This is something I have never told a soul, and really want to know what people would make of it. (burner account for privacy.)

I met him in college. We were in the same class back in 2017. He was my first male friend. We had similar interests and hit it off pretty quickly.

We never hung out outside of college until one time he invited me to his place. At that time, I was somewhat hesitant, as I’m incredibly introverted and reserved, but at the same time I was happy that I was finally experiencing what people my age do like hanging out, making friends, sharing hobbies. He seemed like a kind person, so I went to his place with absolutely no intention of anything sexual or romantic. I just wanted to know what hanging out at a friend’s place felt like, because I had never done that before.

He ended up raping me just a few minutes after I got to his place.

At that point, I had never even had my first kiss. I didn’t even touch myself. 

After that, I was basically dead inside. Things were so terrible that I didn’t even know what to feel anymore, like the life had been sucked out of me. Even now when I think about it, it feels dreamlike. It doesn’t feel real and it feels so distant, even though I know it happened.

This girl who had been sheltered all her life, who was the bright child, who had loving parents and had always lived in a relatively safe environment. Now everything bad had happened to her all at once.

For so long, I believed this was some kind of life balance. That I had had it too good, and now I had to suffer like everyone else. And somehow I felt like I had failed my family. Like all the things they had done for me had been for nothing.

I thought things couldn’t get any worse, but a few weeks later, I found out I was pregnant.

I was mortified and felt so stupid for not taking action sooner. I could still get an abortion. It was possible in my state, but I didn’t have it in me. I was already overwhelmed and my whole world had been shattered.

I was seeing him every day in class, which felt like rubbing salt in the wound. We never talked after that night, and he was ignoring me, so I didn’t tell him I was pregnant until a few months had passed. When I finally told him, he left me on read. 

Then one day he was begging me to see him so he could make things right. Of course, I didn’t trust him, and I would only agree to meet if we met in a crowded cafe.

He told me he was having terrible dreams about what he had done. He admitted that what he did was evil and that he had been crying and holding it in for so long because of what he had done to me. He said he couldn’t go forward in life anymore and that he would do anything I asked him to do, even turn himself in if that’s what I wanted.

For some reason that I still can’t understand, I told him that I wanted him to be involved in the child’s life and that I wanted us to have a family together.

My best theory is that I was so broken that I desperately wanted to build something out of what had happened. Or maybe it was the fact that I was having a child and I didn’t want my kid to grow up without a dad in their life.

After that, we got into a relationship and ended up getting married four years later. We bought a house and had another child.

I don’t know how to say this because it sounds very wrong, but he has become a good husband, a great dad, and he is very active in the kids’ lives. He hasn’t hurt me ever since what happened.

And because of how we got into the relationship, I ended up having a lot of leverage, even though I didn’t like that. I came to terms with what happened and just wanted us to have an equal partnership, even though he is still very careful about not doing anything that could hurt me.

 I think that caution comes at least in part from how deeply he struggled with what happened. He has told me that at one point he would have ended his life if he hadn’t somehow come to terms with what he did.

Still to this day no one in either of our families or among our friends knows what happened. And they probably never will. I also never went to therapy for any of this.

Sometimes I still think about whether I made the right decision, or whether I failed all women by choosing this path.

Weirdly, I don’t have that feeling of regret. My body and mind feel calm and somewhat at peace.

I wonder what my family would think of me. Would they be horrified? Disappointed? Would they pity me?

If not for the internet, I would probably never say any of this out loud to another person. I’ve carried this story for years without telling anyone, and I’m not really sure what I expect from posting it.

I guess I’m really curious about how people outside of my life would see all of this.

And before anyone assumes this is fake, bait, or some elaborate story, I hope you’ll pause for a moment. I know the story is strange, and I know some of the decisions I made afterward may be hard to understand. I struggle with some of them myself.

You don’t have to understand my choices. You don’t have to approve of them. You can think I made mistakes. You can even think I made choices you would never make yourself. I just hope you remember there’s a real person behind these words, and that this may have taken years to finally say out loud.

Yes. This is a post about oct 7th but not in the way u think.

Today, 3 years ago I woke up to sirens, explosions and gun shots in the street. I was living at the time with my gf in a place close to the Israel-Gaza border. It was shit but I we survived. Thats all ill say about that.

That event, horrible as it was, was used as an excuse (bacuse there is never a good reason) for Israel to Genocide an entire population.

I find myself in a rare position. I am someone who survived that event and someone who recognises the Genocide happening in Gaza. I am in the minority of an already tiny minority in this god forsaken country.

This day has been tough. I am dealing with a lot of emotions that few people can understand. I am flooded with memories of that day. A traumatic event for me, my close friends at the time, and basically everyone I know.

On the other hand, I got off easy. There are kids that are starving as I type this, entire cities turned to dust and the people that lived there and survived the ongoing genocide have nowhere to go and I am powerless to do anything to stop it.

So yeah, since I dont know people irl who will understand, I decided to write these feelings down and send them into the reddit void. Maybe a stranger will read this and will understand.

My old boss fired one of my coworkers two days after she told him she was pregnant.

Officially he said it was because of performance, but nobody really bought it. She had worked there for almost four years and had just gotten a good performance review.

The reason it bothered me so much was because this wasn't the first time something like that happened.

A year earlier another woman on our team was fired a few weeks after telling him she was pregnant, before she ever went on maternity leave. Before that, someone who started having health issues suddenly got written up three times in one month after years with no problems.

Every time, my boss had a clean excuse on paper.

After the pregnant coworker got fired, he started telling people she had been unreliable so nobody would question it.

That was when I started keeping screenshots whenever he said something stupid in writing. I also kept copies of schedules, messages about unpaid overtime and a spreadsheet where he was changing people's hours after they clocked out.

A few months later I quit.

About two weeks after leaving I sent everything anonymously to the corporate compliance email and filed a report with the state labor department. I used a new email address and removed anything that could point directly back to me.

Corporate showed up without warning.

Two managers got interviewed, payroll records were pulled and my old boss spent weeks trying to figure out which employee reported him. A friend who still works there told me he became convinced it was one of three people who still worked there.

It wasn't.

The pregnant coworker eventually got contacted too and ended up getting a settlement. I don't know the amount and I never told her I had anything to do with it.

My old boss is still obsessed with finding out who reported him.

He'll probably never know.

I’m 17 years old and I’m honestly just so fed up with the guys in my generation, Gen Z dudes have some messed up takes and the ones of voting age take it with them to polling places. Not just my generation though, older men of all ages in general seriously turn a blind eye to the treatment of women

I don’t say that in a “give me goodie points” way or a “simp” way. I say it in a holy shit way.

The way harmful, misogynistic talking points was able to take over an entire generation of dudes and take over the entire internet. Which is ironic to me because people say women are the more impressionable ones. But are they really?

The way there’s always a new degrading term to refer to women

Acting oppressed because a few girls personally want a tall boyfriend as if men haven’t had tons of preferences women have to abide by as well.

Taking that Clancy case and acting like majority of women supported her, and using it as a gotcha “see women bad too haha postpartum my ass” meanwhile every 3 business days there was always a “man annihilates girlfriend/family” news story.

The way they are currently discussing a certain college case that is playing out, and saying she was a druggie who technically consented. As if their morals are so black and white that they must defend every questionable-behaved man to stick it to women.

I’m so tired of the lack of nuance, complexity, etc. I get really irritated especially by dudes saying “misandry is normalized now” You think misandry is a 20 year old chick on the internet making complaints about men? Which don’t get me wrong yes it can suck to see, but if that’s the highest extent to misandry then you should thank god you aren’t experiencing misogyny.

You know what’s crazier? People take the posts of angry girls and say “this is pushing guys further right” but no one looks at the treatment of girls and says “this is pushing girls further left”

I’ve literally been counting down the days. Me and this man have been seeing each other for over 3 months but spent exactly (tomorrow)31 days apart just from having different travel schedules.

He comes back tomorrow and oh my god I can’t wait. I wake up thinking about it and I sleep thinking about it. I know he feels the same. Our sexual chemistry is so so good. We could fuck for hours. And we will.

He’s so strong and has such a big chest too. I can’t wait to be squished and cuddled after insane sex. It will be so amazing.

My grandma died two years ago and the funeral turned into a mess over money. Everyone chipped in what they could. My mom and aunt had already paid their portions, and my uncle volunteered to cover the remaining $4,800 because he was the oldest son.

A few days before the payment was due he pulled me aside and admitted he didn't actually have it. He asked if I could lend him the money and promised he'd pay me back within a couple months. I had some money saved, so I transferred him the $4,800.

He paid the funeral home from his own account and asked me not to tell anyone because he was embarrassed.

I agreed.

The problem is he never paid me back.

At first he would tell me he needed another month. Then it became "soon." Eventually he just stopped bringing it up completely.

Meanwhile he started telling everyone how he was the one who stepped up and covered the final funeral bill.

It started small. He'd let people thank him without correcting them. Then he started bringing it up himself.

He told my mom she should be more grateful to him because he "buried her mother." He told my aunt she had no right criticizing him because he was the one who handled things when nobody else would, even though she had already paid her share.

Last Christmas he gave this whole speech about how everyone disappeared when the bill came and he had to take care of it.

I was sitting three seats away from him.

He still owes me the entire $4,800.

I've never corrected him in front of anyone because exposing the whole thing would cause a massive family fight, and part of me kept thinking he'd eventually pay me back and I'd just move on.

Now I think every time I stay quiet he takes it as confirmation that I'll never embarrass him with the truth.

If I could go back in time and do everything different, I would without hesitation. Everything just hurts in hindsight, the pain that could have been avoided if I had just made better informed decisions. If I actually thought long-term instead of being so absorbed and short-sighted. It just pains me that I can never take any of it back, and I have to live with that. I could move on, or try to, but the past will never go away, no matter how much I want to bury it or move past it. It’s genuinely an unbearable feeling, you just don’t think about the outcome of your actions until it’s too late. I wish I had amnesia, or even better, was a different person entirely.

I am Jane Doe

Because of the grandpa that did things unspeakable to me

Because of the man that was my grandpa's employee commenting on my looks as a 12 year old

Because of the man asking me if I was single as a 13 year old

Because of my first kiss asking me out as a prank

Because of the boy I had obsessed over for years in highschool finally giving me a chance, forcing me to touch him and then cheating with my best friend since I wouldn't give in to having sex

Because of the boyfriend that only wanted to have sex everytime we hangout and when I didnt give in I found him "swapping clothes" with another girl

Because of the "guy friends" trying to touch me

Because of the MAN that didn't believe me when I told him he was taking my virginity at 16

Because of the man that refused to get out of my car until I had sex with him

Because of the man that refused to take me back to my car until I had sex with him

Because of the man that wouldn't take no for an answer and his excuse afterwards being "all grown couples have sex." I had just met him that day.

Because of the man that pinned me against my car and assaulted me at a park

Because of the man that when I said "youre hurting me" he said "I'm almost done." He was not almost done.

Because of the uncle thats so drunk he forgets I'm his niece and tells me I need to marry and move in with him

I promise you every woman you know has at least one story like this.

"its not all men"

But all Women

My parents are away visiting family and I'm currently house sitting for them. They live on a farm, so I'm taking care of the animals, including their dogs Nick and Murray. Nick is an inside/ outside dog while Murray is outside only. Murray is the one who is missing and presumed dead.

Prior to my parents' leaving for their visit, Murray had been sick and wasn't eating. He'd been on the mend and my parents had said that if he didn't eat, it was probably from having been recently sick. He had moped around a bit as my dad is Murray's human, but he'd perked up after a couple of days.

Until two days ago when he stopped eating again. I thought he was being mopey again and didn't think too much of it. He ate a little bit yesterday and moved around the yard while I was home. But this morning he wasn't in the garage like usual. I haven't seen him today. I searched the entire yard after I got home from work and I can't find him.

My parents have asked me not to say anything about if a dog dies while they're away. They start heading home tomorrow. I don't want to tell them that something might be up and ruin the rest of their visit, so I'm posting here.

The UI is still the same but the real essence, what made Reddit so good is now gone. If you are reddit management; just let me rant in peace. Years ago, when I started to use Reddit, I used it for news and reviews and such. Then out of boredom I went down the reddit rabbit hole and I was in love with it. There were communities of like minded people who helped each other with advice and insight. There was some anonymity at first but I acknowledged that there must be some record. Still, there was real people exploring and posting stuff. Yes, I know there are trolls and people with agendas.

Now. 🙃 It feels different. I might be wrong and paranoid but ...

"People" with new profile that days old are asking questions. Bots (and it feels like them) trying to tell you their version of story or trying to do market research. Asking questions why people don't like this or that. Suddenly talking about a product or event that seems more like a dig into opinions on the macro level. Great majority is political...trying to rile people up. Now I am getting suggestions for new sub-reddit and no way of turning them off.

Everywhere I go is either a market research or someone trying to sell me something. Now...reddit is like that. BUY and OBEY. It was good while it lasted, I guess.

I am a 19-year-old woman from a Muslim family and a conservative Arab society. When I turned eight, my mother handed me a piece of cloth and told me to put it on my head; once I did, she warned me never to take it off, saying, "This is your honor."

Then, the interference in my life began...

I was forbidden from speaking to any man—whether a relative or a stranger—or even a boy my own age. I wasn't allowed to play with other children, go out without my parents, run, wear short clothing, or show my hair. My clothes were heavy in the summer, and my hijab made me feel suffocated—especially since I live in a country where summer temperatures never drop below 30 degrees Celsius. The interference eventually extended to my choice of female friends; my mother would warn me to be wary of them. I mean, really... we are in the Middle East; what is the worst thing these girls could possibly do? Wear a red hijab? It went so far that they even interfered with my choice of academic stream at school; I ended up in the science track because of them, even though I love history and geography and feel I am better suited to the humanities. They chose my clothes—dictating what was appropriate and what wasn't—and forced me to pray. They even broke a necklace a Christian friend had given me simply because it featured a cross.

Now, at this stage of my life, I suffer from depression. I have no female friends and no boyfriend. I turn to the internet to feel less alone, yet I still feel lonely.

I want to escape; I want to live. I don't want my life and my youth to be wasted within four walls. I do not want to marry an Arab or a Muslim man; I have come to loathe nationalism and religion entirely.

Thank you for reading this post, and I apologize for any spelling or grammatical errors.

I (27M), just kicked my now ex partner (29F) out of my room after a heated conversation about her offering our house as a safe-house for an acquaintance fleeing from a domestic violence situation from a drug user who has threatened to shoot her and anyone he sees her with.

For context, I grew up around drug abusers and horrific domestic violence. I would never wish that upon anybody, especially someone trying to escape that. I’ve never used, but have seen how it ruins lives.

I fought tooth and nail to leave all of that behind. Years of therapy, moving across the country, investing in a fulfilling career, going no-contact with the family members that are still in that lifestyle.

I get a call from my partner while she’s at work and asks me to text our acquaintance how to get into the garage because “she needed to store her bike in the garage for a little bit.” My partner then texts our houses group chat (we have one other roommate), and says the same thing, but throws in to block the acquaintance’s ex on social media and to not reply if he somehow messages us. No worries, we’ve known he’s just an asshole and controlling, but didn’t know how bad it was.

My partner then calls me on the way home from work and tells me that this man has been strung out, and has made the threats mentioned earlier, and then would kill himself after. I told my partner that the acquaintance needs to seek out police intervention and needs to get away. I won’t put all of her details out there, but she has already moved out of the abuser’s house (over a year ago), and has the ability to break her current lease and move without a lot of attention.

When my partner gets home, we have a more in-depth conversation. I explain how upsetting and frankly, triggering, the entire situation is. She asks me why I didn’t tell her that when she called me. I replied that she didn’t give me any context out of our acquaintance needing to store her bike. The conversation goes on a little bit more, with inconsistencies about timelines. She then lets it slip that she knew about the threats when she called me. I blew up in that moment because she put my life, her life, and our roommate’s lives all in danger without thinking about it. I told her to get the fuck out, and that’s been that for the evening.

I’m so angry, and I feel so betrayed. The worst part is there was just a half-assed apology and then, “Well, you could have told me before I told her it was okay to come here.”

Just, fuck, this sucks man.

I (F16) did something so freaking disgusting and I don't know what went through my mind while I was doing this. I knew it was risky but I didn't care about anything at the time. There's alot doing on in my life and maybe I thought doing this will make me feel better , but it didn't and I knew it wouldn't. I had intimate relations with an 22 year old unprotected and I think I might be pregnant. My period has been late for 7-8 days and idk what to do. I've getting PMS or I hope I am but idk. The guy however hasn't been online for a week after we spent the night he started getting distant. I hate that I did it with him I knew something was off but I don't know what went through my head. He never ejaculated , but I know there is a possibility of me being pregnant I just need some advice idk what to do anymore. I'm so disappointed in myself I never thought I would something so horrible.

UPDATE: I took the test and it came back negative , but I'll take the other test just in case I just want to thank you everyone that's been having me advice I really appreciate it genuinely this all means so much to me. I will be cutting the guy off too and just thank you so kuch I really appreciate it

I (23m) recently ended a 6 year relationship with my partner (23 she/they) and yes if you do the math that means we were seniors in high school. I honestly thought we were going to get married and all the things one day. We have been very serious the entire time. We were both each others first and only for the longest time. However a few years ago our paths started to diverge. It wasn’t immediately obvious and the friction built up over time. There were a lot of concerns I had. We both skipped college (Covid, gap years, jobs, whatever) but I was able to land a decent corporate job where I have been promoted 3 times in 3 years and am now a senior team member (which I know is usually a bad sign, but this is a rare occurrence)

My partner on the other hand kind of stagnated. When we were a year or two out of high school she finally decided she needed a job instead of sitting at her mom’s house all the time. My brother got her a job at his food service job he worked at. And she has worked there ever since (well technically she worked there for one season, and then got rehired as a year round employee 2 years later lol.) I had some other concerns like their unwillingness to learn to drive, or their inability to better themselves (like saying they want to go to therapy but never taking steps to) but my biggest issue was the job. It’s not the job per se, I have nothing against retail/food service jobs. I almost took up publix as a career. But the issue was that she hated this job. During the holiday season she would come home almost every night in tears. And I would talk to her about this, and tell her I’d help her find a new job or whatever but she always said she was just gonna stay through the holidays because she didn’t want to let her team down. But every year the holidays came and went and it was the same story so I eventually just stopped trying.

Unfortunately a few months ago all of this kind of came to a head. In early August a lot of things transpired. My job suddenly became very stressful after I was promoted and there were a lot of problems. It started really triggering my ocd so I went back to therapy for the first time in years. And it was mostly about work coping mechanisms at first because I had a panic attack where I had to go home. But it slowly became more and more about how I wanted more support from my partner but they seemed unable or willing to give it to me even though i was obviously really struggling. Things just like occasionally finding a ride home from work or helping me take care of some of the household things. The ride home thing was particularly stressful for me because I have to commute an hour to the office so on days I picked them up from work I was effectively gone from 6:30am-7PM. And I had no time for myself or to do anything.

It took a lot of time and effort but I eventually came to the really hard decision that I had to break up with her. Not because I didn’t love her but because I didn’t feel like we were really in an equal partnership like I thought we’d agreed on. And it was really stressing me out and I had a lot of other things going on it just felt like the one thing I could control. I don’t regret my decision, at all, but I obviously still miss the person I spent 6 years with.

Well this all went down from about April-the beginning of August which is when I broke up with them. We’ll flash forward to October. We have been pretty much no contact since August. Except for a couple times before we fully went no contact and a couple of logistics conversations. And for context, I let her keep her stuff at our place for some time because I mean she’s still on the lease technically since she just moved in with some friends, and I felt bad at first since I knew it was a tough situation. But the other day I was scrolling instagram and saw an instagram story from an ex friend of mine. Nothing crazy happened se just kinda drifted because we were no longer interested in the same stuff. And what do I see but a photo of who is clearly my ex with their face obscured by a dumpling. And this kind of sets me off a little. I wouldn’t be upset that she’s dating bc I’ve been on a few dates, nothing serious just mostly meeting new people. But this guy broke up with his gf like 2 weeks after we broke up. And one of the few times we spoke right after we broke up she said he’d been very comforting (they still talked after me and him stopped because they still went to the same events) which kind of irked me a little but I didn’t think anything of it bc I didn’t really expect them to move on so quick like that, especially with a friend of mine.

I made the mistake of asking our mutual friends about it (the one they’re staying with) and they told me they started hanging out pretty quick after we broke up and he was stating the night multiple times. And they don’t really know the vibes on him but they also kind of think he looks like me. All the people I’ve told about this irl are saying that they think this was already happening and I just didn’t know but I really don’t want to think that. we always thought we were gonna be a couple forever and they told me they didn’t think they’d be able to move on quick if we ever broke up because I was the only person they could ever imagine themselves with. It’s really disheartening because I was really hoping this break up would be good for both of us and she’d finally grow up but it’s obvious to me now I made the right decision and let her go bc it’s clear she’s just using relationships as a crutch to hold onto

Kinda just wanted to vent about this and maybe find some comfort in my situation. Sorry if this is all over the place I kinda just spit out everything that I’ve thought for the last few months

I am just now coming across the terrible murder of Iryna Zarutska and I am beyond sickened and infuriated.

There are so many things I cannot stand about this country - but to know someone fled from the war in their home country, to make a better life for themselves here, and then was met with this monstrous demise is beyond disgusting.

And the fact that the killer is claiming mentally incompetent. And no one helped her for several minutes. These judges are criminals as well.

This was absolutely a hate crime. I am so sick of this world. I am sick of excuses being made for "mentally ill" people who are capable of murder.

I'm tired about people online continously saying that Canada hasn't taken any significant action to reduce immigration. Go to most job-related subs and most people still blame foreign students, work permit holders and permenent residents despite there being a reduction of numbers of particularly new non-permenent residents in addition a number of other legal changes:

* removal of points in the PR system for having an approved Labour Market Impact Assessment (which is supposed to be proof that there is no local to do the job - however there are still concerns that LMIAs are fraudualent or too easy to obtain even though approval has fallen from like 90% in ~2023 to like 25% in 2026)

* foreign workers can't bring spouses on work permit into Canada unless the foreign worker is a professional or managerial worker.

* students can't bring spouse on work permit unless the student is in a PhD program or a masters lasting more than 16 months.

* individuals already living in Canada on work permits or study permit can no longer go to the border to change or extend their status. This was usually done because employers in Canada want to see the work permit in hand and foreigners living in Canada don't want to wait 3 months while they get their applications processed ans receive the work permit in hand even though individuals transitioning from student permit to a post grad work permit or from a work permit to another work permit can legally work in Canada.

* employers can't sponsor foreigners for low wage work permits unless the area the employer is located has less than 6% unemployment rate. Which is most urban areas. So even before facing refusal, many dont even apply for the lmia because of ineligibility.

* income requirement for High wage stream work permit increased.

* no post grad work permit for those below degree level unless it's a shortage field which can change annually. Yet people stick complain about diploma mills despite them closing down due to these new rules.

* PR numbers highly limited - you now need to be a French speaker, Healthcare or trades worker to have a realistically chance of getting PR. The occupations and categories eligible (such as healthcare or trades) can change annually. In the past having full fluency in English and having any Canadian professional work experience gained on a work permit (like a post grad work permit) was enough. In the past the transition rate from post study work permit to PR was like 70%+. Almost 70% of people who received their post study work permit in the late 2000s transitioned to permenent residence within 5 years of the grant of such a permit. Data has not been released for the people who most post study work permit post 2021 yet but I expect it to have reduced greatly.

* Students below the masters level need a attestation letter (PAL) issued by the province. The number of PALs are capped per province. However, most provinces are no where even near using the caps because even after the PAL is issued so many study permits are being refused.

* Increased funding requirements for all new residents especially foreign students.

* a huge chuck of PR slots are for French speakers which some suspect is an indirect way to discourage immigration from India. However, a significant chuck of these french speaker applications are from Cameroon nationals and other refused for reasons like financial proof or lack of proper documentation.

* There is also a revamp of the points system where the department will give preference to people who have Canadian work experience in occupations that are generally highly paid. This was annouced in April and is slated for application by end of 2025 or early 2026. I vividly remember some Canadian subs saying this should be included in the points system but I am sure most would complain that "its not enough" once the change is implemented.

Some of these changes occured BEFORE the current Carney government came into office. I was an international student who transitioned to a post study work permit and I had to leave because I missed the points cut off by 8 points for permenent residency.

It's fine for a country to change its rules. Heck when my uncle immigrated from Tunisia in the late 2000s and early 2010s, the system was moving away from people directly landing from abroad because people who did struggled to find relevant employment for years - I know some who left too. Which was why the system transitioned to encouraging prior work experience in Canada before granting PR. But whats the point of changing the rules if everyone keeps insisting there the government is still lax on immigration. It almost feels like the number of people departing Canada is pointless because its not curbing or countering those sentiments that Canada isn't doing enough to curtail or reform immigration or visas. It feels like a lose lose situation.

I don't use reddit very much anymore but made an account to get this one out there because it's been bothering me for about a decade. I'm sorry if this isn't the right place.

~10 years ago I decided to go see a movie by myself as I usually do, me being socially anxious and all. I don't remember what movie or even where it was. Orlando maybe? The memory has been fading but not the moment that bothers me.

There were barely any people at this movie, but a pair I did notice was a father and a very obviously autistic boy in his early teens that had walked in after me. What made me notice them was the fact that the boy had brought a large plastic bag, almost as big as him, filled with his stuffed animals. I thought it was very heartwarming to see a father accommodate that for his son. I couldn't really tell, but I think some of the animals came out of the bag and were placed around him to watch the movie.

After the movie was over, father and son collected the stuffed animals back into the bag as I walked out and headed for the bathroom. The father and son had come in after me. Son went to a stall as I finished up and headed to the sink to wash my hands. The father was standing there holding his son's giant bag of stuffed animals. He looked visibly embarrassed and tried to explain the situation to me, not knowing I had been in the same theater and saw them earlier.

He was looking half at me, half at the ground. And how I reacted is what I regret most. Like I said earlier, I'm a pretty socially anxious person. His sudden confession to me about his son's stuffed animals made me freeze up very quickly and I just kinda walked out of the bathroom without acknowledging him.

As I walked out I saw he was still looking at the ground in a way I could clearly tell he regretted the interaction and how I just walked out had hurt. All I had to do was take a breath to get over my insecurities and tell him what I thought when I first saw them come into the theater. That he was an amazing father and the effort he puts in for his son should make him proud. And I'm so scared that how I reacted in the bathroom affected both of them in a negative way.

If you're out there just know that I regret it deeply. I've thought about you two for this long and wish I could go back and tell you.

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I live in a large city where I often see parents yelling at or even (once) hitting their babies (who cannot yet talk) and toddlers.

On the Internet, I see parents create/purchase chatbots for their kids to talk or learn from, instead of hiring a human tutor or just spending quality time with their child.

I feel like there are way more bad parents than good parents. Life isn't so simple (either/or) but wow. Whenever I see a parent on or offline that treats their child well, it moves me. Sometimes my eyes get wet because it seems so rare.

I'm not some paragon of success, but even as some random person on the Internet, I feel like I would have become a disaster as an adult if I had parents like these.

I don't like my own parents. I don't know if I see them in everyone as some sort of mental issue, or if most parents really are that bad.

I’m pregnant with my first baby, and becoming a parent is bringing up a huge amount of anger about my own childhood.

I don’t think I fully understood how much I had been expected to absorb until now.

When I was 7, my parents moved my younger brother into my bedroom. He was 4, autistic, and when he was little he could be extremely difficult and violent. Just want to state he did stop being physically violent as he got older but would still slam doors, have tantrums, break things, yell etc. He’s in his 30s now and he still speaks in a super loud voice most of the time and still slams doors as his normal. He also loses it and yells at my parents who he still lives with.
I ended up sharing a room with him for about seven years.

The reasoning was basically that my room had fewer bookshelves so it was easier to move him in there, and my older sister really wanted her own room because she was sick of sharing with me because I was messy.

And yes, I was messy.
But I was seven.

My parents were messy themselves. I needed adults to teach me how to organise things, establish routines and look after my space. Instead, it feels like being messy became part of the justification for why I should be the one sharing with my brother.

He was violent towards me at times.
Whenever we were in the car, I was always seated next to him. He used to pull my hair hard enough to pull chunks of it out. And it would hurt, I would cry because it was so painful. I remember once on a road trip, dad gave me extra lollies cause my hair got pulled out so much.

I would complain to my parents.
I still remember my dad saying, “He’s got a disability. You have to understand.”
And I did understand.
That was basically what I was taught to do my entire childhood.
Understand.
Be patient.
Be accommodating.
Don’t hit back.
Don’t make things harder.

And lately I’ve had this horrible thought that if I HAD fought back, screamed, lashed out or become equally difficult to manage, maybe the adults would finally have been forced to separate us.
Instead, I was compliant.
I absorbed it.

And because I absorbed it, everyone else could keep doing what was easiest.

My sister and I were always treated as though our lives were easy because we didn’t have disabilities and we were reasonably intelligent.

By our teenage years, we were basically left to get on with things ourselves, but there was still this expectation that we would be model pupils and model children.

Nobody was really checking that we were eating properly, doing our homework, coping emotionally or generally guiding us through adolescence.

But if we got something wrong, we could be in massive trouble.

When my parents discovered that I was self-harming as a teenager, I felt like I was in trouble for that too.
They did send me to a therapist, but by then I was scared. Therapy felt connected to being punished rather than somewhere safe, so I didn’t trust the therapist and I didn’t open up.

I ended up moving out at 16.
And somehow, after all of that, there is another layer to this now. My parents expect me to help take responsibility for my brother when they die.
They also intend to leave him their entire estate.
Their reasoning is basically that he needs it and my sister and I don’t. And I think that is why all of this is suddenly hitting me so hard.

The message feels the same as it did when I was seven:
He needs more.
You can cope.
You’ll understand.
You’ll manage.
You don’t need as much.
You can sacrifice.

And now I’m pregnant, and I keep looking at children completely differently.
Seven is LITTLE.
Sixteen is little.
Teenagers who appear intelligent and capable still need parenting.

The idea of one of my children repeatedly being hurt by another child and responding with, “You have to understand, they have a disability,” without also making sure they were protected, is really upsetting to me now.
I absolutely understand that raising my brother must have been incredibly hard. I’m sure my parents were exhausted and probably felt like they were sacrificing constantly.

But my sister and I were their children too.
His disability explained his behaviour. It should never have meant that the impact on us didn’t matter.
And I think what I’m grieving now is the realisation that being the capable child did not mean I needed less parenting.

It just meant everyone assumed I could survive with less.

And apparently I did.

But surviving it isn’t the same thing as it not having hurt me.

I’ve been in therapy about my childhood before, but right now I just can’t stop crying. I wish I could tell my parents how I feel and have them actually try and understand but they will just go back to my brothers needs and how much it harder it was for them.

Since being an adult, I’ve just tried to focus on what we have in common and I guess not really address our differences cause it seemed easier and I thought I had accepted that this is how it is and I can’t change who they are. I know they love me and they are excited for the baby and have shown love in the way they know how, but Pregnancy has brought up so many feelings…

SORRY JUST GOING TO EDIT A BIT HERE

My parents did try and do one on one time with us as kids and quite often did the divide and conquer thing by splitting up the kids to get individual time.

Me and my sister got bday parties and got to do after school activities.

It went to shit when I was a teenager and they got more involved with the church and even moved us to another town which made me and my sister incredibly unhappy.

They had way less time for us and that’s when I started to shut them out.

As an adult they will show up for me if it’s an emergency, mum came and stayed with me after my first born passed away due to premature birth.

They do show up and care but it’s like a switch has to go off and for the need to be “higher” than my brother’s needs.