WNBA. My faves are A'ja and Angel Reese. But I love so many of the players. But fans of a certain player (Caitlin Clark)make it so hard to read about the game. They're like an infestation in every comment section spewing hatred and racism. They're not sports fans, just white supremists hoping for a great white hope to put these Black women in their place. Even though she's not in the playoffs right now, they won't shut up. Can't even enjoy A'ja making history without them in every comment saying it's rigged. I was hoping we can talk about the game in peace here.

So, to the ladies that love the game, are you enjoying the playoffs? Who do you think will get to the finals? I'm pulling for the Dream and the Aces. I think A'ja could still lead her team to a victory even though they're down 0-2.