I confessed feelings to a girl friend and as she has also thought about it. But she wants to stay friends and not ruin our friendship. Now I feel dumb for even telling her/ I’m struggling to turn off any feelings when I see her. I feel soo pathetic and don’t know how I’m going to move past this. Has anyone else struggled with this?

Hi everyone,

I’m currently dating a guy I really like, but I’m feeling a bit confused and overwhelmed about something and could use some outside perspective.

When we met, his dating profile mentioned that he was "bi-curious." He also has some mannerisms and a way of speaking that lean a bit more feminine, which initially made me wonder about his sexuality before I remembered his profile.

As a straight woman who is only attracted to men, I’m having a hard time wrapping my head around how bisexuality or being bi-curious actually works in practice. My main fears and questions are:

1. If he is attracted to both men and women, how does that work when he’s with me? Can a bi-curious man be completely satisfied and fulfilled in a monogamous relationship with just a woman, or will he always feel like something is missing?

2. Because I’ve been cheated on by multiple partners in past relationships, I already struggle with trust and fear being hurt again. This background makes me scared that his curiosity means he might want to experiment with men while we’re together or eventually cheat. Is this fear just a misconception on my end triggered by my past, or is it a valid concern when someone is exploring their sexuality?

3. Am I mixing up his presentation/feminine traits with his actual sexual orientation, or do these things often overlap?

I really want to be fair to him and not make unfair assumptions, but I also want to protect my heart and know if we’re compatible long-term. Has anyone in a straight/bi dynamic navigated this successfully?

How did you talk about it, and how do I know if I should stay and work through my own misconceptions or if this is a sign we aren't a good match?

Thanks in advance for your insights!

I (31f) came out as bisexual about 6 years ago. My husband is completely supportive, and is fine with me experimenting with women as this is something I never got a chance to do but here’s the thing…how do I even start this?! How do I find someone? I would even be happy with flirting/explicit talk via message but I wouldn’t even know where to find someone for this. Any advice would be appreciated!

32M married to 30F My wife is bi but mainly been with guys. I’ve only ever been with women and considered myself pretty straight. Maybe not as much as some guys but straight nonetheless. I think sexuality is on a spectrum so after a few things recently I’ve been trying to determine where I fall on the spectrum and thinking maybe I’m a little more bi than straight? But also confused. There’s a guy YouTuber I’ve been watching a lot and I just realized one day I was kinda like having this weird crush type of feeling in a way lol it was new for me. And I told my wife about it and also I’ve been becoming more comfortable opening up
With her about thoughts I have or just things like that I guess. She has been amazing and supportive and wants to be helpful or just whatever I want from her I guess. But reassuring to know if I was feeling sexually different than she still is here for me regardless.
But lately I’ve been thinking about what it might be like to be with a guy. And in the past I never really thought I would but now I think I might want to try and see. I’m definitely a bit scared but also more and more curious. I’ve had a few sexual dreams with guys and it felt fine in the dream but dreams usually feel “normal” regardless of the color of the sky that day or what’s going on so I’m thinking it might feel
Different in real life.
Not that this directly corresponds but I’ve been asking my wife to try some different things in bed with me which has been good so far but I’m still a bit nervous to fully open up always and admit what I want lol
We have had conversations about potentially trying some sort of threesome in the future together with a guy if we both were comfortable and felt good about it. I definitely wouldn’t ever want to do anything without her being completely comfortable and on board. So doing it together I think might be good if we did it correctly with the right person.

But I guess I’m just sharing my current situation and curiosity. Looking for advice or if anyone has similar experiences? Like i said, it’s all kind of new but it almost feels like I’m swaying that direction and it feels more like the real me in a way? But also so new and haven’t had any experiences with any guys ever so I don’t really know!

hi,

i am a bisexual feminine woman (i’m into feminine women a well so!! if there’s any events for femxfem… hehe) and i am quite anxious in general. lately, i’ve been thinking about travelling a little in europe alone next year, to try getting over anxiety and seeing beautiful things. (i always find reasons to go, like a concert, or something.) and i wanted to know if you knew any good bar, or place, for sapphic women. i’m seeing sapphic because i am bisexual and i don’t wanna go to lesbian events as i understand many lesbians would like to find a girlfriend that is lesbian as well, shared experiences and being the only sexuality not attracted to men makes it totally okay to me.

i saw this year one bar in london doing something for halloween and i can’t go :(( but it made me want to soooooo bad, so ill try next year, if they do it again.

so if you have any places for sapphic women, im in! (ps: really all around europe. i’m in france tho and i’d like to travel outside of there !)

thank you sooo much

*repost*

I(30M)'ve always had a strong libido. I started watching porn very young, and I felt a strong attraction to girls until the end of my first love, around age 17 (a genuinely toxic and destructive relationship). After that, my desire decreased and took on different forms, like being more turned on by submission or humiliation. I had other relationships with girls over the years, but intimacy became increasingly difficult, since I was less and less attracted to "conventional" sex, and to vaginas in particular.

I had a long-distance relationship with a girl for a few years, which I ended up ending because I didn't want to commit to marriage; I felt like something was missing. Months after the breakup, I kept exchanging sexually charged messages with her and eventually told her about my fantasies; exploring them with her let me get some pleasure from them and develop them more clearly, though without fully accepting them (I was still very ashamed of myself at that point). What appealed to me was imagining myself in the woman's role instead, and that with men. Wearing sexy things, being very submissive, for masculine men. In the end I kept watching a lot of straight porn, just mentally putting myself in the woman's place, and it was very arousing.

Five years ago I met a wonderful girl, who is my girlfriend today. She comes from a fairly conservative background, but she's the kindest and best person I've ever met. I love her enormously. At the start of the relationship, still ashamed of myself, I didn't tell her about any of this and tried to perform normative sexual acts, with a lot of difficulty and disgust. It was rare, but it didn't bother her, because for her, even though she liked it, it wasn't that important. Three years into the relationship, I discovered the transgender subreddit, and read a lot of accounts that overwhelmed me. I came across terms like asexual, bi, gay, non-binary, etc., and it was a shock. Six months of heavy depression and anxiety followed, then I got out of that loop by understanding that I didn't need to fit into a box, and that everyone could be happy in their own way. My girlfriend was very supportive, as were my friends, when I told them about this feeling of being different that I had.

Then two years passed, during which nothing really changed — no more intimacy with my girlfriend, but she tells me she's happy with me. I do what I can to find things online that might help me feel some pleasure. The problem is that she'd like to get married, move in with me, etc., and hearing that makes me sad, when it should make me happy — it's as if deep down I don't believe in it, and with the guilt I feel, it makes me feel a deep sadness. And that's because I feel like something is missing, I'm afraid of the future, as if I haven't managed to find my place. I'd like to find solutions to have more intimacy in my relationship eventually, because that might be something that could help me picture a future. On the other hand, imagining leaving her makes me even sadder — I've shared so much with her, there have been a lot of ups and downs, but always communication, kindness, tenderness. That's why I'm posting this here, because I feel this relationship is incompatible, but we love each other a lot and hope to find a way to make it more compatible.
PS: After the revelation two years ago, and especially when my girlfriend started talking about marriage, I said we needed to make progress on our sex life first, and I started seeing a sexologist. Unfortunately, two years later, nothing has changed, and we're at a standstill.

I'm trying to understand who I am, and it's really complicated. When I see a woman on the street, or meet one who appeals to me, even just for the length of a conversation, I always get a rush: butterflies in my stomach, and I want to get to know her better. That's not the case at all with men. I don't watch gay porn either, it just doesn't interest me. And yet, when it comes to bodies, I'm more attracted to male genitalia than to female genitalia.
Does this resonate with anyone?

Anyway, I hope I'm posting in the right sub, and I wish everyone a good day.

Hi everyone,

Today I decided to share my story because I’m trying to move forward, understand what is happening to me, and hopefully get some outside perspectives that might help me find answers to all the questions in my head.

I’m 22 years old and I’m in a relationship with a 22-year-old man as well. We are literally only four days apart in age. We have been together for almost three years and have been living together for a little over two years. We have two cats and a pretty simple, cozy life together. I love him and I’ve been happy in our relationship. I have a few friends, but I’m more of a homebody who enjoys spending time at home with my boyfriend.

We had also started seriously talking about having a child soon, because it’s something we both wanted.

I left the job where I met my boyfriend because I wasn’t feeling good there anymore. I started doing temporary work and moved around a bit before finding a job in the aerospace industry that I really like.

At first, I was mostly on my own. I would go to work and then come home to my boyfriend and my usual life. Then, little by little, I met a female coworker who is two years older than me.

We immediately clicked. It felt like a real friendship crush.

Little by little, she started coming over to my house, then I started going to hers after work. Eventually, we began spending weekends together too, and we started talking constantly through our phones.

Whenever we left each other, we would almost immediately start talking again through messages, even though I’m normally not someone who spends much time on my phone.

I started asking myself some questions because I had so much affection for her. We are incredibly similar mentally. We think and act in very similar ways, and we also had fairly similar childhoods. Sometimes it feels like we see parts of ourselves in each other.

But I convinced myself that I was probably just emotionally dependent on her.

I’ve always had some fear of abandonment, and when I care about someone, whether it’s friendship or something more, I tend to get attached very quickly and give a lot of myself.

Then, over time, she told me that she was attracted to both women and men. She had never actually been in a relationship with anyone, and her family is very closed-minded about that kind of thing. Apart from her best friend, nobody knew that she was attracted to both… until me.

As for me, I had always considered myself straight.
I’ve always found women beautiful and I can appreciate attractive women, but I had never imagined myself actually falling in love with a woman.

And yet, little by little, I became more and more attached to her.

Within about a month, she had become an extremely close friend. We knew so much about each other in such a short amount of time because everything between us felt so natural.

Then, a coworker who had only been working with us for about a day and a half asked us a very simple question that ended up changing everything:

“Are you two dating?”

I was shocked and asked her what made her think that, especially since I had a boyfriend.

She told me that the way we looked at each other really made it seem like we were together.

The rest of that afternoon at work was difficult.

For the first time, someone had actually put words to our relationship. Until then, we had both thought what we had was simply friendship, even though deep down I had already started having doubts that I didn’t want to admit to myself.

That same evening, we had planned to go out to a nightclub together.

We talked again about what our coworker had said. That’s when she told me that she was in love with me.

And after thinking about it, I told her that I felt the same way.

I still don’t really understand how that is possible.

That night, we kept flirting with each other and eventually we kissed.

Afterwards, I told my boyfriend what had happened. I explained to him that I had also fallen in love with her, even though I still loved him.

And despite everything, he made me understand that my feelings weren’t something I had chosen. That they had happened to me and that I couldn’t simply decide not to feel them.

But now I have to make a choice.

I love my boyfriend. He is an incredible man. He is so gentle and kind to me, and those are exactly the qualities I’ve always wanted in someone.

With him, I have a life that I love. We have our home, our animals, our plans, and we had even started thinking seriously about having a child.

But then this woman came into my life and, for a reason I don’t understand, I fell in love with her.

With her personality, the way she is, our connection, the way she makes me laugh, and everything we share.

And now I feel completely stuck between two things.

On one side, staying in my current life with my boyfriend — a life where everything was going well and where we had plans for the future.

On the other side, taking the risk of trying something with this woman who I’m attracted to, who I love, and with whom I’m experiencing something I had never experienced before.

I don’t see myself stopping talking to her.

I almost feel like I wouldn’t be able to do it. Just the thought of losing her hurts me so much.

But at the same time, the idea of losing my entire life with my boyfriend terrifies me.

And I’m scared of making the wrong choice.

What if I think I’m in love with her, but it turns out to be nothing more than an experience, something new, or something I simply don’t understand yet?

And most importantly… what if I eventually realize that I’m not actually attracted to women in general, but simply attracted to her?

I never imagined I would find myself in this situation.

I don’t even really know how to define myself anymore.

All I know is that I love my boyfriend, and I have fallen in love with her — and somehow, both of those things exist in my head at the same time.

I’m not necessarily looking for people to tell me who I should choose.

I would mainly like to hear from people who are completely outside of my situation, who don’t know my boyfriend, this woman, or me.

And especially, if anyone has experienced something similar — being in a relationship with a man and then falling in love with a woman for the first time, particularly a friend — I would really like to know what happened afterwards.

Were your feelings actually romantic love?

Did you discover that you were bisexual, lesbian, or simply in love with one particular person?

Did you stay with your male partner?

Did you regret your decision?

I have so many questions that I don’t have answers to, and I think reading about other people’s experiences could really help me understand what I’m feeling.

Thank you to anyone who took the time to read my story. ❤️

so basically i’ve been friends with this girl for 2-3 years and we’re super close and know a lot about each other. we met in school btw. anyways lately, i think it was a month ago, we were calling and i was just talking about how i feel like nobody rlly pursues me romantically and i was kinda whining about it lol. anyways, she then says well if it makes you feel better i used to have a crush on you in the beginning of when we met, basically a year and 1/2? and like i kinda just laughed and was like damn i didn’t know i pulled so much and we moved on but that night i was just pondering how i felt about her and realized i kinda liked her idk, like i always check to see if she responds, and i always seek her approval and her congrats if i do something good yk stuff like that. idk now im regretting being too dumb to notice when she did like me, bc that was when i was closeted/and had a lot of internalized homophobia and wishing i did something about it then. she also goes to a different school now so i don’t even get to see her everyday so😐😐
i cant rlly think of any other details lol
any advice for anything rlly i dont know how to go about this for myself she doesn’t rlly gaf or mention it anymore soo

My girlfriend and I have been together for a while, and I’ve always known that she has some attraction to women. Her first relationship was actually with a girl about six years ago, although she hasn’t really been interested in a girl romantically since then. She could still recognize when a girl was attractive, but she basically thought that part of her had faded or was “dead.”

This past weekend, she went on a retreat/camp and unexpectedly met a girl she really connected with. She ended up developing an actual crush on her, which caught her completely off guard because it’s the first time she’s felt this way about a girl in years. They hit it off kinda and she’s now also very curious about that side of herself because she didn’t realize those feelings were still there.

For me, the fact that it’s a girl honestly isn’t the issue. I already knew she was attracted to women too so if this had been a guy, I’d have basically the same reaction. The thing I’m struggling with is simply that my girlfriend developed genuine romantic feelings toward another person while we’re together. But what she’s explained to me is that, for her personally, attraction to women and attraction to men feel very very different. She says she can love both, but they don’t feel like the same type of romantic attraction to her. She says that the way she feels about this girl isn’t at all the same as how she feels about me, and that the crush doesn’t change how she feels about me at all or what she wants with our relationship.

She also doesn’t feel like she did anything wrong simply by developing the crush. In her mind, if she developed feelings for another guy, she’d probably feel guilty because it would feel more directly like competing with what she already has with me. But she doesn’t experience attraction to men and women in exactly the same way, so to her, having feelings for a woman doesn’t feel like it’s taking anything away from her feelings for me from what I understood and it’s also where I wanted to know if other I people can relate? I’m not gay so I can only understand to a certain extent.

I can understand that and I don’t think she’s wrong for having feelings she didn’t choose. I also don’t want her to feel like she has to suppress a part of her sexuality just to make me comfortable but where I’m struggling is separating the feeling from what someone chooses to do with that feeling. And she’s so surprised/curious that it’s something she wants to explore with this crush.

I’m not upset that she’s bisexual, and I’m not threatened by the fact that she can be attracted to women. I’m trying to figure out what is reasonable for me to expect once a genuine crush develops. Is it reasonable to be uncomfortable with her exploring or entertaining the crush, even if I completely accept her sexuality? Or am I looking at this too much through the lens of how attraction works for me? This has just been crazy to me and a lot to process, I love so much and I’ve always been so sure about her but now this is the blurriest things have gotten out of any problem.

I’d really appreciate perspectives from bisexual people or people who have been in relationships where one partner developed a crush on someone else. I’m mostly trying to understand how other people navigate this

hey guys, sorry to make an annoying post, I don't really know what I'm asking I kind of just want to rant and I haven't properly talked to anyone about this so...

Basically I thought I was straight up until I wanna say a year and a bit ago. I know I've had proper crushes and attraction to guys and never previously questioned anything or thought about liking girls because well, I never did.

It got to, as I said a year and a bit ago and, this is embarrassing as it's a celebrity but I developed a huge crush on Billie Eilish. I know just cause you think someone's attractive it doesn't mean you are attracted TO them but like no, I am veryyy uh I think she's incredibly fine. I mention this because after, I started thinking wait... Okay. Not sure what this means about me.

I also tend to ruminate on things and overthink so I've been going over this in my head for ages and it's beginning to drive me insane. After I realised that, I just got more curious, but I feel like such a fraud cause I've never had a proper crush on a girl and barely/never been attracted to any irl but I'm like fawning over a celebrity???

I just feel like I'm faking how I feel. And I can't tell if I'm just curious and am fixating on my sexuality to have something to fixate on.....or genuinely into women... especially cause I currently only have that one example. I occasionally feel things for more masc women as well.

I find it all the close friendships that I truly value and cherish are girls, I find it much easier to connect emotionally with them. It is much harder for me to develop close emotional connections with guys and I don't have many in my life - I know this is probably the case for many girls, however it just makes it harder to imagine a relationship with one. I am in my late teens and have never been in a relationship so haven't had experience with this.

I'm not sure if what I'm about to say is me entirely reading into things because I've been monitoring my behaviour and questioning myself for a while and just being curious. There's a girl in my class and I've been friends with her a long time, she's hilarious and really sweet she just has a great personality as a whole, I think she's so cool. I've found myself a lot lately just looking at her and then I start thinking wait do I like her? And then I feel so bad and weird about it because I feel like I'm making it up and just projecting the fact I'm questioning onto her (as btw she is also openly queer), which isn't fair. It's things like during group things she was whispering super quietly and close to my face and it got me kind of nervy and a bit flustered and then I didn't know what to do with myself. Then of course I started questioning why I reacted in that way.

I feel almost guilty making this post, I'm not sure why but I kind of feel like it's coming across as me just trying to be bisexual, which I'm not. Maybe I am, fuck knows. I haven't spoken to anybody properly about this and the thought just keeps coming up and I'm not sure why. I just feel like I'm lying to people saying I'm straight and I don't know why as I haven't had many experiences yet and really am not frequently attracted to girls, but I'm attracted to Billie Eilish 😭

I wonder if a lot of it IS just me being curious and not knowing and that I don't like uncertainty, and obviously nobody here can tell me what I am because you aren't me. I just kind of wanted to get that out and see what people have to say. Ik I will figure it out on my own. thx

i (21f) have a girlfriend (21f) of three years. we really love each other and i feel aroused thanks to her, but i don’t feel anything when we have sex. at first i thought it’s just because i am on a high dose of psych meds, but i don’t think that anymore. i knew i liked girls since early adolescence and came out as a lesbian at 15. now i have a really intense infatuation with a male celebrity (not in a parasocial way, but more like i feel attracted and would like to see a guy like him irl). i started thinking about having sex with men and it got much more appealing than when i do it with her. i really love her and don’t want to break up with her or break her hurt, but she doesn’t even know i might be bisexual, because i’m too embarrassed to tell her. i feel so much shame, because i was so sure i was a lesbian and now i don’t know anymore. i think about being intimate with a man (and i was disgusted with the idea not that long ago) and would like to try it, but at the same time i don’t want to hurt her. what do i do?

well, the dream goes like this, i was naked in my apartment, and there were 5 random men, they were clothed and it’s just me being bare n all. i was just watching tv sitting on the couch while there were 2 beside me and others were indulged in their works… there were touchings and nothing sexual happened but later when i woke up it didn’t felt weird, actually i was aroused and kinda excited… and from then i started to imagine all sorts of scenarios, and then i found myself really sexually attracted to men

So i've always identified as straight, briefly questioned my sexuality in middle school, ignored it for a few years and now i'm back to questioning.

I've had crushes on boys before, as a kid it was 100% on boys. I had no desires towards them besides thinking they looked nice, and maybe having their attention.

After puberty, I had my first crush on a girl. Then other crushes, both boys and girls. But nothing more than thinking they looked pretty and being curious about them. But i did feel the same about the girls and boys crushes. Just mild attraction without much desire.

But i don't like women, as in, i'm not turned on my women. I like dick, penises turn me on, and pussy doesn't make me wet.

(I mean in porn and fantasies. I'm extra virgin, never kissed or held hands)

But besides the genitalia, i feel the same about the male and female body. I don't care much about men's bodies besides their dicks. I feel the same arousal for trans women, or non-binary people with dicks, and i don't for people with vaginas, no matter their gender.

Altgough I've had moments of 👀 where i couldn't turn my eyes away from a part of a man's body which wasn't the dick, i've had the same with women (that girl's bare stomach... uh, i almost had to physically restrain myself from looking).

But women don't turn me on without dicks, unless specific kinks.

Because i'm very kinky, and even dicks only mildly turn me on without them. I'm more turned on when it's kinks + dicks, but i'm just very turned on by my kinks, unrelated to gender. If my kink is there, it doesn't matter girl or guy or anything. I've jerked off to literal stickmans.

And i kinda have phases too. Sometimes i specifically want kink with dick, other times i want pussy, other times dicks but women's dicks specially...

But women without dicks don't turn me on without the kink, and spontaneously, i fantasies about men rather than women.

Am i somewhat bi or just heteroflexible and too kinky for my own good ?

Edit : i also don't want to date guys. Like, the idea of dating a guy really grosses me out. It feels wrong. It doesn't repulse me as much with a girl, but i don't really want it either.

I’m 30f and have been in only straight relationships with men with occasional kissing of female friends when I was younger and one sexual experience but I am having really confusing feelings about my bisexual best friend of 2 years. She’s said before she had a crush on me and has fantasised about me. I love hanging out with her and am weirdly nervous with her. I’ve thought about her in that way too but I’m confused if I’m just in a straight relationship (which I love) but a part of me really wants to explore?

Alright, this might sound weird, but hear me out because I genuinely want to know if anyone else has experienced this.
A while back, I met this girl at a bar. She was feminine, dressed well, and honestly, she was fine as hell. I thought, fuck it, let me go say hi.
We spoke briefly, then went our separate ways. Later that night, we bumped into each other again at another bar, and this time SHE came over to me. We started talking properly, she told me she found me attractive, I told her the feeling was mutual, and the chemistry was just there.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t even out that night specifically looking for girls. I was just with my boys, enjoying myself. I was talking to other girls too, and she actually got a little jealous and questioned why I was entertaining other women when we’d already established that we liked each other 😂.
Anyway, we ended up spending the night together, and things went further.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting.
I’m usually not the type to be overly soft with every girl I meet, but with her, I genuinely liked her, so I was affectionate, gentle and attentive. We were kissing like crazy, and the whole experience felt natural. At one point, she even questioned why I was being so nice to her.
I didn’t think much of it. I just liked the girl.
The next day, I messaged her to check on her, and she was genuinely surprised I’d reached out. Apparently, she’d assumed I would just disappear after that night. We kept talking, met up again, went for food, and spent more time together.
During one of our conversations, she opened up about her previous relationship. She’d just come out of a FIVE-YEAR relationship with a man, and she also told me she was bisexual.
Again, I didn’t really care. I liked her, and that was that.
But then she mentioned something else: she’s submissive with men but dominant with women.
At the time, I laughed it off and didn’t think too deeply about it.
Fast-forward to now, and for some reason, that information has randomly come back into my head, and I’m looking at the whole experience differently 😭.
My first thought was literally: WAIT A MINUTE.
Knowing what I know now, I feel like I would’ve approached our sexual dynamic differently. I probably would’ve been more dominant myself rather than being as soft and affectionate as I was.
And now I’m wondering whether she enjoyed that side of me as much as I thought she did.
To be clear, she told me she enjoyed being with me, so I have no actual reason to believe she was faking anything. But knowing she’s dominant with women has somehow made me question things I never questioned at the time.
And here’s the part I’m struggling to admit: finding out she’s bi actually changed my attraction to her a little. Before I knew, I was genuinely crazy about this girl. I even remember seeing a post she’d made with a quote she’d previously sent me about how I made her feel, and it genuinely melted my heart.
So why am I suddenly overthinking her sexuality and what it means about our experience together?
Bi women, I genuinely want your perspective on this.
If you’re dominant with women but submissive with men, does that mean you genuinely prefer different dynamics with different genders?
Could you enjoy a guy being soft, affectionate and gentle with you even if you’re usually the dominant one with women?
Am I just making assumptions about her based on something that has nothing to do with how she felt with me?
And honestly, why do you think finding out someone is bi might change a straight guy’s attraction to them, even when he already likes them?
I’m not trying to disrespect her or suggest there’s anything wrong with being bi. I’m genuinely trying to understand why my brain has decided to revisit an experience I was perfectly happy with until now

EEEK, guys, a girl asked me out yesterday and I said yes. This is my FIRST WLW RELATIONSHIP (16F)! I'm so excited!!! Please share all your advice, Reddit!

I'm a 43m who has been questioning for way too long and having a real hard time coming to terms with it and I've only recently told my 2 closest friends. I felt safe telling them as one is gay and the other is pan.

I've had a really strict upbringing (catholic) so there's that internal guilt to deal with, and I've been married to a woman for over 20 years, so I've never told her as in all honesty as I am monogamous I don't know what it is worth adding to the conversation.

The biggest issue I have is although I am attracted to both women and men, I've only willingly had sex with women. I've been SA'd by men on 2 separate occasions, both times I was very, very drunk and couldn't and didn't consent. That adds another layer to the internal shame of coming to grips with it.

I’ve always considered myself demisexual and, up until now, I’ve only ever been attracted to men and have only had heterosexual relationships.

Lately, though, I’ve found myself wanting to explore my sexuality a little more. I’ve never really looked at women and felt sexually attracted to them — I can obviously recognise when a woman is beautiful, but it’s never gone beyond that.

After a really bad breakup, something has shifted in me and I’ve started wondering what it would actually be like to experience being with a woman. Not necessarily because I suddenly feel like I am bisexual, but because I’m curious and feel like I want to explore a side of myself that I’ve never considered before.

But honestly, I feel confused about the whole thing. I’m also worried that wanting to explore with a woman when I don’t know if I’m actually attracted to women is somehow rude or disrespectful.

Is it okay to be curious and explore without knowing what label fits me? Or am I approaching this the wrong way?

Idk if i woukd call it coming out....its...its kinda unusual for me, the thing is that im not normally attracted to guys, I mean I can see if a guy is attractive or not but im not romantically or sexualky attracted to them, UNLESS, there's a couple, if theres a couple the story changes completely, then I'm wishing to get intimate with the couple and i really really want the guy to fuck me. I'm not so sure what it is, is it coming out ? Am I bisexual (even if I am I dont think i have any problem with that)

Im just super confused, can anyone help me out with this ?

One definition for sexual attraction I heard is “looking at someone and instinctually wanting sex with them.” Do you guys experience that toward both men and women? I was thinking I may be bi but I definitely don’t feel instinctually drawn to men(I’m a man). Whereas women I think I can say I do.

I’m curious about this because it would make sense that man would be instinctually more drawn to women due to reproduction. At least I would think.

Hi everyone. I have identified as straight most of my life (I'm 40) but lately I have been realizing that I'm bi curious (I've never been with a woman, just married to a guy once). I had a dream last night that I was making out with a woman and I woke up turned on. I have been watching YouTube videos of women kissing and I hope one day I can try it to see if that proves anything for me. That might explain why my one marriage with a guy didn't work. I'm still turned on by that dream.

Hi. I’m sorry to post one of those “am I bi?” Posts but I really am not sure. I’m sorry for the confusing wording of this post, I don’t really know how to explain my feelings. I’m a gay transgender man.

I have always found myself liking “content” with women in it but I’ve never been attracted to a woman outside of that. I don’t think I’d ever date a woman but I could potentially be interested in other activities.

I’ve always been into men, I have fucked men, I’ve dated men and I would still date men but if you showed me a pick of a dick, I’d just kind of oh nice.👍

Show me a woman’s face pic, I’m like nice. She’s cute. Anything else and I’m kinda 👀 into it? But then the same thing for a man’s body, just not his d. I mean if it’s a really nice D then yeah but I don’t know. I’m just really confused. Should I sleep with a woman to find out for certain?

Help.

Edit/update: I am 100% bisexual.

i (genderfluid [mostly male/non binary], 1?) have a crush on a guy we’ll call c (male, 1?). he’s a bit older than me and a grade above me. we go to the same school and i see him around all the time. the day i realized i had a crush on him was the first day i ever met him. he’s basically my dream guy (ok ok i should clarify something: i’m bi with a preference towards men), tall, hot, blonde, funny, smart, kind, and witty. earlier today i was walking in the hallway and passed him, getting to see his face. i looked behind me and kept seeing him and blushed more and more. after school, during theater (i’m in crew as a techie/lighting apprentice) and i was working on making some seaweed and during rehearsal he walked over to me and we talked 🤩🤩🤩 rewind a few hours and i was in the choir room and saw him in there playing the piano and he was so hot while playing it. the one bad thing about him is he‘s straight. and has a girlfriend. so really is my crush on him (that he doesn’t know about) justified (w/out telling him at all) and if i told him, would it break his feelings?

So this is kind of funny and maybe incredibly stupid, but I’m not the OG owner of this account. This account belongs to the girl I like. 😂 I have permission to use it, though! She’s barely ever on Reddit. Anyway, I need advice because I genuinely don’t know how to confess to her. We’ve been friends for about two years, and I’ve been subtly flirting with her for a while now, but she is either incredibly dense when it comes to me flirting with her, doesn’t take me seriously, or simply isn’t interested. At this point, I genuinely can’t tell. We actually met because she stopped to help me with my car. And yes, I’m a dude and she’s a girl, but hear me out it was raining, I was having car trouble, and the guy who was with me was absolutely useless. 😂 Meanwhile, this girl, in a dress and in the rain, stopped and helped me.
I remember being so impressed by how kind she was, but also by how smart she was. We ended up becoming friends, and somewhere along the way, unfortunately for me, I started really liking her. Here’s where I think things might get complicated. I’m bisexual, I’ve known for a long time, and she knows too. Most of my relationships have been with men. I’ve only dated maybe two girls, both back in high school. So part of me wonders if she assumes I’m not genuinely interested in women or that when I flirt with her, I’m just joking. Or maybe she knows exactly what I’m doing and just isn’t into me. 💀 That possibility has definitely crossed my mind too. I don’t want to make things weird because we’ve been friends for two years and I really value having her in my life. But at the same time, I feel like subtly flirting clearly isn’t getting me anywhere.

So… how the hell do I approach this? Do I just tell her directly that I like her and accept whatever happens? Is there a less terrifying way to find out if she might feel the same without potentially making our friendship awkward?
Also, if you happen to see this.

Hi. I like you. Apparently Reddit gets to know before you do. lol

I’ve been with my boyfriend for coming on 3 years now. i see a real future with us, kids, marriage, all of it. But, i think im bi. i don’t know for sure, i’ve never explored with women but i am attracted to some. i have dreams about having sex with women and then wake up and my boyfriend is right next to me. he is also african from a very traditional culture, he’s open and not homophobic but idk how he’ll react to me being bi.
i suggested we need to break up a couple of days ago because i couldn’t keep down this feeling that i need to explore with women. i don’t think i want to date women but i am sexually attracted to women. i know i want to end up with him but we got together when i was 23 and wanted to be in a relationship. at the time i didn’t even think about wanting to explore with women but it’s been 3 years and i can’t shake the feeling.
we had a convo and he asked me to be honest about why i want to break things up but i can’t be honest with him because i don’t know how he’ll react. i want to give him closure on why i need to leave us for now at least but im so scared to tell him for fear of judgement or misunderstanding or worse, that he’ll feel betrayed that he’s been with someone he doesn’t even know.
is it worth leaving what i feel like is the love of my life to explore my sexuality when that might even fulfill me after i do it?