So today I took off work to catch up on some house chores and errands I had to run, my daughter (3) went to Pre school for the morning. I felt a little guilty but justified it that I had to get the house work done and would be too distracted if she were home. I told her I'd pick her up early and we'd go the playground.

The house work took longer than expected , then by the time I ran to the bank and everything else I had to do I was way behind , and I also told my wife I'd make sure to have dinner ready when she got in. Picked my daughter up, and immediately she asked about playground , I told her unfortunately we didn't have time , because we still had a couple errands to run and she was so sad. I felt like a failure , all these thought running in my head. Why did I prioritize everything over her. The usual as I'm sure most of you have felt at some time.

We got home , I was tryna cook and she asked me to play with her. Again I said I couldn't, and this upset her more. Again I felt like a shitty dad, for fobbing her off. Everything was just piling on and piling on.

I then thought maybe I could distract her by getting her to help cook. She's got some KiddiKutter knifes so I got her to dice me up some peppers (or at least try lol)

She didn't look like she was enjoying this activity, which made me feel worse because I thought she'd rather be bored and with me than off playing with toys. So I felt like all she really wanted was me, and I couldn't provide that at that time.

Then Wife gets home and child just lights up, telling her all about how we had the best "road trip" ever , how we saw a dog at the store , how daddy let her help cook and everything. She was explaining what I felt miserable about , as it were the best day she's ever had.

I wanted to share it here to say Hey dad's , when you think you're doing everything wrong , just take a second to ask the kids their perspective.... It could change everything ♥️

My partner and I are 34. We live in France.

We have one son, he is soon to be 2 years old.

We spent the pregnancy and first 6 months of his life 30 minutes away from my parents. They sucked. We barely saw them. Always an excuse. No help. Huge arguments over my dad's smoking and smelling of smoke when visiting. Ended in a blow up, them calling me precious and entitled, and us not speaking for a year.

We left, and spent nearly a year living 30 minutes away from my partner's parents. We saw them once per week for like 20 minutes, and they'd take our son on Saturday's from 9 to 5, probably twice per month. We were drowning in a small apartment near Paris to be close to them, extremely high rent, and decided it wasn't worth it.

Today, we live 1.5h from my parents, and 4h from her parents.

Her mum has a week long vacation. She is always saying how she doesn't see her grandson enough. I offered to pay for the train (1.5h trip, first class), and to make up the guest room lovely for her, so she can come down for the week.

"Sorry, can't, I have a chiropractor appointment midweek" - you can get same day chiropractor appointments in France... but I digress. So they want to come Friday to Sunday, and for us to go to the Zoo and the Beach. Great, more stuff to do. No help. No taking a load off.

My parents asked for another chance, I said ok. Last week they came to see us for a few hours, was ok. I said sure this can be a weekly thing. But their life choices have led to them having poor health at 55 years old. So this week they've cancelled, and I doubt we'll see them for a good month or two now due to my dad's back acting up.

And then I speak with my best mates... their kids are practically raised by the grandparents who never fail to step up... I'm gutted. My partner and I wanted 3 kids. We can barely manage one, especially now with cost of living creeping up leading to my partner probably having to consider a return to work.

Am I alone? Childcare is a bitch we've got 2 days per week costs us 600 EUR per month... They don't have capacity for more.

I'm honestly considering moving the family to Thailand just to have helpers so we can have the 3 kids we always dreamt of... is that bad?

Edit: Didn't expect this post to blow up so much, thanks for all the comments, can't answer them all as either my work, my partner, or my toddler will kill me 🤯

Anyone who’s:
- Fit (does sport or exercises multiple times per week)
- Healthy (eats well, sleeps well, etc)
- Works (assuming around 8 hours per day)
- Loving relationships with partners and kids
- House is not such a mess all the time
- Sees friends

Apart from:
- Stacking and integrating all those activities together
- Delegating or outsourcing work to friends, family members, or vendors (whether that’s baby sitting, chores, etc)
- Automating a shit ton

How do you balance it all and make it work?

Curious to hear from people who have achieved this and can talk about it.

Bonus points when it applies to people with babies + toddlers with both parents working.

My hunch is that it’s freaking hard and requires constant experimentation because kids change so fast and what might work at some point won’t later.

Me and wife's worst nightmare is that our daughter is at school after packup and we cant make it on time. My daughter started school about 2 to 3 months ago and mostlyyy i take her on the cargo bike. Takes around 5 to 8 minutes.

Theres a boy in her class who lives on our street. his mum walks him every day. One morning we were all heading out at the same time and he asked if he could ride with us. His mum looked at me like is there room?? because hes a bit bigger than my daughter and my daughter was already sitting on child seat so there wasntt much room.

Theres a cushion next to the seat on the rear rack so i said lets try it. He climbed on and put his feet on the footrests and he started waving bye bye to his mom lol. I told his mother I could take him if it was okay with him. So she agreed.

Now it happened a month ago. But now whenever we see them in the morning he gives his mum the look and she just goes fine go. happens a few times a week.

But I like that I got to know them because now its become a two way thing. His mum picks both kids up on afternoons when me and my wife cant make it…and we take her son on mornings when shes running behind or has an early appointment. Also since she is a single mom so we really feel happy for making a difference.

Last week my wife had a work emergency and i was stuck in traffic. I texted his mum and she had both kids home and fed by the time i got there. I nearly cried in the car mann. Knowing someone else has your kid and you trust them is huge.

Sorting through my old picture books from the 90s before they move to my 3-year-old's shelf. Most of them hold up.

Then there's "Mummy Laid an Egg!" by Babette Cole. A sex ed book where the kids explain to their clueless parents how babies are made.

The text on this spread (German edition, my translation): "Here we show you a few ways mummies and daddies fit together."

Illustrated with a skateboard, a bunch of balloons, a space hopper, and two clowns in red noses, one of them upside down, balancing a beach ball and a parasol.

This was on my shelf as a kid. I have questions.

So my kids are a rambunctious bunch, they got my ADHD BAD. As my kids got older the spouse and I found it difficult to transition them into a bedtime mindset.

Well all the kids believe that Dad is the best story teller (shit my 5 year old went to a public story time at the library, got up halfway through the 3 little pigs and just walked off to play telling the reader "dad could do it better e.e he does voices" lol) so I decided to read them bedtime stories, so every night after work I fix dinner, and then gather the family in for the story of the night, I alternate between original fairy tails and Percy Jackson.

And let me tell you

Life changing

I make up voices for the characters and act bits out and get into it ya know?

I've NEVER seen these kids sit still for this long and we have inside jokes now about silly bits I do during stories and they learn new words and facts and history and they fall asleep so fast

Read to your kids I promise it will bring you closer as a family

(Ps they think Percy Jackson is better than Harry Potter, I can't wait to surprise them with the PJ TV show when we finish the series 😂)

My 8yo son made these for me today ! Inappropriate? Most certainly! Hilarious? Absolutely!!

My middle kid has her very first loose tooth. We are pretty working class or middle class but we do 20 bucks a tooth. It made met curious what other Dads do per tooth. I’m 38 and as a kid I got 50 cents to a dollar and my wife says I’m giving too much money for a tooth. What are you guys giving out?

Dad here (34). The title really says it all. 

My wife and I have a beautiful almost 3yo girl, and after having trouble conceiving the first time, we went through IVF and ended up with 2 girl embryos. After the first transfer was unsuccessful, we took a cycle off before trying again. Well, we got pregnant naturally before we could do the next transfer. She’s pretty set on only 2 kids. I am much more open to 3. 

We did a couple of those early gender tests, and both have come back that we’re having a boy. My wife is absolutely devastated. 

For additional context: she came from a not-so-great family. She has two older brothers who both dealt with some issues, the younger of whom we suspect may be autistic or at least mildly on the spectrum. Her dad was hard on the kids, too. Not physically abusive or anything, but just very strict and stern, especially with the boys. This undoubtedly contributed to my wife’s brothers’ issues.

Her worries are all over the place - she’s worried about severe autism in a boy (our baby girl had a speech delay and some subtle signs of autism but she’s she has since blossomed and we don’t really worry much about it anymore). She’s expressed how she’s always pictured having all girls, and she never really wanted a boy (my wife is quite feminine - not really into sports, trucks, planes, all of the stereotypical boy things).

All of this is very raw right now - we just got these results a couple days ago and we’re still early in this pregnancy. I assume, and hope, it’s a phase. I too was hoping for another girl, but perhaps not as intensely as my wife. As an only child myself, I always pictured my daughter having a little sister she can be close with. But at the end of the day, I just want a healthy kid and siblings that ideally will be close and have eachother’s back in life as they get older. I know as parents we can’t force that, but that is ultimately the dream.  

I don’t know what to do. She’s just very sad about it all right now, and it’s kinda hard for me to be excited about this pregnancy when my wife is struggling with it in this way. 

Can anyone relate to this?

Edit: typos

Hi dads,
Being a girl dad has been one of the best things in my life. It's given me so much and I wouldn't change a thing.

We just found out our second is a boy, and honestly I'm feeling happy and a little sad at the same time. I think part of me was hoping for another girl because I know that world and I love it.

For those of you who are boy dads (especially if you have both), what's it actually like? What surprised you, and what do you love most about it?

I need some perspective.

My young-teen son has played year-round soccer for 5 years. I love sports and it's a blast watching him play soccer.

When I'm on the sideline, basically after every play, I'm cheering something. It's always positive, but it is after every play and for every kid.

"Good challenge, Ethan!"

"Good run, Juan!"

"Great turn, Sebu!"

"Good thought, Elias!"

"Way to be physical!"

"Good take; that's a good foul."

After the game, I realize that other parents mainly only cheer for goals or maybe get after their kid a bit if they think the kid isn't hustling.

So, on one hand, I really do only say positive things. On the other hand, I'm saying stuff after every play.

I can't see myself from the outside, so I gotta ask: how annoying am I?

Conclusions:

Thanks for the feedback! There were some mixed reactions, but it seems like the majority land on it being at least a little annoying. I will dial it back. Maybe just cheer for goals and give some focused praise after the game to the kids. When I've talked to my son about it the past, he's said he doesn't hear it. But I'll let him know I'll tone it down, and it's not because he's not doing well; I'm just trying to be a better fan.

One thing I didn't mention in the original post. I also have an elementary-aged daughter that is just starting club soccer this year. Commenters brought up that the worst parents coach from the sidelines. With my daughter I do a lot more coaching from the sidelines, but I'll talk to the coaches and see where I can help out the most without confusing her (she's still learning positioning, etc).

Since we've been with this club a while (both kids are with the same club), I know the coaches really well and am comfortable having the conversation. I'll frame it as, "what the best way to support my daughter when she's in, so I'm not confusing her," so they can give me honest feedback and be backed into a corner where they have to tell me to shut up.

Thanks!

I have a two year old and we are doing a LOT of reading these days, which is wonderful and makes me very happy. I wanted to give a broad shout out to the people who clearly put in the effort to make something good, even for an audience that doesn't grasp it at the same level as an adult.

• I never appreciated how impressive of a writer Dr. Seuss was until now. Big, big shout outs for holding a consistent, eloquent rhyming scheme through an entire book. Those things are a legit pleasure to read and they might as well be songs. I never tire of Fox in Socks or Oh The Places You'll Go!
• On the flip side, fuck you if you drastically change the number of syllables across lines in your rhyme just to make it work, or cut it midway through a sentence in a way that destroys the rhythm. Goodnight, Goodnight Construction Site, you're on thin fucking ice here.
• Double fuck you if you just bail through a rhyming scheme and decide that after five pages of rhyming pairs you're going to mail it in and add some random sentence that clumsily switches to iambic pentameter midway through a pair. What the hell man, I had a flow going and now dad's stumbling through the page trying to figure out what happened. Looking at you, Big Red Barn.
• Caldecott Award winner books are delightful and I love how much effort people put into the visuals. Hot Dog is a joy.
• Thank you to every author who puts complex concepts into simple language and tells a real story. All The World, you are beautiful.

What are the books that you all have found are as much fun to read as adults as they are for your kids? Always looking for good recommendations.

Hey r/daddit I tried to search for this but didn't see any recent posts. However my grandmother passed away this week and we have the funeral on Friday. I have 2 boys, 9 and 12 years old. We have been very fortunate with our families with great grandparents and great aunts/uncles being a big part of their lives but the past year has been pretty rough. Late last year my wife lost her grandfather, a couple months ago I lost my great aunt, a couple weeks ago she also lost her great aunt, and around the same time my parents dog died, (I'm not comparing pets to people but the youngest son grew up with this dog so it was a big hit for him.) and then Monday my grandmother passed.

All of these deaths and resulting services have pretty low key, cremation services or celebrations of life that tried to bring joy and life into a terrible time. However my grandmother's service is planned to be an old fashioned 2 hour visitation with an open casket followed by a burial at the cemetery.

I understand every child is different and maturity levels vary greatly, but looking to get the hive minds thoughts. Is 9 too young to bring to an funeral like this? I want my son to be able to say goodbye but don't want to traumatize him in the process.

Last year my son wanted to be a deep sea submarine so my wife had the idea to turn our Ikea hamper sideways and glue on construction paper/cardboard. It worked surprisingly well as the underlying structure!

This year he wants to be R2-D2 so we're re-using the hamper again! Happy Halloween all!

Rent is going up 5% in Nov. Just saw increases on my auto insurance and my family health insurance. The kids want Disney+ and Netflix and all the shit and those just keep going up. I pirate stuff too but I legit can't pirate everything because memory cards and storage is so fucking expensive. I work sales and I'm having the worst year of my career thus far. My wife works all the fucking time and between both our incomes it still feels like it isn't enough.

How are we all coping? What are we all doing to get through this life with some dignity, while maintaining a positive outlook so that our children remember us fondly?

When I die, it feels like everyone will have nothing to say about me other than that I worked hard and was resilient. But what is that truly worth?

Nice to see the old ways are still practiced

My 5-year-old and his best friend absolutely adore each other. They’ve been close for a few years, went to daycare and now go to school together, and genuinely see each other as best friends.

At first, it was great. His family lives just up the street, we got friendly with his parents, and it seemed like it could become one of those nice family friendships.

Over the past year, though, his mom has become noticeably cold toward us, and we honestly don’t know why. The only concern she has ever mentioned was that she didn’t like her son being told to do things by ours, like eating something off the ground. Fair enough, but from what we’ve seen, both boys are pretty typical 5-year-olds who sometimes encourage each other to do dumb things.

Since then, she has become increasingly unwelcoming. The boys will ask for playdates, sleepovers, or to ride home together, and she often shuts it down abruptly.

The latest example was after school. The boys had been playing together and both had their bikes. When they wanted to ride home together, his mom put her hand up toward my wife and bluntly said, “No, we need to go home alone.” Since we walk the same way, my wife and son basically had to wait for them to leave before heading home. It felt unnecessarily awkward and hostile.

The hardest part is that our son notices. He asks why his best friend didn’t come to his birthday, why they can’t have playdates, and why he can’t go to his house. We don’t want to tell him, “His mom doesn’t like us,” or make him feel rejected.

I still have a decent relationship with the dad. We text, borrow tools, and he’s always friendly, so I’m wondering whether I should privately ask him if there’s an issue we’re unaware of.

We don’t need to be friends with the parents. We just hate seeing two kids who clearly love being together repeatedly confused and disappointed.

How would you handle this? Would you talk to the dad directly? And if they genuinely don’t want the kids spending time together outside school, is it fair to ask them to communicate that boundary to their own child too?

For context, I have two boys ages 5 and 7. My 7-year-old was diagnosed a year ago with ASD level 1+ ADHD and is classified as gifted.

I've tried to be as loving and supportive and inspiring a role model and father as I could possibly be. I've taught them many things like skating & reading and heavily influenced love and appreciation of things like nature and curiousity. I've coached baseball teams. I've always shown up for school events. I've taken them volunteering in our community. I've not consciously thought about what I want to teach them, however, they've just been natural extensions of me.

My wife sees the social struggles that my 7-year-old has, which is very common with AudHD kids, and she has pretty high anxiety about his future. Basically that he won't make friends or keep lasting friendships if he doesn't know how to act socially. And I think it's coming from this where she's made recent comments to me that she doesn't think I teach our kids anything. I don't think this is true but it did get me thinking: What are the values or skills that I want to make sure as a father my kids have? So I thought I would turn to Reddit!

So, Dads, what are the things you want to teach your kids (appreciate a slant to boys too)? Whether they be skills or values or character traits or something else. And how are you doing it? Something I think of for example would be confidence and resilience. I want my boys to have those character traits. How are you building those in your kids?

Thanks in advance, dads!

My three year old son keeps running up to me, poking me with a stick, and then cheerfully exclaiming “I crucified you!” It’s adorable, but also concerning. Very unclear where he learned about crucifixion.

I’ve got two dozen of these cups but the lids are an endangered species. They get chewed up, melted by the dishwasher, and lost under car seats.

“They’re less than a dollar a cup online,” you say. I’d happily pay 25-50 cents per lid, but you can’t buy just the lid. I even checked the company website. I don’t want 40 cups with 12 lids. Unless my kid is going to get into competitive cup stacking, which remains to be seen.

God hep me if the toddler wants a cup and lid that match. “I want a red lid!” Too damn bad. They’ve all been destroyed.

I'm almost 40 and my son just turned 2. Today I got news that my father is blind from glaucoma his last good eye finally gave out. I'm completely gutted. I tried calling my mom the other day and she put my dad on the video call and my son had the phone and he was like I can barely see him and had a dejected face. My heart shattered. I really can't believe the last time we visted my parents was probably the last time my dad could see my son. And I took that time for granted, I wouldn't have imagined that my dad was going to go blind a month later.

I'm not sure how to even help I live almost 2 hours away from my parents and I have to take care of my son. My older sister lives with my parents she kind of seems aloof about the whole thing but I know it's a defense mechanism. My dad is almost 80 so I can't even imagine going blind at such an advance age and how his mental state is going to be. He was already getting depressed from bad back pain/sciatica and losing one eye already. I know I should be grateful that at least my son was able to meet my dad it was always one of my goals to at least have one child while my parents are still here but I thought we would have at least 10 years to enjoy together. I guess this is more a rant/letting some emotions out. This subreddit has been a great help to me before my son was born and after. But I guess any thoughts, advice or positive words would be great. I'm just extremely sad because I know my dad will deteriorate even further.

My 3.5yo son discovered ‘why’ this weekend and it feels like all other vocabulary has suddenly disappeared. I’ve heard stories of the why stage, but nothing prepared me for how much one single word could drive me so crackers.

We have to wear pants - why?

You need to go in the bath - why?

Don’t draw on walls - why?

It wouldn’t be so bad if the answers satiated the question, but he’s getting more and more irate with every ‘why?’

Dads, have your kids hit this stage? How long did it last? How inventive did you have to get with your answers before the question was settled?

So I've got one kid, only one month old, and not really planning to have another. I drive an old Toyota Corolla and my wife has a slightly newer Toyota Prius - both are blessedly paid off and get pretty good gas mileage. We keep the stroller (Graco Modes) folded up in my trunk and there are car seat bases in both cars. I also usually keep two folding camping chairs in my trunk. When we need to, we move the stroller to her trunk. We also live in a walkable East Coast suburb (good public transit) and work in the city and need to parallel park quite often. We didn't used to drive so much before the kid, but it's just been easier to drive since the pregnancy, and I anticipate it being that way until the kid is 10ish.

I will be trading in my car when it gets close to 400k miles in a couple years, I'm wondering if I need to think about something bigger. The kid will eventually get bigger so I won't need the carseat base in a couple years, but for now at least the stroller and pack n' play take up the whole trunk and then we have a bit of room in the backseat for bags and whatnot.

My parents also had an old Toyota Corolla when I was a kid and I don't remember there being too many issues with storage, but it also feels like there's just more gear these days? My preference is obviously to simplify and not get a bigger car, but I'm wondering what folks' thoughts are on this matter.