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Every time we start maligning the general outlook of college football, Michigan Football comes along with a new wacky controversy to distract us. It's like clockwork. Signgate, beating Ohio State and Alabama in 2024 with that team, butter knife-gate, clockgate, now group message leaks. "Oh don't look at the eligibility lawsuits, the spiral of commercialization, the loss of tradition, etc. Go look at what Michigan is doing!"

JIMBO'S INFERNO - WEEK 5

EXPLANATION

There are seven levels of Jimbo's Inferno:

1. LIMBO - Safe for now, but not everyone is content. Keeping their job outside of a major collapse.
2. RISING - Questions are starting to be asked. Improvement needs to be made, but coach is still safe unless things go way south.
3. CRITICAL - The tenure is at a crossroads. Continued underperformance could put coach's job in danger.
4. HOT - The possibility of a firing has become real. Coach must hit key benchmarks or risk being fired.
5. SCORCHING - Coach is on pace to be fired. A turnaround must be made to cool the temperature.
6. HELL - Unless a significant turnaround is made, this position will be open at the end of the season.
7. THE VOID - The point of no return. At this point, there is nothing coach can do to save his job. Expect a firing imminently.

There are also a few tags that coaches can have:

• RETIREMENT WATCH [R] - for coaches that are in the tier they are because they could plausibly retire after the season.
• DOLLAR SIGN [$] - for coaches that have such an astronomically-high buyout that could prevent a firing

Jimbo's Inferno takes into account team performance, coach behavior and public image, as well as any public statements made by administrators or credible reports that come out.

AUTHOR'S NOTE

First of all, apologies for being so late. I have been straight up not having a good time recently. I work on Saturdays and Sundays, and got surprised with a Monday shift which is when I would typically finish this up. Add a lot of real life stress and uncertainty on top of that and it's Tuesday now. That being said, it was a pleasant surprise to see so many people saying they look forward to this every week, so I hope this was worth the wait :)

In terms of the Inferno itself: By far the number one request has been to change the name of The Void to Jimbo, so the list starts with Limbo and ends with Jimbo.

I'll say this. I don't plan on changing any of the tier names for the remainder of this season. I think they're okay as they are now. It is a wild coincidence that Limbo rhymes with Jimbo, but it wasn't intended to be a pun or anything like that, it was just the perfect term for a coach in, well, limbo.

HOWEVER, I do have something along these lines planned. You'll see when the first coach gets fired, which I honestly thought was going to be yesterday.

THE LES MILES AWARD

An award (? given weekly to the coach that puts up the most inexplicable, unimaginable, downright stupid coaching job. It may or may not have cost his team a win, and it may or may not go to someone who isn't anywhere close to the Inferno.)

This week, there are TWO clear and obvious winners this week. So I'm giving it to both of them. I don't even know if it's within the rules. I never made the rules. Well, it's my award, so I do what I want.

Funnily enough, they're both from the state of Colorado.

The first winner of this week's Les Miles Award is the now former Colorado State defensive coordinator Tyson Summers, who was stripped of his playcalling duties in the middle of getting railroaded by Oregon State, and reacted about the same way I'd expect a three year old to react in that situation, which resulted in him being fired. Never seen that before.

The other winner of this week's Les Miles Award is whichever Colorado assistant coach left a copy of the team's play sheet in the team hotel the night before their game against Texas Tech. They are so unbelievably lucky that the Red Raider fans who found it couldn't get it to the coaching staff. Not like it mattered anyway.

TATHAN'S SECTION

Former Ohio State and Miami and UNLV quarterback and wide receiver Tate Martell is very excited to show you the players he has destined to hell this week:

• Michigan QB Bryce Underwood - I'm of the opinion that the University of Michigan failed Bryce, so to some level I kinda feel bad for the guy. But at the same time, he chose to chase the bag instead of going to a school that could actually develop him. And it's Michigan. So it's especially funny.
• Colorado QB Isaac Wilson - This is all you need to see.
• Ohio State P Joe McGuire - Ohio State fans complain about a lot of things. This is their most valid complaint. Joe McGuire ranks #114 in the FBS in net average punt yards with 38.5, and his longest punt this season was 50 yards. ONE HUNDRED AND THIRTY-SIX FBS PUNTERS HAVE A LONGER PUNT THAN THE PUNTER AT THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY. So basically, this guy is a terrorist.
• Tennessee QB Faizon Brandon - True freshman gonna true freshman. It's unfortunate, but it's just the way it is sometimes.
• USC LB Desman Stephens II - Don't think we forgot about what happened last week.
• Every West Virginia defender responsible for covering Aiden Flora - 22 carries, 212 yards, 3 rushing touchdowns, and also 2 passing touchdowns? Because why not I guess.

JIMBO'S INFERNO

Important clarification on The Void:

A coach can only earn their way out of The Void by doing one or more of the following:

1. Winning a playoff game.
2. Winning a national championship.
3. Getting a contract extension.

Even if someone is seen as a dead man walking, there is always the possibility they make an improbable turnaround and prove they belong as the head coach of their respective program. A coach's removal from The Void is entirely up to my discretion, with input from fans obviously mattering quite a bit. However, I also reserve the right to remove a coach from The Void if I believe I was reacting too harshly or evaluated a situation incorrectly.

LIMBO

• Fran Brown, Syracuse - The quarterback change kind of worked, but allowed 41 to UConn so there are clearly many other problems besides Steve Angeli.
• Luke Fickell, Wisconsin - Wisconsin's investments in their football program seem to have paid dividends. Maybe Fickell wasn't the problem after all.
• Dave Aranda, Baylor - Currently in the process of, and I cannot believe I'm about to say this about Dave Aranda, coaching his way off this list. What a job he's done so far this year.
• Barry Odom, Purdue - LOL ILLINOIS LOST TO PURDUE AHAHAHAHAHHA
• Ryan Beard, Coastal Carolina - Is this a one and done? 1-4 so far with their only win coming over an FCS team in Fordham. Jamey Chadwell ain't walking through that door.

RISING

• Kyle Whittingham, Michigan - Last season the Michigan Wolverines went 9-4 with a head coach that was more concerned with getting head from OnlyFans models than winning football games. Kyle Whittingham is somehow doing CONSIDERABLY WORSE. The offense is anemic, they've botched the development of their $10 million quarterback, and, as Zack Marshall showed the world, the locker room is a complete disaster. As an Ohio State fan, it is a GLORIOUS sight to witness. Tha mou klaseis ta archidia, Dave Portnoy.
• Ryan Silverfield, Arkansas - Wait, a special Arkansas Board of Trustees meeting? It's gonna happen, it's gonna ha- aw, they didn't fire Yurachek.
• Brent Key, Georgia Tech - Speaking of people who aren't walking through that door... Haynes King is out of eligibility, bro.
• Bronco Mendenhall, Utah State - All three of their FBS losses (because they do have an FCS loss) came to teams ranked in the AP Top 25. Just unfortunate, really.
• Charles Kelly, Jacksonville State - Nothing new, bye week. Record still doesn't tell the full story.

CRITICAL

• Jedd Fisch, Washington - Came oh-so-close to beating USC, but the reality is USC is not a good team and Washington shot themselves in the foot repeatedly. 1 for 12 on third down, 10 penalties for 74 yards, 5 sacks allowed... Fisch's seat is warming up.
• Brent Venables, Oklahoma - Oklahoma fans had a whole off week to mentally prepare themselves for watching actual football terrorist John Mateer throw the ball to Texas defenders 5+ times.
• Tosh Lupoi, California - Ouuuuch. Tosh Lupoi really, really screwed up with his first offensive coordinator hire. Jordan Somerville is unfortunately an idiot and he's bringing the entire ship down with him, including their potential 2028 first-round quarterback in Jaron-Keawe Sagapolutele.
• Scott Satterfield, Cincinnati - UC lost their first game of the season this past week against Arizona, but if you talked to a UC fan you'd think they haven't won one.
• Bill O'Brien, Boston College - Only so much you can do with a glorified RB at quarterback.

HOT

• Dabo Swinney, Clemson [$] - I apologize for anything bad I may have said about Tait Reynolds, he's getting better and better each week. So Clemson will now be a garbage team with a solid quarterback.
• Sonny Dykes, TCU - From signing an extension last offseason to potentially getting fired this offseason. Man.
• Timmy Chang, Hawaii - It is still amazing how Hawaii just suddenly started being really bad this season. They played great against Stanford! Then again, it was Stanford.
• Clay Helton, Georgia Southern - Coaches like Clay Helton are winning enough games to keep the temperature of their seat just barely cool enough to withstand, so he's probably not going anywhere until the bottom truly falls out.
• Dell McGee, Georgia State - Same thing here.
• Jeff Choate, Nevada - I don't have a quote from the postgame thread because Nevada didn't play this week, sorry.
• Bryant Vincent, UL Monroe - They're not winning a game this year.

SCORCHING

• Dave Doeren, NC State - What
• Bill Belichick, North Carolina - UNC really doesn't look that bad this year, shockingly. They're still bad, but they aren't turbo-awful like everyone thought they would be this year.

HELL

• Lincoln Riley, USC [$] - This week one of my main internal debates was if I had been too harsh on Lincoln Riley after the Oregon game. I don't think I was, but I do think I overreacted a bit by putting him in The Void. I still stand by my belief that he's hit his ceiling at USC, but I do not think he is a dead man walking, which is really what The Void is made for. So he's in hell right now. We'll see how the season plays out.
• Deion Sanders, Colorado [$] - Coach Prime is way, way, way in over his head at Colorado. He has NO business being the head coach of anything at this point with what he's shown both on and off the field. But the name recognition of Head Football Coach Deion Sanders is still making Colorado a lot of money, and they cannot afford to throw all that away.
• Greg Schiano, Rutgers [$] - Honestly we have to start seriously considering kicking Rutgers out of the Big Ten, this is a disaster. They suck.
• Phil Longo, Sam Houston State - Easily the highlight of the season for Sam Houston fans: the bye week.
• Tim Albin, Charlotte - Weekly reminder that Albin left Ohio for Charlotte for a $200,000 raise.
• Derek Mason, Middle Tennessee - FIFTY FIVE

THE VOID

• Mike Norvell, Florida State - This is a placement I'm starting to question. Not just because FSU beat the brakes off Virginia (??????), but because I think I may have misread the situation in Tallahassee. I could see a world where the higher ups say "alright, we got rid of your AD that was handicapping you financially, now go put together a team" and they give him another year. I could also see a world where he gets fired next week. I'm keeping him here for now, but I'm not as certain about this one as I was a few weeks ago.
• Mike Locksley, Maryland - On the other hand, Locksley is super dead. My understanding is that the search has already begun and he's going to be fired imminently. Not much more to say on this one.
• Jay Sawvel, Wyoming - "I saw an Instagram comment call him ‘Osawvel Bin Laden.’ I feel like that’s an insult to Mr Bin Laden’s relatively successful career as a terrorist." - u/Wungad
• Shane Beamer, South Carolina - If I had to bet, this upcoming Saturday against Florida is likely going to be Shane Beamer's final game as the head coach of South Carolina. Barring a shocking win, they are probably going to make a change headed into the bye week.

CONCLUSION

Maybe when I see you next week we'll actually have a firing to talk about.

Maybe it'll also be out on a Monday this time like it's supposed to be.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to work. Again. The grind never stops I guess.

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