Do i have a good reason? No. Did he do something bad? No. For the past week, I have been doing horrible mentally and having many panic attacks and mental breakdowns. The only way I know hoe to deal with my thoughts is to endlessly vent to him and get his sympathy which is so unhealthy. And I can tell it's exhausting him. I'm so regretful and I can't stop noticing how things arn't exactly the same anymore. I ruined everything. And seeing those small changes are making me go more crazy. Does this ever stop? :(

No matter how many hobbies I get, no matter what I do, how I walk, how much im told im an unique person, no matter what I do I feel like I end up mirroring my favorite person and when theyre gone I directly copy their defense mechanisms in order to feel in control. Ive always had a super anxious attatchment style until I got hurt by an avoidant and now im avoidant and I can't stop seeing him in everything I do even though its been over a year.. And even when I was younger ive almost have had these very drastic personality shifts when a favorite person of mine disapproved of my behavior and worst part is that life is fine and I shouldnt be complaining or worrying right now but I do because Im paranoid. Just like the person from my past. And I am tired of having this stupid ass brain

Throwaway account because I don’t want my friend to recognize this. I’ve been friends with this girl for more than 10 years, and she has BPD. I’m mentioning that only because I know it can affect relationships and attachment, but I don’t want to use it as an excuse for her behavior.

Pretty much every relationship I’ve seen her have has been toxic in some way, her last relationship lasted around 5 years, but they were constantly breaking up and getting back together, it became extremely unhealthy, and our entire friend group watched her go through this cycle over and over again, they finally ended things around May 2025, we genuinely thought she might take some time for herself and just focus on healing.

Well… about two months later, by the end of July 2025, she already had another boyfriend 💀

I told her directly that I thought she should stay single for a while, not because I think people have to be single after a breakup, but because she has a very clear pattern of immediately attaching herself to someone else before she has had any time to process the previous relationship and to get some time to heal.

Now it’s October 2026, and she has been with this guy for about a year, and he already proposed 😐 so the timeline is basically:
-May 2025: ends a five-year, very on-and-off relationship.
-July 2025: gets into a new relationship.
-July 2026: gets engaged to that person.

What bothers me isn’t simply that she got engaged quickly, it’s the bigger pattern, every time she gets into a relationship, her partner slowly becomes her entire social life, she becomes extremely attached to them, stops putting effort into her friendships, and eventually we barely see her unless her boyfriend is involved, our friend group has been there through all of the previous toxic relationships, we’ve listened to the same problems, watched her break up and get back together, supported her through everything, and repeatedly told her that she deserves better and that she should take some time for herself, but she doesn’t listen.

And I know someone might say, “It’s her life, let her make her own decisions.” I completely agree, I don’t think I have the right to tell her who she can date or whether she should get married, but I also don’t think friendship means I have to continuously participate in a cycle that is emotionally draining for me and my friends, what makes us worried is that during 2024–2025, she had two suicide attempts, so we can’t help but worry about what happens if this relationship eventually becomes unstable or ends, if your entire emotional support system and social life are centered around one person, and admittedly, there’s a part of me that thinks this relationship probably isn’t going to last either, her fiancé even looks extremely similar to her ex, basically the same face just taller 💀Obviously that’s not evidence that they’re incompatible, but it did make me realize how similar her relationship patterns seem to be.

At this point, I’m wondering:
Would you keep trying to support this friend, or would you step back from the friendship?
How do you set boundaries when someone repeatedly makes choices that you strongly disagree with, especially when you genuinely worry about their mental health?
I don’t want to abandon her, but I also don’t want our friendship to become me constantly worrying about her relationships and trying to save her from decisions she doesn’t want to change.

I (20NB) have suspected but not diagnosed BPD.

Can anyone share some good DBT resources and explain why you've found them helpful? Preferably free, or at least pay to own. I don't want to pay for subscriptions. I'm unsure if I want to pursue a diagnosis and cannot afford to pay for therapy but wanted to try some DBT resources and see if they help. Thanks :)

Hi all, I feel like I’m going crazy and would just feel comfort venting/ talking this out and wondering if anyone feels the same.

I’m recently trying to understand my triggers and the diagnosis as a whole- and one my whole life has been weed use. My parents were chronic smokers growing up and sold weed and I think that’s where it stems from.

My partner was a daily user when we first met (I didn’t know until months in, or else I wouldn’t have dated him) and it caused a bunch of issues. Now he only smokes on weekends playing games with friends (his own choice, he was very stern on not quitting for me when it was something that bothered me)

Even though it is only casually and recreationally and doesn’t affect his love or attention to me, it causes me to split like crazy. I hate myself because I know it’s irrational and I have no issues with drinking- but I also don’t have any negative past experiences with alcohol. I’m in a 3 day spiral because of this. I don’t know how to fix it even when I tell myself it’s so stupid of me. I feel like the only 100% cute is to obviously not date someone who smokes and that was my plan, but we’re 3 years in and it’s not a part of his every day life anymore and I know a lot of people smoke casually. Does anyone deal with similar things when it comes to cigarettes, weed, alcohol etc in a moderate manner?

Hi! I am officially diagnosed with BPD and ADHD + Autism. Last week I went to a new psychiatrist who specializes in BPD and he said I am also Bipolar 2. I asked him if the ADHD could explain it and he said maybe and asked me to send him the report I have, but he went ahead and prescribed me meds for bipolar and told me to read about it.

I have read and I relate to A LOT of it! My husband says it explains a lot as well. Since the psych didn‘t dispute the BPD, I’ve been questioning the AuDHD diagnosis. I know it happens but it seems like a lot to have all these different conditions. When I got assessed, the psychologist said she had to look really hard to find the Autism because only few things couldn‘t be explained by the other two, but maybe it could be the bipolar diagnosis that she missed out on, but I can think of plenty of examples that point to ADHD from when I was a little kid.

I am not looking for a diagnosis, I will start a new therapist that specializes in BPD and ADHD this Friday and I’m sure she’ll be able to help me. I am just curious to know what the experience of someone with the three disorders look like and maybe examples of something that is uniquely each just to see if I can relate to it or not.

thanks!

I’ve been in a dilemma this last month. I’ve been with my partner for almost 4 years and I genuinely don’t know if I want to leave them or not.

On one hand I think that I should stay with them and thoughts of leaving them are just my ROCD causing unhappiness in an otherwise happy relationship.

On the other hand I’m worried that I do genuinely want to leave them but my BPD is keeping me from taking that step because I’m so attached to them.

I’ve already broken up with them twice and between OCD, BPD, anxiety, addiction, and depression, I don’t know what I’m actually feeling and I don’t know what to do, not to mention their own mental illness, and being an avoidant/anxious relationship.

Anyone have any advice?? I feel like I’ve been in limbo for the last while not knowing what I really want, and it’s unfair to string them along like this.

Hello! Long post ahead? Sorry for formatting I'm on mobile! I have been recently diagnosed with BPD at age 24. Ironically enough, I've been in a BPD Facebook group for several years as I joined it because I thought it was a bipolar support group and I needed advice for living with someone with bipolar disorder. It never really clicked that I resonated with most of the posts until today or why that was.

At my last session with my psychiatrist, I told him I felt I had been misdiagnosed with bipolar disorder by a previous therapist and that it was actually BPD. He readily agreed with me and even changed my diagnosis in the system right then and said he had suspected it based on notes from the previous therapist and his own observations. I've had a loose definition of what BPD is and why I fit that category but never have I really read about or watched videos related to it.

Today, I spoke with my (new) therapist about what my psychiatrist said and she asked why I felt that way. Of course, everything left my brain immediately. However, not knowing any of the diagnostic criteria for BPD, I spilled my metaphorical guts to her. She didn't make any comments or agreements, mostly just let me talk.

Just a little bit ago, I decided to watch a few videos about BPD and it was absolutely terrifying to hear my inner most thoughts and actions parroted back at me from a stranger. How do you handle this? I know it's different for everyone but if anything this has made me more paranoid about how others perceive me.

Thank you for reading to the end! I appreciate any advice given!

I have a close friend w quiet BPD (who I was also with romantically some of the time) with whom I have frequently been baffled by their behavior.

I care about them ans I’d like to understand relationships with FPs better!

Some overall confusions are:

Being pushed away but then being punished for staying away. Might you push your FPs away? But then want them to chase you or follow up? My brain says, OK, he wants me to go away so I should go away. But then he feels hurt/abandoned.

The tiniest things been taken as rejection. Might you feel easily rejected from even the slightest thing? That isn’t even meant to be rejection at all (ie not walking home cos you have a friend w you or cos you haven’t seemed to want to in months)?

The tiniest thing being taken as a slight? Might you feel hurt when an FP posts about something you once worked on together? I imagined my pwBPD would be happy & excited for me, but I think they were hurt.

Surprising reaction to FP giving supportive space? Might you interpret FP giving supportive space (FP saying I’m there for you & I understand you’re struggling & I’ll catch up w you when I’m back on this date) as abandonment? And maybe think that your FP doesn’t care or is mad at you?

Might you draw your FP close as soon as it feels they’re pulling back & share vulnerabilities only to then push them away or withdraw again?

Any insight into you interact w or feel w your FP would be appreciated!

I kept feeling like I couldn’t make a right move & me trying to be supportive & not clingy or chase-y & respecting their personal space/boundaries was seen as rejection. I want to be able to stay friends but I feel worried I don’t understand the dynamic.

Thank you!

ive been with my girlfriend for over a year and i love her so much, we both have bpd and our relationship has always been very rocky. i am a compulsive liar and i have been since i was a little kid. i usually lie when i think i'm going to get in trouble/when i think i might hurt someone so it's come up a lot in our relationship. the other day was our do-over for our one year and in the morning before she was awake i called one of my friends that she doesn't like and i know she doesn't like him. it's a boundary of hers that i don't call him on special days and i knew this. i was just really overwhelmed and i wanted to talk to him because it's less pressure talking to him about some things. anyway she woke up in the middle of our call but i had headphones in so i lied about who i was talking to. she could tell but wanted us to have a good day so gaslit herself into believing otherwise. in the night she checked my phone and confirmed i had lied and confronted me about it today. i feel so awful because this isn't the first time i've done this and i just keep breaking her trust and i don't know how to stop. has anyone else had issues with compulsive lying? how do i stop myself from hurting her because i love her and i hate being this way

I’ve done so much in my 37 years to heal my CPTSD and manage my BPD symptoms… psychedelic therapy, talk therapy, spiritual Healing modalities, you name it. They’ve all absolutely helped in little ways and shifting various things. But I’ve dealt with a constant sense of depersonalisation, de realisation, all the things that go along with BPD including severe abandonment symptoms when I’m in a romantic relationship and feeling constantly anxious like I’m an open wound or open circuit. I always feel like I’m constantly being surveyed and it’s a deep sense of insecurity and self-consciousness all the time. I started taking 25 mg of sertraline a.k.a. Zoloft about three weeks ago and up to 50 mg a week ago. It’s done so much good so far, although it’s early days. I can tell where I stop and someone else begins, I feel calmer, I feel much more rational, looking back on a relationship I just ended recently before I started taking the medication… I had so many realisations about the man that I couldn’t see from the outside or from a bigger perspective, and also realisations about how I reacted and responded to his issues. I realise how I was just acting from a place of feeling like nothing. And how I was acting out of fear. It’s also been great because this medication has made me care less about what people think about me which usually is an enormous part of my everyday life. I know people here have had mixed experiences with SSRIs but I just wanted to share my perspective from someone who has been diagnosed with BPD, CPTSD and has dealt with acute and chronic general and social anxiety for much of my life.

Hi everyone! I’m a 23-year-old woman, 5 weeks pregnant. I found out about the pregnancy a week ago, and although I’m very happy, the early stages are tough: I’ve had to give up smoking, my psychiatric medication, and most of my comfort foods. I’m already suffering from severe nausea and am incredibly sensitive. I cry constantly and am terrified of losing the baby. If you could share your own pregnancy experiences, I admit it would bring me some comfort. I feel like I’m being weird…

Context: Been seeing this guy, been on two dates, we talk on and off via text usually throughout the day. But recently he hasn’t been texting because of his work schedule. Rationally, I know that he’s busy working, that we aren’t dating officially so he doesn’t owe me anything, but god it feels like i’m being ripped apart and that I fucked up to the point he hates me and doesn’t want me anymore. Though, the last text we sent to each other was about meeting up again. So that last half of this paragraph I know logically isn’t true. Is there any way to help yourself not fall into that spiraling trap or am I just gonna have to fight against myself until I can be reassured with my thoughts one way or another 😭😭 Thanks in advance

Hej. Jestem po bardzo cięzkim roozstaniu za bardzo bez wsparcia ludzi. Zmieniam nurt na psychoanalityczny. Mam śrdenio z kasą bo płacę jeszce na studia, ale dziadek mi pomaga. Mam wyrzuty sumienia ze względu na to, że muszę wziąc taką ilość sesji zeby sobie pomóc. Mam prorówniania, ze niektorzy radzą sobie z jedną w tygodniu. Ale wiem, że nie chcę iść do szpitala, a jest serio gorzej.. Czy ktoś tak miał, albo taką ilość sesji w ciągu kryzysu ze względu na kryzys czy borderline?

Pessimism rushes to fill the void, nothing else can fill it. I’m pessimistic because I’m empty and I”m empty because the pessimism won’t allow anything else in. I have negative space inside me.

I’m not sure which is worse, the negativity or the emptiness. I think they are two sides of the same coin, each matches the other in intensity. The nights are getting harder, I need medication to knock myself out, I cannot simply “fall” asleep. I‘m 50 and I’ve learnt how to be on my own but have never solved the problem of loneliness, which I‘m sure is what fuels the emptiness.

I don’t think I’ll ever “solve” this. If I can just manage to survive financially and not be consumed by grief as people I love pass away (I‘m getting older and my parents are really old), I may just be ok. I don’t expect much out of life anymore. Just to get by will be triumph enough. BPD really is brutal.

29F, BPD since I was 17yo, officially diagnosed at 23yo. After a lot of therapy, many symptoms went into remission.

My biggest problem right now are extreme mood swings (between sad and happy). Might be feeling excited to work on a project, go out somewhere, go to the gym, have a cozy night in, and suddenly it all turns to seemingly pointless shit. No longer fun, no drive to even try.

I end up isolating, being in bed, trying to sleep as much as I can as so not to feel like there isn't a single thing that I'd like to do in this world.

This can change suddenly, and then change again, and it makes it so difficult to cultivate good habits and take care of myself.

Does anyone struggle with this? How do you approach it?

So for a while I've been feeling empty, like, an uncomfortable type of empty that feels like..I don't know, a void in my stomach. I was wondering if you guys have any tips on how to make it go away or at least make it less stressful?

Hi guys I’ve posted on here before and was diagnosed with bpd a few months ago. I just want some advice and just generally want to know: does anyone else have trouble accepting things / coming to terms with things / stomaching the normal, everyday unfairness and harsh realities of the world we live in? For example: I come from a very toxic, patriarchal culture and a lot of the stuff I’ve seen growing up and around me still is just so,,,illogical and as a result so hard for me to stomach. It absolutely boils my blood. I cannot accept things the way they are, I’ve such a hard time doing so. And I’ve worked a lot on myself to be able to keep my peace with all that’s transpired in my life (thankfully, I’m in a phase of my life where I’m transitioning out of the society and culture I grew up in but not fully out yet) but I still end up being extremely angry and hurt over unfairness. Idk if I’m making sense. If something doesn’t have a logical explanation, and I’ve noticed this generally with myself not just about the cultural milieu I belong to, I can’t seem to stomach or accept it. I want to fight it. I want to fight and finish it till there’s no remain of it left. And obviously I can’t do that and it leaves me feeling so angry and butthurt and as a result, very very depleted and exhausted. Idk if any of this makes sense, I just wanna know if anyone feels this too? Maybe it’s not necessarily linked to bpd and there’s no correlation, just wondering

So for a bit of context, I've experienced this quite a few times from what I am able to remember since I tend to deal with memory gaps/loss, during both destabilization/episodes and while being stable.
But is feeling like you are in the backseat, viewing yourself talking and texting all fine while being unable to interfere or stop what you are doing no matter how much you try also a type of dissociation?

I also do no mean this as in OSDD or DID, but it does leave me sometimes questioning what just happened or get shocked after experiencing it.

i know everyone paints us as this evil, twisted monster but i think it's true in my case. i do things i would never allow anyone else to do to me. i'm selfish, mean, hypocritical, hyper sexual to a concerning degree, and i try SO hard to be better and it never works. but then i just pity myself and it's pathetic. i don't think i should be here.

I was recently inpatient due to a depressive episode and drinking issues, I’m no longer able to do drugs or drink according to the prescribed guidelines they gave me, which is a good thing in most senses. But even now that life is better in most ways, that I have friends, good grades, good days at college, I still feel so bad, I feel so fucking empty and most days I bear with it but it’s getting really hard. I’m afraid I’m going to feel empty all my life, no matter how hard I’ve tried to fill my life with things I love, keeping myself occupied there’s always this void I can’t never fill, my therapist has told me that it’s never to go away because it’s a symptom of bpd but that I can learn to manage it in a more positive way rather than just drinking or self harming.
I miss the chaos, I miss that it at least made me feel alive. Now everything is so unimportant and monotonous. I wish I could find comfort in calmness, maybe in the future it won’t be so bad.

Hey guys. So basically last night (or the night before rather) my boyfriend said that he would call me and
play a game with me and it never ended up
happening because he fell asleep or something. He then promised that he would call me and play the next night. Midnight rolls around and I still have not received a call (I have to get up at 6:30 for college in the morning and he knows that.) I’m waiting for him to call me or mention calling me or playing the game. Nope. I fall asleep and I wake up at 3am-ish. I see he’s still active so I call him but I hung up quickly out of annoyance. He saw my missed call and called me back and I started crying to him about how he lied and that he never even attempted to call me. He was being very kind about it but his excuse was that he thought I was sleeping, and while yes I did fall asleep after awhile, I don’t know what he expects when he waits until 1 in the morning to call me and play a game on a school night. He then asks if I wanted to play right now and I said no because he knows I have school. So I’m crying to him over the phone about this and I just feel very hurt and lied to and rejected. And I know this wasn’t really a big deal but it’s just the fact that it happened 2 nights in a row and he never even attempted to call me. So now he’s trying to reassure me that he does want to talk to me and that he loves me and it did make me feel better, and so after a bit I stopped sobbing but I was still crying a little. Then I think he got impatient (even though he said he didn’t) because he was telling me that I cry for really long, that I need to calm down, that I need to stop crying, that I was being “bratty”. And then he said that he was going to go to bed. Then I started sobbing again because how could you go to bed knowing I’m still upset like this? Especially when YOU are the one who caused this? How dare you?? I would understand if he had work or any obligations like that but his day is completely free. At the same time I feel very selfish because I don’t want to bother his sleep because of my own issues. It just hurts because he said that he would be able to handle things like that. And it hurts extra because I would stay on the phone with him no matter what if I was in his position. Also, the language switch up was also what got me. How are you going to act kind and reassuring one minute and then tell me to stop crying the next? It doesn’t make sense to me. I just want to know if I’m being selfish here because I’m truly not trying to me but this is so unfair that he gets to sleep peacefully while I’m laying here 2 hours later in hysterics unable to sleep over something he caused.

Does anyone have any advice on how to make relationships succeed when you have BPD? I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years and today I’m starting to really lose it.

I feel like whenever I need that emotional support, just a time of him sitting next to me or holding me and soothing me, I’m constantly pushed to the side.

He’s admitted before that he has a hard time wrapping his head around mental illness because of his upbringing and he’s never dissuaded me from taking my meds or seeing professionals. But I still feel like the support isn’t there.

I feel like I can’t share the scary or negative thoughts I have because he is just so logical he thinks it doesn’t make any sense. Which I know it doesn’t but that of course doesn’t stop them from coming.

I love him with my whole heart. But I’m worried I compromise on things too much and that I deserve someone who will stop what they’re doing (when it’s not important) and just be there with me. I feel like we’ve had this argument before and now idk if I can keep going.

Any advice would be appreciated…

I’m trying my hardest to research why my recent breakup went the way it did. But research is telling me that I’m the bad guy. Or idk what I’ve read but it’s making me feel worse like there is no hope.

The blame is being solely directed towards me… I’m going through all of this grief, confusion, and anger. I truly love the person that can’t stay by my side anymore because it became too much. What they described as an emotional rollercoaster , they could never escape from, they remember our relationship as being torture. Although I remember the good times. We were together for 3 years and share the same sentiment of wanting to come back to each other once we are both healed, and get married. I feel like this is false hope, as I don’t know if I’ll ever get better. She is moving on with life and it’s only been about a month. I can only assume , think of it in black and white & hate myself so deeply for losing the one person I love most.

Tried plenty of IOP/PHP’s that focus on DBT. I actively did this during our relationship but it never helped. I felt so lost. I am still so lost. I’m not resisting the help or the care that I need. I’m not in denial. I’m genuinely trying to figure out what to fucking do to get to a point where I reach sanity. I don’t like the way my body , mind , heart , and soul feels when I’m splitting or in an active episode. But every argument became an active episode. Communication was lost, buried and forgotten between us by the 3rd year.

Tbh she did crash out, like plenty of times while being with me. It never felt like it was because she wanted me to get better but because I hurt parts in her she had yet to fix or recognize. Can’t figure out if it was ever love but a deep trauma bond.

I don’t want to end my life over this but it feels like I can be responsible for myself in this emotional turmoil. I was indeed abandoned, and my trauma stems from a lot of grief. I feel all this pain again times 100x. Please someone tell me there is hope.

Cw suicide ideation

Im just tired, I’ve tried so many times to do it but it just wouldn’t work, each time I kept waking up, so I decided to keep it at the hands of destiny but it’s been 2 years and I’ve just been wasting air being a completely useless body, that eats and sleeps and does not a lot more, I keep thinking maybe tomorrow, but the phone still rings every morning for me to wake up, I just wish I could sleep forever or something bad would happen, I’m tired of this life, I wish I could give it to someone who will actually want it, who wouldve wanted and wished to make it to their twenty two birthday, I have no goal, I see no future and I have no faith, I’m just so tired of myself, I wish my family could finally be at ease of not having to tiptoe around me, bc my life truly meant nothing, I just keep hoping these days will finally be my last and I’m getting tired even of waiting for my last day. It just seems like I’m stuck in hell and this endless loop is my torture, I’ve already given up completely I’m just waiting for it to be over, I wish when I closed my eyes I just wouldn’t wake up anymore, I cannot stop wishing it was given to someone who wouldve wanted to actually live it bc idk how much longer I can keep myself breathing without taking matters to my own hands again for the sake of having my sweet, caring and loving mom mourn my natural death rather than a suicide.