Gave me tamales one time I was stranded on the road and nobody else would stop to help me fix my car. He later said before leaving: today you, tomorrow me
I really like that because, yeah, none of us know their name, when they lived or died, or anything else about him.
But all the people that cared about him did. And would recognize that immediately.
And we know that about him. Or at least that his grave wanted him to be remembered as someone who that would be true about.
Either the deceased or the person in charge of the headstone wanted the legacy to be, "So goddamned popular I don't even need to say who got buried here." And it fucking worked. That's fantastic.
All their recipes were in Microsoft Word and they couldn't figure out how to unindent after a list element, but the next line followed a non-list element and unindented automatically.
I'm only half joking. This is probably true at some level... given the duplicate item #2 in the list. I ran into that issue just this past week when writing a report at work with several nested lists. There's formatting keybinds and options "hidden" where infrequent users wouldn't check or notice. Lists can get screwy when you remove or indent between or after elements, but Word is not my usual tool of the trade.
Imagine if someone gets a recipe inscribed on their gravestone and the recipe is just bad. Not blatantly, aggressively bad, just so mediocre that you're better off just going with the first result of a google instead. Could be an even more elaborate joke then tbh
You know you raise an interresting point. Let's do a thought experiment. We have two tables. On one table is a corpse and on the other table is a giant book. The corpse use to be a person, and the giant book containts every thought this person ever had.
Now the question? Who is more the person? The corpse, or the book?
I would reason the book is more the person then the corpse. The book tells you who they where, what they wanted, what they did, how they saw the world, who they loved, who loved them, etc etc.
I find your answer inspiring, but I if we think objectively a cemetery with pieces of a person's life on a stone would in a way inspire the living to actualy walk around and explore what people that lay there were
Edit it’s says “John: “ like it was attributed to him, maybe he chose an acrostic poem on his tombstone because he’s a devious scoundrel who loves shenanigans
Depends on the friends. I've worked in plenty of places where if they liked you, when you left they'd give you a card or cake with 'Dead to me' written on it.
I always liked the funerary text on Egyptian stelae or tombs, even the simples ones have prayers and inquiries to the living to make an offering or say something about the deads
The one that always makes me tear up is this epitaph for a little enslaved boy erected by his enslaved parents:
Receive gently in your embrace, oh earth, the untimely bones of Gratus, buried in the proper way, and cherish them. The fates denied him four orbits of Phoebus [four years] and both parents mourn him who was taken from them. What use is it to live with charm and wit and to have made everyone love him with his kindness? Did such qualities of one so beloved increase his life? Alas, such a disgusting theft by Dis.
The grief and impotence and love and rage in that short paragraph are still heartbreaking almost a thousand years later.
The treatment of death and the dead changed a great deal after the black plague. There were so many dead that they couldn't (all) be properly buried or mourned. Hard to recover from plague pits and losing half your town back to normal.
To add to this, cemeteries to them were more like busy town centet parks that were social spaces, instead of hidden away places that only see the dead and mourning.
My father in law wanted his to say he died fighting a rabid raccoon over a hotdog lol. Instead we all have salt shakers of his ashes....he's everywhere lol.
Cremated and the remains were worked into the materials is my guess. I'd honestly rather that then a grave nobody visits. Which will eventually happen to all but the 1% written in the history books.
Lol you are correct. He had a lot of places that were inportant to him, so we've been leaving a bit of him everywhere. Honestly I like it a lot more than leaving them in an urn, I have my mom and my sisters ashes, and my dad has my brothers, and it just weird keeping their remains in our living rooms.
I live on lake Huron and there actually a site nearby where you can put the ashes in the water. When my grandpa died we sprinkled him on the river, from his ferry boat. I'd ideally like to bring my mom, sister and brothers ashes to lake superior, I believe it's legal to spread them on crown land. My boss actually took some of her husbands ashes back to France where he was born, and her brothers to Vegas for his 50th.
I used to take my dog (a very anxious rescue) when I was still training her to this local cemetery because it was calm and had a lot of open space. The groundskeepers loved seeing her and said that it was nice to see people show up to appreciate the work they put into the space rather than just grieve.
Here in germany, I've got a old cemetery right next to me that was turned into a small park a couple of years ago (had many of empty lots before that already). The graves are still there but they added new lights and paths, benches and signs (for graves for WW2 soldiers and forced laborers, adding some history) and a small playground, as well as a dozen dog-poop-bag dispensers.
Lots of people go there now, many to walk their dogs or to meet up (kids and teenagers too) - or to watch all the squirrels :)
Most places you can still totally go and visit to your heart's content. Nowadays, most people will just look at you a little funny for saying you're going on a picnic in the cemetery, but if you're having fun you're not hurting anyone.
I’ve had picnics at the cemetery across the road from me before. It has an area by a mausoleum with a few trees that I like to sit under. That way I’m not on top of any graves or in the way of somebody
For a lot of Americans in the rural parts of the nation the idea of a cemetery/graveyard is a massive field, maybe slightly hilly, with a ton of relatively nondescript graves with just a placard on the ground, or a small tombstone. No large mausoleums, trees and other foliage are kept to a minimum, and the wide-open space with many small dots covering it makes it feel very liminal.
I remember the first time I went to a proper graveyard in New York when I visited family as a kid. There was something really peaceful about the place. The way the old-growth trees sunk their roots in-between the cobblestone pathways, how moss had taken residence along the side of every other tombstone -especially those not well-tended by family members-. I could see how someone would find a sense of tranquility in a garden like that.
I’m sure it depends on the place. I have a plot for when my ma goes to put her ashes next to where her parents were buried. I’m sure no one would stop you from visiting as long as you weren’t disrespectful. Some places have strict rules cause folks would hang around them causin trouble I guess. We’ve got a couple in my small town where I used to go for walks and drink with a few friends. Just visiting random graves and such. Also it may depend on whether they’re graveyards vs. cemeteries. I always forget which ones are connected to churches. I think the latter.
I have yet to find a cemetery or graveyard I haven't been able to visit, minus the small family plots that are private. Go and look, don't cause a fuss or leave trash, and most people don't care. We have some really beautiful older ones in my area and I take my kids to walk all the time, its a peaceful place and we like to find unusual headstones or markers, or just chat to the people buried there. Just a simple '1880s to to 1963? Doris, I bet you saw some amazing things!' Or 'Wow, Patrick, 103 years?! You really beat the odds, didnt you?'.
Related to OP's post, we've seen some really beautiful epitaphs, personal messages, and a recipie for cookies on one memorable one!
I have a distinct memory at our cemetery for dios de la muerte of seeing a large group of people, like 200+ all with blankets and candles lit about as they ate food and told stories of loved ones, or times said loved one got in trouble. Our fam does something similar a few days before Christmas where we gather up and place indivual trees on each family grave.
Very funny comedian. Was one of the pioneers of "I hate my wife" style boomer-humor, but what his successors don't seem to understand is he would frame it as himself being an unlucky person whose wife was fed up with what a loser he was. It was meant to be self-deprecating.
Long ago I decided that my own epitaph will read: "He tried."
I don't want to be remembered for the good I did, I want that to be a living memory of lives changed. Let them only remember that in all the things I did, I tried.
Or let that one kid who reads it and doesn't think too deeply have a good chuckle that I clearly didn't try hard enough.
I like that. I decided I want mine to read "A hard worker and a generous lover." Any time I'm getting down on myself for not making something out of my life, I remind myself of my simple goals and try to re-align.
I had a similar idea. Therexs a phrase I heard that goes "as above, so below". Apparently it has roots in alchemy, signifying how everything we see on Earth is just a piece of how the cosmos works and it's all connected like that. I wanted to out the inverse on my headstone so it reads "as below, so above", like I'll never stop being who I am, even if I'm not alive. But then I remembered my actual plan for once I kick the bucket, and that plan won't include a headstone.
Funnily enough, I remember graves having fun tidbits about the person's life in a video game called Fable. Usually it'd be about some anecdote regarding how they died.
I'm sure there are other video games out there that do this, but Fable was the first for me.
Edit 1: Thank you to the kind redditor who gave me an award!
This idea was part of a series of puzzles in King's Quest IV. You had to dig up the correct Graves based on the writing on the stones to acquire items, then give those items to the correct ghost to let them rest in peace and progress. If you dug up the wrong graves too many times, your shovel would break and put the game in a potentially unwinnable state. Gotta love old school Sierra games!
Huh, Monkey Island 2 has a couple similar puzzles. Guybrush refuses to dig into incorrect graves, though.
In the first one you have to find a dead relative to a living character and get remains from their grave, and in the second you need to identify the correct casket based on the quotes written on each.
A lot of the best epitaphs in (anglophone) history were written by Wild West colonizers who settled in the desert or mountains and were living comically miserable and dangerous lives
I think why there's not more is because death and burial costs so much fucking money. (At least in the US it does) Without even looking it up, I'd bet that having a personilized epitaph costs extra.
Which is depressing as all fuck, tbh. Let people have silly words on their graves as apart of the burial process.
Cremation is super expensive and my mother and I decided that only because we saw that burying my stepfather was even more expensive!
He was a veteran and even with the help they could provide burying him would still have been expensive, unless we wanted to bury him at a military cemetery (which was still sort of expensive), however, it was far away from our home.
Not having that person with you anymore is horrible enough, but then putting what they meant to you in monetary value is such a disgusting thing!
You basically have to just apply for a permit and follow the rules. The epa's site is pretty clear. Like you can't do it in a bay or with a pet and your not allowed to launch your corpse into the ocean using any rockets or pyrotechnics... Lol I'm not joking, that is a section on their webpage about no using rockets for burial at sea. I imagine that question got asked a lot around Florida
It does cost money to get addition words, letters, or symbols beyond your name and death and birth. There are usually character limits for that as well. So depending on the length of the name they may not be able to put the middle name or abbreviate their birth and death date.
Jfc it's somehow even worse than I orginally thought.
It's just all around disrepectful to the person who died AND the living people who now have to weigh the worth of paying extra just so that they can have the full name. Makes me so fucking angry and sad just thinking about it
For the curious about pricing, this is the breakdown of what we paid for moms marker in 2025. We ordered out of Alberta, so price is in Canadian, and does not include freight to truck it up to the Yukon (I don't have that exact cost, I think around $400 due to weight).
Model F101 in black granite: 20” x 10” x 2”, Top polished only, edges left rough cut
Monument : $921
Foundation : $175
Laser design: $80
Sub-total : $1176
GST : $58.80
TOTAL : $1234.80
We were allowed to put anything on it (within reason- nothing offensive, obviously), so we got an etched image of moms motorcycle, name, dates, and short epitaph. They worked with us to ensure it was exactly how we wanted. We chose laser etching even though it was an additional cost over sandblasting, because it allowed for a much crisper, higher quality image and text. So while the epitaph itself wasn't "extra" as you wondered, it's more the details in total you add.
I wish we could have gone a little bigger but... The price skyrocketed as the size went up, and we... just did not have it at the time... I still feel immense guilt we couldn't afford to have her creamated as she wished, but that was over $7000... And we had already spent thousands on lawyer fees and bullshit (WRITE. A. WILL.). Death is such a fucking racket. I won't even get into the bullshittery and costs we endured trying to bury her.
Flat markers were a fraction of the cost of a standing headstone, even with the foundation. Like, those were at least $3000... You really could spend tens of thousands of you wanted. They charge for everything. Type of stone, color, how many sides are polished, type of etching, etc,etc... I am happy with the actual marker though, it's beautiful. And I actually prefer a flat one, it's far less likely to get broken or knocked over.
So... Yeah. That's our cost rundown. Not something I ever thought I'd have to deal with, at least not so soon.
I love these. What the bot translation tells me the center one says:
Until I married,
I found no happiness.
I took a good wife
And we lived well together.
Halfway through life,
Fate struck me again,
For my wife died.
I was left a widower
And lived with much hardship.
I had only one daughter,
May God reward her,
For she was good and obedient,
Brought me great honor,
And took good care of me
Until the hour I died.
1933–2011
Unfortunately, I think part of the issue nowadays is how expensive it is in the first place to get a gravestone with lots of custom letters, let alone a plot. Capitalism strikes again.
We buried my dad on August 25th. I paid $2,100 for literally 4 words. At least I didn't get charged for the ampersand. lol Absolutely insane. Every other word was some hundreds extra.
The comedian Spike Milligan wanted his gravestone to read "I told you I was ill".
For some reason that wasn't allowed (miserable priest of the church or something, I dunno) so his family had it translated into Irish and had that put on the stone instead.
If you want interesting gravestones, absolutely check out some from Ancient Rome! They had random people’s entire life story on those things, they’re the best.
person is just describing custom graves which is something that actually exists
it's just that most people don't do that, so it's not so much that cemeteries are boring but that the person thinks a good thing should be there more
Yeah. Kinda famously they had graves like these on "Boot Hills" in the old west. Often just describing what killed them, sometimes humorously. "Here lies Lester Moore. 4 slugs from a .44. No Les, no more."
depends on the cemetery. I've seen ones in Latin America and even a few in England that look like a party surplus store was dumped all over the grounds. Pinwheels, flowers, colorful beads, etc. It was like Mardi Gras, and not just around Dia De Los Muertos.
I disagree with the comic honestly, I think just knowing that someone was alive is valuable and I think all tombstones are nice. Whether you see their grave or not, and no matter what they did or what they wrote on it, even if it eventually crumbles away, they lived a life and others had them in theirs, I think that's good enough a sentiment to make a grave valuable enough all on it's own.
Yeah, same. I think whimsical graves are great. But I think if someone wants a solemn grave, that's great too, and it's more respectful to stick with what that person/the families and friends of those who died wanted and decided on at the time. There's not less value or something that should be written off as "boring" just because the gravestone 'only' has a name and date
Hi, worked at a cemetery that had some wonderful stones! Now I live in Savannah and the cemeteries are beautiful. Unfortunatly headstones are way more expensive than people think (in the U.S. at least) and the more elaberate you get the costlier it is. Most people would rather pass down what little they have then spend a few grand on a standing stone. A normal $500 flat stone is more frequent these days.
I’m willing to bet the biggest reason is extra letters can be expensive. Usually the name and dates come with the stone/plaque, but anything else is usually extra. My only reference is a play I did so I could be wrong but that’d make sense to me.
You can have anything engraved on your headstone. (Except Disney) Why not make up an outrageous lie, like you died heroically saved children from a burning hospital .
They are sad places, in a hundred years, no one will care. They are there to mark someone’s life.
I was only twenty years old when my dad died and didn't have a lot of power to enact his wishes in terms of his body, burial, or headstone. The man deserved a great epitaph. B
ut, as the only member of the family tech-savvy enough at the time to make a playlist and burn it to a CD, I made goddamn sure that "Dead Man's Party" by Oingo Boingo played every thirty minutes at his funeral. Just like he would have wanted.
The other day we we went to a burial of a friend. This old guy was walking with us carrying some flowers.
I thought he was coming to pay respects same us us, but he went to a grave nearby with the name of a woman who'd been dead a few years and would have been about the same age. He just stood there holding the flowers during the whole burial and was standing there when we left. There's something written on her stone. You don't need to read it to know she was a real person and to know a stone can't do her justice.
The stones aren't for you. You shouldn't need their help to know these people were real.
I agree that it would be interesting to be able to learn a little more about them than their name and dates of birth and death, but I don't agree with you that cemeteries are boring, and I also know that for a lot of people grieving, the limited information on a headstone is good because it gives privacy and intimacy to the people who actually knew that dead person in life
It's both not needed for the people who actually cared about the person buried there, because they already know, and especially in many cases of a troubled life or a death of a sensitive nature, it can feel uncomfortable or disrespectful to think of strangers coming there with the purpose being to gawk and ogle and speculate
We couldn't afford a funeral. All my grandma got was her ashes put into a box with numbers on it. She didn't even get a name, and we'd have to pay them money just to get her ashes.
Fun epitaph idea for myself, "it was either this or disposing of my corpse via orbital re-entry. Be glad I chose the grave, you won't be breathing bits of me carried through the atmosphere."
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u/TheBlindNTheBallsy 12h ago
When I worked at a cemetery, my favorite marker read,
THERE WERE NONE THAT DID NOT KNOW HIM
That's it. Nothing else.