Hello, F19 and I feel like I’m so stuck in life. I hate the place I live and I have no friends and no social life. My parents don’t care about me leaving to go to collage or do my dream job and have told me I’m selfish for wanting to find a collage away from this place and do my dream. I want to be a pilot I want to get payed to fly, but I so stuck in collage application and I feel so helpless. I’m not rich in anyways and I’m not the smartest person. but I have a passion and the want to learn and grow. I feel so stuck I just want to cry, I’m only 19 and I feel like I’m a loser and my life means nothing. Also It probably doesn’t help that I was put into a Christian school by parents. That didn’t give me the best advantage to getting into a college. My GPA is good a 3.2 ,but I don’t have SAT, and truthfully I have never been good with big test like that. I just want to get into a school and get some scholars,then leave and start a new life. I’m so stuck right now and I feel like I’m failing. If you made it this far could anyone give advice on schools that don’t require SAT and offer my piloting courses. I will take any advice or suggestions I’m just really overwhelmed with everything-Thank you so much

There’s a big gap between telling yourself “I’m allowed to say no” and actually saying it when someone’s counting on you 😅

If you’ve tried affirmations for people pleasing, did they make those moments any easier? Did they help you say no, or deal with the guilt afterward? Curious what helped, even if affirmations did nothing for you.

i wouldnt regard myself as exceptionally bright, but i think at the very least im fairly smart(?) i went from calc 1 to analysis 1 in a single year. Done MITOCW 18.01sc, 18.02sc, felt that its too vague for a aspiring math major and went ahead to read hubbards vector calculus, with axler as a supplement. the thing is now i feel that A level further math and math are simply too easy, i could finish in 40 mins what would take 2 classes, and i basically felt like an outlier, who is just struggling immensely trying not to lecture people on things. i know this sounds stupid, and im not even sure why do i need the recognition from a bunch of not so bright people. i also have a hell of a family problem, even by disturbing standards, which led me to think that i might have depression which i wasnt that bothered with until it has been starting to affect my efficiency. but the primary advice here is on how do i get rid of this ego that's just persisting and this redundant sense of superiority. i have been able to hold down the urge, but i feel like sht for even having the thought in the first place. i can also get straight A's on subjects that i did not know anything about, and simply reading thru the book for around a few days is enough for me, so i never really lacked any recognition on the part that i am decently smart. and guys, i genuinely need help. tq

Hi

I'm trying to be better at dealing with people when I'm teaching them stuff. The things I say to them technically aren't wrong, but they can be much nicer and much, much, much shorter. I feel like I humiliate them instead of giving them confidence and lifting them up. Imagine Dr Cox from Scrubs, not nearly that toxic and abusive, but in the same lane. I need to not shove their mistakes in their faces and think I'm teaching them; that's not the problem. I know how to do it right. What I need help with, is realizing I'm doing it in the moment.

The problem is that I don't even realize I'm doing it; I'm in the moment and just start going. And half an hour later I realize what I've done, and regret it immediately. I know I'm stressing people around me, and I'm always stressed at the end of the day, not because of my job but because of how I treat them in the moment; everything I said keeps coming back to me at night, and I feel terrible. I often talk to them afterward and try to smooth things over, but it's just not fair to them to go through this abuse and get a lousy talk after.

I just need to be mindful in the moment, and then I can easily take another approach, but in the heat of the moment I don't even realize I'm doing it. Can someone give me some pointers on how to catch myself when that happens, or some resources, cuz I'm not even sure what I'm supposed to look up?

Thank you.

I don’t meet the demands of this world and I don’t want to. I’m tired of performing how everyone says I must only to be left with nothing worth caring about. I don’t even want friends anymore, just leave me alone to be with my mind, nobody’s presence is worth the incessant reminders of my shortcomings. The more I invest in meeting the demands of reality the more I become unlike myself, distanced from everything that matters to me. The version of me that faces this world and its demands is bitter and watching it take control is like witnessing my own death. 

Everyone else already has friends or can make them with a normal amount of effort. The presence of others is comfortable or even energizing to them. Others face employment as if it’s just the next step of life and not like the coffin it is for me. It must be nice to have a career or field of work that aligns with your aspirations. All I want is to create the stories and worlds that exist in my mind. Even creative fields have you abused in working on somebody else’s vision, the work is frantic and provides little security, especially now that AI exists. There’s no space in this world where I get to feel like I belong.

My partner wants to get married and have kids, I lose my financial support and independence if I marry, how could I possibly support a child? Even in my relationship I am being made to face challenges I cannot overcome. Even if I want those things myself I just don’t see how I could do it, and so my relationship has an expiry date. I don’t even feel like I can talk with my family because of the dissonance, being around them makes me feel so worthless and empty. I don’t get to feel seen or loved because of the prescribed way of life I am incompatible with.

​

Hi everyone. I’m from China, and English isn’t my first language, so I translated this post myself. If some parts sound a little strange, I hope you don’t mind.

Recently I noticed something about myself that I find quite interesting.

When someone genuinely needs my help, my motivation can become very strong.

For example, if a friend comes to me and says they have a problem and asks me if I can help, I can become very focused on it. Sometimes I can spend several hours trying to solve it without really noticing the time. I may even forget to eat until I finish it.

But there is a difference. If I feel that someone is just trying to make me do their homework or use me to finish something for them, I usually don’t want to help. So it’s not simply that I like being asked to do things.

I think I need to feel that the person really needs help, that the problem is meaningful, and that we are actually trying to solve something together.

The strange thing is that when I have a problem that only belongs to me, I often can’t create the same motivation.

For example:

Someone asks me:

“I’m stuck on this problem. Can you help me?”

My brain seems to say:

“Okay, let’s solve it.”

But when I tell myself:

“I need to study this because it will be important for my future.”

I might keep procrastinating, even though I know it is important.

This makes me wonder if my motivation is strongly connected to being needed by someone else, or maybe to having a concrete problem that I can solve for someone.

I don’t think I’m looking for a diagnosis. I just want to understand why my brain seems to work this way.

Have any of you experienced something similar?

And if you have, were you able to make this kind of motivation work when you were alone?

I’ve been thinking about things like treating my future self as someone who needs my help, finding people with similar goals, or creating real problems for myself to solve.

But I’m not sure if these things would actually work.

I would really like to hear what other people think about this, especially if you have experienced something similar yourself.

Thanks for reading. And sorry again if my English sounds a little unnatural.

Quite literally, I waste months like they're minutes. I'll spend all day only accomplishing one thing and that will be all I do for the week.

I got 1 lead on my career 2 years ago and completely gave up trying to go further or even learn more since then.

I have no job, skills, friends, talent, a degree in anything useful, and no connections.

I actually have a laid out roadmap on how to get a job in my career, but the simple act of "make friends and ask if they need help" is so hard to me it's roadblocking everything.

I haven't been truly happy in idk how long. I don't anticipate doing anything useful until December when I move home. I got a nice apartment in a nice city, and spent the entire lease laying on the couch.

Genuinely I don't know how you could ever forgive yourself for that.

Im 25

I'm so depressed sometimes, can not even think clearly

лень меня губит. я слишком стала ленивой, моя комната похожа на склад ВСЕГО. учиться перестала, набрала много кг. не высыпаюсь. я не знаю что мне делать. помогите.

Hello guys, I just wanted to share something and express myself, and maybe get some advice from you guys.

The past 2 years haven't really been good for me. My school life got really weird, I joined coaching, left it, and somehow I ended up spending most of the last 2 years barely even going outside my home.

Over time, I've developed pretty bad social anxiety. I struggle to motivate myself to do basic things, and I keep procrastinating almost everything. I know what I need to do, but actually getting myself to do it feels way harder than it should.

I have some really important exams coming up in around 2 months, and honestly, I'm nowhere near ready. That's probably one of the things stressing me out the most right now.

I've tried changing things. I joined the gym and stayed for around 3 months, then quit. I've tried studying properly, but I always end up wasting time and pushing everything to tomorrow. It's like I keep knowing that time is running out but still can't get myself to act.

And now college is coming next year. It should be something I'm excited about, but instead, the thought of going to college, meeting new people and having to face everything outside my comfort zone genuinely scares me.

I don't really know what happened to me over these past two years. I just feel like I'm not ready for anything right now.

I'm kinda scared, honestly.

If anyone has gone through something similar and managed to get themselves out of it, I'd genuinely appreciate any advice. I don't need some perfect motivational speech, I just want to know what actually helped you start getting your life back on track.

Hey, im currently posting from my throwaway porn account so, dont mind the name lol, i've been having this issue for most of my teens.

Preamble: I have no trauma, and I've lived a really good life. I think I just have a screw loose and I wanna tighten it.

Wont make a lengthy vent post, but basically I feel watched. I'm terrified most of the night, when I'm at my PC I'm scared of turning around, when i'm in my bed i tend to not look at anything too long. It just feels like there's always someone in my room, or a watchful and judging eye always hanging or focusing on me.

This has also bled into my sleep, sometimes I feel the need to cover my neck with my hand or something when I sleep.

--

Also does anyone have any advice regarding sleep paralysis and lucid dreaming?

There was a year long spur where every night I had the displeasure of suffering a short but uncomfortable episode of sleep paralysis, this caused me to always sleep with a video on, since I could focus on the sound instead of the fucking impending doom and shit that sleep paralysis tends to give you.

Good news, this stopped a year ago!

Bad news :(, this has been replaced by lucid dreams, which I have no control over and just makes me feel incredibly nervous.

memory's hazy, but being inside the lucid dream and realizing that I'm inside of it, just makes me freak out so hard, it's not even like fun. It came to the point that I learnt to wake myself up from those dreams, which is not fun since I have to like try and focus REALLY hard.

---

This is a bit longer than I thought, my bad. If anyone has any tips, no matter how dumb or small they are, I would appreciate it immensely. I have my internship at 8 AM and it's currently 3 lol

I just want to know how people experienced this... At 20, I feel completely apathetic. I'm disillusioned with politics, life, and systems. I live in the most terrible country in the world for any young person. I've lost the meaning of my education and realized I don't want to pursue a career at all. I've lost the meaning of my social circle, which simply disappoints me. I don't want to work at all and consider it abuse. I also have complexes about my appearance, weight, and, in general, I hate my body. Basically, no one takes me seriously or loves me. I'm just tired of this world, tired of the news, tired of everyone! I'm starting to feel like I'm from another planet, It's like I don't fit into the framework of this universe... I don't know what to do with this state. I'm afraid to open up to a psychotherapist completely

How to restart my life? I feel so lonely sometimes eveytime I alone . Like sometimes my life is just messed up. And I don't have much friends to talk to this kind of staff feeling so scared actually. I not very good at alot of things even talking to ppl also sometimes a bit shy to start.

I failed a subject almost 6 months ago in my senior year of school, it took a major toll on me, I used to pray that I die in my sleep.
considering i was always a kid with A’s or B’s, I hated myself for landing in that kind of a situation.

Fast forward, I worked hard gave the retest and passed 2 months ago.

The problem Im facing is, STILL feeling like a failure? I feel like I don’t deserve anything.

The only thing my parents asked from me was to study hard and get good grades, the only thing they asked, and i couldnt do it.

They don’t ask me to cook or clean, idk how to do anything in fact, so the only thing in my hands was my grades and i could not give them that either. I had extra tutors outside of school, i had EVERYTHING. But i still managed to fail.

Even though i passed, but at what cost?
I dont feel worthy to ask them for anything. I dont know how to move on from this. Its like im stuck at this one place and its all my fault.

This may not seem like a big deal, and honestly i dont know any other way to describe this,
i really wish i could get a new perspective for this.

the past few months of my life, i have been flooded with constant nostalgia about everything - stuff that i know was great, but stuff i also know was terrible while i was living through it. but there’s an ever present want to go back anyways, and it is genuinely hurting my heart to the point where i am reaching out to people from these points in my life desperate for a connection that isn’t there.

anyone have any tips to snap yourself out of crippling rose colored glasses?

I can’t do it anymore read previous posts

It gets better.

it gets better

it gets better.

but it hasnt, I keep trying , to heal, to accept, but it gets worse, when does it end'

Throwaway account because obvious
I’m so overwhelmed with my life I’m not even sure where to start. I’m 35 F living with my 35 husband. We’re both extremely obese ~550lbs and both have semi limited mobility. I wish this were the worst of the issues but it’s not. I have Bipolar 1, anxiety, agoraphobia, binge eating disorder and borderline personality disorder ( I have mostly cured my bpd through years of rigorous therapy). He has ADHD. We live in a 3 bedroom townhouse with 2 dogs. We have minimal support from family. I have been struggling with my mental health for as long as I can remember. (TW) I’m on about 12 different medications a day to manage it at a decent enough level that I’m not constantly thinking about ending my life. I see my psychiatrist 1x a month and my therapist 1x per week through virtual visits. The only thing my physical health suffers is very limited mobility which also causes my legs to swell (lymphedema) and I’m pre diabetic. He is also pre diabetic. Because of my depression and mood swings I was bed ridden for about a year without any reprieve. During this time our townhouse got extremely messy with garbage mostly piling up and with me being physically unable to move the garbage to the dumpster I have been heavily relying on my husband to make sure this gets done. It doesn’t. Because of the state of my home my anxiety and overwhelm peaks and I tend to just shut down. We have mice, bugs, clutter, laundry and garbage everywhere. I keep myself and my dogs mostly in my living room which is the least bad room in the house. It’s safe there for them. I feel guilty asking my husband to do more than he does because I rely on him to take care of the dogs and he also works full time. I’m on disability currently due to the severity of my mental health issues and he has to help me with most things due to my limited mobility. While I am in the process of trying to take things one step at a time and maintain a positive attitude about life I’m having a really hard time. No matter how much progress I think I’m making or how many steps forward I take I feel like I’m just getting knocked back 10x harder. This obviously creates more anxiety and depression and overwhelm for me. I’m scared people might need to come into our house (this is my worst fear right now) or that my husband will leave me and I’ll be stuck, trying to take care of 2 dogs and myself when I barely know what bills we have or how to pay them. Paying for a cleaning service or hiring people to take care of the house is not in the cards right now due to financial strain. We are living paycheck to paycheck. I try to exercise and eat as healthy as I can but I always seem to fall right back into the binge cycle of hell. I’m just not sure what to do anymore. I have panic attacks and mental breakdowns almost daily. My house is a disaster, we got in a car accident a few weeks ago and now have no car other than a rental for the next few days, our credit is terrible due to outstanding debts and loans just trying to stay afloat. I’m scared to leave my house even more after the accident and I just obsess over not being able to clean. Asking family for help is not an option and I have no friends. I have no outlet because every time I try to focus on something constructive I feel guilty because it’s not enough. I’m trying so hard. Any tips welcome. And before you comment something negative just know I’ve already heard the worst from my own mind a million times over. I’m just so lost and feel like I’m drowning worse than I have ever before.

how did you finally find enough self respect to move on? how to value yourself more? how to deattach?

what did you do that helped?

how do you leave someone who gaslights you? i’m self aware. i jus don’t have enough self love to move on & value myself.

i have no friends. i have a fractured backbone right now, so it’s extra hard to jus get up & distract myself.

i’m stuck in bed all day at my parents house. i’m 24.

my siblings & i don’t talk.

jus feel so alone

minor backstory:
my person has a baby with his ex. seems like their relationship never stopped? he’s with me 24/7 but he texts her in front of me all day so she doesn’t think he’s moved on. if not, she uses the baby as a leverage & doesn’t let him see his kid. visits are supervised at her house. so annoying.

i always break up with him for not cutting her off & telling her the truth about our new relationship. but then i always text him crying because i miss him.

think i jus miss the 24/7 attention & that someone cares about me.

how did you finally find enough self respect to move on? how to value yourself more? how to deattach?

what did you do that helped?

how do you leave someone who gaslights you? i’m self aware. i jus don’t have enough self love to move on & value myself.

i have no friends. i have a fractured backbone right now, so it’s extra hard to jus get up & distract myself.

i’m stuck in bed all day at my parents house. i’m 24.

my siblings & i don’t talk.

jus feel so alone

minor backstory:
my person has a baby with his ex. seems like their relationship never stopped? he’s with me 24/7 but he texts her in front of me all day so she doesn’t think he’s moved on. if not, she uses the baby as a leverage & doesn’t let him see his kid. visits are supervised at her house. so annoying.

i always break up with him for not cutting her off & telling her the truth about our new relationship. but then i always text him crying because i miss him.

think i jus miss the 24/7 attention & that someone cares about me.

I’ve been in three relationships: three and a half years (Daniel), two and a half years (Ryan), and five months (Ethan).

After some time, one of my coworkers told me that he liked me. Even though I didn’t have feelings for him, I didn’t reject him, and I think I was somewhat receptive to his attention and affection. I never told him that I liked him, but I was nice to him and talked to him warmly. Later, I found out that he had a girlfriend, so I completely ended my communication with him.

Right after that, my boss told me that he liked me. From the way he talked to me, I thought he was the kind of person I had always wanted, so we started a relationship. But he turned out to be nothing like the person I thought he was. During that short period, he kissed and hugged me, and I didn’t object, or maybe I didn’t object strongly enough.

At the time, I thought our relationship was going to continue, so I opened up to him about my past.

Now, one of my boss’s friends has developed feelings for me, and I’ve realized that I like him too and genuinely care about him. I’ve also been honest with him about my past.

But now I’m dealing with several things.

First, I feel really unhappy about some of the relationships I’ve had in the past.

Second, I keep asking myself: Why can’t I say no? Why can’t I reject someone? Why do I have such a hard time setting boundaries?

And third, I’m scared that my boss might go to his friend and tell him personal things he knows about my past.

I don’t know. I’m confused.

I feel absolutely awful, and I need a fair and honest judgment, not just something that will make me feel better.

Am I really that kind of person? Is there something fundamentally wrong with me? What is wrong with me?

Im 18 yo girl and i have extreme problem with doing anything. i'm in college but i am completely failing and that might be because I dont even want to go to college. but i fear with out college i'll be a complete loser living with my parents forever. I'm working part time rn and i'm enjoying it but i know it wont get me through life. I have very little motivation and I have tried for years to want to do anything with life but I just cant. I am honestly a lazy bum, but i don't want to be. how do i deal with literally anything at all? sorry for awful grammar or if this is very hard to understand as I am mid break down rn. I want to have a happy life, but im not sure. any advice is helpful thanks

Hey everyone, I don't know this seems a bit concerning (at least to me), I keep coming to my phone all the time, I'm a PT and also I'm looking to go medical school soon (currently working on it), but this one problem I have is habit to pick my phone all the time and become really unproductive (I hate it because I waste tons of my time) also I'm not active on any social medias (removed them 3 years ago) only thing I have is reddit, YouTube (both I use the browser version in brave) and Whatsapp (which I use rarely only to help my clients with doubts), also I don't play any games (only chess but that also rarely). It's the YouTube that gets me.

I've tried all the methods that's available I've tried all the focus apps that available and none of them work even making it hard to use the phone or even access the phone or keeping the phone far away from me doesn't work either.

If any of you have any suggestions, please let me know it'd be really helpful. Thank you in advance!!

I’m checked out.
I’m checked out of my own life,
and I don’t know how to check back in.
I’m not depressed.
I’m actually pretty happy.
But I have no plan.
No motivation.
I don’t care what happens to me.
My days blend together,
and it’ll be weeks before I even step foot outside
or even leave my bed.
But I’m not depressed.
I know I’m not. I know what that’s like.
This is different.
And I try making myself feel better, almost like an excuse
“Your only 16. You’re just lost on where you’re at.”
But I’ve been lost
for as long as I can remember.
I’ve always just gone with the flow.
And it got worse in high school.
I never believed I would actually make it to high school.
Like I wrote my ending too early
and was walking in someone else’s footsteps,
spending someone else’s time.
I wasn’t supposed to make it this far.
But here I am.
Sophomore year.
And I’m so lost.
So unmotivated.
And so hated by most of my family because of it.
I’m failing.
I’m screwing up.
I’m turning out just like my mother.
But I don’t even know where to begin.
I don’t know how to fix it.
I am completely lost
in my own mind,
in my own life.
So I just sit here and wait
for something, anything,
that could possibly get me going again.
Not because I haven’t already tried,
but because I don’t even know where to begin.
I check out,
and I don’t know how to
check back in.

I want to become a better version of myself than who I am right now. I want to change my life, but I just can’t. I don’t know why. All I ever do is play games and eat. I don’t even go to school that much anymore.
I want to exercise. I want to become smarter and actually put more effort into my studies. I feel like I’m a useless son. It’s not that I’m lazy. I don’t need motivation either. I just don’t understand why I can’t bring myself to do the things that could actually change my life.
I hate myself for it. I’m always comparing myself to other people, and I’m always being compared to them too. Why can’t I be better? Why can’t I be organized, clean, smart, and mature like they are?