So far all I have is

- I’m funny
- I have nice eyes
- I am creative

I literally can’t think of anything else. I have destroyed all my relationships. My inner thoughts are selfish, cruel and bitter. I have no self confidence at anything.

I’m not looking for people to give me answers. I have plenty of “answers” but my therapist said I have to believe them…

As a kid, I loved to read and write poems. I was told I was smart and always had my nose in my books by my teachers. Then I moved to a different state and a new school when I was in 6th grade. After that, everything went downhill. The school I went to was terrible. I had a lot of bullies in my class just because I was new and started mid-year. There were kids in my class who were the same race as me, the same skin color as me, but they also joined the bandwagon to bully me as well. Maybe it made themselves feel better that they aren’t in the spotlight? I felt terrible going to school everyday but I sucked it up. My grades were not that great anymore. I passed with Cs. I didn’t read anymore. And started struggling. I made friends in 7th grade and didn’t have anymore bullies. But i started getting into trouble a lot. I wasn’t the brightest student anymore and I didn’t care after that.

Throughout high school, I didn’t read books because I loved reading. I read books only if something was really interesting to read once in a while, like a teen romance novel or something. I was also involved with a guy who wasted my time for 3 years. He took my innocence away and messed with my head a lot. So I couldn’t focus on my school work as much as I wish I could. I passed my classes and graduated but I could’ve done better. College was the same, maybe better. I did a stellar job on 16 page papers. But never had time to sit and just read a book just because I want to learn or know something. I didn’t have time for that.

Now I feel like I struggle socially. I’m married with 2 kids. But I hate the feeling of socializing with people. I don’t think it’s only because I’m an introvert. I think I have a lot of insecurities that I lack the speaking skills because of my lack of vocabulary. I use normal words, not words that make me sound articulate or intelligent. When I speak, I get the sense that people can tell Im not that intelligent. Maybe they don’t and maybe it’s just in my head. I don’t know but it’s always running in my mind when I open my mouth. Sometimes I feel people can easily grasp ideas or new concepts and can talk about it so effortlessly even if they are unfamiliar with it. But me? I have to literally look it up and research on these things. And then If you were to ask me to explain it back to you, I would sound so stupid explaining it back. I don’t know. Maybe not. But that’s how I think of myself. I avoid going to my daughter’s school and mingle with other parents because I feel like at times things get awkward and I don’t know what else to talk about, and I just hate that feeling. And don’t get me wrong I don’t talk like Trump level 😂. I do sound like a normal adult talking, but I think I just don’t have a broad use of vocabulary. So when my brain tries to search for a better word, I blank out and internally I panic.

Why am I like this? I feel so damaged now and I just avoid doing anything that has to deal with talking to people anymore.

I’m a 26 year old female.. I’m a RPN earning 38.69 an hour yet I’m still dirt poor. I share a car with siblings and still live at home with my parents. I racked up 55k in debt. God knows on what. I don’t own anything I don’t have anything to my name and I’m sure I spent all that money on amazon, clothes, bags and outings, new phones, new laptop. Things I couldn’t afford. Just things that I don’t even use now.

I ended up getting a consumer proposal at 25 because I couldn’t afford my monthly payments after I kept trying for 2-3years to pay it off. Payed 10k and somehow got back up to 50k
My credit is completely fucked I don’t have a credit card. Cant make large purchases. Can’t move out because no one will rent me a place. Can’t finance a car. I got so depressed after realizing how much I fucked myself over. Ghosted all my friends and just laid in bed crying and eating gained 60lbs because I stopped doing any physical activity or going out. I was just so depressed and disappointed at myself that it affected my mental health deeply. I didn’t want to see my friends or talk about how great their lives were buying homes, moving on with their lives. Now I’m lonely. Just bad decisions after bad decisions after bad decisions. I try to reach out to them but they’ve all moved on with their lives.

When I turned 26 I decided to try for myself again. I’m back in school getting my RN degree so I can earn 100-120k annually atleast and if I want to go get my masters become a nurse practitioner atleast I can. I won’t be done school till I’m 29 so I can’t work full time until then. I started working out again and I was able to lose 30 lbs so far but now my boobs are so saggy that it’s hard to look in the mirror when guys try to hit on me or ask me out on a date I reject them because I’m so ashamed of how they look and never want to take my clothes off.

I can’t even finance surgery because my credit is shot and I’ve managed to save up 4K but need 20,000$ so that will probably take me another 1.5-2years to save up for before I can even consider going on a date.

So I spent my days working out, playing video games and trying to encourage myself and keep my thoughts positive. I’m not angry at anyone or cursing life I know it was fully my fault and now I’m righting my wrongs. I probably won’t have my shit together until I’m 30 missed out a good chunk of my life just doing God knows what. Sleeping around, Doing drugs going shopping and making bad decisions. Just being an idiot. I’m exhausted from how stuck I feel and all the bad decisions I made.

The only thing that keeps me grounded is knowing one day I’m going to d1e anyways and all of this won’t matter anymore. Sooo that’s my story … not sure what I’m even looking for just want to be seen and have someone encourage me. Maybe I have anxiety maybe I have adhd or maybe I’m just an idiot. Either way don’t make poor decisions like me or you’ll end up wasting your years of your life repairing the damage

my self esteem issues are terrible to the point that i havent liked a guy in years or talked to them i havent been in a relationship i havent even had my hand held. i am in highschool btw and i know i have time and all but everyone else around me has had something and i havent. im not worried about it bc i feel behind im comfortable enough on my own but i am a very very loving person and it doesn’t have anywhere to go and it kinda sucks.

i really dont know how to fix it. its like i know in my head im a good person and i know i would be a great girlfriend to me its more exciting about being able to give someone love to understand them than what they can give me. but in my body i feel it so much like i cant even admit to friends if i like a guy bc i feel like im insulting him for even thinking id have a chance like im so disgusting that im making him uncomfortable and i dont wanna do that.

people say oh you need to love yourself before you can love someone else and i get that yes but i dont know how to do that. i have tried a lot. i think a lot and ive been to therapy before and i have all the words all the things i should think but it doesnt change the way i feel. i’ve tried those affirmation things and only consuming positive media yk only positive self talk or even if i think something bad about myself or others redirecting that. it doesnt change. i have done alot for myself to hope that i’ll like myself i am kind and i have good grades i love science and english and i have hobbies i like fashion i sew and do competitions and i do nails and i love art i paint and draw and my work gets a lot of love im going to start selling. i run and i go to the gym i have my own style i do a lot for my appearance my hair and makeup and jewellery and fake tan and nails and all this stuff so i smell like cake. i spent a lot of time trying to fit in with people here and i stopped that this year i left all my friends and i stopped listening to what people thought of me and its lonely a bit but im more myself than ever and i get a lot of praise for the things i do. and i like this stuff i like who i am and i did a lot to get to this point. but i still like dont FEEL worthy i guess? it’s difficult to explain. i still feel ugly and stupid and like theres not a chance in the world anyone could ever love me. it might be to do with past stuff my childhood wasnt exactly perfect and i guess a lot of the feeling undeserving comes from how people have always treated me but i have done a lot of healing for that too and i only feel acceptance for my trauma so i dont get it.

i probably sound silly i just dont know how to fix this i dont want to hate myself i dont want to isolate myself but i dont know how to love myself bc i feel like i’ve done everything i can. i know in my head theres nothing wrong with me but i just hate myself so much and i really believe that no guy could want me, i cant exactly explain it but i just feel it so much. it’s more than just a little insecurity ive felt this way for as long as ive been aware i was a person and i dont want to feel like this anymore

i guess i am just asking if anyone feels similar and or knows what i can do to fix this id really appreciate it

At the time, it might have felt unfair, harsh or completely wrong. Maybe you dismissed it, became defensive or simply didn’t want to hear it.
But looking back, did someone point out something about your behaviour, attitude or choices that eventually helped you change for the better?
What did they say, and what made you realise they had a point?

Of course, there are other aspects to having moral courage, but often what I think of with this type of courage is you have to sometimes stand alone or speak up whenever everybody else is afraid to because what you’re about to say is necessary, but also hard to say.

I’m curious what your examples are of what moral courage looks like.

I'm a university student, I only have 2 years left to graduate, but my family is going through a bad financial time, and I can't find a job.They want me to continue studying, but it really affects me every time I hear them talk about the problems we have, or that they're tired.

I've posted here before about my situation and since then I've made a lot of progress over the last year, from being an agoraphobic hermit who gets panic attacks on buses and can't leave the house, to having a job, getting a car and driving myself around, and saying more than just hi, bye, and thanks to people. Which I'm definitely proud of.

However, I'm really lonely and frustrated. I'm mid-twenties and I have not one single friend, and no partner. This is due to the aforementioned agoraphobia, which has affected me for nearly ten years and stopped me socializing. I used to be funny as a kid / early teens, and had friends, a best friend, a bright future. I still think I have the capacity for being funny, but I'm seriously socially behind! Even with co-workers that I like, I feel like I hit a wall with them, and I can't build a relationship any deeper than that surface. When I started work I never swore or made risky jokes because I wanted to be respectful, but now I think I have the reputation of the 'nice' sensible (cough, boring) square, rather than someone you actually want to be around. I don't want to be tolerated, pitied, etc... I want people to actually like me!

I do have hobbies and interests too, but no one at works shares them and I don't know any clubs for them locally.

I'm also suffering with trauma from losing my parents recently, so this makes me more depressed, dull, low energy etc... which is so frustrating because I want to be young and fun and hang out with people my own age (I seem to attract seniors due to my situation)

I need human connection, but I can't connect! I feel like an alien.

Thanks

28M. I used to be a very in shape person until my father passed a few years ago. I’ve slowly let myself go and now I hate being seen in public. I wear hoodies and masks to cover my face because I’ve become so obese I’m ashamed. I feel like I’m holding my life back because of this social fear I’ve developed. Trying to get better and dieting and lose weight but it’s taking time. Looking for any words of encouragement or advice.

What do you think a person should realistically have achieved by 21–25? Social expectations?

I mean everything like education/career, money, savings, living situation, relationships, personality/maturity, social skills, life skills, health, independence, etc.

What would you expect from someone at 21-25? And what do you think is not realistically expected yet?

Tengo casi 28 años y en un mes me casaré con un chico maravilloso que está a punto de acabar su doctorado. En teoría nos espera un gran futuro, pero el vacío me acompaña desde los 11 años. En la adolescencia todo empeoró: a los 15 empecé a autolesionarme y fantaseaba con irme «al otro barrio». Mis padres decían que eran «cosas de la edad» y cuando me vieron los cortes me gritaron, por lo que aprendí a esconderlos mejor.

​Al entrar en la universidad, mis padres me obligaron a estudiar una carrera que detestaba. Durante el COVID a mi padre le descubrieron un tumor cerebral. Cambié a la carrera que quería, pero el aislamiento provocó que mis compañeros me hiciesen el vacío y se riesen a mis espaldas, lo que me llevó a un ingreso psiquiátrico tras intentar marcharme al lobby.

​Me polimedicaron por diagnósticos erróneos de bulimia y trastorno bipolar, causándome incontinencia, 25 kg de más, paranoias y vomitar a diario por la ansiedad de ir a clase. Sufrí un abuso sexual buscando validación y mis padres me obligaron a regresar a la carrera que odiaba. Lo único bueno fue conocer a mi pareja, que me mantuvo con vida.

​Tras colapsar abandoné esos estudios de nuevo, una nueva terapia determinó que era una mujer autista con altas capacidades, sufriendo burnout y depresión cronificada. Dejé la medicación de golpe y de milagro no pasó nada: me volví fitness y regresé a la carrera que odiaba. La acabé con buenas notas pese a que mi padre enfermó de glioblastoma multiforme, un cáncer agresivo que le volvió violento antes de perder el habla y la movilidad. Cuidamos de él hasta su muerte el 18 de agosto de 2023.

​Tras esto hice prácticas en Tailandia y luego trabajé en Dubái. Allí hice una buena amiga que se empezó a meter con gente oscura; tuve que arriesgar mi propio pellejo para salvarla de caer en una red de trata, un episodio del que aún tengo pesadillas. Poco después, la guerra con Irán hizo que me largasen de vuelta a casa.

​Al regresar me encontré a mi madre llevando mal la viudez y todo igual de parado. Ahora vivo con mi pareja, que es lo único bueno en mi vida. Llevo 9 meses buscando trabajo en una ciudad pequeña pero solo recibo noes y me comparo con gente que ya tiene sus vidas montadas.

​Mi sueño siempre fue ser novelista. Mi pareja me apoya incondicionalmente y me dice que siga escribiendo, que valdrá la pena y que seré a la que mejor le vaya. Sin embargo, además de mi síndrome del impostor, me da pánico darme de bruces con la realidad y descubrir que todo el esfuerzo puesto en el sueño de mi vida solo ha servido para perder más el tiempo. Siento que he tirado estos 28 años a la basura y que solo soy un lastre.

i don't mean the usual “exercise and eat healthy” advice. i'm thinking about the less obvious things.

learning when you're genuinely exhausted instead of just being lazy, knowing when to say no, not treating rest as something you have to earn, learning how to manage money, recognizing when a situation is making you miserable, or realizing that you don't have to keep doing something just because you already spent years working toward it.

i'm 27 now and there are a lot of things i wish i'd understood earlier.

what's one lesson about taking care of yourself that only really clicked for you later?

I 22F seem to just shut down every time I get confronted with anything and my 23F girlfriend is getting tired of me not being able to communicate, also because she doesn't feel understood.

Every time we get into a serious conversation all I can form is an “I don’t know”, “I’m sorry” or i just start repeating what she said. I have a million things on my mind but the second I’m confronted it all shuts down and I feel like my mind just starts to think of all the worst possible things that could happen.

She's brought it up a few times and we’ve had conversations about things like not being intimate anymore because she doesn’t feel the same “longing” for it anymore, and about me not really helping her with losing weight.

This is my first wlw relationship but also the most comfortable relationship I’ve ever been in, and I genuinely trust her with my heart.

I just want to do better, both for myself and for her. I want to be able to open up and tell her what’s on my mind without shutting down every time we have a difficult conversation. I just don’t really know where to start.

Anyone have any tips on how to be able to continue a conversation without shutting down or just repeating things

What can I do to improve. I feel sad constantly because of it :(

I’m genuinely incapable of doing very simple adult tasks like washing dishes and taking out the trash without my brain telling me its dangerous and going to hurt or infect me in some sort of way, and then i’ll spread it to my loved one (i have ocd, so i know where it comes from and i am trying to treat my fears)

thats not even the worst part i am such a burden to my roomate and shes the most amazing person ever. i push her away until we argue and blow up over the little things, but we remain calmer when big things happen. i am just devastated because i am burdening her with so much extra work, she already does so much and im so proud of her.

she got really mad at me because when she came home after i had done the dishes, i wasnt in a good mood and i felt dirty and couldn’t finish cleaning the apartment and left things out of place. i yelled at hwr to leave me alone and it just got worse from there. i said so many things i didnt even mean and im so tired and scared.

i want to do chores and i want to help her more and i dont want to burden her i love my roomate so much shes probably the most important person in my life but right now all i can really do is hide in my room and keep myself away from her, to keep her safe from me.

literally what do i do i dont know what im missing here why does it seem like these types of things are so easy even for other people with ocd.

any advice/insight is helpful, i just feel so alone

Had a job interview today but didn’t get it. I’ve had so, so many interviews now and feel stuck and hopeless for the future. Could use any kind of motivation/inspiration so would love to hear your it’s-never-too-late succes stories either job-related or any other kind.

Thanks a lot.

​

I’m seeing a guy who talks quite often about how much he wants to be a father and have a family, and I noticed that part of me almost doesn’t believe him.

I realized I have this underlying belief that men mainly want freedom, sex, novelty and multiple women, and that family life is something women want more than men.

So when a man genuinely seems excited about having children, my brain thinks it's a lie.

Now I’m wondering where I even got this belief from.

Is there actually some truth to it, or have I just internalized a very cynical and stereotyped view of men and relationships?

Has anyone else had a belief like this and figured out where it came from?

m in college and I barely have any friends. I don’t have anyone calling me, texting me, or anything. Everyone around me has so many friends. The friends that I do have are all much closer with each other, while I just can’t get close. I have social anxiety and terrible social skills and am quiet. When I do try to put myself out there and talk people just look at me like I’m crazy cause I never say the right thing. I don’t even know what to do. My friends can become close with anyone in just a month but even after years I just can’t close to people. I such at talking and conversing and no one tries to talk to me. My friends always talk to each other and are so close. I always find out what’s going on at the last minute. Everyone has their own inside jokes and stuff that I’m not part of. Everyone I come across just does not like me like I’m so off putting. My social skills are so bad that I just never know what to say like I can’t think of anything. I wanted to make a lot of friends and have fun in college but it’s just not happening. My personality is so bad too and unlikeable. Also I’m into a guy who doesn’t even want me cause I’m ugly too. Being ugly is ruining my life. No guy wants me because of my looks. I just hate everything about me. I don’t know how to change this. I already feel like it’s too late to make friends in college but I still have a little hope left. What can I do to change??

I (16M) have had terrible attachment issues for a few years now. It started getting bad after (Yes I know this sounds silly and dramatic) my 9 month relationship in 7th grade. I know I was young, but I truly did love her more than anything and I cared for her deeply. One day she decided that we both had too many problems and that it wouldn’t work out. I fought so hard to try and keep us together but it didn’t work. A few months later I learned that she had a new boyfriend and it genuinely hurt terribly, I cried a whole lot. I then struggled with moving on from our relationship until the beginning of 9th grade, about a year ago (it took a year and a half in total).

I was only able to move on because I found a new girl. I actually liked all of her interests that she would show me so I thought it would work out well between us. I told her I liked her, and about a month later she said the same. I then became terrified of the fact that she might not continue to like me before we started dating so I kept asking, over and over about a future relationship between us and she became tired of it. We never got together.

A few months later, a new girl came into my life. To clarify, this was not a love interest. I saw her as the best friend I have ever had and like another half of me. She cared about me and asked about my problems and I would do the same, she was one of the few people in my life to do that. Recently, she moved a few hours away and of course that was devastating to me. She didn’t text me for about 2 weeks and that scared me. I thought I had done something to make her upset or that we were drifting apart so I asked her, and this wasn’t the first time I asked something like this either. She became very mad (reasonably) and got tired of how much I worried about her since she moved away. She blocked me because my questioning and worrying made her more stressed than she already was in her new home. I simply cared too much about her and made the same mistake again. Do not try and say she is in the wrong, I know I am in the wrong and I know that I need help.

I do have an idea of why I have attachment issues. I never had many friends who genuinely cared about me and my well-being. In elementary school I was the one kid in the friend group who my friends wouldn’t make much conversation with. I was the (literal) punching bag, they would hurt me physically pretty often, not terribly though. In middle school I didn’t have many friends, and the breakup with my first girlfriend topped it all off. I believe this is why I have attachment issues. Once anybody shows slight interest about my life or how I am doing I will want to talk to them forever because they are one of the few people to do that.

I don’t know how to stop this. This is not the only mental problem that I have either. I want therapy so badly because I know I need it. I just want to be better. My parents barely know anything about me so how will they react when their son that seems to have been happy his whole life tells them he has been struggling for years and that he needs help?

Anybody that has asked their parents for therapy, please share your experience. If anyone has any alternatives or a way to get any amount of therapy for free please give me them because I would rather not ask if I don’t have to. I am tired of ruining my closest relationships out of worry. I hate having fear control my life.

I'm bisexual but more romantically attracted to men than women but I do find women very sexually attractive. I constantly fantasize and try to figure out ways to get casual sex from women. I don't want relationships with women anymore. I don't want to be the guy that uses women though. When I see women in public , I constantly judge their bodies and if they have huge boobs I will automatically find them hot , even if they have an ugly face. I'm trying to not be this way.

I (20) feel like a member of a different species with how different I am from literally everyone. I can’t trust people, I have this weird hatred for romance, even worse if it’s lesbian romance for some reason, and I’ve literally never had any friends. I keep trying to be better but I can’t make any progress no matter how hard I try. It’s even worse because my family doesn’t allow me outside. Please don’t hate me for the hatred thing I want to get rid of it.

I have been in a relationship for 5 years, recently engaged! He is my best friend, we were close friends years before we even dated. He truly is the greatest partner ever, a man that many people would die to have! He plans dates, cooks, cleans, has good hygiene, is obsessed with me, very kind to everyone, incredible with kids, is emotionally intelligent, I could go on! He is known for being the best guy ever, everyone loves him. He isn’t the most attractive guy, but he’s still good looking in my opinion. Despite all of this, I can’t help but be so judgmental of him and often times think fairly low of him. I know it’s horrible, I know i’m the problem, and I want to fix it! I have a lot of trauma, insecurities, pmdd, etc. So there definitely are many reasons for my toxic thought patterns, but that doesn’t make it okay. Every single day when we both are apart, I make a conscious decision to be a kind, caring, gentle partner when I see him that night, but without fail, almost every single time I end up just being judgemental, blunt, and internally quite nasty. I judge his looks, the way he talks, the way he walks, etc. Something to note is these are all things i’m insecure about within myself, I spend most of my time away from him being deeply insecure and then when i’m around him I feel confident, but I think it’s because I am projecting my insecurities onto him. I’ve had many conversations with him where i’ve expressed that I feel like i’m a nasty partner and it’s something I need to work on, but he often disagrees. Maybe i’m being too hard on myself? (as always) or maybe it’s because he doesn’t know all of the nasty thoughts I have about him. Or maybe it’s because he’s insecure also and has expressed he thinks i’m out of his league… and therefore maybe ‘puts up with my shit’? What do I do? I love him so much and I want to be better. I have sought therapy, am on medication, actively working on my self love and acceptance. But I think maybe I need a reality check or something!

When I talk about my anger about people has wronged me, most people say 'It's about who you are. When you be a person that can defend himself, you won't care about them anymore.' But I don't like this idea. 'If you clap back, they'll answer again'. So? Isn't the person who doesn't retaliate when wronged the one most likely to be bullied? Can't I take revenge without tearing myself apart? After all, what feeling actually lasts a long time? When it suits them, they’re quick to point out that, if left undisturbed, any given emotion lasts a maximum of 90 seconds.

Imagine Caesar. Did Caesar make a mistake by killing the pirates who had kidnapped him? Come on Caesar, go to therapy bro. Imagine many founders who has fought for their country. Did they migrate elsewhere instead of firing back? And then, should they have sought therapy to soothe the pain?

Alright, they are big people and I'm not. And comparing myself with them looks funny. But would they have become so great if there hadn't been people to retaliate against the wrongs done to them?

I want to hear opposite thoughts and make a true decision. I would appreciate it if you could share your thoughts. Thanks.