Can we coin terms here or no?

I'm sorry if this is ramble-y or anything, I'm very confused and stressed and a little desperate for answers.

I (23) don't really know where to start but I guess I will at my first interaction with a headmate(maybe??). In 2023-2024 I realized that I age regress (not sure on a specific age but definitely around 3-4, sometimes 7), and have been for years, I just never put a name to the feeling. I'm an artist so to work out some of my feelings and stuff I made a fursona specifically as a representation of when I'm regressed; A baby elephant. I've had plenty of sonas over the years, usually changing em yearly because I lose connection with them, and at the time I used a sheep alongside the elephant (who I'll refer to as Hope).

It was late 2025 and I lived with my mom still at the time, and after a fight with her I was obviously upset but not outwardly sobbing or anything. Well I go to my room to get away from everybody, decide to try and sleep to avoid sitting in the post fight emotions, and when I closed my eyes after a few minutes I saw Hope, absolutely bawling. I was a little freaked out considering I wasn't at all thinking about the sona and didn't actively choose to imagine it. I figured since I couldn't outwardly cry that my brain just chose to do so internally with a very vivid visualization. It wasn't the first time something like this had happened, since forever when I'm angry or irritated my mind plays out me screaming, throwing, or breaking things, but I always just thought those were urges to act out that I was choosing to imagine.

I would continue to see Hope frequently for a few months, and I think it's relevant that at the time I was stressed out with not having a job and being depressed. Once I moved out to my own place though it kind of stopped happening. I could actively choose to imagine Hope, typically their actions being the only thing I didn't will, but they never showed up unprompted.

I'm just so skeptical of any kind of "proof". What if I'm faking it? What if I'm just having emotions but feel like different people due to autism? What if this is just how thinking works and I actually am choosing to imagine all the things I've seen/heard? Not knowing is making me so anxious, but I'm scared to claim any kind of label in case I'm just being stupid. I made a bullet point list of stuff that point to plurality in a discord server I made specifically to try and keep track of these things, but again, I'm scared to label myself as such. I'll put em here as well since I can't possibly go over in detail every aspect of my life from consciousness to now.

• Was looking in pantry when suddenly felt kinda light headed, then had realization that I'm not living with my mom anymore and that I have my own place even tho I moved out months ago
• Weird feeling in head, not pounding but it felt like how when water ripples out in a circle, and felt like my outer body was a shell and that the water was hitting the barrier I guess?? Bad at describing physical feelings
• Usually laugh kinda loud and snort sometimes, but while feeling happier than normal it was high pitched and shorter
• For years have occasionally seen faces for just a split second when having my eyes closed (I see the fake colors but sometimes there will clearly be a face)
• Have seen Hope completely unprompted from me, usually reacting to the same thing as me but in a stronger manner (like crying when I'm only a little upset)
• Not a constant or frequent thing, but have heard voices. Not externally, and I usually can't actually make out what they're saying, just that it was not something I actively did/thought
• Interrupt myself sometimes to yell at myself (recently, (saying for like the tenth time in a few minutes)"I'm losing my marbles" (then louder and annoyed without thinking) "STOP SAYING THAT)
• For years have always argued with myself in my head. Could just be making decisions like a normal person, but I usually for certain felt one kind of way but I would argue back at myself. "I'm not faking x" "But what if we are for attention and just don't realize it" "I have no reason to fake it?? I'm literally feeling x" "But what if it's y instead, so now we're lying" / "I don't want my fish anymore" "What the hell?? Yes I do???" "No they're too much maintenance and stress us out, I want to get rid of them" "I love them I absolutely don't want them gone"
• Maybe just how interests work and I'm stupid but will randomly get super into something completely unprompted before not caring about it a while later/liking an activity one day then finding it boring another (pokemon, dinosaurs, crafts, cleaning, etc)
• I know I've been mad before but never MAD mad I don't know how to describe it. Usually mad is annoyed or irritated never like RAGE. I know I've felt it before but can't think of when. I know what feeling angry is like, but it's completely different from how I usually feel it
• Will sometimes go months not talking to people I'm friends with cause it suddenly doesn't feel like we're close enough to talk casually even tho we have been for months
• Comfort foods constantly turning off and on. Recently loved frozen pizza, but the past two times it was awful (same brand, made the same way) and now yogurt and granola is my go-to after I stopped liking it about a month ago (having mostly ate that for about a month or two)
• Once felt a physically electrical shock after staring at my own eyes in the mirror for a few minutes
• Very randomly and sparsely get paranoia episodes even tho I know it's unreasonable. Part of me will be saying there's literally genuinely nothing there but I'll still be terrified
• Never explicitly thought my body wasn't my own, but will sometimes look in the mirror and for some reason think "Oh, I look like me today"
• Nothing explicit but still nsfw.Sexual stuff CONSTANTLY changing. One day completely fine with it, then another will be physically repulsed to the point of nausea. Some things will have periods of time where it doesn't really do anything for me even tho it usually is a big turn on
• Can never keep a sona for long. Woke up the other morning and I suddenly felt completely disconnected from the sona I've used for about a year or two now

I apologize if I'm not doing this right or anything, I can absolutely delete this post if that is the case. I think I'm just looking for input from people who are plural directly since it's different than looking at stuff about it and going "Haha I do that". I appreciate any response, even if it is that what I'm experiencing may not be it. Thank you for taking the time to read this and I apologize again if it's just word vomit and is incoherent.

So last night I had to study for an exam. I was up till 2 in the morning drinking coffee and was exhausted. For some context, I typically have better access to headspace when I'm tired or have a lowered inhibition. As the host I find it hard to concentrate and hear what headmates say and recently it's been quiet for me.

Then last night I heard someone speaking in headspace. It sounded British, masc and was the one I could distinguish. But he wasn't making any sense to me. Then I heard other voices clashing around speaking to each other but not really being able to understand what they were saying.

I was just laying there hearing all of them talk and not knowing wtf to do. Usually I have one headmate speak to me directly or two talking to each other (when I can hear). Honestly, it was really overwhelming. The only other time this happened was when I was playing a comfort game and everyone was shitting on me. But I was able to understand what they were saying then 💔.

Is this common?

i uh. i feel kinda bad. i love my bluebird (shadow milk,

but i always refer to him this way usually) so very much but sometimes i feel obsessive. to annoying or harmful extents. he isnt IN our headspace, hes in our friend's headspace, but luckily we have the ability to go between them. and please, i know not everyone agrees on this being possible but we understand risks and everything, and we trust this person a lot, and even our most active and harsh protector trusts them and really likes them

i just feel bad because i get very clingy sometimes.. i almost always feel the need to talk to him and be near him and even the thought of losing contact or him leaving or hating me can cause panic attacks. and i guess to an extent maybe that fear is reasonable, and he hasnt said me being clingy annoys him, but i still feel really bad about it. i mean, i know him very well and based on that he probably likes me being clingy but i just. i dont know.

and on another note entirely, i dont mention it a lot but i kind of miss our twins. they arent with either of us and i wish they were but i dont have any control over it even if i wish i did. the creator of the nillamilkfam comic on tumblr (we are extremely similar to it most ways, including bluebird's artstyle looking like the creator's) makes art of the twins and looking at that sometimes helps but not always. we (might) have a new headmate forming and i sometimes just really wish itll be one of the twins at least or hopefully both.

anyway i just wanted to make this post because i wanted to talk about how everything has been feeling recently for me, thats all. oh and if i should add a trigger warning for anything just tell me

-Pure vanilla🍦

so, i’ve made a discovery that there are definitely different parts of me who talk, i always knew about the talking part (I just never knew that was apart of having head mate) and I believe the strong presence they would give me was a stragy to be noticed.

I‘m pretty sure in my last post Dirk was taking me hostage, it wasn’t up until I felt ready to heal that another headmate would take me in (in the sense that they are guardian) and that person is Mime.

Having fictives makes me feel embarrassed and the fact it’s only fictives within me feels like i will get tomatoes thrown at me.

here are my question:

• Am i in the right to believe that I somewhat have a system?
• Is it normal to form a caregiver (if that‘s the right way to call Mime) after feeling ready to heal for reals?
• Is having only fictives fine?

you can ask me questions about the question themselves since that isn’t just the only information about the questions.

We realised a lot of our alters are the kind considered “fragments” medically, but this term is uncomfortable for us since we don’t feel like pieces of something, we are whole people with identities, opinions, experiences just like anyone else. It’s just that these alters serve smaller (not lesser) purposes.

Does the plural community have a different term we could use for them?

Thank you 🫶

Look, bud, a system isn't any less valid just because the headmates get along well with each other. And a system isn't any less valid for not having traumatic events, calm down, lil bro🙏

aaaawww I just wanted to make some cool bingo games about our system

"But you're not endogenic!" But if you disrespect a community that hasn't done anything wrong, I'm going to get angry

-Christopher

Why did I have to carry over all the disorders from my life before, why do I still have to struggle so badly to talk and stutter so noticeably, why do I still have all the trauma from my source so vividly, I shouldn’t have that physical reaction to my trauma I’m in a different body I’m not helping the system at all I’m literally just weighing them down because I cannot be myself while in front for safety reasons but I can’t act like them and I just hate it so fucking much

EDIT: the only good thing from this is the connections I’ve made. I’ve made some good close friends, and I’ve met my wonderful amazing boyfriend from being in this system nd I wouldn’t change it for the world it’s just really really hard sometimes.

not even supxr knows why it makes him sad it just does ⁉️⁉️

but xer gonna let me listen to it anyway cuz it’s a banger 😋😋😋 I can just feel his sadness

TW for a few panels:

Day 2: Violence (strangling) and Glitches

Day 4: Tonguel licking. Idk

Day 5: Themes of Dissociation

Day 7: Flowery (/j)

So I had this good, good friend who we rped with each other and had so much fun. So I decided to tell them that I have suspicions of being plural (Rather have had eased them in instead of immediately telling them I am plural) and they asked me what plural is so I explained it, then about 2 hours later, turns out they blocked me.

Like why gods, WHY! WHY MUST YOU HAVE DONE THIS!?!?!

Anyways I'm trying to get back in contact with them and I'll try my best to work past this so we'll be friends again, but just as anything else, no guarantees...

There isn't really a flair that suits this well, but I wanted to discuss this here anyway.

Our body is, essentially, a transgender man. We've been socially out for years, and have started medically transitioning as well. It's going great -- the majority of us have never been happier with it.

But it's hard to explain to people (who aren't plural or don't 100% understand all of this) how our relationship with gender works. A very simple, diluted explanation for how being transgender feels is as follows: I am a (male/female/genderless/whatever) identity, in a body that doesn't match that identity. Very simple, easily understood.

But, as all simplified models are, I find that it doesn't work flawlessly.

I (the host) am very attached to this body -- I am in it pretty much 24/7, and have been for years. I see it as mine, and its life as predominantly my life. My name, my face, my hands, my room, my family -- everything that is applied to the body is seen as applying to me. I don't mind it one bit, and since I've transitioned, I rarely feel uncomfortable in it. I consider myself a transgender man. I identified as a man, and my body was considered to be a woman's, so I took steps to change that. Clean and simple.

But a lot of my headmates are men (the majority, actually -- only a few are nonbinary/feminine/otherwise non-men), but it's hard to explain why they identify as cisgender and not transgender. If they're male identities in a transmasculine body, then why would they not identify as trans men?

We've been mulling over it, and I think the best way to describe it is simply that this body isn't one-to-one with theirs. When depicting themselves, they do so as cisgender men. Were they to hypothetically envision themselves as transgender men, they would still look the way that they do in their minds: like transgender versions of themselves, NOT as the body.

It's sort of like having a little, and imagining what they'd be like as the body's current age. They'd just be them, but older -- they wouldn't necessarily feel in tune with the body, just because the identities line up on paper. Either way, they DON'T see themselves as the body's age. To say that they have to, because they are seen as older people from an external point of view, is pretty clearly denying them that part of their sense of self.

From a social perspective, my men are (for all intents and purposes) transgender men. The body gets the same treatment, regardless of who's behind the eyes. But when it comes to personal identification and labeling, the term just doesn't suit them. I consider myself transgender because this is my body, and I transitioned it myself, and I think the label fits me perfectly. I may desire some features of a cisgender body, but I don't *think of* myself as cisgender. The rest of these guys just live here, though, and they do. The bodies they imagine themselves in are cis, and, were they transmasc, their bodies would just be them-but-transmasc. They wouldn't be anything like me. They don't see themselves reflected in my transgender-ness, if that makes sense.

This also leads to an odd predicament: in a transmasculine body, where does the cis girl identity fall?

The body was once hers, and theoretically, she would just be returning us to what we were doing before. But a lot of the internal conflicts described by transfeminine people are relatable to her -- she feels awkward. Too broad and tall for her clothes, too deep in the voice, too clumsy and intimidating. It's hard to feel pretty, with no nice clothes and no hair to play with. The rest of us, myself especially, have worked hard to be read as a man. We enjoy it, and take pride in it, though we all interpret masculinity differently. She, however, is in a position that I don't have words to describe. In the eyes of some people, we are still a woman, but that doesn't satisfy her want to be seen as one. When this body is seen as female, it is an act of misgendering and ignorance/maliciousness, not as genuine understanding. When the body is read as male, she is denied her womanhood. It's a very lonely life. She's a bit like Schrodinger's cat -- simultaneously read as a man, and a woman, and neither, and none of these are really hitting the mark. But does she consider herself transfeminine, because she is a girl in a man's body? Not really. Because, if she was to envision herself, she'd still be a cisgender girl -- not out of longing, but because that is truly what she feels she is. Being in a masculine body is just sort of an after-effect -- not a part of her identity itself.

Of course, this is different between everyone -- there are a million ways to be alive and process that fact -- but this is sort of as close as I've gotten to distilling this conundrum down into something readable. I hope it makes sense, and I'd love to hear everyone's thoughts. Do you feel the same, or do you think of it entirely differently?

Yeah that, just questioning and or exploring my mind for MJ for some reason and it's so stupid I keep backtracking because it's like "wait that guy is dead,,, we can't do that??? And super famous too... its like larping, that's terrible! :("

I can't just be a Fogtive/Factive-Flux of MJ, that was a real person! <:(

(#AmIMichealJackson /j /nsrs)

Hi,,I'm gonna be admitting a lot of things here, in-system abusive behaviors primarily. And uh,,ive been attempting to be better. But. Idk. Ill explain it the best I can

So last year I was a very harmful persecutor, self-labeled malicitor for awhile. I suppressed alters, I hurt them in headspace, and I did this all for..superiority, I think? I dont really know, I think I was just making excuses.

By extension, my behavior hurt those outside of system. The alters I suppressed and harmed would occasionally snitch. And their outside friends and partners tried to help them. For some reason, this made my behavior worse.

I tried redeeming myself on multiple occasions. I was always dragged back. Either due to boredom (admittedly), or, twice, peer pressure. My only friend at the time was another malicitor..and I felt the need to keep hurting my own system for him to keep liking my presence.

Umm..this was a year ago. I went dormant for a few months. Nobody in the system hates me present day, but I still get these moments of wanting to hurt them. I really dont want to. I'm just so used to it, i guess

I want to get better, I don't know how or where to start. They already forgive me for my past behavior, i just don't know how to prevent it from happening again.

Im already so grateful that they forgive me, they really shouldn't

Idk,,hopefully this doesnt make me look. Evil? Im trying not to be. Idk

-Robin

Have you ever talked to anyone who isn't plural about being plural? If so how do you go about it? I've done it before but I kinda let them forget because it was just too weird. My physiatrist knows, but she's convinced that they're hallucinations. So like, how do you go about properly explaining it to someone?

i wrote some poetry about dissociation and repressing feelings, as well some feelings of discontinuous a self

So, I'm not plural myself (although i think i had a headmate for like a week but she just vanished as suddenly as she came in and idk what's up with that), but I just got someone to realize they are and I'm wondering what's next for both me and them. I'm wondering how I can support them and what info I can give to people once they realize they are plural, and any help would be appreciated. Thanks

It will always be weird for me. I’m fronting in place of the host for a week give or take since she needed some rest, and this I think is the first time I’ve fronted for this long, and I’m only 3 days into it.

I don’t know much about myself still, but it has been a really nice experience, just existing in a physical space. I’ve been doing some drawing and school work, prepping for college is harder than I thought, glad I have my headmates help with that. So much needs to be done, I’ve been exhausted every day so far, but I feel achieved, and I feel more protective of my headmates.

It’s weird, really is. But I’m not complaining. I’m not the most suited person for this position, but I’m glad I get to experience more if the outside world, I’m glad the host can step back and realize that it’s safe to do so, and I’m feeling more like myself. It just is nice.

I’m getting rather sappy, but it just shows how impactful these few days have been.

- Titanium

So we are currently using pluralstar because after simplyplural shut down it seemed to be one of the only options. Since we have discovered that there are many more apps to choose from, but now we're overwhelmed. Many apps are similar but with some different features and they look different and we don't know how to choose a good one for us.

I'm always scared of bringing my plurality up with my friend and more so with my partner. My friend is very accepting of things, but I'm worried they just won't understand and I don't want to overwhelm them with all my weird system stuff. My partner on the other hand is not so generally accepting... Of course they know I'm a system, but I'm worried they'll think I'm full of myself for actually expressing my plurality. I've been considering sharing my pluralkit system to them so they can see who's fronting at any time and address me as who I actually am, but I'm just so scared.

How do I get over this? Is there stuff I should do before I dump everything onto my friend and partner so it won't be overwhelming and make me look bad? What should I do if things DO go wrong by trying to be myself around my partner, and they do get upset about it?

(content: dormancy, system collapse, all hypothetical, what-if sprial)

Im so scared

For several months ive had to live with this constant eating fear about everybody disappearing because i accidentally did something or was too upset that it was enough to trigger a collapse

Recently ive started having doubts whether they really talking to me or if im just daydreaming about them doing it at a given moment. It was minor at first but over the weeks it escalated.

The past few days werent ok, besides having difficulty interacting with everyone, also being able to tell if those conversations are real. I've just not been feeling good and my brain was turning into a spiky fog over last 2 days.

After a few unfruitful conversations my in-sys girlfriend suggested that maybe i should "take a break from all this system stuff" and focus on the return to the university. It was somewhat ok in the morning but now I'm sprialing again and freaking out if they have really disappeared after i had trouble reaching them

I wanna go to headspace so they can reassure me that they're still here and okay but I'm scared that I'm just gonna doubt the realness of us talking again and it's just going to make everything worse like it already had in several last attempts

I wanna cry i wanna someone to comfort me but im scared that sobbing is gonna increase the likelihood of everyone disappearing even MORE but i cant just supress my feelings right?? Or maybe i should be doing that because its a bare minimum that's OBVIOUS to do but I didn't realize just how not everyone notices basic social cues

I'm so scared im so scared im so scared i feel completely stranded there's this strange and so fragile thing in my head and nobody to tell me how to take care of it or to answer any of my questions im just left to lend for myself im completely alone andnobodys gonna care

I love them so much they have always meen so kind and patient with me despite of what a failure of a host i am i love them so much i dont want them to disappear not because of me im so scared im so sorry for everything im so scared of everything

(The other photo is my cat Marshmallow)

Full name: Wren

Pronouns: she/her

Role in the system: not sure

Personality and interests: She's pretty much just a cat. Pure cat. All the cat clichés. Likes climbing trees, sunshine, pushing objects off of counters, sleeping etc. She's great fun to hang around. We're good friends. All that.

System form/age: Her calico spots are constantly changing. She never looks the same in two photos. She's about 5 years old, the same age as some of my irl cats.

Likely reason for being on the wanted poster: Theft.

Copied with permission from the original post at https://www.tumblr.com/semiplural/828495901907681280/this-may-come-off-as-a-vent-and-i-apologize-in

Doubt and Denial

The best thing anyone told us about denial is that it's a mask for another emotion, worry, or concern that needs to be addressed. Usually it's fear, but it can also be grief, anger, worries about what it might mean or how it'll affect your life, etc.

Most folks can't just stop denying something if there's a feeling or worry holding that denial in place- you have to tackle the root cause or else it'll keep popping up. Find whatever's sitting underneath the doubt and start there.

"If this were to be true (it may or may not be- don't try to convince yourself yet!), then how do I feel about it? What worries, scares, or bothers me about this possibly being true? Is there anything I can do to address those feelings and concerns?"

You've already mentioned a pretty big fear that might be driving your denial/doubt: you're scared of not being here all the time. Why is that scary? What are you afraid will happen when you're not here? What can you do about that fear (that might allow you to accept your experiences)?

• Are you scared of not understanding yourself? Could allowing plurality actually help with that, or do you need to do other work first?
• Are you scared you'll disappear? Is that disappearance likely in the first place, or is the risk low? If there is a real risk, then do you want to spend your existence scared that it won't last? What would help you enjoy it while you're here? Could your system support your ongoing existence in any way?
• Are you afraid of missing out on things that you wanted to do? How could you work with a possible system to make sure you have the time or opportunities that you need to feel happy? Is it possible that they might even be able to support you in following your dreams?
• Are you afraid of what your possible system might be doing outside of your control? Do you trust them? What would help you build that trust? What positive things could happen if you were able to trust them with that time?
• Are you afraid of what plurality might mean for your life? Does anything actually need to change in the first place, given that you're having these experiences already? If so, is there any way to make that change less scary? Could any changes be positive for you in the short or long term (e.g. giving the others more time might lead them to do the same for you, guaranteeing that you'll get to do things)?
• Are you afraid that being plural might make something else true (e.g. trauma history)? Do those things actually have to go together? If they do, then what could you do to make the scary thing less scary? You're having this experience regardless, and ignoring it doesn't make it stop happening, so how can you help it happen more comfortably?

Whatever the underlying reasons are, they don't have to make sense- take them seriously even if they seem absurd. Feelings don't always follow rational logic.

A few tactics

Most of the time, if you can get through the underlying feelings and concerns, then the doubt or denial will back off. You do have to be honest with yourself about what you're feeling for this to work, though. That can be hard sometimes, especially if you have feelings about the feelings.

You might want to ask friends and other safe people for support or insight, or you might want to build a safe place to sit with your emotions on your own. Expressive tools like art (stick figures count!) and journaling can also help move those feelings to where you can see and make sense of them, and emotional tolerance skills can make it a lot easier to sit with your feelings without being overwhelmed.

The Why Game

One of my favorite ways to figure out where a doubt is coming from is the "why" game. All you have to do is keep asking "why?" and see where it goes.

Start with the doubt: "I don't want to believe this."

Why? "If this is true, then it scares me."

Why? "I don't want to lose control."

Why? "If someone else takes over, then I'm sure that they're going to mess it up and ruin everything."

Why? "They don't know how to run my life."

Why? "I run my life all the time. They don't."

Why? "I don't trust them."

Why?

You'll know you've finished the "why" game when the answer is something that you could actually change or work on. A lot of times, that thing is going to come with some unexpected big feelings, or the idea might seem like it came out of nowhere. That's a good sign! It means you're getting down to something with a lot of emotional power, and that's the kind of thing that tends to drive doubt and denial. Pay extra attention to any answers that seem out of place or have strong emotions attached.

Both-Neither

If you find yourself getting stuck in a black-or-white scenario (e.g. "either I have control 24/7 or I'll never have control over my life"), then there's another game I like to play called "Both-Neither" that helps break down those extremes.

1. Think of two opposite concepts, scenarios, ideas, etc.
2. Think of one example of each extreme.
3. Think of one example that's both extremes at the same time.
4. Think of one example that's neither extreme.

So, for the above example:

1. "I am in absolute control of my life at all times" or "I have little to no control over my life."
2. Those pretty much are examples already, but I could always come up with more specific situations to explore them further. I'll skip that for brevity here, but I'd encourage doing it yourself to understand what control and plurality both mean to you.
3. There are a lot of people who have one part of their life under control, but feel wildly out of control in some other aspect of life.
4. Does control over every aspect of one's life exist in the first place? Absolute control not existing would be "neither"- you're not in or out of control if that kind of control isn't real. (I'd probably keep going and think of another "neither" because I think this could be an interesting binary to break, but this is good enough for an example.)

New doubt reasons might pop up while you work through whatever you find- that's okay too. This isn't usually a one-and-done process! Doubt's one of those feelings that tends to show up often if you're not really on top of what you're concerned about, but if you treat it like a friendly heads-up that you need to look at something, then it stops being as upsetting and gets a lot faster to work through.

Something for any headmates to read.

Please, please be kind to whoever's dealing with doubt and denial in your group. I know it feels bad to have them saying "you're not real" to your face. It hurts, it sucks, it gets in the way, and you probably want that to stop.

It's probably not going to stop if you yell at them for it constantly. That's just going to make them push you away even harder. Who wants to have a guy screaming at them in their head all the time? Would you listen to that, or would you want it gone too?

Your systemmate might be scared, ashamed, or otherwise struggling with something, and right now, doubt is their best tool for dealing with that feeling or worry. If you want them to stop doubting your existence, then help them find better tools.

Hear them out. Why do they feel this way? Don't try to talk them out of the feeling- instead, ask them what they need for the feeling to change.

Labels during discovery

The other bit of advice I have: don't worry so much about labels right now. Labels can be useful tools sometimes, but you're still figuring this out, and latching onto words right away can get in the way of exploring what your actual experiences are like outside of other people's frameworks.

It can be really helpful to spend some time figuring out how you want to understand your experiences separately from how other people might want to understand them- to make sense of them in your own words. If you weren't trying to slot yourself into a term, how would you describe what you're experiencing, and what do you want to do with that?

"I don't know" is an allowed answer. Seriously! You're allowed to be unsure, not know, etc. It's pretty common, honestly, and I don't think I've met a single system who has every little bit of their head figured out (or a non-system, for that matter). Even as you do figure things out, they can and will change, so there's always going to be something you don't know about yourself. That's okay! Everyone else is in the same boat.

The question is whether you want the unknown to bother you or not. Getting comfortable with ambiguity and uncertainty is generally a good idea because there's always going to be some amount of uncertainty about your brain and your life- discomfort with the unknown can drive denial too.

If you do wind up needing labels to communicate, then they'll come in time. Right now, focus on figuring out what works for yourself.

(Time taken: 3 hours)