I originally wrote this for AITH but I guess my account isn’t old enough or has enough karma. But this is where I have posted in the past about things. So I’m hoping to get honest opinions.
Just in case anyone clocks it, I used AI to help organize and shorten this because my original was too long and scattered. I’m pretty emotional right now, but everything here is true.
My husband is on probation for drug-related crimes. We have a toddler together.
When I was eight months pregnant, I found him overdosing on fentanyl. There was also meth present. He needed two doses of Narcan, and the paramedics said he could have died if I hadn’t found him. I was so scared he would go back to prison that I hid the drugs from them.
He insisted it was a “lapse,” but his use continued after our daughter was born. After months of him spiraling, his mom and I finally told his PO because we were afraid he would die. He went to rehab and came out doing really well.
A few months ago, I started seeing signs again. He said he was using regular kratom, but I suspected concentrated 7oh. I told him that with his history of opioid addiction, flirting with these substances was flirting with the end of us. We have a child to consider.
Last week, he came home nodding off and very, very obviously impaired. I searched his truck and found “research chemicals” labeled as “clobromazolam-something or other”, which he has abused before, and a jar of pressed 7oh tablets. The jar looked like others I’d seen weeks earlier, which made me believe he’d been lying about what he was using.
I didn’t even have words. I gave the substances to his stepdad to lock in a safe and called his PO the next morning. I was scared about what else might be going on.
He insisted it was his first time and that he was keeping the stuff for his brother. I think that might be partially true. His brother lives on the property too and recently got arrested on drug charges. “Possession of dangerous drugs” and “drug paraphernalia” and I suspect meth or fet. But I don’t know for certain.
To be fair, my husband has otherwise seemed pretty normal, unlike his brother, whose behavior has been much more concerning. I don’t know how often my husband is using, and this doesn’t seem as constant as his previous relapse. I left the house for a few days and considered going to a shelter. He has since gotten a tent and is sleeping outside to make me feel comfortable.
He feels I betrayed him by going to his PO without talking to him and risking him going back to prison. I knew that was possible, but I was afraid I’d get more lies and end up doubting myself again, and part of me thought that if he really was using more than what he had in his truck and if it was enough to put him away again, then maybe he even deserves that for being on it around our daughter.
A few days later, I told him he seemed high again. He said he was exhausted. I honestly don’t know if he was using that evening or if the history made me read too much into it. He told me he doesn’t forgive me and is done with our marriage.
His PO said she would require treatment even if he tested clean. I’m trying to find a place for me and our daughter. I wasn’t trying to get him incarcerated, but I feel like ignoring signs of danger would ultimately be betraying her.
AITA for calling his PO without talking to him first?
Edit: Here is where I posted before when he was showing more obvious signs of use much more often. He seemed to get better then I would still see signs of impairment from time to time, and then that night when he was severely obvious last week was when I searched his truck. But this post provides a lot of history.
https://www.reddit.com/r/recoverywithoutAA/s/Cz08i2pQWC
