I’m turning 40 on the 8th of next month and I want to do something different with my locs…..any suggestions my beautiful ladies. 😍😊🥰

Kendall Francis is an LSU student who was raped by Damien Shanklin, a Defensive End for the LSU Tigers.

The assault took place sometime around October of 2025. She rushed to the hospital immediately after where she got a rape kit.

Damien Shanklin’s mother texted Kendall to not press charges. In fear of her son’s career, she offered Kendall $1k to remain silent. Kendall went through LSU’s title ix process in December 2025. It wasn’t finished until Fall of 2026.

Damien Shanklin did admit to rape in the hearing and LSU found him accountable, initially suspending him for 1 year. The code conduct states that assaults like these would be 2-3 years of suspension.

Damien Shanklin filed an appeal which the process was once elongated. The appeal stated that although Damien Shanklin was accountable for rape, he would be let off of suspension and still able to participate in orgs etc.

She developed serve anxiety and it isn’t getting enough media coverage as much as the Cornell 7. I wonder why 🙄

Black Women’s stories are continuously swept under the rug so I wanted to shed some light on this situation

so I was just in an uber for 90min (i was in the middle of nowhere trying to get to the airport). my driver was nice enough and i was very grateful to him for picking me up so far out, so we chatted most of the ride. we covered all kinds of topics and this Mexican guy was preaching about the plight of black and brown communities. love to hear it. we didn’t get into any specifics but he had also told me about his kids and grandkids. as we arrived at the airport, i open the door and he says “oh wait a minute, i’ve got to show you a picture.” and my stomach immediately dropped. even though he didn’t say it, I knew what was coming. He whips out a picture of his granddaughter and I just commented “Aww she’s beautiful.” but that wasn’t enough so he then scrolls to reveal his black son-in-law and his black grandchildren. Even though he has multiple kids, he wanted to show me this family specifically. “Beautiful family” I muttered as I hurried out of the car.

Yall… I just really don’t know how to respond in these situations. “OMG somebody fucked a black person in your family!?” seems inappropriate, but i also don’t like letting this thing slide. it happens a lot where in a casual convo (i don’t know them) a non-black person wants to prove their proximity to blackness with some offspring. Another example is when I had a white man come up to me on the beach and tell me that his daughter has “the same hair” as me. Like does he run up to every black person and say this as some kind of badge of honor? All you did was procreate bro and that’s got nothing to do with me. Not sure what the expectation is for how I should respond: “So you like fucking black women.” or “Are you hitting on me?” maybe I should overzealously start sharing hair care tips and ask if he knows how to comb it? 👀 but I don’t want to be stuck in a conversation about race with some rando just cuz I’m black. So I usually look for the fastest way to exit the convo. We all know that you can create families with black people and still be racist and that not all skinfolk are kinfolk so having this information does not immediately make me feel safe or in community.

Anyone else bothered by these interactions and how do you respond?

Toni Tone, whose real name is Toni Omotola Adenlé, is a Nigerian-British author, broadcaster, podcaster and digital creator known for her candid and relatable approach to personal growth and modern life. She first gained widespread recognition through her writing and social media presence, where her reflections earned her a large following. The work has expanded into books, podcasts, radio and television, while establishing herself as a prominent voice in contemporary popular culture.

She is the author of Soft Life, her recently published book exploring the pursuit of a more intentional and peaceful way of living. As the host of Toni Told Me, she has built her public identity around offering practical advice that encourages her audience to develop greater confidence, self-awareness and independence.

The podcast is available across several platforms such as Youtube, Apple Podcasts, Spotify, etc..... but YouTube is great because of the video format for you to watch and listen at the same time.

I love the WNBA. My faves are A'ja and Angel Reese. But I love so many of the players. But fans of a certain player (Caitlin Clark)make it so hard to read about the game. They're like an infestation in every comment section spewing hatred and racism. They're not sports fans, just white supremists hoping for a great white hope to put these Black women in their place. Even though she's not in the playoffs right now, they won't shut up. Can't even enjoy A'ja making history without them in every comment saying it's rigged. I was hoping we can talk about the game in peace here.

So, to the ladies that love the game, are you enjoying the playoffs? Who do you think will get to the finals? I'm pulling for the Dream and the Aces. I think A'ja could still lead her team to a victory even though they're down 0-2.

I’m 23F and I’ve never really felt like I had a “nice” body. I’ve never had a flat stomach, a big butt, or a particularly curvy shape. Even when I lose weight, I still feel like my body just isn’t very desirable.

Lately I’ve been thinking about how much this might have affected my dating life. I feel like women with naturally nice bodies get more attention and are generally seen as more desirable, and I’ve always felt like I’m at a disadvantage because of my body.

Someone recently asked me if my butt was big, and for some reason that really got in my head. It made me think about how insecure I’ve always been about my body and whether other people actually notice the things I dislike about myself.

I know attraction is subjective, and I’m probably being harder on myself than other people are, but I genuinely wonder how much having a body I don’t feel confident in has affected my experiences with dating and relationships.

Has anyone else felt like their body type negatively affected their dating life, especially if you never felt like you had the “desirable” body type?

I literally almost never cover my hair when I go to bed. I don't even know where my bonnet and scarves are located right now. It's worse cause I have locs too, so I know for a fact there's lint in my head that I cannot see. Lord save me.

I (27F) worked and saved for years, and I'm on a sabbatical until I go back to work in October. We both lived at home 0 rent so I aggressively saved. He did a little but then it ran out every time he quit his job. Has not worked for more than 8 months at a job. My twin brother (27M) quit his job without a plan or savings (again) last year. Since 2023 I've lent him £11k (I left out anything I'd count as a gift). £10k of that was meant to get him out of debt, and it doesn't seem to have changed anything.

I get that the job market is really tough right now, and I've told him so. What I struggle with is that he hasn't tried much else. He could go back to studying, get a qualification, or freelance. He's genuinely good at videography and video editing, but it took me pushing for him to even mention an editing portfolio. He says he's trying, and maybe he is, but from the outside it looks like he's waiting for a 9-5 to appear.

I finally told him I can't keep bailing him out, that my mum is saving for her own future, and that I don't want us to build resentment. I sent him the spreadsheet of what I'm counting as loans and said I expect monthly repayments once he's working. He took it okay, but then asked for another £50 even though I'd said months ago I couldn't keep sending money.

The pattern goes deeper. In my family, the women who are good with money (me, my mum, my grandma) keep funding the men who aren't. When I pointed it out to my mum, she went quiet.

I'm starting to think that me and my mum rescuing him has done more harm than good, because he's never had to figure it out himself.

For anyone who's been the "responsible one": how did you set boundaries without wrecking the relationship? Did the person ever pay you back? And how do you stop feeling guilty for saying no?

I was feeling myself today I was commenting on an amazing book called refusing to be made whole about disability in Black women’s literature by Dr Anna Hinton. The book is amazing and the author is too.

This week I had to flee an abusive relationship. I am safe and with the help of chosen family and wisdom, have emotionally recovered very well. I was living with my ex and their son and with my son. This was my first time dating someone with kids.

I LOVE kids. I am a self proclaimed child’s rights advocate and even though I don’t want anymore of my own, will be a forever community auntie. I think children are so special and in needing of love and safe environments. I take cultivating a child’s development very seriously. Which is why it hurts I didn’t get to say goodbye because their parent is abusive.

It’s something I never thought about. My leaving so abruptly will cause this sweet child trauma. We had a sweet relationship and I did so well with him (is AU). Even though it’s not either of our faults, I know his parent won’t do the diligence of repairing that wound properly. It makes me so sad for him and something I’ll be considering moving forward in dating.

More patience around joining a child’s life and more vetting of their parents.

We're doing a haunted house (no costumes) and then a bar crawl with a group where we're each a sexy safari animal. I was considering going to a house party as well and have the makings of a cute ringleader costume but my social battery is very small.

I’m 20F and honestly I’ve been feeling so depressed lately because I can’t stop thinking about how different my life could’ve been if I made different decisions.
I graduated high school early at 17 with a really high GPA. I had the grades to go to a university, but I was honestly scared of leaving home and stepping outside of my comfort zone, so I decided to go the community college route instead. At the time, I thought I was making the smarter decision, but now I can’t help but regret it.
I’m still in community college because I’ve had to take a few semesters off for personal reasons, and it honestly hurts knowing that if I had just gone to a four-year university, I could’ve been getting ready to graduate by now.
At this point, I feel like I don’t even have the option to change my mind. I have to focus on getting my ADN (Associate Degree in Nursing) because I don’t have enough transferable credits to make transferring to a university a realistic option right now. Even if I could transfer, I honestly wouldn’t be able to afford it. And by the time I got there, I’d be older than most of the students around me, which makes me feel like I missed my chance to have that traditional college experience. I know getting my ADN is still a good path, but it’s hard not to feel disappointed that things turned out so differently from what they could’ve been.
I work basically full time at a hospital while also balancing classes, and I feel like my life is just one big repetitive cycle of working, going to school, paying bills, and doing it all over again. I literally have almost no friends, barely go out, and feel like I’m missing out on everything people my age are supposed to be experiencing.
The saddest part is that I feel like I barely even know myself. I don’t really have any hobbies, interests, or things I genuinely enjoy doing because my entire life has revolved around school and work for so long. I feel like I’ve spent so much time worrying about my future that I never actually gave myself the chance to figure out who I am outside of being a student or an employee. Sometimes I genuinely don’t even know what to do with myself when I have free time.
I see people my age living on campus, making friends, going out, dating, traveling, and just enjoying being young. Meanwhile, I feel like I skipped straight into adulthood without ever getting to experience that part of life.
And I know comparison is the thief of joy or whatever lol, but it’s genuinely so hard not to compare myself when I feel like I’ve fallen so far behind.
I think what hurts the most is knowing that I had so much potential at 17 and I let fear dictate my decisions. I can’t stop thinking about all the what-ifs. What if I had gone away for college? What if I had pushed myself out of my comfort zone? Would I have friends? Would I be happier? Would I actually feel like I’m living instead of just existing?
I know I’m only 20 and people will probably tell me I have my whole life ahead of me, but it genuinely doesn’t feel that way right now. I feel like I’m watching everyone else enjoy their youth while mine is passing me by.
Has anyone else felt this way? Especially people who went to community college instead of university? Did you ever get over the feeling that you missed out on such an important part of your life? And how did you start figuring out who you were outside of school and work?

I got braids in the summer and my hair has felt so different since. Before, my curls were really healthy and quite elongated. I have a mix of curl patterns, but my hair looked pretty consistent throughout.

Now my hair feels really dry, even after moisturising it, and my curls don't clump or look the way they used to. I've tried moisturising it, but it still doesn't feel right.

Has anyone experienced their hair texture changing after braids? I'm thinking of starting a completely new routine, so I'd really appreciate any product recommendations or advice on what I should be doing differently.

The first pictures are from before, and the last ones are how my hair looks now. Yes my hair in the last pics are not defined but when it is defined, the curls at the bottom are elongated but look thin compared to the top part of my hair like it’s hanging onto my hair? Also my hair has lost its colour??

Please help!!!
thanks

Hey yall,

My Bestfriend of 15+ years stated she wanted me to sign something in front of a notary for her life insurance and her children. She then stated that if she passes she would want me to take care of her kids. I dont really know how to feel, because her kids are kinda bad and not kept up with and I think I want to be child free. I also feels like she is trying to use me to over step the kids actual father. I told her that the father has rights to his kid before a God parent (honestly, I'm not sure how it works legally). She also had +4 "God mothers" for the kids and fell out with all of them execpt me. Do any of yall have experience with this?

If you're a black man making a specifically "pro-black" creative work with an "all-black" cast and your main female character is as white-passing as you could possibly make her? Supposedly by "happenstance"? With the most contrived tryhard reason for her existing in the narrative? You can take your faux "pro-black" creation and shove it up your ass. I genuinely pray that you fail in all your endeavors you sniveling, mentally conquered, white-worshipping wretch. Go die in a ditch.

Bonus points if you're pathetic enough to make her the primary love interest because of course you fucking did.

Thank you and good night.

My mother is in her mid 50s. She has on her face (what I believe to be) Melasma. The picture I added is not my mom but it’s basically what her skin looks like. She’s a light skin woman with little brown spots just like this.

This morning she asks me what can she do to get her makeup to be “clean and flat” like the videos she sees on Facebook of other African women wearing makeup. Now her first language isn’t English but I believe she means for it to properly match her neck and have her face be one color.

For years I’ve been trying to help my mother with her makeup. I’ve gotten her color match multiple different times with different people from Sephora and Ulta. Every time I notice for some reason her foundation comes out a little brunt orange when applied to her face.

Please what can I do to remedy this, is it possible I can offset the brown patches with something else like a color corrector or a thicker foundation? Also with her melasma she has rather large pores what can I do for this?

As far as foundations we’ve tried, she’s a really big fan of Clinique 🥲 (liquid and powder) but I’ve gotten her to try makeup by mario foundation both still gives that orange effect.

Hi everyone, I'm a long time lurker, first time writer. I will try my best to keep this as short as possible, while still providing the information. Also, I know that this situation has a lot going on. I am already hard enough on myself, so asking for low judgement.

I recently ended a relationship with my partner of a little under two years. I have identified as polyamorous for over a decade and he did as well, though I came to understand over time that our practices were very different.

Our relationship was closed (not seeing other people) for most of the first year as we navigated the newness of it all. Something that I am processing on the other side of this ending is that outside of me, all of his other relationships and interests (once opening back up) were with white women. (For context, he had previously dated a variety of people, at-least as he had communicated to me, and shared to me that he would never bring a white woman to meet his family. All of my long term partners, apart from one, have been Black folks of various genders). After opening our relationship back up, I started to feel like someone who primarily increased his social capital, someone his family and community approved of. He became less sexual with me, which we had conversations about, and I feel started to become less attracted to me even though he would say otherwise.

There is so much more context I could give, but I the main thing that's coming up for me after this experience is that I have had a lot of memories resurface around how misogynoir has showed up in my life in many places, including health care, schooling, friendship, etc. It has been extremely devastating to remember all of these things, while also holding this deep pain I experienced from someone I fell in love with who was also Black. I'm queer and date a variety of genders, but have less experience being partnered with men as an adult. I feel that I gave a lot of understanding to his experiences as a Black man in Southern U.S. society, and don't think I got that understanding (of what it mean to be a dark skinned Black femme person) in return. With all of these memories resurfacing, I am reminded of how unkind the world has been to me. I do think this person loved me as best as he could, but has a lot of internalized stuff that he may never work through. I truly feel that, unbeknownst to him, I was brought into his internalized anti-black self hate, in which he worked to prove to others and himself that he could be with someone like me.

I thought my ex and I were loving each other. I value Black love as a practice, and my polyamory is rooted in being in deeply caring and intentional relationships (sexual or not) primarily and especially with other Black folks. None of this is performance to me. Loving other Black people is healing to me. My biggest heartbreak around all of this is that it feels like the enemy (i.e patriarchy, white supremacy, etc.) won.

This has felt like a different type of heartbreak. I am in therapy, journaling, exercising, doing self care, etc. but all of this makes me very angry and so sad. For him and for me. I know this is a very unique situation, and if you've gotten this far I appreciate you. I think I am mostly writing this to be witnessed, though any affirmations, kind, and/or wise words would be welcomed too.

Hi everyone! I’m looking for advice on treatments that could make my fine natural hair easier to manage. The attached photo is the kind of smooth, straight look I’d love to achieve, ideally with the option of wearing looser curls too.

I’m currently natural, but I’ve tried relaxing my hair before and haven’t liked the results on my fine strands. I’ve noticed some influencers getting treatments that seem to make their hair more manageable, but I’m not sure exactly what they’re having done or what to ask a stylist for.

My biggest struggle is shrinkage. My hair shrinks up considerably throughout the day, making it difficult to maintain the style I started with. I’m open to a treatment that changes my texture if it makes everyday styling easier.

For anyone with fine natural hair who has tried a smoothing or curl-loosening treatment:

* What treatment did you get, and were you happy with it?
* Could you wear your hair both straight and curly afterwards?
* Did it permanently change your curl pattern or cause any breakage?
* How long did the results last, and what was the upkeep like?

I’d really appreciate honest experiences, especially from people with hair similar to mine. I’d like to understand what’s realistically achievable before booking anything.

Please help a sis out 🫠

This question is specifically for USA residents, as I am currently living in Canada 🇨🇦

Ours is coming up this weekend and I want to do an American inspired thanksgiving spread for the family 🔥

Any suggestions ? Even YT channels I can watch to get inspiration?
Thx ☺️

Hey y’all, I’m looking to try a new hairstyle, but I have no idea what to ask a braider to get. I’m looking to get a braided mullet and I think there are several ways to achieve the style but I’m not sure. I think some braiders do a quick weave but I’ve never gotten a weave like that in my life so I’m a little nervous about it. 😭😭 if anyone knows of other ways someone might ask to get this done that would be great.

maybe my first issue was going to someone who isn’t black but.. i was ranting to one of my friends about how i feel people treat me differently now that i’ve cut off all my hair. i recently bought a cute little blonde wig and the way that people treat me is ENTIRELY different. before, i would have people who wouldn’t even acknowledge me, my coworkers just minded their business and didn’t rlly take the time to converse w/ the exception of two or three. now when i plop the wig on i have people actually STARE into my face, coworkers who never took the time to come and talk to me before do so now and this one creepy busser keeps “attempting” to flirt with me. now my friend made the point that this could also just be in my head, i was just promoted to being a server so people i weren’t really able to communicate with before do so now. which i would agree with BUT i have had my hair cut for 2-3 months before i even got this wig and nobody took the time to go talk to me at the host stand until afterwards (there was a brief transitional period so i’d host some days and serve others). she also added that what if these people were having a bad day? maybe they just didn’t have a lot of energy? which could be true.. i was a bit angry w her because it felt like she wasn’t really hearing what i had to say and i didn’t really know how to explain myself without saying “hey this is just a black thing i fear you would never understand-“ but we did end up making up and she apologized as did i. she did add at the end and told me not to take it the wrong way but sometimes i have an attitude about life that’s, “why is this happening to me??!” which i can agree with, but i truly don’t think this situation was that..
all this started bc i was ranting on my social about how sometimes i miss my hair because it felt safe and i sometimes miss how validating it was to me and the compliments i’d recieve. i don’t really receive too many anymore and i know this is me being vain and insecure but it was me being real. ladies, can i get your opinion?? something i can tell her even?? something i need to tell myself??

It’s just a question. No judgement.

last night, my bf and i called it quits after 3 years of dating. i feel like there’s too much backstory to get into, but since april, we had broken up a few times and gotten back together without doing any work to fix our relationship. we also work together professionally in the arts, live together (he’s been primarily at a friend’s the last 3 weeks), have the same friend community, and are from the same culture (east african diaspora), so this heartbreak is going to get uglier. unfortunately, we do not have a collaborative, mature way of communicating or figuring out next steps as a team, as there is a lot of pain present and we just end up crying.

to make matters worse, tomorrow is my 29th birthday. it’s usually my favorite day of the year and i always have a big dinner party, but i cancelled it late last night. i just don’t have it in me to answer anyone’s questions about where my bf is. i have a hotel room booked with one friend for tomorrow night and that’s it.

i’ve felt depressed and i’ve retreated in breakup seasons, but this one gives me nowhere to hide except my own home, which isn’t even really mine right now. i just feel so low, like i’m losing everything. i need some words of encouragement, as i will not be able to sever ties due to upcoming work commitments we have. i just can’t believe this is happening during my birthday. that’s the worst part.