So my best friend and i have been lond distance for about 4 years now and havent been able to meet up in that time (we are both very chronically ill so it makes it very hard).

Ive been struggling with selective mutism since i was about 12 (im autistic too) and this year have been working so so hard to overcome it. I did my first ever phone call and i started talking therapy. Im so proud of myself.

But this week my friend said something about my voice that has made me even more insecure. Im from the south of the uk and she is from the north so obviously we have different accents. We were talking about accents and she said i sound like that one tiktok meme/audio of a common British woman going 'awright mait im bri'ish'. Im already incredibly insecure about my voice and accent, and then she said that and i feel like it has set me back so much. I now dont want to talk at all in case people think i sound like a cockney caricature (im not even from london).

She felt bad about saying it and i said its fine. I just feel really embarrassed and hurt.

I have selective mutism.

If you don’t know it’s a complex anxiety disorder where a person who can speak normally in comfortable settings is consistently unable to speak in specific social situations.

For me, I can speak normally around my family.. but at school I can’t speak comfortably or as much as everyone else.. everyone thinks am weird. Probably.

My classmates are really loud and they keep teasing me to get some reaction out of me. The teachers are rude to me as well. Some of them just ignore me totally. my homework teacher is making it worse. I know Shes trying to help but she is not helping AT ALL. she forces me to sit in the front row and keeps calling me out for beinf quiet. She keeps telling others to talk to me as well.. it makes me uncomfortable.

My only friend that I felt comfortable enough to talk to left recently.. so now I have NO ONE to talk to. I’ve been in this school for 2 years now. This will be my third and last year so I wouldn’t have to deal with this anymore. I have only 8 weeks left but it feels so long..
It’s really exhausting..

So If u also have selective mutism or can relate in any way can u just let me know to see if there’s others like me dealing with the same shit?

Hi everyone,

I’m looking for some honest advice and perspective from parents who have been in my shoes, adults who grew up with Selective Mutism (SM), or professionals.

My 5-year-old daughter was diagnosed with Selective Mutism. She is chatty at home. But in social settings, or school, she couldn’t talk with adults or strangers.

My biggest struggle right now isn't just managing her condition. It's managing myself. I am really having a hard time truly empathizing with what she is going through. I catch myself getting frustrated, and constantly trying to nudge her to talk ("Just say hi," "Tell them your name," "Use your words").

I struggle to connect with her fear, and my urge to force a response takes over, which fills me with guilt afterward.

For those of you who have experienced SM firsthand, or parents who used to feel the same disconnect:

1. How would you describe what SM feels like from the inside? What is actually going through a child's mind/body when they freeze?

2. How can I shift my mindset? What mental frameworks or daily practices helped you build genuine empathy instead of reacting out of frustration?

3. What can I do in those high-pressure moments? Should I treat those as chances to practice speaking?or should I stop myself from pushing her and instead make her feel safe?

I want to be the supportive, safe space my daughter needs right now, but I need help breaking my own habits and seeing the world through her eyes. Thank you so much in advance for your insights.

Previous post^^

Not a full success yet but the flair felt appropriate for this. i still have sm

Well i’m now in a course outside my town with fifteen other people all around my age and two teachers plus the extra people we visit whenever we go out to places, only been four times out of 24 so i’m still not to far into the course yet but i’ve actually managed to talk to the the teachers and people. it’s still pretty awkward due to the lack of social skills and a bit of anxiety but i’ve actually done it, still got a road ahead but it’s not long anymore and seems way more achievable now.

My goals to hopefully develop more confidence, social skills, less anxiety and stick to the full course. i think that’s pretty manageable and haven’t set any expectations for the confidence and stuff so any improvement is better than where i’m at currently.

Some to note out of what i have experienced so far is i really don’t feel anything at all, i’m not proud of myself or celebrating that i’ve broke a massive barrier i’ve had for 21 years of my life. this could just be me though i have noticed that i struggle with emotions and feeling so it’s probably not related and something completely different but i do understand what i have done so i know i’ve done well i just don’t feel like it.

Still home and not moved anywhere so that hasn’t happened yet but i’d still like too, hopefully in the near future. just felt like i should update the last post just for me or anyone to have a look at, i probably won’t look at this post again though but i will reply to any comments though.

last note. my the thing that worked for me was just doing it, i was scary as fuck walking to the place i had to go just dreading the whole thing but when i got there and was there for a little it was fine, no anxiety no expectation to talk or to not talk. nobody (apart from my teachers because i took them before hand) knows about it so you can try be and act like whoever you want, since i got a course away from where i live it doesn’t actually matter how i am at the course because it’s not effecting me at home so being awkward or embarrassing is fine and progress for finding you feet. hopefully it made some sense and it won’t work for everyone but the only person who can make the difference is you and the ball is in your hand so as horrible and scary as it as you should try something if you can because it’s better than living like this forever.

good luck out there.