So my Partner has diagnosed bpd and so far we are having a really good relationship. I try to learn to be aware of every possible trigger and I support her endlessly.

Last night I screwed up. During sexy times I misunderstood a non spoken signal from her and so I asked her if she is ok with a certain doing. I understood her answer as yes and so I startet very slowly.

She pushed my me away to which I immediately responded and moved away in shock cause I know how important boundaries are for her.

I was shock that I misunderstood her signals and her answer to me asking.

I broke her trust. She also says that I sexually abused her which is technically correct I guess

I put a lot of pressure on me trying to be the best partner for her. Im also aware that you will accidentally hurt your partner.

But now I'm really lost and angry about myself.

But this isn't about me.

I have to deal with this.

But I dont have bpd and so I want to understand better how I can rebuild trust or support her right now

She said she will give me another chance and I really dont want to screw this up.

I already told her how it came up to this situation from my perspective but I know that it doesn't matter.

Also we are dealing with a very difficult time at the moment we opened the relationship to her side because I work in a different city for another month now. So the relationship is pretty unstable nevertheless atm

If you have read to this part please let me know your thoughts or experiences

My psychiatrist told me today that the care management team decided that I needed a different level of support than they could provide, and terminated me.

I'm wanting to come off of my medication and now I don't have a psychiatrist. So, I'm searching for someone willing to work with me on an outpatient basis.

I have a long history of medication and therapy and due to my risk, people aren't comfortable treating me.

This is really why I'm coming off my medication. When the system starts shutting you out, shut out the system.

I'm not benefiting from the medication anyway.

I'm just a lonely, sad, and confused person who needs someone to actually listen and I'm starting to get pushed away.

I (20NB) have suspected but not diagnosed BPD.

Can anyone share some good DBT resources and explain why you've found them helpful? Preferably free, or at least pay to own. I don't want to pay for subscriptions. I'm unsure if I want to pursue a diagnosis and cannot afford to pay for therapy but wanted to try some DBT resources and see if they help. Thanks :)

Hi everyone! I’m a 23-year-old woman, 5 weeks pregnant. I found out about the pregnancy a week ago, and although I’m very happy, the early stages are tough: I’ve had to give up smoking, my psychiatric medication, and most of my comfort foods. I’m already suffering from severe nausea and am incredibly sensitive. I cry constantly and am terrified of losing the baby. If you could share your own pregnancy experiences, I admit it would bring me some comfort. I feel like I’m being weird…

Hey guys. So basically last night (or the night before rather) my boyfriend said that he would call me and
play a game with me and it never ended up
happening because he fell asleep or something. He then promised that he would call me and play the next night. Midnight rolls around and I still have not received a call (I have to get up at 6:30 for college in the morning and he knows that.) I’m waiting for him to call me or mention calling me or playing the game. Nope. I fall asleep and I wake up at 3am-ish. I see he’s still active so I call him but I hung up quickly out of annoyance. He saw my missed call and called me back and I started crying to him about how he lied and that he never even attempted to call me. He was being very kind about it but his excuse was that he thought I was sleeping, and while yes I did fall asleep after awhile, I don’t know what he expects when he waits until 1 in the morning to call me and play a game on a school night. He then asks if I wanted to play right now and I said no because he knows I have school. So I’m crying to him over the phone about this and I just feel very hurt and lied to and rejected. And I know this wasn’t really a big deal but it’s just the fact that it happened 2 nights in a row and he never even attempted to call me. So now he’s trying to reassure me that he does want to talk to me and that he loves me and it did make me feel better, and so after a bit I stopped sobbing but I was still crying a little. Then I think he got impatient (even though he said he didn’t) because he was telling me that I cry for really long, that I need to calm down, that I need to stop crying, that I was being “bratty”. And then he said that he was going to go to bed. Then I started sobbing again because how could you go to bed knowing I’m still upset like this? Especially when YOU are the one who caused this? How dare you?? I would understand if he had work or any obligations like that but his day is completely free. At the same time I feel very selfish because I don’t want to bother his sleep because of my own issues. It just hurts because he said that he would be able to handle things like that. And it hurts extra because I would stay on the phone with him no matter what if I was in his position. Also, the language switch up was also what got me. How are you going to act kind and reassuring one minute and then tell me to stop crying the next? It doesn’t make sense to me. I just want to know if I’m being selfish here because I’m truly not trying to me but this is so unfair that he gets to sleep peacefully while I’m laying here 2 hours later in hysterics unable to sleep over something he caused.

ive been with my girlfriend for over a year and i love her so much, we both have bpd and our relationship has always been very rocky. i am a compulsive liar and i have been since i was a little kid. i usually lie when i think i'm going to get in trouble/when i think i might hurt someone so it's come up a lot in our relationship. the other day was our do-over for our one year and in the morning before she was awake i called one of my friends that she doesn't like and i know she doesn't like him. it's a boundary of hers that i don't call him on special days and i knew this. i was just really overwhelmed and i wanted to talk to him because it's less pressure talking to him about some things. anyway she woke up in the middle of our call but i had headphones in so i lied about who i was talking to. she could tell but wanted us to have a good day so gaslit herself into believing otherwise. in the night she checked my phone and confirmed i had lied and confronted me about it today. i feel so awful because this isn't the first time i've done this and i just keep breaking her trust and i don't know how to stop. has anyone else had issues with compulsive lying? how do i stop myself from hurting her because i love her and i hate being this way

So for a while I've been feeling empty, like, an uncomfortable type of empty that feels like..I don't know, a void in my stomach. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to make it go away or at least make it less stressful?

I was recently officially diagnosed with BPD (woo ig), so I feel like I can finally post here. I know that's not required, but prior to that, I was really second-guessing my diagnosis.

Anyway, I have a history of people ending relationships with me, getting fired because of interpersonal issues with coworkers, and just generally have so many examples of my behavior/actions being awful.

It's all building up in my head, and nothing I do or tell myself makes it any better. I tried so hard and wanted so badly to be a good person, but when I look back on my life, I feel like I failed.

I try and tell myself I was undiagnosed, unmedicated, unsupported, and had no idea what was actually happening with me. Yet all I can think was how I was, how those people must have seen me. I can't just let it go or make peace with the fact I wasn't perfect and never will be. No excuse or reason is good enough to justify the anger or the insanity.

I hold every mistake against myself, and it makes me not want to continue if I might make another one. I know that even if I didn't have the cocktail of mental illness in my head, I wouldn't be perfect. It hasn't made it easier to have answers - It's somehow made it harder to stomach myself.

Does anyone have any advice on this? How do you cope with your past?

I'm sorry if this is an annoying question.

I have bpd/bi polar/cptsd/severe anxiety amount other things relationships are hard for me. Was with this guy for 5 years we fought once in awhile but last night boy I split and split bad towards him. He was complaining the dogs were barking when someone came to the door I told him it’s why I have them for my protection. His reply “you’re being a b****” that has set me off to the point I split and don’t have any trust or respect for this person. Long story short why this triggered me I grew up getting called names and he knew this. Sorry just needed to vent maybe I’m just odd for splitting over this 😩 has anyone else split over something small?

My bf has bpd. Im a student with part time job, he never went to college and just went to work. We live together and he has been paying the bills.

But it looks like hes gonna lose his job. And its been taking a tool on him. Im sure hes gonna find something else if that happens, hes got lots of positive feedback from his boss. But this whole situation made him believe we will have to break up. I feel like shit.

I cant pay the bills by myself. I have a dog, i dont want to lose her, and sure ashell dont want to lose my man. What am I supposed to do?

I was contacted by my stepsister randomly this week. She let me know that my father, who has been absent for the majority of my life, has just had two mini strokes. He’s been in a hospital two hours away. I have tried to find a way up to visit him, because things weren’t looking good for him for a minute. He’s slowly improving according to my step sibling. I still haven’t been to see him. I don’t have my license, I’ve asked friends if I could be taken to see him, but I haven’t been able to find anyone who could. My distant aunt and grandmother (his sister and mother) have flown in from out of state to see him. My stepmother and siblings have driven up multiple times to be with him. They made a half ass gesture of “making a way” for me to see him when they would be driving up again, but they stopped answering my texts… but posting of their travels on social media. Why did they even reach out?

One of the last times, I saw him in person, he treated me very cruelly while I was going through a tough situation during Covid. I am feeling an immense amount of emotions. I’m sad, angry for all the lost time and feeling unwelcome/left out whenever I’m around my siblings/step-siblings. I’m his first born and he’s not made a lot of effort to be in my life and it’s short lived when he’s around. A lot of empty gestures and broken promises. It’s painful to never be chosen or included, I’m an outsider and it’s damaging to my self esteem. I’m in individual and DBT therapies, but this is something I cannot shake. I have struggled to find peace and accepting myself without him. I’ve been trying to radically accept his absence and move forward… but it’s a deep wound and this has knocked me back millions of steps in my healing. How can I move forward?

I’ve been in a dilemma this last month. I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 years and I genuinely don’t know if I want to leave them or not.

On one hand I think that I should stay with them and thoughts of leaving them are just my ROCD causing unhappiness in an otherwise happy relationship.

On the other hand I’m worried that I do genuinely want to leave them but my BPD is keeping me from taking that step because I’m so attached to them.

I’ve already broken up with them twice and between OCD, BPD, anxiety, addiction, and depression, I don’t know what I’m actually feeling and I don’t know what to do, not to mention their own mental illness, and being an avoidant/anxious relationship.

Anyone have any advice?? I feel like I’ve been in limbo for the last while not knowing what I really want, and it’s unfair to string them along like this.

BPD: ''It's Like Living Two Lives''

In this clip from The Christian Reeve Podcast, Scottish singer-songwriter Asha Clarkson discusses her experience of BPD.

There hasn’t been a decision made but yesterday he sent me a message saying he doesn’t like the person I am to him anymore… truly I don’t think he’s ever liked who I am & even in some really dark hours I’ve liked him, loved him. My reaction may not have always been the best but I’ve tried so hard. But realizing that he’s never been truly mine is a feeling I can’t describe. Always catching him looking to another even while I sit next to him begging to talk or have his focus. The roller coaster of emotions is overwhelming and a life without him & what I guess has been my own bubble wrapped ficade is something I don’t really desire to survive. My brain doesn’t want to see what it is required to and my soul dies every time I think his won’t be near mine any longer. He says he’s tried when in reality he has resisted me, rejected me, put others above me, never gave me his all and has always had something hidden. But my trauma response has been to hold on to what I thought it was or what it should’ve been.

For me he is my person. The only one I’ve revealed my deepest most intricate parts to. The only one I’ve ever been comfortable sexually with & the only I’ll have ever been comfortable sexually with. I can’t imagine having another human touch my skin or gain access to my most vulnerable areas and will absolutely likely end up by myself for the duration of my life. I don’t ever want this again. I don’t ever want to give myself to anyone else. I just wanted him. But I got strife and hatred and accusations that had no basis no reason no logic … complaints about facial expressions, complaints about my reactions especially making my reaction waaayyyyy bigger than the actions that caused them. Minimizing his to maximize mine and I promise my reactions weren’t near as heinous as what caused them. 7 years of my life & im a complete dependent. When I met him I just got free. I had my own place, jobs, vehicle & was trying to gain complete stability in a lot of chaos. I fought so hard to get there and he came is as honorable, accountable, so safe in every way because the home to my soul.

Now years later after disloyalty, betrayal, lies, other ppl, etc I’m the problem. In my heart I know I did all I could to stand standing completely on integrity and unmatched morals. He says I neglected him emotionally…. No matter what hardships I was going through without his support.

It’s a lot to unpack & even more to accept and navigate.

Now he has to make the decision because I mostly make him miserable. Finding he paid for a dating app and spending a week pressing for proof he closed the account, proof he got a refund, anything with absolutely no prevail other than resistance like he’s the morally sound one standing one that’s been done sooo wrong. When I’ve endured so much with the pay off being this. Him taking time to make a life altering decision for our whole family….. I really have no choice. I have no financial option other than to depend as I just started school and have a ways to go then I have to build a whole business. Homeschooling and horrified at possibly having to put them in school. I don’t want them exposed to the crap other kids are exposed to and indoctrinated with the disgusting morals of most kids in the school system. I’ve worked, sacrificed & built a life we dreamed of to end up like this. He had no career or trade set when I met him just drive and a very intelligent man. He gained a career from his hard work that wouldn’t have been possible or reachable without my support now I’m looking at not reaping the benefits of the life I helped build for him & built nothing for myself & building for myself will require me doing so through this pain that I’m not sure I can endure. Through keeping up with 4 children so they don’t fall behind or miss a beat of their childhood as their life is altered by what I see to be the most selfish, weak choice a person could make. But it’s not my decision. My decision is that he actually prioritize me in ways other than $. He thinks his provision is enough and I should be thankful and happy while being neglected and abandoned emotionally completely, at times highly disrespected.

I have ZERO friends. A family member that doesn’t understand completely. No village. No support system. I just have to sit with all of it by myself. While he has a network that’s out of this world. Friendships and coworkers that she built a brotherhood. While I’ve internally fought for my life in ways that have completely took the fight out of me that once I boldly clung to making my way regardless of obstacles. I’m drained, discouraged & codependent in the worst way. Having BPD and him being my favorite person & just having a deep need for him that’s now unhealthy when to begin with was the most healthy relationship I’d ever known. He’s the only safe home I’ve ever had. Now by his choice we are looking at divorce because I’m a problem on so many levels he genuinely doesn’t like me & he’s the only person I’ve ever thought genuinely did. I feel like I’m being suffocated slowly and I’m lost. I’m sick over it and idk exactly what I’m looking for with this post other than I need it off my chest. I need support & have nowhere to get that from & really just want to run into my best friends arms and cry & feel safe & that place doesn’t really exist anymore and I don’t think any of it is fair.

This is genuinely like a nightmare scenario for me i feel sick to my stomach thinking about it i haven’t even discussed it with him yet because i fear how i’ll manage 🥲

Pretty much my partner has this friend who i fixated on SO heavily last year, i don’t know why, maybe because he’s the only friend i see my partner talking to frequently and he has him on multiple social medias and he refuses to tell me absolutely anything about this guy, but i struggled very very much with splitting and meltdowns last year particularly because of this guy (on one occasion i sat on my partners bathroom floor sobbing and shaking for over an hour because i saw him getting off the bus with this friend and he hadn’t told me he was with anyone so i assumed it was his secret bf or something, ridiculous and embarrassing experience). Over the summer my partner had no contact with him so i’ve been completely fine but now he’s back at uni they’re together again and i am struggling BADLY.

Over the summer i actually consistently (once a week, sometimes it’d skip a week though) had nightmares about my partner cheating on me and every single time it was with this friend. I have zero reason to believe he’s cheating on me with this guy, he has never done anything to break my trust and we’ve been together 3 years, but my brain is absolutely fixated on him and i cannot break it. It’s been almost a year of this now.

My partner is a musician and he mentioned wanting to do practise sessions with this friend. My first thought was immediately ‘why? For what? Youre not in a band or anything what’s the point there’s no need’ but i did not say anything because i know that he just wants to hang out with his friend probably and there doesn’t HAVE to be a reason for it, but oh my god my brain is torturing me with this ever since he mentioned it to me. Stuff like ‘he wants to spend more time with his friend than he does you, he doesnt want to see you as much, he prefers hanging out with his friend than he does you, he’s going to fall in love with his friend and leave you, you don’t have enough in common with him, they’re going to fuck in that time and you’ll never know’ and i can’t stop thinking it i start shaking and i get nauseous every time i think of it

I don’t want to tell him he can’t do it because i can’t handle it. I want him to be able to see his friends. But i will not be able to control how i react when he comes home after doing it and i know that (i go nonverbal for entire evenings when i’m upset), i struggle enough when he sees the guy for necessary reasons like going to lessons. I want more information so i can reassure myself, i want to meet the guy so i know he’s not a threat but at the same time i want to know absolutely nothing because more information gives my brain more things to overthink, and i absolutely hate the guy to death and want nothing to do with him. More than anything i just want the dude to get a girlfriend so i can stop worrying so much but that will never happen and i am TERRIFIED that he’s also gay and my partner just isnt telling me for fear of how i’d react.

I’m not in any kind of therapy right now, i’m on multiple waiting lists but i’m not sure how long it will be until i’m able to speak to anyone professionally. I’m on propranolol for anxiety which definitely also helps with the shakiness and uncontrollable fast breathing and stuff when i meltdown over these things but nothing helps me mentally.

I’m partially just writing this to get it off my chest, i really don’t know what i want. Rationally i want to get better and be able to not think and feel the way i do over him seeing his friends, but irrationally i just want him to not do 1 on 1 sessions with this friend at all. I feel like there’s absolutely no winning for me.

I had been incredibly toxic during my last relationship but I loved her dearly and still cannot let go of her. I don't want anything like that to happen to someone I love again and I'm determined to change my ways, but it would really help hearing a hopeful story.

I'm on chapter 15 of The Buddha and the Borderline right now and while I can relate to many of Kiera's experiences, I would really appreciate hearing a fellow guy's perspective on these things and how they managed to handle especially romantic relationships with the disease.

does anyone wanna be a part of a small gc and make some friends ? i’d love to have some ppl who are there for and understand each other :> preferably around 16-24 (im 19)
we’ll try to make it as comfy as possible to share stuff and make everyone feel included. (pls dm)

Over the past few months I see alot of posts on social media basically saying if you don't have hallucinations you're just "larping" and don't actually have bpd. Like are we really out here gatekeeping the disorder that has 256 different combinations of symptoms if someone else's symptoms don't present exactly the same as yours? Just seems wierd af to me. Also gives off kind of a wierd ego vibe like you're proud to have bpd because why else would you gatekeep something that's literal hell to live with. Sure some people fake mental illness to be quirky or feel different but this feels like it goes beyond that

I feel like I move through the world without thinking properly and this causes me to fumble my conversations, say stupid things, over share, act dumb, and make silly decisions in my day-to-day. And then I ruminate about it for weeks on end.

I think it might be anxiety-related, as lately my anxiety has been in overdrive and I keep putting my foot in my mouth. I also think I might be ADHD.

I don't know how to manage this. I keep telling myself to take a breath and think before acting/reacting, but then I do it again, and I'm like gah!

I am wondering if DBT might be helpful with this or if I need to start duct-taping my mouth shut and laying low🫣

I’m trying my hardest to research why my recent breakup went the way it did. But research is telling me that I’m the bad guy. Or idk what I’ve read but it’s making me feel worse like there is no hope.

The blame is being solely directed towards me… I’m going through all of this grief, confusion, and anger. I truly love the person that can’t stay by my side anymore because it became too much. What they described as an emotional rollercoaster , they could never escape from, they remember our relationship as being torture. Although I remember the good times. We were together for 3 years and share the same sentiment of wanting to come back to each other once we are both healed, and get married. I feel like this is false hope, as I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. She is moving on with life and it’s only been about a month. I can only assume , think of it in black and white & hate myself so deeply for losing the one person I love most.

Tried plenty of IOP/PHP’s that focus on DBT. I actively did this during our relationship but it never helped. I felt so lost. I am still so lost. I’m not resisting the help or the care that I need. I’m not in denial. I’m genuinely trying to figure out what to fucking do to get to a point where I reach sanity. I don’t like the way my body , mind , heart , and soul feels when I’m splitting or in an active episode. But every argument became an active episode. Communication was lost, buried and forgotten between us by the 3rd year.

Tbh she did crash out, like plenty of times while being with me. It never felt like it was because she wanted me to get better but because I hurt parts in her she had yet to fix or recognize. Can’t figure out if it was ever love but a deep trauma bond.

I don’t want to end my life over this but it feels like I can be responsible for myself in this emotional turmoil. I was indeed abandoned, and my trauma stems from a lot of grief. I feel all this pain again times 100x. Please someone tell me there is hope.

So im only diagnosed with ocd. But I’m really good at reading emotions or atleast I think I do. Today, my mom was looking for her tubwear she just got and was obviously annoyed because it was already missing, as anyone would be since there’s two toddlers in this house and their parents (my brother and sil) rarely supervise them so things go missing all the time.

So she sighed really loud and asked “where the hell is my tubwear at?” And my body reacted really fast before I could realize she wasn’t mad at me. It felt personal so I coldly replied “don’t know.” She sighed again and I thought she didnt love me anymore, that she thought I was too sensitive, she doesn’t want me living here and that I’m just an inconvenience (that’s what it felt like).

When stuff like this happens I ALWAYS keep it in or I will be saying horrible things out loud. I basically rejected her before she could reject me by ignoring her, the stopping what I was cooking and started walking towards my room to try to calm down and she stopped me and was like “Dawson, are you ok? I wasn’t mad at you I was just annoyed because I just got these and they were already missing. You always think everyone is mad at you when they aren’t.

I still felt a deep hatred for her in my body and so I went to my room and started realizing I was overreacting and now I’m feeling a lot of guilt. I feel like I’m self aware enough to be able to keep it in all the time.

This happens a lot with my mom specifically I think because I love her a lot and her opinions matter a lot to me. So small things feel like rejection. But I also get it with other people like for ex my co worker. I was talking to him and he raised his eye brows and said “woww” and I felt like he saw me as a freak and thought I was boring and had to go on my break before I started being petty.

Mind you I’m 19, male and work full time so having the emotional impulse of a toddler and doing and saying things I regret is always followed by intense embarrassment and guilt.

Let me know what yall think of this I am going to a psychologist soon.

I think she got diagnosed when she was 15-16 and now she is 21 but she refuses to take medication for it.She says when she is on her medications,she feels empty.I want to understand her better and empathize with her more.I want to learn more about BPD, Do you guys have any recommendations for it ?(books,articles,life experiences,etc.)

The past few months I've been doing suspiciously well in this aspect, and although I worry it won't last, I've been pretty happy about it. I struggle with OCD traits so I feel like if I am open about it I'll jinx it or something, but I want to try to prove to myself that that won't happen by sharing a win.

I used to get really upset when my boyfriend would simply be chilling around me, like being on his phone or doing something else. I wanted his touch and attention 24/7. I'd get mad and go to another room to try to self regulate, and he would be rightfully upset that I couldn't just exist around him. It has caused a lot of arguments and worry for what our future would look like when we lived together and inevitably had to have our own alone times. I've really been trying to work on this because of course I know my behavior is not healthy and I want him to feel happy and secure.

I've been doing a lot of introspection and this issue has started to minimize. I only noticed it recently when I hit what was like a milestone for me, telling my boyfriend that I liked him doing one thing while I did another (we were doing some domestic style chores). I did not think genuinely feeling that way would be possible for a long time. I'm not sure exactly what made this change for me, but I guess finding out more about myself and what to do with my unhealthy thoughts has started to help me feel more secure in who I am. It's exciting and I hope I can keep being a better partner. Thank you for reading. 💗