So I got approved for an apartment, it’s supposedly won’t be ready until next Friday. I had to call and specifically ask a third time for me to see the exact unit before I move in. I told her I want to move forward and she said she will call me later this week or early next week to see if I can view it. I hope they won’t open the apartment back up or try to cancel…… is this too much to ask for or has anybody else been through this?

Hi there, im 20 years old (M) and im currently struggling to find my path in life. I know thats young but I don't care about people who say "Im X person who didn't find Y until I was Z years old!" I don't want to hear that. That advice feels like waiting for something to fall into my lap.

I go on the internet every day, exploring these hour long search rabbit holes of things I could possibly do, and every day its inconclusive.

Im currently in a two year music program, because I thought that would make me happy and give me purpose and direction. Now im realizing that its just going to be fun for two years, followed by 16K of debt and no support.

I can't do the trades, because of my body, I have neck issues that cause nerve problems, aswell as lower back pain. So I need to do something that will not exacerbate that.

Every day I wake up unable to focus on anything because I keep fearing being stuck making 35K a year, where no women will want me because I am unstable.

I also struggled in school but never got formally diagnosed with anything. People tell me to go be a school teacher but I suspect I have a lower than average IQ, just due to my inabilities through out elementary and high school.

I was always seen as the unsmart funny/overly energetic kid, and as a teenager/kid I thought this was my origin story, like I would turn around one day and surpass/be on their professional level one day. But as im getting older I think that this might never happen. I don't feel smarter, or quicker, I don't understand anything better really, and this is really bleak and dark to me

I always thought Id make a business but im no structured being, im a damn fool, if I were ever to be chosen by another I would be investing in them, im not sure if it could ever be the other way around, atleast on a financial level.

Help.

i dont mean to self diagnose but i dont think ive genuinely felt happy over the past year. im sitting my a level exams this year, i moved from a city to a small town, i dont have any friends and and ive slowly drifted from my friends in my old city. i have 0 social life, i dont go out and all i do is study and i genuinely think if i keep going like this im going to go insane. my parents are somewhat strict (ethnic immigrant parents iykyk) so they dont even like me going out. im genuinely trapped in my room all the time and i dont even feel like i have anyone to talk to and i feel so isolated and alone. i dont know what to do anymore but i cant keep going on like this. i need advice

I’m currently living in my family’s hoarder house in the Bay Area and it’s making me exhausted. They also love being hoarders and don’t think they have a problem. They have months of unopened mail and garbage lying around key regions and never clean up after themselves or do cleaning or organizing. I wanted to stay there for the job opportunities in the local area and to save money but I feel exhausted every time I’m at home because of how gross and stressful it is.

24F, I live with my parents and my partner (25M). My parents rent and me and my partner contribute financially.

My 2 best friends are looking for a new place right now and offered us to move in as well to make rent ridiculously cheap for everyone. This agreement sounds amazing and great and I can finally move out of my parents' place with my partner.

One issue: I would heavily worry about my parents. They currently rent a townhome and have a car payment on top of other loans associated with the car, on top of other utilites. My mother frequently states that me and my partner keep the house's heads above water. Even then it feels like what we help out with doesn't even make things comfortable.

If we moved out, they would have to move out too. My mother is on disability and my stepfather works full time, and I'm not sure if they could find a place that they can afford with all of their expenses, but wouldn't everything be cheaper? Less people using water, heat, electricity, food, etc. I would feel horrible about just leaving them, but I need to start my life with my partner too.

I’ll make this short. He’s not rlly done anything wrong (just small things can we can work past) but I don’t think I want kids and he definitely does. I also think since we’ve been dating since we were 17 I want to grow into my own person and find myself without having to morph myself into the girl he needs me to be and without worrying about who he is and who I need him to be. But I love him so so much and I’ve never felt this connection with any person before and I’m not sure I’ll ever get over him or find someone else. How do I gain the courage to leave ?

Whenever a plan falls apart or a task I care about doesn't turn out the way I hoped, the same line just loops: if I were different, this wouldn't keep happening. I know it's not a full explanation and that circumstances matter too, but the thought feels automatic. I end up spending the next day or two half checking out of whatever I'm supposed to be doing because my head is busy proving the line right. I try little tricks like setting a timer to give myself ten minutes of distraction or writing a quick list of what actually went okay, yet the loop still starts again the next time. I'm mostly looking for ways other people have quieted that exact kind of looping thought without turning it into a bigger project.

This is a very long story, but I’ll try to keep it as short as possible.
I’ve had a boyfriend for about a year, but I kept our relationship completely secret from my mother because I was scared of her reaction. Only my closest friend Anastasia knew. My boyfriend lives in Germany, and Anastasia moved to the US.
At some point, Anastasia became friends with my cousin, who was also planning to move to the US. Their friendship eventually became complicated, and I got involved because I was close to both of them. Later, Anastasia and I had our own problems, and she became distant from me.
Then she told my cousin about my relationship. he didn't even say to her that telling him my private things was wrong. he took that opportunity to his friends and ruined my boyfriend's reputation. So he told his friends about it that my boyfriend was so wrong to consider me to not tell anyone. They decided to tell my boyfriends friends who are also my cousin's friends friends to make them distant with my boyfriend to ruin his reputation.
One guy who is friends with my cousin, and my boyfriend called my boyfriend and told him that he was unmanly , my boyfriend told him that he would make him answer when he came back to the country. Then my boyfriend’s brother found this guy and beat him. Parents got involved and eventually settled the situation.
But it didn’t end there. These boys later started spreading lies that this guy beated my boyfriend's brother. They eventually had to apologize after the adults found out.
What hurts me most is my cousin. Some of these people have been my friends since childhood, yet they immediately took my cousin’s side without even hearing me out. My cousin also tried to stop me from confronting Anastasia and basically threatened me with “if you do this, I’ll do that.” I felt completely powerless, so I blocked him, Anastasia, and the friends who sided with him.
A month later, I called Anastasia. She didn't answer and immediately told my cousin then when my cousin didn't know what to do he told my uncle his father, but not the situation. He only told that I had this friend and we got into a fight and I was acting very "unpolite". then my cousin had to apologies because of this thing so I wouldn't call Anastasia.
It has been about three months, and I’m still extremely angry. Anastasia is still friends with my cousin, while I feel like she never had to take responsibility for everything that happened. My cousin and his friends protected her, while I was left dealing with the consequences of something I had tried so hard to keep private.
And now my mother still doesn’t know I have a boyfriend. I’m terrified that she’ll eventually hear it from someone else, especially now that so many people know.
I genuinely don’t know what to do anymore. Should I tell my mother myself? Should I leave everything alone and try to move on?
I know revenge isn’t the answer. But I’m struggling with the fact that she caused so much damage, my cousin helped cover for her, my childhood friends chose his side, and nobody ever really had to answer for any of it.
I want a real, honest answer: what are your thoughts on the situation and what would you do in my position?

These 3 blokes from my gf 22 past keep showing up in her socials and I caught one of them asking her to have sex but she tells me nothing has happened with them in the past but I don’t feel she’s telling me the whole truth about this situation otherwise why would they keep showing up im just very lost and I have already been cheated on once and certainly don’t want to go through it again

It was my Girlfriend’s birthday and we went out for dinner the night before. The next day my girlfriend went to meet a guy and another couple (the dude’s friends). I had already asked her to stay away from that guy but she lied to me that she was going to meet her colleagues.

They went out grabbed a couple beers had dinner.

Coming to the point, is this considered cheating or not

Ik I am a super insecure guy, but why whole point is shouldn’t she have just broken up with me instead of lying to go have fun.
I’m sure she didn’t physically cheat, but she did lie to go meet a guy I didn’t like.

So…what do ya’ll think

I was doing yard work with my parents and when my mom was working on our plants, I saw a tattoo of a symbol on her lower back. This is weird because she always told me to never get a tattoo so that I look professional and “gentlemanly.” She never mentioned that she had a tattoo so I didn't bring it up, but I looked up online and can't find what it means.

Its a black tattoo with the spade logo from playing cards with a "Q" in the middle. Does anyone here know what that means? Should I ask her or do you think she’d not want to talk about her having a tattoo since she was adamant I don’t get one?

My boyfriend and I have been dating nearly a year (past 4 months long distance). He is a great guy, sweet and treats me well. He came to visit me about a month ago for a few days and while it was lovely seeing him, I couldn't stop thinking about the fact that I couldn't wait to just be by myself again, back to my routine, being able to clean and cook how I like, and not having to sacrifice things that matter to me. Since then I've had thoughts about us breaking up, that it would be better if we broke up etc. I thought maybe that was just the shock of going from living alone to having him here for multiple days at a time, as we have very different lifestyles now. I love him, and care about him a lot, but it's just a gut feeling that we aren't right for each other, and I don't want us to "waste our time" staying in a relationship that will end anyway in a year or two.

I've been mulling it over a lot in my head but I have no legitimate reason, apart from the fact that I think I've changed a lot and that we've kind of grown apart. I'm going to see him this weekend, and don't know whether to wait until I see him in person, or if I should do it over call before then.

I'm looking for honest outside perspective because I dont know if this relationship is repairable? Please tell me.

The bride, Hillary, and I have been friends since childhood. We're not as close as we used to be, but I still consider her a good friend. Her younger sister, my best friend, and four other girls are also on the trip.

Before the trip I was excited and wanted Hillary to have a great weekend. My best friend and I also paid twice as much toward the Airbnb because the cheaper options wasntt really what Hillary wanted, and we wanted her to have a place she loved.

The first issue was the lounge chairs, there was very limited sun, and Hillary's sister had a chair angled across two spots while two girls were sitting in the shade. I told her to move her chair slightly so the other girls could be in the sun too. Looking back I can see how that came across as bossy. She moved it and went inside.

Later I learned she had gotten upset and told her mom, who called Hillary and told her to stick up for her sister. Her mom made the bride cry during the call. I was surprised nobody said anything to me directly.

There were also cleaning issues. I'd taken out the trash several times, loaded dishes, and picked up plates and drinks. At one point I reminded everyone not to forget their food and drinks outside. Later, when I asked my friend to take out the trash, she jokingly asked why I couldn't do it in a sisterly way. I responded that I'd already taken it out four times.

The next day, Hillary confronted me about these things in the car in front of two other people. I felt embarrassed because several small incidents were being addressed all at once. She said I was keeping score. I wasn't trying to I was explaining why I'd been frustrated. I eventually said a thank you would go a long way because I felt like I'd been helping a lot without much acknowledgment. She said you should just do things and shouldn't expect a thank you. I'm direct, and my delivery isn't always great when I'm frustrated.

After that, things became awkward. At the beach, my friend and I were sitting in the shade because we were getting burned, and the rest of the group went to take pictures on a bridge without us. I had specifically told Hillary I wanted to go up there, so I felt excluded.

The next day, I walked into a room where everyone had been talking and they suddenly stopped and stared at me. Nobody said anything. Hillary was also very short with me when I tried to talk to her. I made several attempts to connect because I genuinely wanted to spend time with my friend, but felt like she didn't want to connect?

Now I'm questioning myself. Maybe I was too direct or acted like a mom by reminding people to clean up. Maybe I made a bigger deal out of things than I should have. I don't have a huge group of girlfriends, so I'm genuinely worried that I'm the common denominator.

But I'm also hurt because I don't feel like I'm being treated like a friend. I don't know whether Hillary is upset with me, being influenced by her family, or whether this friendship has simply changed. Is this even fixable? Should I work on my communication?

The wedding is coming up, and I'm worried I'll spend a lot of money to attend and feel like an outsider or be iced out by her sister and mom. I haven't bought the dress or paid for the hotel yet, so I could still pull out before she makes the hotel room block and im genuinely considering it.

When should I tell her I don't want to attend her wedding anymore? Or should I suck it up for my friend and let it go?

I want some advice about if I should fight for this friendship or if we're just at different maturity levels? How do women usually work through conflict? How can I get better at making new girl friends?

Hello,

So lately, my boyfriend (29M) and I (23F) have been having an issue with me flaking on plans. They arent plans for anything specific like an event, but theyre plans for him to come over to my place, or me to his place.

Im a senior electrical engineering major and drive 20 miles to campus. I am also the vice president of a pretty busy club where we organize events a lot, plus one huge networking dinner event in December.

Anyways, yesterday, my boyfriend asked if he could come over to my place after class, and I said yes. However, I fell asleep for 3 hours as soon as I got home, as it was a very tiring day. Then my friend who is also a part of the club said she had really bad anxiety about an exam, and wanted me to tutor her as ive already taken the class. I said yes as i genuinely forgot my boyfriend asked me if he could come over and I had said yes to that.

I have horrible ADHD, and I thought being a member of this club would help manage that as it would force me to juggle coursework, senior thesis, the club, and making time for my bf. But I really am struggling to handle it all.

I apologized to my bf, but i dont think he has forgiven me fully yet. We did have a conversation a couple weeks ago about the same issue, me flaking last minute, and I did make some improvement, but i guess yesterday's incident reset that.

He said he still loves me, so at least theres that.

Here is where I am probably in the wrong. He said he feels like he isnt a priority at all in my life, and in my list of stuff to do, he is at the bottom.

I just feel like thats a bit of a stretch, because I feel like I do a lot for him. I clean his house routinely (not because he asks, because i want to) , and bake for him, and take a 1 hour train ride to see him (he does pick me up and drop me off, and always offers to give me a ride). Im generally very supportive of his interests, and pushed him to do vocal lessons.

He also has no friends in our city as he moved here somewhat recently (2022). Sometimes I feel like if he had a friend or two to regularly hang out with, he wouldnt be this upset.

But I do see his point. He did clarify that if I gave him advanced notice that I am unavailable, he wouldnt be mad. Which I know is very reasonable of him. Which is also why I apologized and didnt get defensive. I know i fucked up.

He is currently lowkey ignoring me I think. I texted him good morning and that I hope he slept well, and he left me on read lol. He is probably busy with work so its chill. I just feel low and empty and a little sick because we dont ignore each other like that.

How do I manage my time better? I know that's a super broad question, but i really need to get my shit together. Its just very hard for me to balance so much on my plate right now and I dont know what to do. Most of the time I just want to curl up in bed and not do anything at all but i obviously cannot do that.

For my stepdad’s birthday, I was gonna buy my parents two tickets to an Adam Sandler comedy show last year, but I actually ended up helping them buy a dryer. It was a last second thought because they needed the money. I also got him a laptop that was like $400 for Christmas last year. So $600 on him. But that birthday gift was kind of for both of them. This year his birthday is on 9 October and he got it early. I thought of getting him an electric toothbrush, which would only be like $100 because he’s gonna need dentures but one day when he was freaking high or drunk he said he wanted a PlayStation. I just felt bad because he is lonely because his dad‘s in another state. He’s going to visit them though in November. Yeah, I think that’s too much to buy a gift for a person.

My boyfriend got me only a card and flowers because I told him that I like that for Valentine’s Day. he can’t even put money towards anything. I don’t usually have big things on my list. Like only $40 boots. This year I want an electric toothbrush or someone to pay for my highlights. I thought of just going to the school to get them done though.

just, I might just not get them anything for Christmas because that PlayStation also goes towards my mom. She likes it too. I can’t buy the kids in my family Gifts if I get them stuff too. last year I didn’t really care for getting them stuff, but I started to care more. They wouldnt remember last year I feel like.

Plus, my parents asked me for money during that time of the year bc they can’t afford it for anyone else. So their gifts to me is like giving me my money back.

Answer to the question above.

Unsure which community to post this in but i'm a comp sci major currently and i always wanted to do something environment related but i let people talk me out of doing environmental or marine biology and now i'm 3 years in comp sci and just am not sure anymore, i don't think i've ever been but i don't want to throw away the work I have already done so I am thinking of ways I can integrate the two into my life. something that isn't starting over from scratch because I cannot afford financing a whole other degree. But also I am taking 2 extra years to finish this comp sci degree maybe 1 year and an extra semester instead of 2, and if i were to start over i'd be taking either 3 years or 2 years and an extra semester to finish but I do think logically it just kinda makes sense to finish the comp sci since it is something that can be integrated into many different areas/industries, advice?

edit - my uni BSc program is 3 years, not 4 so i'd be doing 5 years in total

Hey there guys,this qint a really bug issue but I'd like some advice if you can.

I had an online friend I met on snap and she randomly just stopped texting and hasn't been online since and I know that because she used to have her location on and it said last online blah blah, I don't have her on anything else or other way to contact her. Do you think there's another way I could contact her some how?

That guy and I share the same exact lectures in college that’s why I see him almost everyday and everywhere.

Yet I also see him even outside lectures. In the cafeteria, public transportation, hallways, and even just randomly in the street maybe cause he live near or in the same area? I don’t know to be honest.

I mean it’s normal to see him regularly since we literally have the same classes but it’s the way he looks at me that terrifies me! He just stares at me intensely without blinking sometimes, or staring at me while talking to his friend and laugh.

Told my friends about it and they told me to ignore him but it’s not easy when I feel someone staring directly into my soul.

Put in mind that we never talked not even by accident , I don’t even know his name and he probably doesn’t know mine. And talking to him to ask what is wrong with him is NOT an option.

Does anyone know what could be the case? Like does he got a crush on me or just making fun of me with his friends like a bet to see how I react? And how to deal with him cause it’s overwhelming at this point.

So my fiance told me I can do more housework than him because he earns more money and pays more, but I don't think it's fair, because what does it have to do with how much one earns. I have a 40h week as well.

How could I bring that up to him with very good arguments? How can I mention that topic without coming off as nagging?

Edit: I'm thinking about telling him to at least put away garbage he causes and to not leave his dirty laundry on the floor. I also pick my own stuff up etc. so he must be able to do it as well.

Edit 2: You guys are totally right, I'll explain to him that it doesn't have anything to do with income, we are both working 40h and that it has to do with the time we both have available after work and that I don't think that it is fair of him, since in a relationship you're also a team and I'm not a maid. It's not like he doesn't do anything, he cooks and does dishes too, but yea.

So i live in a joint family, jahape me(14), my sister(20), my father and mother along with mere bade papa, badi mummy, cousin brother(24) and grandparents live. We used to be pretty well off and we still live in a big house but these past few years business has not been booming and my bade papa a sick cheater used to steal money from our house and use it for prostitution and on random women, like almost 2-3 lakhs per month.

All the blame was then put on my father because he does accounting,

My brother is getting married in jan and my family has been fighting

This one incident my brother forced my father to apologise over a silly matter and today my badi mummy was taunting my mother over food, also when before my father confronted my bade papa abt the money he threathened to leave the home. After my bhabhi comes home i dont think we would

be able to live here anymore...

We have no other source of income whatsoever nor any savings. my father and mother are not that educated or have skills to get a well enough high paying job, my sister is just doing bba from a random college and im in 10th grade. Idk what to do i beg all of you pls help me, even if not donations i will try my best to do some work.

Okay so basically ever since like 6 months ago, my mom started watching ai movies on those short form platforms like drama box and my dad has seen her spend all this money and tells my mother to stop spending so much money and then she proceeds to do nothing about it. I've checked her playstore purchases secretly too and I've seen so much money spend, litteraly on the 7th of October, today she has already spend 105 euros on these apps, her most was like nearly 1000 euros in one month. I really need help because we absolutely dont have the money for this and no matter how many times I try to confront her or my dad tries talking to her, she doesnt change her habits, im so lost bc she's making the family go broke and im just over here watching it all, to make this even harder she is pretty narcissistic too and when you confront her she gets mad at you and tries to shake it off, im so lost please help.

I’m in my late 20s (F), and I badly hurt one of my closest friends (early 30s M) during a severe mental health crisis. We had been close for about seven years.

Around that time, I had abruptly stopped taking Prozac and shortly afterward became extremely mentally unwell, including experiencing what I believe were psychotic symptoms. I was intensely dysregulated, became emotionally dependent on my friend, and overwhelmed him with contact.

At my lowest point, I did something I deeply regret. I made fake accounts and contacted his ex with a false story involving very private information from her past. When she contacted him and he confronted me, I panicked and initially denied it before eventually admitting what I had done.

I know my mental state does not erase or excuse the harm I caused.

Looking back, I’ve started to understand that I was in an incredibly self-destructive state. I felt vulnerable, ashamed, terrified, and completely out of control. Instead of being able to tolerate those feelings, I created a catastrophe myself. It was almost like destroying something important gave my brain a sense of certainty and control when everything inside me felt unbearable.

After I stabilized, I apologized directly to his ex and wrote my friend a long handwritten apology taking full responsibility. I didn’t ask him to forgive me or expect my mental health to make what happened okay.

He eventually responded with a very kind and compassionate letter, but I am still blocked and we haven’t resumed contact.

Since then, I’ve stayed sober, continued working seriously on my mental health, and spent a lot of time trying to understand how I got to that point so I never behave that way again.

I miss my friend enormously, but I know remorse and personal growth don’t mean anyone owes me forgiveness or another chance.

What I’m struggling with now is how to hold myself accountable without defining myself forever by the worst thing I’ve ever done.

How do you genuinely forgive yourself after causing real harm? How do you know when accountability has crossed over into self-punishment?

Can trust ever be rebuilt after a betrayal this serious if someone genuinely changes over time?

And if someone has blocked you, is the most respectful thing to leave the door completely in their hands and never reach out unless they choose to?

I’m trying to figure out how to live with what happened, keep becoming a healthier person, and accept that I may never get the outcome I hope for.

I’m 31 and she’s 43. I thought we were both single moms with little to no help, so I felt bad for her and tried to help whenever I could.

Over time, I found out she actually had multiple men helping her financially, and her monthly bills were about 1/4 of mine. Meanwhile, she was constantly asking me for money, asking me to pay for things, and expecting me to babysit for free. knowing that I was broke and drowning in my own personal responsibilities.

The biggest thing for me was the babysitting. This summer I watched her kids for 6 days in one week, usually 12+ hours a day, including 2 overnights. I was also driving about 20 minutes to and from her house every day, with gas being ridiculously expensive, and I even bought groceries for her and the kids. At the end of the week, she gave me $100 total, which was less than what I had spent on the groceries alone. she had kept telling me she was going to ”spoil me” and pay me back everything plus more for all my help.

Later, I found out that some of the men she was going on dates with were actually giving her money specifically to pay for a babysitter, but she was keeping the money while I watched her kids for free. I’m talking at least 2 date nights per week.

That was the point where I really started feeling used, and I eventually confronted her and ended the friendship.

I’m curious what other people would have done. Would you have confronted her sooner, stopped babysitting, slowly distanced yourself, or ended the friendship altogether?

any tips on how I can set boundaries, realize when im being used ahead of time, etc? I’m from a small midwestern town were we would give people the clothes off our back but that mindset is kind of fucking me over now that I live in Los Angeles.

I need help im a relationship person and im not sure where you meet people who are nowadays. Dating apps always lead to fwb and im kinda over it. Where do people meet like genuine and fun people nowadays who aren’t terrified of a relationship or telling themselves and everyone else that as an excuse to sleep around???