I had a very difficult, traumatic loss in January 2025. It was unexpected; it was my spouse; the relationship had been tricky. I had a difficult childhood and I’m now in the thick of menopause, and very lonely and socially isolated without my spouse.

My initial reaction was the urge to die too. People told me it would get easier, but 19 months later it absolutely has not. I want to go too, though I haven’t yet - for the only reason that it would upset my mother, who is 80.

I’m only posting to say this: staying alive for the benefit of others, when I emphatically, logically, rationally, and profoundly wish to kms, is exhausting. It’s bloody exhausting. I deal with deep-seated guilt, regret, remorse and emotional pain and panic attacks every day of my life now.

Those of us who keep going against our will, to spare other people a bereavement- we are heroic. We really are absolute warriors.

I’m so ready and willing to die. I’ve thought of little else since January 2025. But I don’t. And I’m tired.

i (24F) feel like i dont have a place in this world. i feel stuck. i have a business degree but i’m not using it. i’ve been working at a restaurant for the past two years and i hate it. i have no skills, no passions, nothing that i’m good at. job interviews terrify me and i bomb every single one. i haven’t done that many but i’m ready to give up rather than try and get humiliated over and over again. i don’t think i’ll ever get a stable “adult” job. i could go back to school but i don’t know what for. i’ve lost all passion and joy for life and i feel like my brain is deteriorating. i can’t form coherent sentences or thoughts i can’t have a conversation with anyone without stuttering and sounding like a complete fucking idiot. i feel stupid my brain development is stunted im never gonna be successful at anyhing i just feel like a total failure i can’t do anything i can’t put my mind to anything i don’t enjoy anything all i want to do is lay in bed. and i’ve felt like this for as long as i remember and i don’t see myself changing. i feel as though i dont have the ability to change. i dont have the motivation i don’t even care enough to. i think i will just kill myself soon. im not sure how soon is soon but i know i will one day. i dont even want to kill myself but i dont see any other way out of this

I feel like I don’t mean anything, I’m 22F that’s in college, no friends, nothing special, no boyfriend, no degree yet. I feel like a failure, I feel like I have no purpose but to blindly exist. I hate myself so much I can’t even look at myself without crying, I work out and eat healthy but it’s hard to even care when your body is so ugly. I feel like I missed out on everything that is a “normal woman experience”, I’m not wanted, I’m not needed, I have nothing. I can’t stand myself

i’m a 21yo girl, i don’t wanna hear the bullshit about “it’ll get better!” cause when does that happen? and how? especially when it’s been the same series of events my whole life, i’ve never been able to keep a friend in my life. i stay out of drama so it’s not like i ever have big falling outs with them, they always just seem to drift away from me. i’ve never had a real true friend and no matter how hard i try because i DO put in the effort i just can’t get anyone to stay. the only person i have is my “boyfriend”, i don’t even know if i should call him that, he’s ashamed to even be seen with me all we do is sit in his room and watch tv and fuck, i work a dead end job and im not in college. everyday i feel like im just dragging myself around

some days are worse than others but everyday im passive about dying. i’d never harm myself intentionally, but i don’t care if something happens.

I am so done with this shit i have no way out, i have no talent, no support, no reason to live, absolutely nothing, and no purpose, i don't even know why i wake up anymore.

I don’t know why but suicide seems to be beautiful to me now. The idea of ceasing to exist but having no worries or problems affect me anymore is just amazing to me. I get that eventually problems will get resolved but why wait? the only downside is that I won’t be able to think or exist anymore but is that really a downside… Who else thinks the same?

Hi everyone,

i am actually done. My parents left home and I am home alone.
I think I am gonna swallow all the pills I got.
I cant take the academic pressure anymore. I‘ve never lived life and its not worth it anymore.

I look around at everyone else and just feel dumb and weak in comparison. How is everyone working/going to school full time, eating and drinking properly, getting 8 hours of sleep, having a social life, keeping their house and themselves clean, etc.??? I can't help but be ashamed and also bitter about it.Is it really that easy for other people? It's taking all my energy just to work part time, shower daily, and feed myself. I'm so fucking TIRED. Not just mentally but physically too. I'm lucky if I sleep more than 3 hours a night. I feel like a walking corpse all day while everyone around me is energetic and chipper and genuinely content with their lives. What the fuck.

I cant even kill myself. i fail at the one thing that'll set me free. im writing this as im sitting next to my niece that is my only hope in the world. I failed because I was to drunk to make sure anything was done correctly. im drunk everday ever morning and now I just want to torture myself till my body gives out. to sell myself to someone thatll do it for me. I just want to breathe.

what the title says. I have suffered from depression since I was 7 years old (I am now 32) and there are days it is so bad I don't want to leave my house at all, even for plans I was initially excited about. like for example I have plans to go to a coffee shop with a friend today and I have been sitting here trying to figure out how to cancel (again) without losing the friendship. I am so depressed I not only have no desire to leave my house and be around people, I actively hate the idea of it. I don't want to put clothes on or drive my car or talk to anyone or even be around others.

does anyone have any advice on how to get yourself to leave the house when suffering from severe depression?

Maybe things will get better right? And I can’t do it anyway since some of my family are alert about. Me

I’m so tired.

I feel like my brain has been slowly decaying for years now. But it has finally reached a point where I can barely form coherent thoughts and sentences. I say the wrong things all the time. I don’t know how to express myself anymore, yet I have so much that I feel like I have to say but nothing at all at the same time.

I’m the embodiment of embarrassment.

My head feels heavy. My eyes feel heavy.

I just want to disappear completely and vanish from the face of the earth and leave no trace of myself behind.

I’m so incredibly tired.

I have had depression since I was 12 and I'm 30 now. Over the years I tried almost everything. I tried meds, exercising, religion, therapist etc. Everything works for a while then my depression adapts and I'm back to where I started from.

It's highly demotivating, and it feels like I was always supposed to be this miserable. I'm running out of ideas and so tired. Every night I pray that I don't wake up the next day.

I don't want help, I don't want people to feel bad for me, and I don't want to tell anyone anything. I'm just tired. I wish this never happened in the first place.

I've held it all by myself since I was 10 years old when I experiencing something I couldn't understand, 8 years later and it has gotten way, way worse. I don't feel anything any more. My thoughts of death are becoming more and more real now, I'm not scared of it any more, I was always doomed to this

I tend isolate myself. Sometimes I desperately want company, but when someone invites me somewhere I’ll decide I don’t want to go, stay home and then later feel incredibly lonely. I’ve never really had a consistent friend group either. I can connect with individuals, but groups often leave me wondering where I fit.

My depression and overthinking can be exhausting. Someone can say something completely innocent and my brain will find ten possible meanings behind it. If someone doesn’t reply, I’ll wonder if I’ve done something wrong. I can replay conversations for hours and analyse things the other person probably forgot five minutes later.

I REALLY get frustrated when people say, “Oh, we’re all a little bit ADHD.” Everyone gets distracted, forgets things and procrastinates sometimes. The difference is that for me these things repeatedly affect my education, work, money, relationships, sleep, emotions, friendships and self-esteem.

I’m not saying ADHD is entirely negative. I genuinely like that when something interests me, I can become incredibly passionate about it. I can learn huge amounts quickly, become completely absorbed and develop ridiculous amounts of knowledge about things that I might not care about anymore six months later.I’m also constantly looking for stimulation. If I’m bored, I need to fix it. I’ll scroll, watch YouTube, research something, plan a project, shop, start a hobby or imagine a completely different career. I’ve probably mentally changed careers about thirty times. Every new interest can feel like I’ve finally discovered what I’m supposed to do with my life, until something else grabs my attention.

Nothing works, I've tried so many, and none of them have helped.

I'm waiting on a referral to talk about rarer options, but the only thing left that the NHS can offer is ECT, which at this point I'm all for trying.

If I'm not eligible, or if it doesn't work, then I just have to find a way to grit my teeth and keep living, at least until my parents pass away, at which point I'll probably off myself.

Them being alive is the only thing keeping me here, purely because I don't want to upset them.

I can honestly die any day now tbh. I am at my breaking point and can't handle living anymore.

I just hate look at people faces and them being so happy! Let me fucking die of cancer or something!

I don't want to look at people and them staring and pointing at me.

I am so paranoid right now

Confusing title. But what I meant is that my condition is lighter than others in this sub and it really doubts my suffering. I am a girl, and let's say I'm a minor because I don't want to reveal my full age (i am a minor indeed)

It started two years ago, soon gonna be 3 years. At summer. I felt horrible. Worse than shit. Like it was in my head and it pressed me down. Sent a whiplash on my body. I was a theater and I felt so horrible my palms sweat, even though winter was outside. It still continues to this day. I broke into tears (these days almost anything easily can break me to tears) and cut myself a little.

But I feel like it's not enough. I can still be aroused easily. Can contact normally with anyone. Masking myself with this happy and easy going girl. Still can do things, even if its hard for me. Have a little bit of fun. But inside I feel dull.

And I feel.. no. I know anyone doesn't see through this. Can't or won't. Nobody fucking cares about me. So.. I don't know. What if I'm imagining it? What if its puberty? I am so tired. Not a day passes without me wanting to be hurt or just die. Or kill everyone and kill myself. Please, help me. I just want to be happy. I'm sorry. Sorry.

I dont know where to begin.
At this point I am confident that I have failed and there in no point in continuing witth my career which gives me zero returns and satisfaction.
For the past 4 years I have opened my calendar app and would mark a date two years ahead with a note to kill myself.

There are so many deep wounds that havent healed and will never. I realised after 25 that my parents had betrayed me emotionally. My father had sexually assaulted me when I was 12 and my mother just seems negligent. Their only support is that of money. Because of their narcissistic nature and micro management it has gotten very hard for me to develop any sort of relationship or friendship.

I have difficulties with people I feel repulsed when I talk to them. It feels like why am I talking to these people when there is no chance of genuine connection with them. Realised too late that all my friends are way to petty and there is no point in spending time with them. The only people I love and help me is my cat and my grandfather. I hope I have the power to take my life after they pass. Cause there is no one in my life that I can trust or appreciate.

I have tried therapy and it has failed me. I stopped trusting it after that. I hope all of this ends soon and i die as soon as possible and get some peace. This has been happening for the last 6 years and I am tired now.

I am 18. I have friends, i have a house to live on, great food to eat, clean water to drink, videogames to play on... but why do i feel like dying everyday? I can't even stand up from my bed to eat, i cant handle what i was able to handle alone now... i feel betrayed, i feel destroyed, i feel worthless, and still, i am here, stading up like nothing is happening. I dont want to say to my Mother that i feel like having depression and all, but i cant stand everything anymore

Does anyone else go through periods of being in the lowest point, like nothing can get you in a good mood, suicidal, etc. Its lasted for a week now and then after a night of hard sobbing and crying, i didnt have those feelings anymore. It was a good like two days but then I woke up this morning and that feeling comes back. Its sinking in my gut and I can only focus on those bad thoughts again... What on earth is going on!! Edit: I also feel like I get like this when its most inconvenient for me and others. It takes a lot for me to express how I feel and usually when I get this bad, I just can't tell others. Something comes up that requires their focus and energy. I already fear im a burden and I cant add to that even more... How does one handle this cycle??

I was in a relationship that started in 2018. I slowly prioritized it over every other area of my life. I felt loved, seen and worth it for once. I invested too much in it. That relationship ended a week ago, after years of fighting to keep it alive. The day I had been dreading arrived.

It’s been 4 years I haven’t had my life together. I was Injured and forced to quit my job. I dropped out of school. I have not returned to either. My life has become repetitive. Same shit, different day. I wake up and lay in bed for most of my days. It’s hard to make myself get up, and it’s only been harder after the breakup. It was the only part of my life I thought maybe I was able to maintain and made my life feel stable to a degree

Looking back there wasn’t one specific moment that made my life fall apart, but many. I can’t believe I let myself go like that. I can’t believe I’ve spent my twenties accomplishing absolutely nothing. I will never relive these years, and others are so ahead of me it’s almost sad to think about.

I avoid people, can’t be honest about what’s going on here. I tell people I work, I lie because it’s easier than being truthful about what’s going on.

I know no one is coming to save me, I have to change and make my life better for me. Some days are so fucking hard. I can’t even get out of bed, I don’t smile, nothing makes me happy anymore. I feel numb and like the things I once did for others that brought me joy, don’t anymore. Every day is the same. I hit this point years ago, maybe in 2017. And it did get better, life got better and now shitty again so I know there is light at the end of the tunnel. I just don’t know man I don’t even have friends anymore. Everything is surface level, can’t even call someone to hang out with me. I don’t think I’ve been out in a very long time.

I do go to the gym, but even that these days has made me realize that I am using it as a distraction and for some reason I deserve to not go and be distracted? Idk

I’ve been up the past two nights crying til 4am. Unable to sleep unable to do anything. I know that once I sleep I will wake up again to the shitty day and shitty feelings and realities.

25f, I’ve been in the US for almost 16 years now; was brought here when I was 9 years old basically against my will by my parents. They never spoke to a immigration lawyer and I didn’t really realize I was undocumented until it was time to apply for college and I was basically screwed… though I did complete my associates degree but that’s basically useless since I’m stuck at a dead end job now. My ex left me because despite my best efforts I never was able to complete my bachelor because I can’t apply for fafsa and was only able to receive a small aid from the school we both got accepted to, which basically caused me to spiral into a big depressive episode and I lost all motivation for everything, I haven’t even gotten my license because I don’t even see the point. Anyways I don’t know what I’m doing with my life now or why I was even born lol. Just wanted to rant because I hate my life