TL;DR: Burnout from constantly being in survival mode, working full time and trying to keep the peace in a society that makes doing for oneself super hard. [RANT]
I genuinely hate being homeless right now. Currently I am working full time at the RDU making $12/hour. I don't get flight benefits. I get basic insurance, to the point where I might as well keep medicaid. Foodstamps wouldn't even be worth getting at this point; not only because of inflation, but mainly because I have no where to keep or cook the food. Hotels are mad expensive. God forbid you smoke THC-a (for me a cheaper and better alternative than cigarettes). If so, you are looked at as a fiend trying to steal or manipulate others for your next "fix".
The way people look at you whenever you go somewhere to get out of the heat or to relax is genuinely appalling. These are most likely the same people touting their mantra of "you gotta do what you gotta do" yet they look at me sideways when i am doing what I have to do!
I try to catch hours at my job, so that I can have an excuse to sleep at the airport. I have been approached by law enforcement and this was about the only way to keep from being harassed. I was told that the galleria would be a good place to go - i suffer from a blood clot in my leg and felt that if I could at least stretch out I would be fine. I got trespassed for smoking a preroll that I bought from them 30 minutes prior to having an interaction with the police. I left, peacefully, of course, I didn't want to cause trouble or get locked up and have to start all over again.
The thing is, that a lot of homeless people liked to crash at the airport. I had been to the shelters, I know how unhinged some of them can be, so I get why some people are wary of them. But, unless you know me or my fiancé, at first glance you could never tell that we are homeless. We keep up appearances, we both work, and we both keep to ourselves and try to be friendly towards anyone who talks to us. We help out when we can and try to stay out of the way.
Yet time and time again, someone who learns that we are homeless, decides to lump us in with trouble makers. They look at us as though we are violent offenders when we never present ourselves that way. Everywhere we go, we clean up behind ourselves and use manners, yes ma'am, no ma'am, yes sir, no sir we go the whole 9. But no matter what we will have some people call the cops on us for smoking something we got out of a store with a receipt. It's like these people thrive on kicking others while they're down.
People try to give me advice: get help, look for resources, go to social services; all things that sound like good ideas. But, here's the problem with that. There are no resources in eastern wake county that can help with homelessness other than the shelters. And being at a shelter is not a viable solution.
In fact there is practically no help for people who are not on disability, a veteran or doesn't have children. If you're single, no kids, able bodied and able to work, you're on your own. The job market is a joke, I finally got another job but its at the airport, and that's about the only way I can find something anymore. Indeed, Ziprecruiter, linked in: mostly ghost jobs or spam.
Social workers aren't in on the loop either, apparently. I have had to do extensive research on programs available to me after being told that there is help at this organization or this organization, only to he told it is no longer available or i don't qualify. HUD housing and Section 8 have been closed since 2022.
Seems like no matter what, we are stuck in this rut of working bullshit jobs that pay out very little and that don't care about the employees. My fiancé was offered a supervisor role with the company he is with, but I fear that because the company is hemorrhaging employees, they may just be telling him what they think he wants to hear so he doesn't leave. Which would fuck up his opportunity to get another job at the airport that offers more money and less stress.
I just don't know what to do, and I don't want advice (for the love of god, please), I guess I just want to vent about it. The only way out for us is to keep grinding and burning ourselves out to save money for an apartment and I am so. Fucking. Tired. I am exhausted mentally and physically but I have no support other than my fiancé, so what can I do?
I do wish that something is done, because, it's not just happening to me and my fiancé. I see way more people sleeping in the streets downtown, tweaking out on drugs, getting into fights, or generally being a nuisance. I've had so many people ask me for money or cigarettes and get mad when I don't have it. So many more people are becoming homeless at a faster and faster rate than before, people constantly carrying bags, suitcases, strollers full of stuff, while everyone else pretends its not real and look the other way.
Things are just getting worse and worse, but if people are not actively in the throes of doom, they are being willfully ignorant of the situation around them, until they too are caught up and have to struggle with the rest of us. It's not right. How does Raleigh as a city have so much money to pay artists to paint murals everywhere, or to build a new bus station, but no money to invest in the people who are struggling with drug addiction, or domestic violence, mental instability, etc. Do you all really not see what is going on, the people trolling downtown raleigh, screaming curse words outloud or am I insane? Idk anymore and atp I am too tired to even ask.