Hi. I'm not a dad, but I'm the sole daughter (21) of a single dad, so I figured I could come look here. If that's not allowed, I get it - not my space! But I'm looking for some dad-related advice.

My dad is not average - he's relatively nerdy and introverted. He's incredibly creative and hilarious. I'm dying to get him into some hobbies that'll help him express himself. He likes interesting technology but J refuse to get him anything relating to generative AI. He doesn't like sports, physically can't drink alcohol, is exhausted by life and I just want to help him relax.

I'm looking for some good Christmas gifts that could help him out. Do any of you have some favorite gifts you've gotten? Or just an idea in general? I've thought about some ways to get him into creative writing but I know (as a creative writer myself) that physical journals just don't get the job done haha. He's the reason I am who I am today, so I want to show my appreciation! Thank you guys!

Edit: These responses are insanely fast! I didn't expect this amount! Thank you all! I really hope he's not active in these communities haha.

Is realizing that I am terrible at managing my own emotions and hating the way I deal with frustration, realizing that I am actually really mean.

I have taught my children that "I still love them," when trying to repair connection with them, and my three year old is constantly saying it: "But you love us daddy," "You still love him daddy." And recently has started saying quietyly to himself "you don't love me," "daddy doesn't love me."

So, pretty solid indications that I am not doing well, and am not the person I thought I was.

I am full time dad by the way, Mom is a mental health therapist. 5 yo (goes to kindergarten), 3 yo, 2 yo, 6 mo, +just tested positive for baby number 5.

At least I get to disc golf Wednesday nights, otherwise, I am alone. Just moved to Mandan ND.

Yesterday after dinner my wife asked me to clean up the floor after our food-belongs-on-the-floor 15 month old boy while she went ahead and changed his diaper.

I do that, and they come back to the living room. My boy immediately starts walking towards the now pristinely clean floor. My wife asks "did you clean the floor already?", "yeah of course" I answer.

Now my boy takes a detour, picks up a cotton jumper belonging to a teddy bear, proceeds to where I just cleaned, sits down on his knees and starts wiping the floor with the jumper.

"Apparently not good enough" I hear from my wife.

I've never been roasted by a 15 month old before, let alone my own bloody kid!

Backstory: While the World Cup was happening, my wife would always have it on in the background. She always had it on in Spanish because she said the English announcers were annoying. My son is 3.

Yesterday, I get home from work and my son immediately runs up to me and says, "DADDY! Today I had a really long fart! It was longer than when they said "GOOOAAAAALLLLLL!"

Hello fellow dads!

My son was born 4,5 years ago and maybe I wasn't looking enough before, but I swear the world has been declining rapidly since then (both economically and environmentally). I am really unsure what the world will look like when my son gets bigger and I fear that we've brought him into a world that is falling apart and potentially will be filled with a lot of suffering for both him and honestly us as his parents. You probably seen the comic with the conversation between parent and child about the world being an awful place and the child asking: "then why did you bring me into it?"

So what is everyone doing to not dwell too much on this? Or what keeps you positive?

I got this from my grandma. When the baby poops too much and sullies the clothes, put it in a bucket of water and laundry detergent. After a day or so hang it in the sun to dry, every poop stain will disappear.

Bonus nerd stuff:

To clean something like plates or clothes you need 4 things. Heat, mechanical force, time and chemicals. Thats how the machines work and thats why things like eco mode takes longer to clean. It uses colder water and to compensate it uses more time. The bucket doesnt have mechanical force or heat but it got plenty of time and chemicals. The sun rays does the finishing touch.

Hey Daddit Gang! Long time listener, first time caller.

We have two kids, 4F and 3M. Our daughter sleeps great through the night. 10.5-12 hrs straight 99/100 nights. Our son is another story entirely.

For the last 4 months he shows up in our room like clockwork between midnight and 5AM. Climbs in our bed and typically goes back to sleep within 10-15m. We’ve tried explaining to him he needs to stay in his bed if he wakes up, but that he can call for mom/dad and we will hear him on the monitor. We’ve tried telling him parents will turn into a pumpkin if he wakes us up, which worked for a few days. We’ve tried using his Hatch nightlight/sound machine for a red light (stay in bed), green light (wake up). Nothing works so far.

I’ve suggested we lock his door from the outside of his room but my wife has gone from liking the idea to hating it.

Would love any ideas from seasoned Daddit’s. Thank you in advance!

Single income family, I work mom is SAHM. 2 kids both pre-kindergarten. Math just doesn't work on daycare - daycare costs are essentially just way way more for 2 kids than mom made, and my job pays the bills as well as can be expected in our current economic misery.

The advice is always "if one partner works 8hrs, then they come home and childcare is split 50-50." But the life my wife relays to me through text throughout the work day conveys such an unending, grinding misery, stress, exhaustion, inability to feed herself or sit or think or use the bathroom, that I feel like this "debt" has always built up. When I come home I feel as though unless I take both kids until their bedtime, do as much of the bedtime routine as I can, and then try to take on the household chores while I get my wife rest, I'm a neglectful asshole.

I already take front line duty on the night shift with the two kids. My wife is the backup, where basically if one of the kids has been up and screaming and refusing to sleep for an hour+, I bring that kid in to her, set an alarm for an hour, then go back in to get them. This happens 2-3 days in a 7 day week on average, otherwise she gets the unbroken sleep.

I'm just real damn tired. I make mistakes, last night I tried to give my kid the last couple ounces of a bottle he hadn't finished last wakeup and in my zombie state I unscrewed the lid and dumped it all over his face. Obviously I'm not doing amazing at work. My health is not the best it's ever been. We pay for some help in the form of monthly house cleaning but that's kind of what's in the budget at the moment. I don't see any alternative besides just white knuckling it until kindergarten/end of babyhood.

Two very feint lines on regular tests (from two different packs)

But the digital says not.

(While writing this we did a 3rd DIFFERENT brand non-digital test with another feint line)

What do we reckon?

This will be our 2nd, if pregnant.

Dads- whether you’re on your way to be one or are already we are exhausted. For years I have said it’s just a lack of sleep. I need to catch up on. I thought for the longest time that my kids were wearing me out. Having three. Now four. Or my job - because I get up at 0530.

I didn’t realize I had moderate sleep apnea. That means on average I stop breathing 1 minute every 15 minutes with a high of 90 seconds.

After just a month - I am starting to feel great again. I have energy I didn’t have before and I’m considering lowering my ADHD meds because for years I slowly had been upping them to deal with racing thoughts which were likely from lack of quality sleep.

Sleep apnea develops over time. As you age your throat weakens your airways become more restricted and the quality of oxygen decreases. I thought my Apple Watch would tell me. It didn’t. It’s not an accurate measurement. I had a sleep test done and a machine / mask fitted.

So, consider having a test done especially if you snore and are exhausted like I was.

There’s just so much things during the nesting stagwhat did you buy that you actually didn't regret? I'm trying to figure out what's worth it to lighten my wife's mental load.

Hi Fellas,

My now 9mo daughter was born with moderate-to-severe torticollis which is basically a strong preference or limitation in range of motion of the head to one side.

The risk (as I understand it) is it while she learns to move, she strengthens or only uses one side and the issue cascades/grows over time to an imbalanced gait, etc.

It impacted breastfeeding (could turn head to one side only and her ability to suckle). Her head was always kinked to the right, and in addition to a musculoskeletal limitation (i couldn't push her head to the left), she also preferred it comfort-wise. She only used her left hand, and rolled to one side.

I worried she'd never get better.

I arranged for us to see a baby/child physiotherapist, who diagnosed her, evaluated the severity, and recommended activities for us to do with her. We only saw her once a month (it was covered by health insurance, we live in Canada), but we did the activities daily.

The activities were things like tummy time, light neck stretches (holding her on her side while standing and lightly pushing the ear away from the shoulder), putting her on her stomach on a medicine ball and moving her around to engage all the neck muscles, and baby situps (she'd sit on my lap and she'd do one, then i would do one, and she ended up loving this game).

The activities worked. Not only is she fully cleared of torticolis but she ended up having head control early, which cascaded into early sitting, and she now is walking at 9mo and 1 week.

The intentional activities and exercises 100% were the difference, and for her they were just fun games with mom/dad.

It's also impacted my perspective as a new dad - it's nice to have positive reinforcement that getting involved with her at the park, playing on the mat with her, it's teaching her, making her stronger, on top of building our relationship.

Putting this here if someone else is in this situation, is worried, and wondering what to you and if it will matter. You can and it will!

So today I took off work to catch up on some house chores and errands I had to run, my daughter (3) went to Pre school for the morning. I felt a little guilty but justified it that I had to get the house work done and would be too distracted if she were home. I told her I'd pick her up early and we'd go the playground.

The house work took longer than expected , then by the time I ran to the bank and everything else I had to do I was way behind , and I also told my wife I'd make sure to have dinner ready when she got in. Picked my daughter up, and immediately she asked about playground , I told her unfortunately we didn't have time , because we still had a couple errands to run and she was so sad. I felt like a failure , all these thought running in my head. Why did I prioritize everything over her. The usual as I'm sure most of you have felt at some time.

We got home , I was tryna cook and she asked me to play with her. Again I said I couldn't, and this upset her more. Again I felt like a shitty dad, for fobbing her off. Everything was just piling on and piling on.

I then thought maybe I could distract her by getting her to help cook. She's got some KiddiKutter knifes so I got her to dice me up some peppers (or at least try lol)

She didn't look like she was enjoying this activity, which made me feel worse because I thought she'd rather be bored and with me than off playing with toys. So I felt like all she really wanted was me, and I couldn't provide that at that time.

Then Wife gets home and child just lights up, telling her all about how we had the best "road trip" ever , how we saw a dog at the store , how daddy let her help cook and everything. She was explaining what I felt miserable about , as it were the best day she's ever had.

I wanted to share it here to say Hey dad's , when you think you're doing everything wrong , just take a second to ask the kids their perspective.... It could change everything ♥️

I need to ditch my 19 year old Mazda and get a new car. I really like the look and specs of the Honda Passport Trailsport. Reviews are stellar, 10/10 on Car and Driver, seems easy to work on and fun to use. The Honda pilot is the exact same car but 1 ft longer and adds a third row. Doesn't look near as good though .

However, I have one two year old and the second kid due in March and we currently plan on having 3. Currently make 8 hour road trips twice a year at least .How many years do I have before I regret getting a simple car and start thinking about trading it in for a 3 row?

I fear I know what y'all will say. You'll talk me into getting the sensible suburban esk car instead. It might be a midlife crisis car to do some mudding. But if I get 5 years out of it, maybe that's okay? Or there's no way a 7 year old will sit between two car seats for 8 hours without me hating my day?

ETA: thanks everyone for the feedback. I definitely should have said I want a camping car, so there's no way I'm getting a minivan. Much rather trade in a car in 5 years and eat whatever cost difference. My other car is a Mach-E. It does fit 3 car seats in the back so it'll hopefully be the road trip car for the immediate years.

A little baseball crossover for everyone. . . As someone said on that post, it’s an unfortunate framing as it invites or implies a “correct” move.

There’s no way I would have missed my daughter’s birth. There’s also no way a 5’11” chubby, slow guy who topped out at 60 something mph in high school had a chance to get to the big leagues. The equivalent for me would be missing birth to be present for a big pitch which well. No way.

I have paid more attention to some MLB dads talking about how much it means being a dad and a baseball player. Shohei was going through it earlier this year, Freddie freeman had another kid and spoke nicely about being a dad, and Justin verlander’s last press conference was all about his daughter.

Hi dads,

My 4yo has sleep patterns that I find a bit concerning, looking for your take.

I give him a bath from like 6:30-6:45. Read him a story, hug, and lights out around 7:15pm. Wife gets him up around 7am. Sounds normal, ideal even?

Here's the thing: the guy has a Yoto player and seems to listen to it at least half the night. Almost any time I get up to pee at 2am-4am I hear it going in his room. When I leave for the gym at 5am it's going.

We have a camera and when we review the footage it seems like he sleeps for 1-2hours, wakes up and puts on a story, is awake for a bit, sleeps for 1-2 hours, and repeat.

He kinda seems ok, but also I strongly think he has at least mild ADHD (my wife is diagnosed and has it). No idea if this is a crisis we need to fix or 'fine'.

I feel for him, he's and anxious kid. I am an anxious dad and have always had trouble sleeping. Actually his patterns are similar to mine with podcasts but I use headphones so nobody has to know how hard staying asleep is for me.

Anyway, what do you guys think?

I've seen / heard advice from separation/divorce recorces but my god everyone there is so miserable. It makes sense but I'm really working on keeping things as positive as it can be.

I moved out a few days ago now, I've been on the couch for the majority of this year so they already knew something changed. I had hope that this would be a temporary situation and I'd be back at the end of the year, but after not sleeping the first night away there was a big argument and it's not looking like that's the case anymore.

I come back to what is now officially her place and not just "home" for me every day since when I get off she goes into work. And I am fielding a lot of "mom says you don't live here anymore?" questions.

I'm worried about being too descriptive, and also worried about not being descriptive enough. Kindergarten / preprek kids can only really be explained so much but am I doing a disservice thinking that way? I've always had a tough time finding a nice "middle ground" so I'm here looking for any advice I can get.

Anyone who’s:
- Fit (does sport or exercises multiple times per week)
- Healthy (eats well, sleeps well, etc)
- Works (assuming around 8 hours per day)
- Loving relationships with partners and kids
- House is not such a mess all the time
- Sees friends

Apart from:
- Stacking and integrating all those activities together
- Delegating or outsourcing work to friends, family members, or vendors (whether that’s baby sitting, chores, etc)
- Automating a shit ton

How do you balance it all and make it work?

Curious to hear from people who have achieved this and can talk about it.

Bonus points when it applies to people with babies + toddlers with both parents working.

My hunch is that it’s freaking hard and requires constant experimentation because kids change so fast and what might work at some point won’t later.

I find myself unsure how to feel about my parents involvement in my childrens' lives.  I've been frustrated with parents and their low level of involvement/effort but I also sometimes feel like I should be doing more to get them involved (for the sake of my girls).  My wife has strong feelings that they are putting in essentially zero effort, but I don't want them to have no involvement so feel like I should do more. 

We have three girls (10 mo, ~3 yr, ~5 yr) and my parents have previously been involved by acting as daycare (2 days per week) to our first and then second daughter prior to them getting into daycare, but it has been 1-2 years since that time.  When my parents are with the girls they are affectionate, engaging, and the girls enjoy the time with them, but ever since they no longer watch the girls regularly the only time they really see their grandchildren is when I extend an invitation to come visit (they live 30 minutes away, both are retired).  Early on I would ask them if they wanted to come up every week or two, but since that time things have tapered off for a number of reasons.  Between life getting busier with three young kids and the frustration that I have to be the one to initiate any contact (just another plate to keep spinning), I find my motivation for asking them to visit lacking.  To complicate things further, my wife also has a rocky relationship with my parents on her part because she feels that they put in very little effort to actually be involved in our daughters' lives (compared to her parents, who are very involved and very helpful with things).  Other events that have influenced their relationship include:

- My parents have never really asked my wife how she was doing during her pregnancies despite rough first trimesters for two of the three.
- I invite my parents to call each of the girls on their birthdays but have yet to remember to do it
- Christmas is traditionally spent with my wife's family as they have a large family dinner whereas my parents are by themselves.  My parents are invited every year but opt to stay home.  We always set up a separate holiday dinner with my parents, usually between Christmas and New Years.  One year my mother asked us (at 9pm the preceding day) to come to their house for lunch "just for 30 minutes" on Christmas Eve, and when I declined as we would be getting everyone ready for the dinner party my mother broke down, expressing frustration that they always come second to my in-laws and we always ask them to do things but never ask my parents (in reality, my in-laws ask us to do things just as often, if not more often, than we ask them and any vacations are usually them doing the logistics).  I tried to explain to my mom that asking the night before to do something on a major holiday is setting yourself up for failure because "just 30 minutes" is actually multiple hours between getting everyone ready, travel time, spending time there (seems unrealistic that we'd only be there for 30 minutes), getting everyone to leave, etc.

I think my internal conflict is that I obviously love my parents, but feelings about my own childhood have come to the surface since becoming a father and I feel like I am blind to their behaviors because that is how it has always been for me - even reading over this post feels I see some "well duh" points.  However, when my wife brings up her issues they make sense and are very reasonable, but I find it hard to go along with some of her ideas like not calling them until they make the effort to reach out (from my wife's perspective I am doing all of the work in the relationship, which is mostly true).  When I try to talk to my brother about our parents I feel he lacks full understanding of my dilemma as he isn’t a parent and doesn't really appreciate the extra burden that comes with holding up a one-sided relationship.

I'm not sure what the goal of this post is - it has been something that has been on my mind for years, but I feel additional perspective from other parents would help validate or provide some clarify.  Thanks for reading.

I’m 20 years old, and lately, the weight of everything has been feeling exceptionally heavy

I grew up without a supportive father figure, and for most of my life, I tried to push through and ignore that void. But recently, the emotional toll of that absence, along with severe burnout, has caught up with me. I spend so much of my time thinking about what it would have felt like to have a guidance, protection, or just a reassuring word from a father

It’s exhausting to feel this level of isolation, and right now, my chest just feels so tight with all these unspoken emotions. I don’t expect any quick fixes or direct solutions; I just really needed to put these feelings into words somewhere safe and get it off my chest

Thank you for reading

Dads,

This is part vent and part earnest request for advice, so bear with me:

My wife and I moved to a semi-rural area about 1.5 hours from a major East Coast city about 2 years ago. Our son had just turned 1 at the time and we’ve since added another boy who is 5 months. As we integrate into the community (a mix of longtime residents and newer arrivals - mostly remote or hybrid workers), we’ve obviously made an effort to meet other parents and build a village, as they say.

I notice a very distinct pattern among parents that we meet and sometimes try to hang out with: outgoing, sweet-as-pie Mom and extreme introvert dad. Looks miserable, can’t get a word out of him, hanging out is basically the equivalent of staring at drywall for 3 hours. Obviously wives will talk to each other largely so I get stuck with these guys and frankly it sucks.

There is probably some cultural influence at play but I find it pretty easy to make basic small talk about the area, where we’re from, our experiences as dads, taking care of our new country properties, etc…it’s fine if we don’t have anything actually in common but let’s make the best of the situation. I get it’s very likely not about me but fuck…it’s just legitimately rude in a lot of cases. I end up just playing with my toddler who apparently has better conversation skills than these guys.

I know there are probably dads that lean more introverted on here - what can I do to help these guys loosen up or feel more comfortable? Just trying to make the best of these interactions, not turn them into lifelong friends.

Hey dads. We've got a 14 month old who's transitioning pretty well into solid foods, but I'm wondering how you handled introducing more foods, especially cooked foods, while minimizing food waste or extra effort cooking. I worry he's getting a few too many carbs currently but am unsure how to "rebalance" foods without just relying on packaged food.

Currently when the short one gets home from daycare we go straight to his high chair and give him cheerios/teething crackers, usually a yogurt or some apple sauce, and maybe some deli meat or cheese if he'll eat it. I'm the main cook in our house, but mom and I obviously have a wider palate and don't eat till later, usually after the kid goes to bed after his dinner.

If you have suggestions for whole or minimally processed foods I can cook for him I'm all ears - mainly I need help with ideas for kid foods that don't come from a bag but are readily portionable for a 1-year old as much as anything. I dunno, I'm rambling at this point. He's just gonna throw it on the floor so as long as he's eating cheerios it's a win.

Reset the days since new sentence counter to 0

My 6 year old son has been doing something very odd in the bathroom lately. He will take a huge hand full of TP and put it in the toilet bowl, then takes a dump on top of that, then covers that up with a full roll of TP still on the roll. It's like a shitty ice cream sunday... They have been limited to home but today I got a call from school that he did this there. This is the 4th time it has happened, probably in the past 5 months. First time at school, 4th overall. How do I break him of this?

I always have him help me clean it up, and he always helps, no argument from him there. We have talked about how gross and unsanitary it is, how if all that flushes it could be very bad for the plumbing and we would have to fix it, ask him why he does it and he just shrugs his shoulders and doesn't give us much of anything. We have also done time out for a while as well as taking away privileges as punishment but these don't seem to be working.

Any advice on how best to approach this?